s/o is this comment appropriate?

[SKL]

OK I'm not usually into political correctness, but this rubbed me the wrong way, and I wondered how the Hive would think of it.

 

A male journalist was interviewing a female politician.  At the end of the interview, her # of years of serving the country (in military and then politics) was mentioned.  He said, "you don't look old enough to have that many years of experience."

 

Would that rub you the wrong way?  Why or why not?

[Ellie]

OK I'm not usually into political correctness, but this rubbed me the wrong way, and I wondered how the Hive would think of it.

 

A male journalist was interviewing a female politician.  At the end of the interview, her # of years of serving the country (in military and then politics) was mentioned.  He said, "you don't look old enough to have that many years of experience."

 

Would that rub you the wrong way?  Why or why not?

 

:huh:

 

Well, he wouldn't have said that to a male politician...

[Crimson Wife]

Sounds like he was trying to give a compliment but it came out awkwardly.

[Selkie]

It wouldn't bother me and I wouldn't think of it as sexist. I've heard similar comments made about youthful-looking men before.

[SKL]

I know that is considered a compliment in some situations.  But in this situation it felt like he was belittling her years of service.  Like if you're a woman who has given 25 years to the country and counting, it's secondary to how pretty you look?  I dunno.

[Selkie]

He didn't say anything about her looking pretty, just youthful - and those are two different things. Plenty of people look young but aren't pretty.

[Farrar]

I'm sure he thought he was complimenting her appearance. But I agree that it was inappropriate and that it subtly undermines her as an authority. Also, that I think it's unlikely the same reporter would have said that to a male politician he was interviewing or even that *any* journalist would have done so. It's a prime example of the pervasiveness of sexism.

[SKL]

I know he didn't mean to offend.  I just think it's one of those things people in the public eye should be taught not to do.

[EmseB]

People say that to me sometimes when they find out about my years in the military pre-kids. I love hearing it because I hardly even get carded anymore. :D

 

I say it to people sometimes when I find out they have, say, teens and I didn't realize it because they look so youthful. I always mean it as a compliment.

[heartlikealion]

It was an inappropriate thing to say. He likely thought he was being flattering, but it's one of those "compliments" that casts shade on a woman's achievements by affirming her looks and placing the two in conflict. "You're too pretty to be that smart," "you look too young to be so accomplished." Or my personal favorite that I've received "you did that surprisingly well" from a much older male colleague. They're all variations on "from looking at you no one would expect you to be good at your job, but it turns out you are!"

 

While that can be true, I don't think it is necessarily. It's not that young people can't accomplish things, it's just that sometimes it takes you aback. Like someone that can retire at age 25. I was a little taken aback when I found one of ds' doctors just because she's pretty much the only one in our state that does what she does and she's quite young. Her profile says she was recognized one year on some Top 40 under 40 list. If that makes me sound like I'm questioning her qualifications, I'm not.

[Crimson Wife]

Back when I was in my 20's and had a fast-track corporate jr executive job, I used to get the backhanded compliment, "Wow, you're smarter than you look!" all the time from male colleagues. :glare: I know they didn't intend it to come off as implying that attractiveness and intelligence are inversely related in women, but it did. 

[Selkie]

I remember lots of reporters, both male and female, commenting on Obama's youthful appearance when he was elected in 2008.

 

 

[SKL]

Guess I'm lucky that I look neither young nor pretty.  :P

[SKL]

This was an interview about something deadly serious though.  It was not a light-hearted topic in any way.  Her military and public service history were relevant to the interview.  He blew it off and made it a joke.

[EmseB]

Back when I was in my 20's and had a fast-track corporate jr executive job, I used to get the backhanded compliment, "Wow, you're smarter than you look!" all the time from male colleagues. :glare: I know they didn't intend it to come off as implying that attractiveness and intelligence are inversely related in women, but it did.

I don't think it's related to saying someone looks young for their accomplishments.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I think it could be said to a male too.  I wouldn't read too deeply into it.

 

 

[EmseB]

Oh, and people say it to my DH when they find out he is close to military retirement. Either we are both getting insulted a lot for looking too young or it isn't meant as a dig. I'll continue in oblivion and assume the latter. :D

Edited June 18, 2017 by EmseB

[Selkie]

Guess I'm lucky that I look neither young nor pretty.  :p

 

Same here. I would welcome comments about my youthful appearance, but I would know the person was lying through his/her teeth.  :laugh:

[TravelingChris]

My dh and I get that a lot- him more so than me. People are surprised that we have a 27 year old son. They are surprised that we will be celebrating our 32 anniversary this September etc. With your further statement that it was a conversation about a very serious topic, I do kind of think it wasn't appropriate to the situation. But not because she was a woman but just the situation.

[Greta]

I know that is considered a compliment in some situations. But in this situation it felt like he was belittling her years of service. Like if you're a woman who has given 25 years to the country and counting, it's secondary to how pretty you look? I dunno.

Yeah, I know exactly what you mean, because it strikes me the same way. I once heard a misogynist say that the highest compliment you can pay a woman is to tell her she's sexy. Because, you know, our whole purpose for existing is to sexually please men, right? Obviously your interviewer wasn't being so blatantly misogynistic, and I'm sure he even thought he was being kind. But the basic premise he was operating on is essentially the same: that a woman's worth lies in her beauty. I think that women and girls get sent this message in a million little ways throughout our lives. And I'm pretty sick of it, myself.

 

And I can't imagine a man being told that in that kind of interview. The only time I can recall an interviewer mentioning the physical attractiveness of the man being interviewed was when it was an actor known for being a "heartthrob".

[HS Mom in NC]

I've hear men say to other men that they didn't think they looked old enough to have ____________________ but I agree that it's far more common to say something like that to a woman.  I think people shouldn't read too much into it or make accusations of sexism based on that comment alone because IRL I've heard it said to men.

That being said, I think we as a society spend far too much time focusing on appearance.  Appearance is rarely relevant in most contexts, especially in a discussion about qualifications and experience.

[nixpix5]

I've hear men say to other men that they didn't think they looked old enough to have ____________________ but I agree that it's far more common to say something like that to a woman. I think people shouldn't read too much into it or make accusations of sexism based on that comment alone because IRL I've heard it said to men.

 

That being said, I think we as a society spend far too much time focusing on appearance. Appearance is rarely relevant in most contexts, especially in a discussion about qualifications and experience.

Agree with all of this.

[J-rap]

I think it is considered a neutral comment, or maybe even a compliment assuming most people would prefer to look younger than their age.  I've heard it said to men as well as women.  It wouldn't bother me.

[Word Nerd]

When I met DD's science teacher at a P-T conference, I remember thinking he looked young enough to be a student himself, but I wouldn't ever tell him that. I don't think that type of observation is offensive or sexist, but it's also not really appropriate and doesn't need to be said.

[goldberry]

Back when I was in my 20's and had a fast-track corporate jr executive job, I used to get the backhanded compliment, "Wow, you're smarter than you look!" all the time from male colleagues. :glare: I know they didn't intend it to come off as implying that attractiveness and intelligence are inversely related in women, but it did. 

 

My DD gets fairly often, "You're beautiful AND smart!"  Like, how shocking!  :glare:

[goldberry]

Re the OP, I would say yes it is *slightly* sexist, but pretty far down on the list of offensiveness...

[Mom22ns]

I get comments like this all the time because I still look a lot younger than I am (although far from beautiful). Dh used to get this a lot too though. It isn't sexist in my mind at all. People used to be shocked by what he was doing because they always though he was a good 10 years younger than he was while he was in his 20's and 30s. He looks more his age now, so these comments have stopped, but it isn't something people say only to women. 

[Bluegoat]

I wouln't think of it necessarily as sexist - although maybe if I sawit I would.  I would say it was an odd thing to say in a serious interview, and I might wonder if the interviewer was inexperienced. 

[PrincessMommy]

I know that is considered a compliment in some situations.  But in this situation it felt like he was belittling her years of service.  Like if you're a woman who has given 25 years to the country and counting, it's secondary to how pretty you look?  I dunno.

 

I agree.  Given the situation it doesn't seem appropriate.  

[Farrar]

You know, in and of itself, this is not a big deal. And occasionally, I'm sure people make those comments to men as well. It's more that it builds up over time. This is exactly what is meant by microaggressions. In and of themselves, not that big deal. They become a thing worthy of conversation because they happen disproportionately to a particular group (in this case women) and they have a cumulative effect.

[Danestress]

Not a huge deal, but if is sort of an annoying pattern that how women looks always seems like more of a talking point then how men look.

[gardenmom5]

it was inappropriate.  I assume he thought he was being flattering - in the business world, it's not. (unless your career is in front of a camera- where looking young is a business asset.)  it undermines professionalism of an earned position and years of experience.  it suggests - "you're too young."

 

there are rules of etiquette for this reasons- for business and social lines that shall not be crossed - and he crossed them.   it makes him look like an unprofessional idiot.  

 

I still get it from people when they find out i have children in their 30s - it's very tiresome - and it's not flattering.   

[Pam in CT]

Reminds me of Ron's grumble to Hermione, always the tone of surprise.  If it is indeed meant as a compliment, it's a bit backhanded, isn't it.  Dang, I wouldn't have expected you could have done that.  Said in the context of her appearance, it puts appearance and competence in tension with one another.

 

 

[FaithManor]

It was a back handed compliment that was not appropriate for male or female because it casts an I direct aspersions on the expertise and experience certain of the interviewee. It was an oops. One of those things a person thinks, but shouldn't let escape the tongue. It is very awkward for the receiver of the "compliment".

[DawnM]

Wouldn't even phase me.

[Reefgazer]

No, it wouldn't bother me because I would just assume she looked young for her age. 

[ondreeuh]

I have always gotten the comment that I don't look old enough to have kids the age that mine are. It's awkward because I did start very young and it's none of their business. It's not something I want to talk about with a stranger. I just act surprised and say thank you, and say I guess it's because I use sunscreen. Recently a nurse gasped when she looked at my chart, because she had assumed I was her age and she had just realized I was 10 years older. I took that well. ;)

[Carrie12345]

I think it was inappropriate, but in more of the professionalism realm than in misogyny.  I don't doubt that one could trace it back to roots of sexism, but I don't take it as a sign that this person is sexist.  (Similar to the differences between racial bias and racism.)

 

I say that after just having had a conversation about Gabourey Sidibe and her statements about being congratulated for her weight loss. I am most definitely one who tells people "You look terrific!" when they've dropped weight, without thinking about implying they didn't before, or that they're "better" than they were.  Of course I don't mean those things, but my eyes, brain, and mouth are practically pre-programmed to comment on noticeable weight loss.  My eyes and brain also notice big weight gains, but my mouth is programmed to stay shut.

 

I guarantee I've told someone they look too young to have X, Y, or Z. Again, eyes/brain/mouth settings.  I've lived with my husband for almost 17 years, and he's constantly told he looks to young to... everything. (He got carded on our honeymoon, I did not.)  That doesn't make it appropriate though, and certainly not in a professional setting.

[SKL]

The other reason not to say something like that on a TV interview (especially one about a deadly serious matter) is that it puts the other person in a position of having no appropriate reply.  I mean is she gonna say "thank you"?  Anything she would say would make her look bad to somebody.

[SKL]

And not to be political, but just because he's a good example, let's consider Marco Rubio.  I think he looks very young (and cute!).  Now suppose he's being interviewed about the recent mass shooting in DC targeting politicians.  Part of the subject is death threats he himself has received.  His comment on that is that he isn't going to be scared out of doing his civic duty, he's been serving the country (including at times in harm's way) for 25 years and plans to continue.

 

Can you imagine the journalist smiling at that point and saying, "you don't look old enough to have served the country for 25 years"?

 

I guess I would have thought that big-time journalists would have been taught not to do things like that.  You know, like you wouldn't tell a black interviewee how "articulate" she was, even if it was true and even if you'd say it to other people under other circumstances.

[Selkie]

And not to be political, but just because he's a good example, let's consider Marco Rubio.  I think he looks very young (and cute!).  Now suppose he's being interviewed about the recent mass shooting in DC targeting politicians.  Part of the subject is death threats he himself has received.  His comment on that is that he isn't going to be scared out of doing his civic duty, he's been serving the country (including at times in harm's way) for 25 years and plans to continue.

 

Can you imagine the journalist smiling at that point and saying, "you don't look old enough to have served the country for 25 years"?

 

I guess I would have thought that big-time journalists would have been taught not to do things like that.  You know, like you wouldn't tell a black interviewee how "articulate" she was, even if it was true and even if you'd say it to other people under other circumstances.

 

I agree with you that such a comment is inappropriate (to anyone, male or female) when discussing a very serious topic like that. However, I have noticed that many reporters and journalists act very unprofessionally these days - so it's not that surprising, sadly.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I think the only people offended by being told they look younger are younger people.  :laugh:   I remember the horror when a waitress gave me the 12 and under menu when I was 18.  Now I wish!!!  (So long as they don't bring me the senior menu I'm good...)

 

 

[Lady Florida.]

It was definitely inappropriate and unprofessional.

[Pam in CT]

The other reason not to say something like that on a TV interview (especially one about a deadly serious matter) is that it puts the other person in a position of having no appropriate reply.  I mean is she gonna say "thank you"?  Anything she would say would make her look bad to somebody.

 

 

You're right -- in that context, there is no appropriate reply.  A TV interview with a seasoned public servant, about a deadly serious matter, is no place to respond coyly or appreciatively or whatever about a compliment about appearance.  But neither is it a place to launch a discussion about double standards about appearance or how expectations of aging are different for men vs women or blah blah blah.  There's no good response.  The best is ignoring it and moving on as quickly as feasible, which is hardly the point of an interview question.

 

It's not a *big* deal, but is an interviewer lapse.  Live and learn, hopefully.

[gardenmom5]

 

the so-called journalist lives in front of a camera.  looks matter. for him, and in-front-of-the-camera coworkers.  there seems to be a real problem with journalists living in their bubble and thinking everyone is the same.

we had a local news anchor who lost her job when she developed vitiglio.  or maybe they moved her to the newsroom - anyway, she was no longer in front of a camera.   I'd always liked her . .   I also remember one who started - with a very .. "unflattering" hairstyle.  she got a make-over.

in front of camera - looks matter as part of their job. most people don't live in front of a camera.

 

I think the only people offended by being told they look younger are younger people.  :laugh:   I remember the horror when a waitress gave me the 12 and under menu when I was 18.  Now I wish!!!  (So long as they don't bring me the senior menu I'm good...)

 

I'm not young.  I just celebrated my 35th wedding anniversary.  granted I look old enough to not be carded  - but the reactions are tiresome.  I get them from younger people as well as older.

the irony is - when I was a teenager - people thought I was in my 20s.

 

should I say I think people who think it's no big deal must look old for their age?

my dad was being given the senior discount when he was in his 40s.  he always corrected them.  he had gray hair when he got married at 25. at his 25 years HS reunion - his picture was put in with the teachers.

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

 

 

Not appropriate.

He'd never have say that to a man.

Nor would he try and compliment the appearance of a man in that position.

[SKL]

I think the only people offended by being told they look younger are younger people.  :laugh:   I remember the horror when a waitress gave me the 12 and under menu when I was 18.  Now I wish!!!  (So long as they don't bring me the senior menu I'm good...)

 

I'll take the senior menu!

 

[nixpix5]

I agree with you that such a comment is inappropriate (to anyone, male or female) when discussing a very serious topic like that. However, I have noticed that many reporters and journalists act very unprofessionally these days - so it's not that surprising, sadly.

Yes they do, unfortunately. New media and journalism in general has lost some of its integrity. Recently I was remembering as a child looking at the headlines on "The Enquirer" magazine or "Star" in the grocery store check out and even then, realizing how over the top they sounded compared to legitimate news. Now, much of the way those articles were worded are seen daily in our news feeds. To some extent I have seen this carry over into reporting on broadcasts.

 

To address the original question, it wouldn't bother me but I see why others might be bothered by it. We have some deeply ingrained beliefs that will take significant time to irradicate. Ageism in women is one for sure. Yes, men do believe that looks and youthfulness are important to women. Why wouldn't they? The cosmetic industry continues to boom, there are copious amounts of youtube videos by women on everything from makeup application, to what face cream to use etc. I don't see many men making those videos. Women appear to be obsessed with their appearance and advertising piggybacks on this idea with the byproduct that men are also inundated with this belief that women are obsessed with their appearance.

 

I wish events like Miss America would just go away. It perpetuates the cycle. Women get up on stage, put Vaseline on their teeth and parade in a swimsuit to be topped off with questions to show how smart they are (once again tying beauty to intelligence). As a society we need to really be looking at critically all of the ways we continue to lay the foundation of these beliefs within our society.

 

There are many men that might make a comment like that in a chauvinistic way but some are innocently a byproduct of deep cultural programming.

Edited June 19, 2017 by nixpix5

[scrapbookbuzz]

I would take that as a compliment, whether he meant it as such or not.

[Starr]

Change comes so slowly. Men have for a long time complimented women's looks to connect, be nice, or affirming. It just comes out of their mouths. My advice  to the men in my life is not to comment in any way on a woman's looks, age etc. Don't try and figure out if it's okay, just don't do it.