Which option would your family choose:

[athomeontheprairie]

Your extended family is 25 people total. For Thanksgiving  there is a reunion planned. This is from Wednesday noon-Friday evening.

 

You want to go. Your family must choose one of these options. There is a member of the family that has terminal cancer and this is (likely) the last family function they will be at.

 

Option 1: More expensive hotel, everyone needs to drive. Rooms are small, no lobby or outside yard. No restaurants in town. Hotel will cook thanksgiving meals. Visit in the dining room with whatever other guests are at the hotel.

 

Option 2: Less expensive hotel. No dining room or lounge at all here. Same distance for all families but one. In a (slightly larger) town. There are some restaurants here.This hotel is 10 miles from a family member's house. They have offered to have the meal at their home. They have a large house, 2 acres for the kids and the dogs. Pool tables and bar for the adults. Family would need to cook the thanksgiving meal.

 

Please ask any questions and I'll try and answer them. Trying to see which option most people prefer

 

 

[athomeontheprairie]

FWIW, only one family (mine, not that it matters) has kids. 4 families will be traveling with dogs

[Beaniemom]

I think having the freedom to visit that having the holiday meal at a relative's house gives would be very important. If the holiday meal was in a public space then time/freedom to visit/talk/play might not be as available.

[myfunnybunch]

My family would prefer option two.

 

I'd also look into scheduling an inexpensive optional family gathering Wednesday eve or Friday daytime, like bowling and pizza or something similar, to give the family another time/place to gather without straining the Thanksgiving hosts.

[Ailaena]

 

I feel like you need space for people to congregate. If you do the less expensive hotel, will people be going to relative's house Wednesday and Friday, as well? If you do the more expensive hotel, would people feel awkward hanging out the dining room for an hour or two to catch up? Or many hours in the case of thanksgiving? Can the kids run around and be social in that hotel?

 

I'd probably go for option 2 just based on town restaurant availability and family menber's space.

[6packofun]

Option 2.  Is the family member offering to host things at their home the one with terminal cancer?  I assume not, so are they close to one another?  I'd be thinking all about keeping that particular family member comfortable and a home just says comfort to me way more than a hotel.  Agreeing with myfunnybunch about having everyone pitch in to help take the burden off the host family!

[regentrude]

It would be a no brainer: option 2. I would always prefer Thanksgiving at a family's house. I hate hotels and imagine Thanksgiving at a hotel and visiting with family in hotel rooms soul crushing.

Edited October 5, 2016 by regentrude

[3 ladybugs]

Having had cancer, what does the person who has cancer want? Are they on severe dietary restrictions? Is one closer for them so they wouldn't have to travel as far? To me that is the MOST important person of this trip. Even you with kids or those with dogs come in second and third. 

[QueenCat]

FWIW, only one family (mine, not that it matters) has kids. 4 families will be traveling with dogs

 

Have you checked with both hotels to see if dogs are allowed? Few hotels allow them.

[sassenach]

Can I add option C, rent a vacation home? Otherwise, option 2 for sure.

[athomeontheprairie]

Can I add option C, rent a vacation home? Otherwise, option 2 for sure.

Not an option. Rural living. Every available home has (literally) been booked for a solid 6th months. We had one booked. Then there was a house fire, and now we don't

[73349]

I'd hate to have Thanksgiving dinner in a hotel restaurant. Definitely option 2.

[SKL]

Assuming reasonably healthy family dynamics, I think I would prefer dinner at the home of the relative who offered.

[AmandaVT]

Our family would prefer option B. 

[athomeontheprairie]

Having had cancer, what does the person who has cancer want? Are they on severe dietary restrictions? Is one closer for them so they wouldn't have to travel as far? To me that is the MOST important person of this trip. Even you with kids or those with dogs come in second and third.

For everyone who is not the family member offering it is 218 miles to either location. For the family offering the home it is 95 miles to the hotel in option 1.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Ok I feel like this is a trick question.  The second choice seems like a no brainer so is the "problem" that the family doesn't want to cook Thanksgiving dinner for the visitors? 

 

 

[athomeontheprairie]

Having had cancer, what does the person who has cancer want? Are they on severe dietary restrictions? Is one closer for them so they wouldn't have to travel as far? To me that is the MOST important person of this trip. Even you with kids or those with dogs come in second and third.

same distance for this person. In option 2 there is a (small hospital). The large regional hospital is 7 miles closer to option 1. (But still 70 miles away) this town doesn't have a hospital-and the closet one is smaller than the one on the town of option 2 Edited October 5, 2016 by athomeontheprairie

[maize]

I would choose option 2.

[Guest]

I picked option 2. For me to be around 25 relatives it would require a hotel with a very nice, open late bar. Since that wasn't an option I went with the day at a house that offered room to roam and a bar. 

Edited October 5, 2016 by texasmom33

[bettyandbob]

Option 2 with the caveat that everyone understand all will be contributing to the day at the one family member's house.

[gardenmom5]

I'd do the meal at family member's house.

 

I say that as someone who came loath and despise thanksgiving because it was at my house every year. for 25 years.  (after I refused to host, my sil, who has a much larger house and no kids at home, - and other sil to help, decided the family didn't need to get together for thanksgiving after all.)

[Janeway]

I went with Thanksgiving at a house, assuming that house is not mine. When you stay at a hotel, it can be difficult to visit with each other. When you are relying on restaurants for meals, it is difficult on the children. They do not want to sit at a table for two hours while the adults visit. Things are better and more laid back at someone's home.

[TravelingChris]

I chose option 2 because there is much more to do at the person's house than at the expensive hotel.  From the money saved by less expensive hotel, the non hosting people should be contributing a lot to the family meal.

 

 

We had to spend a Thanksgiving at a hotel once when we were moving cross-country.  We decided to visit the Grand Canyon and ate a very nice meal at the nicest restaurant there.  It was very nice.

[FaithManor]

I voted hotel because I don't do well with 25 in my home. It is too congested and our second bathroom is not yet finished. I have also found that in a group that size two or three people will do all the work while the rest stand around. At least that is what happens in my extended family. So my mom, sister, and I work our hides off for everyone else, and then do all the clean up after. We are completely exhausted. A few years ago we started saying, "NO." We thought others would step up. But no. So there is no big family Thanksgiving or Christmas now.

[Miss Tick]

Can you order all or part of the big meal from a near-to-the-house grocery store? Then everybody can criticize the dry, flavorless turkey without offending anyone, and save compliments for Aunt Vera's Orange Whip Salad. I mean if no one is fired up to cook all the meals for 25.

[athomeontheprairie]

Can you order all or part of the big meal from a near-to-the-house grocery store? Then everybody can criticize the dry, flavorless turkey without offending anyone, and save compliments for Aunt Vera's Orange Whip Salad. I mean if no one is fired up to cook all the meals for 25.

Hotel 1 had a small kitchen in the suites (not the normal rooms) no grocer in town. Town 2 has a small grocer. No cooked food/deli here. They do have a bakery.

[Farrar]

Option 2 assuming that's not the family with an immediate family member with cancer...

[athomeontheprairie]

Having had cancer, what does the person who has cancer want? Are they on severe dietary restrictions? Is one closer for them so they wouldn't have to travel as far? To me that is the MOST important person of this trip. Even you with kids or those with dogs come in second and third.

I missed this earlier. Agreed. He is absolutely the most important. No question.

[Joyofsixreboot]

2

[Mbelle]

Look into hiring a meal finishing and serving/clean up for the big meal.  We have done that before with huge family gatherings.  It's usually 2 people for 4 hours.  Sometimes it is college students and sometimes wait/service staff.  With cost split between family members it was affordable and way cheaper than eating out.

[athomeontheprairie]

Ok I feel like this is a trick question.  The second choice seems like a no brainer so is the "problem" that the family doesn't want to cook Thanksgiving dinner for the visitors? 

 

I feel like it should be a trick question. But alas, it isn't.

 

We had a house booked that could easily accomadate us. We've done this before. However, the house caught fire a couple weeks ago and we needed to change plans.

 

My cousin (out of state) found this hotel. It's so little, that my family of 6 will need to purchase 2 rooms. Since we can't afford that, we already told them we would be going down for the day, but not staying. We aren't opposed to going down for two days and just driving home every night (I didn't give mileage, we aren't far from either location). As an alternative my parents offered their house after checking in the next town over to see if the hotel had space. Everyone else would prefer to go to the hotel. My parents are really offended. So offended that unless something changes they are only going for the day. :(

 

It makes me wonder if my mom really had the good relationship with her sisters that I saw growing up. They talked daily on the phone and visited often. Then, 5 years ago, my parents moved away (to move closer to me/grandbabies) and her sisters don't come ever, though they certainly could. Not coming for the holidays is very hurtful.

 

The hive gives great advice and often "sees" things in ways I didn't originally see that I thought maybe I was missing something.

[Crimson Wife]

Ok I feel like this is a trick question.  The second choice seems like a no brainer so is the "problem" that the family doesn't want to cook Thanksgiving dinner for the visitors? 

 

Is there a semi-catered option? I know the local Honeybaked Ham does turkey roast & ham Thanksgiving dinners with all the sides that people can just pick up and then reheat the next day.

 

[Katy]

Catered meals and a hotel with a large indoor pool is what my family typically opts for.  Try the larger grocery store catering desks and see if that's a price-reasonable option.  Last time we priced it out, them catering cost less than it was going to cost to buy all the ingredients and make it ourselves, plus less work.

 

Having said that, what the person with cancer and their immediate family wants would be the deciding factor in our family.

[regentrude]

I. As an alternative my parents offered their house after checking in the next town over to see if the hotel had space. Everyone else would prefer to go to the hotel. My parents are really offended. So offended that unless something changes they are only going for the day. :(

 

So do I understand it correctly that the prospective hosts would prefer to host, but the people who would be the prospective guests under this scenario prefer to be at the hotel? How bizarre.

I can see not wanting to host 25 people (even though I'd still fat prefer that to a hotel) - but not wanting to come as  a guest???

Edited October 5, 2016 by regentrude

[EmilyGF]

I went to Thanksgiving at a hotel once and it was SOOOOO depressing. 

 

Never doing that again if I can avoid it.

 

Emily

[athomeontheprairie]

Catered meals and a hotel with a large indoor pool is what my family typically opts for. Try the larger grocery store catering desks and see if that's a price-reasonable option. Last time we priced it out, them catering cost less than it was going to cost to buy all the ingredients and make it ourselves, plus less work.

 

Having said that, what the person with cancer and their immediate family wants would be the deciding factor in our family.

only option one would have a catered meal. neither hotel has a pool

[athomeontheprairie]

So do I understand it correctly that the prospective hosts would prefer to host, but the people who would be the prospective guests under this scenario prefer to be at the hotel? How bizarre.

I can see not wanting to host 25 people (even though I'd still fat prefer that to a hotel) - but not wanting to come as a guest???

Correct. and I'm also thinking it's bizarre.

[Arcadia]

As an alternative my parents offered their house after checking in the next town over to see if the hotel had space. Everyone else would prefer to go to the hotel. My parents are really offended.

We had a weird scenario many years ago. A lady friend bought a short sale townhouse from her landlord and invited us for her housewarming party, no food/gifts required but RSVP required. A couple who are mutual friends with us, did not go and never RSVP. They did not visit this lady until a few years later when they bought their home. As in right after they closed on their home they finally visited her.

We are not sure if the couple was jealous or whatever but it was weird in a sad way.

 

My extended family would have choose some big tall hotel because there are so many of us but given your choices, we would have choose option 2 and just pay for catering. Whenever my aunts host, we catered and whatever my aunts wanted to cook was extras.

[displace]

I feel like it should be a trick question. But alas, it isn't.

 

 

My cousin (out of state) found this hotel. It's so little, that my family of 6 will need to purchase 2 rooms. Since we can't afford that, we already told them we would be going down for the day, but not staying. We aren't opposed to going down for two days and just driving home every night (I didn't give mileage, we aren't far from either location). As an alternative my parents offered their house after checking in the next town over to see if the hotel had space. Everyone else would prefer to go to the hotel. My parents are really offended. So offended that unless something changes they are only going for the day. :(

 

 

 

The hive gives great advice and often "sees" things in ways I didn't originally see that I thought maybe I was missing something.

Maybe the refusal to stay with your parents has more to do with the people traveling than your parents? Personally, I dislike staying at people's homes (even close relatives) except my own parents. It has to do with me and my personality more than my relatives. Idk if your family is similar too. It's uncomfortable for me to refuse an offer of hospitality, but the reality is that I'd usually rather stay at a hotel for personal reasons. Edited October 6, 2016 by displace

[PeachyDoodle]

I would prefer the option of Thanksgiving in someone's home -- provided there is actually room to cook the meal there. We have a similar gathering of our large extended family at the holidays, and I can't imagine trying to cook the entire meal in one kitchen. We are mostly local (out-of-towners who are too far to drive in for the day stay with locals) so my mom hosts at her home, but everyone brings dishes pot-luck style. It's challenging enough just to re-heat things that need it and find space for everything on the counters. It is not a small kitchen by any means -- lots of counter space and a double oven, plus microwave.

 

Obviously, if most guests are staying in a hotel, cooking will be difficult. If your family likes a simpler meal and/or you're okay with ordering some things from a bakery or restaurant, it might not be an issue. Just something to consider.

[athomeontheprairie]

Maybe the refusal to stay with your parents has more to do with the people traveling than your parents? Personally, I dislike staying at people's homes (even close relatives) except my own parents. It has to do with me and my personality more than my relatives. Idk if your family is similar too. It's uncomfortable for me to refuse an offer of hospitality, but the reality is that I'd usually rather stay at a hotel for personal reasons.

Yes, I understand. I did however mean that people would stay on the hotel 10 minutes from my parents and just go to the house for the day. Was that clear? Does that change your response? You still have a hotel room either way

[heartlikealion]

I voted option 2. I am not used to family reunions lasting days so I would probably feel put out to spend money on a hotel for a few days and definitely opt for a cheaper one with restaurant options for my family to use during our stay. Having the meal at a family member's house would seem ideal compared to a restaurant. Leisurely visit, not worried about holding up wait staff, etc. I did meet up with family out of state once around a holiday and we ate in either a restaurant or hotel. It was done in a private room I think because we were not surrounded by other guests. It was not soul crushing (LOL) but I can see how that reaction could be triggered. Especially eating on the actual holiday.

 

I'd want to contribute if I was a guest and would feel that despite the distance there might be a way (buy a pie or supply drinks or paper goods for example). I wouldn't mind if the host bought the meal from somewhere else, either (some grocery stores sell them).

 

What is everyone going to do the other days they are in town? Why stay for 3 days unless there are designated meeting places? Will they rotate restaurants to meet up at or visit each other's hotels? I don't understand how it would work. Or would they visit at that family member's house the whole time? I would feel like we were imposing if we were in and out of the home for three days.

 

Could it be some families without pets have allergies/don't want to be around animals and therefore don't want to be "stuck" at the house with everyone and their dogs all afternoon?

 

[displace]

Yes, I understand. I did however mean that people would stay on the hotel 10 minutes from my parents and just go to the house for the day. Was that clear? Does that change your response? You still have a hotel room either way

I voted option 2 so the new info didn't change my vote. I misunderstood and I thought the relatives were just refusing to stay at your parents overnight, not that they didn't want to have a meal there at all. That sounds awesome and if they are staying at a hotel nearby it should be the easiest option.