Someone seriously needs to find a cure for Alzheimer's (sigh)

[creekland]

Just finished watching the Ladies Soccer World Cup game at my in-laws...

 

It has a whole different vibe to it when every 20-30 seconds MIL asks, "Are we winning/losing?" or "What color are we?" or "Who's in blue?" or "Who's that green/red player?" and we faithfully answer her each and every time.  I'm not exaggerating the number of questions either.  They were non-stop through both halves and half time.  It was impossible to listen to the game.  We could just watch it.

 

My mind totally wandered off to feeling sorry for the lady who is truly gone even if her body is still with us.

 

And yes, throughout the rest of the day there are repeated questions on the topic of the hour too, and fanciful (untrue) stories, and forgotten people - but it seemed so much more blatant during the soccer game - a major wrong that just can't be fixed no matter what.

 

She's in bed now.  Tomorrow will be another day and she won't even remember the soccer game or anything we did/ate or that her other son was also here.

 

I definitely never want to get that way and admittedly, will see to it that I don't should it ever come to that.

 

I really wish someone could come up with a cure (sigh).

 

Enjoy life while the people you care about are still truly living - warts and all.  

 

[celticmom]

:grouphug: 

[prairiewindmomma]

I had a similar experience recently. It is incredibly challenging for everyone involved, especially when my loved one realizes that she is forgetful.

 

This particular loved one focused on date/schedule questions for a long time; writing answers to the most frequent questions on a white board hung discretely in the room helped resolve that particular issue. 

[elegantlion]

My dad has the beginnings of Alzheimer's. :grouphug:

[VANURSEPRAC]

I work in geriatrics. I take care of elderly Veterans. This disease is soo prevalent. It is such a strain on the families. My prayers are with you, with all of us that are touched by this terrible disease.

[Mimm]

:grouphug:

[OneStepAtATime]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

Great-Aunt had Alzheimer's, paternal grandmother had Alzheimer's and maternal grandmother had micro-infarc dementia.  Dementia of any kind is awful but especially Alzheimers.

 

Hugs to all who have dealt with it and to all those who may face it themselves someday.

[Luckymama]

So unfair :grouphug:

[Lucy the Valiant]

It's a thief and a liar. I hate that disease.

[Junie]

 we faithfully answer her each and every time.  

 

This was very convicting to me as just a little while ago I was watching the same game and dd7 was chattering away with the same questions.  I must admit, I was not as patient as you were.

 

My grandfather had Alzheimer's.  I'm sorry.   :grouphug:

[Twigs]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[creekland]

I had a similar experience recently. It is incredibly challenging for everyone involved, especially when my loved one realizes that she is forgetful.

 

This particular loved one focused on date/schedule questions for a long time; writing answers to the most frequent questions on a white board hung discretely in the room helped resolve that particular issue. 

 

I'm not really sure MIL can read anymore.  She'll stare at food labels and then ask what it is.  (Big labels on the front, not small print ingredients or nutritional info.)

 

Yes. My mother just returned from a visit to see her mother (my grandmother). Mom said that this was the first time grandma didn't recognize her, her own daughter.

 

I can't imagine how I would/will feel if/when my own mother doesn't know me.

 

I hate this disease.

 

The only part of this that gets my "like" is your hatred of the disease.  Otherwise,  :grouphug: .  It hit hubby hard the first time she didn't recognize him.  She's at the stage where that comes and goes.  She knows she recognizes me, but she never calls me by name and can't remember if I have kids or if they were boys/girls, etc.  Our boys grew up coming here...

 

My dad has the beginnings of Alzheimer's. :grouphug:

 

I can't like your post, sorry.  I can offer  :grouphug: back.

 

My heart goes out to all who have dealt with it, are dealing with it, or will deal with it.

 

And my prayers go out to the researchers that they can find a cure, so someday it can be tamed.

[texasmama]

Dh's grandmother who just passed away had Alzheimer's.  She lived with us the last two months of her life, and I was her primary caregiver.  After knowing me for 30 years, she had no idea who I was.  She thought my dh was her dead husband most of the time.  She was completely unable to participate in her own care and, in fact, did not believe she needed care.  Much of her basic care involved me lying and cajoling her into doing things that were to meet her own basic needs, like changing a diaper.  Or waiting until someone else was there to help me who could manage her hitting and kicking us while we helped her.  Her world was very confusing and frightening.  It was horrible.  We lost her several years before she died.

[redsquirrel]

I am so sorry.  I really am.

[MyThreeSons]

:grouphug: I empathize. My dh has Alzheimer's. What you described is all too real.

 

 

 

My mother in law also has Alzheimer's. One of my coping mechanisms is to pack up dh and take him to visit his mother. The two of them can have a never-ending repeated conversation without either one getting exasperated with the other. In the meantime, my sister in law (mil's caretaker) and I can have a "real" conversation. 

[umsami]

:grouphug:

 

Found out a few weeks ago that a cousin was diagnosed with early-onset.  She's my age (47).  I'm still in shock, actually.  

[Guest]

I'm sorry, Creekland. :( I agree, Alzheimer's is awful. It steals away the person inside while the person outside remains.

[3 ladybugs]

I thought I heard that they are looking at upping cholesterol in people as a way of slowing or even mildly reversing it. I saw a documentary talking about it. They were giving people coconut oil and testing their mental function before the study, during and after and they saw improvements.

 

Cholesterol is vital in cell repair, which is why I have been telling my 88 year old grandmother, who has never had a heart attack, that she should tell her doctor to stuff it and get off the statin he put her on. She needs to be able to repair cells as she ages.

 

Op I am sorry you are dealing with that. My great grandfather died of it, but I don't have many memories of him as I was under 10 when he died.

[Guest]

We just keep praying for the day when this and all other disease is defeated. I'm sorry, this must be so hard for you and your family :(

[Tsuga]

I'm sorry you're facing this. I agree with you. Scientists are working on it.  :grouphug:

[Storygirl]

My mother has Alzheimer's. She lives in a nursing home now, and I saw her today for the first time in a couple of months. She doesn't recognize us now and in fact rarely even focused in on the fact that we were there -- six of us -- sitting in a ring of chairs right in front of her. I spoke to her and patted her knee, and she never responded. For the past year, she has sometimes recognized me and sometimes not. It's obvious that she has entered a new stage now and will likely never recognize us again. The doctors have recently removed her from her Alzheimer's medications, because she is past the point of them having any effectiveness. She has had Alzheimer's for eleven years now, and she is likely to live for many more years, because, other than being weak due to being sedentary, her physical health is good.

 

She is only 78.

 

Her mother also had Alzheimer's, and we cared for my grandmother in our home while I was a teen, so this is our second very personal go-around. My siblings and I hope to escape but don't really expect to. We are all thankful that our genetic line ends with our generation -- my children were adopted, and my siblings only have step-children.

 

Creekland, it's hard to describe to others the stress of those kind of endless conversations. My mother lived with us for the last nine months before entering the nursing home, and although there were many trials, the constant conversations about the same topic was one of the most wearing and taxing parts. Unfortunately, with my mom, what she wanted to know most of all was why she could not go home  :( . To someone who hasn't experienced it, it might not seem as though it would be that hard to just keep patiently answering questions again and again, but it is extremely difficult and stressful. Does she live with your FIL? I hope he has some respite help. Even if he thinks he can do without it, it is important that he has time away.

[MrsBasil]

:grouphug: :grouphug:

 

My father (58) has early onset and it's incredibly awful.  We've been close for years, but it's different now and I hate it so, so much.  He keeps asking me when he can go get a job again and when we'll let him drive.  :crying:

[sparrow]

My mother passed from Lewy Body Dementia 2 years ago in May. It is the worst. I can feel lucky in the fact that she still always knew me and my dad until the end. I can feel heartbroken in the fact that she cried for her long dead mother because she thought she was a little girl.

 

:grouphug: to all that are touched by these horrible, horrible diseases.

[creekland]

Dh's grandmother who just passed away had Alzheimer's.  She lived with us the last two months of her life, and I was her primary caregiver.  After knowing me for 30 years, she had no idea who I was.  She thought my dh was her dead husband most of the time.  She was completely unable to participate in her own care and, in fact, did not believe she needed care.  Much of her basic care involved me lying and cajoling her into doing things that were to meet her own basic needs, like changing a diaper.  Or waiting until someone else was there to help me who could manage her hitting and kicking us while we helped her.  Her world was very confusing and frightening.  It was horrible.  We lost her several years before she died.

 

This is a stage we've definitely reached.  She also does very, very little of her own care and health-wise is also not doing well because of some of it.  However, she's 85 now and her immediate family feels she can eat/drink what she likes rather than being concerned about her health.  Can't say I disagree there.  Some of the other things though (hygiene)... it's frustrating to say the least.

 

:grouphug: for your experience.

 

 My dh has Alzheimer's. What you described is all too real.

 

 

 

My mother in law also has Alzheimer's. One of my coping mechanisms is to pack up dh and take him to visit his mother. The two of them can have a never-ending repeated conversation without either one getting exasperated with the other. In the meantime, my sister in law (mil's caretaker) and I can have a "real" conversation. 

 

Multiple, multiple hugs for your experience. :grouphug:  :grouphug:   I know hubby worries about getting it and we both wonder about it any time he forgets something he's supposed to know - even if it's totally common among folks our age.

 

 

Found out a few weeks ago that a cousin was diagnosed with early-onset.  She's my age (47).  I'm still in shock, actually.  

 

FWIW - to all - I can't actually pin "likes" on these threads that don't have an ounce of anything I "like."  I do appreciate your sharing and can offer  :grouphug: back though.

 

My mother has Alzheimer's. She lives in a nursing home now, and I saw her today for the first time in a couple of months. She doesn't recognize us now and in fact rarely even focused in on the fact that we were there -- six of us -- sitting in a ring of chairs right in front of her. I spoke to her and patted her knee, and she never responded. For the past year, she has sometimes recognized me and sometimes not. It's obvious that she has entered a new stage now and will likely never recognize us again. The doctors have recently removed her from her Alzheimer's medications, because she is past the point of them having any effectiveness. She has had Alzheimer's for eleven years now, and she is likely to live for many more years, because, other than being weak due to being sedentary, her physical health is good.

 

She is only 78.

 

Her mother also had Alzheimer's, and we cared for my grandmother in our home while I was a teen, so this is our second very personal go-around. My siblings and I hope to escape but don't really expect to. We are all thankful that our genetic line ends with our generation -- my children were adopted, and my siblings only have step-children.

 

Creekland, it's hard to describe to others the stress of those kind of endless conversations. My mother lived with us for the last nine months before entering the nursing home, and although there were many trials, the constant conversations about the same topic was one of the most wearing and taxing parts. Unfortunately, with my mom, what she wanted to know most of all was why she could not go home  :( . To someone who hasn't experienced it, it might not seem as though it would be that hard to just keep patiently answering questions again and again, but it is extremely difficult and stressful. Does she live with your FIL? I hope he has some respite help. Even if he thinks he can do without it, it is important that he has time away.

 

I'm really sorry about your mom and grandmother. :grouphug:  I fully agree with you regarding those conversations.  I've learned, in time, to be immune to the usual topics.  We still patiently answer over and over - though occasionally I'll amuse myself and change the answers (in a nice way) just to keep things interesting.  I've also found that having a definite answer (whether true or not) is better than any sort of unknown answer. (eg "Whose light is that" - the "light" is on the other side of a river. "It's Charlie's house, mama."  "Oh, ok."  Yeah, I've no idea whose house it is, but if I answer "I don't know" she worries a ton.)

 

The new topics still hit hard.  The soccer game is an example.

 

FIL is MIL's sole caregiver.  We've tried for years to get him to get help, but he refuses.  He's softening up a little now, but hasn't changed his mind enough yet.  We and BIL come here periodically to give him breaks and better meals.  He definitely needs the first and appreciates the second.  I don't mind sitting with MIL while hubby enjoys time with FIL.  Two or three times per day hubby will take MIL out on the boat assuming the weather is good, so I get a break for a little bit.  I can definitely understand FIL's need for a break or help and have been pushing hubby to see what he can do about it, but I haven't been successful at getting him to do more than talk about it with FIL yet.

 

 

My father (58) has early onset and it's incredibly awful.  We've been close for years, but it's different now and I hate it so, so much.  He keeps asking me when he can go get a job again and when we'll let him drive.  :crying:

 

:grouphug:  I completely understand.  It's definitely awful.

 

My mother passed from Lewy Body Dementia 2 years ago in May. It is the worst. I can feel lucky in the fact that she still always knew me and my dad until the end. I can feel heartbroken in the fact that she cried for her long dead mother because she thought she was a little girl.

 

 

:grouphug: to you too.

[Junie]

 We lost her several years before she died.

 

This is exactly how I felt about my grandfather.  It was easier for me because I lived in a different state and didn't see him often.  I remember telling my dh that I probably wouldn't grieve when my grandfather passed away because I already had.  My Papa was gone long before his body died.  And when he did pass away, I felt relief for my family more than anything.  

[MyThreeSons]

  We still patiently answer over and over - though occasionally I'll amuse myself and change the answers (in a nice way) just to keep things interesting.  I've also found that having a definite answer (whether true or not) is better than any sort of unknown answer. (eg "Whose light is that" - the "light" is on the other side of a river. "It's Charlie's house, mama."  "Oh, ok."  Yeah, I've no idea whose house it is, but if I answer "I don't know" she worries a ton.)

 

The other night, my mother in law refused to go to bed because she was worried about "the children" who weren't yet home. We have no idea who she was even thinking about. My sister in law was finally able to signal to her son, who was visiting, to go outside and call the house phone. She then faked a conversation with him, and when she was done, told mil that the kids were going to stay with their dad because he was doing fireworks that night. That satisfied mil and she went to bed, and didn't mention it the next day. My sil feels badly about lying.

[MommaOfalotta]

:grouphug:  :grouphug: :grouphug:  

 

So sorry. I think that disease would have to be about the hardest to witness. Breaks my heart just thinking about it. Prayers for you and your family.

[Orthodox6]

Creekland -- :grouphug:   :grouphug:   :grouphug:  

 

Alzheimer's is a long, difficult, often sorrowful road for both patient and families.  My mother died at age 91 this past March after over seventeen years with Alzheimer's (I never am fully clear on the length of time).  I have posted previously about my family, but think that I removed much of the information.  I still am  physically worn-out from existing health problems coupled with heavy involvement in my mother's care, and ongoing care of my father (who lives with us and is 93).  I am at high risk for Alzheimer's, given my "package".  I fear the condition, but have my own thoughts on how to deal with it.  ("Disappearing into the woods" definitely is not one of the plans!) 

 

Where I differ from most people is that my religion makes clear that my mother was NOT "gone".  She was "there" fully and completely with her unimpaired soul.  This fact governed our decisions and behaviours, as well as provided us with comfort and support to deal with the horrors of her nightmarish care.  

 

My prayers for everyone posting to this thread. 

 

 

[Azalea]

:grouphug:

[madteaparty]

 

I definitely never want to get that way and admittedly, will see to it that I don't should it ever come to that.

 

I feel very strongly about this for myself, as well (agree with you) but my understanding is that it's not quite that simple to take measures, legally speaking, for someone residing in the US. I mean it's not as easy as getting a one way ticket to Switzerland. Admittedly I have not thoroughly researched this as I'm in my 30s and things are changing.

We lost DH's grandma to dementia a couple of years ago, one of the loveliest people I've known. She had repeatedly expressed not wanting to live in that state, lost so much weight, but her heart and body were strong and did not comply with her wishes :(

[Mom25girls]

I'm so sorry, these stories make me want to weep. My mother has early stage and it's just difficult and frustrating. The worst thing is that I am acutely aware that we will all look back at these days as the "Good days." She's at the point where she is defensive and frightened because she cannot deny that she is...slipping. Sigh..It all makes my heart hurt and watching my girls realize that Grammy isn't getting better is really hard. Does anyone have suggestions for books or support for them? Thanks to all who shared above. Sending prayers, hugs and well wishes to all of you. 

[Greta]

Creekland, I am so sorry. It is an absolutely horrifying disease. :grouphug:

[elegantlion]

Do we have a social group for people caring for aging parents? If so, could someone point me in the direction. If not, is someone interested in starting one? I don't have the mental bandwidth to start another, but would love to be a part of one. 

 

My dad has other health issues that are more time consuming, but I'll admit, this whole thing is challenging me to look at end of life/quality of life issues, mostly for myself.  

[Orthodox6]

Do we have a social group for people caring for aging parents? If so, could someone point me in the direction. If not, is someone interested in starting one? I don't have the mental bandwidth to start another, but would love to be a part of one.

 

My dad has other health issues that are more time consuming, but I'll admit, this whole thing is challenging me to look at end of life/quality of life issues, mostly for myself.

I would join one. Given the nature of the topic, though, I wonder how an active caregiver would have time to set up and manage a social group!

 

Most larger cities have support groups. I forget the name of the national Alzheimers organization, but there is one. Our friend works for the local chapter.

[texasmama]

The other night, my mother in law refused to go to bed because she was worried about "the children" who weren't yet home. We have no idea who she was even thinking about. My sister in law was finally able to signal to her son, who was visiting, to go outside and call the house phone. She then faked a conversation with him, and when she was done, told mil that the kids were going to stay with their dad because he was doing fireworks that night. That satisfied mil and she went to bed, and didn't mention it the next day. My sil feels badly about lying.

It does make you feel badly, even though joining the odd and nonexistent world of the Alzheimer's patient is the only way to reassure them and help relieve anxiety.  We lied constantly to dh's grandmother.  She asked about her long-dead parents and sister.  It would have been unkind to tell her that these people who were her entire world inside her head were dead.  They were always "coming later" or "on a trip" or "at work" or "maybe we will see them on Saturday".  

 

When she was in her last two weeks of life and confused and fighting a diaper change, she called out for her long dead parents (gone for 50 and 70 years).

[ElizabethB]

My grandfather had Alzheimer's, it was sad.

 

When my daughter was little, I used to visit a nursing home, older people that enjoyed seeing babies. I told them I did not want to visit anyone with Alzheimer's because I did not think they would remember and it seemed like patients who could remember and look forward to our visits would benefit the most. But, there was a lady with Alzheimers that often sat in the halls, her face would light up with joy when she saw my daughter so I would stop and chat for a while. Sometimes she could not remember if she had 2 or 3 children and she did not seem to remember us but her face would be glowing for the duration of our visit, so we kept visiting. We came about once a week for a year when we had to move. The last visit when we came, she said, "I remember you," and told some details about us! It made me even happier that we had decided to visit her.

 

Getting them talking about their past is best, they can carry on a conversation that way and you can learn things. I talked to an interesting lady (no Alzheimers, just in the nursing home) who had taught in a one room school, that was fascinating to talk to someone who had taught multiple grades at once for a large number of students.

[MBM]

My MIL has Alzheimer's and is also combative toward her caretakers and other patients. She's hit and bitten caretakers, hospital personnel and other residents at her facilities. One of the doctors who dealt with her said she's incredibly strong. She is. At her last facility it took five people to put her in bed. She's been removed from memory care facilities and it's been difficult to find any places that will take her.

 

Then of course there is her inability to recognize any of her family members. It's hard on my husband.

[G5052]

My mother had vascular dementia that became mixed dementia with Alzheimer's. She battled mental illness most of her life, and then dementia made it twenty times worse.  She did unbelievable damage to her room and sent several workers to the ER.

 

Believe me, it's a driver for me to eat well, exercise, and manage blood pressure/cholesterol issues because she never did any of that consistently. Vascular dementia probably can be prevented or delayed, but of course Alzheimer's is less clear. Her sister was always very health-conscious and is active and sharp at 80.

[goldberry]

My mother has mild/moderate dementia at 81.  It's been hard to deal with the loss of the wonderful conversations we used to have.  But reading all the stories here makes me glad it is not so much worse - not yet anyways.   :grouphug:  to all....

[FaithManor]

Creekland, :grouphug:  :grouphug: :grouphug:  

 

GAH! This disease is absolutely hideous.

 

We have not personally dealt with it yet in our family, though I have cousins that are dealing with it in a parent and well, yikes! But, related, I can say that our experience with something similar was awful. Dh's grandmother had a stroke at 90 that destroyed her short term memory, but left her long term intact. She couldn't live alone and FIL was dying of cancer so she couldn't live with them and went to a nursing home. The home was good; the situation was a nightmare. FIL died and due to her destroyed short term memory she could never remember this fact. Never. So every single time someone visited her, she wanted to know if J was getting better, if his cancer was in remission, and when he was coming to see her. She had to be told that he'd died. Every time. Every time she became unconsolable eventually leading to being sedated so the family agreed to tell her on visits that he'd broken his leg and would visit when it was healed. She would say, "That's a pity. Tell him mom loves him and hopes it heals well." Then the conversation could move forward to events and acquaintances that were say at least a decade old. I don't think she remembered anything that had happened from about the age of 80 forward so to keep from confusing her, we had to just talk "old times" so to speak.

 

Occasionally someone would visit who didn't know "the plan" and would tell her J had died. WOWZA! Not good!

 

She lasted nine years like that.

 

I am so sorry this is happening to you.

[MomsintheGarden]

I'm sorry, Creekland.  My grandmother died at age 100 from Alzheimer's.  We first discovered that she had it in her late 80's.  It is truly horrible.  Fortunately she was in a good nursing home, and my mom worked tirelessly to advocate for her.

[creekland]

I feel very strongly about this for myself, as well (agree with you) but my understanding is that it's not quite that simple to take measures, legally speaking, for someone residing in the US. I mean it's not as easy as getting a one way ticket to Switzerland. Admittedly I have not thoroughly researched this as I'm in my 30s and things are changing.

We lost DH's grandma to dementia a couple of years ago, one of the loveliest people I've known. She had repeatedly expressed not wanting to live in that state, lost so much weight, but her heart and body were strong and did not comply with her wishes :(

 

Something being legal or not has never had a bearing on my life.  My life is mine and no person or gov't is going to say otherwise, esp not since I'm an adult.

 

Otherwise,  :grouphug: regarding your DH's grandma.

 

I'm so sorry, these stories make me want to weep. My mother has early stage and it's just difficult and frustrating. The worst thing is that I am acutely aware that we will all look back at these days as the "Good days." She's at the point where she is defensive and frightened because she cannot deny that she is...slipping. Sigh..It all makes my heart hurt and watching my girls realize that Grammy isn't getting better is really hard. Does anyone have suggestions for books or support for them? Thanks to all who shared above. Sending prayers, hugs and well wishes to all of you. 

 

I'm not sure about books or websites but I know I've learned a bit from those who have BTDT both IRL and on this forum.  It's also extremely helpful just knowing it's not so lonely dealing with it all.  It's horrid, absolutely horrid, but not unusual (which is also horrid, but...)

 

Sorry about your mom.   :grouphug:

 

We dealt with that for many years with my husband's grandmother.  One thing that I figured out that my husband did not completely was NOT to correct them.  You just enter the world where they are.  

 

...

 

I could not have cared for her here.  The memory care unit that was near to us was WONDERFUL.  She sort of got used to the routine and they were so good with her.  Before she went there and occasionally if I had to get her to do something hard, it was easier if I entered her world.    Things like, let's get you cleaned up so you look nice and pretty for xxx ( her husband's name) 

 

It is a terrible disease.  

 

Ditto with not correcting.  This morning it was all about closing the cottage down for winter - not for the work week.  It was sure getting cold outside, you know.  (In some universe where 80+ degrees heading toward 90 is cold.)

 

I really wish FIL would consider letting MIL live elsewhere.  He's not in the greatest health either and he could be enjoying far more of the years he has left if he'd allow any outside help at all.

 

Do we have a social group for people caring for aging parents? If so, could someone point me in the direction. If not, is someone interested in starting one? I don't have the mental bandwidth to start another, but would love to be a part of one. 

 

My dad has other health issues that are more time consuming, but I'll admit, this whole thing is challenging me to look at end of life/quality of life issues, mostly for myself.  

 

:bigear:  An open social group could be very useful for sharing information and vents.  I'd like for it to be open (if possible) rather than closed as it seems to me that many could suddenly find themselves in that position and want to read a bit before sharing.

 

Unfortunately, as in my sig, the growing old part of life is not optional.  Shared burdens are lighter even if they are just shared vents.  Shared tidbits helping each other out could be nuggets of gold.

[ajfries]

My DH's grandmother has been suffering from Alzheimers for the last 6 years or so. In that time, she's lost both a son and her husband of 60-something years. When she was told that her son had died, she thought he was still a young man and was, understandably, beyond devastated. Grandad died a few weeks ago, but the family has decided not to tell her. She wouldn't remember the next day and even just those few minutes of sorrow just isn't worth it. She just recently stopped recognizing my FIL. It is truly heartbreaking.

 

I'm so sorry to all who are going through this with loved ones.

[creekland]

My MIL has Alzheimer's and is also combative toward her caretakers and other patients. She's hit and bitten caretakers, hospital personnel and other residents at her facilities. One of the doctors who dealt with her said she's incredibly strong. She is. At her last facility it took five people to put her in bed. She's been removed from memory care facilities and it's been difficult to find any places that will take her.

 

Then of course there is her inability to recognize any of her family members. It's hard on my husband.

 

:grouphug:

 

My mother had vascular dementia that became mixed dementia with Alzheimer's. She battled mental illness most of her life, and then dementia made it twenty times worse.  She did unbelievable damage to her room and sent several workers to the ER.

 

Believe me, it's a driver for me to eat well, exercise, and manage blood pressure/cholesterol issues because she never did any of that consistently. Vascular dementia probably can be prevented or delayed, but of course Alzheimer's is less clear. Her sister was always very health-conscious and is active and sharp at 80.

 

:grouphug:  It is tough to know where the healthy lifestyle fits in with all of it.  MIL & FIL were always quite similar in what they ate and did (exercise, etc).  One has it (the younger one), the other does not.

 

My mother has mild/moderate dementia at 81.  It's been hard to deal with the loss of the wonderful conversations we used to have.  But reading all the stories here makes me glad it is not so much worse - not yet anyways.   :grouphug:  to all....

 

:grouphug:

 

Creekland, :grouphug:  :grouphug: :grouphug:  

 

GAH! This disease is absolutely hideous.

 

We have not personally dealt with it yet in our family, though I have cousins that are dealing with it in a parent and well, yikes! But, related, I can say that our experience with something similar was awful. Dh's grandmother had a stroke at 90 that destroyed her short term memory, but left her long term intact. She couldn't live alone and FIL was dying of cancer so she couldn't live with them and went to a nursing home. The home was good; the situation was a nightmare. FIL died and due to her destroyed short term memory she could never remember this fact. Never. So every single time someone visited her, she wanted to know if J was getting better, if his cancer was in remission, and when he was coming to see her. She had to be told that he'd died. Every time. Every time she became unconsolable eventually leading to being sedated so the family agreed to tell her on visits that he'd broken his leg and would visit when it was healed. She would say, "That's a pity. Tell him mom loves him and hopes it heals well." Then the conversation could move forward to events and acquaintances that were say at least a decade old. I don't think she remembered anything that had happened from about the age of 80 forward so to keep from confusing her, we had to just talk "old times" so to speak.

 

Occasionally someone would visit who didn't know "the plan" and would tell her J had died. WOWZA! Not good!

 

She lasted nine years like that.

 

I am so sorry this is happening to you.

 

:grouphug:  That stroke sounds pretty much as bad.

 

I'm sorry, Creekland.  My grandmother died at age 100 from Alzheimer's.  We first discovered that she had it in her late 80's.  It is truly horrible.  Fortunately she was in a good nursing home, and my mom worked tirelessly to advocate for her.

 

:grouphug:  I don't know that MIL will make it to 100.  Her health isn't that great at this point as it is and she never has gone to see a doctor in years.  Her family won't force the issue (again, her health doesn't seem to have the importance it would have if she were still mentally there - her happiness matters more to them).  I'm mixed on the issue.  I would like to see them have her get better hygiene (with help) and I've always felt she'd have done better if she'd at least tried current meds to delay onset.

[creekland]

My DH's grandmother has been suffering from Alzheimers for the last 6 years or so. In that time, she's lost both a son and her husband of 60-something years. When she was told that her son had died, she thought he was still a young man and was, understandably, beyond devastated. Grandad died a few weeks ago, but the family has decided not to tell her. She wouldn't remember the next day and even just those few minutes of sorrow just isn't worth it. She just recently stopped recognizing my FIL. It is truly heartbreaking.

 

I'm so sorry to all who are going through this with loved ones.

 

:grouphug:  There are things worth keeping mum about.  I fully understand.

[readwithem]

Do we have a social group for people caring for aging parents? If so, could someone point me in the direction. If not, is someone interested in starting one? I don't have the mental bandwidth to start another, but would love to be a part of one. 

 

My dad has other health issues that are more time consuming, but I'll admit, this whole thing is challenging me to look at end of life/quality of life issues, mostly for myself.  

 

I started one in November but never invited anybody - I guess that shows how my life went then  :crying:

 

I have invited those from this thread who mentioned wanting to join - and a few others - if I missed you, please don't take offense.  I have other things happening in my life right now - which means my mom is in a great place :)  I will write more probably next week but wanted to get the ball rolling since I saw this.

 

Please if you want to join and I haven't invited you - send me a PM and I'll do it ASAP.

[JonesinIndiana]

I'm sitting here in the nursing home with my mom and dad. My dad has ALZ and my mom is here for medical reasons.

 

My dad is obsessing about his shower and clothes because the clothes are sitting out waiting for the aide to come get him for his shower. I have to have the clothes out because the aide won't get clean clothes out of the drawer, and dad will go a long, long time without clean clothes. :/

 

My siblings and I visit everyday and it's needed

to stay on top of things here. I think the care has deteriorated and we have numerous stories of Medicaid nightmare with the front office.

I'm thankful we are local and able to visit often.

[creekland]

I'm sitting here in the nursing home with my mom and dad. My dad has ALZ and my mom is here for medical reasons.

 

My dad is obsessing about his shower and clothes because the clothes are sitting out waiting for the aide to come get him for his shower. I have to have the clothes out because the aide won't get clean clothes out of the drawer, and dad will go a long, long time without clean clothes. :/

 

My siblings and I visit everyday and it's needed

to stay on top of things here. I think the care has deteriorated and we have numerous stories of Medicaid nightmare with the front office.

I'm thankful we are local and able to visit often.

 

:grouphug:  My grandma was in a nursing home for medical reasons and toward the end her mind went now and then too.  I'm very glad my family took shifts being there with her.  The care she would have gotten otherwise would have been awful.

 

I'm glad you're there for your folks.

[Wildiris]

My mother has Lewy Body Dementia. It's hard. Mom is in a home, and I'm glad she gets the care she needs. When I see her it takes some time before she recognizes me; she does not recognize her grandchildren. I stopped taking her out a few months ago because she just could not negotiate life outside the home. 

 

One of the benefits of memory loss is Mom now lives in the moment. She doesn't dwell in the past, a past of pain and unhappiness that she held my brothers and I responsible for. So in my Mom's case, memory loss is a blessing. It's such a raw deal when one goes to visit a loved one and all they do is berate you for being the ungrateful child/children that put them in a home for their safety.

 

Lewy Body and ALZ make cancer look like a better way to go. At least cancer is quicker. One wants to go fast, like a seedless olive into the mouth of a fool.

[Tammyla]

:grouphug: