Grandparents and gift clothing

[marbel]

We've passed another Christmas during which my kids (ages 19 and almost-18) got several items of clothing from their grandparents.  Every item of clothing, in style and  color, screams "old person."   

 

My kids don't feel entitled to gifts.  In fact, we would all prefer that my in-laws would stop buying gifts for us, because we get the impression it's a burden and the only person who can wear the stuff they buy is their own son.  They do no better with choices for me than they do for the kids.  

 

But really right now I am just musing on the phenomenon of people nearing 80 buying young adults clothing that an 80-year-old wants to wear.   Reminds me of a visit once where my MIL tried to hand down some of her baby-pink mock turtles to my daughter.  Daughter was wearing an oversized black Led Zeppelin t-shirt, leggings, and combat boots at the time.  :-)

 

I've made a vow to my kids that I will not attempt to buy their as-yet-hypothetical kids clothing once they are past preschool age.  

 

Anyone with me, or any exceptions to my observation?   

 

This is meant to be a light-hearted thread, btw.   I have more serious complaints about the in-laws but this is what is amusing me at the moment.  

 

(Nothing wrong with baby-pink mock turtles if one likes to wear them.  It was just an example.)

[KarenNC]

I'd have the kids set up an Amazon wish list of clothing and other items they'd like and share it with the in-laws, or send specific links of clothing items as suggestions close to Xmas, particularly if they happen to be on sale at a store local to your in-laws. This works well with my in-laws, since my father-in-law is very averse to giving gift cards or money but wants to give gifts.

Edited December 31, 2016 by KarenNC

[bettyandbob]

My mom does this. She gets my 19 yo dd items from Talbots or Chicos for Christmas, because that's where my mother gets her own clothing. My mother does not attempt to shop for older ds. For younger ds she usually takes direction from me, but not always. 

[marbel]

Oh, a wish list would be a great idea if they would use it.   My MIL has asked in the past what kinds of things my kids like, and when given specific ideas, does just the opposite.   Full-zip fleece, favorite color red turned into a quarter-zip in robins-egg-blue.   (Probably not everyone is picky about full vs quarter-zip, but my son and I can't stand to pull the things over our heads.)    Advice that jewel-tones are preferred elicits pastels.  "Please don't attempt to buy jeans or other trousers for the girl; she is hard to fit" ... it's like a challenge to find jeans, and they never fit.  :-)

 

I don't believe they are being passive-aggressive.  I think they just buy what they like in their stores (which are not local to us).  They don't buy from Amazon.  

Yeah, it's a losing battle.  That's why we wish they could just stop.  OTOH, the local clothes closet gets a few things from us every year.  :-)

Edited December 31, 2016 by marbel

[Janeway]

We've passed another Christmas during which my kids (ages 19 and almost-18) got several items of clothing from their grandparents. Every item of clothing, in style and color, screams "old person."

 

My kids don't feel entitled to gifts. In fact, we would all prefer that my in-laws would stop buying gifts for us, because we get the impression it's a burden and the only person who can wear the stuff they buy is their own son. They do no better with choices for me than they do for the kids.

 

But really right now I am just musing on the phenomenon of people nearing 80 buying young adults clothing that an 80-year-old wants to wear. Reminds me of a visit once where my MIL tried to hand down some of her baby-pink mock turtles to my daughter. Daughter was wearing an oversized black Led Zeppelin t-shirt, leggings, and combat boots at the time. :-)

 

I've made a vow to my kids that I will not attempt to buy their as-yet-hypothetical kids clothing once they are past preschool age.

 

Anyone with me, or any exceptions to my observation?

 

This is meant to be a light-hearted thread, btw. I have more serious complaints about the in-laws but this is what is amusing me at the moment.

 

(Nothing wrong with baby-pink mock turtles if one likes to wear them. It was just an example.)

. I had the opposite problem. My 90 year old grandma had teenaged cousins who live near her pick stuff out. Nothing was appropriate. I sent it back and kindly suggested that she pick stuff out herself in the past. My kids are not ready to deal drugs on street corners or spend time in the bah-dah-Bing room. So grandma shouldn't assume those teens she got help from would have a clue.

[gardenmom5]

it has more to do with are they choosing something the person wants to wear?

I  will always roll my eyes at the day I held up a lime  green fleece *(AS A JOKE - I thought it hideous )!!!! for 1dd - and she loved it.  she wore it everywhere.

 

when mil bought my children clothing (which was seldom.  she was more interested in purchasing gifts for her favorite dd - who is turning into her), anyways-  she was more likely to purchase something too small.  since she lived out of state - the only use was to donate it.

 

I had more patience with my mother.  she really was trying to chose something people would like and would  fit.

[heartlikealion]

My in-laws do ok with clothing for the kids, but for about three years I've had to remind MIL that ds does not wear slim just because ds' cousin wears slim. This year I noticed a gifted item was slim pants and dh said he okay'd that item because it was all they had in stock and thought it might fit. NOPE. Ds still does not wear slim LOL. I will try to return later. Ds is not large, but slim is just too narrow. FIL told me to adjust the waistband. I pointed out that they were already at widest point (actually, I think maybe one notch off on one side) so not going to work.

 

Would someone please back me up that it's not a great idea to buy someone stuff for their bed when it's the wrong size? SIL and BIL bought us king size stuff for our Cal. King. It's not sheets, but I'm still nervous to put a bed skirt and comforter on the bed that will possibly be an awkward fit. I was going to privately exchange it but they assured us it would be okay and took it upon themselves to stuff it into space saving ziplocks so we could fit it in the car.

[gardenmom5]

Oh, a wish list would be a great idea if they would use it.   My MIL has asked in the past what kinds of things my kids like, and when given specific ideas, does just the opposite.   Full-zip fleece, favorite color red turned into a quarter-zip in robins-egg-blue.   (Probably not everyone is picky about full vs quarter-zip, but my son and I can't stand to pull the things over our heads.)    Advice that jewel-tones are preferred elicits pastels.  "Please don't attempt to buy jeans or other trousers for the girl; she is hard to fit" ... it's like a challenge to find jeans, and they never fit.  :-)

 

I don't believe they are being passive-aggressive.  I think they just buy what they like in their stores (which are not local to us).  They don't buy from Amazon.  

 

Yeah, it's a losing battle.  That's why we wish they could just stop.  OTOH, the local clothes closet gets a few things from us every year.  :-)

 

are you certain she is trying to sincerely chose something they would like vs engaging in passive-aggressive martyr gift-giving? are you really certain?

or is there something wrong with their brain, some sort of oppositional defect where if you tell them to go left, they'll go right?

[PeachyDoodle]

Reminds me of the top I got from my grandma for Christmas when I was a teenager: a purple sweatshirt (think Hanes) but with a lace collar and a squirrel hand-painted on the front. Yeah, that was one of those real "gee-you-shouldn't-have" moments!

 

IDK. My mom and my MIL do pretty well picking out things for my dd, even now that she's a tween and wearing juniors sizes. (Ds6 couldn't care less what he wears, of course.) But she's mostly a jeans and graphic tee kind of girl, so maybe that makes it easier. I do hope that, should it become necessary, my dd and/or future dd-in-law would be comfortable enough with me to say, "Hey, maybe just get a gift card?" -- even if my grandkids didn't want to tell me themselves that they hated what I'd picked. I never would have told my grandmother that top looked like it belonged in a nursing home. Then again, she was my dad's mother and would have been offended. On my mom's side, it's always been stressed that you should definitely return any gift that doesn't work, regardless of the reason. As my mom says, "I'd much rather you have something you like!"

[Guest]

I have a person like that. She's definitely support sincere. She loves the kids so much.

 

Gifts are just hard for some people

[JustEm]

I'm blessed with an incredibly fashionable fil. He is not 80 but he'll still know how to shop for other people at that age. Each year for Christmas my bil asks my fil to dress him as his gift. Fil always pick a shirt, tie, and pants that look fantastic. Dh now has an entire wardrobe of nice clothes because his father gained weight and passed his skinny clothes down to dh. He got me a North face coat in a color I'd never pick for myself but when I put it on it matched my complexion perfectly. He got DD a My Little Pony hoodie that the hood had a mane and ears, their were wings on the back, and the ponies face on the front. That hoodie fits her personality exactly!

 

Now I hope my mother NEVER picks clothes for us. And I will likely never pick clothes for anyone unless fil is with me

Edited December 31, 2016 by hjffkj

[gardenmom5]

My in-laws do ok with clothing for the kids, but for about three years I've had to remind MIL that ds does not wear slim just because ds' cousin wears slim. This year I noticed a gifted item was slim pants and dh said he okay'd that item because it was all they had in stock and thought it might fit. NOPE. Ds still does not wear slim LOL. I will try to return later. Ds is not large, but slim is just too narrow. FIL told me to adjust the waistband. I pointed out that they were already at widest point (actually, I think maybe one notch off on one side) so not going to work.

 

Would someone please back me up that it's not a great idea to buy someone stuff for their bed when it's the wrong size? SIL and BIL bought us king size stuff for our Cal. King. It's not sheets, but I'm still nervous to put a bed skirt and comforter on the bed that will possibly be an awkward fit. I was going to privately exchange it but they assured us it would be okay and took it upon themselves to stuff it into space saving ziplocks so we could fit it in the car.

 

I found slim from different stores fit differently.  for 2dd, slim from one store fit her perfect, whereas slim from another were too big.

 

I just bought a pair of dress pants for dudeling.  I ordered the slim - then panicked I should change it.  :crying:   I measured his waist - and the slim was maybe 1/2 too small. *through the waist*  they arrived - the waist in the pants fit him just fine, plenty of room, perfect even. . . . . . THE HIPS were non-existant!!!!  :cursing:  He has a tusch.   I drove 40 minutes away  :driving:  on christmas eve to dig through the store (the computer said they had some  in stock) and find those pants in four different location  :toetap05:  :glare:  to find the one and only that was NOT a slim. :svengo: 

 

 

as regards a king comforter - I have found huge variations in measurements. (I went nuts a couple years ago when I bought a new comforter and cover - and I needed to match their dimensions.).  you want to check them.  some will fit, some will be too short.   as for the skirt-  if you can exchange it, I would.  cal king is longer and narrower than a standard king.  (which I'm sure you know.)

standard king - 76/78 x 80

cal - 72 x 84

[heartlikealion]

I found slim from different stores fit differently.  for 2dd, slim from one store fit her perfect, whereas slim from another were too big.

 

I just bought a pair of dress pants for dudeling.  I ordered the slim - then panicked I should change it.  :crying:   I measured his waist - and the slim was maybe 1/2 too small. *through the waist*  they arrived - the waist in the pants fit him just fine, plenty of room, perfect even. . . . . . THE HIPS were non-existant!!!!  :cursing:  He has a tusch.   I drove 40 minutes away  :driving:  on christmas eve to dig through the store (the computer said they had some  in stock) and find those pants in four different location  :toetap05:  :glare:  to find the one and only that was NOT a slim. :svengo:

 

 

as regards a king comforter - I have found huge variations in measurements. (I went nuts a couple years ago when I bought a new comforter and cover - and I needed to match their dimensions.).  you want to check them.  some will fit, some will be too short.   as for the skirt-  if you can exchange it, I would.  cal king is longer and narrower than a standard king.  (which I'm sure you know.)

standard king - 76/78 x 80

cal - 72 x 84

 

What a nightmare with the pants! I am having pants problems all around here lol. Ds' uniform pants are getting short and I don't know if it's from lots of dryer time or him growing. So I went around to stores looking for uniform pants (I prefer dark khaki over light) and they didn't have his size or they were so pale he would get them dirty very easily. I'm tempted to just buy a size up and return if they are too big. He isn't always with me when I shop but if he is I can have him try in store.

 

The bed thing is no longer in original packaging and came as a set (I couldn't even double check the set contents because MIL or SIL threw away the label but they believe it was comforter, decorative pillows, shams and skirt) so I told dh maybe we could fudge the comforter fit and not use the skirt if it doesn't fit. We could at least use pillows and shams. To exchange would probably require me taking to store, getting refund, then ordering online. But so far I don't even see this particular one on their website. I suppose if we got a refund we could use for anything, though. Our current bed sheets came from online as I never see the stuff in stores here. I have a pile of clean laundry on the bed to sort so I haven't tried to put it on the bed yet. Just got back to town last night. Yeah I know the dimensions but it's hard for me to picture til I put on the bed. We only got Cal King because dh is so tall and his feet still hang off bed.

[marbel]

are you certain she is trying to sincerely chose something they would like vs engaging in passive-aggressive martyr gift-giving? are you really certain?

or is there something wrong with their brain, some sort of oppositional defect where if you tell them to go left, they'll go right?

 

My FIL has a passive-aggressive streak but that is more food-related.  :-/   (We had some fun over my daughter's vegetarian diet this visit, even though she brought her own food and asked for no accommodations from them.)

 

I think it's like this:  they live in a small town so selection may be limited, so if a preferred color/style isn't there, they will just grab something so they have a gift.  But I also think my MIL thinks she knows best what people will like and what is in style, and doesn't get that there are some differences among age groups (not to mention that what's in style in a small southern town may be different than what's in style in a large northeastern metro area).  We do think that gifts is one of my MIL's "love languages" so that may explain the desire to get gifts, any gifts, just so there is a gift, kwim?  

 

One year when we were first married, she gave me a multi-colored jacket, short (like, to the waist),  bright colors, horizontal stripes.  It was hideous, but particularly so on me, with my apple shape and thick waist.  She happened to ask my husband if I'd liked it, and he said "well, she doesn't really like to wear bright colors, so, no;" her response was that my wardrobe needed brightening up.    I made sure to wear lots of blacks and grays next time we saw them.   :-)  Maybe that was a bit passive-aggressive... but actually I like black and gray clothing and have a lot of it.  :-)

[Baseball mom]

My mom does a great job picking out dc clothes.  She always has.  They are teens and still like what she picks out BUT she thinks about what they like and the colors they like and then buys stuff.  And tells them "if you don't like it or it doesn't fit we can return it.". :thumbup:

 

Step MIL  - OMGoodness she is something else.  When ds was a toddler she bought HIM a girl outfit.  Yep and kept saying how cute it was.  I helped ds open the gift.  Saw it and closed the box.  I just said "thank you"  but didn't show dh until we were back home.  Dh mouth filter doesn't always work ;)   Got home and showed him.  He said "WTH is she thinking?".  I said "that it was a cute outfit" :001_rolleyes:  Dh said "for a GIRL".  At least it was where we could take it back no problems.

[heartlikealion]

My FIL has a passive-aggressive streak but that is more food-related.  :-/   (We had some fun over my daughter's vegetarian diet this visit, even though she brought her own food and asked for no accommodations from them.)

 

I think it's like this:  they live in a small town so selection may be limited, so if a preferred color/style isn't there, they will just grab something so they have a gift.  But I also think my MIL thinks she knows best what people will like and what is in style, and doesn't get that there are some differences among age groups (not to mention that what's in style in a small southern town may be different than what's in style in a large northeastern metro area).  We do think that gifts is one of my MIL's "love languages" so that may explain the desire to get gifts, any gifts, just so there is a gift, kwim?  

 

One year when we were first married, she gave me a multi-colored jacket, short (like, to the waist),  bright colors, horizontal stripes.  It was hideous, but particularly so on me, with my apple shape and thick waist.  She happened to ask my husband if I'd liked it, and he said "well, she doesn't really like to wear bright colors, so, no;" her response was that my wardrobe needed brightening up.    I made sure to wear lots of blacks and grays next time we saw them.   :-)  Maybe that was a bit passive-aggressive... but actually I like black and gray clothing and have a lot of it.  :-)

 

I think some people have trouble accepting answers LOL. My MIL once bought me some Grinch pants... basically black leggings with Grinch feet attached. They were silly and I would have actually worn them around the house if they fit but they did not. I discovered they were also the kind with a lower waist which I do not like. She ordered online and insisted she just exchange for the next size up. I told her that would not solve the fit problem, but she didn't believe me. I resorted to trying them on for her which was humiliating for me just to prove that they were ill fitting and mentioned that that I didn't really wear low rise. Instead of accepting that, she insisted that low rise was the style but agreed that they next size wouldn't fit. I don't know if I'm overthinking, but it really stuck with me that she dismissed my preference because it was "the style." I know she likes long shirts so I wouldn't get her a short one and imply she should like it because it's in style.

[bettyandbob]

a couple years ago I sent my dad the link to a pair of slippers in LLBean dd had picked out. The link included size and color. Additionally, I gave a complete written decription of the slippers, including size, color, catalogue item number. 

 

There's an LLBean store near my parents so I knew they would not do online purchasing. I figured they would go in and if they had trouble share the link or catalogue number with a sales associate. 

 

Again, size and color was very clear. 

 

What do you know. Christmas Day my dd is given the style slippers she wanted in the wrong size and wrong color. Clearly, they understood the link, as well as my written description. Why did they ignore size and color twice?

 

My mom decided I was mistaken about my dd's size and her favorite color. dd cannot possibly have the same favorite color as her cousin. 

 

So, I exchanged the slippers. I had to exchange the present they gave me this year (at least this year it was something I could return this year). 

[J-rap]

Ha, it reminds me of my mother shopping for my kids!  Sometimes she lets me do the shopping for her, and that's handy.  But other times she wants to do it herself and it always makes us smile.  This year she bought my two adult dd's big flannel Santa Claus PJ's.  They're cute and warm! but, well, nothing they'd every really wear.  :)  Except this year we were at my parents' home for several days over Christmas, so my dd's sweetly wore them every night.  They'll either just keep them and bring them out every year for Christmas at Grandma's, or maybe give them to the local consignment store.  

 

My mother gave me giant slippers!  At least, they look giant on my feet!  haha, like walking rugs.  I didn't need slippers, but oh well.  I guess I'll keep them for emergencies.  

 

 

[lovinmyboys]

I have boys so they like under armour athletic clothes. It is pretty hard to go wrong with those. I don't think the grandparents would attempt to buy any other kind of clothes.

[tm919]

Oh, a wish list would be a great idea if they would use it.   My MIL has asked in the past what kinds of things my kids like, and when given specific ideas, does just the opposite.   Full-zip fleece, favorite color red turned into a quarter-zip in robins-egg-blue.   (Probably not everyone is picky about full vs quarter-zip, but my son and I can't stand to pull the things over our heads.)    Advice that jewel-tones are preferred elicits pastels.  "Please don't attempt to buy jeans or other trousers for the girl; she is hard to fit" ... it's like a challenge to find jeans, and they never fit.  :-)

 

I don't believe they are being passive-aggressive.  I think they just buy what they like in their stores (which are not local to us).  They don't buy from Amazon.  

 

Yeah, it's a losing battle.  That's why we wish they could just stop.  OTOH, the local clothes closet gets a few things from us every year.  :-)

My MIL engages in this sort of behavior. I've come to the conclusion that they just don't know, or don't hear the whole thing. One year I said, "I don't really like scrapbooking, I could never get into it." For Christmas, I got a huge box of scrapbooking supplies. I mean, I guess it's good that they remembered there was some connection between me and scrapbooking?!

[Arcadia]

The clothing hubby's parents and siblings buy ended up going to the donations pile brand new. My DS12 has sensory issues since newborn and is picky about even the type of cotton. He picked his own baby clothes at Carters and Oshkosh B'gosh as a baby by touch/feel. My DS11 had eczema and DS12 hand me downs works the best, new clothes were iffy. After many years of my husband reminding them, they finally stopped buying.

 

My parents send cash for me to buy. When they visit, my kids choose and they pay. We went recently to six Marshalls stores to get the winter thermal socks my boys like as each store had 0 to 2 pairs. It is a RF Scott brand fleeced lined socks.

[heartlikealion]

My MIL engages in this sort of behavior. I've come to the conclusion that they just don't know, or don't hear the whole thing. One year I said, "I don't really like scrapbooking, I could never get into it." For Christmas, I got a huge box of scrapbooking supplies. I mean, I guess it's good that they remembered there was some connection between me and scrapbooking?!

 

:laugh:  Maybe they thought you just needed some help getting into it?

[AmandaVT]

My MIL dressed my poor DH in reds, pinks and oranges all growing up. DH has a reddish complexion and those colors just do not flatter him. He's still traumatized and refuses to wear anything with even a hint of those colors in it.

 

She's still terrible at picking out clothes, but thankfully hasn't done so in a few years. She bought me a bright yellow velour tracksuit one year. I look terrible in yellow - like really bad and, um, the velour tracksuit wasn't my style either. :-) She would buy DS tons of clothes with characters on them when he was little and he has always liked more plain clothes - stripes or a subtle pattern are ok, but he does not like any character clothing. She finally got the hint thankfully! 

[Guest]

We got this a lot. It appears we were getting sale bargains...whatever is on clearance or at a flea market is purchased, then when the holiday comes the lot is distributed without regard to the detailed list that was requested. None of it is from local stores, None of it is in the right size or age Range for the person receiving it. We take it right to the thrift shop or to the trash can. One year the then three year old boy received pink sweat pants and sweatshirt from a dollar store. One sleeve was six inches longer than the other. We decided to stop participating in the gift exchange soon after, as it clearly had a different meaning than advertised.

[Caclcoca]

My husband and I joke that his parents buy us clothes in the size they wish we were.  The  items are always nice and fit our style, but they are at least two sizes too small.  We just smile and nod.  They give our kids money for college, so that is great.

[Farrar]

My mother does this to me. And she's not unstylish at all. She actually probably is more stylish than me, it's just that things that look fine on her look awful on me - like things with turtlenecks. I cannot wear that, Mom. It doesn't look right. We have different body shapes! And I hate pink and she loves pink. Sigh.

 

I wish I could buy things for my own MIL. She wears the strangest things, like loose off the shoulder terrycloth summer tops. I don't know how else to describe it.

[MaeFlowers]

We have this problem, too.

Poor ds always gets dress clothes but he never dresses up. And MIL hates writing on shirts but will buy him shirts with gigantic polo emblems on the front. She wants the kids to be dressed proper with khakis and frilly dresses which we don't do. Completely outdated and the stuff she picks are the strangest colors. Colors you didn't even know existed. Everything she buys for the family goes straight to goodwill.

Step mil only does a little bit better but sometimes the sizing is way off for me. I am not an xxs in teens.

 

My mom was only person who could ever find clothes for me that fit and that I liked. She doesn't drive anymore so I'm going to have to start dressing myself. Since I'm past 40, I guess its past time. (But I do wish she could still do it for me. Shopping is up there with getting a pap on the fun scale.)

[Arcadia]

When we went to Nordstrom Rack and Saks fifth avenue Off Saks for post Christmas shopping, the coats were mixed up in sizes. We found a Boy 10 coat in the Men's coat clearance rack. Hubby found a ladies XS down coat on the guy's down coat rack. We found a guy's S wool coat at the ladies section. We had to use the internet at the stores to figure out if we were guessing wrongly which is ladies, guys, boys or juniors as some coats did not have men/women/junior/boy/girl on the tag.

 

It is like the girls and women shoe sizes. Very confusing when things are not at the correct shelves and you are buying for someone else.

 

ETA:

All DS11 wants is red polo shirts size M so that is easy enough. Short sleeve or long sleeve is a non issue.

Edited January 1, 2017 by Arcadia

[ktgrok]

My mom does a great job picking out dc clothes.  She always has.  They are teens and still like what she picks out BUT she thinks about what they like and the colors they like and then buys stuff.  And tells them "if you don't like it or it doesn't fit we can return it.". :thumbup:

 

 

 

My mom is the same...except she tends to buy a size too big. Always. Even when told what size. Normally not a problem as the littles can grow into it, but now that the oldest is a teen and about full grown it doesn't work. BUT she buys at Target and includes the gift receipt. DS17 got a great shirt he really likes, but it's a size too big. We'll take it back. (She called and asked what size. I said small. She asked if I was sure. I insisted I was. She said "oh, I got him a large, I'll take it back and get the small". Then gave him a medium, because she was SURE the small was too small. Sigh. But style wise she was right on track at least. And gave several gift cards as well.

[Night Elf]

I am always honest with my mom and I told her more than once that the clothes she picks out for any of us are always returned. She didn't like the idea that we were always returning gifts so she started listening to me. I know she likes to buy clothes so I gave her exact specifications and now we never need to exchange anything.

 

Yes, it was hard for her to realize that her tastes were different from the rest of us. I told her I loved her tremendously but I didn't want to start dressing in her age group until I got into that age group. She did understand.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Oh hell no would I buy clothing for anyone.  If I thought the person would love to receive clothing, I'd get them a gift card. 

 

My MIL buys me pajamas.  I don't mind that because I never buy myself pajamas (for one thing I can't find petite pajama sizes).  She manages to find bottoms that work in terms of length.  I don't know how she manages that, but I do appreciate it!

 

For years several family members bought our kids clothing.  It never ever never worked out.  The stuff was always 100 sizes too big.  So you think, well EVENTUALLY they'll grow into the items right?  Well, either I'd forget about the item because it would be years later or the item would be completely ridiculous for the age.  Like they'd buy something appropriate for a toddler 10 sizes too big and by the time my kid could wear it he was well past toddler.  At least they all stopped buying clothing for our kids. 

[JustEm]

The first Christmas with dh's family his grandmother got me this awful red long sleeved shirt that had penguins in it. I of course smiled but thought, " oh God I have got to work on my gift opening skills if this is what I'll be getting the next twenty years." The next few days years it was more shirts I'd never wear. This year she just did a gift card! I was so thankful for that card.

[Guest]

But really right now I am just musing on the phenomenon of people nearing 80 buying young adults clothing that an 80-year-old wants to wear. Reminds me of a visit once where my MIL tried to hand down some of her baby-pink mock turtles to my daughter. Daughter was wearing an oversized black Led Zeppelin t-shirt, leggings, and combat boots at the time. :-)

You really gave me a chuckle with that description. It is possible MIL thought she would give your DD some "appropiate" clothing since she must not have any. ;)

 

I don't really have this problem, although the list of out-of-step gifts my kids have gotten from one family member could fill a book. I do know my mom is always annoyed by her great-grandchildren being dressed in current clothing choices. She still thinks boys wear sunsuits and saddle shoes, KWIM? She can't help but comment over any baby boy wearing "Jeans!" That really bugs me. My brother was born late in my mother's child-bearing years and she constantly dressed him in clothes that were no longer the style for boys and my poor brother was saddled with so many clothes identified as "gay" by others. My brother kind of put his foot down when he was around five years old because he was being relentlessly teased for wearing "those gay clothes."

[Guest]

Oh hell no would I buy clothing for anyone. If I thought the person would love to receive clothing, I'd get them a gift card.

 

My MIL buys me pajamas. I don't mind that because I never buy myself pajamas (for one thing I can't find petite pajama sizes). She manages to find bottoms that work in terms of length. I don't know how she manages that, but I do appreciate it!

 

For years several family members bought our kids clothing. It never ever never worked out. The stuff was always 100 sizes too big. So you think, well EVENTUALLY they'll grow into the items right? Well, either I'd forget about the item because it would be years later or the item would be completely ridiculous for the age. Like they'd buy something appropriate for a toddler 10 sizes too big and by the time my kid could wear it he was well past toddler. At least they all stopped buying clothing for our kids.

When my first two kids were little, my mom used to do this all the time. She is a big thrift and yard sale shopper and she would get a size 7 coat for DD aged 2. This was always with the idea that, "oh, but it is a Rothschild coat! This will be so great a few years from now!" Well, I don't want to store this darned coat for years and then try and remember when the time finally arrives she will fit into it!

 

My mom would also give me things that just needed some small repair, like the hem was falling out or it needed buttons replaced. Again, not to sound ungrateful, but I have plenty of clothes for the kids that DON'T need repairs; why do I want to make the effort putting a hem back up just so DD can have this dress too? I was too busy to diddle around with these repairs when I didn't need more clothes for the kids in the first place. If it meant so much to her, she should have just repaired it herself.

 

ETa: i can't spell today.

Edited January 1, 2017 by Quill

[MaeFlowers]

When my first two kids were little, my mom used to do this all the time. She is a big thrift and yard sale shopper and she would get a size 7 coat for DD aged 2. This was always with the idea that, "oh, but it is a Rothschild coat! This will be so great a few years from now!" Well, I don't want to store this darned coat for years and then try and remember when the time finally arrives she will fit into it!

 

My mom would also give me things that just needed some small repair, like the hem was falling out or it needed buttons replaced. Again, not to sound ungrateful, but I have plenty of clothes for the kids that DON'T need repairs; why do I want to make the effort putting a hem back up just so DD can have this dress too? I was too busy to diddle around with these repairs when I didn't need more clothes for the kids in the first place. If it meant so much to her, she should have just repaired it herself.

 

ETa: i can't spell today.

Sort of off topic...but I'm always fascinated by people who buy clothes at end of season sales for the next year. How do they know what size their kids will be when that season comes?

 

I tried it once for ds. He had such a growth spurt that the clothes were way too small by the next winter. Dd4 just went from a size 4 to a 6 in one month. I just had to buy her a second fall/winter wardrobe for this year. Maybe my kids just grow too sporadically?

[bettyandbob]

My own parents always bought me clothes too big even when I tried them on in the store. My last coat they got me when I was in 9th grade (full size). It was two sizes larger than the exact same style they'd gotten my siblings (4-5 years older) two years previously. It was ridiculous. It was so big I couldn't stay warm. The next year my married older brother had gained a ton of weight and couldn't afford ba coat. I gave him that coat. He more than 100 pounds more than me and the coat fit perfectly. I bought my next coat.

 

My parents also mostly gave me lesser quality items than my sister because I was younger and wouldn't take care of my stuff. Maybe this is consideration for toddlers, but by high school I was a little resentful. When I was 16 and my sister was 21 my parents gave us these really great mittens. Mine were dark grey and I was told that color was chosen because I would get them dirty. Ugh.

 

So it's not just grandparents.

[SarahW]

You really gave me a chuckle with that description. It is possible MIL thought she would give your DD some "appropiate" clothing since she must not have any. ;)

 

 

Those people. Yeah. "Well, I noticed that you didn't have any X, so I got you some!!"  :huh:  Maybe, just maybe, I don't have any because I don't want any? But no, I mean, who ever could even live without great thing X! Of course you want one!  :rolleyes:  :rolleyes:  :rolleyes:

 

Really, I don't want a toaster. I have a toaster oven. We're low carb and low wheat anyways. No, it's not because I'm too poor to buy one. No, it's not because it will "make my life so much easier." No, it's not even because I don't know how to use one (you press down the thing on the side to put the bread right, is that how it goes? really?). I just don't want one. And I have absolutely no judgment against people who do like their toaster. Really I don't.

 

^ Just one example out of so, so, so many. 

[Arcadia]

Sort of off topic...but I'm always fascinated by people who buy clothes at end of season sales for the next year. How do they know what size their kids will be when that season comes?

My DS12 growth is gradual even with growth spurts. So we buy a size larger for jackets/parkas and a size and two size larger for jeans/pants. My DS11 is more sporadic but he gets his brother's coats and pants when he has a growth spurt, then we top up. We buy shoes a size larger as spare. Winter is mild here so a light winter coat for my boys is light enough to be worn from September to April.

 

When my boys were younger, we bought from Lands End the jackets with the "Grow-A-Longâ„¢ sleeves extend up to 1.5 inches to fit them as they grow". Also Lands End exchange policy is generous. I think you can exchange a jacket that is new with tags a year later. Macy's has a 180 day exchange/return policy and we buy boys smart casual jackets there at end of season sale.

 

I think my DS12 has reached close to maximum size in jacket tops. He wears a men S, same as my husband. So they share jackets and coats. My kids wear polo shirts year round so those are easy to buy a size up when there is a sale. The formal long sleeve white shirts are the ones I can't get in advance because the fit would be off for shoulders or arm length. They need one per year so I am okay with paying close to full price on those.

[bolt.]

My exception is that my mom is a good listener and my tween has to "pay for her own clothing". (This is a mock economy where she can buy what she needs and wants without difficulty. She used a generous allowance that is intended as an exercise in learning finances as "her own" money.)

 

In this situation both of my kids consider grandma clothes very welcome gifts. Although, they are usually a size or two too large.

[Sherry in OH]

Sort of off topic...but I'm always fascinated by people who buy clothes at end of season sales for the next year. How do they know what size their kids will be when that season comes?

 

I tried it once for ds. He had such a growth spurt that the clothes were way too small by the next winter. Dd4 just went from a size 4 to a 6 in one month. I just had to buy her a second fall/winter wardrobe for this year. Maybe my kids just grow too sporadically?

 

The dress pants I bought my 10 year old in mid-November looked short by Christmas eve.  No way could I buy clothing seasons in advance.  

 

I often give away clothing we receive as gifts.  My mom includes gift receipts with clothing but she shops at stores we don't have. She is good at judging styles for adults, hit or miss for children.  MIL seemed offended the one time I asked for receipts.  

[Lady Marmalade]

You really gave me a chuckle with that description. It is possible MIL thought she would give your DD some "appropiate" clothing since she must not have any. ;)

 

 

 

Ha-ha, this made me laugh!  My DH is a big burly construction worker.  He would be right at home on the set of an alaskan lumberjack show with his denim, t-shirts and flannel.  He does know how to look nice when the occasion warrants, but usually just wearing nicer, fitted jeans with a dressier shirt works just fine.  He does have a suit and ties and knows how to use them, but our life is such that they never, ever get worn.  I can't even tell you the last time he wore a suit and tie!

 

Anyway, for his 40th birthday his parents got him a very generous gift card to Men's Warehouse.  As he opened it up, he literally was told "It's time."

 

:huh:

 

He ended up using the gift card to buy a bunch of  $40 t-shirts and one button down dress shirt.  

 

Ever since then, I think pretty much all of our gifts from them have been gift cards for clothing stores.  I guess that's better than them buying actual clothing we won't wear, but the gift cards are not generally from stores we tend to shop at.  My gift card this Christmas was to Dress Barn.  

 

Pretty sure that our casual lifestyle and style of dress does not meet with their approval.  :laugh:   

[HS Mom in NC]

MIL was prone to this too long with my girls.  By the time most girls are about 5 or 6 they have their own tastes in clothes.  MIL figured it out when oldest was about 13. It was never from the wrong age bracket, it was just not in keeping each girl's personal tastes which were distinctly displayed in what they wore every time she saw them. MIL has been obese most of her life and poor when she was young, so I suspect there's some living vicariously through the granddaughters and preferring the latest, trendiest items she probably didn't get to wear herself.  None of my girls has really been into every trend or fashion much.  Every now and then a trend comes along that they really like, but they're not people who care all that much about fashion. MIL has another granddaughter (11years old) who is, so MIL takes her clothes shopping all the time.  Win win.

 

The exception was when velour sweatsuits were in style in the early 2000s.  Middle daughter was in the 7-9 year old range and a gymnast and she LOVED them.  She had them in every color in the rainbow and wore them daily, so MIL and my dad each  bought her a set for Christmas one year and she was thrilled.

I too suspect in the OP's situation there may be an underlying attitude of 80 year olds wanting the young adults to have "more appropriate" clothing than they're wearing. 

[fairfarmhand]

I also think that it may be that some folks may not realize that they really don't "know" their offspring and grands as well as they think. Just because you love someone and changed their diapers doesn't mean that you know them super well when it's 12 years later! Especially if you live far apart.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[SparklyUnicorn]

When my first two kids were little, my mom used to do this all the time. She is a big thrift and yard sale shopper and she would get a size 7 coat for DD aged 2. This was always with the idea that, "oh, but it is a Rothschild coat! This will be so great a few years from now!" Well, I don't want to store this darned coat for years and then try and remember when the time finally arrives she will fit into it!

 

My mom would also give me things that just needed some small repair, like the hem was falling out or it needed buttons replaced. Again, not to sound ungrateful, but I have plenty of clothes for the kids that DON'T need repairs; why do I want to make the effort putting a hem back up just so DD can have this dress too? I was too busy to diddle around with these repairs when I didn't need more clothes for the kids in the first place. If it meant so much to her, she should have just repaired it herself.

 

ETa: i can't spell today.

 

My MIL sent us clothing from my DH.  She actually paid money to mail it from Germany.  Imagine bell bottom corduroy overalls with pink heart shaped patches sewn onto the knees (to hide holes).  My husband was mortified and threw the stuff out.  He said he hated the clothing then and certainly didn't want to see his kids wearing it.

[StaceyinLA]

Just reading this as a reminder to not be that Granny. ;-p

 

I think if I got to a point where I didn't feel I could choose appropriate clothing, I'd either take the teen with me and let them choose their items (and I'd enjoy that because it gives you the bonus of spending time with them), or I would give a mall gift card. I at least always need to remember where the young, hip places to shop are, even when I am too old to shop there myself (not willing to give up AE just yet, and even at 49, I would likely NEVER shop at Chico's or Talbot's for my clothing. Shoot I still feel like most of the Loft clothing is too "old" for me.)

Edited January 1, 2017 by StaceyinLA

[barnwife]

My mom has saved all of the unused/brand new baby clothes she got at her baby shower. Guess what I got at mine? I had no idea until that moment that she pulls from that stash to gift to people. I am still horrified knowing this.

As with many gifts from her, it ended up at the thrift store. Well, the food gifts we don't eat go to our chickens and goats.

She would be very hurt if she knew just how many things we get from her get donated. But, despite many pleas to cut back on gifts/hints at things we'd like, it just doesn't get through. So we smile, say thanks, and get rid of them at the first chance.

 

[Zinnia]

You really gave me a chuckle with that description. It is possible MIL thought she would give your DD some "appropiate" clothing since she must not have any. ;)

 

I don't really have this problem, although the list of out-of-step gifts my kids have gotten from one family member could fill a book. I do know my mom is always annoyed by her great-grandchildren being dressed in current clothing choices. She still thinks boys wear sunsuits and saddle shoes, KWIM? She can't help but comment over any baby boy wearing "Jeans!" That really bugs me. My brother was born late in my mother's child-bearing years and she constantly dressed him in clothes that were no longer the style for boys and my poor brother was saddled with so many clothes identified as "gay" by others. My brother kind of put his foot down when he was around five years old because he was being relentlessly teased for wearing "those gay clothes."

I dress my baby boys in jon-jons and saddle shoes. It's not the most inappropriate because we live in the deep south, but it is still unusual enough that everyone feels that they need to make a comment on it.

 

I have 4 kids, though, and I have saved many of the Jon-jons and smocked dresses in hopes that at least one of them will love the style for their own kids. ☺

[Tap]

My mother and older sisters are Native American and have dark completions, dark hair and very dark eyes.  Their body styles are more full.

I have a different father that my siblings and he is Norwegian. I am tall and willowy, with blond hair, fair skin and blue eyes. My husband is German and my kids look like us.  At 22yo my son still has platinum blond hair. 

 

My mother doesn't really take our complexion or build into account when shopping for me or my kids.  She used to buy things that would look great on my NA sibs, but were wayyyy to bold colored for me or my kids.  She will send me things like a box-cut, button down shirt dress shirt that has 2" black and emerald green stripes. Just not my style and the cut isn't good for tall and thin.  It was bought with love, she does doesn't think about the recipient.  I asked her to stop buying us clothes many years back. It was really a waste of time and money. 

 

 

[PeachyDoodle]

My DS12 growth is gradual even with growth spurts. So we buy a size larger for jackets/parkas and a size and two size larger for jeans/pants. My DS11 is more sporadic but he gets his brother's coats and pants when he has a growth spurt, then we top up. We buy shoes a size larger as spare. Winter is mild here so a light winter coat for my boys is light enough to be worn from September to April.

 

When my boys were younger, we bought from Lands End the jackets with the "Grow-A-Longâ„¢ sleeves extend up to 1.5 inches to fit them as they grow". Also Lands End exchange policy is generous. I think you can exchange a jacket that is new with tags a year later. Macy's has a 180 day exchange/return policy and we buy boys smart casual jackets there at end of season sale.

 

I think my DS12 has reached close to maximum size in jacket tops. He wears a men S, same as my husband. So they share jackets and coats. My kids wear polo shirts year round so those are easy to buy a size up when there is a sale. The formal long sleeve white shirts are the ones I can't get in advance because the fit would be off for shoulders or arm length. They need one per year so I am okay with paying close to full price on those.

 

Actually, Lands' End has a lifetime guarantee. You can technically return any item at any time, even years later, even if it's used. Not that I would expect a refund for items we'd worn out, but it's a great policy if you get clothes on clearance that the kids end up not being able to wear.

[marbel]

Just reading this as a reminder to not be that Granny. ;-p

 

I think if I got to a point where I didn't feel I could choose appropriate clothing, I'd either take the teen with me and let them choose their items (and I'd enjoy that because it gives you the bonus of spending time with them), or I would give a mall gift card. I at least always need to remember where the young, hip places to shop are, even when I am too old to shop there myself (not willing to give up AE just yet, and even at 49, I would likely NEVER shop at Chico's or Talbot's for my clothing. Shoot I still feel like most of the Loft clothing is too "old" for me.)

 

My daughter and I were talking about this today.  I told her that I plan to stop buying clothes after preschool age but she is to go ahead and correct me if I forget to do that. I am confident that she will

 

But my kids and and I are able to communicate very directly, whereas my husband and his parent do not.  Our families growing up were very different.  His were careful to be super polite and would never comment negatively on a gift.  Mine were more direct; saying "hey, thanks for the gift but really I can't use this" has always been perfectly acceptable.   

 

I am 60 and when I only shop at Chico's for stuff for my MIL.  I feel it is too old-looking for me but I think more than that, it's just a different type of style.  I don't like large prints, and in my experience they sell a lot of that sort of thing.