ktgrok Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I don't mean this in a judgemental way. Sometimes we consider having another kid, but right now isn't a good time. I need to get some health stuff under control. But it's possible that a year from now we'd be in a good place for another child. But..that would mean me having a child at age 40. I had my first at age 22, and two others in between. Huge spread. Does anyone ever regret that last, later in life baby? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I've known people who have. Obviously they loved the child but realized that having a child hadn't been the best decision for their family. One reason one person had was having the child to fix a broken marriage (didn't work). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 No. I do sometimes wonder about how life might be different without the last one (born way later than the rest of the lot). But absolutely no regrets. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto10blessings Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I do not know of anyone who regrets having one of their children. At least not that they admit. I do know a lot of people who are counting down the days until their kids leave home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xixstar Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I regret spacing two of mine so close because of the very difficult years that followed. I sometimes regretted having two more when my oldest was 13 but those were moments during those very difficult years mentioned above. Now I am very content with my family and we are going to have a fourth too. I sometimes think going for #4 was a terrible decision since life is great and I am close to launching a new career but I am also very very excited about it too. The only real regret I have is choosing to raise my oldest as a very young teen mother - i do not reccomend that to anyone. Clearly that doesn't mean I don't love my oldest tons or that I am not grateful for everything life brought us but if I had the choice to alter my life at that point in time I would have made a different choice for both of us. I feel like it can be unfair to imply that regretting some choices somehow implies that there isn't tons if love and joy in life. And I imagine it is more about how a child would perceive the message if they heard it directly. My oldest and I have talked and I am sure they know they are fully loved and wanted and yet understand when I say that my choice was probably not the best path to take and that in no way affects the love we share. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jann in TX Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 DH and I love our youngest and can't imagine ever 'regretting' her (or either of our other children and they both have major issues). I do know that our lives would be very DIFFERENT if we would not have had our youngest. But no regrets-- just DIFFERENT. If you are trying to decide IF you want another child this is not really a valid question to ask (do you regret?) You and your DH have to decide if it is right for your family-- is your health in check, can you afford another child... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovinmyboys Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I don't think most people regret having another child. They love that child. My ILs have a wonderful son who came 8yrs after their #5 was born. They love him, but they didn't really want to actively parent for 33 years. And I don't think they loved still having him in the house well into their 50s. I know my Dh thinks they were stressed with their 6 kids more than if they would have had fewer. They didn't have much money or time and it seemed like there was never enough to go around. He does have a great family and loves all his siblings, so not really a regret but a perhaps life would have been less stressful with fewer. Plus, he is the oldest so he felt like his house was always full of little kids and was geared more toward the younger kids. I would really like to have one more, but I don't because I do think I may regret the added stress on the family. Not everyone is like me and I am all for everyone having the number of children that works for them. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dynamite5 Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I don't mean this in a judgemental way. Sometimes we consider having another kid, but right now isn't a good time. I need to get some health stuff under control. But it's possible that a year from now we'd be in a good place for another child. But..that would mean me having a child at age 40. I had my first at age 22, and two others in between. Huge spread. Does anyone ever regret that last, later in life baby? I have a good friend who has 2 children, spaced 3 years apart. Then she had a baby when her kids were 15 and 12. She told me one day that they had decided they must have been off their rockers when they decided starting over was a good idea. They both regretted having a baby. They love their child, but the upheaval and changes in their life was more than they had bargained for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cjzimmer1 Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 We thought we were done with 5 but then along came #6. It has been an adjustment since we didn't have any space bedwise or in the vehicle but somehow we have made it work. But when I watch the relationships my oldest kids have developed with the youngest, I know it was absolutely the best thing for our family. We all have so much fun watching the antics of a toddler. Despite the space issues we are actually now discussing having another. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I don't think most people regret or say they openly regret. But I do know people that had another child that definitely led to stress and end of a marriage and/or a financial strain and change of lifestyle and feeling like they weren't able to raise any of their kids in a way they were truly happy with. So I think it is important to weigh all things in the decision. I would have loved one more. My DH was DONE and I can definitely see 2 is the right number for his personality, not to mention he was older when we started. And one of the greatest gifts both our parents gave us was a college degree without debt. That actually looked different for each of our sets of parents. Neither of us were handed a blank check and both of us worked hard academically and at real jobs during college too. But I hope we are able to help in that way for our kids as well. I have a friend who I was raised with who was born 10 year after her closes age sibling (and had many older sibs, some as old as my parents). Her parents took a very hands off approach to her upbringing that was not a good fit for her. They were just checked out on parenting. She later had serious mental health and emotional issues (that actually linger into her 40's). She was very open with her jealousy of other kids and their level of parental involvement as a child. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Dd(9) was our surprise baby. I was content with my 3son's and along came baby girl. No regret. She has been such a joy. Keeps our life interesting. My oldest was 12 when she was born and she is5.5 years younger than baby boy#3. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FO4UR Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 My oldest was 10yo when we had our youngest, not a huge spread, but she was certainly a surprise. I do not regret her one bit. She's the sweetest of the bunch. :lol: But, I do wish I could change some of the surrounding circumstances. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kerileanne99 Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I think everyone has moments of 'what if?' What would my life have been like without....it doesn't mean that kiddo is loved any less:) As I near the end of a very difficult pregnancy, one we waited for and tried for with five losses in between, I STILL am wondering often if it was the right decision! We are thrilled, excited, and terrified. My dd5 is extremely high-maintenance, I have health issues. We had gotten to the point where the baby days were over and spent a lot of time traveling. So many things that were possible will either no longer be or will be postponed for quite a while...and I worry a lot about being physically able to take both kids out. So I definitely understand the 'what were we thinking?!' Mentality...and the fact that it can exist concurrently with an inordinate amount of love of the little being that exists because of that decision (or circumstance:) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 No Ragrets. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 No Ragrets. Did you mean No rug-rats? :leaving: 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I often wish I'd stopped at five. My son was a weird NFP mishap conceived on day six of my cycle. I was in a state of shock for the first six years of his life, first because the pregnancy was unplanned and then because wasn't neurotypical and was a very difficult child to nurture. Our last baby was planned but turned out to be also very difficult since she didn't have anyone but our son near her age to look up to. So she is louder, wilder and more difficult than she would have been otherwise. I don't regret the individual children. I adore them. They make me laugh (and cry) and I'm sure that to a certain extent they keep me young. But I don't have nearly the patience and fun spirit I did with the other children. I'm not sure they are getting the mommy they deserve some days. I sort of wish I would have acknowledged my limits, gone back to school and finished a degree or two so that when I was done homeschooling in 3 years or so I'd be ready for my next chapter. But this is turning out to be a very long chapter. My mom was a grandma of two at my age. Biologically I feel as if I've moved on from raising young kids but my reality hasn't get caught up :) I keep telling myself to hang in for two more years. Eight years old is when things start looking up for me. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I think the more important questions would be what health issues are you facing and if you had another child at 40 is there a strong likelihood of those health issues coming back and preventing you from being there for your later in life child? Would the child have a strong possibility of having to take care of you instead of the other way around? Would you have the energy to be able to keep up with a young child? What if your child is not neurotypical? What if they have special needs or they have some learning challenges? Would you have the mental and physical capacity to be there for them? Lots of people have kids later in life. My grandfather had my uncle at 40 and my mom at 44. My grandmother was just a few years younger. Worked out fine. But they were both in excellent health and stable financially. By the time they started having serious health concerns Mom and my uncle were both married, mature adults well established in their careers and were able to step in and help. I would love another child. So would my kids. But at this point the risks would be huge for both the baby and me. And I don't have the mental or physical stamina to take care of a young child 24/7 anymore. I have asked myself the above questions several times over the years. The answer, sadly, has been "no". All that being said, 40 isn't so old. It might be a great choice for your family. I'm sure glad my maternal grandparents had kids late in life! :) Just be certain to ask and answer questions honestly when thinking it through and absolutely be certain you and your DH are both on board. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Did you mean No rug-rats? :leaving: nope. No Ragrets. It's my credo. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 My mom was always saying she should have never had 4 kids. She would always say "I couldn't say which two I should have had, just that it would have been a better thing to only have two." My mom ended up raising those kid herself and it was a real financial struggle. She thought if she had had 2 kids there would have been more to go around. I understand what she was saying. I also think she was overwhelmed with four kids. Even if her marriage had been secure, 4 kids wasn't a great choice for her. She was pretty miserable for a while and we all knew it. My MIL also had 4 kids and is very open about the fact that she wasn't very good at parenting and didn't like raising kids. Like really really open about it. She says she never even thought about whether or not she should have them, but is jealous of the younger generation that we can decide. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I think the more important questions would be what health issues are you facing and if you had another child at 40 is there a strong likelihood of those health issues coming back and preventing you from being there for your later in life child? Would the child have a strong possibility of having to take care of you instead of the other way around? Would you have the energy to be able to keep up with a young child? What if your child is not neurotypical? What if they have special needs or they have some learning challenges? Would you have the mental and physical capacity to be there for them? Lots of people have kids later in life. My grandfather had my uncle at 40 and my mom at 44. My grandmother was just a few years younger. Worked out fine. But they were both in excellent health and stable financially. By the time they started having serious health concerns Mom and my uncle were both married, mature adults well established in their careers and were able to step in and help. I would love another child. So would my kids. But at this point the risks would be huge for both the baby and me. And I don't have the mental or physical stamina to take care of a young child 24/7 anymore. I have asked myself the above questions several times over the years. The answer, sadly, has been "no". All that being said, 40 isn't so old. It might be a great choice for your family. I'm sure glad my maternal grandparents had kids late in life! :) Just be certain to ask and answer questions honestly when thinking it through and absolutely be certain you and your DH are both on board. I was posting something similar upthread. It isn't just about whether you can gracefully handle a pregnancy at 40, but whether you can handle a tantrum at 46 or a glass smashed on the tile while simultaneously handling college applications and teaching Algebra II. Turns out that's the toughest part for me. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I was posting something similar upthread. It isn't just about whether you can gracefully handle a pregnancy at 40, but whether you can handle a tantrum at 46 or a glass smashed on the tile while simultaneously handling college applications and teaching Algebra II. Turns out that's the toughest part for me. oh lord, I now have a sudden overwhelming urge for a large glass of wine. So, I guess you know my answer to that question. And I am older than 46 right now 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 This is an impossible question for anyone to answer for anyone. ;) As for me, absolutely no regrets. Only gratitude. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomtoCandJ Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Nope, I love my girls. But I've had the Essure things put in so there will only be 2, which is a good number for us. Though I think it would have been a little easier if they were 2-3 years apart instead of 5 but we weren't ready for another when dd1 was 2-3 years old either. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kalypso Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I had my last at 40, and we have no regrets. She has a very special relationship with dd18, anfd I love to watch them together. I have really appreciated her because I know she is our last, and it seems like childhood goes by in an instant. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fruitofthewomb Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 My MIL has 5 & even though she can't say who she would 'send back' she wishes they hadn't had so many. I also have an older friend who had 4 & wished she had stopped at 2 or 3. She just felt spread thin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I knew a mom that had an oops baby at 50. It was so hard for them all including the child because they really had moved on to another stage in life and never totally re-entered the baby/ child one. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah CB Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Once we had #3 we figured there wouldn't be much difference between 3 or 5 or 6. I was deep into the enjoyment of babies, toddlers, and preschoolers and loved homeschooling. At that point, I couldn't imagine not loving those stages. However, I also ended up with really high blood pressure for pregnancies 2, 3, and 4. Each one was worse and I was on and off bedrest from 29 weeks with the last one. He was induced three weeks early (the other two boys were only induced 2 weeks early). We figured it was too risky to have another, plus the practicalities of trying to parent while on bedrest with no extended family to help was near to impossible. I was really, really sad for about three years. Someone close to me had an abortion during that time and that made me sadder. I really wanted a baby. Then my sister got pregnant and I was so happy for her, but I was also feeling sorry for myself. Then my kids got older and more difficult. I find babies and toddlers and preschoolers easy. I don't mind the lack of sleep. I don't mind having a baby in a sling while I do housework or cook. I love reading to preschoolers and making cookies with them. I find older kids rewarding in other ways but also so, so exhausting. And I feel like I knew way more about parenting ten years ago than I do now. Seriously, I wish I could have written a book back then so that I had it to refer to now. Because I used to know all the answers and now I have lots of questions and no real answers. I am so very relieved that we didn't have any more babies. I'm sure I would have loved them, but I am very close to being done and I don't think I could handle any more years of active parenting. I would like to enjoy my kids as adults and move on to the next chapter in my life soon. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I knew a mom that had an oops baby at 50. It was so hard for them all including the child because they really had moved on to another stage in life and never totally re-entered the baby/ child one. :svengo: Suddenly I'm not as tired. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I knew a few different couples who'd wished they hadn't had a third child. The moms divulged the info. privately. This was many years ago. Alley 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I knew a mom that had an oops baby at 50. It was so hard for them all including the child because they really had moved on to another stage in life and never totally re-entered the baby/ child one. This makes me break out in a cold sweat. OP, if you feel that your family members "are not all here yet" then go for it. I don't think you will have regrets. But you will have a different life, for sure. I had some mixed feelings (not really regrets) about baby #4 for quite some time. She was born when I was almost 39, my mom was in the process of dying, I had a special needs child AND she had a complex birth defect. Not to boil it down to numbers, but I estimated that our out of pocket costs (after insurance) for her health and dental care for her first two years of life was about $10,000. It was mindblowing, really. Then her complex health and behavioral issues combined with my health issues and being old and tired and my mother dying and little dd not sleeping through the night until she was almost 3....well, I was wrung out completely. I think it might have taken a permanent toll on my health. Seriously. She is precious. My boys are big now. My big girl is off at college. The little girl is my heart. <3 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Then my kids got older and more difficult. I find babies and toddlers and preschoolers easy. I don't mind the lack of sleep. I don't mind having a baby in a sling while I do housework or cook. I love reading to preschoolers and making cookies with them. I find older kids rewarding in other ways but also so, so exhausting. You and I are opposites. I find the baby/toddler/preschool stage exhausting and confusing. I swear I never got one bit better at figuring out what a baby needs when it cries. I just got old and tired and stuck a boob in their mouths for any and all issues. Nursing is the best part of having littles, for me. So you should have had all of our babies and raised them until they were five and then handed them over to me. :D I swear five is the magic age. I don't know why. It just is. For years I longed for them all to be over five. If I could only make it until the last one was over five! And I did. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 My caboose is the best thing that ever happened and we adore her. That said, I know other people who do feel like they were too old to parent effectively and were sorry about a well planned last baby because they had health and money problems they were not expecting and were hard to deal with. I used to work in a bar-tending job where I heard a lot of older women say that they had given birth to children that they would have aborted if abortion had been legal then, and not one of them was sorry about their children, interestingly enough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I knew a mom that had an oops baby at 50. It was so hard for them all including the child because they really had moved on to another stage in life and never totally re-entered the baby/ child one. I know of someone this happened to, and even though they were happily married they gave the child up for adoption because they wanted the child to feel wanted. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momacacia Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 And then there's the story I heard (reliable source) of the lady who at 55 thought she was done and in menopause, but turned up pregnant with twins. THAT'S tired!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 I think the more important questions would be what health issues are you facing and if you had another child at 40 is there a strong likelihood of those health issues coming back and preventing you from being there for your later in life child? Would the child have a strong possibility of having to take care of you instead of the other way around? Would you have the energy to be able to keep up with a young child? What if your child is not neurotypical? What if they have special needs or they have some learning challenges? Would you have the mental and physical capacity to be there for them? Lots of people have kids later in life. My grandfather had my uncle at 40 and my mom at 44. My grandmother was just a few years younger. Worked out fine. But they were both in excellent health and stable financially. By the time they started having serious health concerns Mom and my uncle were both married, mature adults well established in their careers and were able to step in and help. I would love another child. So would my kids. But at this point the risks would be huge for both the baby and me. And I don't have the mental or physical stamina to take care of a young child 24/7 anymore. I have asked myself the above questions several times over the years. The answer, sadly, has been "no". All that being said, 40 isn't so old. It might be a great choice for your family. I'm sure glad my maternal grandparents had kids late in life! :) Just be certain to ask and answer questions honestly when thinking it through and absolutely be certain you and your DH are both on board. Very good questions. My only real health issue is my weight. ( I was being vague, but I guess the specifics matter). I'm morbidly obese now, BMI 40. I had very large babies (9lbs and 10lbs 2oz) while obese, and don't want to risk an even bigger baby. I'm also tired more due to my size. I do not have diabetes, high blood pressure, or high cholesterol, (just had labs last week). Just fat. I'm looking at dealing with that, and then seeing what happens. If I have the energy increase some people have when they get to a normal weight, and labs are all still good, then that would be when I would revisit the issue of another child. My mom and dad are both active in their 60's, and babysit and such often, so I hope to also have that quality of life at that age. Can't promise, of course. But good questions to ask. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 You and I are opposites. I find the baby/toddler/preschool stage exhausting and confusing. I swear I never got one bit better at figuring out what a baby needs when it cries. I just got old and tired and stuck a boob in their mouths for any and all issues. Nursing is the best part of having littles, for me. So you should have had all of our babies and raised them until they were five and then handed them over to me. :D I swear five is the magic age. I don't know why. It just is. For years I longed for them all to be over five. If I could only make it until the last one was over five! And I did. :) That is me as well. More kids? Sure, bring them on. It's the idea of more teething, more sleepless nights, while caring for the olders that makes me hesitate. Really, I think it's just the teething. I hate teething with a passion usually reserved for medieval torture. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MolleenCarie Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 It is exhausting and challenging having toddlers and older kids! It is also fun and forces us to choose our priorities wisely. I do not have any regrets. If we adopt again, I think we will go for an older child, though, bc not being able to nurse my youngest two has been hard. I am hoping for one more belly baby. I have a plan in my head, but we'll see how it all works out. I'm losing a lot of weight, too. It's hard. I began working out with a trainer in mid January but though I felt better, slept better, and simple tasks were easier, I didn't lose weight bc my eating habits were the same. Last week I satarted the Eat to Live six week plan and lost 12 pounds in one week. My workouts are getting better at a faster rate with the improved nutrition. The biggest factor to my success has been prayer and accountability. I have severs friends praying for me and it has made all the difference. I wish you the best!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRAAB Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 When I was 39 wanted another baby. Really, really wanted another baby. Dh wasn't entirely on board but eventually came around. So when I was 40 our twins were born. That is one decision I have never regretted. I would say is the best decision I ever made. I didn't have any health issues and our finances were in good condition. I don't know what your health issues are, but I would seriously consider the impact on my health. Otherwise, I am so thankful we had one more pregnancy. Absolutely no regrets. Oh, my older children love having the twins in their lives, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I've know older parents who regretted not having the energy (or good health) and to some extent enthusiasm they felt with their older children. None of them would have used the word regretted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 .. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Today is not a good day to ask. ;) I'd never use the word regret, but I do wonder what our life would be with different choices. (I could say this about many things--what if we had waited to have the older kids? Not had so long of a gap? Etc...) My older kids are, well, older (11 and 9), and traveling with them would be so much fun. Trying to juggle big kid activities and needs with a challenging toddler and newborn is about to break me. I don't have anyone other than DH. Maybe in 5 years I'll be singing a different tune, but right now I feel like I'm missing out on a really cool time with my older kids. The toddler isn't special needs (I'd place money on serious adhd given her temperament and genetics!), but she sucks every ounce of energy from a space. The older kids adore the little ones, and it has been amazing to watch them together. You might get a happy-go-lucky, easy-going baby that seamlessly integrates into your family. Or you might get someone who (however much she's loved and cherished and all that jazz) totally upends your world. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 The only situations (a couple of them) that I know of are people who adopted high risk kids. These were children from very abusive circumstances who had serious behavioral problems. I think the parents might have been too optimistic about the possible outcomes of children in these circumstances. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 We are in the process of deciding if we want one more or not. We went from zero to 3 in just 15 months................got ds at age 7 1/2, 9 months later got dd at 8 months old and 6 months later got other dd at 2 days old (girls are full bio sisters) so we had a huge adjustment. Then over the course of 10 years we fostered about 100 other kids. Then we took a break for about 5 years and had just our 3. About 3 years ago we started back in the foster care world again............16 year old girl from juvenile detention for 5 months. Then 11 year old boy whose mother had passed away the day we got him. Then we did 2 sets of refugee kids who didn't speak English. Right now we have an 11 year old foster boy. IF parental rights are all terminated and IF he is available for adoption we would serious consider it. That though is about as young as we want to go. With kids 18,19 and 27 right now even going down to 11 (4th grader) is a big jump. We have been asked to take younger foster kids but we just know we are getting too old for those babies and toddlers............esp while trying to do the teenage/young adult thing with our older 3. To add to it, at least 2 of our 3 will likely live with us very long term due to their special needs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlsdMama Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 No, no regrets. Will was born last year and I'm 38. But, IMO, much of it may come from my view on it. I believe that unless there is a very serious and somber consideration, babies are the natural outcome of an emotionally and physically "checked in" marriage. I admit the idea of babies into my forties gives me pause. DH is already in his forties. I think I was a good mom to my oldest ones. I don't think I'm less of a mother now but I'm definitely a different mother. I'm not sure that's bad to be honest. I'm more confident. I am more patient. I am less energetic but I think that's a win. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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