Halftime Hope Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 (edited) Please don't quote. I'm tired, cranky, stressed, and I really, really don't want to take it out on my poor dh. He had open heart surgery 2.5 weeks ago, and it's been a really, really rough go. While he was in the hospital, I was with him all but about 18 hours in 7 days. (He doesn't speak medical-ese, and he needed someone to advocate for him and help him with managing his insulin, so it was a pretty intense 7 days.) When he got home, he had three good days, and then the "complication from hell" showed up, taking us back to the ER one overnight, so after I got him home again I've spent 5 days doing more intense caregiving. What's really peeving me to no end is that 1) he has never been a "mancold" guy, but now he's tired of feeling crappy, and frankly he's whiny. 2) We're going to have to work out a better diet for him since the diet he prefers led to the blockages, but darned if he feels like eating anything healthy. Bah, humbug. I don't enjoy cooking, but I really resent making junk food. (He wanted burgers tonight, so I made some for him, and now he feels heartburn-ish. Gloating, even if I'm keeping it to myself, is very uncharitable. I don't want to be that person.) Someone tell me I'm going to make this, AND that I can be a decent, kind human being. Inspire me, please? Please don't quote. Edited March 5, 2016 by Halftime Hope Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 That's annoying! I'm sorry you're having a bad day. Chocolate? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 (edited) I understand. I really do. It's possible for us to feel compassion and caring and even empathy for a person, while at the exact same time be completely exhausted and irrated by that very same person. He's going through something horrible, but so are you. Maybe not to the same degree as he is, but it's still draining and exhausting and frightening. Unfortunately, the care-giver really isn't allowed to whine and get angry at the sick person because that would feel like kicking someone when they're down. Not being able to express/vent their own difficulties is hard on a care-giver. Sometimes their patient is being insufferable and yet, how do you tell someone who is so sick that they're also insufferable?? I feel for you. Edited March 5, 2016 by Garga 24 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmseB Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 I agree with garga. This is your medical crisis too. I think in a way is almost more difficult for the healthy person who suddenly has everything on their shoulders and they are expected to be so thankful that the patient is doing well and cheerful... 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 I get crankier over way less serious things. That does sound difficult. I hope things calm down soon. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halftime Hope Posted March 5, 2016 Author Share Posted March 5, 2016 (edited) That's annoying! I'm sorry you're having a bad day. Chocolate? I'm the cancer patient who isn't supposed to have sugar, but I've eaten an entire small bag of Reese's 1/2 footballs (no kidding, they were probably Superbowl merchandise marked as clearance) in the last two days. I have to get a grip. That's why I'm gracing you all with my vent. Aren't you all the lucky ones!?! Thank you for putting up with me. ETA: anyone else notice the irony? I'm annoyed, in part, over food issues, while behaving badly with food myself...it just gets better, doesn't it. Edited March 5, 2016 by Halftime Hope 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 vent away 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 Do vent! We all have those times and you've earned it. Today sucked for me as well but at least everyone is healthy. I just had a chocolate dessert while marooned from impassible traffic to pass the time while the road clear. A drive that should have taken me thirty minutes, maybe forty, took nearly ninety. And then trying to get home they blocked most of the routes through town and the remaining few were gridlocked. So I'm eating my stress at a restaurant while traffic clears slowly. Ugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halftime Hope Posted March 5, 2016 Author Share Posted March 5, 2016 Do vent! We all have those times and you've earned it. Today sucked for me as well but at least everyone is healthy. I just had a chocolate dessert while marooned from impassible traffic to pass the time while the road clear. A drive that should have taken me thirty minutes, maybe forty, took nearly ninety. And then trying to get home they blocked most of the routes through town and the remaining few were gridlocked. So I'm eating my stress at a restaurant while traffic clears slowly. Ugh. A woman after my own heart. That line has the ring of a country song in it.... 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 Just want to say I think you're a rock star. A real one, with bell bottoms, big hair and everything else. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Girls' Mom Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 I understand completely. Several years ago my dh had a cervical fusion, and then 3 days later had a colon rupture. He ended up with a colostomy while in a neck brace. Which meant he couldn't even SEE to do self care for the colostomy. Not to mention the major emotional side effects he had from various meds they had him on. While I love him dearly, and would do anything to care for him when he was in such a need, it was mentally exhausting! I got stressed and grumpy too. And ticked when he wouldn't follow medical advice to the letter. ((Hugs)) to you both. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 Vent, vent, vent away. You are right. That is irritating. It is hard to watch adult relatives recede into childhood at times although we all do it. Hugs to you both. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 If he's unwell, perhaps he isn't producing enough stomach acid to be able to digest anything but junk? That aside, it sounds like everyone at your house is entitled to any amount of venting they feel like. :grouphug: :grouphug: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 :grouphug: :grouphug: I think we all want comfort food when we feed poorly. There are some healthy comfort foods out there. Chicken noodle soup is the first that comes to mind. Turkey burgers can be a healthier substitute for beef ones. But I can understand your vent. :grouphug: :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 (edited) :grouphug: I hope his feeling good enough to be cranky, means he's healing enough to fuss. You deserve a big old break...Being a 24/7 care giver is exhausting. :grouphug: I've been known to use the term...man-baby to lighten the tension or give a heads up that I'm at the end of my rope :glare: ; and I've never dealt with anything so serious as you are. Big-big sympathy hug on the cooking front. Dh had to change his diet to no more than 1500mg of sodium per day due to avoid BP medication. Edited March 5, 2016 by Tammyla 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 (edited) Man, that really stinks, I can only imagine how exhausted/frustrated/aggravated you are. (HUGS) today is a new day, hopefully a better one. Edited March 5, 2016 by soror 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 I get it. Feeling guilt and angry at one's self about how aggravated and irritated you are is just like adding an exponent to the whole crummy mess. It always makes me turn and beat myself up a little, which of course (sarcasm follows) calms me down and restores my sweet selfless approach to the situation. (NOT!) Try to remember that your anger is about the situation, the condition, the adverse event you are both struggling through. It's not like you actually have (so much) irritation for him alone, if nothing was wrong: it just feels that way. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Entropymama Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Minerva Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 If you can get yourself some temporary respite, you will probably come back at it feeling a lot better and ultimately be more effective. I hope you can find someone to help / spell you so you can go hide for a little while. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wintermom Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 I can't imagine the stress you and your dh are both feeling, and have been going through. This is a good, safe place for you to whine and complain. Go forth and whine. Then perhaps grab some wine and chocolate for yourself. It's hard work being a care giver, but they rarely get the sympathy, attention and support that the ill person gets. ((hugs)) All the best to your entire family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 Vent away. I'm sorry you are going through all these troubles. You have dealt with a lot and are to be commended. As a virtual invalid myself, I see both sides. No judgement. I'm struggling to be a model patient and have had my whiny moments as well. Is there any way you can get some help? You need a mental and physical break. Perhaps when your dh is getting better, you can have a frank discussion with him about the food issue ... About what you will make and what you will not. And that complaining about food lovingly prepared is not OK. Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashfern Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RKWAcademy Posted March 6, 2016 Share Posted March 6, 2016 I understand completely. Several years ago my dh had a cervical fusion, and then 3 days later had a colon rupture. He ended up with a colostomy while in a neck brace. Which meant he couldn't even SEE to do self care for the colostomy. Not to mention the major emotional side effects he had from various meds they had him on. While I love him dearly, and would do anything to care for him when he was in such a need, it was mentally exhausting! I got stressed and grumpy too. And ticked when he wouldn't follow medical advice to the letter. ((Hugs)) to you both. Hugs to the OP!! This had to be rough, too!! My dh had a colon rupture, colostomy, and then infection at the surgical site of the second surgery to reverse the colostomy. Ugh. I can't imagine any of those while recovering from cervical fusion (which I had recently). Poor guy, poor you. I hope your dh is all better now! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Girls' Mom Posted March 6, 2016 Share Posted March 6, 2016 Hugs to the OP!! This had to be rough, too!! My dh had a colon rupture, colostomy, and then infection at the surgical site of the second surgery to reverse the colostomy. Ugh. I can't imagine any of those while recovering from cervical fusion (which I had recently). Poor guy, poor you. I hope your dh is all better now! Thanks! He had his colostomy reversed also, and has healed completely from the colon issues. The neck is another story, but we are thankful for the healing of the rupture. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamiof5 Posted March 6, 2016 Share Posted March 6, 2016 You will make it through it. Good thoughts and prayers your way 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
homeschoolin'mygirls Posted March 6, 2016 Share Posted March 6, 2016 [quote name="dirty ethel rackham" post="6871329" timestamp= Is there any way you can get some help? You need a mental and physical break. Perhaps when your dh is getting better, you can have a frank discussion with him about the food issue ... About what you will make and what you will not. And that complaining about food lovingly prepared is not OK. Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk This. Best advice ever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted March 6, 2016 Share Posted March 6, 2016 Caregiver fatigue is a REAL THING. You're not whining. You're TIRED. I feel for you. I just filled out 14 pages of summer camp forms so that I can get a solid week of not being my son's personal nurse. I love him, but I need to not be on-call for a few days each year. It's HARD, but I don't feel comfortable complaining because my life is so much easier than his. Also, I have a cookbook called Fast Food Fix. It has recipes that taste nearly like your favorite junk foods (big mac, frosty, cinnabon, etc) but are much less awful for you and way cheaper. Except for the cinnamon rolls, most of the recipes are fairly quick and simple. It could be a decent compromise for you and your dh. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 6, 2016 Share Posted March 6, 2016 I can imagine it is rough. When my DH was in an accident and dislocated his hip....wow. He was such a PITA. He doesn't do well with sitting around and he fried my last nerve. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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