New Trend??? College Registries

[Granny_Weatherwax]

We are beginning to receive high school graduation announcements and so far three of them have contained links (or info to find the website) to College Registry pages.  Two are for Bed, Bath & Beyond the other is for Target.

 

These are like Bridal Shower, Wedding, and Baby Shower Registries.  The students have gone to these stores and selected a bunch of items they want for college.  The items range from backpacks to sheets to microwaves to cash donations.

 

I just don't know what to think about this.  Is this really a new thing?  A midwest thing?

[maize]

Never heard of it, sounds like a marketing ploy on the part of retail stores.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Oh gosh that's kinda crazy.  Some people did give me gifts for graduation, but I was rather embarrassed by that.  I didn't expect gifts!

 

 

[Wildcat]

This is new to me, too, but I'm not surprised by it. I agree that it's a marketing ploy.

 

I'm in the south but I suspect it will be widespread, if it isn't already. Maybe your area is a 'test market' to see if it works.

[MEmama]

That's just...just...beyond tacky. I cannot imagine. If I ever see one IRL it will straight into the recycling. It's nothing more than poor taste.

[Guest]

Anything to make a buck...

[Granny_Weatherwax]

This is new to me, too, but I'm not surprised by it. I agree that it's a marketing ploy.

 

I'm in the south but I suspect it will be widespread, if it isn't already. Maybe your area is a 'test market' to see if it works.

 

I live in a smallish ~30,000 pop city.  We don't even have a Bed, Bath & Beyond.  The nearest one is an hour an away.  I can't imagine our town being a test market.  Since no one else has heard of it, my guess is it's a midwest thing.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

This has been around for a few years. People often want to give a gift. There is a sense that it would be better to give/get something desired than something not needed.

There used to be the same debate over wedding registries. I think baby shower and bridal shower registries have really morphed over the years. It used to be that a bride would just say which department store she had chosen china and silver at. Now you can register for anything.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I wouldn't feel obliged to use the registry any more than a wedding registry is a required purchase.

 

I also wouldn't assume it is crass. I've seen how much is going on with helping a student finish high school. It's easy to start assuming this or that is necessary.

 

It may also be part of the financial pressure families feel. They want to direct whatever gifts there may be, not have three monogrammed pens when the kid really needed sets of sheets.

[Corraleno]

I don't think there's anything wrong with having a registry that the student or parent can point people to IF they specifically ask for gift suggestions, but IMO including a link in the graduation announcement itself is really tacky. 

[Jenny in Florida]

We've been seeing them promoted for a couple of years. I'm not a huge fan of registries in general, so it's not something we encouraged for our kids.

[JanetC]

I think how tacky it is depends on the contents of the list and who receives it.

 

Dorm-sized sheets and other school-related items are OK to ask for, while the top-of-the-line smartphone would seem tacky to me. The list should go to people who remember the child on other special occasions. (i.e. do they send a Christmas gift or whatever). 

 

My siblings and parents live across country and will probably be asking me for gift suggestions anyway when my DDs graduate. We may do one from a moderate-cost store like Target when the time comes. 

 

Even if you can't find something in your price range on the list, getting a gift card from that store means that multiple gifts can be put together to buy the backpack or whatever.

[Butter]

At first I thought it was tacky, but then I really thought about it and I like it.  A lot.  A pp poster said she didn't expect to get gifts when she graduated and she was embarrassed that some did.  That surprised me because I have never been to a graduation/graduation party where people didn't bring gifts.  Like for a new baby or a wedding, knowing what the person wants/needs, having a registry to buy gifts from is genius.  You are never obligated to use a registry.  They just make it easier on the person buying the gift.

[katilac]

I don't think it's any worse than mentioning a registry for a wedding or shower. Like Butter, I have never been to a graduation party where people didn't bring gifts. Even if they don't have a party, it's customary (around here) to send a card with money. 

 

Personally, I would not and have not included registry information in any invitation. I don't have a problem with them, I just think they shouldn't be included in the invitation. People can ask easily enough. 

 

I actually didn't have a registry for my wedding or my baby shower, because we had nothing and needed everything, lol. This did result in us getting some beautiful pieces of crystal that cost more than our furniture from the 'fancy' side of the family, but it was all fun and appreciated. 

 

My kids will do an Amazon wishlist for Christmas because we have a couple of people who have requested it. If anyone else asks for ideas, I will say something like, "She likes books, fun accessories, and craft items. She does have a wishlist (linked_here) if you would like more specific ideas, but she is pretty easy to please!" 

 

[Tokyomarie]

I have never received an invitation with College Registry links and I live in the Midwest. I've been to a lot of high school grad parties in the last few years because of my own kids (ds graduated last year). It is most customary for people to give money as a gift, unless they know the graduate quite well and either know what they would like or have created a special memory gift.

[luuknam]

People get gifts for graduating high school? Wish I'd known about that. I think my grandparents maybe gave me the equivalent of $10 each or so. Other people? No. But, just in case, if I ever graduate college, you're welcome to PM me and I'll make a registry and y'all can send me presents! :)

 

P.S. I'm not from the US, so I know that doesn't count. But I now live in the US (and have for the past decade), and I haven't heard of high school students getting gifts from everybody. A registry makes sense if you're in an area where everybody is giving gifts that costs more than a trivial amount (like, more than $5 or $10).

[Seasider]

A tacky thing!

 

Really, I understand registries for weddings and establishing new households. But I think scrounging your parents' cupboards and attic and culling out which of your own possessions to take with you to the dorm or first apartment is a rite of passage. Grads appreciate getting cash gifts to help purchase a few new things they need or want to complete the lot (ie, new laptops).

 

So I find a registry for a high school graduation a bit over the line.

[Mom22ns]

I have never received an invitation with College Registry links and I live in the Midwest. I've been to a lot of high school grad parties in the last few years because of my own kids (ds graduated last year). It is most customary for people to give money as a gift, unless they know the graduate quite well and either know what they would like or have created a special memory gift.

 

This. Graduation gifts are cash. I don't mind the idea of a registry, but I've never heard of it and I have never given or received anything but cash (or check) for graduation.

[Tanaqui]

I agree that it's a marketing ploy. However, as society becomes, on the whole, less opposed to the idea of having wishlists and registries (even as there are some sections which still think they're universally tacky), I think this is one of the least bad uses of it. Your college student is starting a new life, and by the time they get married (IF they get married) they may already have all the things they need for their household. So why not give them house-setting-up stuff now? And since you've decided on that, why not get them what they asked for and avoid duplicates?

[katilac]

This. Graduation gifts are cash. I don't mind the idea of a registry, but I've never heard of it and I have never given or received anything but cash (or check) for graduation.

 

I think most graduates are perfectly delighted with cash, but some people don't like to give cash gifts. 

[Granny_Weatherwax]

Thanks for the replies.

 

Since this was the first year I had seen a link to a registry, I was quite curious as to how common it is.  It appears not to be a 'new' think but perhaps not widespread yet.

 

It is interesting to see how customs and practices change over the years.

[OneStepAtATime]

I got a few cash gifts from close family and a few close family friends but not gift gifts.

I get having a registry in today's day and age for many things but I agree with upthread. Its a right of passage to scrounge together things you are going to need at school. I had fun doing it but more importantly I wasn't heading out the door expecting everyone to shower me with new stuff or for me to even have new stuff. Plus, when I got to school there were a lot of us with used stuff. It was kind of expected. No one was embarrassed. Kind of irritates me how much pressure there is now to have all new things.

But times change and so do expectations. I am betting graduation registeries in invitations will become the norm. Haven't seen any yet, though. Wonder where it started specifically?

[Ellie]

It is a tacky trend, similar to the including-wedding-registries-with-the-wedding-invitation trend. Don't encourage them by playing the game.

[Dmmetler]

A card with money is typical here. My dorm was outfitted courtesy of a discount store going out of business during my senior year-my mom bought all the stuff that went to 90% off. I had the most mismatched dorm room known to man (think blaze orange blankets with purple and green patterned sheets) but it was cheap :)

[OneStepAtATime]

A card with money is typical here. My dorm was outfitted courtesy of a discount store going out of business during my senior year-my mom bought all the stuff that went to 90% off. I had the most mismatched dorm room known to man (think blaze orange blankets with purple and green patterned sheets) but it was cheap :)

Yes!  Me too!  Memco went out of business and that's how I got my bedspread and a few knickknacks.  $20 for whatever we could cram in the shopping cart, one cart per customer, and my parents, bro and I were all juggling for real estate space in that cart.   :laugh:

[Tanaqui]

Oh, I just realized I didn't actually give an opinion on whether or not it's tacky, just a reasoning-out. My *emotional* view is that it's just as tacky as other registries and wishlists, and that unless you're in a subculture where this is the norm you should probably not hand it out to people unless specifically asked (or unless they gave you their registry in the past, in which case you can go ahead and assume they won't be offended, turnabout being fair play and all), and you should ensure that you have a wide range of price points for the items on the list, including some really inexpensive things.

[luuknam]

Your college student is starting a new life, and by the time they get married (IF they get married) they may already have all the things they need for their household. So why not give them house-setting-up stuff now? And since you've decided on that, why not get them what they asked for and avoid duplicates?

 

I moved to the US and got married after my first year in college (which I realize is very unusual). So most of my stuff stayed behind in NL. Even if I hadn't, there is a limit to how much 'stuff' you have/need for college, and how well some of it transfers to married life. I went from a single bed (seriously, it was narrower than a twin) to a queen size bed, so none of the bedding I had would've worked even if I'd brought them with me. Also, I had a few of my parents' camping plates/cutlery, and a couple of pans. I'm thinking I maybe had 4 plates, 4 knives, etc, but maybe less than that (besides, the idea was my parents would get them back after college for camping purposes). Usually, a married couple would like to have more than 4 of each (of course, if both have, say, 4 of each, you end up with 8, which is doable, but it's nice to not have mismatched plastic camping plates). Never mind things like a microwave or other kitchen appliances, which I would not have had space for before I got married.

 

I get what you're saying, especially for people who wait until they're 30+ before they get married and have careers, a house, etc. They often really don't need anything. But I'm quite thankful for everything we got at our wedding. Never mind the difference between a wedding, where you spend a lot of money for a party, vs graduating high school, where you typically wouldn't really spend much/any money on a party. Sure, you could get married without throwing a wedding party and just spend the money you save on kitchen appliances, plates, and bedding, but a lot of people like weddings*. So if you spend $30 (or more) per guest on the wedding, it's really not that unreasonable for the guests to bring you some sort of present, and have it be something you want. And no, our wedding registry was not printed on the invite.

 

*We kept our wedding as small as my in-laws would allow. Any smaller, and my MIL would've been pissed off. We didn't even have a wedding cake, but it was still quite expensive.

 

P.S. why does anyone need new sheets/bedding for college? Surely everyone has a bed before they go to college? Just take the bedding off of it and take it with you to college. Done.

[Tanaqui]

 

P.S. why does anyone need new sheets/bedding for college? Surely everyone has a bed before they go to college? Just take the bedding off of it and take it with you to college. Done.

 

I don't know about you, but by the end of high school a lot of my bedding was, um, a little stainy and embarrassing. The only ones that weren't were all sides-to-middled unfitted sheets, and they only escaped that fate by the fact that none of us ever wanted to bother with those. Had I gone away to school, I would have *definitely* wanted new sheets.

[katilac]

 

P.S. why does anyone need new sheets/bedding for college? Surely everyone has a bed before they go to college? Just take the bedding off of it and take it with you to college. Done.

 

And what, take it back and forth with you every time you go home? If you have extra sets at home, that's great, but if not, you do kind of need some new bedding. You might be able to slip the sheets in your suitcase, but the comforter not so much, lol. 

 

Also, many dorm beds are oddly sized and need the extra-long sheets. 

 

I went to college in the mid 80s, at a very non-fancy public university. My roommate's mom had the impression that her and my mom were going to go shopping and buy all matching stuff for the room, which would indeed have been ridiculous even if we could afford it and hadn't come loaded down with family extras. I mean, school was about to start, we couldn't believe she wanted to outfit an entire room in an afternoon! 

 

So I do think a lot of it is silly, but one set of bedding for home and one for college doesn't strike me as very extravagant. 

[Mom22ns]

So I do think a lot of it is silly, but one set of bedding for home and one for college doesn't strike me as very extravagant. 

 

Not to mention that not all kids sleep in the same size bed at home as in the form. My dd sleeps in a queen bed and will need twin bedding for the dorm at her intended college. Ds sleeps in a twin, but will need twin XL bedclothes for his dorm. No transferability at all here.

 

I'd want them to have a set in each place anyway though.

[Tsuga]

Ugh! This is like the follow-up, two-years-later-baby-of-the-same-sex baby shower, or a second marriage registry (!).

 

Card with a check. That's how it's done.

 

There, my judgy for the day.

[Lori D.]

P.S. why does anyone need new sheets/bedding for college? Surely everyone has a bed before they go to college? Just take the bedding off of it and take it with you to college. Done.

 

If living on campus (required by a lot of colleges for all in-coming freshmen), most dorms have extra-long twin size mattresses. Our children had regular twin size mattresses at home. Regular twin sheets do not fit on extra-long twin mattresses. So, new sheets are needed. You can make do with regular size twin blankets and comforters; they just don't tuck in at the very bottom end of the bed. 

[Pawz4me]

I agree that it's a marketing ploy, but I don't see it as being any more tacky than baby or wedding registries.  Which IMO aren't tacky at all.  As a gift giving challenged person, I appreciate having some idea of what my giftee would want.

 

 

 

P.S. why does anyone need new sheets/bedding for college? Surely everyone has a bed before they go to college? Just take the bedding off of it and take it with you to college. Done.

 

All the college dorms I'm familiar with have extra long twin sized beds.  I don't know of anyone who has that sized bed in their home.  We sure don't.  Thus new sheets were required.  Plus I can't imagine a kid taking the bedding off of their bed at home, unless they never planned on coming home during the school year?  Or are they supposed to bring all the bedding home with them each visit???

[luuknam]

Ugh! This is like the follow-up, two-years-later-baby-of-the-same-sex baby shower, or a second marriage registry (!).

 

I know, right?! It's like, maybe I should get divorced and get remarried so I can get all new stuff, lol. It's not like people get presents for their however many year wedding anniversary. Which reminds me of my youngest aunt & uncle, who told me that they wouldn't come to my wedding, but would happily come to the divorce. Tacky too. It's not like I got married for the 5th time or something. I'm still on my first marriage (10 years now). Wondering if they'd come to an anniversary party if I were to throw one. I still want a wedding cake (didn't have one at my wedding), so I actually will throw an anniversary party at *some* point, with cake.

 

ETA: where I'm from you need to bring a bed to your dorm. And most people have at least 2 sets of sheets, for easier laundry, and often at least some spare blankets in case a guest comes to sleep over. That said, I'm from a middle class background. So, okay, I can see that with XL twins forced on you, you might need new sheets.

[Ellie]

I agree that it's a marketing ploy, but I don't see it as being any more tacky than baby or wedding registries.  Which IMO aren't tacky at all.  As a gift giving challenged person, I appreciate having some idea of what my giftee would want.

 

 

They are tacky when they are included with graduation announcements or wedding invitations.

[Laura Corin]

I tend to assume that people go off to university with cheap stuff: it's not usually a time of their lives when they will take great care of things or, in general, be very concerned with interior design.  Of course there will be exceptions.

 

So setting up a registry for cheap-and-nasty stuff sounds odd, to me.

 

FWIW, Calvin went off to university with his old Ikea sheets (he has upgraded to a double bed at home, so his single sheets were in the cupboard) as the beds at university are standard singles.  He took the kettle that we had replaced and a some old Ikea mugs and glasses.

[creekland]

I haven't seen college registries yet.  We tend to be like most folks and tuck cash in a card.

 

My older two boys (homeschool grads) never had a graduation party.  We just went out for a nice family dinner.  Some relatives sent them congratulation cards with cash or a check in it.

 

My ps boy had a graduation party friends of his threw him.  He got some REALLY cute gifts there with college in mind (like a plunger - good for toilets, a doorstop, and in a pinch, a drinking glass ;) ).  Then there was some cash and gift cards, but nothing huge.  I love how creative some folks were - no registry needed.  We parents also took him out for a nice family dinner.

 

As for going to college, I took all three of mine out hunting and shopping for things.  We checked thrift shops, auctions, and bought some things (including TWO sets of sheets) new for them. Sheets they had at home wouldn't have fit their dorm room beds.  I've no regrets at all. It was a fun mom/son time.  

[Tsuga]

Which reminds me of my youngest aunt & uncle, who told me that they wouldn't come to my wedding, but would happily come to the divorce. Tacky too. It's not like I got married for the 5th time or something. 

 

How incredibly rude. It says more about the people speaking the words, than the intended audience.

[ValRN]

nm

[Garga]

Card with cash in it for us.

 

However, last year when a friend's daughter had a graduation party I remember somewhere along the line being told that "things for a dorm room would be appreciated." There was no registry or list, it was just a suggestion. We still gave cash because I didn't want to duplicate a gift, but I can understand a registry as well. It wouldn't be a big deal to me. We all know they need some odds and ends for the dorm room.

 

I think it's better to give money. And if I were a student, I would rather have money. I would have enjoyed the experience of buying the things myself more than putting them on a registry and waiting for someone else to buy them. Also, if I were a grad, I would have tried to outfit the room as cheaply as possible (using old dishes, etc.) and then saved the cash for dinners out or books or something useful once I was there.

 

I will continue to give money if I'm invited to graduation parties.

[Junie]

I have gotten these in the past and I have not been offended.  If I would have normally given the person a gift (close friend/relative) then I know what to get.  If I would not have given a gift (acquaintance), then I just ignore it.

[Seasider]

Another thing that many new college students will want, is a mattress topper. ALL of my kids' dorm beds have been like rocks! I was glad that my kids had some graduation money to spend, as those things aren't cheap! Ds likes his so much that he brings it home when he comes home. Navy girl only wishes she'd been able to have one, but then Plebe year she mostly slept on the floor as she didn't have time to make her rack. They make them once, with duct tape and then leave them alone. 

 

So glad you mentioned this, Margaret!