Teens in the bathroom

[MomatHWTK]

There are parents who enjoy watching their young grow up to be their own persons. Those parents encourage and nurture their children's individual personalities, strengths and character. Those parents help their children overcome weakness in a positive and encouraging environment. 

 

I feel sorry for the kids who don't have that kind of parent. 

 

[J-rap]

45 minutes in the bathroom would never fly at our house, but then we were 7 people/1 bathroom.  Regardless, 45 minutes or longer seems a little weird to me.  I guess we've never been a family (nor did I grow up in a family) where anyone ever spent that long in the bathroom.  Maybe just good digestive genes?

 

In any event, I think I would do three things.  First, I'd establish a schedule.  It doesn't need to be done out of anger or frustration or anything besides what is practical.  Just a "hey, let's figure out a bathroom schedule here so that everyone can get ready on time" type of thing.  Then post it outside the bathroom door.  That's what we ended up needing to do once all five kids were teenagers at the same time.

 

Then, I'd try and understand what was really going on -- if there were some problem.  I'd do that by working harder on establishing a good, comfortable relationship with my child.  It takes longer to do it that way for sure.  But by establishing a trusting relationship and digging into his brain a bit, you may learn that he is suffering from anxiety, or loneliness, or who knows what.  Maybe the bathroom is his escape.  I would hope that his father is doing that too.  Because if there is a physical problem, I'd guess that a son would be more comfortable telling his father.

 

Beyond that, I'd add more fiber to his (and everyone's, so that it doesn't seem like I'm just focusing on him) diet, and remove foods that might be constipating.  Just in case.

 

Of course depending on the child, the relationship, etc., a simple knock at the door telling him that his time is up would work.  But given your situation, I think I'd handle it more carefully.

[nd293]

That is reason we don't let them have their pho

ne in there. They just dawdle too long.

Is he generally respectful of others? If so maybe discussing the schedule explicitly might help. Everyone here is generally considerate, so it's usually enough to stand outside the door and yell "There's a queue forming! Hurry up!" (Sometimes followed by the "Put down your electronics!") This generally means things are wrapped up quickly.

 

For bathing and showering there are times when we can take our time, and times when we simply cannot. It wouldn't work otherwise. So if dd wants to shower in the evening she has to let everyone know so that those who might need to brush teeth before bed can do so first. Dh is usually out the house before we are awake, but if he leaves late chaos ensues because he doesn't follow the unwritten rules and will shower when kids need to brush their teeth before leaving for school. He certainly is not inconsiderate, he just isn't in sync with us in the mornings. I had to tell him explicitly what was ok and what wasn't to ensure that we all get out the door on time.

[Joules]

I think it is likely stress.  His life sounds extremely stressful, and I would guess it is almost a fight or flight thing.

 

One possibility: It is hard to do what you need to on the toilet if you are stressed.  Sometimes it takes time to relax.  You need to know you aren't going to be interrupted.  When you finally relax, someone bangs on the door or yells at you, and the process starts all over. This is a real physical thing that doesn't need fiber, but instead a less stressful environment.

 

Another possibility: Even though he has "privacy" in his bedroom most of the time, at any point, someone could come in to look for things or ask things from him.  I imagine he has a lock on the bathroom door, but not the bedroom.  The bathroom is the only place that he can take a deep breath and feel relaxed.

 

Honestly, I wonder if many of the problems (eating, laziness, etc.) you have with him are stress related.  These things don't have the quick fix that you are looking for.  You may have to back off completely and let him start to feel safe and relaxed.  Over time the issues may resolve themselves.  Yoga or meditation may be better activities than many of the other activities suggest previously for his various problems.

[HomeAgain]

Just in this thread he went from taking 45 minutes to 1h15.

 

 

As a mother of a teen, there are battles you have to pick and others you really shouldn't.  He is almost an adult.  That means that you simply cannot micromanage like like you could a small child.  The goal turns from "setting good habits" to "learning how to be on one's own".  How long someone poops doesn't fall into the latter. 

 

It irritates you, but I'm telling you bluntly, you are not coming out of this looking good.  Your irritation at a young-adult's bathroom habits is saying more about you and your house than about the child, especially when coupled with other rants, and if you don't want to come across as such a person then it needs to stop. 

[alisoncooks]

Just throwing this out there: I've been married to DH for 16 years, and for 16 years it has taken him at least 30 minutes to do his bathroom business, if not more. (Sometimes up to an hour.) His phone is in there with him, but that's only been in the last 6-7 years. As a quick bathroom user, it baffles me...but I don't suppose he can help it and it's not something that would warrant a doctor visit in our house.

 

I suggest accepting it -- however, let DSS know that if he's going to be in there that long, he needs to get up earlier.

[Hyacinth]

I want to offer something constructive and supportive after reading this thread, but I can't get past the ick factor of phones in the bathroom. Ew.

 

Don't take your phone to the bathroom, because gross.

[Aura]

Speaking from experience, you simply cannot win this fight on the bathroom.

I have 5 males in my house. I do. not. know. why. it takes them so long! It's like they hit a certain age...generally tweens...and then the bathroom time goes through the roof.

You can try every thing imaginable, but if they don't want to come out of the bathroom, they simply will not. The more you fuss, the more they will ignore you. I think here's some psychological factor that says, "I'm on the can. You can't make me." And they will absolutely stick to that.

So, unless you really do need the bathroom, let it go. Then, you when have to fuss and bang on the door because you absolutely need the bathroom, they'll be more likely to recognize your genuine need and hurry up.

That's my voice of over 21 years of experience with males that spend an hour in the bathroom. Breathe and let it go.

Edited November 12, 2016 by Aura

[Aura]

Oh, and you want to know what's really ironic? I have had this speech with my dh--the WORST at bathroom time--more than once because his sons follow in his footsteps AND HE CAN'T STAND IT!  :lol:  :lol:  :lol: I intervene every time he wants to bug one the boys about their time....he simply has NO room to talk.  :smilielol5:

[Joules]

Speaking from experience, you simply cannot win this fight on the bathroom.

 

I have 5 males in my house. I do. not. know. why. it takes them so long! It's like they hit a certain age...generally tweens...and then the bathroom time goes through the roof.

 

You can try every thing imaginable, but if they don't want to come out of the bathroom, they simply will not. The more you fuss, the more they will ignore you. I think here's some psychological factor that says, "I'm on the can. You can't make me." And they will absolutely stick to that.

 

So, unless you really do need the bathroom, let it go. Then, you when have to fuss and bang on the door because you absolutely need the bathroom, they'll be more likely to recognize your genuine need and hurry up.

 

That's my voice of over 21 years of experience with males that spend an hour in the bathroom. Breathe and let it go.

What worked for us before we had enough bathrooms was "I'm going to be in the bathroom awhile.  Does anyone need to use it for something quick before?"

[Scarlett]

So you don't know what's taking him so long, and you're considering taking him to the doctor, but you're not willing to do something that will help speed up the process if it's biological?

 

And Arctic Mama is right - if it's not this, it's something else. This IS the same kid, right? Everything he does bugs you. He stays up too late, he stays too long in the bathroom, he doesn't eat healthy - you have got to accept some delegation of responsibility here. His health and his body is HIS responsibility. Pick one and only one issue to address with the whole family - and then drop everything else. I'd say the same thing if this was your son instead of your stepson.

No it is not the same kid. My ds16 is the one who doesn't want to go to bed.

[Aura]

What worked for us before we had enough bathrooms was "I'm going to be in the bathroom awhile.  Does anyone need to use it for something quick before?"

Yes, we've had to do that, too. It does help, especially (like at my MIL's) where there is only one bathroom.

 

But if people are going to be harassed regardless, they're not likely to give forewarning, because, what's the point? It's like asking people come bother you.

[Tanaqui]

Oh, okay. That does make a bit of a difference.

 

Buuuuut... I still think you need to just let this one go. His bodily functions aren't really your job.

[Julie Smith]

What worked for us before we had enough bathrooms was "I'm going to be in the bathroom awhile. Does anyone need to use it for something quick before?"

We have one bathroom here. We work things out in that manner. Also, with the exception of youngest we don't mind people coming and going from the bathroom when we are using it.

 

Right now in addition to our family of 4 we have 6 weekend house guests, 5 of which are males. I did tell everyone that they have to announce if they will be in the bathroom longer than a few minutes.

[Scarlett]

Just in this thread he went from taking 45 minutes to 1h15.

 

 

As a mother of a teen, there are battles you have to pick and others you really shouldn't. He is almost an adult. That means that you simply cannot micromanage like like you could a small child. The goal turns from "setting good habits" to "learning how to be on one's own". How long someone poops doesn't fall into the latter.

 

It irritates you, but I'm telling you bluntly, you are not coming out of this looking good. Your irritation at a young-adult's bathroom habits is saying more about you and your house than about the child, especially when coupled with other rants, and if you don't want to come across as such a person then it needs to stop.

It is never/rarely less than 45 min to poop but yesterday it was 1 hour 15 min including his shower. We have two showers but not enough hot water for two showers at the same time or back to back. So I was trying to be considerate and let him have his first but he would not come out of the bathroom.

[KrissiK]

My 13 year old boy spends a tremendous amount of time in the bathroom as well. I have no idea what he's doing, though I can imagine (I really try not to). He doesn't have a phone, either. Sometimes I do think it's to get some peace. Although I have been slipping fiber into his milk every morning on the sly, to "move things along" if that's part of the problem.

Edited November 12, 2016 by KrissiK

[Scarlett]

Speaking from experience, you simply cannot win this fight on the bathroom.

 

I have 5 males in my house. I do. not. know. why. it takes them so long! It's like they hit a certain age...generally tweens...and then the bathroom time goes through the roof.

 

You can try every thing imaginable, but if they don't want to come out of the bathroom, they simply will not. The more you fuss, the more they will ignore you. I think here's some psychological factor that says, "I'm on the can. You can't make me." And they will absolutely stick to that.

 

So, unless you really do need the bathroom, let it go. Then, you when have to fuss and bang on the door because you absolutely need the bathroom, they'll be more likely to recognize your genuine need and hurry up.

 

That's my voice of over 21 years of experience with males that spend an hour in the bathroom. Breathe and let it go.

Thank you for this. I am glad to know it is not something no one has ever heard of.

 

And to some of the comments by others....

 

I rarely say a word about it. During the day when we are here alone he will disappear for 45 or so and I just let it go. For some reason people think I am constantly on him about everything and it is just not true. I had noticed his phone wasn't downstairs several mornings in a row and I didn't say anything to anyone. I had not been in his room for weeks and I was up there because I needed my winter clothes which are stored up there. By then he had already been told by his dad to hurry and his dad had left the house. I had heard the toilet flush and the shower run and still he was not coming out. So it occurred to me he was probably on his phone and avoiding school. That is when I looked to see if his phone was upstairs.

 

I have a good relationship with the man/boy. I am the one who managed to get him to a urologist because his mother wouldn't do it even though he was still wetting the bed nightly at age 14. I am the one who got him to the chiropractor as soon as he moved here to fix his back that had been causing him a lot of pain for six months or more. I am the one who took him to Vo tech to see the culinary arts program and walked him through what needed to happen to do that. He loves to cook and he helps me a lot in the kitchen and I take him to the nice grocery stores in the city and we buy new foods and he tries new recipes in the cookbooks I gave him or he bought.

 

I never said he is lazy. I said he is overweight so maybe you all think I think he lazy because of that....but he is very agreeable to helping do what needs to be done.

 

He got way behind in his algebra and I had to spearhead a solution to that. And he wasn't happy with me. Two weeks later, I realized he was even further behind in German...because I was specifically NOT micromanaging him,,,,,and I had to come down on him to get it done, ask for help etc....it took some work to figure out why he wouldn't get it done..turns out he didn't like doing the speaking part ( that gets recorded) in front of us.....so I told him to take his computer up stairs to do his German. He was not happy about my pushing him on German and algebra....so am I being overbearing about that too?

 

This kid probably does have stress......every kid does....but I don't think it is some off the charts horrible life he lives. He WANTED to come live with us.

 

And I think I am allowed to be irritated by ANYONE who is slowing up the day's schedule so much. Dh tends to do it to me about our bathroom.....and I say hurry up! I have to get ready too!

[City Mouse]

My DS14 will take a long time in the bathroom just because he is avoiding school work, so I understand your frustration to an extent, but I make bathroom and school work to separate issues. At a separate occasion I will discuss his time in the bathroom to ask if it was really taking that long to do his business. I explain that if it is taking 45min then then there is a problem that an be addressed by some miralax. He does have some stomach issues, so that has been the case at times. He has been willing to let me know when he feels that he needs some medication.

 

Other times, he is avoiding work or going where I won't bother him (I am guilty of doing that when my kids were little and talking my ear off). He has a set amount of schoolwork to get done each day, and it is up to him if he does it all by noon or if it is 10pm when he finishes. I try not to show my irritation, but I am not always successful. Because he does need my help with some things, I will dictate the schedule for that. "We will start your math at 4:00" or what ever. Yes, I sometimes get irritated at him when I had other things I wanted to do in the evening besides his school work, but that is how it is. If he doesn't get all his work done M-F, then we have to give up weekend plans to finish school work. He will be spending part of today finishing an English paper.

 

If showering is an issues because of the hot water, then you may need to set up a shower schedule separate for toilet time. At my house, my DH is the one who uses up all the hot water. He stays in the shower until the hot water runs out unless he has a reason to be quicker. He will stay in the shower until the hot water runs out unless there is a specific reason to be quicker. Because of his work I schedule, I usually get up earlier than him and shower first, but if he has to be at work early for some reason, it messes everything up. I have to remind him that I need a shower too and to not use all the hot water. You would think after 25 years, he would know that I like to take showers with hot water too, but no, I have to remind him.

[heartlikealion]

I don't know how long this has been bothering you, but it sounds like years or at least since he got the phone. I think if his dad is going to address some of the issue then do it asap. I'm wondering if it has ever been addressed. I am also wondering what the pp said... how does his dad feel? Does it not affect him because he isn't home when this happens maybe?

 

I know you sound a little nervous to address him by yelling to get out or whatever, but gently knocking on the door and saying, "hey, can you wrap it up soon because I need the shower" seems fair.

[HomeMum]

My bathroom is a getaway from the real world. As long as that fan is on, I am excluded from all reality. 

[Wheres Toto]

I understand why you don't want phones in the bathroom.  Why don't you allow phones in the bedrooms? Is it possible it's easier for him to sneak a private look at his phone in the bathroom (with a lock on his door), than in his bedroom where someone could walk in?  Since they are not allowed in either place, if I were going to break a rule, I'd do it where I'm less likely to get caught.

 

I'm a bathroom reader.  Not as much since adulthood where I pretty much control what I do, but when I was a teen reading in the bathroom was a good way to not get interrupted with a request to do chores.

[Scarlett]

I understand why you don't want phones in the bathroom. Why don't you allow phones in the bedrooms? Is it possible it's easier for him to sneak a private look at his phone in the bathroom (with a lock on his door), than in his bedroom where someone could walk in? Since they are not allowed in either place, if I were going to break a rule, I'd do it where I'm less likely to get caught.

 

I'm a bathroom reader. Not as much since adulthood where I pretty much control what I do, but when I was a teen reading in the bathroom was a good way to not get interrupted with a request to do chores.

Both boys are on their phones all of the time. I dont understand the 'sneak a private peak' comment. .? No one is standing over him while he looks at his phone in the living room.

 

We don't allow phones in the bedrooms at night because we want them to sleep. During the day they aren't in their rooms anyway bcause there is school work to be done.

[QueenCat]

Self examine why it annoys me when he stays in the bathroom for an hour and 15 min? My guess is because there things to do and other people to consider. That is all.

 

I think for some of us, it's not just this issue you're mentioning but this issue combined with the other ones you've mentioned that cause concern about overpolicing or micromanage. I think your heart is in the right place but that's not always what comes out.

[Scarlett]

I think for some of us, it's not just this issue you're mentioning but this issue combined with the other ones you've mentioned that cause concern about overpolicing or micromanage. I think your heart is in the right place but that's not always what comes out.

Well I won't argue with how you all peceive me but I really do not police him or micromanage him.

[maize]

Scarlett, does dss's bedroom have a lock?

[Scarlett]

Scarlett, does dss's bedroom have a lock?

No. It doesn't even have a door. It is a loft bedroom and there is no way to make a door on it. But no one barges up there. We holler from the bottom of the stairs if we want him or want to go up.

[heartlikealion]

No. It doesn't even have a door. It is a loft bedroom and there is no way to make a door on it. But no one barges up there. We holler from the bottom of the stairs if we want him or want to go up.

 

oh, wow, no wonder he probably feels like he has no privacy. The bathroom is probably the only room with a door in the home that he uses. Something about having a door just seems to make a difference.

[Scarlett]

oh, wow, no wonder he probably feels like he has no privacy. The bathroom is probably the only room with a door in the home that he uses. Something about having a door just seems to make a difference.

I know you are all convinced he needs privacy.....but we are at my moms this weekend and the boys are sleeping in a two bedroom guesthouse next door.....he has been over here the entire day and evening with us. And he also used the bathroom here at the main house and was in there about 20 min. At home neither boys seems to be craving time alone.....if he was he would have stayed over in the guest house more today.

 

But regardless he can't use the bathroom for his personal private space for over an hour at a time.

 

We have a big shop and he goes out there sometimes for an hour or two fiddling on things.....and a huge yard....both boys sometimes go out and wander around. Seriously he has plenty of free and alone time.

[Tap]

I know you are all convinced he needs privacy.....but we are at my moms this weekend and the boys are sleeping in a two bedroom guesthouse next door.....he has been over here the entire day and evening with us. And he also used the bathroom here at the main house and was in there about 20 min. At home neither boys seems to be craving time alone.....if he was he would have stayed over in the guest house more today.

 

But regardless he can't use the bathroom for his personal private space for over an hour at a time.

 

We have a big shop and he goes out there sometimes for an hour or two fiddling on things.....and a huge yard....both boys sometimes go out and wander around. Seriously he has plenty of free and alone time.

So, why do you think he is doing this at home?

[DawnM]

I have one son who takes a book in there. He has always taken a long time on the toilet and in the shower. He just does. Thankfully he has his own bathroom, so he isn't taking up time from anyone else. BUT, when we need to get going, he has got to MOVE!

[maize]

No. It doesn't even have a door. It is a loft bedroom and there is no way to make a door on it. But no one barges up there. We holler from the bottom of the stairs if we want him or want to go up.

When I was a teen the bathroom was the only place I could go and lock a door. I spent lots of time there. Mostly reading.

 

We had a big house, but I did need a place with a lock. Psychologically, it was important.

 

I see two possibilities:

 

1) your kid has medical issues that cause him to require a long time in the bathroom. Not his fault and no reason to be angry at him.

 

2) your kid needs the psychological space of a room with a lock. Again, no reason to be angry with him.

[Scarlett]

When I was a teen the bathroom was the only place I could go and lock a door. I spent lots of time there. Mostly reading.

 

We had a big house, but I did need a place with a lock. Psychologically, it was important.

 

I see two possibilities:

 

1) your kid has medical issues that cause him to require a long time in the bathroom. Not his fault and no reason to be angry at him.

 

2) your kid needs the psychological space of a room with a lock. Again, no reason to be angry with him.

I see a third.....a combination of something physical that needs to be addressed and a desire to avoid schoolwork.

 

I am not 'mad' at him. I posted in a moment of frustration......2 days ago.

Edited November 13, 2016 by Scarlett

[Scarlett]

So, why do you think he is doing this at home?

I don't know.

[maize]

If this is mostly happening before school gets going in the morning you can certainly move up his wake-up/morning routine and require him to be out of the bathroom by x time. I'd make it about school start time though not amount of time in the bathroom.

 

Learning to be in place at the appointed time is an important life skill.

Edited November 13, 2016 by maize

[maize]

I don't know.

Does it happen mostly or exclusively at school time?

 

If so procrastination is a definite possibility.

[Scarlett]

Does it happen mostly or exclusively at school time?

 

If so procrastination is a definite possibility.

Hard to say because I try not to give it a lot of thought. Sometimes it will just occur to me....hey he was in there an hour ago and he is still there. Once that comes into my mind it is hard not to notice how much longer it takes him.

 

He can't really get upearlier bcause my son needs the bathroom until 7:30. I would have to wake dss up at 5:30 to ensure he had adequate time and sleep is important too....and I am not sure but I think his longest poop times are usually in the afternoons....which is probably his habit at his moms after school when he is home alone.

[maize]

If there is constipation going on I would address that, otherwise I think I would try to leave it alone as much as possible. Bathroom habits are awfully private.

[SarahW]

Hard to say because I try not to give it a lot of thought. Sometimes it will just occur to me....hey he was in there an hour ago and he is still there. Once that comes into my mind it is hard not to notice how much longer it takes him.

 

He can't really get upearlier bcause my son needs the bathroom until 7:30. I would have to wake dss up at 5:30 to ensure he had adequate time and sleep is important too....and I am not sure but I think his longest poop times are usually in the afternoons....which is probably his habit at his moms after school when he is home alone.

 

Maybe it is just a habit that started at his mom's, and now he doesn't know how to change.

 

I was for a while in the bad habit of dwadling in the bathroom and taking forever. It started in my teens as a psychological thing to escape stress. But even so, it was a bad habit, and having it as a crutch threw me for a loop when my life changed and I didn't have "my own" bathroom anymore (living in the college dorm and sharing with 3 other girls). Even when I tried to hurry, I had trouble keeping tabs on time. And it really started to negatively affect my quality of life. And without that crutch I had to suddenly deal with the head-issues that I was putting off, and it wasn't really the ideal time for that. 

 

I still do, sometimes, take a book and escape to the bathroom. But rarely. And especially now that I live in an old Dutch house with one bathroom that is practically outside and shared with 5 other people, I'm very glad I have broken the habit of needing it.

 

I would have someone, maybe Dad, sit down with dss and talk about this. Brainstorm more constructive ways he can get his mental space together in your house. A comfy chair and reading light that is "his space" in an alcove or under the stairs or something. And put a humidity-proof clock in the bathroom. Without the anchor of the numbers on a clock, bathrooms exist in an alternate time dimension for me.

[Scarlett]

Maybe it is just a habit that started at his mom's, and now he doesn't know how to change.

 

I was for a while in the bad habit of dwadling in the bathroom and taking forever. It started in my teens as a psychological thing to escape stress. But even so, it was a bad habit, and having it as a crutch threw me for a loop when my life changed and I didn't have "my own" bathroom anymore (living in the college dorm and sharing with 3 other girls). Even when I tried to hurry, I had trouble keeping tabs on time. And it really started to negatively affect my quality of life. And without that crutch I had to suddenly deal with the head-issues that I was putting off, and it wasn't really the ideal time for that.

 

I still do, sometimes, take a book and escape to the bathroom. But rarely. And especially now that I live in an old Dutch house with one bathroom that is practically outside and shared with 5 other people, I'm very glad I have broken the habit of needing it.

 

I would have someone, maybe Dad, sit down with dss and talk about this. Brainstorm more constructive ways he can get his mental space together in your house. A comfy chair and reading light that is "his space" in an alcove or under the stairs or something. And put a humidity-proof clock in the bathroom. Without the anchor of the numbers on a clock, bathrooms exist in an alternate time dimension for me.

Thank you for this. Very helpful.

[Guest]

Is there a heater in there? I swear, that is the only way for me to thaw out in the winter.

 

Honestly, he's probably just relaxing and procrastinating work.

[gingersmom]

Everyone has annoying habits, this apparently is his.

 

Leave the poor child in peace.

 

He's not using drugs, robbing banks or beating up old ladies.

 

He can come live with me, I have more bathrooms then we need.

[Scarlett]

Is there a heater in there? I swear, that is the only way for me to thaw out in the winter.

 

Honestly, he's probably just relaxing and procrastinating work.

Ha. He is very hot natured. I woke up in the middle of the night a few nights back and he had the AC on in his bedroom. I could feel the blast of freezing air coming down the stairs. I went up and shut it off.

 

We have yet to have the heat on.....when we do though the bathrooms are the hottest rooms in the house. That will drive him out. LOL....seriously he can't take the heat.

[Melissa in Australia]

What I would do is discuss with the whole family in general the grossness of having a phone in the toilet ( YUCK!)

 

And increase fibre for whole family. just chuck bran in with other food nobody will notice, and everyones' movement will improve.

 

 I would not do anything more .......   unless of course he was spending too much time in the shower - we have limited water and that is a serious crime in our house.( Tank water collected from rain it has to be saved from rainy times like winter so we have enough water for the dry summer months)

Edited November 14, 2016 by Melissa in Australia

[Scarlett]

What I would do is discuss with the whole family in general the grossness of having a phone in the toilet ( YUCK!)

 

And increase fibre for whole family. just chuck bran in with other food nobody will notice, and everyones' movement will improve.

 

I would not do anything more ....... unless of course he was spending too much time in the shower - we have limited water and that is a serious crime in our house.( Tank water collected from rain it has to be saved from rainy times like winter so we have enough water for the dry summer months)

There is already a no phone in the bathroom rule for the kids. I dont generally take mine in there because I just got potty and come out. I have really never understood why people think it is so gross though......I assume they aren't using the phone after wiping, before washing. Edited November 14, 2016 by Scarlett

[maize]

There is already a no phone in the bathroom rule for the kids. I dont generally take mine in there because I just got potty and come out. I have really never understood why people think it is so gross though......I assume they aren't using the phone after wiping, before washing.

A person is not likely to get sick from their own fecal matter anyway--everything in there is already present in your body. And we mostly share our gut bacteria with our family members already--their fecal matter isn't likely to make us sick unless they are dealing with an infection of some kind.

 

Mixing with large groups of people is when we're likely to come in contact with fecal matter contaminated with harmful organisms.

 

For your reading pleasure: http://gawker.com/5985723/can-you-eat-your-own-poop

[StephanieZ]

My guess. He's not allowed to have the phone in his bedroom or bathroom. He wants to have the phone in there, because it is private, and he uses the phone (data connection if you have a blocker on your wifi) to access p0rn and, ahem, have some teen-boy alone time. 

 

So, given that assumption, and the reality that with a 16+ year old young man, it is *really* not your place to try to stop those activities (not that I think p0rn is a great thing) . . . 

 

But, anyway, that's what I'd guess is going on. 

 

Personally, I agree with other posters that you should really back completely off about it. 

 

If you want to keep the rule about phone in bath/bed room, then you can, but I'd suggest you consider dropping it and completely removing yourself from this issue.

 

Why do you care how long he spends in the bathroom? 

 

I urge you to "pick your battles" wisely, and his bodily functions and personal habits should really, really not be battles that you choose. 

 

 

I think there is a good chance you are going to really screw this kid up if you keep at it. Please back off. 

 

 

[Scarlett]

My guess. He's not allowed to have the phone in his bedroom or bathroom. He wants to have the phone in there, because it is private, and he uses the phone (data connection if you have a blocker on your wifi) to access p0rn and, ahem, have some teen-boy alone time.

 

So, given that assumption, and the reality that with a 16+ year old young man, it is *really* not your place to try to stop those activities (not that I think p0rn is a great thing) . . .

 

But, anyway, that's what I'd guess is going on.

 

Personally, I agree with other posters that you should really back completely off about it.

 

If you want to keep the rule about phone in bath/bed room, then you can, but I'd suggest you consider dropping it and completely removing yourself from this issue.

 

Why do you care how long he spends in the bathroom?

 

I urge you to "pick your battles" wisely, and his bodily functions and personal habits should really, really not be battles that you choose.

 

 

I think there is a good chance you are going to really screw this kid up if you keep at it. Please back off.

 

I have said about ten times in this thread why I care how long he is in the bathroom. Because we have a day to start and I needed a shower and was waiting on him to be finished with his and I cooked him breakfast that was getting cold. I was annoyed and venting on here while it was going on 4 days ago. I am not harassing him and I am not commenting to him on his bathroom habits other than to say an hour and 15 minutes is too long hurry along so we can get our stuff started. So I am not sure how you think I am screwing him up so bad.

 

And the no phone in the bathroom rule is to encourage both boys to not dawdle in there....but dss will be in there 45 min without his phone. It is irrelevant to me WHAT he is doing....I just need him to not take so long.

 

And if he ends up screwed up I hardly think I should,be the one blamed for it. He came to live here at age 15. I am doing the best I can by him.

[fairfarmhand]

He may just lose track of time in there. I don't know how but two members of my family just take forever to get out. Even without phones.

 

If you're homeschooling him, he probably feels no schedule urgency.

 

So I'd approach it this way: "today we have x y and z happening at x o'clock. To get that done we must start school at x o'clock. Please be put of the bathroom

And ready to go by then.

 

My oldest child was oblivious to breaking things down this way. I had to spell out how to get out the door on time for her. She just never thought of it that way.

 

Also if you need to shower and he is not in the shower yet, go ahead and do what you need to do. If he comments on the lack of hot water, tell him that you waited around for a bit, but had other things to do so you had to get in.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Scarlett]

He may just lose track of time in there. I don't know how but two members of my family just take forever to get out. Even without phones.

 

If you're homeschooling him, he probably feels no schedule urgency.

 

So I'd approach it this way: "today we have x y and z happening at x o'clock. To get that done we must start school at x o'clock. Please be put of the bathroom

And ready to go by then.

 

My oldest child was oblivious to breaking things down this way. I had to spell out how to get out the door on time for her. She just never thought of it that way.

 

Also if you need to shower and he is not in the shower yet, go ahead and do what you need to do. If he comments on the lack of hot water, tell him that you waited around for a bit, but had other things to do so you had to get in.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I have decided I am not going to wait on my own shower for him to finish.

 

I don't how he functioned in his moms house....sharing one bathroom with 3 other teens...one a girl. They all had to leave the house just before 8 and he has told me he got up at 7. But like I said in another post I suspect his pooping time was after school.