S/O Do you Spend Equally on Each Child for Holiday Gifts?

[Prairie~Phlox]

I usually try to make sure retail values are very similar.  I add up all the regular prices NOT the sale prices.   They know we try very hard to keep spending amount the same for each child.  

 

This is what I do.  I bought dd a $40 toaster but paid $12.00oop  and a GF cookbook to go with it that I paid very little OOP pocket for..  DS's are getting a $50 set of Sockets that were on sale for $24.99 each.  So I count all of those about the same retail price. 

[Annie G]

As a teenager, I once got an envelope for something like $4.32 -- because that's how much more my mom spent on my brother and sister than on me.   :lol:

 

 

I try to keep the number of gifts about even.  With 5 boys and 1 girl, we spend more individually of ds because most of the dds will share presents.

 

Early on in our marriage, dh's mom did this to him! She had a set budget for everyone and she came in under budget on his and put the money in an envelope and taped it to his gift. It was under $5, and exact change was in the envelope.  I'm kind of glad to hear someone else had this happen. It sure was weird. 

[AimeeM]

For children with less of an age difference, and who are on the younger end, I focus more on an equal number of gifts, rather than an equal amount.

 

Our oldest (DD14) has more expensive, higher quality, gifts than her much younger brothers. She is LONG past caring that she doesn't get "as many" gifts as her brothers, and thoroughly enjoys helping to pick out their many "more" presents. 

 

We prefer to get what they really want, and what they really care about having.

[callapidder]

I aim for an equal number of gifts under the tree (usually 3-5, depending on the year), and they are things they've asked for or that I know they will love. Stockings are more random. And I try to keep totals in the same ballpark, but am not really worried about spending an "equal" amount on each. My mom was always determined to spend an equal amount, to the point where she would go buy some penny candy or little dollar-store type toys for stockings to compensate for the last few cents of inequality. 

[2ndGenHomeschooler]

Our DC are still young so we try to do an equal number of gifts for each of them. They don't know how much things cost but they can certainly count and would notice if they received fewer gifts than a sibling! The specific number of gifts changes from year to year based on our budget and the cost of what they want. Some years they get one large gift with a couple of smaller things. Other years they get more because they're all smaller things. There's always shared gifts too - CDs, games, etc.

 

I'm sure this will change as they get older (probably soon) and start to understand the value of things and have more expensive things on their wish lists.

Edited December 15, 2015 by 2ndgenhomeschooler

[BlsdMama]

We give three gifts in remembrance of the three gifts they gave Christ plus"swaddling clothes" i.e. pajamas. ;)

 

The amount varies widely... oldest DS is getting a needed cell phone, a new set of tires, and a GPS... all useful and kind of fun if you're a sixteen year old boy? But I think we spent a grand total of about $35 on the baby. Normally we are pretty thrifty in out spending, but we do try to get USEFUL fun gifts rather than stuff that just takes up space in order to put something under the tree.

[Mommy22alyns]

We give three gifts in remembrance of the three gifts they gave Christ plus"swaddling clothes" i.e. pajamas. ;)

 

The amount varies widely... oldest DS is getting a needed cell phone, a new set of tires, and a GPS... all useful and kind of fun if you're a sixteen year old boy? But I think we spent a grand total of about $35 on the baby. Normally we are pretty thrifty in out spending, but we do try to get USEFUL fun gifts rather than stuff that just takes up space in order to put something under the tree.

 

We also do the three gifts for the same reason, but I love the "swaddling clothes" addition!

[TammyinTN]

I'm a mom to three...and we spend about (with $10 dollars) on all the big kids and their spouses.   I'm a Nana to 5 and 4 of the 5 got the same learning system and the baby got something awesome he will love.  All gifts were within the same price range.   The only difference is color on their device.  This is what the parents wanted and it made for easy shopping for Nana and Papa. :)

 

 

Edited December 15, 2015 by TammyinVA

[sassenach]

I do try to keep it even, but we do the whole something you want, something you need, something to wear and something to read thing, so that makes it fairly easy. So each kid gets 4, but sometimes "wear" is a bundle and I don't split hairs about that. Read ends up always being even. Want is where there's a range, but generally the want is the one thing the kid wanted more than anything, so they're happy about it, whatever the cost and not worried about comparing themselves to sibs. Need has ranged to as big as a bike and as little as an umbrella. But the bike year was bikes all around, so it was still even.

 

Anyhow, our budget is fairly tight, so there's not going to be a huge range in spending. This year dd18 wanted 1 thing, and the rest she wants in cash to go towards a big goal. So that's what we're doing. I think she thinks we spend more than we do on presents (which I told her), but that's her desire so that's what she'll get.

 

 

 

 

[abba12]

We keep it fairly even, but we are far from strict about it. I think this year eldest got the most money spent, middle we spent about 10% less, and youngest we spent about 30% less because youngest is too young to notice and we were able to bulk out her 'count' with a number of cheap items like balls and baby stuff. 

 

We try to keep present count fairly even, and will buy consumable items, necessary items or cheap things like beach balls for little ones so that the bigger ones see their sister opening presents too. Though I do expect the quantity of presents will go down when they reach their teens (or perhaps it will switch to one large present and a bunch of needs/consumables/little things to still give them something to open)

[Holly]

I make sure everyone has the same number of packages to open.  They each take a turn opening their gift, so it would be very noticeable if one was short a gift.  Price wise, I don't drive myself crazy of the exact amount, but I try to make sure it's somewhat close.  For example, this year they all have one "big gift" in the $20-35 dollar range as well as a few smaller gifts for $5-12.  I tried to make their big gifts closer in cost, but it's difficult to do with the older DC.  

 

I keep a list of what I buy for each child so I can keep it fairly even.  I don't keep track of exact amounts.

[UCF612]

I try to make sure things have a relatively equal match appearance wise. My kids are too young or clueless to know dollar amounts. I don't want one to have a ton more to open just because the other has more expensive stuff. Both generally get one bigger gift (usually the thing they want most) and then I just equal out content from there based on needs and wants. A book for one, a book for the other. One gets slippers, the other gets a small bank (those equal to me because they are small needs). Etc, etc....

[texasmama]

I do what the OP does.  We do not spend a noticeable amount more on one child's gift than another's.  We would not buy one an iPad and one a deck of cards, for instance.  We get what they want/need/would enjoy.  Our kids often like the same things so we try to divide these things up and if we see one kids' pile a lot bigger, we may move a game or something over to another kids' pile.  None of the kids has ever acted hurt or upset that things are not exactly the same.  They are grateful for what they get.

[SproutMamaK]

We buy a similar number of gifts for each child. They each always get a new shirt, new PJs, a new book (or new books, each kid gets the same amount), and then at least one toy/game. They have no idea whose books/PJs/shirts/toys cost more or less. We just try to make sure they all get approximately the same number of gifts. If one kid got a HUGE gift they would be fine with having less, but generally the "large" gifts we give are shared amongst the kids anyway.

[maize]

I would try to avoid a perception of inequality. We mostly do small stocking stuffers and a joint family gift, so that is easy.

[RioSamba]

I make sure each child has the same number of gifts, and I keep the budget roughly equal. When someone wants a big ticket item then some of their other gifts will be of the more token variety. If I end up with a huge bargain on one gift I don't feel that I need to spend the money saved . We don't talk about the cost of gifts, so no one is the wiser. Except me!

[lea_lpz]

Typically go for the same amount of gifts and a similar price range but not too hung up on it. For example, for my 1 year old, we'll likely spend less than my 6, 8, & 11 year old because the items I think she'll like are less expensive. I would ever have a huge price difference but there are some year one child might really need a pricier item than the other children. For example, three years in a row we got one kid a new bike, so that was a "bigger" gift, but they all ended up with nice new bikes when they were old enough to need one that would last a few years.

[Elfknitter.#]

I have to budget, so gifts are purchased on a monetary amount. Within the budget, we strive to get what each child wants/needs. I also like to get each a book. Pjs for Giftmas night do not come from this budget.

[Catwoman]

Well, even if I tried to keep it equal when they opened gifts from their siblings things would quickly get out of whack but I suppose they know it's from their siblings.

 

I don't think my children keep track. Half the time they are more excited about the others opening the gift they got them then they are opening their own gift. My third child keeps asking if my fourth child can open the gift he got him since he put under the tree a few days ago. He is sure he can earn money to buy him another little gift for Christmas.

 

I usually try to keep the numbers the same because we open things one at a time so we can all watch people receive stuff but now that everyone is buying for everyone it gets confusing. Sometimes that extra thing is as simple as coconut milk so my son can make Thai tea or a simple art supply item or a book.

Your kids sound very sweet and generous, frogger! :001_wub:

[bettyandbob]

Over the years we've done close to equal in cost and close to equal in number. Some years more may be spent on one child on a particular gift (I can think of one year when it was significantly more). When one child is getting a more expensive present we don't just give home one present, we will get him a few other things to opend that are inexpensive.

 

I've never focused on absolutely equal cost or absolutely equal numbers. We try to focus on getting a good match of present to the child.

[teachermom2834]

We have been all over the place.  Oldest two are boys and two years apart and it always made sense that they had similar gifts as they liked the similar things.  Next boy is almost three years younger and has always been more into toys.  Then I have a girl 5 years later.  Very hard to equal out gifts for a 17 yo guy and a 7 yo girl (who is the first girl in the family so no hand me down toys or clothes). 

 

We try to get everyone what they would really enjoy and make sure no one's overall experience looks thin.  It is just not something I have the mind to try to balance out exactly when one needs a phone and one needs clothes and one just wants an expensive Lego and one is asking for hair bows.  We have done a family gift.  But, again, hard to make that something truly enjoyable for the range of people.  

 

So, little girl often has the most in quantity though lots of cheap things.  Oldest boys often have the most in expense because they really need stuff that is expensive (technology, sports equipment, college!!) Third boy with his LEGO habit often is the most expensive.  Second boy might want new shoes and if he gets those he has never complained that little brother got a more expensive LEGO.  Second boy doesn't want a LEGO.  He wanted shoes. One year one kid might clearly have had more money spent but that varies from year to year which kid that might be.  And there generally is a reason.

 

If there have been feelings of being slighted I have never heard them.  Everyone seems to "get" that it can't be equal and everyone seems happy with what was specifically chosen for them.  I will add there are always tons of presents as this is a time we catch up on socks, underwear, clothes, shoes, etc.  We also do not do birthday gifts so this is kind of a one time a year deal. 

 

If this was an issue with my kids I would definitely be more careful.  I can see the hurt and resentment it can cause.  I just don't think it always has to be that way.

 

 

Edited December 15, 2015 by teachermom2834

[lynn]

When my kids were younger they all had equal number. As they got older they knew v they would get fewer of gifts were more expensive

[bettyandbob]

I think my approach is similar to how I try to parent in general. Each child is an individual with different needs. I never had the same rules for each child. I could trust oldest in the front yard on his own at 4. I could see him while I made dinner. Middle child was not permitted to be out of arms reach until 6--she always used to take off for any where.

 

So, with presents one year oldest got a new cymbal and middle got several doll accessories, the sum total value of which was less than the cymbal. They both got a few stocking things. So oldest had less stuff, but his cost more. I believe stuff related to drums dominated a couple of Christmases and more was spent on him those years. The high dollar item this year is going to dd. And high dollar items have been scaled back as college tuition became part of our budget--which goes right to the "what does he need right now" question.

 

So dollars and boxes to open almost never match. It cycles. There is never an obvious disparity.

[Bluegoat]

Not really, but how much I budget tends to mean they often are similar in value.

 

We only give one gift from us (usually something boring) and then they get whatever comes in their stockings.  That typically comes out to very similar sets of gifts because that's how I organize them - one fancy toothbrush, one set of socks, a candy treat, a book, and usually two other gifts depending on cost and size. (Though occasionally Santa fails on the size issue, I have a feeling that I am going to be trying to stuff a too-big polar bear in a stocking this year.)

 

ETA - when they were babies, often we didn't give them gifts at all.

Edited December 15, 2015 by Bluegoat

[rocassie]

I chose - Keep it equal.  Although I don't stress that the amount is down to the penny.  My kids are all 2 years apart so in all honesty there isn't that much different in the things they enjoy.  At least right now.  We set up a budget for Christmas each year and divide equally for the kids, and choose gifts within that amount.  It often is the same number of gifts too, but that was just how it worked out.  If it needs to change in the future, I'm more than open to making adjustments but this works for us right now.

 

 

[J-rap]

Generally, but I don't worry too much about it.

[Jennifer132]

I have done shared gifts in the past and then just individual stockings (on which I spent roughly the same for each child). For individual gifts, I spend roughly the same, but I don't pay a lot of attention to it. So for instance, one child may receive a 40 dollar gift and a 10 dollar gift, and the other a 50 dollar gift and a 12 dollar gift. We don't buy a lot of presents either. Usually one or two per child, and if two, one big and one small. 🙂

[ThursdayNext]

We spend roughly the same amount on each kid, and also similar number of gifts. (Not spending that much.) So we got the middle child a bin of Legos, and then a few small items so he would have the same number of gifts as his sister who wanted a bunch of $10 items.

 

My husband's family takes turns in order, so having precisely the same number of gifts is important, but you can package things together or break things up to get the number.

 

I spent less on the littlest one, because I couldn't think of much to get him that we don't already have. But it's important to me to spend a similar amount.

 

I didn't realize it til I was older, but my dad spent more on me than on my sisters. My siblings noticed it, and I feel awful now. It would be easy to accidentally favor one of the kids, if I didn't look at the $. Maybe one of my kids is nicer, or more like me, or the oldest who needs whatever kind of toy or gadget first. Maybe one is easier or more fun to shop for. I could see it happening, so I'm looking at spending to prevent it.

 

I don't do that with birthdays because they are far apart, not so easy to compare. So $20 for one kids gift and $70 on another does happen.

 

Question: would you give more gifts to a kid whos love language is gift giving? Vs. a kid who doesn't really care about presents or "stuff"? I'm still thinking about that one, but still leaning toward equal.

[melmichigan]

My kids range from 8-16 years old and all are aware of money and how much things cost.  I voted must keep it equal, since we try to budget the same dollar amount for each child, although certainly not the dollar.  Some years that means that one child has less to open because they had a higher priced item on their wish list, and they all realize that's the case.  When possible I'll wrap things together or divide them up to increase or decrease the total number or presents to open, but it's rarely ever even across the board.  We also do a number of family gifts each year, so whomever runs out of gifts first often begins opening those on their turn while the others finish their individual gifts.

Edited December 15, 2015 by melmichigan

[tm919]

My daughters are close in age (1.5 years apart) and usually my older daughter is good with her toys and things, so my younger daughter already has so many things. When she asks for something, it's really just something she wants; with my older daughter, it's often something she needs but we haven't bought yet (e.g., a raincoat in her size). I don't worry if it's even $50 or $75 difference in what I spend, but more than that makes me uncomfortable.  

I didn't realize it til I was older, but my dad spent more on me than on my sisters. My siblings noticed it, and I feel awful now. It would be easy to accidentally favor one of the kids, if I didn't look at the $. Maybe one of my kids is nicer, or more like me, or the oldest who needs whatever kind of toy or gadget first. Maybe one is easier or more fun to shop for. I could see it happening, so I'm looking at spending to prevent it.

I agree-- sometimes kids notice but don't tell anyone. I think a small deviation is ok, but when it starts getting really big (over $75 in difference to me), I start to worry. Maybe I was neurotic but even as a young child I would not ask for expensive things because I understood they cost a lot and the more my parents spent on me, the less there was for other things. My brothers - being less neurotic asked for what they really wanted, which was often expensive. 

Edited December 15, 2015 by tm919