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Ughh, JAWM, I'm in such a bad mood...


Halftime Hope
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Please don't quote.

 

I'm tired, cranky, stressed, and I really, really don't want to take it out on my poor dh. 

 

He had open heart surgery 2.5 weeks ago, and it's been a really, really rough go.  While he was in the hospital, I was with him all but about 18 hours in 7 days.  (He doesn't speak medical-ese, and he needed someone to advocate for him and help him with managing his insulin, so it was a pretty intense 7 days.) When he got home, he had three good days, and then the "complication from hell" showed up, taking us back to the ER one overnight, so after I got him home again I've spent 5 days doing more intense caregiving. 

 

What's really peeving me to no end is that 1) he has never been a "mancold" guy, but now he's tired of feeling crappy, and frankly he's whiny.  2) We're going to have to work out a better diet for him since the diet he prefers led to the blockages, but darned if he feels like eating anything healthy.  Bah, humbug.  I don't enjoy cooking, but I really resent making junk food.  (He wanted burgers tonight, so I made some for him, and now he feels heartburn-ish.  Gloating, even if I'm keeping it to myself, is very uncharitable. I don't want to be that person.)

 

Someone tell me I'm going to make this, AND that I can be a decent, kind human being.  Inspire me, please?

 

 

Please don't quote.

Edited by Halftime Hope
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I understand. I really do. It's possible for us to feel compassion and caring and even empathy for a person, while at the exact same time be completely exhausted and irrated by that very same person.

 

He's going through something horrible, but so are you. Maybe not to the same degree as he is, but it's still draining and exhausting and frightening. Unfortunately, the care-giver really isn't allowed to whine and get angry at the sick person because that would feel like kicking someone when they're down. Not being able to express/vent their own difficulties is hard on a care-giver. Sometimes their patient is being insufferable and yet, how do you tell someone who is so sick that they're also insufferable??

 

I feel for you.

Edited by Garga
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I agree with garga. This is your medical crisis too. I think in a way is almost more difficult for the healthy person who suddenly has everything on their shoulders and they are expected to be so thankful that the patient is doing well and cheerful...

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That's annoying! I'm sorry you're having a bad day. Chocolate?

 

I'm the cancer patient who isn't supposed to have sugar, but I've eaten an entire small bag of Reese's 1/2 footballs (no kidding, they were probably Superbowl merchandise marked as clearance) in the last two days.

 

I have to get a grip. 

 

That's why I'm gracing you all with my vent.  Aren't you all the lucky ones!?!

 

Thank you for putting up with me.

 

 

ETA:  anyone else notice the irony?  I'm annoyed, in part, over food issues, while behaving badly with food myself...it just gets better, doesn't it.

Edited by Halftime Hope
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Do vent! We all have those times and you've earned it. Today sucked for me as well but at least everyone is healthy. I just had a chocolate dessert while marooned from impassible traffic to pass the time while the road clear. A drive that should have taken me thirty minutes, maybe forty, took nearly ninety. And then trying to get home they blocked most of the routes through town and the remaining few were gridlocked. So I'm eating my stress at a restaurant while traffic clears slowly. Ugh.

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Do vent! We all have those times and you've earned it. Today sucked for me as well but at least everyone is healthy. I just had a chocolate dessert while marooned from impassible traffic to pass the time while the road clear. A drive that should have taken me thirty minutes, maybe forty, took nearly ninety. And then trying to get home they blocked most of the routes through town and the remaining few were gridlocked. So I'm eating my stress at a restaurant while traffic clears slowly. Ugh.

 

A woman after my own heart.  That line has the ring of a country song in it....

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I understand completely.  Several years ago my dh had a cervical fusion, and then 3 days later had a colon rupture.  He ended up with a colostomy while in a neck brace.  Which meant he couldn't even SEE to do self care for the colostomy.  Not to mention the major emotional side effects he had from various meds they had him on.  While I love him dearly, and would do anything to care for him when he was in such a need, it was mentally exhausting!  I got stressed and grumpy too.  And ticked when he wouldn't follow medical advice to the letter.  

((Hugs)) to you both.  

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:grouphug: I hope his feeling good enough to be cranky, means he's healing enough to fuss.   You deserve a big old break...Being a 24/7 care giver is exhausting. :grouphug:

 

I've been known to use the term...man-baby to lighten the tension or give a heads up that I'm at the end of my rope :glare: ; and I've never dealt with anything so serious as you are.

 

 

Big-big sympathy hug on the cooking front.  Dh had to change his diet to no more than 1500mg of sodium per day due to avoid BP medication.  

Edited by Tammyla
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I get it. Feeling guilt and angry at one's self about how aggravated and irritated you are is just like adding an exponent to the whole crummy mess. It always makes me turn and beat myself up a little, which of course (sarcasm follows) calms me down and restores my sweet selfless approach to the situation. (NOT!)

 

Try to remember that your anger is about the situation, the condition, the adverse event you are both struggling through. It's not like you actually have (so much) irritation for him alone, if nothing was wrong: it just feels that way.

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If you can get yourself some temporary respite, you will probably come back at it feeling a lot better and ultimately be more effective.  I hope you can find someone to help / spell you so you can go hide for a little while.  :grouphug:

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I can't imagine the stress you and your dh are both feeling, and have been going through. This is a good, safe place for you to whine and complain. Go forth and whine.  Then perhaps grab some wine and chocolate for yourself.

 

It's hard work being a care giver, but they rarely get the sympathy, attention and support that the ill person gets.  ((hugs))

 

All the best to your entire family. 

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Vent away. I'm sorry you are going through all these troubles. You have dealt with a lot and are to be commended. As a virtual invalid myself, I see both sides. No judgement. I'm struggling to be a model patient and have had my whiny moments as well.

 

Is there any way you can get some help? You need a mental and physical break. Perhaps when your dh is getting better, you can have a frank discussion with him about the food issue ... About what you will make and what you will not. And that complaining about food lovingly prepared is not OK.

 

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk

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I understand completely.  Several years ago my dh had a cervical fusion, and then 3 days later had a colon rupture.  He ended up with a colostomy while in a neck brace.  Which meant he couldn't even SEE to do self care for the colostomy.  Not to mention the major emotional side effects he had from various meds they had him on.  While I love him dearly, and would do anything to care for him when he was in such a need, it was mentally exhausting!  I got stressed and grumpy too.  And ticked when he wouldn't follow medical advice to the letter.  

 

((Hugs)) to you both.  

 

Hugs to the OP!!  This had to be rough, too!!  My dh had a colon rupture, colostomy, and then infection at the surgical site of the second surgery to reverse the colostomy.  Ugh.  I can't imagine any of those while recovering from cervical fusion (which I had recently).  Poor guy, poor you.  I hope your dh is all better now!

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Hugs to the OP!!  This had to be rough, too!!  My dh had a colon rupture, colostomy, and then infection at the surgical site of the second surgery to reverse the colostomy.  Ugh.  I can't imagine any of those while recovering from cervical fusion (which I had recently).  Poor guy, poor you.  I hope your dh is all better now!

Thanks!  He had his colostomy reversed also, and has healed completely from the colon issues.  The neck is another story, but we are thankful for the healing of the rupture.

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[quote name="dirty ethel rackham" post="6871329" timestamp=

 

Is there any way you can get some help? You need a mental and physical break. Perhaps when your dh is getting better, you can have a frank discussion with him about the food issue ... About what you will make and what you will not. And that complaining about food lovingly prepared is not OK.

 

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk

 

 

This.

 

Best advice ever.

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Caregiver fatigue is a REAL THING.  You're not whining.  You're TIRED.  I feel for you.  I just filled out 14 pages of summer camp forms so that I can get a solid week of not being my son's personal nurse.  I love him, but I need to not be on-call for a few days each year.  It's HARD, but I don't feel comfortable complaining because my life is so much easier than his.

 

Also, I have a cookbook called Fast Food Fix.  It has recipes that taste nearly like your favorite junk foods (big mac, frosty, cinnabon, etc) but are much less awful for you and way cheaper.  Except for the cinnamon rolls, most of the recipes are fairly quick and simple.  It could be a decent compromise for you and your dh.

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I can imagine it is rough. When my DH was in an accident and dislocated his hip....wow. He was such a PITA. He doesn't do well with sitting around and he fried my last nerve.

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