Random gift exchanges with people you don't know well (vent/not jawm)

[marbel]

Does anyone really like these?

 

In the next week there are 3 different events that one or more members of my family are involved in that include a gift exchange.  Two of these events include people we don't know all that well.  We are supposed to bring a gift worth $5 or $10 (depending on the event) to exchange randomly.

 

I hate this so much.  I can spend $25 for random stuff for random people.  I don't want to, and I don't know why anyone else does. I'm getting mugs (so original!) and filling them with candy.  (Purchased, not homemade, and individually wrapped stuff so they can give it away if they want to.)

 

I know we can beg off the events.  They are business/network related, so really should go, just to show goodwill. Plus, we enjoy the people - though we can't figure out the attraction of the random gift exchange. 

 

I wish this tradition would die out.

[school17777]

I doubt the tradition will die out because it is an activity at the parties that everyone participates in at the same time. When planning a party with a random group of people during the holidays, it’s an easy, fun activity that takes up time and keeps everyone occupied.

 

If you think the exchange isn’t wanted by most in the group, join the planning committee for next year to come up with other ideas.

 

I have gotten some neat things at these type of exchanges, as well as some duds. The worst that I remember is getting an obviously used snowman decoration at an ornament exchange. I was the second person to go and of course no one stole it from me so I could get another shot at a different ornament. I still remember the best ornament at that exchange. It was a tiny hand knit sweater for the tree that a lady knit from yarn from her trip to New Zealand that year. Still jealous that I didn’t get that ornament! Was hoping she would make the same thing for the next year, but she didn’t.

Edited December 12, 2017 by school17777

[Annie G]

We used to belong to a group that had an annual Christmas party and we did gift exchange thing- the kind where you can steal a gift or open a new one. They always were a mix of things that were coveted and things that were awful.  I felt SO bad one year. A member made some piece of art and he truly thought it was a work of art, but it was the joke of the night as everyone made fun of it....hmmm....should I steal that truly awful gift or pick this one here that looks like a wrapped bottle of liquor? I felt SO BAD for that couple who went to the trouble to make something.  I pointed out to our table that the couple looked upset and at least our table didn't participate in the teasing....but it was bad. 

 

Also, as a math tutor I routinely receive gifts that are clearly being regifted from previous gift exchanges.   I don't mind people passing things on but if you're going to give me a token gift can you please make it at least look like you tried? Helpful hint: remove the tag that says it's from your secret santa (or my favorite, the tag that indicated it was from a golf outing several years earlier, and the candy had an expiration date that was two years ago).

 

 

[vonfirmath]

I love gift exchanges, especially the white elephant. Its fun to do the whole who is going to end up what. To see which items are hotly fought over. And to have stories the next Christmas about the "Historic fight" for the Cat sweater and the Llama that shows up year after year...

 

[vonfirmath]

I love gift exchanges, especially the white elephant. Its fun to do the whole who is going to end up what. To see which items are hotly fought over. And to have stories the next Christmas about the "Historic fight" for the Cat sweater and the Llama that shows up year after year...

 

(It got frozen because too many people wanted the Llama last year and this year someone's already said they want the Llama. So this is not your typical "Noone wants" it type of gift. It's a travelling Llama and likes variety in its abode, you see.)

 

[Catwoman]

Does anyone really like these?

 

In the next week there are 3 different events that one or more members of my family are involved in that include a gift exchange. Two of these events include people we don't know all that well. We are supposed to bring a gift worth $5 or $10 (depending on the event) to exchange randomly.

 

I hate this so much. I can spend $25 for random stuff for random people. I don't want to, and I don't know why anyone else does. I'm getting mugs (so original!) and filling them with candy. (Purchased, not homemade, and individually wrapped stuff so they can give it away if they want to.)

 

I know we can beg off the events. They are business/network related, so really should go, just to show goodwill. Plus, we enjoy the people - though we can't figure out the attraction of the random gift exchange.

 

I wish this tradition would die out.

:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

 

I have never understood the reasoning behind buying cheap and generally unwanted gifts for people you barely know.

 

It's not such a big deal for adults because they probably don't care what they get, but I hate it for kids, because one kid will end up with something really cute and another kid will be hopeful that he will get something good, too, and will end up being disappointed when he opens his gift and it's absolute junk.

[Catwoman]

(It got frozen because too many people wanted the Llama last year and this year someone's already said they want the Llama. So this is not your typical "Noone wants" it type of gift. It's a travelling Llama and likes variety in its abode, you see.)

Now I want to see the llama.

 

I like llamas. If I got him, he would be mine, all mine, FOREVER! Bwahahahahahaha! :laugh:

[Plink]

I think they are fun.  Sorry you don't enjoy them.

[happypamama]

I hate them and wish they would die out as well. I think a mug with candy is a fine choice. It says you made an effort and will appeal to most people.

 

I think if you’re going to do that sort of thing, it should be within a group that shares a similar hobby or interest. It might be fun for a group of knitters or sewers all to create ornaments, or for everyone to bring a bottle of wine under a certain amount or something. But then you’re more guaranteed to have everyone on a similar page, and then it becomes “let’s see what interesting new thing we didn’t know about.â€

[Night Elf]

Well, for future planning, I participated in an exchange once that was actually nice. I managed to get A Christmas Carol CD narrated by Patrick Stewart. The favorite gift making the rounds was one of those clear candy canes that candy comes in, except instead of candy in there, it was balled up dollar bills. It was a $15 gift exchange so I suppose it was $15 cash.

[Tess in the Burbs]

I hate these things.  I just signed up for one thinking other homeschool moms, surely they will get it right.  

 

Nope.

 

I did receive a Christmas item from Target.  However, it looks more like Halloween or it's broken on the inside.    I gave my person organic dark chocolate and a yummy smelling soy candle.  I included a note saying I hoped she got some peace and quiet this holiday to enjoy.  Mine had post it notes saying here's your gift and the name.  

 

I'm over these things. 

DH went to his work white elephant yesterday.  17 people.  Only 2 brought used gifts.  Every one else had bought something new.  So dh and the other person looked stupid having a used item of worthless value.  Luckily DH brought home a lego set(yep!) and that kid baseball trophy is on to the next guy...   And dh was the only one who wrapped his gift among the men.  Everyone else had a gift bag.  He's kinda not sure if they don't understand white elephant or not??

[Seasider]

I love gift exchanges, especially the white elephant. Its fun to do the whole who is going to end up what. To see which items are hotly fought over. And to have stories the next Christmas about the "Historic fight" for the Cat sweater and the Llama that shows up year after year...

It's fun IF everyone on board knows the spirit of the game is just what I've heard some call it - Dirty Santa. Folks purposefully bring gag items that may be fought over and laughed at by everyone.

 

The stories already shared though, they describe why I do not like these events with folks I don't know well - some people bring nice, thoughtful things that go unappreciated or become the butt of jokes. Others bring nice things and end up with trash in exchange. I once saw someone open a gift bag to find a disposable baby diaper and some small unwrapped Baby Ruth candy bars. So classy.

 

Also, it's not really any fun when you draw number 2, pick something that turns out to be meh, and have to sit through twenty more people having fun making swaps while not at all interested in the item you are holding.

[theelfqueen]

Thays why you have to add some "everybody pass left" types of swaps to the game

 

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk

[vonfirmath]

It's fun IF everyone on board knows the spirit of the game is just what I've heard some call it - Dirty Santa. Folks purposefully bring gag items that may be fought over and laughed at by everyone.

 

The stories already shared though, they describe why I do not like these events with folks I don't know well - some people bring nice, thoughtful things that go unappreciated or become the butt of jokes. Others bring nice things and end up with trash in exchange. I once saw someone open a gift bag to find a disposable baby diaper and some small unwrapped Baby Ruth candy bars. So classy.

 

Also, it's not really any fun when you draw number 2, pick something that turns out to be meh, and have to sit through twenty more people having fun making swaps while not at all interested in the item you are holding.

 

*shrug* I've gone to the gift exchanges and ended up with the gift not fought over. But It was still fun to see others open the gift we brought, and immediately start to find ways to hang on to it. (an old Star Wars Christmas CD. So truly white elephant but turned out to be more valued by others than by me.)

 

This year we ended up with a Starbucks card that we won't use and some ornament. I'll regift the gift card and still have a fun party to remember even though one of our gifts was blegh.  (OTOH the star Wars knee highs that no one else wanted? I stole them when I rolled doubles -- our Sunday school runs it a bit different. Two dice go around the group. You roll and then pass them on. If you roll doubles, you can switch gifts with any others there. No frozen gifts. Keep going until a timer goes off then everyone gets to keep what they have.)

 

I did take a Lego set one year -- it was not really appreciated by the recipient, as it turns out. Despite all of us having kids. So I did something different another year.  The year I took a Slugs and Bugs CD was Highly Desired so that is what I did this year -- since in this year's Kickstarter I got 2 copies of the latest CD.

 

When the value of the gift is low -- $10 or $15ish, (or find something in your house you are not using) I figure its a donation to a fun evening and future memories.

[MotherGoose]

I think the white elephants are fun. It's best when it's co Ed. Dh always takes something to his office Christmas party that is obviously hideously tacky. And then women come in with frilly stinky candles. So DH came home from one with a drugstore cologne called "Big sexy man" or something like that. He put it on a shelf to regift at the next year's party, and that was the joke coming up to the following year. Then the biggest, burliest, manliest man ends up with a bath and body works beaded pink candle or something. There was a policy, stated on the invitation, at the place I used to work, that "A candle is not a gift," put there by the men. Of course everyone ignored that. Now if it's all women you have to try harder. I went to an ornament exchange where they were supposed to be $10 or less gifts, and felt bad because clearly some people paid much more than I did. I can understand why people don't like them though.

Edited December 12, 2017 by MotherGoose

[Guest]

I doubt the tradition will die out because it is an activity at the parties that everyone participates in at the same time. When planning a party with a random group of people during the holidays, it’s an easy, fun activity that takes up time and keeps everyone occupied.

 

If you think the exchange isn’t wanted by most in the group, join the planning committee for next year to come up with other ideas.

 

I have gotten some neat things at these type of exchanges, as well as some duds. The worst that I remember is getting an obviously used snowman decoration at an ornament exchange. I was the second person to go and of course no one stole it from me so I could get another shot at a different ornament. I still remember the best ornament at that exchange. It was a tiny hand knit sweater for the tree that a lady knit from yarn from her trip to New Zealand that year. Still jealous that I didn’t get that ornament! Was hoping she would make the same thing for the next year, but she didn’t.

Which begs the question, why does a random group of people need a Christmas party?? Why does every class, office, volunteer group, club, insist on a party??

[Word Nerd]

I love gift exchanges, especially the white elephant. Its fun to do the whole who is going to end up what. To see which items are hotly fought over. And to have stories the next Christmas about the "Historic fight" for the Cat sweater and the Llama that shows up year after year...

I miss the white elephant exchanges we used to do at my old job. It was so much fun!

[marbel]

I see I am not alone (didn't think I would be) but that it is not a unanimous feeling - about what I expected!  :-)

 

I think when the rules and guidelines are clear, and people follow them, they can be OK.  I don't mind coming home with something I can't use - I'll just get rid of it - but it's not fun when some people bring a funny thing or a nice/useful thing, and others bring true junk.  Thinking back on some past exchanges: an old purse, a dead plant in a plain plastic nursery planter, a pair of run down shoes, an old floor tile (probably asbestos). These are things I've seen, not necessarily gotten, and not from one particular party/group.  Oh, and vulgar stuff, I just hate that, though I know vulgar is in the eye of the beholder. 

 

I'm glad some people have good ones.  Maybe I will someday too.  I'll keep with my theme of mug/candies, unless it's supposed to be a gag. For those, I go to Five Below (store charging, you guessed it, $5 or less for all items) and buy something weird, like garden gnomes with local teams shirts and hats.  :-)

Edited December 12, 2017 by marbel

[Guest]

I don't HATE it, but I have to work to relieve myself of the pressure of getting a GOOD gift. I enjoy getting just the right gift for someone and seeing them genuinely pleased with what I got them. And that is so difficult in situations where I don't know the person well or don't have a clue who will end up with the gift. I often end up just going generic, like an Amazon gift card or something, but then feel bad for being generic. But then, I wouldn't want to bake peanut butter cookies only for them to end up with someone who is allergic to nuts, or a leather keychain thing to end up with someone who is an ethical vegan and would be offended, or whatever.

 

I did a white elephant ONCE. I am still not even sure I understood it100%. I don't get why it's fun to have everyone stealing gifts from each other?

This is so me. I just went to a little kitschy store in town to take a second crack at getting a gift for my Bunco ladies’ exchange. I had already chosen one gift, but started to think most ladies won’t use this, so I went out again to buy something else. I settled on something I thought most ladies would like - one of those little signs you hang in your house that said, “Always kiss me good night.†It was so cute. But then - I kid you not -as the lady who chose the gift was unwrapping it, she made some disparaging remark about her husband and how she wishes he would just spent the whole night on the couch! I kind of died a little bit and said, “well, then, I think this might not be the best gift for you.â€

 

Oh, dear goodness. I was so sad.

[Catwoman]

Which begs the question, why does a random group of people need a Christmas party?? Why does every class, office, volunteer group, club, insist on a party??

I like the parties. They're a nice way to show appreciation for your employees or volunteers, and a fun way to celebrate the holiday season with classmates, neighbors, or fellow club members.

 

I don't think the gift exchanges are a necessary part of the parties, though.

[Guest]

I should add that, just as a matter of opinion, I do like exchanges for the most part (but I’m not in any with real strangers). I like them best when they are nominal gifts, but NOT gag gifts. I really don’t think much of gags. I did start an ornament exchange for all the in-laws last year and I’m glad; it worked well, involved everyone, took up time, was fun/funny and has been voted unanimously for repeat this year. (Did I mention this is my in-laws? A unanimous vote? That is freakin amazing!) We don’t exchange regular gifts amongst my ILs, because it is too many people, so this is a good way of having a lot of fun and everyone leaving with some token gift.

[PeachyDoodle]

I'll JAWY, even though you said I didn't have to!  :lol:

 

Just this weekend I had to purchase and wrap this tasteful gift for DH's office party. His coworkers insist on having a white elephant exchange with a $25 limit! It's not that we don't have the $25 to blow, but it galls me to spend money on crap nobody wants or can use. I can't wait to see what gem he brings home in return.

 

I truly don't understand why people insist on this. Why not adopt a family in need for the holidays? $25 per person could go a loooong way towards a Christmas dinner and gifts for kids who might not otherwise have any. 

 

I guess I'm just a party pooper.

[marbel]

I'll JAWY, even though you said I didn't have to!  :lol:

 

Just this weekend I had to purchase and wrap this tasteful gift for DH's office party. His coworkers insist on having a white elephant exchange with a $25 limit! It's not that we don't have the $25 to blow, but it galls me to spend money on crap nobody wants or can use. I can't wait to see what gem he brings home in return.

 

I truly don't understand why people insist on this. Why not adopt a family in need for the holidays? $25 per person could go a loooong way towards a Christmas dinner and gifts for kids who might not otherwise have any. 

 

I guess I'm just a party pooper.

 

See, stuff like that drives me crazy.  So I'm a party pooper too.  I don't see anything funny in that, and I wouldn't want my husband, son, boyfriend, daughter's boyfriend... to wear it.   

[JustEm]

I don't mind them when they aren't gag gifts. Most I've participated in haven't had any real failures. But I tend not to participate anymore simply because I have enough shopping to do for people I know,I don't want to do more shopping.

 

We are doing a white elephant (no gag gifts) with dh's family for the first time. I'm excited about that because they are all good gift givers to begin with so they'll likely think hard about getting things others in the group will like

[Guest]

I'll JAWY, even though you said I didn't have to! :lol:

 

Just this weekend I had to purchase and wrap this tasteful gift for DH's office party. His coworkers insist on having a white elephant exchange with a $25 limit! It's not that we don't have the $25 to blow, but it galls me to spend money on crap nobody wants or can use. I can't wait to see what gem he brings home in return.

 

I truly don't understand why people insist on this. Why not adopt a family in need for the holidays? $25 per person could go a loooong way towards a Christmas dinner and gifts for kids who might not otherwise have any.

 

I guess I'm just a party pooper.

I guess I am too. Who wants ugly clutter?? I’ll go one more step and say I really dislike the “hilarious†party games. I don’t need to see my co-worker poop a potato to have a good time.

[school17777]

Which begs the question, why does a random group of people need a Christmas party?? Why does every class, office, volunteer group, club, insist on a party??

Because parties are fun and people like to have fun, so they have parties.

[J-rap]

Well, I love gift exchanges.  Not because of the gifts, but because of the spirit of the season.  And $5 - $10 isn't much money to waste.  Sure, it might be a hit, or it might not.  Does it really matter?  It's all in fun.  If you don't like what you got, you give it to someone else in a gift exchange next year.  :)  

 

[kewb]

I do know people who love secret santa and white elephant gift exchanges. I detest them. I have enough stuff. I don't want anymore. I certainly don't want a gag gift.

[Tap]

I don't go to gift exchanges and expect to walk away with a gift that I want.

 

I like to buy a gift and hope it gets stolen the max amount. That is my fun. 

 

I usually try to steal the gift no one really wants.  I watch for expressions of disappointment and try to trade those people out.. Then I just donate it to Goodwill or give it away.  Im not dissapointed because I did it on purpose, and it often makes someone feel good that their gift was stolen in the process.  Win, win!

 

[JFSinIL]

Modgy Collapsible and Expandable Rize Vase - NOT GLASS

 

Look for these at Amazon. I learned of them since my kid sister put them on her Amazon wish list. They look/are cool and unless filled with water are flat as a pancake. Pretty, too. I think a stash of these would cover any gift-giving situation. They are nine bucks each. Beats another coffee mug.

[craftymama]

I don't mind them so much, though I prefer the ones that aren't about gag gifts.  Gag gifts seem like landfill crap that I would rather not contribute to just for the sake of a laugh.  I do, however, hate them for kids.  The disappointment when your child brings home junk after actually putting effort into something is just not something I want to experience at the holidays.  Plus, when every activity they are in decides to do one it just becomes a pain.  Several years ago I decided it must be consumable so we aren't just loading up someone else's house with stuff. 

[Soror]

Totally not my cup of tea. I hate the consumeristic aspect. I hate the waste of it. I especially hate the ones where you can steal gifts b/c then people's feelings get hurt if they brought a sucky gift. We did a gift swap this year and I would have been better off just buying them something myself. They should always have an opt out option because one person's great time is another's misery.

[cjzimmer1]

I'll JAWY, even though you said I didn't have to!  :lol:

 

Just this weekend I had to purchase and wrap this tasteful gift for DH's office party. His coworkers insist on having a white elephant exchange with a $25 limit! It's not that we don't have the $25 to blow, but it galls me to spend money on crap nobody wants or can use. I can't wait to see what gem he brings home in return.

 

I truly don't understand why people insist on this. Why not adopt a family in need for the holidays? $25 per person could go a loooong way towards a Christmas dinner and gifts for kids who might not otherwise have any. 

 

I guess I'm just a party pooper.

I'm sorry that just made me laugh!.  No I wouldn't want it,  I can't imagine anyone would actually want such a thing but it's so truly awful that it's hard not to laugh at it.  But I really wonder who on earth would think up such a thing and then who would spend the money to produce it!

[cjzimmer1]

Overall I don't really like them either.  Maybe it's because of my frugal nature but even spending $5 or $10 on a junk gift is wasteful and I'd rather not waste even a "small" amount of money.  That said when asked to participate in white elephant exchanges we tend to opt for consumable but useful things.  Like a giant pack of Costco toilet paper.  I figure it's something everyone uses and if nothing else they can use the money they save on toilet paper and buy themselves something nice.  

 

 

[SKL]

I don't like it.  I assume it was a lot different when the tradition started.  Maybe handmade gifts or something that brought more cheer.  I think society is more grinchy nowadays and I fit right in!

 

The tradition should die where it makes people more stressed or annoyed than happy.

 

There are very few gift exchanges my kids & I participate in, thankfully.  They don't have one at school, hooray!  They've had a few for small all-girl groups where they do know the other girls at least somewhat.

 

Similar annoyance is the habit I have of buying gifts for extended family members I don't know well.  How to end that habit?  I've been buying for my sibs etc. since I was a young kid, and gradually it grew to include their kids, grandkids ....  Some of these people I have literally not seen in years.  For most of them, there is no reciprocity at all, and certainly not to the extent I do it.  I just don't know how to stop without people wondering about it.  Or maybe they wouldn't wonder about it?  I'd love to forego that annual clueless walk around Lowe's hoping for a good universal guy gift that everyone doesn't already have.  It's hard enough coming up with something for my dad.

[cjzimmer1]

 

 

Similar annoyance is the habit I have of buying gifts for extended family members I don't know well.  How to end that habit?  I've been buying for my sibs etc. since I was a young kid, and gradually it grew to include their kids, grandkids ....  Some of these people I have literally not seen in years.  For most of them, there is no reciprocity at all, and certainly not to the extent I do it.  I just don't know how to stop without people wondering about it.  Or maybe they wouldn't wonder about it?  I'd love to forego that annual clueless walk around Lowe's hoping for a good universal guy gift that everyone doesn't already have.  It's hard enough coming up with something for my dad.

 

Oh maybe they would be secretly rejoicing 1)because they don't really want some random gift that they really don't need/want or 2) it ends the guilt associated when people give you gifts and feel you should reciprocate but you HATE shopping so much you procrastinate so long that then it feels worse trying to send something that late.  Either way, if they aren't reciprocrating and you haven't seen them in years, I think you can easily drop them from your lists and save yourself the stress.

[displace]

OP - I’d go one step further, and stick labels on the mug, saying something like “generic mug for some person I don’t know wellâ€, and for the candy, “consumable generic holiday candyâ€. Maybe at least it would send off a message.

[SKL]

Oh maybe they would be secretly rejoicing 1)because they don't really want some random gift that they really don't need/want or 2) it ends the guilt associated when people give you gifts and feel you should reciprocate but you HATE shopping so much you procrastinate so long that then it feels worse trying to send something that late.  Either way, if they aren't reciprocrating and you haven't seen them in years, I think you can easily drop them from your lists and save yourself the stress.

 

I agree that they probably don't even want the stuff.  I just feel like it's expected.

 

I'm thinking maybe just one "family gift" and something for the kids until they are adults.  At that point if they never see us, ... but if they still live with my brother, then I have to do something ....  Ugh.  But what about the one guy who is single and probably always will be?  My brother's step-son age 38.  I still give him at least a gift card.  I don't think my kids even know this person exists.  Honestly I think it is a bit ridiculous for him to receive a gift from "Aunt SKL" at this point.  The only gifts my extended relatives ever gave me were for big graduations - and most of them didn't even do that.

 

I do have their mom as a facebook friend.  I wonder if I should just pm her and ask if they would feel bad if I only bought for the kids going forward.  (I already bought lame stuff for most of them this year.)  If I only buy for the "kids," then I have to decide if that includes the 24yo who just graduated college, the 20yo in college, the 19yo who has no college plans afaik....

[craftymama]

I agree that they probably don't even want the stuff.  I just feel like it's expected.

 

I'm thinking maybe just one "family gift" and something for the kids until they are adults.  At that point if they never see us, ... but if they still live with my brother, then I have to do something ....  Ugh.  But what about the one guy who is single and probably always will be?  My brother's step-son age 38.  I still give him at least a gift card.  I don't think my kids even know this person exists.  Honestly I think it is a bit ridiculous for him to receive a gift from "Aunt SKL" at this point.  The only gifts my extended relatives ever gave me were for big graduations - and most of them didn't even do that.

 

I do have their mom as a facebook friend.  I wonder if I should just pm her and ask if they would feel bad if I only bought for the kids going forward.  (I already bought lame stuff for most of them this year.)  If I only buy for the "kids," then I have to decide if that includes the 24yo who just graduated college, the 20yo in college, the 19yo who has no college plans afaik....

 

DH family counts kids as kids until 18.  If you are 18 at Thanksgiving you are considered an adult for gift giving purposes.  It's very clear cut so no one gets their feelings hurt.  Of course, that only applies to those living close by; our family has never received a gift from them when we weren't present at the holidays...we are never present.  

[G5052]

We did this at my quilting group on Monday, and it was fun. Of course the gifts varied widely, but everyone there laughed a lot and was appreciative. I didn't stress too much over what I brought.

 

Then they did a drawing for the decorations and some extra gifts that various people bought so there were plenty to work with. I won a small quilted Christmas tree that was really nice.

 

Much better than the exchanges with one work group some 25 years ago. They seemed to consider it a contest to buy the most distasteful gifts possible -- many were downright offensive. They also had an open bar, so it got quite rowdy. After that I went to the lunch and then went back to work as the "on call" manager for the rest of the day each year. Nobody complained.

[Sherry in OH]

I agree that they probably don't even want the stuff.  I just feel like it's expected.

 

I'm thinking maybe just one "family gift" and something for the kids until they are adults.  At that point if they never see us, ... but if they still live with my brother, then I have to do something ....  Ugh.  But what about the one guy who is single and probably always will be?  My brother's step-son age 38.  I still give him at least a gift card.  I don't think my kids even know this person exists.  Honestly I think it is a bit ridiculous for him to receive a gift from "Aunt SKL" at this point.  The only gifts my extended relatives ever gave me were for big graduations - and most of them didn't even do that.

 

I do have their mom as a facebook friend.  I wonder if I should just pm her and ask if they would feel bad if I only bought for the kids going forward.  (I already bought lame stuff for most of them this year.)  If I only buy for the "kids," then I have to decide if that includes the 24yo who just graduated college, the 20yo in college, the 19yo who has no college plans afaik....

 

If you want to buy for children, set an age or milestone limit. You will buy until they graduate high school or age 18 or age 21.  Whatever you do, don't set it as buy until the child marries.  A friend of my parents sent me gifts until I married. When I was 20 and in college, I appreciated the gifts.  By the time I was 30 (I married late) gifts from someone I barely knew and hadn't seen in a decade were added chores - send thank yous and find a discrete way to dispose of unwanted items.  

 

My siblings and I agreed to stop buying each other gifts when the giving turned into an exchange of gift cards.  We still buy for each other's children but I expect that to stop when the children reach adulthood.   

 

When I have to buy random gifts for adults, I buy candy or gift cards.  They don't add to clutter and are easy to pass on if the recipient doesn't want them  Dh buys lottery tickets.

[Catwoman]

I agree that they probably don't even want the stuff.  I just feel like it's expected.

 

I'm thinking maybe just one "family gift" and something for the kids until they are adults.  At that point if they never see us, ... but if they still live with my brother, then I have to do something ....  Ugh.  But what about the one guy who is single and probably always will be?  My brother's step-son age 38.  I still give him at least a gift card.  I don't think my kids even know this person exists.  Honestly I think it is a bit ridiculous for him to receive a gift from "Aunt SKL" at this point.  The only gifts my extended relatives ever gave me were for big graduations - and most of them didn't even do that.

 

I do have their mom as a facebook friend.  I wonder if I should just pm her and ask if they would feel bad if I only bought for the kids going forward.  (I already bought lame stuff for most of them this year.)  If I only buy for the "kids," then I have to decide if that includes the 24yo who just graduated college, the 20yo in college, the 19yo who has no college plans afaik....

It's a nuisance and an expense to have to pick out gifts for people you rarely see, but if you feel obligated to do it anyway, I would keep the single 38yo guy on the gift list, because sometimes it's hard to be the single adult on Christmas, when It may seem like everyone else he knows has spouses and kids of their own. It can be lonely, so knowing that Aunt SKL always remembers him with a gift card might mean a lot to him.

[vonfirmath]

I agree that they probably don't even want the stuff.  I just feel like it's expected.

 

I'm thinking maybe just one "family gift" and something for the kids until they are adults.  At that point if they never see us, ... but if they still live with my brother, then I have to do something ....  Ugh.  But what about the one guy who is single and probably always will be?  My brother's step-son age 38.  I still give him at least a gift card.  I don't think my kids even know this person exists.  Honestly I think it is a bit ridiculous for him to receive a gift from "Aunt SKL" at this point.  The only gifts my extended relatives ever gave me were for big graduations - and most of them didn't even do that.

 

I do have their mom as a facebook friend.  I wonder if I should just pm her and ask if they would feel bad if I only bought for the kids going forward.  (I already bought lame stuff for most of them this year.)  If I only buy for the "kids," then I have to decide if that includes the 24yo who just graduated college, the 20yo in college, the 19yo who has no college plans afaik....

 

My husband's extended family bought for him growing up. THey buy for his kids now.

 

(His mother is one of 4 kids. And the ex-wife who became the 5th sibling also spoils the grandkids. Among those 4 kids, there are now 3 grandkids. Two of them are ours)

 

I expect they will stop at the same time they stopped for husband -- when the kids turn 18.  When he graduated college (at age 26 or something) there were cards and token gifts. But the birthday/Christmas gifts ended after age 18.

 

[PeachyDoodle]

I'm sorry that just made me laugh!.  No I wouldn't want it,  I can't imagine anyone would actually want such a thing but it's so truly awful that it's hard not to laugh at it.  But I really wonder who on earth would think up such a thing and then who would spend the money to produce it!

 

I do think it's funny, just not funny enough to spend our money on. I might laugh at it, but I certainly don't want to own it. Or whatever other random junk DH ends up with as part of this exchange. And I think a $25 limit is ABSURD.

 

But his coworkers (he works almost exclusively with men) will think it's hilarious, or so he says, and he wants to get a big laugh. It's his first party at this company and he wants to fit in. So I'm totally fine with that. It's more the overall concept that bothers me. It just seems like a ginormous waste of resources.

[school17777]

Dh and I both had an exchange on Thursday.

 

His was at work, called a White Elephant exchange, supposed to bring a gift valued between $12-$15. It took years before dh would participate, and he finally started to a few years ago. After this year, I doubt he will ever again. He bought a $15 gift certificate to a restaurant the coworkers like to go to for lunch. Others brought wine, phone chargers, etc... He ended up getting a used kids goody bag from an airline flight of crayons, a pad of paper, and earbuds. He threw in the trash afterwards. He was upset. The guy that gave the gift said that is what a White Elephant gift is supposed to be. The guy is not new and has been at the exchange before. There is no way even if that goody bag was “new†that it had a value of $12-15. I’m trying to get dh to not think of it as he wasted $15, but that the price of his “ticket†to the party. I don’t blame him for not wanting to do it next year though.

 

My exchange was with my Bible study group. Our limit was $5. I got a snowman mug at Hallmark that was marked down to $5. They even wrapped it for me! That mug was out last year or the year before. I have been wanting it just because it’s a cute winter mug. I normally don’t like that kind of one mug in my kitchen as I don’t have room, but I really liked that one. So, I chose that gift at the exchange! Everyone knew how excited I was for it, so no one stole it. There were lots of other cute gifts, so the temptation was there to get something else, but I really liked the mug.

 

Dh wasn’t impressed with the mug I got, but at least thought it was useful. The kids were laughing at him because he didn’t get that it was the gift that I bought for the exchange and then ended up getting it anyway. Then when he realized that I basically just kept my own gift, he was mad that he didn’t just keep his gift certificate.

[Bluegoat]

I've seen these work well, but often they just seem like an imposition.  The ones I find the worst are for kids, for some reason.  Or ones with too much $$.

 

When I lived in a university residence we used to do a secret santa - there were open mail slots for all the girls so you'd leave the gifts there.  It was really fun, some of the things were really nice, like little beeswax candles, or some were quite funny (mostly risqué) or food items, things people made.

[Bluegoat]

I tend to feel bad for the people who bring the junky gifts.  They might be jus cheap, but I always imagine they are having a hard time making ends meet, or  forgot and are frantically trying to put something together as they go out the door.

 

Our budget is tight at Christmas, extra expenses, I get paid less that month, and usually we get an oil bill.  I'm trying to figure out if I can afford to make puddings or not, or whether we can spring for a seasonal concert - it's just not when I'd choose to buy a gift no one needs for an acquaintance.

Edited December 16, 2017 by Bluegoat

[ocelotmom]

We had a white elephant gift exchange at work last year, where no one really made it clear whether it was the gag-gift sort of white elephant or the safe-corporate-gift sort. Everyone basically ended up interpreting it as safe-corporate-gift, as did I... but because of other stuff going on in my life right then, my husband did the shopping for me and INSISTED that white elephant is ALWAYS gag gift. 

 

That was a little embarrassing.

 

Also, as a math tutor I routinely receive gifts that are clearly being regifted from previous gift exchanges.   I don't mind people passing things on but if you're going to give me a token gift can you please make it at least look like you tried? Helpful hint: remove the tag that says it's from your secret santa (or my favorite, the tag that indicated it was from a golf outing several years earlier, and the candy had an expiration date that was two years ago).

 

I got gifted a mug one year, with a label for the candy in it attached... but no candy. That was a little weird.

[Halftime Hope]

Dh and I both had an exchange on Thursday.

 

His was at work, called a White Elephant exchange, supposed to bring a gift valued between $12-$15. It took years before dh would participate, and he finally started to a few years ago. After this year, I doubt he will ever again. He bought a $15 gift certificate to a restaurant the coworkers like to go to for lunch. Others brought wine, phone chargers, etc... He ended up getting a used kids goody bag from an airline flight of crayons, a pad of paper, and earbuds. He threw in the trash afterwards. He was upset. The guy that gave the gift said that is what a White Elephant gift is supposed to be. The guy is not new and has been at the exchange before. There is no way even if that goody bag was “new†that it had a value of $12-15. I’m trying to get dh to not think of it as he wasted $15, but that the price of his “ticket†to the party. I don’t blame him for not wanting to do it next year though.

 

My exchange was with my Bible study group. Our limit was $5. I got a snowman mug at Hallmark that was marked down to $5. They even wrapped it for me! That mug was out last year or the year before. I have been wanting it just because it’s a cute winter mug. I normally don’t like that kind of one mug in my kitchen as I don’t have room, but I really liked that one. So, I chose that gift at the exchange! Everyone knew how excited I was for it, so no one stole it. There were lots of other cute gifts, so the temptation was there to get something else, but I really liked the mug.

 

Dh wasn’t impressed with the mug I got, but at least thought it was useful. The kids were laughing at him because he didn’t get that it was the gift that I bought for the exchange and then ended up getting it anyway. Then when he realized that I basically just kept my own gift, he was mad that he didn’t just keep his gift certificate.

 

At the parties we've attended, one of the rules is that you can't choose what you brought, so I'm glad your parties don't have that rule.  :-)

[Wabi Sabi]

I started a new job this year and the mandatory December meeting was a Christmas party with a required gift $20 exchange- not participating wasn't really an option. I ended up buying $20 worth of scratch off lotto tickets. I received a hotdog cooker, a pack of hot dogs and buns, but once all the trading was said and done ended up with a throw blanket that looks nice with our sofa, which is good because the person who got the hotdog stuff REALLY wanted it and it would've ended up at Goodwill if I'd taken it home.