Wedding vows - added "no vows" option

[luuknam]

Mostly for fun thread; I hope this won't upset people who had marriages end or are in a bad marriage currently.

 

Our vows (switch husband/wife for my spouse):

 

I, [my name], take you, [his name], to be my husband. I vow to be your loving wife: constant friend, faithful lover and forgiving confidant. I promise to be open and honest with you and respect you always. I'll be there when you need me, I'll comfort and encourage you, I'll help you reach your goals and I'll love you with all of my heart, for all of my life. I give you this ring as the symbol of our love ever-lasting. With it I wed you and give you my body, my heart and my soul.

 

We don't believe in souls, but having that third element in that last sentence had a better 'ring' to it, and 'mind' didn't sound as good.

 

ETA: and, feel free to post how many years you've been married if you're commenting. We'll be 11 years in December.

[Orthodox6]

"Other", across the board.  There are no "vows" in the Eastern Orthodox Christian sacrament of marriage service.

 

Married for thirty-one years so far.

[PeachyDoodle]

Married 15 years and counting.

 

We used the "generic" service for our Protestant denomination -- although I'd prefer to call it traditional. :)

[Amira]

No vows for Mormons either.  My votes were the same as Orthdox6's.  Married almost 18 years.

[Melinda in VT]

No vows for Mormons either.  My votes were the same as Orthdox6's.  Married almost 18 years.

 

Ditto, except we've been married a few years longer.

 

I don't have many regrets about my 30 years as a Mormon, but I do regret not having wedding vows.

[Kathryn]

Other for all. We were married the first time fifteen years ago. We wrote our own, but my grandfather, who married us, did whatever he usually does instead. Then when we became Orthodox, we were married in our church and Orthodox do not recite vows to each other.

[Catwoman]

We didn't write our own vows. Neither of us had any interest in doing it.

 

What can I say? I guess we're just generic folks at heart. ;)

[catz]

Ok - we used some pre-made vows that are commonly used.  And I said that the words don't really matter for the last question.  But what I mean by that, is I think many vows could have made sense for us.  Marriage is very important to me and what that promise is and means.  DH and I had talked about it for a LONG time at that point and knew exactly what we were committing to. The exact semantics of what we said is much less important overall to me.  Really, marriage vows could go on for hours and hours if you really professed what marriage was all about. 

[Orthodox6]

Ditto, except we've been married a few years longer.

 

I don't have many regrets about my 30 years as a Mormon, but I do regret not having wedding vows.

 

If this is not a "prying" question, why do you regret not having spoken formal vows? 

 

As EO, it never occurred to me to want (or miss) them.  I am interested in your thoughts from your own situation.  Thanks!

[MEmama]

We were married by secular justice of some sort. I don't remember if we really said vows; the ceremony was very simple and short (and still more than what we would have really liked).

 

Everyone else put such a huge emphasis on the wedding. We just wanted to be married.

 

21 years this fall.

[luuknam]

Okay, added "no vows" option. Didn't realize that was a thing.

[Arcadia]

Generic civil marriage vows copied from my country's Registry of Marriages. We aren't married in the states.

 

"I, (Bride/Groom), take you (Groom/Bride), to be my (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part. "

[Guest]

Married 15 years and counting.

 

We used the "generic" service for our Protestant denomination -- although I'd prefer to call it traditional. :)

 

I came to post almost the exact thing--we used the traditional vows of our then-denomination, 34 years ago.  Our pastor asked what we wanted to do, traditional, or write our own.  My dh responded, "Traditional; like *I'M* going to say it better. :::insert eyeroll:::"  We did go modern with "you" instead of "thee."  

 

I like attending weddings with the traditional vows; they sort of give me a chance to re-up.  We went to a LOVELY wedding this summer, and the couple wrote their vows, and it was well done, but at one point a little bit TMI.  :0)

 

I remember the vows, not word-for-word, but in a general-sense-of-things way, because the traditional vows are sort of baked into cultural items like stories and movies and so on.  

 

My grandmother left my grandfather (with pretty good cause if you ask me) in about 1919, and as she was walking down the road away from their home, she said to herself, "I married him for better or for worse...well, this is worse..."  And she turned around and walked back home.  He died after about 10 years of marriage, and 4 kids.  A few years later, she met and married a wonderful man, who was the one I knew as my Grandfather, and they were married happily for well over 50 years.  :0)  

[BarbecueMom]

Ten years later, I don't remember the vows. We married in the church DH's parents married in, which was a mistake because it was so public and emotional and traditional and churchy and formal. Basically everything we are NOT.

 

I don't believe in souls or spiritual whatnots either, but we were (and still are) best friends and fiercely and stubbornly devoted to each other, so the words were superfluous.

 

If we could do it over, we would have eloped at the courthouse on a weekday afternoon and got around to telling people at some point. We would have written our own vows, but said them privately. And they would have been hella nerdy.

[tm919]

We did the standard one except I didn't say "Love, honor, and obey," just "Love and honor" -- good thing, or I'd be breaking my vows all the time. Actually I don't think many people say love, honor, and obey anymore.

 

My mom said the "love, honor, and obey" but she says she just thought in her mind "I don't really mean the obey."

[FaithManor]

Generic quasi protestant but not exactly.

[FaithManor]

Dumb kindle! Double post.

[TrixieB]

I couldn't tell you what the vows were... something traditional.  We got married at the courthouse and repeated what the JP said. 
 

[73349]

Fifteen years. The (Catholic) church did not have the option to write your own vows, but I doubt we would have. Our choice was whether to recite them or to answer "I do" when asked; we chose the latter.

 

They also had a list from which to select the music.

[Melinda in VT]

If this is not a "prying" question, why do you regret not having spoken formal vows? 

 

As EO, it never occurred to me to want (or miss) them.  I am interested in your thoughts from your own situation.  Thanks!

 

I find both the ideas and the language of the traditional vows lovely, and they do a much better job of capturing what I felt about getting married than the words of our marriage ceremony.

 

Although I appreciated the "eternal" part of the Mormon marriage ceremony (it's actually called a "sealing"), the rest of the wording leaves a lot to be desired. The ceremony's roots in polygamy are a little too apparent for my taste. The words of the ceremony did not represent our relationship, then or now.

[TammyinTN]

We had traditional vows.   He was my best friend for 6 years before we married.  We've been married for 29 years this coming April. 

[KungFuPanda]

22 years next week. I don't think I've given my vows any thought until this thread.

[goldberry]

We were required to use traditional scripted vows.  I would have loved to have written our own.  But we still got the gist. ;)  I don't know if the words matter so much but knowing that you both feel the same way behind it about what marriage is. 

 

I had a friend who had some lovely vows at her marriage.  This is her 3rd, and admittedly her first 2 were not great.  But she later said, "I don't believe in the whole better or worse thing.  I believe as long as it's working for both of us, then it's good.  If it stops working, it's time to move on."  Granted, they have gone through some rough times and neither just bailed.  But... to me that's not marriage.  That's not my marriage anyway.  I know others feel differently, and I can understand *somewhat* due to her bad experiences. But I couldn't and wouldn't marry someone if I knew they had that thought process.

 

29 years here, 30 in February.  

[Xuzi]

Another Mormon with no vows (other than the ones always made between couples being Sealed in an LDS temple). Didn't miss them. I would have been very embarrassed, expressing my feelings about and for dh in front of everybody. We said "vows" of a sort between each other, in private, shortly after we were engaged, and I look back with great fondness on that moment. :)

[happypamama]

I voted both yes and no for the first question.  We wrote our own, but we used the traditional vows as the basis and personalized them a bit.  They're a really lovely blend of "traditional" and "us."

 

I don't remember the exact wording right this second, but I calligraphed a copy of our vows and put them in my scrapbook, so I could go look at them.  

 

 

[Orthodox6]

I find both the ideas and the language of the traditional vows lovely, and they do a much better job of capturing what I felt about getting married than the words of our marriage ceremony.

 

Although I appreciated the "eternal" part of the Mormon marriage ceremony (it's actually called a "sealing"), the rest of the wording leaves a lot to be desired. The ceremony's roots in polygamy are a little too apparent for my taste. The words of the ceremony did not represent our relationship, then or now.

 

Thank you, Melinda.  I appreciate your taking the time.

[bibiche]

No vows. No nothing. We signed a piece of paper et puis voilà quoi. I wouldn't have it any other way. :)

[Rosie_0801]

I had a friend who had some lovely vows at her marriage.  This is her 3rd, and admittedly her first 2 were not great.  But she later said, "I don't believe in the whole better or worse thing.  I believe as long as it's working for both of us, then it's good.  If it stops working, it's time to move on."  Granted, they have gone through some rough times and neither just bailed.  But... to me that's not marriage.  That's not my marriage anyway.  I know others feel differently, and I can understand *somewhat* due to her bad experiences. But I couldn't and wouldn't marry someone if I knew they had that thought process.

 

29 years here, 30 in February.  

 

Sometimes divorce is a graduation, not a failure. I know not everyone perceives it that way. :) For this reason I'd write vows that could be kept even after divorce. That's the way I work. *shrug*

[Orthodox6]

Okay, added "no vows" option. Didn't realize that was a thing.

 

I don't know how to "erase" and "re-vote". 

 

[bibiche]

I don't know how to "erase" and "re-vote".

 

There is a "delete my vote" thingie, then you can start again. :)

[redsquirrel]

We sort of had our own..we took them in part from some that we found and some that we added.

 

I can't post it because I have no memory of what they were.  The gist was "play nice and don't be a jerk" only it sounded better than that, I promise.

[Dulce Domem]

It is my pet peeve in life when TV shows and movies show a couple writing their own vows, and then they are just professions of love and no actual vows or promises.  Doesn't our culture know what the word "vow" means?

 

My own wedding vows annoy me, as well.  My father-in-law conducted the service, and he chose the words from Ruth - "Where you go, I will go....your God will be my God..."  etc.  Annoying on two counts - they are words a woman said to her mother-in-law in Scripture, and how do I promise that someone else's God will be my God? That's a pretty lousy reason for following a God.  I think that his intent was that we were vowing to be unified in our service of God (we were and both are still Christians), but in retrospect, I really couldn't vow that.  

 

If I had it to do again, I would choose my own vows (not necessarily write our own, but be much more purposeful about what our vows were).

[myfunnybunch]

I voted that we used traditional vows, and I voted other.

 

Dh and I each had a daughter from our previous marriages. With the help of our officiant, we wrote and included a short family vow to our daughters, and exchanged family necklaces. It was very sweet.

[luuknam]

It is my pet peeve in life when TV shows and movies show a couple writing their own vows, and then they are just professions of love and no actual vows or promises.  Doesn't our culture know what the word "vow" means?

 

:iagree:

 

IMO, a vow is something akin to a contract.

[LucyStoner]

For the courthouse we used the standard vows the judge had. For the ceremony we had later with friends and family (largely so my mom with cancer could get the picture of me in a big white dress), we used standard vows from a humanist website but instead of "love, honor and cherish" we said "love, honor, cherish and read to".

 

#nerdlove

 

ETA- we've been married almost 14 years. We were together for 2 years before we got married. We were really basically children when we got together. I was 19 and he was 20 so 21 and 22 when we got married. Fortunately we have grown together instead of apart.

[FaithManor]

For the courthouse we used the standard vows the judge had. For the ceremony we had later with friends and family (largely so my mom with cancer could get the picture of me in a big white dress), we used standard vows from a humanist website but instead of "love, honor and cherish" we said "love, honor, cherish and read to".

 

#nerdlove

Love it! I think that if dh had thought it was an opion, would have inserted into mine, "love, honor, cherish, and allow him to play with as many pyrotechnics as he likes even if the flames make the neighbors nervous". LOL

 

He got lucky, I have looked the other way on a lot of exploits like the cremora firework that produced 30 ft. flames.

[Orthodox6]

There is a "delete my vote" thingie, then you can start again. :)

 

Thanks!

 

Now, without wishing to annoy the assembly . . .

 

I recited wedding vows.

 

I did not recite wedding vows.

 

Other:  I have no idea whether I recited vows or not because I was (a) in an overpowering delirium of joy, (b) three sheets to the wind from nervousness, © trying not to catch my veil on fire from the wedding candle, (d) married by proxy, . . . (e) etc.

 

What options fall in the category of "other"?

 

[This is only the second week of school for us, and my mind clearly has wrinkled.]

 

[Tap]

I picked our vows out of a book about 15 minutes before we walked before a JP.  They were pretty basic, short and sweet.  I have no idea what they were, other than I think they included the traditional "I do".

 

 

[Guest]

 (d) married by proxy, . . . (e) etc.

 

 

Do tell.  

[Guest]

I picked other, because we shamelessly lifted vows from our friends who wrote their own - they were excellent. They were very flattered we wanted to use them :)

 

I don't remember every word off the top of my head, but the basics of the covenant I take very, very seriously. It was in line with my faith and vocation, as well as my romantic ideal for a married lifetime. Just really good.

 

We have been married a decade so far.

[Guest]

I would be interested in hearing the reason LDS do not exchange vows.  

 

In case anyone is interested, Orthodox Christians do not exchange vows; the bride and groom are "crowned"  as king and queen of a new home, and their love is blessed as a perpetual union by the Church.  That's the short version.  I just got back from the Crowning of my godmother's son and his bride.  JOY JOY JOY.  (But mostly the reason I put in that last sentence was to state the Orthodox position...)  :0)  

 

 

 

 

[Orthodox6]

Do tell.  

 

Can't.

 

I wasn't there!

 

:D

 

P.S.  Did you ever read "The Road Home" at the end of which the young Armenian woman was betrothed, by proxy, to a man living in the United States?

[Junie]

We recited traditional wedding vows, although during the rehearsal I may have said, "With all my worldly debt I thee endow".

[FaithManor]

I had completely forgotten about proxy. I do know of one instqnce of this in the previous generation on dh's side of the family.

 

My grandmother was forced to marry my grandfather on threats of a massive thradhing then shunning if she did not. She stood mute before the magistrate and her mother forged her signature right there in front of that guy, and he let it go, pretended not to see. Not pretty.

 

So no vows for my grandmother.

[Violet Crown]

The Western Church has vows because according to its theology, the sacrament of marriage is not administered by the priest but by the parties. The form of the sacrament is the expression of consent by both parties.

 

We affirmed that our consent was freely given; that we understood the indissolubility of marriage except by death; and that we would accept the gift of children. Then we declared our consent to the marriage. Good old Roman-style legal formulae: clear and complete. (Fr. H. did insist that a couple of college students were perfectly capable of memorizing their vows, though, and wouldn't give us the "I do" option. Paulists....)

[Katy]

Interesting.  When did the western church decide that and start using vows?

 

Also wondering about the theology of Mormons not using vows.

[HSmomof2]

We used the standard traditional vows in our Protestant church. Married 21 years ago.

[Violet Crown]

Interesting. When did the western church decide that and start using vows?

 

Also wondering about the theology of Mormons not using vows.

Not a historian, but I would guess we inherited it from the pre-Christian Romans, who liked their contracts. So I would be surprised if it wasn't the view from day one. But I'm very open to correction.

[Orthodox6]

I had completely forgotten about proxy. I do know of one instqnce of this in the previous generation on dh's side of the family.

 

My grandmother was forced to marry my grandfather on threats of a massive thradhing then shunning if she did not. She stood mute before the magistrate and her mother forged her signature right there in front of that guy, and he let it go, pretended not to see. Not pretty.

 

So no vows for my grandmother.

Lord have mercy!

[MomtoCandJ]

10 years October 1st :)