Annoyed....

[fairfarmhand]

Yes, I have a college aged kid. She's driving me BONKERS.

 

She knows everything. She criticizes things she has no business commenting on. She just needs to go out and get an apartment and join the real world and get out of my hair.

 

I know it shouldn't be something I take personally.

 

 

But GAH! Good grief.

 

She's a good kid and I love her to pieces. But this awkward age is making me INSANE!

[ikslo]

Imma gonna go call my mom and apologize for the college-age me...

[Bambam]

Yep. I hear you. I've got one. People seem to think I shouldn't want her to head off to college. Wrong. I'm ready for her to leave. She'll understand more when real life happens.

 

And, seriously, I don't think I'm the world's biggest hoarder if I have two whisks. It's okay. One is big and one is small. Go save a whale or something.

 

Getting a job helped. I should have made her do that years ago!

Edited July 18, 2016 by Bambam

[Guest]

Oh yes. When it's time for them to leave the nest, it's TIME. I've been there, done that. When my twins turned 18, it was time for them to leave. I have a current 18yo, and it's time for him to go. My 16yo is quickly approaching that time. Not that I don't love those boys to pieces, but yeah... we each need our own space. Sending them AWAY for college was the absolute right choice.

Edited July 18, 2016 by Kinsa

[Hyacinth]

Yep. I hear you. I've got one. People seem to think I shouldn't want her to head off to college. Wrong. I'm ready for her to leave. She'll understand more when real life happens.

 

And, seriously, I don't think I'm the world's biggest hoarder if I have two whisks. It's okay. One is big and one is small. Go save a whale or something.

 

Getting a job helped. I should have made her do that years ago!

 

This made me laugh!

[Mom25girls]

I'm feeling frightened now. At the end of this month, my recent college graduate will be traveling 17 hours home to live here until...umm...after she takes entrance exams and goes to graduate school. Whenever that is...Gosh...My daughter is one of my best friends and I respect her dearly but the dynamics of our home have changed since she moved out (4 years ago). Oh....Deep breaths...

[BlsdMama]

A friend was talking me to the other day about her late teen daughters and said,  "Fly the nest little bird.  Fly! Fly!" 

 

I thought it was pretty cute.  Just think if they stayed so sweet, compliant, loving, sacrificial, we'd want to keep them forever.... This way? Less so.  :D

[Guest]

 

 

And, seriously, I don't think I'm the world's biggest hoarder if I have two whisks. It's okay. One is big and one is small. Go save a whale or something.

 

 

 

 

:lol:  :lol:  :lol:

[fairfarmhand]

And yes, I was stupid and got sucked into the drama and debate.

 

Grrr.....

[J-rap]

Very intense children are more difficult at any age, but I think even more so in their late teens/early-mid 20's!  

[fraidycat]

Yep. I hear you. I've got one. People seem to think I shouldn't want her to head off to college. Wrong. I'm ready for her to leave. She'll understand more when real life happens.

 

And, seriously, I don't think I'm the world's biggest hoarder if I have two whisks. It's okay. One is big and one is small. Go save a whale or something.

 

Getting a job helped. I should have made her do that years ago!

:lol: :lol:

[Tiberia]

"Honey, this friction between us convinces me that you're ready to go out and be an adult on your own. We want to have an adult to adult relationship with you, and we can't do that while you're living in our home, under our rules, in our structure. We're setting you free. Please feel free to come over for dinner frequently. Congratulations! We love you. I'll help you pack." 

Edited July 18, 2016 by Tiberia

[Saddlemomma]

My eldest is going to be 26.  She's all done with college. 

 

However.....during college she became the smartest person on the earth, and we became the dumbest.  Not only that, but we couldn't remember anything because she was constantly relaying horrifying things we "supposedly" did to her that neither DH or I could recall. Must be we had subjective collective memory loss (is that a thing?).

 

Now we are considered merely ignorant; not totally stupid, and she has actually called me several times to tell me, "Well Mom, remember when you told me ...........and I scoffed at you?  Well, you were right."  Oh, how I love those calls!  They are precious to me, probably because it indicates I had a spark of intelligence at some point in my life with her.

 

Oh how I love that kid  :001_smile:

[OhanaBee]

The child who spent her teen years stating that she couldn't wait to get out of the house and be an ADULT because she would do it so much better than everyone else......is now complaining about how hard it is to be an adult.  And no one understands.  She has to pay BILLS, people! 

 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

[Prairie~Phlox]

I totally agree with you.

[dirty ethel rackham]

"Honey, this friction between us convinces me that you're ready to go out and be an adult on your own. We want to have an adult to adult relationship with you, and we can't do that while you're living in our home, under our rules, in our structure. We're setting you free. Please feel free to come over for dinner frequently. Congratulations! We love you. I'll help you pack." 

 

This is my fantasy.  I think I have this imaginary conversation every day in the shower.  But, the reality of a mentally ill adult child makes this a pipe dream. 

Edited July 18, 2016 by dirty ethel rackham

[hornblower]

so I'm guessing this is a JAWM? 

[Tiberia]

This is my fantasy.  I think I have this imaginary conversation every day in the shower.  But, the reality of a mentally ill adult child makes this a pipe dream. 

So sorry for your circumstances. It's hard enough with a mentally stable child. You're a great mom.

[TranquilMind]

Yes, I have a college aged kid. She's driving me BONKERS.

 

She knows everything. She criticizes things she has no business commenting on. She just needs to go out and get an apartment and join the real world and get out of my hair.

 

I know it shouldn't be something I take personally.

 

 

But GAH! Good grief.

 

She's a good kid and I love her to pieces. But this awkward age is making me INSANE!

 

Right there with you.  It's really hard.  Harder than having young children, emotionally and mentally (though not physically). 

 

[TranquilMind]

My eldest is going to be 26.  She's all done with college. 

 

However.....during college she became the smartest person on the earth, and we became the dumbest.  Not only that, but we couldn't remember anything because she was constantly relaying horrifying things we "supposedly" did to her that neither DH or I could recall. Must be we had subjective collective memory loss (is that a thing?).

 

Now we are considered merely ignorant; not totally stupid, and she has actually called me several times to tell me, "Well Mom, remember when you told me ...........and I scoffed at you?  Well, you were right."  Oh, how I love those calls!  They are precious to me, probably because it indicates I had a spark of intelligence at some point in my life with her.

 

Oh how I love that kid  :001_smile:

Yours waited until college?  Lucky you!  ;)

 

I've been the dumbest person ever since high school started.  Except once in awhile, when I magically know things.  And oh yes, the rewritten history. 

 

Waiting for those "You were right" calls.  I've heard it once or twice in person from one.  That's something.

[Tap]

Combining this with your other post, it sounds like you and dd need some space.  I would encourage her to move to the dorms for fall, even if you need to help finance it a bit.

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

My mom always said that kids get difficult, so you will be okay with them moving out. Otherwise you would want them to be home forever. LOL 

[mamiof5]

Oh boy! Not sure I'd be able to tolerate that. I know they are growing, which is perfectly fine. But, there has to be respect. Not sure if I'd have patience for that type of attitude :(

 

Good luck!!

[Guest]

I know a guy who is a neural biologist and he told me something one time that made it all clear, at least as re: boys. 

 

Boys' pheromenes change as they become adults.  And the research shows that it is almost universally true that the new pheromenes are repulsive...to their mothers!  It's part of the way we are made so that sons and mothers don't get overly attached, so the son will go find a mate and form a new home.  

 

I thought that was hilarious...and dang, it's true at our house.  :0)  

 

But I don't know a darned thing about girls and their pheromenes.  

[cjzimmer1]

Very intense children are more difficult at any age, but I think even more so in their late teens/early-mid 20's!  

 

I hope that won't be our case.  Mine has finally been tolerable since about age 16 when he finally started to realize that everything does go his way.  He won't be moving out for college so the thought of reverting to previous behavior is daunting.  I've actually liked him the last 2 years.  Hoping that will continue for the next 4.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Yours waited until college?  Lucky you!  ;)

 

I've been the dumbest person ever since high school started.  Except once in awhile, when I magically know things.  And oh yes, the rewritten history. 

 

Waiting for those "You were right" calls.  I've heard it once or twice in person from one.  That's something.

Moms are only the dumbest people until their offspring need to find something.  Of course, the fact that the missing item can't be found by anyone but Mom is still Mom's fault.  Once said item is found, Mom goes back to being the dumbest. 

[fairfarmhand]

Combining this with your other post, it sounds like you and dd need some space.  I would encourage her to move to the dorms for fall, even if you need to help finance it a bit.

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

My mom always said that kids get difficult, so you will be okay with them moving out. Otherwise you would want them to be home forever. LOL 

 

I totally agree. Space is a good thing.

 

A biggie here is that all her friends are travelling or working this summer, so she's not had enough social interaction. So she's walking around thinking of things to be unhappy about.

 

I MEAN ALL. Every parent I know with kids close to my dd's age has them otherwise occupied this summer.

[gardenmom5]

this too shall pass.

 

I think the more  annoying they are, the more satisfying it is when reality comes a knockin'.

[fairfarmhand]

As a side note, how long does it take intense kids to grow out of the "I'm unhappy with some other aspect of my life so I'm going to make mountains out of molehills about other stuff. "

 

It's so hard. I know she's annoyed that she's not gotten to hang out like she wanted to this summer. I know she's frustrated that her best friends all moved away over the last couple years. I know it stunk that we had a rough year with her granddad dying and all. But doggone it. Don't pick a fight over other stuff because it's been difficult!

[jjeepa]

 

 

And, seriously, I don't think I'm the world's biggest hoarder if I have two whisks. It's okay. One is big and one is small. Go save a whale or something.

 

 

 

This!!   :laugh:

[Ailaena]

 

I just really, really want to thank you for this thread because until today, I was pretty sure it was just me that found this to be a... Trying age <3

 

Her teenage years were perfectly wonderful, so this kind of hit me like a brick right upside the head :p

[gardenmom5]

Yep. I hear you. I've got one. People seem to think I shouldn't want her to head off to college. Wrong. I'm ready for her to leave. She'll understand more when real life happens.

 

And, seriously, I don't think I'm the world's biggest hoarder if I have two whisks. It's okay. One is big and one is small. Go save a whale or something.

 

Getting a job helped. I should have made her do that years ago!

 

the summer before 1dd started college . . . I went back and forth between "she'll never be ready" to "when.  is.  she.   leaving!?!?!?"

she made me nuts.  she wanted independence, but she also wanted her mommy.

she now owns her own home. finally.   really related to the commerical of the parents whose son is "through college, and medical school, and residency, and his first few years of private practice. . . "  he's looking at houses, and is very unsure. to everyone they say "WE LIKE IT"!

I'm feeling frightened now. At the end of this month, my recent college graduate will be traveling 17 hours home to live here until...umm...after she takes entrance exams and goes to graduate school. Whenever that is...Gosh...My daughter is one of my best friends and I respect her dearly but the dynamics of our home have changed since she moved out (4 years ago). Oh....Deep breaths...

hugs

 

A friend was talking me to the other day about her late teen daughters and said,  "Fly the nest little bird.  Fly! Fly!" 

 

I thought it was pretty cute.  Just think if they stayed so sweet, compliant, loving, sacrificial, we'd want to keep them forever.... This way? Less so.   :D

like an eagle. the line their nests and make them very soft for the young.  then they remove all the lining and what's left a sticks pointing inwards so they'll leave.

 

This is my fantasy.  I think I have this imaginary conversation every day in the shower.  But, the reality of a mentally ill adult child makes this a pipe dream. 

:grouphug:   I've a friend in the same  boat with her oldest.  it's hard- you have a hard job.

 

I know a guy who is a neural biologist and he told me something one time that made it all clear, at least as re: boys. 

 

Boys' pheromenes change as they become adults.  And the research shows that it is almost universally true that the new pheromenes are repulsive...to their mothers!  It's part of the way we are made so that sons and mothers don't get overly attached, so the son will go find a mate and form a new home.  

 

I thought that was hilarious...and dang, it's true at our house.  :0)  

 

But I don't know a darned thing about girls and their pheromenes.  

 

when 1dd was this age - I had to run interference whenever she and dh talked to each other.  I felt like I was the referee in a boxing ring.  now they have a great relationship.

[Guest]

As a side note, how long does it take intense kids to grow out of the "I'm unhappy with some other aspect of my life so I'm going to make mountains out of molehills about other stuff. "

 

It's so hard. I know she's annoyed that she's not gotten to hang out like she wanted to this summer. I know she's frustrated that her best friends all moved away over the last couple years. I know it stunk that we had a rough year with her granddad dying and all. But doggone it. Don't pick a fight over other stuff because it's been difficult!

 

Hopefully she will grow out of it, but I know several adult women who are like this. Maybe she will make some new friends at school who will help pull her out of it. Could it be nerves about school too?

[Seasider]

Yep. I hear you. I've got one. People seem to think I shouldn't want her to head off to college. Wrong. I'm ready for her to leave. She'll understand more when real life happens.

 

And, seriously, I don't think I'm the world's biggest hoarder if I have two whisks. It's okay. One is big and one is small. Go save a whale or something.

 

Getting a job helped. I should have made her do that years ago!

 

"Go save a whale or something."

:smilielol5:  :smilielol5:  :smilielol5:  :smilielol5:  :smilielol5:  :smilielol5:

 

I am definitely adding that to my verbal repertoire.

 

OP, I hear you. It's like the last three weeks of a full term pregnancy. You want to love and hold that baby but at the same time all you can think is get! out!

[Seasider]

Very intense children are more difficult at any age, but I think even more so in their late teens/early-mid 20's!  

 

It seems hardly fair that this often runs concurrent with perimenopause. 

[OhanaBee]

It seems hardly fair that this often runs concurrent with perimenopause. 

 

YES. :angry: :angry:

[ktgrok]

As a side note, how long does it take intense kids to grow out of the "I'm unhappy with some other aspect of my life so I'm going to make mountains out of molehills about other stuff. "

 

It's so hard. I know she's annoyed that she's not gotten to hang out like she wanted to this summer. I know she's frustrated that her best friends all moved away over the last couple years. I know it stunk that we had a rough year with her granddad dying and all. But doggone it. Don't pick a fight over other stuff because it's been difficult!

 

Could she be depressed? Finding fault in everything can be a big symptom. And depressed people are SO hard to live with. My husband was on meds previously,and probably should be back on them. He's trying hard not to, but man, when he's walking around doing these big sighs and getting annoyed at everything I want to start sneaking him antidepressants in his food. 

 

Either way though, I totally understand. There is a reason kids around that age used to move out and start their own lives/families/etc. Ugh. I so so so feel you. 

[ktgrok]

I tell my son all the time that he and I will be great friends once he moves out. Not so much while he's here. 

[The Girls' Mom]

A friend was talking me to the other day about her late teen daughters and said,  "Fly the nest little bird.  Fly! Fly!" 

 

So. Much. Yes.   :lol:  :lol:  :lol: 

 

 

[gardenmom5]

As a side note, how long does it take intense kids to grow out of the "I'm unhappy with some other aspect of my life so I'm going to make mountains out of molehills about other stuff. "

 

It's so hard. I know she's annoyed that she's not gotten to hang out like she wanted to this summer. I know she's frustrated that her best friends all moved away over the last couple years. I know it stunk that we had a rough year with her granddad dying and all. But doggone it. Don't pick a fight over other stuff because it's been difficult!

 

mine hasn't. yet.  there are chemical issues and after years of runaround trying to figure things out, and antidepressants (didn't work), etc. we're finallly making progress.  adrenal fatigue is the latest (24 hr saliva test) so treated for that and thyroid (borderline).  same anxiety protocol dudeling is on after years of headbutting - and *finally* life seems to be getting better.

[Guest]

"Honey, this friction between us convinces me that you're ready to go out and be an adult on your own. We want to have an adult to adult relationship with you, and we can't do that while you're living in our home, under our rules, in our structure. We're setting you free. Please feel free to come over for dinner frequently. Congratulations! We love you. I'll help you pack."

This is a nice way to frame it!

[J-rap]

I hope that won't be our case.  

 

Oh, but they are also wonderfully complex and fascinating individuals!

[Spryte]

Very intense children are more difficult at any age, but I think even more so in their late teens/early-mid 20's!

Noooooooo. I was so hoping that very intense kids = easier late teens/early 20s.

[gardenmom5]

Noooooooo. I was so hoping that very intense kids = easier late teens/early 20s.

 

it varies.  easy baby/small child - VERY intense teen/young adult.

intense baby - so easy going people didn't believe me.

and my "once there was a girl with a little curl, right in the middle of her forehead.  when she was good she was very very good, and we she was bad she was horrid."  it about the same . . . .

I'm hoping dudeling will get easier . . . I'm not holding my breath.