Is there a way to politely say

[DawnM]

you don't wish to discuss politics and be somewhat forceful about it?

 

We are going to Thanksgiving with friends who we have had Thanksgiving with for the past 10 years.  We like them.  There are some others coming as well.

 

But they LOVE to discuss politics, particularly in political election years.  Last time, I kept just smiling and trying to change the subject or commenting that I didn't really want to discuss politics at the dinner table.  But they don't let go.  

 

OR, sometimes their other guests will join in and that becomes the topic for the next hour.  

 

I don't want to "make a statement" by getting up and leaving, but I am not sure I can take it this time around.  

 

Suggestions when he usual ones don't work?  Please know I really don't want to cause an argument or fight.  I want to be polite but firm.

[SKL]

Honestly, they are going to discuss politics.  If you really can't stand it for an hour, find an excuse to skip it or leave early.  Also, come armed with better subjects that are likely to engage people.  Look for opportunities to get engaged with the little kids so you can ignore the political discussions.

[bettyandbob]

No help. This makes me glad to not be spending holidays with family (maybe just not with my father)

[SKL]

Last month I had a party for my 50th birthday.  I told my 2 close friends (who voted differently from me) that if they brought up politics during my party, I would leave.  At the party, my sibling (who voted the same as me) brought up politics early on.  I said, "I told __ that if anyone brings up politics, I'm going to leave."  My siblings looked at me like I had grown a second head, and proceeded to discuss politics for the next hour.  :P  On the positive side, my friends had the sense to keep quiet so it was a one-sided conversation, which is better than an argument.  :P

[kewb]

No. There is no polite way to tell someone what they can or can not discuss in their home.

You can say you would rather not discuss it when the topic comes up and endure the well meaning grilling of why you don't want to discuss it or you can make alternate plans this year.

[poppy]

Lots of people enjoy talking politics, it's not really a reasonable thing to ask them to avoid if it's the tradition.

 

BUT, if you really want to go, bring parlor games to suck up some of the time.  Without forbidding a topic, just change the tone.

 

Famous person game- write famous people's names on stickers.  Put them on people's foreheads. They don't know who they are assigned, but, can ask questions to figure out who they are.  This should take a good 20 minutes. You can chagne to historical figures or different countries if your folks won't know current celebrities.

 

Mr. Freeze - assign a  random person to be Mr. Freeze and that person will freeze at some point during the meal.  Then others, as they notice, need to freeze too. The last person to freeze loses.

 

Slip It in- put a weird phrase under each person's phrase. They have to try to sneak it into conversation.  "The older I get, the more I think about cats".  "I want to learn to play the harp" "I've heard snake meat is surprisingly good".

[regentrude]

I don't think you can ask your hosts not to discuss politics in their own home. Especially in the current situation where political topics are at the forefront of many people's minds, it is pretty much impossible not to talk about it.

 

You can start conversations on other topics.

You can mention that you are upset and prefer not to talk politics.

But beyond that, there is nothing you can do.

Edited November 18, 2016 by regentrude

[HomeAgain]

You can show them the Holderness family video. :lol:

 

[zoobie]

No. There is no polite way to tell someone what they can or can not discuss in their home.

You can say you would rather not discuss it when the topic comes up and endure the well meaning grilling of why you don't want to discuss it or you can make alternate plans this year.

This.

 

You mentioned in another thread that you didn't want to go to this gathering anyway. Another great reason to just keep Thanksgiving simple and just your family at home. Aren't you stretched pretty thin getting readjusted to work and need the family time? ;)

[MEmama]

I think it's reasonable, especially right now, to state your discomfort with the topic. A lot of us are in a very fragile emotional place right now. If they can't respect a simple request to stay away from a topic so controversial, I would not consider it rude for you to leave. Setting up emotional boundaries are healthy, whether they choose to acknowledge it or not.

[Xahm]

My plan is to claim the baby needs to nurse, nap, or be changed. I may never be so grateful for a needy baby again.

[wintermom]

 

 

I don't want to "make a statement" by getting up and leaving, but I am not sure I can take it this time around.  

 

 

It doesn't have to be a "make a statement" leaving. You could go for a walk in the neighbourhood, go to the bathroom, go to the kitchen, go spend some time with the children, go to a different room. There are tons of creative ways to get out of the room. Or you can stay home. But don't whine before, during or after the event. 

[BlsdMama]

you don't wish to discuss politics and be somewhat forceful about it?

 

We are going to Thanksgiving with friends who we have had Thanksgiving with for the past 10 years.  We like them.  There are some others coming as well.

 

But they LOVE to discuss politics, particularly in political election years.  Last time, I kept just smiling and trying to change the subject or commenting that I didn't really want to discuss politics at the dinner table.  But they don't let go.  

 

OR, sometimes their other guests will join in and that becomes the topic for the next hour.  

 

I don't want to "make a statement" by getting up and leaving, but I am not sure I can take it this time around.  

 

Suggestions when he usual ones don't work?  Please know I really don't want to cause an argument or fight.  I want to be polite but firm.

 

 

Do you really want to go?

 

It's their house and while it's exceedingly rude, you're setting  yourself up to be mad and disappointed.  They talk politics, it's right after a crazy election, and it's going to be discussed.  I'd really evaluate going this year. Either not going or going is going to ruin the holiday so I think I'd settle for a peaceful not going, kwim?  Because I suspect "polite but firm" is going to go over like a lead brick. Either they'll resent you telling them what they can talk about at their table, as their guest, *or* they'll ignore you.  Either way doesn't end well, kwim?

[Jyhwkmama]

You can show them the Holderness family video. :lol:

 

 

 

Thank you! I needed this lift this morning. :)

[DawnM]

Thanks.    I figured there wouldn't really be a way.

 

But accusing me of whining?    :001_rolleyes:

 

While I would like to decline the invite, I feel it is a done deal and since it is a tradition in our family and has been for 10 years, the family really does want to go, and the host considers me a co-host.  We used to trade off houses but now it is just her house for several reasons.

 

Its ok, I will just deal.  

[fraidycat]

You can't tell them not to discuss politics. If you choose to go, You CAN tell them you've had enough politics in the past two years to last a lifetime, and you are tired of discussing and are celebrating THANKSgiving by being thankful the election is over, so you are choosing not to partake in that particular flavor of conversation before you even arrive, or as soon as you arrive. Then sit quietly with an uncomfortable smile if the topic comes up.

 

Gracious hosts will notice and change the subject, and try to make their guests (you) as comfortable as possible.

 

If that doesn't work, it's not rude to excuse yourself for a walk ASAP.

Edited November 18, 2016 by fraidycat

[J-rap]

I guess if everyone else wanted to talk about it but me, I'd just leave it alone.  I don't think I'd make any comments, unless someone asked.  Then I'd probably say, "I'm taking a break from talking politics, myself.  But you go ahead."  Then I'd be the first one up to help clear the table and clean the kitchen.  Or, I'd be the fun aunt who invites the children to play a game.

[RegGuheert]

You can show them the Holderness family video. :lol:

Thanks! That's awesome! That'll be on our TV next Thursday!

[Guest]

I guess if everyone else wanted to talk about it but me, I'd just leave it alone.  I don't think I'd make any comments, unless someone asked.  Then I'd probably say, "I'm taking a break from talking politics, myself.  But you go ahead."  Then I'd be the first one up to help clear the table and clean the kitchen.  Or, I'd be the fun aunt who invites the children to play a game.

 

This has been my strategy. 

[SKL]

I think it's reasonable, especially right now, to state your discomfort with the topic. A lot of us are in a very fragile emotional place right now. If they can't respect a simple request to stay away from a topic so controversial, I would not consider it rude for you to leave. Setting up emotional boundaries are healthy, whether they choose to acknowledge it or not.

 

The problem with this IMO is that many families haven't actually had a chance to sit down and talk since the election, and Thanksgiving for many is a rare chance to chat like old times.  From the OP, I'm guessing they will be bursting to share their feelings with each other.  So I guess I'm saying it's not a "simple request" to stay away from this topic at this time.

[Mimm]

If you were hosting, I'd say you could say something like, "In light of this contentious election season, we request that political talk be kept away from the dinner table so we can focus on enjoying each other's company." But if you aren't hosting, you don't really have the right to say something.

 

I sympathize, that would annoy me too.

[Mimm]

You can show them the Holderness family video. :lol:

 

 

Thank you for this! :) Hilarious.

[madteaparty]

OP, I am sympathetic to this. I'm also very anti social so I would refuse to go, because I agree that you can't tell people what to discuss in their own home. I can barely discuss the election (and it's not just politics, but whatever) with people that agree with me, never mind the rest. It's not a normal situation and I can't pretend it's a little political disagreement.

If you are whiny, then I don't know what we are, because we've cut ties entirely with family members over this.

Edited November 18, 2016 by madteaparty

[MysteryJen]

I leave the room if political talk starts. There is always something to do in the kitchen. Or my tried and true strategy is to watch football and only talk about football. "How 'bout dem Cowboys?" will always divert enough people from whatever horrible political or religious conversation is making me die a little inside,

 

Football on Thanksgiving is a gift.

[SparklyUnicorn]

This is one plus with only having the 5 of us.  Don't know if politics will come up, but we are all on a similar page so. I suppose that makes it a little dull.  LOL

 

I guess I'd try to distract myself with something else.  Maybe some people like to play cards? 

 

 

[mommyoffive]

Yeah I think it is going to be rough this year.  I kind of don't want to go just because of it. 

[wintermom]

Thanks.    I figured there wouldn't really be a way.

 

But accusing me of whining?    :001_rolleyes:

 

While I would like to decline the invite, I feel it is a done deal and since it is a tradition in our family and has been for 10 years, the family really does want to go, and the host considers me a co-host.  We used to trade off houses but now it is just her house for several reasons.

 

Its ok, I will just deal.  

 

Not an accusation of whining, but really; you can't find an adult way to deal?

[lllll]

nm

Edited December 4, 2016 by cathey

[kitten18]

Not an accusation of whining, but really; you can't find an adult way to deal?

Really? She was just asking for ideas.

[Lanny]

Try to have a mental list of things you wouldn't mind talking about: Music, movies, the weather, your last/next vacation, the "proper" way to cook a Thanksgiving Turkey, what kind of car you should buy next, etc.  I understand how you feel. I have always been interested in "Current Events" but my wife and DD also do not want to hear about Political things, so I try not to bring that up very often.  

[Code Lyoko]

Not an accusation of whining, but really; you can't find an adult way to deal?

She was asking for help in finding polite ways to avoid what might end up being a painful political discussion during a holiday meal.  I find that a perfectly reasonable thing to ask about.  "Hey, can my on-line buds help me brainstorm this?"  Hopefully the suggestions on this thread have been helpful for her processing a course of action.

[madteaparty]

Not an accusation of whining, but really; you can't find an adult way to deal?

That is an accusation of whining. And I thought that's what she was doing by asking here, looking for an adult, polite way to deal. Geez.

[hornblower]

You cannot stop others from discussing things. I think even as hostess you can only try to drive the conversation so much. 

You can choose to not participate though it's sometimes hard to do politely as politeness technically requires participation. 

You can practice your mindful meditation, you can pretend you're on a date with the most boring person and just stare at them with a polite smile while ignoring everything they say, you can try to recite in your head all the kings & queens of England and other facts and dates. If you're asked point blank for your opinion,  you can say "I do not wish to discuss it, but thank you for asking'. 

You would probably have to bite your tongue because they will say things which will be wrong, which you'll have information about that you'll want to share but if you hold fast to not listening and ignoring, you'll have to just let those things go. 

You can hope you're seated next to someone with whom you can talk about something else. 

In short you can refuse to talk about it, but you may not be able to refuse to hear it. 

Personally I'd either not go or I'd wear an obnoxiously political outfit and buttons, grab the floor and just not let get anyone else get a word in edgewise :) 

[Slartibartfast]

Maybe just make signs, "NO POLITICS ZONE" and put them on the walls around the table. :lol:

[Slartibartfast]

My husband and sister in law were just recently talking on the phone about how much they are looking forward to FIL and me arguing over Politics at Christmas. They find it entertaining.  :huh:

[TranquilMind]

you don't wish to discuss politics and be somewhat forceful about it?

 

We are going to Thanksgiving with friends who we have had Thanksgiving with for the past 10 years.  We like them.  There are some others coming as well.

 

But they LOVE to discuss politics, particularly in political election years.  Last time, I kept just smiling and trying to change the subject or commenting that I didn't really want to discuss politics at the dinner table.  But they don't let go.  

 

OR, sometimes their other guests will join in and that becomes the topic for the next hour.  

 

I don't want to "make a statement" by getting up and leaving, but I am not sure I can take it this time around.  

 

Suggestions when he usual ones don't work?  Please know I really don't want to cause an argument or fight.  I want to be polite but firm.

 

They are probably going to do it. 

 

But you can change the subject, politely but repeatedly.  That might work.

 

Friend:  Now that T is elected, this and that will happen.

You: Oh, is that the senior picture of your youngest? SO cute!  Where did you get it done?

Repeat ad nauseum.

 

Or you could just do it and stay calm. 

[TranquilMind]

OP, I am sympathetic to this. I'm also very anti social so I would refuse to go, because I agree that you can't tell people what to discuss in their own home. I can barely discuss the election (and it's not just politics, but whatever) with people that agree with me, never mind the rest. It's not a normal situation and I can't pretend it's a little political disagreement.

If you are whiny, then I don't know what we are, because we've cut ties entirely with family members over this.

 

Good Lord.

 

[DawnM]

Really? She was just asking for ideas.

 

No kidding.  

[Shellydon]

If you are going to someone's house, then you can't tell them what they can and cannot discuss.  If you know it is going to happen, don't go.  I totally get that you hate it, I do too.  I would ban it in my home. 

Edited November 18, 2016 by Shellydon

[DawnM]

That is an accusation of whining. And I thought that's what she was doing by asking here, looking for an adult, polite way to deal. Geez.

 

I am TRYING to be polite.  Thank you!

[DawnM]

She was asking for help in finding polite ways to avoid what might end up being a painful political discussion during a holiday meal.  I find that a perfectly reasonable thing to ask about.  "Hey, can my on-line buds help me brainstorm this?"  Hopefully the suggestions on this thread have been helpful for her processing a course of action.

 

 

Yup, thank you, just asking for suggestions.  Most of the people here have been helpful.

Edited November 18, 2016 by DawnM

[happi duck]

I think if arguing happens one can ask that people stop arguing.

[madteaparty]

Good Lord.

 

You know, you don't need to comment on everything,

especially with the sort of astonishing insight as this particular one. Some posts, mine especially, you can let go. Really, I won't be offended.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I've noticed something over the years on these boards.  PPL get extra snippy around the holidays. 

 

 

[Carol in Cal.]

I'm not planning anything.  And I'm dreading it.  All of it.

I'm not feeling particularly adult about it, either.  Normally I would rise above it, but that's going to be harder than normal this year.

Right now my best guess is that at Christmas people are going to start vocalizing really obnoxious assumptions about each other, and I'm going to just sit there with my head down, waiting for it to be over.  Ugh.  

Edited November 18, 2016 by Carol in Cal.

[SKL]

I've noticed something over the years on these boards.  PPL get extra snippy around the holidays. 

 

For sure.  I've decided many of us don't handle sugar well (myself included).  :)

[SKL]

My dad once made a handy dandy "BS Deflector" to hang over his ear when someone started started getting ridiculous.  Does the family have a good enough sense of humor for that?  :)

[SparklyUnicorn]

For sure.  I've decided many of us don't handle sugar well (myself included).  :)

 

LOL

I barely eat any sugar.  Maybe that's why I'm nuts all year long.

 

:coolgleamA:

[TranquilMind]

You know, you don't need to comment on everything,

especially with the sort of astonishing insight as this particular one. Some posts, mine especially, you can let go. Really, I won't be offended.

Edited:  Eh, on second thought, never mind. This is so bizarre that I'm not going to bother. 

Edited November 18, 2016 by TranquilMind

[Alicia64]

Honestly, they are going to discuss politics.  If you really can't stand it for an hour, find an excuse to skip it or leave early.  Also, come armed with better subjects that are likely to engage people.  Look for opportunities to get engaged with the little kids so you can ignore the political discussions.

 

I agree w/ SKL, but it's worth a shot to say: "When I woke up this morning, I decided to try hard for a no-politicsThanksgiving, you know, to keep the stress down. It's been such a hectic time for everyone and I, for one, need a break! Hahaha."

 

Then I'd switch the subject to something like, "I can't believe it's almost Christmas. . .  how's everyone making it work this year?"

 

Just a thought, but SKL is probably right. Still. . . speak up for yourself and if the others can't chill out on this holiday, well, you tried.

 

Alley