PuddleJumper1 Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 My personal e-mails were forwarded. I recently had the opportunity to meet an individual who oversees an activity I've wanted to get involved with for some time. After our meeting we began a back and forth e-mail conversation. There wasn't anything terribly personal in my e-mails but there was information about one of my children and dates and times I would be certain places. I happen to oversee a group of people who could be very helpful to this activity so I sent an e-mail letting this person know I would send an e-mail to my group asking for their help. When they replied to me they added a person to the address section as this person also helps with this activity. This in and of it self is no problem as it was helpful organizational information, however, when they sent the e-mail it included the multiple e-mails that had gone back and forth over the last few days. I am not happy about that but I'm wondering if I am being too sensitive. The person who received the e-mail is an individual who I really do not want knowing my personal business but I think it would bother me whether I actually knew the person or not. Would it bother you to have your personal e-mails forwarded on to someone (even though it was done innocently)? Would you say something to the individual who forwarded your personal e-mails? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Yes, it would bother me, and yes, I would say something to ensure that it didn't happen again. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammi K Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 If there wasn't anything sensitive in the forwarded email, I wouldn't be worried about it but i do think I would want to make a point of asking the sender to keep emails private unless you specifically allowed it to be forwarded. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Unless there was sensitive information in there (such as, my kid needs xyz because of abc diagnosis or bedwetting or she is grounded for pdq), then I don't think it would bother me and I would not say anything. I don't consider information about where my kids will be etc. to be sensitive information. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 yes it would bother me. yes I would say something. I would broach it from the angle that the sender didn't realize it could be a problem. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DragonFaerie Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Yes, it would bother me, but I'm pretty anti-confrontational, so I don't think I would say anything. I would, however, be careful about what information I shared with that person/those people in the future. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 I would just mention that you're a private person and don't want your emails being forwarded unless you know about it. I wouldn't make a big deal about it though. I agree with others that my kids names, ages, activities aren't really private information so I don't think the majority of people would think twice about it. I do suspect that the majority of people in this thread will be more upset about it though. IME homeschoolers tend to be more concerned about privacy than other groups. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEmama Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 It definitely bothers me. My parents do it all the time and there is no way they would understand it's not okay. I don't like to receive forwarded emails from other people for this reason either. Their information isn't for me to know unless they want to share it with me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 It would bother me but unless there were very personal information I probably would not say anything. I would be careful what information I sent the offenders in the future. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluegoat Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 I think I would not say anything, because I think this sort of thing is quite common. I would just make sure that in the future, I was more careful about saying what sort of information i would not like shared. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In The Great White North Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 It is very irritating, very common and virtually unpreventable. Once you send something out, it can be forwarded or saved by others. It remains on the server indefinitely (well, apparently not the Clintons servers, but everyone else's). Your email provider saves it and can be forced to produce it. It is no longer private and I've yet to hear of a court case where the expectation of privacy was respected. It just isn't there. If you put it online, you might as well out it on a billboard. It would be nice if your "friends" respected your wishes in this regard, but is hardly a guarantee (if it even crosses their mind). To limit the ill effects, you have a few options: 1.) Don't put personal info on group emails. 2.) Don't reply to group emails at all. 3.) Start a new email to answer an email instead of clicking "Reply", or worse "Reply all". (The recipient can only forward the last email this way.) Do this with individual emails as well as group emails. Note that this will only LIMIT the ease with which your info can be disseminated, it is still not safe. If you REALLY want to keep your info off other peoples emails, you have to stay off the Internet. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plink Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 There wasn't anything terribly personal in my e-mails but there was information about one of my children and dates and times I would be certain places. None of this would be information I would think of as personal (and I have kids with multiple learning disabilities, medical diagnoses etc.). I wouldn't be offended, so wouldn't need to confront anyone over it. ETA: If you are worried, just talk to the person. I'm sure you can quickly come to a solution. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 Wouldn't bother me. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbgrace Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 This is very common, even among professionals in my experience. What you mentioned being shared wouldn't bother me. I wouldn't say anything. Even if it did bother me, I don't think I would say anything. I would just be mindful of her tendencies in future email exchanges. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foxbridgeacademy Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 Probably wouldn't bother me but I'm pretty open with my info anyway. If it went to someone I didn't like or someone who I thought might cause trouble with the info, then yeah, it would bother me but I wouldn't be upset with the sender and I'd mention it, but try not to make a huge deal about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 Nope, it wouldn't bother me. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wapiti Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 I would take my discomfort as a sign that I have over-shared (something I have a tendency to do, though my oversharing venue is typically a cocktail party or this forum). Then I would be mindful about what I emailed the person in the future. ETA, but no, nothing about what you've described would bother me and I wouldn't say anything. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PuddleJumper1 Posted April 8, 2015 Author Share Posted April 8, 2015 I wasn't offended in the least. No over-sharing involved. I'm not concerned or uncomfortable about what I shared - just that I chose to share it with this person and not with anyone else. It was a conversation which, like most conversations when getting to know someone, includes bits of info about your life pertinent to your relationship with that particular person. No doubt it was done unintentionally (more than likely they hit send not realizing that the whole thread was even there) so, of course, I'm not the least upset with sender. I just really would like for it not to happen again. That is the reason I wondered at saying something. Continued e-mail exchange will be a certainty. If I were to say anything it would be by way of "I know you didn't even realize, but I'd really appreciate if you'd delete the other emails before sending" etc. Nothing confrontational. I am probably one of the world's least confrontational people. However, I think I will take the path someone upthread suggested - start a new e-mail for all correspondence. Really nothing to be gained at this point. They can't take the e-mail back. It's just really unfortunate that the person who received it is a person I choose to keep completely out of my personal life due to past interaction. Thanks everyone for your input. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyGF Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 This happened to my dad in 1996 when he had written something very controversial. He taught us never to write in email what we wouldn't mind having put on the front page of a newspaper. OTOH, if a friend did it, I would talk with her about it. Often people who oversee activities forward emails. It helps create a paper trail and keeps them from remembering details incorrectly. Emily 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 Wouldn't bother me. Wouldn't cross my mind to be bothered. If you're bothered, just say so. It would be likely to happen again, however, because people forward things on auto-pilot and if a person clicks on "send" and then realizes a fraction of a second later, 'Dang it! I wasn't supposed to forward that!" it's too late. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngieC Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 It wouldn't bother me, but if it does bother you, you probably have an option in your email preferences where you can turn off "inlude original email when replying" or something similar. Therefore whenever you reply to anyone, the previous email(s) will not be included. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aiden Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 It wouldn't bother me at all, but then, when I correspond with people in regard to activities with which I'd like to get involved, we almost always end up with a group copied on the email--it's almost certain that one will be going out of town, but will copy someone else on the email so that the process of getting involved can continue, or one won't have an answer so it'll be copied to someone who does, etc. Anything that I'm not ok with sharing with the world (or at least with everyone involved in that activity) doesn't get mentioned in those emails. If they then happen to get forwarded to the one person in all of creation that I'd rather not have that information (and there usually is someone, no matter how innocuous the information may be), because I didn't think about the possibility of that one person being involved in the activity, I groan and move on. If I shared something and later realized I didn't want it forwarded, I would start a new conversation rather than replying, or reply without quoting the conversation, in order to get it off the email chain going forward. OP, I LOVE your username, btw :D 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEmama Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 Personal email is used in lieu of the telephone or old fashioned letters; it is a form of conversation. Whether or not information in the correspondence is personal or sensitive isn't really the point--you are, in essence, conversing with ONE person, not also to that person's friend, or to your aunt or to anyone else the recipient feels like sharing your words with. It's not within their rights, IMO. Perhaps legally it is, but I think it's very bad form. I don't communicate much with my family much anymore because I don't appreciate having my emails passed around for whomever to see. I didn't write to their friends, after all; sharing my thoughts without my consent in that way is a betrayal of trust. Even if it's just whining about he weather or whatever. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wildcat Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 It would bother me, but I'm weird that way. I also hate when people forward things to others without removing my e-mail address or when they CC me on things, rather than doing a BCC. Having my personal e-mail address out there opens me up to more spam & the potential for hacking. As MEmama said above, it's bad form. I can't believe in this day and age that people don't automatically do some of these things. It's a courtesy and takes a second to do. OP, I hear you, and yes, I would say something, nicely, but honestly expect it to fall on deaf ears. I have repeatedly tried to tell people how to reply only to a sender of an e-mail rather than the entire group (both in multiple-recipient e-mails and in yahoo lists), and it doesn't work. I do wish you luck, though. I think I will adopt the 'new e-mail' strategy when replying to people; that's a good idea. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 I'm a bit confused. Did you reply in the same email conversation with one person, to send group information to a bunch of people? Then this other person opened it up to one more person? I guess it depends on who made an individual conversation visible to many others. I'm not sure what happened in this case. Generally speaking, one shouldn't change the recipient on an email conversation unless the whole point is sharing all prior emails in the conversation. It sounds like a brand new email should have been started, just with the pertinent information. That being said, dates/times regarding my kids wouldn't bother me. But I would be bothered by a change in audience just on principle. I wouldn't say anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostSurprise Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 It may or may not bother me, but I wouldn't fault the person to whom I was sending the email. Whenever you mix organizational and personal business there is the possibility that the email will be forwarded. Forwarding is the most common way for information to be passed within an organization. When you mix business and personal sometimes something gets out there. I'm assuming she doesn't know of your previous interaction with this person. Children's names/widely known information doesn't trip a privacy trigger for most people. I would give myself a mental kick, take note of the relationship between Person A and Person B, and move on. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 If the person is new-ish to email or the position and would take my saying something constructively, I might say something very carefully. It is good email practice to start a fresh email with only the pertinent information, but whether or not your relationship with this person would allow for that kind of feedback is situation-specific. We have to explicitly teach new assistants this (also "Would you want this email read by the judge?"). People are used to emailing casually, but email has become the standard for much formal conversation as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 Yes, it would bother me, and yes, I would say something to ensure that it didn't happen again. Yes. If I ever have someone ask me about something, and I know someone else that can help them with it, I always just start a new email chain. IF the person asks me to forward something on, I will. But I wouldn't ever consider it ok to do so otherwise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reefgazer Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 As long as the email was not intended for one person's eyes (because it was strictly a personal email), then I wouldn't mind, and might even have expected that it would be sent farther and wider than I intended. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PuddleJumper1 Posted April 8, 2015 Author Share Posted April 8, 2015 I'm a bit confused. Did you reply in the same email conversation with one person, to send group information to a bunch of people? Then this other person opened it up to one more person? I guess it depends on who made an individual conversation visible to many others. I'm not sure what happened in this case. Generally speaking, one shouldn't change the recipient on an email conversation unless the whole point is sharing all prior emails in the conversation. It sounds like a brand new email should have been started, just with the pertinent information. That being said, dates/times regarding my kids wouldn't bother me. But I would be bothered by a change in audience just on principle. I wouldn't say anything. I was having a one on one conversation with one person that lasted several emails. In one e-mail I mentioned that I would get word to my group that their help would be appreciated - this was only informational for him not something that needed to be shared with anyone. When replying to me he added another person's e-mail into the address line. When the email was sent with that person added every previous e-mail (that had nothing to do with my group helping) was sent along as it was one long e-mail thread. That looks as clear as mud :) In simple form. An e-mail address was added in the middle of a conversation, without my knowledge, thus sending all of my emails to someone I would definitely not have chosen to send them to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ausmumof3 Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 In future I would delete everything below the email you are replying to. It does annoy me when people don't understand email etiquette but not enough to confront them. If it's someone really close to me I might approach it in a just so you know kind of way. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 Yes, that's more clear. :). Thanks for clarifying. This person doesn't know proper email etiquette. Sorry :(. That was bad form. I was having a one on one conversation with one person that lasted several emails. In one e-mail I mentioned that I would get word to my group that their help would be appreciated - this was only informational for him not something that needed to be shared with anyone. When replying to me he added another person's e-mail into the address line. When the email was sent with that person added every previous e-mail (that had nothing to do with my group helping) was sent along as it was one long e-mail thread. That looks as clear as mud :) In simple form. An e-mail address was added in the middle of a conversation, without my knowledge, thus sending all of my emails to someone I would definitely not have chosen to send them to. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 I think people just don't realize that they are forwarding the entire conversation. Those are the same people who forward a bunch of stuff to otherwise unrelated people without using the send to self/BCC all recipients method. I am a bit perturbed when stuff like that happens, but I've grown *very* careful about what I say in emails, because of situations like yours. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lauranc Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 It would bother me, yes. I learned a number of years ago to never put anything in an email I wouldn't mind the whole world knowing. One of my family members (without thinking) forwarded an email of mine to another family member. The email was not intended for anyone but family member #1, and the content upset/offended family member #2. :sad: I decided after that incident I would just call or talk in person if anything seemed like 'sensitive' information. So far, it's worked for me. If it had been a family member or good friend, I would mention something, but I probably wouldn't in this situation. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKS Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 This type of thing drives me nuts, but I have learned that anything I put in an email might become public in the future. So I write all emails with this in the back of my mind. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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