Today Show firing

[Lady Florida.]

Speaking up.

:grouphug:  Please know that when I Liked your post it was for support and a virtual hug.

[Lady Florida.]

 

It's still frustrating with just how common this behavior has been and how long it has stayed hush hush among so many.  It should have all come out back when it happened (preventing future occurrences), but who knows how society would have treated it then I suppose.

 

Pretty sure they would have treated all these women the same way Anita Hill was treated. Fortunately times have changed. They haven't changed enough yet where men stop the behavior but enough that women can speak up now.

[LarlaB]

Variety article claims “multiple complaints that fell on deaf earsâ€and other grossness.

 

http://variety.com/2017/biz/news/matt-lauer-accused-sexual-harassment-multiple-women-1202625959/

 

As a victim, I am just nauseous and furious at the tolerance and coverup by others. In my recovery journey, dealing with my feelings of betrayal and distrust of those who “looked the other way†or “diminished my claims†was the hardest point. That may be unfathomable to others but I can more quickly accept the sickness of the perpetrator than tolerance and blind eyes or disbelief of the many who knew and did nothing.

 

To be hear these claims and cover it up, minimize the damage and continue to allow the perpetrator to keep their position of power and secrecy is unconscionable. You are essentially condoning the behavior and permitting it to happen again.

 

It’s not just ONE person to blame in these high profile cases. Rumors swirled for YEARS. It’s executives, assistants, associates, colleagues and subordinates who see and know and hear and are either too afraid, vulnerable, powerless or too interested in $$$ (most everyone)who are also guilty. Mostly executives who heard the reports and didn’t.do.anything.

 

To know or even suspect someone is a filthy predator and ‘allow’ them to keep their position of power is just so so hard for me to understand. Clearly I’m repeating myself, but as a victim the bystanders (not literal) multiplied the trauma.

[unsinkable]

Katie Couric said (in 2012 on TV) the worst part about working with Lauer was he was always pinching her butt.

 

And watch Lauer's interview with O'Reilly.

 

The absolute gall.

[Lady Florida.]

& also maybe we should stop hiring men until we figure out what is going on?

 

That and the men have to get training through Claire from HR before they do get hired.

 

 

 

What is most stunning to me is it often seems to me (emphasis on "seems") that those with the most to lose are the ones who behave the worst.  I don't get that.

 

They think they're untouchable.

 

2017: Dismantling the patriarchy prick by prick.

+1000 Best comment I've seen all day.

[Lady Florida.]

 

To be hear these claims and cover it up, minimize the damage and continue to allow the perpetrator to keep their position of power and secrecy is unconscionable. You are essentially condoning the behavior and permitting it to happen again.

 

 

 

To know or even suspect someone is a filthy predator and ‘allow’ them to keep their position of power is just so so hard for me to understand. Clearly I’m repeating myself, but as a victim the bystanders (not literal) multiplied the trauma.

 

I don't follow sports but I did see this story earlier. He saw Jerry Sandusky molest a boy and didn't go to police. He supposedly told a higher up but he should have done more. We need to hold those who cover things up accountable too. 

 

Tennessee no longer to hire Schiano after protests

[Frances]

I'm probably going to get flamed for this, but I think this is all rather ironic after the long thread months back about Mike Pence and how ridiculous his standards were with regard to his interactions with women that were not his wife. So many of these women that are accusing men of inappropriate behavior were having one on one meetings with the man, or meeting them in hotel rooms for what they thought were professional meetings and it sounds like that's "normal," expected behavior in their workplace. They couldn't or wouldn't or didn't for some reason refuse the meeting or see that as a red flag. In fact, in the entertainment industry especially it sounds like those kinds of meetings (in hotels and such) were expected. And yet because of the expectation that those kinds of "meetings" were okay it put them in situations that ended up being really dangerous. I think high standards for professional behavior protects men but it especially protects women in the workplace.

 

And I'm not blaming women here. I'm blaming the whole culture of it all. We can't mock one person's insistence on maintaining propriety in his professional relationships and then feign disbelief when the lack of propriety in professional work situations turns out really, really badly when some use it as an opportunity to exploit and harass others.

 

 

 

**Also, I realize that some of these scumbuckets were accosting women in elevators and other public places and that's a whole 'nother level of awfulness when men are that brash. I'm not talking about those a**holes.

I don't think Mike Pence is any paragon of virtue or morality except in his own mind. He's probably just like so many other holier than though men in power who talk about how immoral our society is, all the while doing terrible things themselves, whether sexual assault or something else. We've seen how low he's willing to go in his professional life, there's no reason to believe he's really any different than those he's chosen to closely associate with.

[Frances]

FWIW I am not a Mike Pence fan, but I completely agree with you. Society needs to catch on to the fact that acting like a "prude" is preferable to the alternative. Being careful, keeping things out in the open, protects everyone.

But why shouldn't the standards be the same regardless of gender? Not everyone is strictly heterosexual. So why not have the same professional rules regardless of your gender and the gender of those you interact with professionally?

[Ausmumof3]

Speaking up.

 

I was touched inappropriately when I was 16. More than once by the boss's son. I quit and ended up getting harassed by my mom and step-dad repeatedly for being "lazy." I didn't want to tell because I didn't think anyone would believe me and what if I was just imagining it. The effects have lasted for years.

I'm so sorry.

[emzhengjiu]

Please no references to political figures.

[bettyandbob]

Please no references to political figures.

That kind of makes the topic off limits. The problem isn't limited to entertainment or business. There are many political figures involved. The way political figures do their business affects our lives.

[maize]

That kind of makes the topic off limits. The problem isn't limited to entertainment or business. There are many political figures involved. The way political figures do their business affects our lives.

I agree with this. The discussion is not about partisan politics, it is about men--including many public figures political and otherwise, liberal and conservative and in the middle, mistreating the women around them.

[Seasider]

Katie Couric said (in 2012 on TV) the worst part about working with Lauer was he was always pinching her butt.

 

And watch Lauer's interview with O'Reilly.

 

The absolute gall.

I heard this interview this afternoon. I could not imagine the video. Was Lauer smirking all the way through?

[freeindeed]

I've thought Matt Lauer was a jerk ever since that scuff up with Ann Curry.

 

:iagree:

[unsinkable]

I heard this interview this afternoon. I could not imagine the video. Was Lauer smirking all the way through?

No, not smirking. Lauer had a serious, somber demeanor while O'Reilly was just holding down a simmering rage, IMO. Lauer was looking for a confession and contrition, and did a lot of taking his glasses off and on, and pointing with them. O'Reilly told Lauer he had it all wrong, that it was a political plot to take down Fox News, and Lauer wasn't buying it. Lauer really wanted a mea culpa moment.

[Annie G]

https://twitter.com/TheDailyShow/status/935909460031152129

 

This is a 2012 skit that features Matt Lauer as a victim. Not thrilled that the women cast members  participated in this, but it's even more annoying knowing that at the time Matt was probably harassing other women. 

[Corraleno]

Comment from Geraldo Rivera:

 

"Sad about Matt Lauer, great guy, highly skilled and empathetic w/guests & a real gentleman to my family & me. News is a flirty business and it seems like current epidemic of #SexualHarassmentAllegations may be criminalizing courtship and conflating it with predation."

 

Yeah, locking women in your office and exposing yourself to them, chastising them for refusing to perform sex acts on you, and sending them sex toys with explicit messages, are just innocent, flirty courtship rituals. 

 

:ack2:  :ack2:  :ack2:  :ack2:  :ack2:

[hornblower]

Comment from Geraldo Rivera:

 

"Sad about Matt Lauer, great guy, highly skilled and empathetic w/guests & a real gentleman to my family & me. News is a flirty business and it seems like current epidemic of #SexualHarassmentAllegations may be criminalizing courtship and conflating it with predation."

 

Yeah, locking women in your office and exposing yourself to them, chastising them for refusing to perform sex acts on you, and sending them sex toys with explicit messages, are just innocent, flirty courtship rituals. 

 

:ack2:  :ack2:  :ack2:  :ack2:  :ack2:

 

In an interview in 1991 Better Midler described being pushed and groped by Geraldo 

 

 

 

https://twitter.com/julianrouth/status/935994789606150154

[eternalsummer]

I can see it going that far, towards a culture that restricts male/female interaction in the interest of preventing harassment; however, most of the specific allegations I've heard so far have not been "courtship rituals."  Asking your secretary out on a date: courtship, sure.  Dancing with your secretary at the office party: courtship, sure.  Kissing secretary after the party when she kisses you back (or when you back off if she doesn't return the interest): okay, courtship.  Walking around naked, pinching someone's rear repeatedly, grabbing someone's breasts, masturbating in front of someone, just about anything I can imagine that resulted in a congressional hush fund settlement (including having your secretary call your mistresses and fly them in for sexual escapades using taxpayer dollars), etc.: NOT COURTSHIP. 

 

It's not rocket science. 

[Lady Florida.]

Comment from Geraldo Rivera:

 

"Sad about Matt Lauer, great guy, highly skilled and empathetic w/guests & a real gentleman to my family & me. News is a flirty business and it seems like current epidemic of #SexualHarassmentAllegations may be criminalizing courtship and conflating it with predation."

 

Yeah, locking women in your office and exposing yourself to them, chastising them for refusing to perform sex acts on you, and sending them sex toys with explicit messages, are just innocent, flirty courtship rituals.

 

:ack2: :ack2: :ack2: :ack2: :ack2:

He's most certainly part of the problem. What a jerk! Also, news is a "flirty business"? What does that even mean? It's news. It's reporting. It's not flirty. If he's referring to banter between anchors that can easily be done without innuendo. Ugh.

[eternalsummer]

Geraldo, who did some good work re: treatment of the mentally ill very early in his career, would not surprise me to be outed with allegations of sexual assault.

 

 

On the other hand, some of the people accused have surprised me, so I guess I shouldn't pre-judge.

[mathnerd]

Variety article claims “multiple complaints that fell on deaf earsâ€and other grossness.

 

http://variety.com/2017/biz/news/matt-lauer-accused-sexual-harassment-multiple-women-1202625959/

 

As a victim, I am just nauseous and furious at the tolerance and coverup by others. In my recovery journey, dealing with my feelings of betrayal and distrust of those who “looked the other way†or “diminished my claims†was the hardest point. That may be unfathomable to others but I can more quickly accept the sickness of the perpetrator than tolerance and blind eyes or disbelief of the many who knew and did nothing.

 

To be hear these claims and cover it up, minimize the damage and continue to allow the perpetrator to keep their position of power and secrecy is unconscionable. You are essentially condoning the behavior and permitting it to happen again.

 

It’s not just ONE person to blame in these high profile cases. Rumors swirled for YEARS. It’s executives, assistants, associates, colleagues and subordinates who see and know and hear and are either too afraid, vulnerable, powerless or too interested in $$$ (most everyone)who are also guilty. Mostly executives who heard the reports and didn’t.do.anything.

 

To know or even suspect someone is a filthy predator and ‘allow’ them to keep their position of power is just so so hard for me to understand. Clearly I’m repeating myself, but as a victim the bystanders (not literal) multiplied the trauma.

I just read that article that you linked and I am mad. The gall of that guy pretending to be squeaky clean on TV while all the time victimizing young women! Not to mention the enablers at NBC who kept him appeased and happy for the sake of ratings even after his victims complained. Now, they have the nerve to pretend that they have heard about only one case of harassment while there "might" be more to come. I hope that these liars and NBC get sued for millions for this.

[Lady Florida.]

I can see it going that far, towards a culture that restricts male/female interaction in the interest of preventing harassment; however, most of the specific allegations I've heard so far have not been "courtship rituals."

Yes this. When I was single and teaching two different single male teachers asked me out. I turned both down. Neither one ever asked me again and our working relationships were good. Of course we were equals so neither one was in a power position over me but those are examples of what's acceptable and how to act afterwards.

 

What we're seeing lately are NOT courtship rituals.

[gardenmom5]

I don't know if this has been added. - a (married at the time) woman is basically claiming he r@ped her until she passed out.  she's just not calling it that.  yet.   his assistant helped her to a nurse after she regained consciousness.  NBC most assuredly had to have known about that!

[eternalsummer]

I don't know if this has been added. - a (married at the time) woman is basically claiming he r@ped her until she passed out.  she's just not calling it that.  yet.   his assistant helped her to a nurse after she regained consciousness.  NBC most assuredly had to have known about that!

 

Oh, that's just part of the flirting that goes on in journalism.

[kroe1]

I'm probably going to get flamed for this, but I think this is all rather ironic after the long thread months back about Mike Pence and how ridiculous his standards were with regard to his interactions with women that were not his wife. So many of these women that are accusing men of inappropriate behavior were having one on one meetings with the man, or meeting them in hotel rooms for what they thought were professional meetings and it sounds like that's "normal," expected behavior in their workplace. They couldn't or wouldn't or didn't for some reason refuse the meeting or see that as a red flag. In fact, in the entertainment industry especially it sounds like those kinds of meetings (in hotels and such) were expected. And yet because of the expectation that those kinds of "meetings" were okay it put them in situations that ended up being really dangerous. I think high standards for professional behavior protects men but it especially protects women in the workplace.

 

And I'm not blaming women here. I'm blaming the whole culture of it all. We can't mock one person's insistence on maintaining propriety in his professional relationships and then feign disbelief when the lack of propriety in professional work situations turns out really, really badly when some use it as an opportunity to exploit and harass others.

 

 

 

**Also, I realize that some of these scumbuckets were accosting women in elevators and other public places and that's a whole 'nother level of awfulness when men are that brash. I'm not talking about those a**holes.

I could not have said this better. Back in the eighties and nineties when I was a part of the corporate world, young and good-looking, and the only female VP in a very large company, things were much different. Large variations in male dominance was tolerated, although I doubt rape would have been tolerated at all. Certainly innuendos and an occasional quick hug was almost expected. But, there were pockets of places worse than others. The males who were more deviant tended to hire each other, and they tended to hire more vulnerable females.

 

My own boss, whom I traveled with a lot, was dead set on never meeting a female alone even for dinner at a restaurant. His argument was that he never wanted his wife to have to explain his behavior to someone who spotted him. My husband and I adopted the same rules for the same reason. It was not a matter of just being guilty, but, also having our spouses hurt even if we had done nothing.

 

I can say that there were never any hotel room meetings. There were plenty of meetings in hotel conference rooms and golf courses. There was even impromptu meets at the hotel bar. Even back then, I cannot imagine a woman meeting up in her coworkers’ or clients’ hotel rooms. We were all aware of the emotions involved in being out of town in places no one knew us. There is a little more inhibition just because of the anonymity of the town.

 

I am excited that women, and male, victims feel more empowered to speak up. But, I really question the intelligence of someone who would walk into another’s hotel room without at least some fear. In regards to locking doors, elevator attacks, etc. that is beyond unfathomable. I guess I was really lucky. There was a shared cab ride to the airport with the hot Lloyd’s of London broker who I would have fallen for, but, not meant to be. I think I would have been the aggressor though.

[kroe1]

As I was typing the above, I was half listening to a rerun of a show called Two and a Half Men. I have never seen this one before. Charlie Sheen’s character is obviously disrespectful to women and thinks of them as only sex objects. Yet, his character is somewhat idolized for his free wheeling behavior. This show began in 2003. Just another example of how just a few short years can totally change society’s standards.

[bettyandbob]

I'm glad this stuff is starting to really be examined. My DD is 20. Hopefully, she will have better work environments because of the fallout.

 

I know people loved Mad Men. I tried to watch the show. Then I asked my MIL and my godmother about it. They don't know each other. Both had professional level jobs (college professor and political campaign analyst for national elections) beginning in the late 50s. Both said they watched half an episode and turned it off. They said it was a terrible time for women and work and they didn't need to see it glorified on TV. Hopefully entertainment stops portraying this stuff as cute or funny.

Edited November 30, 2017 by Diana P.

[shawthorne44]

I'm glad this stuff is starting to really be examined. My DD is 20. Hopefully, she will have better work environments because of the fallout.

 

I know people loved Mad Men. I tried to watch the show. Then I asked my MIL and my godmother about it. They don't know each other. Both had professional level jobs (college professor and political campaign analyst for national elections) beginning in the late 50s. Both said they watched half an episode and turned it off.they said it was a terrible time for women and work and they didn't need to see it glorified on TV. Hopefully entertainment stops portraying this stuff as cute or funny.

 

 

I remember reading a reprint of an article on advice for women in the workplace.  It advised taking frequent breaks to freshen your lipstick, and that a pinched butt was a complement.  Originally published in the 40's.   There were other shocking bits of advice, but it boiled down, "You are a decoration".  

[TechWife]

Comment from Geraldo Rivera:

 

"Sad about Matt Lauer, great guy, highly skilled and empathetic w/guests & a real gentleman to my family & me. News is a flirty business and it seems like current epidemic of #SexualHarassmentAllegations may be criminalizing courtship and conflating it with predation."

 

Yeah, locking women in your office and exposing yourself to them, chastising them for refusing to perform sex acts on you, and sending them sex toys with explicit messages, are just innocent, flirty courtship rituals. 

 

:ack2:  :ack2:  :ack2:  :ack2:  :ack2:

 

That's just disgusting. 

SaveSave

[Jyhwkmama]

I am sure that the phrase "current NBC management" was in the NBC statement for a reason. I am guessing most of "current NBC management" has been around way, way less time than ML was at NBC.

[gardenmom5]

 

 

So were there women who said “No, Mr. Lauer.�

 

And if they did, and got out of there, did they report it? If not, why not? Are they less harassed because they didn’t speak up?

 

It is such a mess.

 

Disclaimer: neither of us is victim-blame ng. We are both wondering if anyone stood up to him and what they did or did not say about that. And while the “him†is Lauer for purposes of discussion, it is a more general question.

 

yes.  there is one woman who has come forward.  2000?  she was married.  he told her to unbutton her blouse, she tried to leave, he locked the door.  I won't be graphic - he r@ped her into unconsciousness.  when she came too, his assistant helped her to the nbc NURSE.  NBC sure as heck KNEW about this, and they continued to sing him to big contracts.   they only reason they're dumping him is the villagers are out for blood from these types (they're all still getting off to easily) and they think this will protect them from the pitchforks and torches.  in a word: no.

[El...]

I wonder... what level of crime must be revealed for NBC to have grounds to refuse Lauer a seperation "parachute" payment?  It might be in their financial interest for the whole thing to come out, at this point.   (IMO, that would be a good thing for the world, too.  It would stink to heaven for someone to get a huge amount of money after being fired for criminal assault.) 

[shawthorne44]

At lunch yesterday, I mentioned the door look.   My friends hadn't known that part.  One's first reaction was fire code.  

 

I read that New Zealand is deciding whether or not he can keep the huge Sheep Ranch he bought recently.   There is a no scumbag rule for foreign investors.  

[Frances]

Patty Joana's post made me wonder about that door. What kind of lock was it? How could NBC allow it? Wouldn't it be a fire hazard?

 

I hope NBC fights him on his parachute payment. Drag it out through court. When is this guy going to see a courtroom?

 

Ick to that so-called apology letter. Wow. Thanks for realizing now how much you hurt these women.

I read that it was a security feature for high profile employees.

[Vida Winter]

If that story is true, Lauer should be in jail and NBC should be shut down over covering it up.

[snowbeltmom]

I wonder... what level of crime must be revealed for NBC to have grounds to refuse Lauer a seperation "parachute" payment?  It might be in their financial interest for the whole thing to come out, at this point.   (IMO, that would be a good thing for the world, too.  It would stink to heaven for someone to get a huge amount of money after being fired for criminal assault.) 

:iagree:

On the other hand, NBC may not want all of the information to be released to the public.  My guess is that NBC has been turning a blind eye in the name of profit for years.  If NBC has been looking the other way, paying off  Lauer may be cheaper than dealing with the lost revenue if the public discovers the whole story. 

 

It will be interesting to see how this plays out.

[Guest]

Can you imagine how Billy Bush felt getting fired for being part of a conversation years ago while Matt stayed on despite actively engaging in lecherous behavior??

[Seasider]

:iagree:

On the other hand, NBC may not want all of the information to be released to the public. My guess is that NBC has been turning a blind eye in the name of profit for years. If NBC has been looking the other way, paying off Lauer may be cheaper than dealing with the lost revenue if the public discovers the whole story.

 

It will be interesting to see how this plays out.

My guess is that if Lauer has the gall to her publicly go after the $30M, odds are HE knows that they knew all along and they will likely quietly settle, with a nondisclosure clause involved.

 

I do hope some criminal charges can be filed against him and others that have been recently outed.

[Sandwalker]

 

 

I am sorry. Have you been able to figure out why you thought your parents would not believe you?

 

Because she was a kid.

[ktgrok]

People don't report because they don't believe any good will come of it. He said she said. Why go through the ordeal of a rape kit and police crap for nothing to happen? That's why I didn't report. My own friends didn't believe me, why would the police?

[8circles]

People don't report because they are traumatized again through people questioning their every move - including when they reported and to whom - and ultimately they are mostly not believed.

 

At some point you have to at least try to understand that the constant barrage of why this & why that directed towards the victim is not helpful - it's actually harmful. Please, try to find your empathy.

[Sandwalker]

But why shouldn't the standards be the same regardless of gender? Not everyone is strictly heterosexual. So why not have the same professional rules regardless of your gender and the gender of those you interact with professionally?

Because women are unlikely to take out their d*cks at work.

[BarbecueMom]

I think they would report it for clicks whether it was a man or woman, but there are more female teachers so it doesn't surprise me if they report about females more often. I do hear about bus drivers committing crimes against their students, too (the one I recall was male I believe).

 

I guess my point was that depending on the field, there may be a more female committing crime against male dynamic than a male/female.

The most likely culprit of a sexual assault on a school bus is another student. But we usually don't get to hear on the news how Little Johnny is a 3rd grade predator until he's in his 30's and racked up several more victims. There was a local article not too long ago about who deals with a 7yo that sexually assaulted another child. DFS and the juvenile court pointed their fingers at each other, school didn't know what to do because it didn't happen at school. It's probably a good thing no one asks me. I'm not charitable or understanding on this topic.

 

And for the record, I do believe predators are born that way. A good, stable childhood might be what gives them the tools to get to 55+ years old and a high-powered TV journalism/political/movie career before they get caught.

[Junie]

Reading these last few posts, I thought of Drew Barrymore wishing David Letterman a happy birthday by kneeling on his desk and lifting her shirt.

 

 

[shawthorne44]

That 84K is the tip of the iceberg.   17 million has been paid out since 1997, although discrimination is put in the same bucket.  

 

[Sandwalker]

See, here is what I don't understand. Again, NOT victim-blaming. Asking.

 

That poor woman who was r*ped into unconsciousness: she was married at the time, and the story goes that she told her then-husband at the time of the assault.

 

How does this conversation go?

"Hi honey, how was your day?"

"Oh, it was pretty bad. I passed out."

"How did that happen?"

 

...and from here on out, I am completely lost as to how this was not reported as a crime, and I'm not talking about reporting to HR but to the police and as a crime, not a Company Policy Infraction.

 

Maybe the woman is afraid of losing her job, although how the fear of that could be greater than the fear of what had already happened happening again, I don't know. And maybe she knows that going to HR will do NOTHING for her. Maybe there IS something worse she fears. But giving her the space for that...

 

How does this not get reported to the police once the then-husband knows?

Continuing the conversation:

"Wow. That sounds like a bad day. Hey, hon, would you pass the salt?"

 

This is what has bothered me (and my dh) about these stories not just now but over the years...the criminal acts in universities, public schools, in religious settings, in the general workplace, in political settings--why are they not reported as crimes to the public authorities? (Sometimes they are, I know that...but this continues to be a question.). The internal handling of these crimes has an abysmal track record in EVERY setting.

 

I'm referring to this particular story not to pick on this woman, but to use it an example that is current and in the public eye.

She probably thought about the women who have had their lives ruined by the media/public opinion after accusing a powerful person of sexual inappropriateness. And the low chance of anything happening to stop the rapist, anyway. She'd be accused of being a money grubber, liar, ho.

[8circles]

It is my hope that this latest set of scandals and the fact that women *are* being believed will change the situation stated in your first paragraph.  Truly, that is one of the most important things that can happen out of this--for so many years, we have heard again and again that "it is not your fault if you are assaulted"--and it is good to see teeth being put behind what we have been told...finally.   That said, I know it is never easy to go over and over again what was a traumatic and catastrophic experience.  

 

I'm not going to pretend I can be completely empathetic in a situation I do not understand...but  one can ask these questions in discussions and have at least *some* measure of empathy.  

 

Perhaps bringing this out will help women understand that they don't have to be "good guys" in the situation, to play according to the Institutional Rules, reporting to HR or the campus police or the congressional ombudsman, and so on, where *nothing* will happen--when a crime has been committed...go to the police.  Not to the people who have a vested interest in covering it up. 

 

PART of the reason women who have been assaulted need to do this is so they *will* be taken seriously, and to make it clear that it is a CRIMINAL act, not a shakedown (which is how a "settlement" can be perceived, minimizing the criminality of the assault).  If a person is charged with a criminal act, there is a body of law with teeth in it...that does not prevent going after the criminal in a civil suit for personal damages.  

 

I think this NBC/Lauer thing stands to be a watershed case.  It *has* to wake people up to the fact that it is not "just"  "office canoodling" and that it has to be addressed as an area of crime, not internal affairs (no pun intended...but that is an interesting phrase...).   "Internal handling" of criminal acts has to go away, at every institution--governement, corporate, religious, educational.  Every one of them.  

 

I'm not advocating NOT going to the police. But it's not as if they're some magical beings who make everything better. 

 

It's traumatizing and sometimes pointless.

 

Especially in light of the recent big news stories about corrupt police - including police raping girls in their squad cars - this admonishment because everyone doesn't go to the police is a bit tone deaf.

[LMD]

Why don't women report? Largely because no one believes them, nothing comes from reports anyway, and they are ashamed - they feel like it's their own fault.

 

I can bet that for the victim - she probably felt stupid for going into his office (even though it's her job and she should be safe at work), for smiling or going along with the joke at the beginning (we try to placate our attackers to allow for less violence and a chance of escape).

 

She probably had sketchy memory after passing out and her rapist would have already had time to tell colleagues/the nurse some lie - it would be much easier to stay in denial a little longer rather than tell your colleagues that you were just raped!

And then, how do you tell your husband? He was probably called by someone at the office saying she was sick or some bs. The truth probably came out a little later, after she was able to process and name what had happened and say it out loud and crush the person who loves her.

 

In the meantime her rapist has been telling his story all over the office and painting her as an unreliable witness "she passed out, she seemed confused/off/delicate" and then management would issue an 'everyone be sensitive and stop gossiping' edict - so his side is THE side.

 

In the meantime, she is trying to pull herself together. There are new bills to pay - counsellor, doctor/hospital, morning after pill, days off work etc - and suddenly there's a 'concerned' phonecall from the company lawyer offering some more time off and a cash amount that the company uses for 'people who have a mental health emergency' - before you know it she's been payed off and discredited in one hit.

 

Now, after a few weeks and counselling sessions she remembers more and feels strong enough to relive it all over again (and again and again) for the police - too late. Why didn't she immediately report? The evidence is gone. And besides, you're not exactly a believable witness - you went in the office willingly and joked around with him regularly. He says it's consensual and you didn't remember then changed your story. No case. Oh, they care, there's just not enough evidence to risk charging a powerful man.

 

She goes back to work. Colleagues think she's a mental case and a slut trying to sleep her way to the top. The lawyers check in again and warn that - since the police aren't prosecuting - she better not slander him.

 

 

***pieced together from the cases I know personally. Obviously I have no idea what actually happened.

[Lady Florida.]

I think they would report it for clicks whether it was a man or woman, but there are more female teachers so it doesn't surprise me if they report about females more often. I do hear about bus drivers committing crimes against their students, too (the one I recall was male I believe).

 

I guess my point was that depending on the field, there may be a more female committing crime against male dynamic than a male/female.

 

It seems like the ones that make the news are female teacher-male student, which is part of the male fantasy for some males. Maybe that's why it's news, especially if it's men who choose which stories to cover..

 

From my small sample size - I taught at a high school with approximately 2000 students - the only ones I knew of were male teacher-female student. In the 15 years I taught there, there were two instances of such inappropriate relationships. Both were male teachers with female students.