Rant against some of the homeschool community culture and values. I'm venting.......

[Hillary in KS]

OK, I'm standing by my "just wear a wig until the end of the year opinion from my earlier post. I still think that's a simple option.

 

BUT!!! I reread the OP and realized I'd missed where they asked him to flatten it down or cut it back.

 

This changes it for me. They're not asking him to get rid of it, or quit the co-op. If not making it spiky one morning a week is all it will take to make them happy, then why not do it?

 

It's just a little thing. "Ds, I 'love you, and I think the mohawk is a good look for you. But it bothers some of these people in the group. They'd rather you not spike it when you're in math. So please just leave it down, and then you can spike it when we get home."

 

It's not a big deal. No need to encourage ds to be all up in arms about judgementalism and narrow-mindedness, and "Poor me. I'm being discriminated against." Sometimes we have to teach our dc to be thoughtful of other people and just say, "Oh well!"

 

Being judgemental of them for not liking spiky hair (and labelling them as narrow-minded, prideful, etc.) is just as bad as being judgemental of a boy who has spiky hair (and labelling him rebellious, moronic, etc.).

 

Were it my son, I'd encourage him to not buy into the victim game, and not purposefully prick other people just for the sake of his "rights" and wear his hair down for a couple of hours. (Or wear a wig. I still like the wig idea.)

[Renee in NC]

You know, I don't have any evidence of that at all. So forgive me for offending the Mohawk lovers!!

 

I have not ever met anyone over 18 who think they are anything but ugly so I based my opinion on that. But now I have!! PTL!

 

I really didn't expect the majority of this board to agree with me. I am good with that, most people don't agree with my parenting either, but they sure believe all my kids are unbelievable,and there must be something in the water at my house because all their permissive parenting doesn't turn out quite the same result. And it couldn't be how I raise them. So it stands to reason that child centered parenting doesn't reflect the same beliefs as my parenting philosophy. But then we are not all clones are we??? And thanks to the sweet emails I received about my answer. You saw the heart of it. OOh I am grumpy now. Nite Nite dear ones.

 

 

Guess what? I get comments all the time about my dc and how great they are, but I don't presume that it is because of my superior parenting skills. My 5yo got tons of great comments when he had a mohawk, so I don't know where the idea comes from that everyone hates mohawks. I know that when I didn't interact with people other than through my fundamentalist church and the ultra conservative message board I belonged to, I had a lot of wrong notions about the world, too.

[Renee in NC]

Soph has a opinions on where the line is drawn; others have expressed that the line should be drawn at clean or insect-free hair. That's my point. Most people draw a line somewhere. You can't call someone judgemental just because they draw their line at a different place than you would

 

It becomes judgemental when they apply their standard (their line) to someone else and respond with disdain when someone allows something they wouldn't.

[jmgconner]

Hmmm, interesting discussion. That's the only way I can put it nicely.

 

Joanne, I'm sad for the situation. I agree with those that say let your son decide to keep the mohawk and go elsewhere or cut his hair and stay.

 

I'm also sad, and a bit mad, that some of you would not let your children be friends with my DS. He has a nice clean cut hairstyle, is respectful, and loves God. But you know, he's tired of his current hairstyle and is ready to go back to his blue mohawk. He's not rebelling. He's not doing it to irritate adults. He's not doing it to conform to this world. He doing it because he likes his hair that way.

[Joanne]

So do they have a dress code or not? I don't see where you've answered this.

 

If they do, you should abide by their rules.

 

If they don't, I don't think they should be changing their rules as the year progresses.

 

Um. I have a life beyond the WTM message board. I posted, the kids went to TKD, baseball practice, to the baseball fields getting stuff together for Sports Fest tomorrow. I went to work.

 

The organization has a policy of "conservative dress", and is explicit in saying "polo shirts" which we complied with without question.

 

Hair styles were not delineated at all.

 

 

On the other hand, great learning experience for him. His choice to have a mohawk shouldn't make any difference in the world. But in the world we live in, it does. He gets a fairly gentle introduction into the very grown-up world of self-presentation and prejudice. His choices about his appearance do affect how he is perceived, and he gets to learn how to navigate those choices in the relatively safe world that you're able to provide for him. They're wrong, sort of, but he gets to choose how to deal with their unfair preconceptions.

 

If any parent can walk him through his choices non-judgmentally, I know you can! I hope it's not too difficult a process for you both. :grouphug:

 

(BTW: this may not be where you want to go with this, but the FIRST place my mind goes is racial and ethnic prejudice. Your son's haircut was his choice; he has a degree of control over people's perception of him, even when they are disposed wrongly to judge people's appearance. Imagine when you can't control others' perception of you. Imagine when you can't change your skin color or accent or whatever it is that makes people judge you wrongly. That'd be another interesting conversation to have with him.)

 

Terrific post! Thank you!

 

I agree with you. I think mohawks look stupid. I think they're embarrassing. Excessive piercings and too many tats to me just scream "Look at me, I don't get enough attention, I'm not secure." I'd really be concerned if one of mine wanted something like that.

 

It's *hair*. It's dead cells. It's not accurate to read anything into a hair style. You can't look at a short, neat, clean cut and assume conservative, reasonable, modest. It, in actuality, represents nothing.

 

He has the hawk because he's 13 and it's fun. It's a leap to assume a hawk is a gateway drug for "excessive piercings or tats (which are illegal at his age, anyway).

 

 

And I will tell you why:

when I was a teen in the 80s, mohawks reminded me of the bands like (I know I am going to get this wrong), Queen, White Fang, anything that had like rebellious people.

When I see a mohawk, I see a rebellious kid and I don't want my kids around them.

 

I believe that if my child is representing Christ, he must avoid all appearance of evil (I Thess 5:22). If I go to a country and they believe that the color red is evil, and I know this, wouldn't it be disrespectful to say to those who believe that "Hey, I am a good person, my walk is strong, I have a right to dress the way I want". Although all of that may be true, I am not living as Christ would have me to live. I am not reflecting the love of Christ which is one of caring for the feelings of others. Yes, I may think I deserve the same treatment and the people who believe that red is evil should show me the same, but the truth is, Christ will judge them, and you for how you behave, not how you should have been treated.

 

The mohawk in itself is harmless, even if I think it looks ugly as does most of the country, but it does bring to mind rebellion. And I don't think that is the way we glorify God, by giving the appearance of rebellion. I would be appalled if people thought the way I wear my hair spoke of rebellion against society, Christianity or the SPCA, it wouldn't matter, I have to look and think of what my witness is, what it looks like to unbelievers and believers alike. Only in doing that do I represent Christ. He is not one who ran around with the crowd doing all the latest fads that I am sure were around even then, maybe the way they saddled their camels or tied their beards back, who knows? Plato or Aristotle, I can't remember which lamented in his generation of the rebellious youth with little regard for polite society.

 

Look at the purpose of the mohawk, is it to stand out? we are not to draw attention to ourselves with our outward appearance, but with a humble and Christlike life.

Is it to irritatate adults? We are told to honor our elders

Is it to lead others to Christ? If he were in a country or area where he was a missionary and it was to fit in then fine, but at a Christian Co-Op?

 

Is it just to see how it would look? Hey, my son's best friend did it for a big Boy Scout campout, that was fine, we took pictures, but it came off before church because in his heart he knew it would be dishonoring God to not go into His house looking his best.

 

I am sure your child is great, but truthfully, unless he had like a specific temporary purpose that was for fun (like the Indian Dance my son's friend had to perform that weekend), I am not sure I would want my kids to have more than a passing association with him because he has the appearance of rebellion. Mohawks are associated with the world, we are told to "come out from among them, and be ye separate.." (2 Cor. 6:17).

In conclusion, my point being that although a mohawk in itself is not a sin, it could be construed as a heart that is susceptible to a sinful life. The whole appearance of evil thing again.

 

Alright, let me have it for not espousing individualism, judging outward appearances etc. I am prepared when I speak from my heart and truth.

 

I really mean this to help, not to be harsh, I hope you will take it in the manner which my heart is speaking to you and your son,who is precious to you.

 

This was an incredibly hurtful, inaccurate, judgemental post.

 

My son and I are both believers. Strong, active, believers. I don't worship the same Jesus you do.

 

I have only read a couple of pages of the posts so maybe I am repeating someone else.

Isn't it great that God looks at the heart and not on man's outward appearance? Wouldn't it be great if we could do the same.

If your son's mohawk is a heart issue (rebellion) then it should be lovingly confronted, but if it is not a heart issue then let him wear one.

Personally, I would draw the line at tatoos and piercings as they have more permanent consequences that sound great at 17 and are regretful to some at 40. Modesty is a hill I would die on, but not hair color or length.

 

I agree. I would not allow (male) piercings or tats for minors.

 

I'm going to contact his teacher directly and see if he can wear a hat (baseball cap) in class only. Leaving the group is not an option because of custody issues and also I like the class and he's doing well.

[unsinkable]

This probably won't get read b/c it's buried so far down...

 

As for tattoos...a nun I know who is in her 60s has a tattoo "JC" in the web of skin between her thumb and pointer finger. She wears a habit, too...She's an RN and runs a neighborhood clinic.

[Mamagistra]

This thread has gotten bizarre. What do I know though? I just got my hair chopped to chin length, so apparently I have a spirit of feminist rebellion brewing within me.:001_huh: I honestly had no idea.

 

:lol: :lol:

[HRAAB]

I'm also sad, and a bit mad, that some of you would not let your children be friends with my DS. He has a nice clean cut hairstyle, is respectful, and loves God. But you know, he's tired of his current hairstyle and is ready to go back to his blue mohawk. He's not rebelling. He's not doing it to irritate adults. He's not doing it to conform to this world. He doing it because he likes his hair that way.

 

You're welcome at our house anytime. Could compare blue and pink mohawks.

 

Janet

[Ellie]

Oh, Joanne, you know I love you biggie bunches and respect you and all of that, but *surely* you knew this group would be like this before you enrolled your ds. Most "Christian" groups do the same thing.

 

This is not a new thing, the requirement for students to be more conservative in their clothing and hairstyles. My dd was ostracized almost 20 years ago because she wore black eyeliner and a black leather jacket. Whatever.

 

Yes, there is some judgement. Part of that comes from the fact that it is not uncommon for people who dress like that to be bad characters. Don't you think so? The outward appearance is a result of the inward character, so when people of good character dress that way, others *will* judge them negatively, based on past experience.

 

I'm just sayin', girlfriend. If your ds wants to wear his hair that way, he will need to learn to deal with the judgment, because he *will* be judged.

[Frankie]

Could you be more specific? Are you against following established rules or are you speaking about the couple of posts that sided with no mohawk either way?

 

I'm speaking about a couple harsh, judgmental responses that I have seen. The specific comment that bothered me most was:

 

"When I see a mohawk, I see a rebellious kid and I don't want my kids around them."

 

I had tried to not single anyone out with my generic comment. I found this comment so harsh, so sad, and so frustrating.

 

Am I against following established rules? No, not at all. Actually, I'm very much a rule follower. But rules are subject to interpretation. Do I find a Mohawk conservative in nature? Yes. It's a buzz cut with one strip left longer in the middle.

[Lovedtodeath]

Um. I have a life beyond the WTM message board. I posted, the kids went to TKD, baseball practice, to the baseball fields getting stuff together for Sports Fest tomorrow. I went to work.

 

He has the hawk because he's 13 and it's fun. It's a leap to assume a hawk is a gateway drug for "excessive piercings or tats (which are illegal at his age, anyway).

 

My son and I are both believers. Strong, active, believers. I don't worship the same Jesus you do.

 

I'm going to contact his teacher directly and see if he can wear a hat (baseball cap) in class only. Leaving the group is not an option because of custody issues and also I like the class and he's doing well.

 

Sounds like you are being very reasonable. Many teenagers (I could probably say most) dress or wear their hair so as to draw attention. It is usually not a heart issue. If they have said that he can comb it down, why do you feel the need for him to wear a hat?

 

I have only read a couple of pages of the posts so maybe I am repeating someone else.

Isn't it great that God looks at the heart and not on man's outward appearance? Wouldn't it be great if we could do the same.

If your son's mohawk is a heart issue (rebellion) then it should be lovingly confronted, but if it is not a heart issue then let him wear one.

 

 

I used to dress outrageously. I did not fully appreciate what modesty meant until it was really spelled out to me. There can be a time to spell this out, but like I said, IMO most teenagers go through times of dressing and/or grooming outrageously. Is it a big deal? Not likely.

 

Could I get chapter and verse where the Bible says that a modest appearance was high on Jesus' list or that a mohawk would not have been acceptable? Where appearance was high on Jesus' list at all? I haven't done a search this morning and I don't have time, but from what I remember of the gospels, Jesus associated with people who were not quite so acceptable to the religious leaders of the time. If memory serves, he looked on the heart and dealt with heart issues.

 

I could easily judge someone with long hair and ankle length denim jumper as being overly religious and concerned only with outward appearances, but that wouldn't be right for me to do either.

 

This thread has gotten bizarre. What do I know though? I just got my hair chopped to chin length, so apparently I have a spirit of feminist rebellion brewing within me.:001_huh: I honestly had no idea.

 

I feel like this post is as rude as any other. A chin length bob in no way equates to a mohawk! And I do not know who you are saying is judging, but pointing out scriptures that hold modesty in high esteem does not equate to judging. Some who have done so, including myself, have included the scriptures because of comments about Jesus not holding modesty in high esteem, not because they (I) necessarily felt that the OP needs them. Remember please, before flaming me, that this was asked for more than once.

 

Jesus thoughts are reflected in the entirety of the Holy Scriptures, not just the gospels. Many of these scriptures can be applied on both sides of this issue.

John 17:11 "Also, I am no longer in the world, but they are in the world and I am coming to you. Holy Father, watch over them on account of your own name which you have given me, in order that they may be one just as we are.

 

(2 Timothy 3:16) All Scripture is inspired of God and beneficial for teaching, for reproving, for setting things straight, for disciplining in righteousness,

 

 

. Typical of Jesus’ modesty are his remarks: "The Son cannot do a single thing of his own initiative." "Why do you call me good? Nobody is good, except one, God." (John 5:19; Luke 18:19) Yes, all who would closely follow in Jesus Christ’s footsteps must manifest modesty. The term "modesty" may mean "limitation in size, amount, or extent." Or it can refer to that which is chaste, marked by "freedom from coarseness, indelicacy, or indecency." Then again, it may denote "an awareness of one’s limitations," or "freedom from conceit or vanity." "Through the undeserved kindness given to me I tell everyone there among you not to think more of himself than it is necessary to think; but to think so as to have a sound mind, each one as God has distributed to him a measure of faith." (Romans 12:3)

 

 

Micah 6:8 He has told you, O earthling man, what is good. And what is the LORD asking back from you but to exercise justice and to love kindness and to be modest in walking with your God?

"In no way are we giving any cause for stumbling, that our ministry might not be found fault with; but in every way we recommend ourselves as God’s ministers." (2 Cor. 6:3, 4)

Paul wrote: "Let each one keep seeking, not his own advantage, but that of the other person." (1 Cor. 10:24)

1 Cor. 10:23, 31-33; Rom. 14:21; 15:1, 2. We, though, who are strong ought to bear the weaknesses of those not strong, and not to be pleasing ourselves. 2 Let each of us please [his] neighbor in what is good for [his] upbuilding.

 

1 Timothy 2:9; 1 Peter 3:3.

Note that the Bible mentions faithful men and women who used jewelry or cosmetic oils and perfumes. Genesis 41:42; Exodus 32:2, 3; Esther 2:7, 12, 15.

The phrase "soundness of mind," as used by Paul, helps us to understand the admonition. The original Greek word denotes being temperate and self-controlled. It implies thinking of oneself soberly, not drawing undue attention. Other Bible translations render this word as "discreetly," "sensibly," "refined," or "with self-restraint." This quality is an important requirement for Christian elders.—1 Timothy 3:2.

So, in telling us that our dress and grooming should be modest and well arranged, the Scriptures encourage us to avoid any extreme styles that would offend others and bring reproach upon our reputation and that of the Christian congregation. Rather than drawing attention to their appearance through physical adornment, those professing reverence for God should display soundness of mind and put the emphasis on "the secret person of the heart in the incorruptible apparel of the quiet and mild spirit." This, Peter concludes, "is of great value in the eyes of God."—1 Peter 3:4.

 

 

Edited October 3, 2008 by Lovedtodeath

[Harriet Vane]

I would tell your son the truth: that people are stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. And that he's going to meet stupid people every day for the rest of his life.

Anyone who has the time of day to think for more than a second about someone else's hair style is definitely NOT working hard enough to contribute to the greater good.

 

Well said indeed!

 

:hurray:

 

As an aside, you remind me in this post of my sister. We were discussing a relative of ours, and I was ranting on and on and on at great length and extensive eloquence about this person's terrible dysfunction. My sister listened patiently and said, "She's just crazy and that'll never change."

 

Ahhh perspective. Say it like it is.

 

You're absolutely right--people ARE stupid, and you meet stupid people every day of your life. Well said.

[Karenciavo]

I'm speaking about a couple harsh, judgmental responses that I have seen. The specific comment that bothered me most was:

 

"When I see a mohawk, I see a rebellious kid and I don't want my kids around them."

 

I had tried to not single anyone out with my generic comment. I found this comment so harsh, so sad, and so frustrating.

 

Am I against following established rules? No, not at all. Actually, I'm very much a rule follower. But rules are subject to interpretation. Do I find a Mohawk conservative in nature? Yes. It's a buzz cut with one strip left longer in the middle.

 

Thank you for answering, I wasn't sure what you were saying. :)

[emeraldjoy]

I think I may have made the mention of Jesus that the above poster was speaking of in regards to her (and other) responses. However, I was not speaking about modesty when I said it (like that matters all that much anyone; modesty is an EXTREMELY subjective value). I just don't want to be misrepresented. I was simply wondering about how Jesus would feel about all of this; that's all. An okay thing to wonder, I think.....

 

I find it pretty disturbing that the Holy words can get so twisted and pressed to fit into whatever the going argument is. Please remember that as christians you need to represent Christ and I certainly do not know of any scripture where he condones judgement; in fact, quite the contrary.

Jesus was continuosly heckled by those that "looked" good, wasn't he?

 

I stand by my orignal post: I do believe that while Jesus was on this earth if there had been mohawks, he would be in the midst of them, not judging them.

 

blessings.

e

[tibbyl]

Actually I appreciate the zest and idealism of rebellious youth who challenge the status quo. They have spearheaded certain positive social change and serve to keep us old fogies reassessing our positions on issues.

 

One child of mine dyed his hair nonhuman colors for about two years. It was all about personal expression for him as an individual. It was not done to "draw attention" to himself. There is no better time than teen years to experiment with nonconventional appearance. Unless one enters certain creative fields, it is not an option that most employers would embrace.

 

Joanne, think of the mohawk as Deep Woods Off! to repel the small-minded easily-offended people who take exception to harmless deviation from the norm in personal appearance.

 

Meanwhile,your son can decide whether the benefits from the co-op are worth altering his hair style.

 

As an aside, a mohawk is a strip of hair down center of head. So, um, what exactly are they proposing he do since one can't grow hair overnight?

Edited October 3, 2008 by tibbyl
brand name error

[OnTheBrink]

OK, I'm standing by my "just wear a wig until the end of the year opinion from my earlier post. I still think that's a simple option.

 

BUT!!! I reread the OP and realized I'd missed where they asked him to flatten it down or cut it back.

 

This changes it for me. They're not asking him to get rid of it, or quit the co-op. If not making it spiky one morning a week is all it will take to make them happy, then why not do it?

 

It's just a little thing. "Ds, I 'love you, and I think the mohawk is a good look for you. But it bothers some of these people in the group. They'd rather you not spike it when you're in math. So please just leave it down, and then you can spike it when we get home."

 

It's not a big deal. No need to encourage ds to be all up in arms about judgementalism and narrow-mindedness, and "Poor me. I'm being discriminated against." Sometimes we have to teach our dc to be thoughtful of other people and just say, "Oh well!"

 

Being judgemental of them for not liking spiky hair (and labelling them as narrow-minded, prideful, etc.) is just as bad as being judgemental of a boy who has spiky hair (and labelling him rebellious, moronic, etc.).

 

Were it my son, I'd encourage him to not buy into the victim game, and not purposefully prick other people just for the sake of his "rights" and wear his hair down for a couple of hours. (Or wear a wig. I still like the wig idea.)

 

This is the best post in the whole thread. I completely agree. And, I have a son who went 5 years without cutting his hair and had an afro that extended a good 6 inches above his head; and a daughter who refuses to wear two socks of the same color and purposely picks socks that don't match her outfit. I allow them to do this (well, my son's old enough now that I have no control over his hair any longer, but at the time he had the mass-fro, he was a minor) but at the same time, let them know that people are going to have opinions on things that are outside the norm (or outside their norm). They (my dc) have to determine whether huge afros and mismatched socks and clothes are worth hearing comments. Both kids have decided it is. However, there have been consequences, mostly for my son's hair. But, he's dealt with it and learned from it. When he worked for a pizza restaurant, they required him have his hair tied down and under a cap, or get it cut. He chose to tie it down. He submitted to his boss's authority, came home and ranted about it anyway, but kept his job and learned that sometimes you have to give in on a small issue for the bigger picture.

 

Meekness is far more Christ-like than anger. Yes, the boy has the "right" to have his hair however he likes it, but doesn't it reflect Christ more to submit to the authority of the group and meet them half-way than to make this a huge issue? IMO, there is far more strength in saying, "I understand that this makes you uncomfortable and I'm willing to tame it during class. I want to learn and I don't want to hinder anyone else from learning, too. If my unusual hair is affecting someone else from learning, I'll gladly comb it down for class."

 

From what I read of the OP, no one condemned the boy (sorry, I don't know his name) as rebellious or evil or a hooligan; they simply wanted his chosen hair style to be tamed a bit for class. l really don't see what the problem would be with that.

 

Now, if there are other issues with this specific group, and from some of the posts here, it sounds like there might be, and the real issue here is the group is inconsistent in its policies, that's a horse of another color. I'd leave a group for that. Inconsistency in policy is very difficult to deal with and most of the time, isn't worth the trouble. Changing rules or creating them on a whim is disconcerting and doesn't create a lot of stability of confidence in the group, imo.

 

And, honestly, if someone made any sort of intimation that my child was not up to par (or however you want to put it), I'd initially be upset, too. But, isn't the bigger picture as a Christian to reflect Christ, even if others who profess Him don't? Isn't putting others first the priority over what our own desires are? I think this incident can be a great opportunity for Joanne's son to practice this and rise above anger, bitterness or victim mentality that so many people tend to choose (I'm not saying he has done this; I'm speaking generally of people as a whole).

[Renee in NC]

Edited because that isn't anything at all what I was picturing. It isn't spiked or anything - just curly.

[Joanne]

Update:

 

I spoke with my DH and with my son. I told him, basically, the reality represented in PariSarah's great post.

 

That *I* don't care about him having a mowhawk. That *I* don't automatically assume character, behavior, heart issues, rebellion based on cosmetic expression.

 

But that many people *do*. And even some who don't believe that children are adults in training and need to consider conforming to a certain "look", or at least the avoidance of looks that could exclude job interviews, etc.

 

I told him it's the reality of his hair style choice. I don't agree with it, but it's the reality and he's too old for me to block those realities/consequences.

 

I called his Teacher (left message) and called the organizational representative with whom I spoke yesterday. She indicated that she didn't represent his teacher's perspective accurately; his haircut was not a distraction in class. It turns out that, bascially, there is one teacher (not my son's) who felt the most strongly that the hawk does not fit "conservative style".

 

I told the representative that I'm absolutely willing to ask my son to "not accentuate" the hawk with gel and to wear it as understated as his hair will comply. She told me that was absolutely adequate at this point.

 

He's "thinking about it".

 

Here is what my son's mowhawk looks like. This was over a year ago, but it is currently just like this:

 

Edited October 3, 2008 by Joanne

[Carol in Cal.]

but I don't regard it as offensive.

 

I feel entirely differently about a baseball cap, so be prepared--others might feel the same. From a standard politeness perspective, it is rude for a male to wear a hat indoors. It is disrespectful to the people there. Now, I know that that is shifting, especially as hip hop has become popular, but it is still a pretty common view; and frankly, it is my view--I would regard a boy who didn't take off a baseball cap in my class as sneering at me. I would expect that people who think that a mohawk is distracting would very possibly be quite insulted by a proposal to wear a hat, and think that it's intended as a further protest.

 

What you should do in this situation, I'm not sure. But just please be aware that your offer to have him wear a hat might very well be interpreted as quite the opposite of the conciliatory gesture that I think you intend.

Best regards, Carol

[Chika]

Oh. my. word. I pictured a half-foot-high, black spiky (or at least gelled "straight-up") mohawk. Good grief. That is so NOT distracting.

 

Thanks for the update.

[Scuff]

It sucks, but I'd use it as a teaching opportunity. The fact is, the world is like this. In most jobs he's going to haveto have a certain "look". This is an opportunity to show him that he can express himself in his own time, but then needs to "clean up" for other situations. JMO.

[Bess]

It sucks, but I'd use it as a teaching opportunity. The fact is, the world is like this. In most jobs he's going to haveto have a certain "look". This is an opportunity to show him that he can express himself in his own time, but then needs to "clean up" for other situations. JMO.

 

I agree.

[Renee in NC]

Oh. my. word. I pictured a half-foot-high, black spiky (or at least gelled "straight-up") mohawk. Good grief. That is so NOT distracting.

 

Thanks for the update.

 

I agree - that's what I was thinking. He looks ADORABLE!

[jplain]

He is SO cute. :D

Distracting? That's laughable.

[HollyinNNV]

Oh. my. word. I pictured a half-foot-high, black spiky (or at least gelled "straight-up") mohawk. Good grief. That is so NOT distracting.

 

Thanks for the update.

 

Good grief is right. I have the same reaction as Chika. He is adorable.

Holly

[Joanne]

I feel entirely differently about a baseball cap, so be prepared--others might feel the same. From a standard politeness perspective, it is rude for a male to wear a hat indoors. It is disrespectful to the people there. Now, I know that that is shifting, especially as hip hop has become popular, but it is still a pretty common view; and frankly, it is my view--I would regard a boy who didn't take off a baseball cap in my class as sneering at me. I would expect that people who think that a mohawk is distracting would very possibly be quite insulted by a proposal to wear a hat, and think that it's intended as a further protest.

 

What you should do in this situation, I'm not sure. But just please be aware that your offer to have him wear a hat might very well be interpreted as quite the opposite of the conciliatory gesture that I think you intend.

 

I understand and yes, I know about the (aging but still present) idea about hats indoors. My hat suggestion was not to thumb my nose at the organization. But if the *real* reason for the mohawk concern is distraction, the baseball cap would get rid of the distraction. That was why I suggested it, in class only, and not in general around the facility.

[dcjlkplus3]

Mohawks are NOT the same as immodesty. If I were the organizer of a relidious co-op, I would consider a modest dress code to be appropriate. If the tank top is low cut or baring tummy, I would not consider that to be modest. If it's just tank-style without exposing bre@sts or tummy, then I would not object.

 

Unlike body-exposing clothes, mohawks are not s@xual in nature so do not fall into the same realm.

:iagree:

[Leah]

Wow! Thanks for the update, but I am just even more sad that this is an issue!

 

You have a beautiful family and I hope this all comes to a happy resolution.

[camibami]

THAT!? is causing all the ruckus?

 

Not at all what I was thinking of as a Mohawk. I was picturing the ones with a gazillion hair products so they stand up 6 inches, like a board, off the head. That's a short haircut! I'm sorry, but the group has reaaalllyyyy gotta be stretching it to consider that haircut "distracting". Now, I'd consider that he's so darn cute, its distracting!

 

I don't know if this is off-topic too much, but I have noticed quite the upswing in "appearance-driven" theology/culture among hs'ers. Skirts that are long, no pants for women, long hair for women and girls, etc. Which is fine in and of itself (I love to wear skirts, myself) but so often lately I notice a culture of judgement based solely upon appearance. Not always negative- sometimes it seems that those dressed a certain way are viewed as "better" or more whatever. More biblical? More spiritual? I am not explaining it well, but the focus on appearance as the end-all be all is disheartening. I just catch a whiff of "my parenting skills are better/more Godly/more biblical because my daughter doesn't wear pants" vibe. Its morphed into a strange fixation with petticoats and period dress and swimsuits that are impossible to actually swim in. Nothing wrong with modesty, but lately I see this over-the-top fixation on appearance. I am thinking you might be caught up in one of "those" groups.

 

Anyway, he's adorable, and if all I ever have to contend with is some creatively cut or colored hair from my girls, I'll count myself mighty lucky. Let that boy express himself!

[Kelli in TN]

Update:

 

 

 

Here is what my son's mowhawk looks like. This was over a year ago, but it is currently just like this:

]

 

That's not a mohawk!

 

This is a mohawk!!

 

 

Your son's hair is so NOT what I was picturing. I was agreeing with the ones that said you need to follow the dress code, yada, yada, yada. But a picture is worth a thousand words and I am just. not. able. to see the problem with your boy's hair.

[Lovedtodeath]

And, honestly, if someone made any sort of intimation that my child was not up to par (or however you want to put it), I'd initially be upset, too. But, isn't the bigger picture as a Christian to reflect Christ, even if others who profess Him don't? Isn't putting others first the priority over what our own desires are? I think this incident can be a great opportunity for Joanne's son to practice this and rise above anger, bitterness or victim mentality that so many people tend to choose (I'm not saying he has done this; I'm speaking generally of people as a whole).

 

:iagree:Basically what I was trying to say, but done concisely and frankly, better. Especially this part...

But, isn't the bigger picture as a Christian to reflect Christ, even if others who profess Him don't?

[Kris]

I'm speaking about a couple harsh, judgmental responses that I have seen. The specific comment that bothered me most was:

 

"When I see a mohawk, I see a rebellious kid and I don't want my kids around them."

 

I had tried to not single anyone out with my generic comment. I found this comment so harsh, so sad, and so frustrating.

 

I didn't notice this one until this morning, and my blood was already boiling, so this didn't help. :glare:

 

Actually, it makes me think of all the nice, clean-cut looking kids I know that I don't want anywhere near my house or my son because they're thieving, lying little jerks. Or the nice, clean-cut looking kid he became great buddies with last summer who has now repeatedly run away from home, ripped off his Dad, cheated on his girlfriend -- several times and in the worst way -- and has started bragging about doing drugs.

 

But they look "acceptable" so that's okay?!

 

One of his buddies has really long hair, usually wears clothes that *I* don't understand -- usually black with chains and I don't know what all. But he is one of the greatest kids. Always respectful, helpful and welcome here any time because of that. The worst trouble he's been in so far is not doing his homework and driving the car when he wasn't supposed to.

 

I think we all make judgments -- I don't see how we can avoid it. We have to make decisions every day as to what we're going to let into our lives. Yes, you have to draw a line somewhere. But I'd like to think the criteria would relate a little more to what that person actually does and is, rather than just what their hair looks like. Good grief!

[dasschus]

Unbelievable. I'm so sorry that you had to go through that.

 

Reading some posts about appearance and what is/is not acceptable (hats indoors) reminds me of some of my diverse friends. While some consider it rude to wear a hat indoors (conservative Christian) other people I know in the Orthodox Jewish community would never walk around without their heads covered indoors or out due to respect for God. It's a reminder that there is always the presence of God above them. Isn't it funny what is considered respectful to one group is rude to another? Just an observation. :)

 

Kelly

[Kris]

Here is what my son's mowhawk looks like. This was over a year ago, but it is currently just like this:

 

 

WHA -- ???!!! You have *got* to be kidding me?! I had to make the photo larger just to see it! Good GRIEF!

 

You have to *really* be looking for something to complain about to come up with THAT!

 

He is adorable! That is so cute! Why would anyone even think twice about the way he's wearing his hair?!

 

Well, I obviously need to go do something else today. My vocabulary is taking a vacation and the only words I can think of involve reverting back to "Truck Stop Dragon Lady."

 

Good grief. :glare:

[LilyK]

Joanne,

Both kid and haircut are adorable! We have been part of an extremely strict co-op for many, many years. Their dress code is way more conservative than mine, but I stress how important it is to comply with the co-op's dress/hair code when they are there, even if we do think it is stupid. For us, the benefits of the co-op far, outweigh the disadvantages. But just to let you know that it is not necessarily a conservative homeschooling thing, I work at a hospital, and the hospital's dress code is 3 pages long. Our co-op's code is only 1 page. And sorry, no mohawks allowed in the hospital either.

[elegantlion]

WHA -- ???!!! You have *got* to be kidding me?! I had to make the photo larger just to see it! Good GRIEF!

 

You have to *really* be looking for something to complain about to come up with THAT!

 

He is adorable! That is so cute! Why would anyone even think twice about the way he's wearing his hair?!

 

Well, I obviously need to go do something else today. My vocabulary is taking a vacation and the only words I can think of involve reverting back to "Truck Stop Dragon Lady."

 

Good grief. :glare:

 

:iagree: I was expecting a pic like what Kelli posted. Sheesh, people!

[Kris]

:iagree: I was expecting a pic like what Kelli posted. Sheesh, people!

 

Me, too! Some dangerous looking, spiky "You Could Put Someone's Eye Out With That!" thing!

 

Kind of disappointing in the "rebellion" department. :lol:

[tadbhoward]

I have absolutely nothing of value to add to this discussion. I would just like to say that you have an adorable family and that includes said offensive mohawk. :001_smile:

[Miss Sherry]

I love his curly blonde hair. I wouldn't have wanted him to shave any of it off because he has such beautiful hair.

[Ria]

He looks like a very cute, fun kid. You have a beautiful family, Joanne. Any time you are up in PA, you all are welcome here.

 

Ria (a curly girl who especially enjoyed the curly mohawk!)

[Greta]

That's not a mohawk!

 

This is a mohawk!!

 

 

Exactly! :smilielol5: I thought they were being a little . . . let's say hard-nosed though I was actually thinking of a different body part. And I was picturing something just like Kelli's picture. I cannot believe anyone would make an issue over your son's hair. He's too cute!

Edited October 3, 2008 by GretaLynne

[Jennifer3141]

What the heck?? That's just barely a mowhawk. Is it possible these people are mentally ill??? :D

 

I'm way more distracted just thinking about the woman's hair falling into my water glass. Ack. I'm not sure I'll ever get over that one...

 

Jen

[Michele B]

Whoa! That picture completely changes my opinion! I too, pictured something spiky. He looks adorable!

[Elm in NJ]

He looks adorable! I was actually thinking something more in the line of Kelli's picture.:lol:

[Tracey in TX]

WHAT?! That cute little boy's hair is causing an uproar? Good grief, somebody needs to find a hobby. The hair is adorable. It's not particularly conservative, but it is in no way disruptive or crass appearing. DS is growing his pretty blonde hair to look like a European soccer player. LOL He would 'disrupt' class as well, despite being sweet and well behaved.

Have you considered straightening it and gelling it REALLY HIGH to get a truly obnoxious response?! (jk, sorta)

 

What a beautiful family!

[Carrie12345]

Ick.

 

Regardless of whether or not there is a concrete, enforceable rule, I believe I would have to leave the group.

 

I consider experimenting with outward appearance a very positive thing. I want my children to be able to find their personal comfort zone when it comes to balancing their self-expression with other people's judgments. No matter how they look, entirely clean-cut and conservative or wild and crazy, people are going to form opinions based on what they see. There's no escaping that.

 

I am not comfortable in capris and a button down blouse. Years of experience has taught me that I am perfectly comfortable going to most places and events without forcing myself to wear capris and button down blouses, even though my "nice" jeans and tailored t-shirt might stand out, and I may give off an impression of a lack of maturity.

On the other hand, I'm willing to suck it up and pretend that it's okay to equate clothes with inner qualities when I'm accompanying dh to business functions.

 

Sometimes it is beneficial to sacrifice our comfort, our self-expression, and our opinions about narrow-minded, superficial judgement, but those times are going to be different for each person. I can't tell my kids which times those will be for them, but I do hope I'm making it clear that it needn't be every single day of their lives.

 

Requiring a child to get rid of a mohawk is, imo, no different from requiring every child to *grow a mowhawk. Both positions are ridiculous, especially from a homeschool group. Since when does homeschooling and bowing to the expectations of the majority mesh?

 

Says the tattoed, formerly pierced and colorful mom who loves her dragon hoodie more than any other article of clothing and still wound up with a 10-year-old who buttons his top button and considers his unkempt little side burn action to be the epitome of hair rebellion.

[RoughCollie]

Joanne, I'm beginning to think your son is a distraction because he is so darned cute! That is not a distracting haircut, IMO.

 

RC

[chiguirre]

I can't see how that haircut doesn't pass muster, even at a conservative coop. IMHO, if he does even out the top, he'll look like a skinhead and that's not a look they'll approve either. Do you think the complaining teacher has a problem with either you or your son for some other reason? Because honestly that haircut doesn't seem very extreme and complaining about it (especially when he's not in that teacher's class) is odd.

 

I hope you can come to an agreement with the coop.

[sunshine]

Soph has a opinions on where the line is drawn; others have expressed that the line should be drawn at clean or insect-free hair. That's my point. Most people draw a line somewhere. You can't call someone judgemental just because they draw their line at a different place than you would

 

 

:iagree:And I think everyone should be "tolerant" (a word I abhor now since it is used as a religion and not a state of being), of each other's lines that they draw.

 

* * * * *

Sunshine

[WTMindy]

Oh. my. word. I pictured a half-foot-high, black spiky (or at least gelled "straight-up") mohawk. Good grief. That is so NOT distracting.

 

Thanks for the update.

 

LOL!! I totally agree. I do not see rebel in this hair cut. What a cutey!!!