Overestimating or underestimating

[SquirrellyMama]

When planning expenses I tend to overestimate what we'll need, and if we come in under it I'm happy. My husband tends to underestimate what we need, and if we come in under it he's happy. If we hit his number or go over he's mad. I'm really trying to get him to understand that we should be able to go up to the number he budgets without frustration.

 

I don't know that it is possible to hit the number right on usually, because of price increases or just not knowing how much of something we'll need.

 

What do other people do? We're having trouble staying within his budget so I'm making a list of everything I can think of that we'll need in the next year. I'm writing down approximate prices and how many we'll need of each item. Anyone else do something like this? Does it help?

 

I used to have a price book of commonly bought food items and best prices. It seemed to help, I think.

 

Kelly

[zoobie]

Does he have anxiety? This seems a very controlling and unrealistic approach to budgeting. You're not a soothsayer.

[fairfarmhand]

Hmm.. for food, I tend to budget a bit over. That way I can stock up when prices are low and not worry.

 

[AmandaVT]

What kinds of things are you looking to budget? Groceries? Electricity? Gifts? 

 

What works for us is:

 

Groceries - I average out how much I spend in a month and make that my grocery budget. I'm not as strict about this as I need to be, but when I was being strict, I'd take out cash every pay period for 2 weeks of groceries and make it last. 

 

Electricity - I use the monthly budget plan that our electric company offers. They adjust up or down every three months if needed and it keeps us from having ridiculously high electric bills in the winter. 

 

Gifts - I have a "christmas and gift" savings account that I put a set amount of money into each paycheck. 

 

Car repairs - I do the same as Christmas and gifts

 

Medical bills - I keep trying to talk DH into an HSA, but he's annoyingly against it, so I try to set money aside for that too. 

[SquirrellyMama]

Does he have anxiety? This seems a very controlling and unrealistic approach to budgeting. You're not a soothsayer.

 

I think it was how he was raised. When we were first married we were going on a trip, and he said he wanted to leave at 8am. We were in the car and leaving at 8am, but I could tell he was angry. It turns out that 8am really meant before 8am, more like 7am. He said that's how his parents were. I got that one taken care of quickly, but the financial one remains.

 

Kelly

[SquirrellyMama]

What kinds of things are you looking to budget? Groceries? Electricity? Gifts? 

 

What works for us is:

 

Groceries - I average out how much I spend in a month and make that my grocery budget. I'm not as strict about this as I need to be, but when I was being strict, I'd take out cash every pay period for 2 weeks of groceries and make it last. 

 

Electricity - I use the monthly budget plan that our electric company offers. They adjust up or down every three months if needed and it keeps us from having ridiculously high electric bills in the winter. 

 

Gifts - I have a "christmas and gift" savings account that I put a set amount of money into each paycheck. 

 

Car repairs - I do the same as Christmas and gifts

 

Medical bills - I keep trying to talk DH into an HSA, but he's annoyingly against it, so I try to set money aside for that too. 

 

I'm trying to do clothing, groceries and household items.  The other stuff goes into savings or is the same every month like utilities. He has an elaborate budget, but I have a hard time with food, toiletries, clothing, and other household items.

 

Kelly

 

[Punks in Ontario]

I don't think we do things quite like you're doing.  I keep records in a bookkeeping program on the computer, so I know what we spend per week/month on just about any category I want.  This is what I budget with.  BTW, dh leaves most of the budgeting up to me since I'm the chief bookkeeper and procurement officer.  It's not that he's disinterested, just a division of labour.

 

I do keep track of grocery prices in an app on my ipod (no I don't have an iphone) which I update regularly.  If it is totally up to date it will tell me what the grocery list will cost.  It never is that up to date.

 

If dh was upset about how much I was spending, I would likely kindly tell him to show me how to manage within his expectations.  IOW he could do the groceries for a couple of weeks.  If he could do better then me, it could become his job.  Dh knows waaaay better than to try this!

[regentrude]

Who is responsible for, and has experience with, each part of the family expenses? That person should set the budget in that area.

 

For example, it would make no sense to have my DH set a food budget if I am the one who does the grocery shopping every week or budget homeschool curricula if I am the one researching materials and doing the schooling- and it would make no sense for me to budget car maintenance cost when it is DH who always takes care of that.

 

[fairfarmhand]

And why be upset about that number if you are not being wasteful? I mean if you're doing the best that you can, then what you need to spend is what you need for the household.

[KungFuPanda]

If he doesn't make the lists or do the shopping, he may not be qualified to come up with a real life budget for those items.  He needs to either understand the entire process, or hand it off to someone who does.  If he is consistently disappointed that his unrealistic expectations cannot be met he is manufacturing unnecessary tension.

 

ETA:  If he thinks your food budget is to high.  It may help to go back and look at what you spend over the last 3-6 months.  Does he feel it is too much?  Does he feel he ATE too much or too well?  If the answer to both is no, the amount spent is probably what your budget should be.  However, if the answer is yes, or if you have too much food waste, you may be able to adjust a bit and lower the budget.  However, just tossing out a number that is what you would LIKE to spend but has no basis in reality is a recipe for disappointment and disagreement. If he wants meat every night, but gives you a vegetarian budget, that's nuts.  If you are cooking so much food that you are throwing away servings that could be meals, you all could adjust to eat more leftovers.

Edited December 16, 2015 by KungFuPanda

[Aiden]

I prefer to overbudget. I don't get angry, but I do get anxious when we approach the limits of our budget. I like to see those "extra" amounts add up so that when we do go over--as we always do at holidays, for example, no matter how much extra I budget that month--we have enough to cover it. For me, it's a security thing. I feel more secure when we have plenty of money in each budget category.

 

In your situation, I'd have a frank conversation with my husband about what he expects. For one thing, it is unreasonable to set an annual grocery budget, if that's what you're doing, or even to set a set-in-stone monthly budget. It makes much more sense to have a budget template that you make adjustments to each month, to account for the natural variations in spending patterns. It also is unreasonable to get angry when you spend your budgeted amount--it may be reasonable to feel angry if you go over, but not if you meet it. It also is unreasonable to set a tight budget, especially if you know you prefer to have money left over, unless your finances are such that you really can't afford to spend more than that tight budget.

 

Also, who makes the budget? In our family, I make it because I do most of the purchasing, but my husband looks over it and sometimes suggests changes, so we both have ownership of it. If he demanded that I set an unreasonably low grocery budget, I'd explain to him that it wouldn't work and that if he insisted on trying it, he'd be doing the meal planning for the month and that I would not accept the blame if the necessary ingredients cost more than he budgeted.

 

I like the system we use. We lived very frugally for a few months so that we saved a full month's income. Ever since then, we've lived off the previous month's income, so that at the beginning of the month, we already know exactly how much money we can spend that month. We make a new budget every month--some things are the same, such as savings where we've calculated how much we need per month to reach a goal, and a few fixed expenses. Other things vary. For example, we budget more for food in November and December, as well as any month in which we're going on vacation and will be eating out more. This system also allows me to keep track of what we're actually spending and make adjustments to the budget relatively quickly--if I budget $500 for groceries but spend $600, even while being careful, then I know that in my next budget I should budget more for groceries and less for something else.

[Tap]

Oh man, that would drive me nutty!

 

I overestimate and often pay my bills months ahead of time. I hate thinking about bills, so I get them out of the way. I pay daycare (fixed rate) 3 months at a time, so I only have to pay it 4 times per year.  Our garbage, sewer, cable, insurance and other fixed rate bills are sometimes paid a year at a time.  They often give a bit of a discount to do so, so it doesn't cost us anything on lost interest.   Then over the next year, we have a set amount pulled out of our account automatically and it goes into a special savings account.  Once a year, dh uses that fund to pay all of our fixed rate bills.  If there is a rate hike, the amount is adjusted when we are aware of the bill.  We tend to round up, so there is usually a bit of excess in there anyways in case something unexpected comes up.

 

Dh and I both tend to round up to the nearest $10 on budgeting for smaller (under $100) things. We tend to round up by $100 for larger items like a couch. That way if we get a surprise expense, we always have a cushion in the main budget, then we don't have to use the savings for minor things.

Edited December 16, 2015 by Tap

[Carol in Cal.]

Is he concerned because you are not living within your means, or are doing so but not saving for retirement or college?

If you're spending more than you bring in, then something does have to change.  If not, and it's a savings issue, it depends on whether your income picture is temporary or more likely to be permanent.  If it's neither, then he is being unreasonable and controlling.  Having said that, it used to be pretty common for WOTH dads to give their wives an allowance to run the household, and it was the SAHW's job to stay within it.  He might have grown up like that and doesn't realize or accept that that doesn't fit your relationship. 

 

I don't recall whether you are Christian or not, but if so, I would encourage you to remember that God gives us blessings to use wisely but also to use to care for ourselves, to help the poor and spread the Gospel, to save wisely, to pay our taxes, and TO ENJOY.  That last point doesn't get much airtime sometimes, but it's true.  Being totally miserly is really not Godly.

 

Here's a reference for that:  I Tim. 6:  17As for the rich in this present age, charge them not to be haughty, nor to set their hopes on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly provides us with everything to enjoy. 18They are to do good, to be rich in good works, to be generous and ready to share, 19thus storing up treasure for themselves as a good foundation for the future, so that they may take hold of that which is truly life.

[AmandaVT]

If he's grumbling about food costs, take him to the store with you. Our grocery bills have gone up so much over the past 14 years (since we have been together) it's ridiculous. DH has been amazed at the grocery bill a few times in the past and was shocked at the prices when I took him shopping with me. He sees how much we have in our pantry/fridge and knows we're not buying all the expensive food and wasting it, so we just suck it up and pay more.

[BlsdMama]

When planning expenses I tend to overestimate what we'll need, and if we come in under it I'm happy. My husband tends to underestimate what we need, and if we come in under it he's happy. If we hit his number or go over he's mad. I'm really trying to get him to understand that we should be able to go up to the number he budgets without frustration.

 

I don't know that it is possible to hit the number right on usually, because of price increases or just not knowing how much of something we'll need.

 

What do other people do? We're having trouble staying within his budget so I'm making a list of everything I can think of that we'll need in the next year. I'm writing down approximate prices and how many we'll need of each item. Anyone else do something like this? Does it help?

 

I used to have a price book of commonly bought food items and best prices. It seemed to help, I think.

 

Kelly

 

 

I budget like your husband.  It's stupid and ridiculous.  It comes from someone who is generally very positive and proactive (THIS month I'll be way under budget and save X amount) and then ends up being frustrating.

[momee]

I would guess he has anxiety about money as well.  I do all the budgeting, bill paying, anything regarding managing the house.  I get squirrely about things sometimes and it comes out in the oddest of areas.  

 

Money is alot of pressure.  Communication would be very helpful.

 

Our situation is different, all the input (and pressure really) is on me if I overspend.  DH makes it, I'm responsible for everything after that.

 

I use YNAB.  I find it helps me to look longer term than 1 or 2 months.  Also, never look at holiday spending months.  Those are always wonky.  Even electric bills.

[momee]

Carol in Ca - thanks much for that reply.  It was a gift to me to read today of all days.

[AK_Mom4]

DH does all the grocery shopping.  He is currently doing all the bill paying (we have swapped off at various times in the last 25 years), so if I am going to spend more than about $100, I check with him to make sure that he hasn't allocated that money to something else.  So DH has a budget of what he wants to spend each month and we pretty much stick to it.

 

One thing that has helped over the years is the "20% contingency fund".  Pay yourself %20 off the top of the paycheck into a contingency fund.  When we were broke in the early years, it wasn't easy - especially when medical bills from having kids were beating us up pretty bad.   That 20% was our cushion for when expenses came up or it rolled into savings.  Some years, it meant we actually got to take a vacation!

 

In your situation, OP, I would add 15-20% to your DH's numbers for each line item in the budget each month.  Call it a Safety Net or a Contingency Fund or an Emergency Fund or whatever.  It's your protection against the price of bread going up another $1 a loaf or gas prices not being under $2 next April.

[carriede]

If he's grumbling about food costs, take him to the store with you. Our grocery bills have gone up so much over the past 14 years (since we have been together) it's ridiculous. DH has been amazed at the grocery bill a few times in the past and was shocked at the prices when I took him shopping with me. He sees how much we have in our pantry/fridge and knows we're not buying all the expensive food and wasting it, so we just suck it up and pay more.

This. DH was upset about the food budget recently, and we had a discussion about what had been purchased that month. We don't splurge and do buy store brand items and I do a LOT of home cooking, so there's not that much room to trim. Rising food prices and a growing family do not a small bottom line make.

 

We adjust and move on.

[Carol in Cal.]

While you're setting up that margin, or contingency fund, do like we used to do.  Figure out the approximate total of all of your non-monthly but recurring costs.  These are things like property taxes, home and car insurance, and Christmas/birthday/wedding gifts.  Then add in some estimate of car maintenance.  Add those all up and divide by 12.  Then try to set aside that much each month for those bills that tend to throw you off.  When the bill comes in, if you can pay it out of your checking account do so, but if there isn't enough for that, use the set aside amount.  Every once in a while if you build up leftovers in the set aside account, talk about whether to put them into longterm savings or for a project or college fund or whatever.

[Annie G]

He needs to have a budget number based on realistic spending.  So there has to be a discussion about where his numbers came from. And if the numbers are consistently off, you'll have to show him why his numbers aren't going to work. 

 

I'd suggest keeping detailed records of spending for three months to give you a start on seeing your trends.  But numbers change and what you spent this year might not work next year. Gas is cheaper here this year but groceries are more expensive. 

 

I make a spreadsheet for the upcoming year, by month, detailing the spending that I expect. Things like kid/grandkid birthdays, the car insurance that's paid twice a year, annual trips like our traditional day in Chicago every Christmas. That way I can anticipate it and when some months have too much, I can plan ahead (I'm looking at you, June, with your two kid birthdays and two grandkids birthdays, along with car insurance and a weekend getaway dh and I go to every year).  That way I don't fritter away my 'extra' money in the two previous months. I know to put it aside. 

 

I really find it encouraging to set my budget a tad high and then bask in success when I come in under budget. Even if it's just a couple of dollars, I love that feeling.  If I had anxiety I think under budgeting would just make me more anxious.  

 

I hope you guys can team up and find a happy medium that works for both of you.  :grouphug:

[momee]

YNAB video on the whack a mole rule.  This undoubtedly is something I find helpful when I stress over getting my budget amounts "wrong".  They're not wrong necessarily.  A budget is based on an idea of what you're going to spend, giving your dollars a job when you get paid.  It's a plan.

Plans do change.  Especially with a growing family.  I don't think I've ever once hit my estimated amount on anything as I budget, except monthly fixed expenses.  Even the phone bill occasionally changes.

Have you heard of YNAB?  It has seriously changed the way our family lives today.  I am a MUCH better financial manager because of it.

 

http://www.youneedabudget.com/method/rule-three

Edited December 16, 2015 by momee

[Arcadia]

I used to have a price book of commonly bought food items and best prices. It seemed to help, I think.

We have a price book in our head of essentials. It helpe because we know when there is a price hike rather than just guessing. For example, rice went way up for awhile so we bought more when the price went down near to our usual prices.

 

We overestimate all our budget items. It is less stressful for us that way even when money was tight. For example, we estimate gasoline at $4/gallon and we are happy when it is lower and not too worried when it hit over the $4 mark on occasion. Excess money just gets roll into emergency savings.

[momee]

This is from the YNAB website as well.  Thought it might encourage you with re: to OP

No Budget Failures, Just Lots of Adjustments

Let’s say you give your money a job to replace the leaky toilet in the bathroom. You’re not a plumber, but you guess that the repair will cost $100, so that $100 goes into the ‘Leaky Toilet’ category.  It’s a guess.  You’re not naming children or picking a spouse.  (Setting up a category just for leaky toilets isn’t considered a best practice. You’d usually want to be a bit more general with your categories, such as “Home Repairs.†Unless, of course, your toilets leak all the time.)

The plumber comes and, wouldn’t you know it, it rings up at $150.

You suppress your instinct to collapse in a heap on the floor and wail that budgets are a failure. Instead, you look at your budget, see that you have $30 you can move from ‘Squeaky Toys for Fido’ and $20 that can be spared from the black-hole category known as ‘Miscellaneous.’  You make the adjustment, bumping up your ‘Leaking Toilet’ category from $100 to $150.

This type of adjusting is normal, expected, and encouraged.  It means you’re setting a plan, then adjusting that plan as new information arrives.  You may simply want to spend more money on entertainment than you originally thought you would.  Because every dollar has a job, the extra for entertainment will have to come from somewhere. You look things over, get a gauge on your priorities, and make the adjustment.

[AmandaVT]

While you're setting up that margin, or contingency fund, do like we used to do.  Figure out the approximate total of all of your non-monthly but recurring costs.  These are things like property taxes, home and car insurance, and Christmas/birthday/wedding gifts.  Then add in some estimate of car maintenance.  Add those all up and divide by 12.  Then try to set aside that much each month for those bills that tend to throw you off.  When the bill comes in, if you can pay it out of your checking account do so, but if there isn't enough for that, use the set aside amount.  Every once in a while if you build up leftovers in the set aside account, talk about whether to put them into longterm savings or for a project or college fund or whatever.

 

This is what I do - I set aside money in separate accounts for property taxes, Christmas/gifts, car repair and expenses, etc. It was so nice this year to transfer money from my Christmas fund to my checking account and do my Christmas shopping from that. Same with winter tires. I knew I'd need them this year, so I set aside money each paycheck until it was time to get my tires. Transferred it over and spending $800 on tires didn't hurt the bottom line in the checking account. 

[SquirrellyMama]

Here is how our budgeting is done.  We have a spreadsheet for expected spending and one for actual spending. We have our 3 months emergency fund and funded categories for car, summer activities, gifts, vacations, etc... We we use Dave Ramsey's budgeting ideas.

 

My biggest problem is food. I think I find my main purpose in feeding my family. Not that what I feed them is love, but all my preparations is love. He really couldn't care less about food. or at least he thinks he couldn't ;) He doesn't see the value in fresh fruits/veggies over canned. Or whole wheat over white. He'd rather the cheapest ingredients over better ingredients. That's where our food budget clashes come from.

 

The other issue is I feel like I can't win. At one point early in our marriage we decided that we wanted to save X amount of money, and after that we'd do a house repair. Well, we got to X amount, and he decided that he wanted to get to XX amount before we did the repair. On and on it went. That's his style.  I need a little celebration after each goal. He is very much internally motivated, while I am externally motivated. 

 

Well, I'm hoping these lists make it a little better. I think we're both trying to do our best, just not together.

 

Kelly

[momee]

"The other issue is I feel like I can't win. At one point early in our marriage we decided that we wanted to save X amount of money, and after that we'd do a house repair. Well, we got to X amount, and he decided that he wanted to get to XX amount before we did the repair. On and on it went. That's his style.  I need a little celebration after each goal. He is very much internally motivated, while I am externally motivated."

 

DH and I were the same way, and he just opted out of budgeting.  Not intentionally, I think he just decided I could handle it and he could do his part by earning it, lol.

 

I have no advice if you've already watched Dave Ramsey.  He was helpful in our realizing we're just going to be different and that's ok. 

[Annie G]

Here is how our budgeting is done.  We have a spreadsheet for expected spending and one for actual spending. We have our 3 months emergency fund and funded categories for car, summer activities, gifts, vacations, etc... We we use Dave Ramsey's budgeting ideas.

 

My biggest problem is food. I think I find my main purpose in feeding my family. Not that what I feed them is love, but all my preparations is love. He really couldn't care less about food. or at least he thinks he couldn't ;) He doesn't see the value in fresh fruits/veggies over canned. Or whole wheat over white. He'd rather the cheapest ingredients over better ingredients. That's where our food budget clashes come from.

 

The other issue is I feel like I can't win. At one point early in our marriage we decided that we wanted to save X amount of money, and after that we'd do a house repair. Well, we got to X amount, and he decided that he wanted to get to XX amount before we did the repair. On and on it went. That's his style.  I need a little celebration after each goal. He is very much internally motivated, while I am externally motivated. 

 

Well, I'm hoping these lists make it a little better. I think we're both trying to do our best, just not together.

 

Kelly

 

I feel very much the same way about food. I understand how you think!

 

As far as budgeting for yearly expenses, I have a different approach than most people. I have my yearly list of items, by month, and I put money aside for them based on month.  So for instance, I don't decide how much I'm going to spend for Christmas and put money aside every month for that. Instead, I toss money into my 'off' account and note on my spreadsheet when something is funded and in the bank.

 

So right now I have all of the odd expenses for January and February funded.  I just came in under budget on our home heating so I took that extra and transferred it into the odd account and earmarked it for an anticipated expense in March.

 

You know why? Because I can celebrate small wins.  It's a mental game I play.   So far I haven't dipped into the money I had put aside for Christmas- I've funded it out of my household allowance. So if I finish shopping without needing to use what I put aside, I simply reassign that money to another goal. Like next Christmas. How cool to have NEXT Christmas funded.   

[Carol in Cal.]

Dave Ramsey has some good stuff, but I think he is a bit too doctrinaire and borderline abusive toward people making some adjustments to his program.  I like Larry Burkett's books better.  They cover much the same ground, but with more grace.  And not as loudly, LOL.

 

But really, a lot of husbands don't think that what homemakers do is really all that important.  That makes for unhappiness.  And it's not loving their wives like Christ loves the Church, either.  Food for thought.

 

Regarding food priorities, can you position this as, "I have studied and now have considerable expertise in healthy eating, and just as you provide for our family with your career, which I don't question, I would appreciate it if you would let me provide for our family by feeding everyone healthy, delicious food, and not question my choices in that area."

Edited December 17, 2015 by Carol in Cal.

[Carol in Cal.]

 

You know why? Because I can celebrate small wins.  It's a mental game I play.   So far I haven't dipped into the money I had put aside for Christmas- I've funded it out of my household allowance. So if I finish shopping without needing to use what I put aside, I simply reassign that money to another goal. Like next Christmas. How cool to have NEXT Christmas funded.   

I do the 'celebrating small wins' thing, too.

How I do it, since interest rates are so low in banks right now, is pay extra when I can.

So I usually have a credit balance on my nuisance bills like electric or water, because I pay a little more than the 'current charges' every month, and build up to the point where I have more on account with them than the bill is for, and can skip a payment if things are tight down the road.

 

I do this with phone, utility, and credit card bills.  It doesn't work for mortgage payments, but it does for just about everything else.

Edited December 16, 2015 by Carol in Cal.

[momee]

"but I think he is a bit too doctrinaire and borderline abusive toward people making some adjustments to his program."

 

Agreed.  It's a shame too because I like his instruction except for that part of his demeanor.  Like the term "idiot".  We don't say stupid here, lol.

[mamiof5]

No budgeting here. We are not wasteful, but don't micromanage every penny. Don't have the time for that.

[Catwoman]

Does your dh get upset when you go over budget because you are spending more money than he earns, or is he just a bit of a cheapskate who either wants to save more money than is realistically possible, or who is just plain lousy at estimating how much things cost?

[nd293]

I went through credit card statements for a year for utilities, added each, increased by 10% then worked out the average. For groceries I went through for just a couple if months. By going through the credit card statements I pretty effectively identified everything we spend money on in a year. I used to set aside money for small but unpredictable things like birthday gifts for children's parties. Now I have a larger

miscellaneous account but am very aware that it needs to build up over the year.

 

As for going over budget, sometimes the budget is clearly at fault. Then I up that figure and reduce another so we still come out on our income. In other words, I rework the budget. Sometimes it goes over one month (say water bill in summer) and we carry that from our slush fund until things even out in future budget periods. Sometimes we consciously cut down the next month to get things in balance (eg groceries). Occasionally there is an unavoidable unexpected expense, or a stupid costly mistake. Then I shuffle money from all the accumated overestimated expenses into the underestimated expense (I run each extra expense as a separate 'envelope' on an Excel sheet, and unspent funds just accumulate). Dh doesn't look at the budget. He knows how much he has to spend on personal stuff and if I need him to cut down to keep in budget I say so, but mostly things just tick along. I fill in all expenses on my spreadsheet, so usually 'check-in' with the budget twice a week and can take preemptive action if we're running over.

[RootAnn]

What really helped see the big picture was taking some of those sites that tell you what 'most households' spend on things (% of income) and compare them to what we spend. Our budget is ridiculously low in some areas (like clothing & housing) and right on or just above in most others (like food & utilities). Realizing that our budget wasn't out of line -- and was, in fact, better than most people's - even with 7 people living here - was key to some adjustments to unrealistically low expectations overall.

[SquirrellyMama]

Does your dh get upset when you go over budget because you are spending more money than he earns, or is he just a bit of a cheapskate who either wants to save more money than is realistically possible, or who is just plain lousy at estimating how much things cost?

 

We don't use credit cards so we aren't overspending what we make. He has an idea of what he wants and gets upset when it doesn't make it. And I know I'm not innocent. Sometimes I just give up, I can't handle the pressure. If I feel like I'm always doing it wrong I do give up. I'm trying to be better by making these price lists. So far every one I've done has come up over $100 more than what he usually budgets.

 

We'll be able to look at these lists and see where we can cut, or where prices are just higher than his expectations.

 

Kelly

[QueenCat]

We don't use credit cards so we aren't overspending what we make. He has an idea of what he wants and gets upset when it doesn't make it. And I know I'm not innocent. Sometimes I just give up, I can't handle the pressure. If I feel like I'm always doing it wrong I do give up. I'm trying to be better by making these price lists. So far every one I've done has come up over $100 more than what he usually budgets.

 

We'll be able to look at these lists and see where we can cut, or where prices are just higher than his expectations.

 

Kelly

 

It really sounds to me like he needs to add $100+ to your grocery budget and take it away from somewhere else if necessary. You shouldn't have to cut on buying healthy, good food for your family unless the money is truly not there.

[luuknam]

That'd drive me nuts. I get being annoyed if the budget is $300 and $301 was spent, or if you're leaving at 8:01 when the agreement was 8:00. It's a little petty, but I get it. But being angry at spending $290 when the budget was $300 or at leaving at 8:00 when the agreement was 8:00? No. That would not work for me. I'd tell him that anything up to and including the budgeted amount and anything up to and including the scheduled leaving time are fair game, and if he can't accept that, he'd better go schedule time and budget money to go discuss that with a therapist.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Interesting.  I overestimate and my husband underestimates.  I handle the day to day bills so he isn't involved with that part, but when it's something big we usually decide together.  The last thing was the roof.  The guy gave him an estimate.  My husband took that to be the final price (why he does not know the definition of estimate is beyond me), so he borrowed the exact amount.  I told him that was not a good idea and that he should have borrowed more just in case.  I was right.  So we had to scramble to make up the difference.  Hopefully he learned his lesson.

 

For day to day stuff, he has no sense for what stuff costs. 

[zoobie]

We don't use credit cards so we aren't overspending what we make. He has an idea of what he wants and gets upset when it doesn't make it. And I know I'm not innocent. Sometimes I just give up, I can't handle the pressure. If I feel like I'm always doing it wrong I do give up. I'm trying to be better by making these price lists. So far every one I've done has come up over $100 more than what he usually budgets.

 

We'll be able to look at these lists and see where we can cut, or where prices are just higher than his expectations.

 

Kelly

That's way too much unnecessary stress and micromanaging. For both of you! Decide on an (overestimated) amount. Pass it to the household budget account (set up a cheap, free, no-frills account), and then hands off. Unless you've had problems in the past with OCD spending issues or addictions, you are perfectly capable of buying groceries and household needs without this level of harassment. You're not out buying crack or gambling! It's demeaning to be treated as untrustworthy with your own money--and buying wheat bread is not extravagant! I would've lost my mind by now. :grouphug:

[SparklyUnicorn]

We don't use credit cards so we aren't overspending what we make. He has an idea of what he wants and gets upset when it doesn't make it. And I know I'm not innocent. Sometimes I just give up, I can't handle the pressure. If I feel like I'm always doing it wrong I do give up. I'm trying to be better by making these price lists. So far every one I've done has come up over $100 more than what he usually budgets.

 

We'll be able to look at these lists and see where we can cut, or where prices are just higher than his expectations.

 

Kelly

 

Ugh price lists?!  That seems very daunting.  And the prices change constantly at the grocery store.  I just shop sales.  For the basics I know what is the usual price because I buy those items frequently.

 

If he isn't the one doing the shopping, not sure he has a right to complain. 

[TammyinTN]

I take my budget out in cash...this way I can never go over.    

 

Monthly bills are on a schedule...at the end of the year we usually get a refund for our overages we paid.  This way I know what amount to budget each month--gas, electricity, etc.

 

I'm working super hard to save and telling myself no a lot to be able to stick to the plan.

 

 

[carriede]

Ew... price books. That's too much work for me... I greatly prefer just a monthly budget. Prices fluctuate way too much.

 

There was a time that DH wanted the grocery bill to be lower. We discussed the types of things we were eating and decided that there wasn't a lot of splurging, so what else could we do? I suggested getting less meat and subsitutuing meatless meals and beans a couple nights a week. Okay, we had a plan.

 

I did that for about a month, and our spending did indeed decrease. But DH was no longer looking forward to meal times and became unhappy with what I was making.

 

So we had to make a CHOICE as to what we wanted to spend our money on. To DH, more meat was worth the higher cost. And that's fine. We may have decided the opposite too, and that would have been fine.

 

Also, we could AFFORD to have that extra to go toward food. If we couldn't actually budget that amount, it wouldn't matter. Sure, it takes money away from other things, but that's the decision we made.

 

While I am the one to deal with the day to day expenses, we made the budget TOGETHER. And if we consistently overspend in a particular category (like we have recently on clothing), we reevaluate. This usually means I come up with a new budget, then have him look over it to get his opinion.

 

I do think your DH needs to mean what he says and say what he means. If he actually wants the budget to come in at $500, he should say $500, not $600.

 

I also like a PP's experience of having him go shopping with you or do one trip on his own. My DH does a lot more shopping right after we have a new baby so he tends to get a 2 year refresher on expectations. It also helps him realize why I don't bring many treats home, much to his dismay. ;)

[Carol in Cal.]

You know, there are a lot of upward pressures on food prices.

 

California has experienced a horrendous years long drought that has impacted availability and prices of fruits, nuts, and veggies nationwide.  (BTW, if you can grow some of your own stuff, do.  If you can plant fruit trees or grow herbs or veggies from seed, you will save a lot of money.)

 

There was a horrible die off of beef (or dairy, but I think beef) cattle a couple of years ago in the early blizzards in the Dakotas, that has reduced quantities and raised prices for that to this day.

 

There was also a horrible drought in the Midwest to Southeast a few years back that had people killing their dairy cattle because that was cheaper than feeding them.

 

I think that the only thing that is saving our prices is that the price of petroleum for diesel fuel is so artificially low right now, and that can't possibly last.  So I think that food prices are going to go up A LOT in the next five years, maybe even double.  People should be planning for this.

[SquirrellyMama]

I have learned a lot putting together these price lists, like the fact that we spend almost $500/year in kitty litter.  Wowza!

 

Kelly

[Prairie~Phlox]

I have learned a lot putting together these price lists, like the fact that we spend almost $500/year in kitty litter. Wowza!

 

Kelly

Dang, how many cats do you have? I only buy Fresh Step & normally watch for a sale, like this week if you buy 2 @ $10.97, you automatically get $6 off, I also have a $4/$40 on pet supplies, so I will stock up on litter & food.

[SquirrellyMama]

Dang, how many cats do you have? I only buy Fresh Step & normally watch for a sale, like this week if you buy 2 @ $10.97, you automatically get $6 off, I also have a $4/$40 on pet supplies, so I will stock up on litter & food.

We have 4 cats, and they poop a lot :)

[wintermom]

Here is how our budgeting is done.  We have a spreadsheet for expected spending and one for actual spending. We have our 3 months emergency fund and funded categories for car, summer activities, gifts, vacations, etc... We we use Dave Ramsey's budgeting ideas.

 

My biggest problem is food. I think I find my main purpose in feeding my family. Not that what I feed them is love, but all my preparations is love. He really couldn't care less about food. or at least he thinks he couldn't ;) He doesn't see the value in fresh fruits/veggies over canned. Or whole wheat over white. He'd rather the cheapest ingredients over better ingredients. That's where our food budget clashes come from.

 

The other issue is I feel like I can't win. At one point early in our marriage we decided that we wanted to save X amount of money, and after that we'd do a house repair. Well, we got to X amount, and he decided that he wanted to get to XX amount before we did the repair. On and on it went. That's his style.  I need a little celebration after each goal. He is very much internally motivated, while I am externally motivated. 

 

Well, I'm hoping these lists make it a little better. I think we're both trying to do our best, just not together.

 

Kelly

 

Everyone likes, and deserves, celebration after successfully reaching a goal. This business of raising the goal without any discussion with others or acknowledging the actual achievement of pre-designated goals, is a great way to annoy everyone around you and destroy relationships. 

Edited December 18, 2015 by wintermom

[lllll]

nm

Edited December 28, 2015 by w11

[Arcadia]

Does your husband have money anxiety? My hubby was worried to spend until we have emergency funds because his previous employers (tech companies) were in the red and there were many restructuring and layoffs. His current employer is doing well but has freeze hiring for some time.

 

I am used to having disposable income so what we did was to agree on fun money. I was annoyed enough to start looking for a job because hubby was too worried to spend even when we have a decent amount in savings.

 

Our patio door still doesn't have curtains or blinds after nine years. At first it was because we couldn't afford it when we bought our condo. Now it is because we would have to move furniture around for the contractors to install patio screens. So home improvement projects take forever :P