Pamela H in Texas Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 I'm so sorry this is happening to you. When *I* worked in a preschool, I expressed my concerns to the director who promptly called the parent (actually foster parent in this situation). The parent gave her side of the story. The director was satisfied. I was not. At that point, I told my director that as a mandated reporter, I needed to make the call. Two years ago, we had a situation at school. I had a 5yo foster child who was VERY young for his age. He was VERY goofy. And his speech was challenging to understand. He went to his teacher and relayed a part of a sitcom to her. This part of the sitcom actually did have some truth in his pre-fostercare life also so may have included some aspect of that. She probably asked him a few questions, but was trying to be careful not to ask too much. She reported to CPS. In this case, it was about one of my children so we had a regular CPS case on top of a licensing case...while sick with the flu. Grrr How I wish the school would have called as professional courtesy like the preschool had! If they didn't like the answer, they still could have called. But maybe they could have searched YouTube and seen it was nothing and not have put my family, especially my newly adopted children, through that. It isn't their job to investigate, but.... Anyway, of course, your situation is that the mark had the look of a bug bite with a bruise around it. And was different enough that it didn't look like a spanking mark anyway. And fact is that bruises happen. The back of the upper leg? Well, sure, it is more fatty, but it also would be where a child could fall, plop onto a toy, etc. Soon after my last foster daughter got to my home, she was backing up while playing and fell into a corner of two walls. It left a bruise on her rear. She came to my home because of a bruise left on her by her previous foster dad spanking her (it was a handshaped bruise; it happened). Boy did I worry! That was the first of many marks on her. She fell a LOT. And she bruised BADLY every time. It was so concerning! I feel so bad for your situation. I have to say that I'm quite surprised they can MAKE you do anything during the investigation though too. Seriously, ANYONE could get a report called in. How can they make you have your kid evaluated or have your children observed or whatever? That doesn't even seem right. And I'd much rather them be contacting doctors and therapists and such seeing that people who have regular contact have no concerns. BTW, for MY kids (I did not do it regarding the school), I would likely tell the school that it would have been nice for them to ask about a mark before making assumptions. Had they asked, they could have known that you don't believe in physical discipline and you could have explained about the bug bite so they could look more carefully before deciding to involve a governmental agency. CPS is very damaging to families. It causes a LOT of stress. They ask to view children's bodies and break other boundaries kids need to be learning/keeping. It scares the kids. At least they could do is see if there is some simple explanation in a case that is fairly minor (it'd be different if the child came in with a broken limb, strap marks across her back, and such, of course). Seriously, would THEY appreciate you calling CPS to check out the preschool over such a minor mark? Or would they have appreciated the opportunity to tell you how they believe such a thing happened before you did so? Again, so sorry this is happening to you. Hopefully it is quick and easy. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 (hugs) and thoughts with you, I can't even imagine :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindy in FL. Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 Just what you need! I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this and hope it can be taken care of quickly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 Unbelievable, I am so sorry. :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicMom Posted December 3, 2015 Author Share Posted December 3, 2015 I am pulling her out of the preschool. I found a two day a week program with a friend of my aunt's who has done childcare for 30 years and will know the difference between normal bruising and child abuse. I am also calling a lawyer today once I see how much I can take out of my 401K. Caden's medical bills have all but bankrupted us this year and I have no margin to pay a lawyer. I am so weary of life right now. 42 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 More hugs to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aiden Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmandaVT Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 Everyone else has given such great advice - I just want to offer up some hugs!! You sound like an amazing mom and you have nothing to feel badly about! And I'm glad you're pulling your DD from this school. :grouphug: :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 Can you get dd in to a dr today for independent verification and documentation that the mark is gone? I highly recommend that, more than contacting the lawyer today in terms of priorities. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jrn Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScoutTN Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 Sending hugs and prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I just wish you could take a few weeks off from everything to try and recover a bit both mentally and physically from everything you have had to endure. I admire you greatly for continuing to try and hold it all together and keep your family going. Wishing you and your family peace and nothing but good things. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 Angry on your behalf! Glad you are pulling her. Sorry this has to add to your stress. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idnib Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 (edited) nm Edited December 14, 2015 by ^ 022 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom25girls Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 I am so very sorry and I'm very glad that you're being proactive. Wanted to send hugs and wishes that easier days are going to be bountiful and that they're just around the corner. :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MeghansMom Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 Hugs to you, MedicMom. I am sorry you are going through this. Praying that this too shall pass and you and your family will move on to happier times. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 I am pulling her out of the preschool. I found a two day a week program with a friend of my aunt's who has done childcare for 30 years and will know the difference between normal bruising and child abuse. I am also calling a lawyer today once I see how much I can take out of my 401K. Caden's medical bills have all but bankrupted us this year and I have no margin to pay a lawyer. I am so weary of life right now. (((MM))). I am as sorry as I can be Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jasperstone Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 My kids are bruised all the time! Half the time they can't even tell me where they came from - like landing badly on the playground or even a sibling chomping on them randomly. I'm so sorry you're going through this - I'd be freaking out too! My dd went through an easy bruising stage- especially on her legs.Sometimes it's a lack of certain vitamins etc.. To have this happen to you is absolutely frightening! Even if you get the all clear, do they keep the file? I'd want it totally gone, just in case another zealous person reports for some dumb reason again etc... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monica_in_Switzerland Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 I hope this has blown over completely by February. I realise that experiencing this sort of thing probably keeps a person shaken emotionally for YEARS. This is basically my worst nightmare that you are dealing with. Sending lots of hugs. The investigation will turn up nothing because obviously there is nothing to turn up. So as far as the daycare worker and CPS are concerned, no harm, no foul. Let's just totally ignore the emotional trauma to the family put through the investigation... Ugh. They do say bad things come in threes, so after a premie birth, hospital bills, and this, you should be clear for a LONG TIME. Here's to a better 2016. Hugs. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pen Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 The investigation will turn up nothing because obviously there is nothing to turn up. So as far as the daycare worker and CPS are concerned, no harm, no foul. That is probably so. Unfortunately, it does not always work out so easily. Where I am located, CPS will often check something and just leave with no continuing investigation called for at all. It may be different where OP is located where perhaps 60 day investigation is always done. But where I am that would indicate more concern is present to warrant the investigation. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicMom Posted December 4, 2015 Author Share Posted December 4, 2015 I am in New York and they are required to do some sort of investigation. I am sending DD to a new preschool two days a week starting Monday. The preschool teacher there has 35 years experience and has dealt with everything under the sun. She recommended keeping DD in her current preschool for a month as she feels suddenly pulling her out won't look good, and sending DD to her the two days a week she isn't at the first preschool. That way when CPS comes to interview her since DD is now enrolled there she can assure them as another preschool teacher that she does not see any sort of child abuse red flags. I am really praying there are better days ahead. 28 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicMom Posted December 4, 2015 Author Share Posted December 4, 2015 My dd went through an easy bruising stage- especially on her legs.Sometimes it's a lack of certain vitamins etc.. To have this happen to you is absolutely frightening! Even if you get the all clear, do they keep the file? I'd want it totally gone, just in case another zealous person reports for some dumb reason again etc... It is sealed if it is unfounded. However it is unsealed if there is another report about DD or a sibling. And on any applications or background screenings that ask, I have to check yes if it asks if I've ever been investigated for child abuse or maltreatment. Doesn't matter if it's unfounded. DD's new preschool staff was horrified that I was hotlined over a small bruise that the teacher didn't ask me about first. Unless it's blatantly obvious(like a handprint) they said the parents should be asked first what happened. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommybee Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TX Native Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 I haven't read past the 1st few posts, so this may be a repeat. I would tell other parents who use the daycare that the workers called CPS over a bruise. Those parents will want a heads up and decide for themselves if they want an increased risk of CPS at the door. Besides, isn't a physical abuse sign multiple bruises in different stages of healing? Not one bruise one time? The daycare will really regret this if several parents choose a new place for care come next year's registration. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
38carrots Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 I am in New York and they are required to do some sort of investigation. I am sending DD to a new preschool two days a week starting Monday. The preschool teacher there has 35 years experience and has dealt with everything under the sun. She recommended keeping DD in her current preschool for a month as she feels suddenly pulling her out won't look good, and sending DD to her the two days a week she isn't at the first preschool. That way when CPS comes to interview her since DD is now enrolled there she can assure them as another preschool teacher that she does not see any sort of child abuse red flags. I am really praying there are better days ahead. You need to talk to a lawyer about this. I'm afraid NOT pulling her out might not look good. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nart Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 Did you ever take her in to her pediatrician just to verify there was no abuse? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandra Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 It is sealed if it is unfounded. However it is unsealed if there is another report about DD or a sibling. And on any applications or background screenings that ask, I have to check yes if it asks if I've ever been investigated for child abuse or maltreatment. Doesn't matter if it's unfounded. DD's new preschool staff was horrified that I was hotlined over a small bruise that the teacher didn't ask me about first. Unless it's blatantly obvious(like a handprint) they said the parents should be asked first what happened. Good grief. Unbelievable. I was angry before, on your behalf, but now I don't even know what to say. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicMom Posted December 4, 2015 Author Share Posted December 4, 2015 Did you ever take her in to her pediatrician just to verify there was no abuse? I can't get her in until Tuesday because the doctor is on vacation. It's a small practice and there is someone covering for emergencies only, so I wasn't able to. I spoke with a lawyer. He said leave my daughter in the preschool for a few more weeks, then withdraw her over Christmas break. 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamiof5 Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 So glad you talked to a lawyer. Hope at some point you can put some people in their place at that school. So sorry you are dealing with this! Your situation makes me mad. And those indirectly accusing you with rumors and their actions? Shame on them! This is just absurd :( 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 I'm so sorry! I understand the lawyer's advice, but it would make me absolutely sick to continue sending her there for the next few weeks. :grouphug: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 Since you can't take her to the doctor right away, take photos of the mark so you have evidence of what it looked like before it healed. A person with a trained eye should be able to tell it's a bug bite. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 I do understand the lawyer's advice. I've read many descriptions of child abuse cases, and so often they note that the parents pulled the child out of school / daycare once the teachers started noticing the abuse. I also think you should let the daycare know that you are putting her in another daycare (not hiding her at home). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LisaKinVA Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 I simply cannot imagine what you are going through. I'm very sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 I am in New York and they are required to do some sort of investigation. I am sending DD to a new preschool two days a week starting Monday. The preschool teacher there has 35 years experience and has dealt with everything under the sun. She recommended keeping DD in her current preschool for a month as she feels suddenly pulling her out won't look good, and sending DD to her the two days a week she isn't at the first preschool. That way when CPS comes to interview her since DD is now enrolled there she can assure them as another preschool teacher that she does not see any sort of child abuse red flags. I am really praying there are better days ahead. I am glad you are getting good advice from an experienced child care provider. You are in my thoughts. What a nightmare. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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