Texts at late hours?

[heartlikealion]

I think people should realize that many of us are light sleepers and a text will wake us up (my sister works late and likes to see if I'm up at 2 am.... I am NOW).  I don't know if this has been mentioned but... You can turn your notifications volume down while keeping the ringer volume up, on most phones.

 

I'm going to have to google some things because I can barely handle volume features lol. When I want to adjust ringer volume sometimes I adjust the volume of other things and vice versa. I just hit that button on the side of the phone and depending on what is going on the phone decides which volume I'm controlling. I hate that.

 

Feel free to text me right now. Up in the middle of the night after baby peed the bed

 

[CadenceSophia]

I can't believe how forcefully people have defended opinions here lol.

 

Personally, I don't send texts at odd hours unless I know the person's schedule and whether or not I will bother them. It's not worth the risk of waking someone up accidentally, even if they just forgot to change their phone settings that one night.

 

My entire circle does not text at night short of emergency or schedule things. I don't think 9pm is a strict cut off exactly, but by 10 if I don't know the person enough to know how late they may be up.

 

I think I have discussed texting preferences with nearly everyone I might consider sending personal texts to at various times. I find people usually ask me my preference whether they should wait until I am awake to text or not (time zone issues), and I have asked other people how late they mind receiving texts. I thought that was the norm.

[kiwik]

I wouldn't send someone a text after 10 to 10.30 unless I knew they were up.  I wouldn't text someone I didn't know or who wasn't expecting it anyway.  It is not like a phone call though as the person knows it is not the police or the hospital so can ignore it.

 

That said often texts seem to get lost here (NZ) and it is not uncommon for a text to arrive hours after you sent it,  I have had texts I sent to my mother early afternoon turn up at 3 am and sometimes 6 or 7 texts will arrive at once at that time - I have already called by that time so the texts aren't even very useful.  The other day I noticed my phone was still trying to send a text from the day before.  I wouldn't get grumpy about late night text because of this.

 

I also get emails all night because they are coming from the US.  I mostly tune them out.

[poppy]

I agree that if 90+% of the people are using DND or don't mind hearing notifications all night, then it doesn't make sense to expect everyone to still act as if there were no DND.

I haven't seen 90+% people say they use DND but we have seen poster after poster after poster say she avoids texting after 9 or 10.

[ksr5377]

I don't like late hour texts either. I'm not a big texter but know lots that are, and I would say they treat it more like a phone call. They're expecting a response within 30 minutes at the latest. Its obvious on group texts that I'm the odd man out. Everyone will respond within 15 minutes or so.

[Bluegoat]

So true!! 

 

During my dd's freshman year in college, I got a text from her at 2am. She goes to school in VA, so that meant it was 5am for her.

 

All it said was, "Did the Pioneer Woman go to college?" I immediately responded, "Yes. I'm pretty sure she went to USC." She said, "Dang it! OK, thanks." 

 

Next morning, I text her and ask her why she wanted to know. She had been up all night struggling through her first mid-term season and was contemplating alternative career paths that did not include college. :lol:

 

I have also had so many late night text convos with my 24 yo DS who is trying to figure out life right now. 

 

I wouldn't trade those text exchanges for anything in the world! :)

 

That's nice, but not an emergency.  And as long as you allowed her texts through, you would have got it.  Alternatly, she could have phoned if you were not available by text.

 

If you want to recieve all text notifications at night so you can have these conversations, that's great.  It doesn't make it rude for other people to text then, though,  Any more than if you chose to get email notifications at night, it would be rude for people to send them.

[SKL]

So question for those who want to get texts (including non-emergency texts) from their kids at all hours.

 

Do you teach your kids that it's rude to text at those hours?  If so, how is it that your kids text you at all hours?

[Pam in CT]

My kids and parents know that if it's an emergency, or otherwise critical (like a change in imminent pickup logistics) they need to CALL.  Because texting is a one-way form of communication.  Transmission does not equal receipt.  So if they send a text while I am driving or asleep, they've transmitted but I have not received; therefore, if t's critical, they must CALL, so they hear my (bluetooth or sleepy) voice and thereby know I have received their critical news.  This has taken a bit of training with the kids but it's pretty self-evident to grownups.

 

I'm basically a Luddite, but even I can work out how to turn off text pings and still allow calls to go through at night.

 

It's my job to make my technology work for me.  It's not reasonable for me to expect the world -- relatives overseas in totally different time zones, a college aged daughter who likes to text me all sorts of goofy non-urgent nonsense at whatever odd hours the whim strikes, automated pre-dawn weather alerts from schools -- to sort to my preferences.

[Jean in Newcastle]

People have made a good point about texts not always going through right when they were made from the transmitting end. So holding people responsible for when the text was received is illogical based on how the technology works at times. If I text one person at a time (and if the person has the same kind of phone as mine? Not sure on this part) then my phone will tell me when the text was read. (Though I think that the recipient can disable that feature? Again- not sure) I do know for sure that on group texts that I cannot see when each received and read the text. And I have friends who receive the group text immediately and other receive the exact same text hours later because they have told me when they received it.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Seasider]

Shoes on or off

Cart returns

Knitting in public

Cupcakes

Mathwars

 

Midnight texting is now in the hall of fame.

Crock pots

Posture while peeing

[marbel]

So question for those who want to get texts (including non-emergency texts) from their kids at all hours.

 

Do you teach your kids that it's rude to text at those hours?  If so, how is it that your kids text you at all hours?

 

You don't see a difference between texting friends, acquaintances, coworkers, neighbors... and texting mom and dad?   

 

I actually am not teaching my kids that texting after, say, 9pm is rude, though that's generally the standard I go by unless I know otherwise.  I teach them that for my generation, hours between 9am and 9am are considered off limits for phone calls, so if they need to get in touch with someone they don't know well, or an older person (granny), they should abide by that guideline.  Otherwise, they need to work that out with their people.  As for me, they are and always will be welcome to call, text, knock on my door... any time they want or need to. 

 

Communications have changed so much since I became an adult.  I don't presume to know how the current generation of young adults wants to handle this sort of thing.   I am not only pre-texting, I am pre-cellphone.  Geez, I am even pre-cordless phone.  I know how to use the technology that is available to me, but I'm not going to try to dictate current etiquette. 

[Princess Ariel]

I don't really care when someone texts me as we still have our land line for emergencies. I silence my phone at night.  Our cell service has never been very reliable until just recently so we have kept the land line.  As for sending texts, I would only send to people who I know keep late hours if it were 10:00 PM or later.

[happi duck]

Texts not always going through right away is a good point!

 

I have noticed​ that group texts are the ones that can take an especially long time. I never group text because of this.

 

Also, unless the group needs to know I respond to the group text *sender* not the group.

[gardenmom5]

People have made a good point about texts not always going through right when they were made from the transmitting end. So holding people responsible for when the text was received is illogical based on how the technology works at times. If I text one person at a time (and if the person has the same kind of phone as mine? Not sure on this part) then my phone will tell me when the text was read. (Though I think that the recipient can disable that feature? Again- not sure) I do know for sure that on group texts that I cannot see when each received and read the text. And I have friends who receive the group text immediately and other receive the exact same text hours later because they have told me when they received it.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

with email I can have it send me a 'read receipt' - didn't know that was an option for texting.  I'll have to look at the settings.

and that e-mail receipt - if I receive one with a read' receipt- it asks me if I want the notice sent to the sender.

[amy g.]

Well, it is rude for an acquaintance to plop down and sit in my lap, but not for one of my kids to.

 

I want to hear from my kids at all times about all subjects. I would be really unhappy if one of my children was trying to contact me about anything and could not reach me.

 

We all prefer texting to phone calls. If we have something to discuss that is too long to type, we actually text, "Is now an Ok time for me to call?" Or "Would you call me when you get a break?"

 

So no. I'm not going to tell my own children that they need to call instead of text me if they have an emergency.

 

I know that my feelings about this are in the minority, so I block people who text me at night I'll concede that they are not actually being rude, but their habits are not a good fit with my own.

 

If someone from church or swim team was texting me at night. I'd ask them to email instead, but fortunately most people I have contact with has been very considerate and this hasn't become needed.

[poppy]

My kids and parents know that if it's an emergency, or otherwise critical (like a change in imminent pickup logistics) they need to CALL. Because texting is a one-way form of communication. Transmission does not equal receipt. So if they send a text while I am driving or asleep, they've transmitted but I have not received; therefore, if t's critical, they must CALL, so they hear my (bluetooth or sleepy) voice and thereby know I have received their critical news. This has taken a bit of training with the kids but it's pretty self-evident to grownups.

 

I'm basically a Luddite, but even I can work out how to turn off text pings and still allow calls to go through at night.

 

It's my job to make my technology work for me. It's not reasonable for me to expect the world -- relatives overseas in totally different time zones, a college aged daughter who likes to text me all sorts of goofy non-urgent nonsense at whatever odd hours the whim strikes, automated pre-dawn weather alerts from schools -- to sort to my preferences.

Put it the other way. Would you text someone at 1am or would you avoid that because you would feel rude doing so?

 

I am in camp 'I wouldn't and I think others should be similarly considerate'. I also wouldn't text my acquaintance in Bangalore on US time without checking her time because, as an adult, I am aware of time zones. But if a group text pings at night due to delivery delay ..... really no big deal.

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

I wouldn't send someone a text after 10 to 10.30 unless I knew they were up. I wouldn't text someone I didn't know or who wasn't expecting it anyway. It is not like a phone call though as the person knows it is not the police or the hospital so can ignore it.

 

That said often texts seem to get lost here (NZ) and it is not uncommon for a text to arrive hours after you sent it, I have had texts I sent to my mother early afternoon turn up at 3 am and sometimes 6 or 7 texts will arrive at once at that time - I have already called by that time so the texts aren't even very useful. The other day I noticed my phone was still trying to send a text from the day before. I wouldn't get grumpy about late night text because of this.

 

I also get emails all night because they are coming from the US. I mostly tune them out.

Lost texts happen to me frequently.

[Pam in CT]

re matching preferences to family circumstances & family culture:

 

.. I want to hear from my kids at all times about all subjects. I would be really unhappy if one of my children was trying to contact me about anything and could not reach me.

We all prefer texting to phone calls. If we have something to discuss that is too long to type, we actually text, "Is now an Ok time for me to call?" Or "Would you call me when you get a break?"

So no. I'm not going to tell my own children that they need to call instead of text me if they have an emergency.

I know that my feelings about this are in the minority, so I block people who text me at night I'll concede that they are not actually being rude, but their habits are not a good fit with my own....

 

Right.  Whereas -- I'm a very light sleeper, I have a hard time getting back to sleep; when my overseas brother or my night owl daughter text me a funny photo, I don't want my precious sleep interrupted; I want to look at it in the morning.  I also spend a lot of time driving, where looking at texts is dangerous and illegal; and in class, where looking at texts is against policy and rude to students.  I don't look at every text the instant it's sent.  My family and close friends know that.  

 

So my "fit" is different.  I figure setting my phone preferences to fit my circumstances is my job, though, not the rest of the world's. 

[Pam in CT]

re texting to Bangalore

 

Put it the other way. Would you text someone at 1am or would you avoid that because you would feel rude doing so?

I am in camp 'I wouldn't and I think others should be similarly considerate'. I also wouldn't text my acquaintance in Bangalore on US time without checking her time because, as an adult, I am aware of time zones. But if a group text pings at night due to delivery delay ..... really no big deal.

Well, I've been out of the off-time-zone corporate life since before texting was a thing.  The only people in off-time zones that I actually text are close family members.  No, I wouldn't (don't) feel rude -- they're grownups, they can manage their phone preferences at least as competently as I can.  You don't want to be pinged, turn the pings off.

 

 

The off-time-zone 24/7 expected work availability that some people live seems to me to be a different issue -- serious and seriously disruptive, but not fundamentally about texting or any other technology.  I lived it before texting, but as email exploded; and, those of us straddling time zones were expected to check email at 9 at night and 10 at night and right before going to sleep; and if something was deemed "urgent" folks would call (waking up my husband in the process) and I'd have to get up and haul my sorry self to my computer.  The problem was at root about expectations, not about any particular technology.  I suppose if I lived it now I'd have more-complex preference settings, where known bosses / colleagues/ clients could ping through and others could not.  But it'd be hard for me to live like that -- it was hard for me when I did it, particularly after kids.  

 

For me, boundaries are essential to my own mental health.  (But it's *my* job to manage my boundaries; I don't expect others to read my mind or know my schedule or where I am or what I'm doing...)

[heartlikealion]

People have made a good point about texts not always going through right when they were made from the transmitting end. So holding people responsible for when the text was received is illogical based on how the technology works at times. If I text one person at a time (and if the person has the same kind of phone as mine? Not sure on this part) then my phone will tell me when the text was read. (Though I think that the recipient can disable that feature? Again- not sure) I do know for sure that on group texts that I cannot see when each received and read the text. And I have friends who receive the group text immediately and other receive the exact same text hours later because they have told me when they received it.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

On our iphones it's a feature called "read receipts" and you can modify it in settings. I modified it on dh's phone so I could tell if he'd read my texts but I have come to find that is not reliable since he often just skims his texts or maybe someone has the window open but isn't actively looking at the phone?

 

Our phones are acting up lately and I did not receive a number of texts from him when we were hours apart one day recently. I was so frustrated because he said he would call but rather than call he just sent texts which I didn't receive. Last I had heard from him was via a friend's phone and they said he was charging his phone. When we finally talked he said he sent me several texts and I didn't reply and I said then why didn't you just CALL? It was not funny at the time, but I can see the humor in it. I guess some people really think trying one form of communication is sufficient. Um no. It's not always. /tangent.

[heartlikealion]

re texting to Bangalore

 

Well, I've been out of the off-time-zone corporate life since before texting was a thing.  The only people in off-time zones that I actually text are close family members.  No, I wouldn't (don't) feel rude -- they're grownups, they can manage their phone preferences at least as competently as I can.  You don't want to be pinged, turn the pings off.

 

 

The off-time-zone 24/7 expected work availability that some people live seems to me to be a different issue -- serious and seriously disruptive, but not fundamentally about texting or any other technology.  I lived it before texting, but as email exploded; and, those of us straddling time zones were expected to check email at 9 at night and 10 at night and right before going to sleep; and if something was deemed "urgent" folks would call (waking up my husband in the process) and I'd have to get up and haul my sorry self to my computer.  The problem was at root about expectations, not about any particular technology.  I suppose if I lived it now I'd have more-complex preference settings, where known bosses / colleagues/ clients could ping through and others could not.  But it'd be hard for me to live like that -- it was hard for me when I did it, particularly after kids.  

 

For me, boundaries are essential to my own mental health.  (But it's *my* job to manage my boundaries; I don't expect others to read my mind or know my schedule or where I am or what I'm doing...)

 

Why don't you just tell your overseas brother and night owl daughter not to text you at certain hours? I get not expecting people to be mind readers, but it wouldn't be hard to spell out. Both my siblings are in different time zones but one has a significant different in time zones. We just simply wouldn't try to call each other without good reason at those hours, but we might message each other on FB or send an email (I don't think either of us get alerts on our phones for those).

 

I'm not saying don't worry about your phone settings. Just saying in addition to that, I wouldn't have a problem telling my dd to knock it off with the funny pics at 2am (or whatever).

[Jean in Newcastle]

I asked both my teens about emergencies.  Both said that of course they would phone instead of texting in an emergency because you can't tell if a person will get a text right away, let alone be able to read it right at that moment. 

[jewellsmommy]

Wow. I must be in a pretty small minority  :lol: . I have a very dumb phone. It does not have all these settings that everyone is talking about. I can turn ring and texts sounds on/off for all or none. I keep all on for emergencies and because dsil texts me that she on the way in the mornings that she is bringing me my nephew to watch. A few times she was running early and I wasn't even up yet so it was a good thing that her text woke me.

 

I have different rules for myself than for others. So, I don't text after 9 except for someone expecting me or in an emergency but I wouldn't expect that others follow this rule.   I, personally, associate texts with calls. To me, texts are for when you want a quick answer without conversation, you just need to notify someone of something and don't want conversation, or for a lengthy conversation when someone is in a setting where talking is prohibited/tricky/not private etc. For instance, my mom doesn't usually text but does on days I have nephew so that she doesn't wake him during nap time (one ding instead of ringing), but she absolutely expects a response now not hours later. In my experience, texts elicit quicker responses than emails. 

 

I don't have a data plan and do not get emails on my phone, so that might be why I have a different association with emails vs texts. Texts and calls go to the phone. Emails go to the computer. 

[Pam in CT]

re family culture, and also living across time zones

 

Why don't you just tell your overseas brother and night owl daughter not to text you at certain hours? I get not expecting people to be mind readers, but it wouldn't be hard to spell out. Both my siblings are in different time zones but one has a significant different in time zones. We just simply wouldn't try to call each other without good reason at those hours, but we might message each other on FB or send an email (I don't think either of us get alerts on our phones for those).

 

I'm not saying don't worry about your phone settings. Just saying in addition to that, I wouldn't have a problem telling my dd to knock it off with the funny pics at 2am (or whatever).

 

Perhaps our family culture norms grew out of Singapore and the US being SO off-cycle (12 hours) that for years and years my brother and I rarely found a "good" time for in-real-time communication -- the only intervals we were both awake was from around 7/7 to about 10/10 -- and my mornings were rushed and filled with kid-logistics and driving (though his evenings were comparatively OK) and he had only a very short window during his commute where he could live-text or talk, during which I'd be doing the dinner / reading to the kids drill.  We got accustomed to off-synch communications patterns unless something was urgent (in which case: call).  (Also, now that I'm thinking of this: speakerphone was a better-fit-technology for us than texting, since we could communicate while driving or cooking...)

 

With my daughter, who also lived overseas for several years, I *want* to get her funny pics stuff.  Just not while I'm sleeping.  And once those goofy moments pass, they're over, KWIM?  She's not going to send a silly selfie the next day, the moment's over by then.

 

I have no problem telling my kids to knock it off on all kinds of things that annoy me, lol... it's just that late night texts don't annoy me, because, no pings, no problem.

[happi duck]

I think I'm unhappy with the "how rude!" thinking because there isn't an established norm in this area yet.

 

With landlines that disturb the whole house the general thought became don't call in the middle of the night. People who slept at night could expect no casual phone calls. People who slept during the day could not expect people not to phone unless they let people know.

 

With cell phones, you have no idea if someone is at home, driving, in class, in a meeting, at a doctor's appointment, napping etc. It is always expected that if it isn't a good time for pings and buzzes they will have their phone silenced. I think this is the assumption. So, like the person who needs to say "don't phone during the day", I think those who cannot silence texts, for whatever reason, need to say "please don't text at night".

 

If pushed with "just silence your phone" I think a "there are reasons I can't, please don't text at night" is sufficient and doesn't require going into private information.

 

Just two more cents!

[Bluegoat]

It's interesting to me some people treat texts like calls and are ok about kids texting in the night for non-emergencies.  I'd be ok with funny cat pics at night because I won't look until morning.  But if I was going to keep texting on on at night in case of emergency, I'd be really annoyed about them sending me cat photos when I am asleep at 2am!

[Pam in CT]

I suppose a technological option would be a message back: "your recipient is on no-ping status."  Then the transmitting sender would know the message has not been received.

 

As I'm thinking this through for the first time, I think I'm coming around to a low-level sense that the expectation of having the recipient be instantly available is unrealistic / rude.  People drive, teach or attend class, go to meetings, leave the phone in the car when they go to dinner, turn it off for Sabbath, whatever.  Just 'cuz someone's sent me a text doesn't oblige me to read it Right! Away!!, KWIM?

[Bluegoat]

When I think of the accepted etiquette with phones, it wonder if it would be the same today as it was in the past.  Now that we have message options, people often do ignore calls, and also screen them.  When I was a kid, both of those would have been considered quite rude.  And along with that, calling at night, or at supper time when people were eating.

 

All of that seems to depend though on a pretty homogeneous set of technology, use, and even cultural habits.

 

It seems like increasing choice and variation in technology, and also local and family culture, makes it much less easy to have a set of standards that makes a lot of sense.  Which is maybe why there are now so many options for managing communication technology?

[SporkUK]

It is cracking me up that this question has generated this much response.  I mean, really?  Is it THAT important?  Obviously, it is.  LOL!

 

Yeah, I never really considered text etiquette to be such a passion raising topic or thought about how I use my phone's text, messenger, and general notification functions so much before. It's a recent addition for me that, like my laptop, helps me communicate and work & avoid getting isolated, particularly when I'm having a bad flare up, which has been a big issue for me. I only got a smartphone last summer after quite a while of not having a mobile for ages and I use mine more for music and prefer messaging via computer than trying to text on a phone. I still find texting so slow compared to typing even with the onscreen keyboard. 

 

One of my spouse's pet peeves actually is that I do not text enough when I'm out. I always feel weird when other's are on theirs at events so I figure I shouldn't be on mine if I feel that way and I never remember during breaks or that I could nip to the loos if I really wanted to without bothering anyone. I would argue no one likely cares and I'm trying to get over that but after this thread I'm not so sure :lol:  

 

Now I'm having passing thoughts that I need to schedule my messaging and texts better and whether I should second guess whether my messages are important enough to send. Really, particularly when I'm having a bad flare up but still true most of the time, if I had to think it was important enough that I would call someone to say it, I would just never text anyone anything. To me, calling someone is if someone asks me to do it as a specific time or big knowing later will likely cause a lot of problems or a fight emergency and generally never think what I have to say is that important.

 

I guess I'm lucky in that most of my friends want me to text more and are happy for random stuff or I would end up even more isolated than I've already gotten. 

[marbel]

It's interesting to me some people treat texts like calls and are ok about kids texting in the night for non-emergencies.  I'd be ok with funny cat pics at night because I won't look until morning.  But if I was going to keep texting on on at night in case of emergency, I'd be really annoyed about them sending me cat photos when I am asleep at 2am!

 

Well, when I say my kids can call or text anytime, I expect them to use common sense and not send me puppy photos (we like dogs better than cats) at 2am if they know my phone is set to receive texts from them in case of emergency (like "mom get me out of here" as described upthread).   I'm sure things will change as they grow older, move away, etc.  It's not like we will do things the same way forever. 

[Barb_]

Why don't you just tell your overseas brother and night owl daughter not to text you at certain hours? I get not expecting people to be mind readers, but it wouldn't be hard to spell out. Both my siblings are in different time zones but one has a significant different in time zones. We just simply wouldn't try to call each other without good reason at those hours, but we might message each other on FB or send an email (I don't think either of us get alerts on our phones for those).

 

I'm not saying don't worry about your phone settings. Just saying in addition to that, I wouldn't have a problem telling my dd to knock it off with the funny pics at 2am (or whatever).

Not Pam, but I can respond to this. I love waking up to something goofy or just a quick piece of news that one of my kids or my brother or mom has texted me while I'm sleeping. Texting is great because I can keep in touch with all of my far flung family asynchronously. No reason to miss out on the information or Giggles. If they have to think about whether it's a good time, they may forget later.

[Barb_]

Wow. I must be in a pretty small minority :lol: . I have a very dumb phone. It does not have all these settings that everyone is talking about. I can turn ring and texts sounds on/off for all or none. I keep all on for emergencies and because dsil texts me that she on the way in the mornings that she is bringing me my nephew to watch. A few times she was running early and I wasn't even up yet so it was a good thing that her text woke me.

 

I have different rules for myself than for others. So, I don't text after 9 except for someone expecting me or in an emergency but I wouldn't expect that others follow this rule. I, personally, associate texts with calls. To me, texts are for when you want a quick answer without conversation, you just need to notify someone of something and don't want conversation, or for a lengthy conversation when someone is in a setting where talking is prohibited/tricky/not private etc. For instance, my mom doesn't usually text but does on days I have nephew so that she doesn't wake him during nap time (one ding instead of ringing), but she absolutely expects a response now not hours later. In my experience, texts elicit quicker responses than emails.

 

I don't have a data plan and do not get emails on my phone, so that might be why I have a different association with emails vs texts. Texts and calls go to the phone. Emails go to the computer.

I do think smartphones have changed the way we think of these different forms of communication. I definitely used to treat texts differently before we all had smartphones in our family. Now we all text way more than we call. My mom is on EST and this time of the year I'm three hours behind. She cares for my grandpa, so I'm just getting up about the same time she's trying to feed him and take care of hygiene. When things begin to slow down for me here, she's in the bed. We only talk every two weeks maybe, but we text on and off every day.

[gardenmom5]

When I think of the accepted etiquette with phones, it wonder if it would be the same today as it was in the past.  Now that we have message options, people often do ignore calls, and also screen them.  When I was a kid, both of those would have been considered quite rude.  And along with that, calling at night, or at supper time when people were eating.

 

All of that seems to depend though on a pretty homogeneous set of technology, use, and even cultural habits.

 

It seems like increasing choice and variation in technology, and also local and family culture, makes it much less easy to have a set of standards that makes a lot of sense.  Which is maybe why there are now so many options for managing communication technology?

 

before phones - people of middle class means had servants to answer the door and declare if someone was "home" (re: willing to entertain them).  or not.

 

today - with caller id - we can see who is calling before picking up.   we can also frequently see who is texting before opening it.  and we can listen/open it at our leisure. or delete it unread/unheard.

[Bluegoat]

before phones - people of middle class means had servants to answer the door and declare if someone was "home" (re: willing to entertain them).  or not.

 

today - with caller id - we can see who is calling before picking up.   we can also frequently see who is texting before opening it.  and we can listen/open it at our leisure. or delete it unread/unheard.

 

Though I noice that when people do this on tv, it's meant to show they are snobs, or avoiding debt collectors!

[gardenmom5]

Though I noice that when people do this on tv, it's meant to show they are snobs, or avoiding debt collectors!

 

well, I'm not one who feels a need to be a slave to my phone.  or email.  or texts. etc. it's a tool, and i make it work for me.

 

and considering how many telemarketers are now working to HIDE their phone numbers so people won't ignore them . . . . .

 

I dont' take what is shown on tv to be remotely realistic of how people actually live.   comedies often portray people as making snide or sarcastic remarks at each other - trying to get laughs from the audience.  in the real world - no I know one likes to associate with those types of people.

[CAMom]

So question for those who want to get texts (including non-emergency texts) from their kids at all hours.

 

Do you teach your kids that it's rude to text at those hours?  If so, how is it that your kids text you at all hours?

 

I don't teach my kids that it's rude to text at those hours. I'm virtually positive that I (or dh) am the only "old" person that either one of them text. :lol:

 

Their generation is establishing their own social norms based on their evolving technology. So, I can't teach them that my generation's norms in this area are what is "right." 

 

The 9pm - 9am "rule" developed when a typical 9am - 5pm job was pretty regular, moms usually were home during the day, long distance calls were expensive and rare, etc. Technology has made the world quicker and smaller. That allows for redefining the norms. 

[QueenCat]

Telemarketers are a whole 'nother thing. Don't get me started.

 

It's one reason we got rid of the landline years ago. I rarely get them on my cell.

 

It used to be that way for me. Now, I hardly ever get them on the landline but all the freaking time on my cellphone. Makes me batty.

[poppy]

Wow. I must be in a pretty small minority  :lol: . I have a very dumb phone. It does not have all these settings that everyone is talking about. I can turn ring and texts sounds on/off for all or none. I keep all on for emergencies and because dsil texts me that she on the way in the mornings that she is bringing me my nephew to watch. A few times she was running early and I wasn't even up yet so it was a good thing that her text woke me.

 

I have different rules for myself than for others. So, I don't text after 9 except for someone expecting me or in an emergency but I wouldn't expect that others follow this rule.   I, personally, associate texts with calls. To me, texts are for when you want a quick answer without conversation, you just need to notify someone of something and don't want conversation, or for a lengthy conversation when someone is in a setting where talking is prohibited/tricky/not private etc. For instance, my mom doesn't usually text but does on days I have nephew so that she doesn't wake him during nap time (one ding instead of ringing), but she absolutely expects a response now not hours later. In my experience, texts elicit quicker responses than emails. 

 

I don't have a data plan and do not get emails on my phone, so that might be why I have a different association with emails vs texts. Texts and calls go to the phone. Emails go to the computer. 

 

My mom has a phone like this.  She's had it a long time, but, it was an old model when she got it.   Actually, hers may be older than yours?   To type a text, you have to do that thing where you press each number multiple times... like to type the letter B, you hit 1 twice.  To type the letter C, you hit 1 three times.     So texting is a lot more labor intensive (though alllll the kids were good at it back in the day).    Seeing that phone gives me nostalgia for my life back in the days, years before the iphone and tablets were the norm.

[teachermom2834]

I don't text people that might be disturbed or I am unsure of between 9:00- 9:00. If it was semi- important I probably would text between 9:00-10:00 figuring most people are awake.

 

But- it doesn't bother me that other people do. I keep my phone on for emergencies and the ping will wake me up if I am not yet in a deep sleep. I will pick up the phone and glance at it but usually leave it until morning for a response.

It does not wake me once I am deeply asleep.

 

I will say that if something is semi-important i would rather the sender risk disturbing me than wait until morning. A midnight text that co-op tomorrow is cancelled is better for me than 8:00 am when I'm already mostly ready to go. As the sender of such a text I would be unsure what to do. I would probably send the late text while profusely apologizing for the hour but wanting to catch people before they got going in the morning. Sometimes the sender just can't win.

[jewellsmommy]

I do think smartphones have changed the way we think of these different forms of communication. I definitely used to treat texts differently before we all had smartphones in our family. Now we all text way more than we call. My mom is on EST and this time of the year I'm three hours behind. She cares for my grandpa, so I'm just getting up about the same time she's trying to feed him and take care of hygiene. When things begin to slow down for me here, she's in the bed. We only talk every two weeks maybe, but we text on and off every day.

 

I agree. Dd and dh have smart phones. I'm just cheap and resistant to change.  :lol:

[Bluegoat]

well, I'm not one who feels a need to be a slave to my phone.  or email.  or texts. etc. it's a tool, and i make it work for me.

 

and considering how many telemarketers are now working to HIDE their phone numbers so people won't ignore them . . . . .

 

I dont' take what is shown on tv to be remotely realistic of how people actually live.   comedies often portray people as making snide or sarcastic remarks at each other - trying to get laughs from the audience.  in the real world - no I know one likes to associate with those types of people.

 

Well, yes, fiction shows certain things for a reason.  But the reason people read it a particular way is the norms they accept in real public behavior.  You couldn't show someone was a snob by screening guests unless the viewers understood the implications.

 

In real life - it is one thing to say you are unable to come to the phone or door because you are in the middle of something.  But not doing it because you don't feel you want to talk to certain people has been considered rude in the past.  The idea was that it was the same as not acknowledging a person who speaks to you when you happen to meet them in public.  And of course it was the well-off who could do this kind of screening at all, among the working classes, it was impossible, and someone who did anything like that would have been harshly judged.

 

The corollary of that duty to respond was people were not meant to approach you, visit you, or call you in certain situations or at certain times.  The times for these things were socially scripted.  That way, you make way for everyone to have some privacy, as well.

 

We've gone a different way these days, and no longer want these kinds of social scripts.  We want to be available on our own terms.  But it's difficult to make any firm social norm out of that.  As a result, individuals become responsible for guarding their own time and space.

[TX Native]

I don't see texts as equal to email, because when I had email and not texting (I was late to the ballgame adding texting to my then 'dumb' cellphone bill), certain people let me know it was inconvenient to them to not be able to text me something they wanted me to know and respond to right away. It seemed like people wanted to reach me with something that required an immediate and semi-immediate response and not have to go through the labor of talking to me. I eventually got texting and people were relieved.

 

 

Big bunny trail JAWM. This is not related specifically to texting, but how the evolution of communication methods has driven me batty: early 90s I was a student with little money, but able to pay for a landline. I got a lecture from someone who was calling mid day to notify a group about something and I was the only one of the group without an answering machine. She was aghast to have to wait until I got home that evening to notify me and went on and on how terribly inconvenient it was for her. So I asked for an answering machine for Christmas the next year so as not to be an inconvenience to people trying to reach me. Then early 2000s I was one of the last of my friends to get a cell phone and some people seemed put out to have to wait until I got home to check my answering machine before I could respond to a question or request, I eventually got a dumb phone and people were glad I got messages instantly. Mid 2000s, still on a tight budget, I was late to the game on getting home internet, and got told by someone it was inconvenient to have to call me and leave a message about group plans involving me when everyone else was able to be on the group email list. I now had a cellphone to respond to anyone soon, but only checking emails every few days was an inconvenience to society. I eventually got home Internet to check emails at least daily. Problem solved, right? No! Early 2010s, the lack of having a texting plan on my cellphone became an inconvenience to others as I mentioned in the 1st paragraph (hence my stance that texting and email are not like the same thing!) Texting eventually got cheaper and was added to my cell phone plan. Then it became inconvenient when I didn't have a smart phone to plug in directions to a GPS (if I needed directions when out and about), receive a last minute group FB message if a field trip plan changed at last minute, or get the email about the urgent thing (the ones who like to use email like texting sent) since everyone else but me had their email account app programmed on their phone. I used birthday money to get a used smart phone. Now the smart phone is a few years old and recently a volunteer job involved pictures being sent to me. I asked the lady to text them to me. She was puzzled that I don't have a phone that is up to date enough to just " airdrop" them to me. How did people stay sane before landlines, answering machines, email, cellphones, texting, and whatever is next?

rant over, thanks.

 

Back to topic, I am finding more people are using texting like email even though people originally wanted me to have texting . for immediate response things. When I get a group text, I immediately put that conversation on "Do Not Disturb" so as to not be awakened by the late night and the wee hours of the morning responders of the group text. If the reply is only relevant to the sender, I reply to the sender only so as to not inconvenience anyone of the group who could be napping, worked night shift, or driving. I reply at a time I expect the receiver to be awake, but would hope the receiver had their texts off if it was a bad time. I turn my texts notifications off for school or when I am set on not being awakened by a ping. No one ever calls me but immediate family since it is so inconvenient to call people these days anyway, so no need to ever silence my phone calls, lol. Surely, a police officer or hospital will call instead of text in an emergency.

[Barb_]

:lol: I know it wasn't meant to be funny but you could work up a comedy routine from that rant.

[SKL]

Well, I must admit I don't know what "airdrop" means, but I assume it's only a matter of time.  :P

[heartlikealion]

I went to a class at the Apple store and they talked about airdrop. We practiced doing a drop between laptops... maybe to our phones? Heck I don't even remember exactly how it worked and I was pretty much discouraged to return to any classes (reading between the lines since we were told to practice all you've learned before taking more classes) since I don't actually own a Mac lol. I just have an iphone and wanted to learn a bit about their computers.

 

I think airdrop was supposed to basically send the pictures quickly to each other's device without need of an email or text message but I'll probably have to google it later to see how far off base I am.

[Barb_]

I went to a class at the Apple store and they talked about airdrop. We practiced doing a drop between laptops... maybe to our phones? Heck I don't even remember exactly how it worked and I was pretty much discouraged to return to any classes (reading between the lines since we were told to practice all you've learned before taking more classes) since I don't actually own a Mac lol. I just have an iphone and wanted to learn a bit about their computers.

 

I think airdrop was supposed to basically send the pictures quickly to each other's device without need of an email or text message but I'll probably have to google it later to see how far off base I am.

Yeah it's quick and easy but not necessary in the least, lol. It's a gee-whiz technology designed to lock people in iOS

[TX Native]

Well, I must admit I don't know what "airdrop" means, but I assume it's only a matter of time. :P

It's the future. Texting is about to become as outdated as email, lol! 😉

 

ETA: apparently everything becomes outdated once I am finally on board with it.

Edited April 12, 2017 by TX native

[Kari C in SC]

I put my phone on do-not-disturb at night. So does everyone I know. If someone needs to reach you in an emergency then they can call you twice right after each other and it will bypass the do-not-disturb. I think that you can also set it so that certain numbers can reach you. With today's options I think the no texting after 9 rule is a bit old fashioned.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I'm so thankful my son showed me this option a few years back. I don't really care about night texts, but I don't love the 6am texts that I get from some of our tenants. Do not disturb is my friend.

[Sunny1]

Jola. I’m Sunny. Looking to chat most days  between 9 PM and 12 AM. NW lifer, though I’ve travelled.