Lang Syne Boardie Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 I have read three threads on these boards today that have to do with confidence crises lovingly inspired by fellow homeschool moms. It's almost February, therefore we are indeed on the cusp of Self-Doubt and Depression Season, but I thought maybe we should discuss this anyway. Dear Hive, please contribute your own pithy advice, genuine encouragement, and snide remarks, and help new homeschooling friends to walk a little taller today. My thoughts: 1. Always verify whether Homeschool Supermom has any children older than age 12 before taking any advice at all. 2. If you are the mother of four teen boys, do not get all your homeschool advice from a woman who has all girls, all below the age of 12. If you are the mother of five little girls all under the age of seven, don't ask a mom of four teen boys for advice because has probably (temporarily) lost all sense of perspective. 3. If the emails from your support group director are ungrammatical and misspelled she should not be the final authority on your language arts curriculum, no matter what she says. 4. If anybody tries to define "classical" or "Charlotte Mason" for you by listing curriculum sellers, run away. 5. Teach the child in front of you. You kept him out of public school so as to not force him into a one-size-fits-all mold, so don't pound your own square peg into a round hole that was hollowed out by homeschoolers, either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementine Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 There was a mom in my town who homeschooled her 3 kids until high school, then she put them in public school. While homeschooing she would talk about what a blessing it was, how it was the BEST thing for the children, how it brings them closer, blah blah blah. Then, the minute she enrolls them in public school she had to share how great the socialization is for them, how wrong she was about homeschooling being the best, and how happy I would be if I put my kids in public high school too. I know she was just trying to talk HERSELF into public school being great, but she spread it on pretty thick to me. I didn't waver. My take-away: What is best for others may not be what is best for you. Take your own road without fear of the future - take it one year at a time if you need to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Critterfixer Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 The only thing anyone has ever tried to talk me out of was teaching Latin. But I'm hardheaded. I guess that would be my advice. Be a little hardheaded when it comes to what you want for your children. Take some convincing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 Here's how I learned not to trust other people's recommendations: by recommending flops to my friends. There were a few times where I raved about a curriculum we used. Friends bought it on my word and then after using it bit either they hated it or I hated it. I felt particularly bad when I was the one that ended up hating it and realized that if I had waited a few months before raving I would never, ever have recommended it had I known what a flop it could be. So now when I rave I add a HUGE disclaimer that while this works for me, now, it might not work for you. I'm more careful of other people's raves after raving about flops. Especially if they've been using it for under 6 months and double-especially if they haven't used it at all, but simply say, "I bought it last week and it looks like it'll be a great fit for us!" Wha...? No. Tell me about it after you've actually used it. Same thing for things that don't work for others. Just because it didn't work for you doesn't mean it won't work for me. Some of the reasons you might dismiss a curriculum is exactly the thing I was looking for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ethel Mertz Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 Our local group once included a Mom who swore that unschooling was the be-all and end-all of education and everyone should aspire to unschooling. Three years later, she put both her girls into public school at 4th and 6th grades. She now swears that public school education is the be-all and end-all of education and she doesn't know why she didn't send them earlier. And, by the way, I should strongly consider putting my child in public school as well. I wasn't convinced at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 I'm so pigheaded, people don't usually talk me out of much. I do get caught in the competition aspect really too often though. Like, I'll see that so-and-so's kids can do x,y, and z and think, why can't my kids do x, y, and z!!! It's sooo hard for me not to fall down that trap. I have, sadly, probably been the mom on the other end though. In fact, I know I have. I swear I never tell people what to do. Or, I only give advice if someone actually asks, like on the boards if someone says help, I'm going to give an opinion, IRL too. But I'll say, this is what we're doing or here's what I think. And I have had people copy it or borrow and fail and I feel terrible. But I think the takeaway lesson is really what Tibbie said in #5. The right method/curricula/approach is the one that works for you personally as a teacher and your child(ren) personally as students. It's not what works for someone else necessarily. And there's a fine line between learning from someone's wisdom or getting ideas and trying to be a teacher you aren't or forcing your kid to be a student she isn't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 Here's how I learned not to trust other people's recommendations: by recommending flops to my friends. There were a few times where I raved about a curriculum we used. Friends bought it on my word and then after using it bit either they hated it or I hated it. I felt particularly bad when I was the one that ended up hating it and realized that if I had waited a few months before raving I would never, ever have recommended it had I known what a flop it could be. . Otoh, you can take comfort in the fact that you helped at least one mom with your recommendations -- you told me about this board, which has been immensely useful to me, and I know your recommendation helped tip me over into purchasing at least one item I was already considering, and I've been very pleased with it. :) I love when people share what they like, because it gives me a feel for how it can look. I can look at what I know about that person's kids, educational goals, etc. and have a better idea of whether it'll work for me and the children I actually have. My schooling looked different when I just had a couple of young children than it does now that I am looking at high schoolers while still caring for several small children, and it'll look different when I'm down to three boys, all two grades apart. (I'm thinking I just might need Costco sized boxes of baking soda for all the volcanoes or something, but I'm sure it's going to be a total blast when I'm schooling 6, 8, and 10yo boys!) I admire people who are able to be fully invested in homeschooling, or a way of homeschooling, and then who are able to change and adapt when they or their kids need something else. I like to think I'd see the good in public school if I ever needed it, but I don't know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 As we've probably all seen, not everyone in education is well versed about homeschooling. I have a family member who teaches college classes online that wanted to know how my son would get into college. Um, ACT and transcript. There is another message on the high school board where a guidance counselor swore homeschooled kids don't get accepted into college. Um, yes they do. So don't be intimidated by those from B&M school people. Homeschooling is an industry to itself and often times it can seem small when you really don't know how it works. It's not small, it's legal in all 50 states. Homeschoolers do go to college or they don't. Every year there is a college acceptance thread on the college board. It's exciting to see the diversity of schools where WTMers get accepted. Best thing I ever did was sit down with ds each year and discuss schooling. He hasn't always picked subjects, but he's had a lot of say. It is his education. By high school, the plans were a mix of my requirements and his interests. So if you are feeling a bit frantic about what to do, where to go, make sure you start with a conversation with your child. Don't forget to factor their needs/wants/goals/aspirations into your educational plans as well. By about age 10, my son had a pretty clear opinion - he's held opinions on everything since he could talk, but it took until then for it to matter in education. Another thing I did was have a conference with myself. Before each year I used to dig out talks, tapes, books, and spend a weekend just absorbing and recharging. I did it at home because I could afford a real conference and even a hotel for the weekend was out of the budget. I made a schedule and treated it as I would a professional retreat. Be confident in your abilities, be realistic about your deficits. Start reading high school lit and math and history when your kids are little if you feel you lack the education. Study science. Make your own self-education a part of your homeschooling. It does make a difference. Every once in a while allow yourself to view your schooling through the eyes of your child. We used to do nature study and would take photos in our yard (it was 3 acres of bountiful nature). I gave the camera to ds once and he took pictures of completely different things than I noticed. Taking that mindset back to the classroom helped me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 Stay away from curriculum sections in moments of weakness and self doubt. LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roadrunner Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 I don't know why, but it seems I make people nervous. I no longer tell the truth to some people about what my kids are really studying. Nobody gives me advice. Hmmm. Maybe something is really wrong with me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zarabellesmom Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 I don't know why, but it seems like I make people nervous. I no longer tell the truth to some people about what my kids are really studying. Nobody gives me advice. Hmmm. Maybe something is really wrong with me. I KNOW there's something wrong with me. That's just added value. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hepatica Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 I so need this thread right now!! Just read a ridiculous blog post about how homeschooling prevents parent burnout - from the parent of toddlers?????? Talk to me in 10-15 years about burnout. And, I am so sick of everyone telling me that my homeschooled 9th grader must find a way to fill all the credit requirements of the local public high school. It's like alternatives to "school" are fine until you reach high school, but then you have to get serious and do it right. Well, frankly, I think we have been doing it right all along. And, if our high school does not mimic a conventional HS education then that's ok. Hey, that's what we were going for in the first place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RegularMom Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 I only curriculum-hopped once, and it turned out to be a mistake. I learned then to trust what my long term plan was and has been. I wouldn't say I'm hard headed, but I knew exactly what I wanted from homeschooling, and I learned early on to keep that kind of stuff to myself. So, over the years, I've quietly just done my thing. Not perfectly, not always 100% confidently, but I've just stayed the course. And it's worked for me. I very very rarely will discuss curriculum with people. My advice to those just starting out: Have a plan and stick to it. Try not to worry about new glitzy programs and methods that come and go. Just keep on keeping on. Most importantly, don't compare the inside view of your home school to the outside view of someone else's. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted January 20, 2015 Author Share Posted January 20, 2015 I take #2 personally. (LOL) LOL! I knew somebody would catch that. :D Perhaps I'm the only one with a houseful of teen boys who has lost her sense of perspective! That is entirely possible. They are driving me to distraction. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgehogs4 Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 I have settled into a lovely groove that suits us just fine. I hardly even make recommendations anymore except to say that "It's all so personal--we like this, but it may be all wrong for you, so take it with a grain of salt." If it's working for you, go with it. I had a revelation recently. I would always worry about being relevant and needing validation from the outside. Recently, my mom died of alzheimer's and as she journeyed through it, she became less and less relevant to people outside of her immediate family. To us, though, she was still the most precious gift that God could have given us. I became very, very private. I wanted to protect her dignity and my feelings about her losses. I pulled in tight to my family. As I come out on the other side of this, I realize that we strive so often for what is unimportant and compare ourselves needlessly to state standards, others' expectations, others' kids, how clean HER house is and how TOGETHER she seems...when all that really matters is how well we are loving and serving those we've been charged with. It suddenly just didn't matter any more. It's all perspective. Oh, and if you have a boy or 7 boys...don't ask a mom of all girls anything. I absolutely concur with that. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgehogs4 Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 I so need this thread right now!! Just read a ridiculous blog post about how homeschooling prevents parent burnout - from the parent of toddlers?????? Talk to me in 10-15 years about burnout. And, I am so sick of everyone telling me that my homeschooled 9th grader must find a way to fill all the credit requirements of the local public high school. It's like alternatives to "school" are fine until you reach high school, but then you have to get serious and do it right. Well, frankly, I think we have been doing it right all along. And, if our high school does not mimic a conventional HS education then that's ok. Hey, that's what we were going for in the first place. link to the blog post??? I'd like to read that just for a laugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 Posts about burnout from parents of toddlers -- hahahahahaha! By the same token, I might share what we are considering for high school, but I'm certainly not going to tell people how to homeschool high schoolers yet. Now, a post from the dear Elizabeth Foss about burnout (or teenage boys, or homeschooling teens/Tweens while still paying attention to littles, or, well, pretty much anything) -- that I will soak up and reread. It might not hit me exactly right, but it's much more likely to have something useful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMCassandra Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 I have a dear friend IRL who is pregnant with her seventh and is fabulous at running her home, getting her children to pitch in, etc. She has been reading Large Family Logistics and feeling guilty if she doesn't want to try the suggestions. I reassured her that she is doing a great job and if the book isn't speaking to her, to pitch it! We are all soooo susceptible to this kind of stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2jjka Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 More like what they tried to talk me out of..... I have been handed much guilt by other HS-ing moms this year about putting one of my kids in school. It blindsided me having to send him away, but it turned out to be a very good thing for him. One thing I have learned along the way is that life happens, and you may need to drastically alter your plans, but if you keep on keeping- on...it will be okay. When we started this journey my kids were all little and all seemed happy and healthy, and I had such great plans for how our homeschooling days would look (read-alouds, hands-on experiments, lots of notebooking, etc.) I never counted on things like autism, ADHD, dyslexia, dysgraphia rearing their heads, and countless hours spent at doctors and therapists offices. We use mostly workbooks now. It's not what I had dreamed our homeschool days would look like - but it's working for us - (for the most part.) I am still very grateful that I am able be with the ones that need me, and to recognize what my son needs and do what is best for him as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowbeltmom Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 I have read three threads on these boards today that have to do with confidence crises lovingly inspired by fellow homeschool moms. It's almost February, therefore we are indeed on the cusp of Self-Doubt and Depression Season, but I thought maybe we should discuss this anyway. nm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ausmumof3 Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 I so need this thread right now!! Just read a ridiculous blog post about how homeschooling prevents parent burnout - from the parent of toddlers?????? Talk to me in 10-15 years about burnout. And, I am so sick of everyone telling me that my homeschooled 9th grader must find a way to fill all the credit requirements of the local public high school. It's like alternatives to "school" are fine until you reach high school, but then you have to get serious and do it right. Well, frankly, I think we have been doing it right all along. And, if our high school does not mimic a conventional HS education then that's ok. Hey, that's what we were going for in the first place. Lol... I read that blog post too and I'm like ... Hmmm really?! Then how come I am about ten times as frazzled as the school mums I know. Though maybe in schooling is less frazzling... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 I don't know why, but it seems like I make people nervous. I no longer tell the truth to some people about what my kids are really studying. Nobody gives me advice. Hmmm. Maybe something is really wrong with me. I usually don't tell people anything either (outside of this board). I don't think I make them nervous, but I dunno I often feel like I don't want to give advice if I'm unsure of their situation. Nothing is wrong with you! (as far as I can tell..haha) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 There is just something about February. So if one can somehow just, I dunno, hibernate for the entire month of February that might be best. Although right now I'm feeling more positive and upbeat than usual. We've had arctic cold conditions for awhile now, BUT it's been much sunnier than usual. I think that is really helping me a great deal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angie in VA Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 Posts about burnout from parents of toddlers -- hahahahahaha! By the same token, I might share what we are considering for high school, but I'm certainly not going to tell people how to homeschool high schoolers yet. Now, a post from the dear Elizabeth Foss about burnout (or teenage boys, or homeschooling teens/Tweens while still paying attention to littles, or, well, pretty much anything) -- that I will soak up and reread. It might not hit me exactly right, but it's much more likely to have something useful. Thank you for mentioning Elizabeth Foss. Feeling a bit blue, I looked her up and found this. Just what I needed today. And your hahahahahahas about the parents of toddlers made me :lol: . I needed both that EF blog post and the laugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angie in VA Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 There is just something about February. So if one can somehow just, I dunno, hibernate for the entire month of February that might be best. At least it's the shortest month of the year, right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 At least it's the shortest month of the year, right? Yet it feels soooo long. LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 Thank you for mentioning Elizabeth Foss. Feeling a bit blue, I looked her up and found this. Just what I needed today. And your hahahahahahas about the parents of toddlers made me :lol: . I needed both that EF blog post and the laugh. Glad I could help! I discovered EF's blog (after liking her book for a while) when she was pregnant with her ninth baby, and I was pregnant with my third, and she's been very inspiring to me ever since, like the big sister further down the parenting/homeschooling road that I never had. She's got enough street cred, lol, but also a good dose of humility and realness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 My kids are so asynchronous no one would talked me out of anything. Usually they ask me which library has the book they want. I have the reputation of "library resident". Yet it feels soooo long. LOLMy chocolate loving kids are waiting for Valentine's day to be over for 75% of Valentines day's chocolates. They just finished the post Christmas sale ones :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 I figure one of the few benefits of having had to fight the PS system to teach for a decade was that, by the time we started homeschooling, I was too relieved and happy to be able to do it MY way to listen too hard to what other people said. If anything, I probably listened too little to the voices of experience that first year or two-and by about year 3, I'd figured out who's advice was worth taking and who's recommendation means that it's not a good fit for my child. I hope the other HS moms have figured the same thing out about me-because some of the books that really work well for DD would have brought me to tears at her age. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 I hear people use phrases like, "Someone talked me out if _________." and I have to wonder about the accuracy of such a statement. When someone walks up to me asks me about something, I talk about why I did or didn't use it, why I did or didn't like it, and how, if applicable, I modified it to suit my purposes. So? What other response would a rational, sane person give when asked about materials and lifestyle choices? (This is not a rhetorical question. If you have different expectation, please explain.) The decision of how to handle that information is on the shoulders of the person asking-not the person answering. The way that quote is phrased, it implies to me little or no responsibility for decision making by the person doing the asking.When I'm talking to an adult I assume I don't have to give them disclaimers like, "Now honey, I'm going to tell you what I do because you asked, but I feel the need to tell you, a grown woman with a functioning brain, that what I say about myself and my homeschool based on personal experience cannot be mindlessly obeyed without question as though I'm some sort all knowing deity." Or some less sarcastic version of the same content. I said it so bluntly here to make it extremely clear. I assume anyone looking into homeschooling is aware of a huge, wide ranging number of options and is capable of deducting from that: 1. No one person could possibly have intimate knowledge of every single thing out there. 2. No one else could possibly have enough personal knowledge about the person doing the asking and the children in that asking person's homeschool to say with certainty what will work for them. 3. Based on 1 and 2 I think it's reasonable to expect the person asking to take things into consideration, knowing the answer is one of many possibilities that may or may not work for them in their own homeschool. No one should have to tell that person it's up to them-they should know it already. If people are telling you why they choose not to do something or use something else and you accept their recommendation for yourself without questioning it or you do question it and decide in the end you agree with them, don't give them responsibility for your decision by saying "They talked me out of it." No, they told you what they thought and why. You freely chose to go along with it because you are and adult capable of making your own decisions. Taking responsibility sounds like this, "I decided not to based on the questions I asked others." Different words can have different meanings and different shades of meaning. It's a freaking free country. Do you really want thought and word police going around telling different people with different definitions of the same word who is and who is not allowed to use certain words certain ways? I don't, so when people define terms differently I don't get upset because they use them differently than I do. I pay attention to they context they use and ask them clarify when necessary. I simply make a mental note and either get more information from them or I choose to disengage and seek out information elsewhere. When I use terms that have different meanings among different people, I clarify what I mean by them to avoid confusion. I don't resent having to do that. Don't freak out when people answer your or other people's questions. I once discussed at a PE class for my youngest (a couple dozen moms hanging around the picnic benches while the kids were being coached) with a parent who asked what I did for high school with my older kids. Another gasped out loud and said, "All that for a freshman! That's so much!" Really? I wouldn't have gasped out loud and said, "That's all you're doing with your kid?! That's so little!" if she had told us what she was doing. If you voice complaints when people answer another person's questions honestly, you're creating an environment less secure people will participate in. Others might call you on it-be prepared. I've seen something like it in a handful of times in other situations. Notice when people speak for themselves and when they make blanket statements that can't possibly be true. "No one can keep up with the household and homeschool. You have to pick one." No. That's obviously not true. Some have worked out a way to keep both up and running most of the time. You may want to work at doing that and you may want to pick the brains of people who do that for ideas that might work for you, but if you just don't want to do both say so. "I'm not going to do both. I'm going to pick one." It's your house and your homeschool. If it's a discussion about how people do, it's probably not the best discussion to get involved in if you don't. I don't get into discussions about Latin. I don't do Latin. If someone asks, "Tell me about the Latin curriculum you chose and why you chose it." I don't say, "I don't do Latin because__________________________." I just stop at "I don't do Latin." If they asked, "Do you do Latin? Why?" Then I would add in the, "because_______________________." Don't believe people who suggest by accident or state outright that homeschooling isn't hard work. If you're at a homeschool workshop and the speaker is talking about the joys of self directed learning, don't decide that's how it will be all the time. Yes, there are times kids get into something and really master it voluntarily with enthusiasm. If you buy into that deadly all or nothing thinking, you may be tempted to believe that it's possible for each of your children to always or almost always be voluntary and and enthusiastically mastering all school subjects and if not, you're somehow failing. Of course not. I think the #1 rule of homeschooling should be: "ABANDON ALL OR NOTHING THINKING ALL YE WHO ENTER HERE." I think it's an alarming part of American culture, the tendency toward all or nothing thinking over so many minor issues. Somehow we have homeschoolers raising to level of absolutes and rules things that are not major, religious convictions. I've said it before and I'll say it again, "I don't think your math curriculum should be part of your doctrinal statement." It's a grammar curriculum for heaven's sake, not whether or not you think Jesus is God in human flesh. If the curriculum you thought, even based on significant research and alignment with your educational philosophy, just isn't working for your child get something else. And don't decide that it's failure is somehow a reflection on you as a homeschooling parent. There's no way to accurately predict the future-stop being upset with yourself for failing to do so. Do your research so you're much more likely to find a good fit from the beginning, but know that there's no way you'll be able to pick a winner 100% of the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted January 20, 2015 Author Share Posted January 20, 2015 I hear people use phrases like, "Someone talked me out if _________." and I have to wonder about the accuracy of such a statement. When someone walks up to me asks me about something, I talk about why I did or didn't use it, why I did or didn't like it, and how, if applicable, I modified it to suit my purposes. So? What other response would a rational, sane person give when asked about materials and lifestyle choices? (This is not a rhetorical question. If you have different expectation, please explain.) The decision of how to handle that information is on the shoulders of the person asking-not the person answering. The way that quote is phrased, it implies to me little or no responsibility for decision making by the person doing the asking. When I'm talking to an adult I assume I don't have to give them disclaimers like, "Now honey, I'm going to tell you what I do because you asked, but I feel the need to tell you, a grown woman with a functioning brain, that what I say about myself and my homeschool based on personal experience cannot be mindlessly obeyed without question as though I'm some sort all knowing deity." Or some less sarcastic version of the same content. I said it so bluntly here to make it extremely clear. I'm sorry, I didn't read the whole post but I just meant that to be a catchall phrase, representing people who criticize a hs'ing mom's curriculum choices or tell her she's ruining her kids or bombard her with invitations to Classical Conversations practicums....basically whatever people say that ends up with a mom feeling personally judged and criticized. I didn't mean I'd heard a lot of people literally say they'd been talked out of this or that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Strawberry Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 I may not have advice for a given situation, but i can always give encouragement and reassurance. That's often more important. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BooksandBoys Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 I am in the frustrating position of still being a new homeschooler (DS1 is in 1st grade, though he has never been to a BM school) while also having been homeschooled for seven years when I was young. To that end, I have tons of excitement and confidence, as well as a decent amount of exposure to methods (and curriculums) for someone with such young kids. I also know firsthand how needs change and that PS can become a great fit at different times and for different children. I try to keep my mouth shut (except to encourage people to breathe and relax), but it's hard. :-) I also have all boys, boys who make my head spin at every moment. I've had enough laughable advice from certain friends with all girls to teach me to pay attention to the giver of advice and to, again, encourage me to be quiet! I, too, am oddly happy and upbeat this January. I hope it sticks!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chrysalis Academy Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 As we've probably all seen, not everyone in education is well versed about homeschooling. I have a family member who teaches college classes online that wanted to know how my son would get into college. Um, ACT and transcript. There is another message on the high school board where a guidance counselor swore homeschooled kids don't get accepted into college. Um, yes they do. So don't be intimidated by those from B&M school people. Homeschooling is an industry to itself and often times it can seem small when you really don't know how it works. It's not small, it's legal in all 50 states. Homeschoolers do go to college or they don't. Every year there is a college acceptance thread on the college board. It's exciting to see the diversity of schools where WTMers get accepted. Best thing I ever did was sit down with ds each year and discuss schooling. He hasn't always picked subjects, but he's had a lot of say. It is his education. By high school, the plans were a mix of my requirements and his interests. So if you are feeling a bit frantic about what to do, where to go, make sure you start with a conversation with your child. Don't forget to factor their needs/wants/goals/aspirations into your educational plans as well. By about age 10, my son had a pretty clear opinion - he's held opinions on everything since he could talk, but it took until then for it to matter in education. Another thing I did was have a conference with myself. Before each year I used to dig out talks, tapes, books, and spend a weekend just absorbing and recharging. I did it at home because I could afford a real conference and even a hotel for the weekend was out of the budget. I made a schedule and treated it as I would a professional retreat. Be confident in your abilities, be realistic about your deficits. Start reading high school lit and math and history when your kids are little if you feel you lack the education. Study science. Make your own self-education a part of your homeschooling. It does make a difference. Every once in a while allow yourself to view your schooling through the eyes of your child. We used to do nature study and would take photos in our yard (it was 3 acres of bountiful nature). I gave the camera to ds once and he took pictures of completely different things than I noticed. Taking that mindset back to the classroom helped me. I love this whole post, but the bolded in particular resonates. Making your own education a priority helps build confidence, as well as competence. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chrysalis Academy Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 I don't know why, but it seems like I make people nervous. I no longer tell the truth to some people about what my kids are really studying. Nobody gives me advice. Hmmm. Maybe something is really wrong with me. :lol: Yeah, I don't talk about homeschooling much IRL either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 If you can't cure a kid in a paddock, you won't cure them in an office so small there isn't even room to bounce off the walls. YMMV (after all, my oldest is only 7 ;) ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aurelia Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Another one: Find others who have children (preferably older than yours) and philosophies similar to yours and stalk them relentlessly in the hope that you will have some idea what to do when your child gets to that level. I do that with a couple of people here because their suggestions or choices for their kids usually work great for my DD. :leaving: Also, figure out what words people use frequently to describe different curricula or methods (adorable, challenging, living books, etc) and avoid the ones that won't work for you. I know (now) to avoid anything described as "sweet." All the curricula I have tried that others describe as "sweet" are so patronizing to me I want to throw the book across the room and gouge my eyes out with a melon baller. Luckily, there's not a lot at the middle school level like that. Some of the preschool and early elementary stuff was downright painful, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted January 21, 2015 Author Share Posted January 21, 2015 Also, figure out what words people use frequently to describe different curricula or methods (adorable, challenging, living books, etc) and avoid the ones that won't work for you. I know (now) to avoid anything described as "sweet." All the curricula I have tried that others describe as "sweet" are so patronizing to me I want to throw the book across the room and gouge my eyes out with a melon baller. Luckily, there's not a lot at the middle school level like that. Some of the preschool and early elementary stuff was downright painful, though. This made me LOL. I would very much love to see a list of all the "sweet" curriculum! Just for mockery purposes. Actually, that's probably really wrong so don't tell me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Another one: Find others who have children (preferably older than yours) and philosophies similar to yours and stalk them relentlessly in the hope that you will have some idea what to do when your child gets to that level. I do that with a couple of people here because their suggestions or choices for their kids usually work great for my DD. That's why I started reading the high school board when I was pregnant with #1. It gives me confidence that I'll be able to handle it. That probably only works because it's another 7 years before I'll *have* to handle it. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momacacia Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 I tend to be the person people ask about curriculum I'm using. An "educational mentor" whom my friend respects is trying to persuade her to do TOG, so she's asking me about it. She's happy with what she's doing and I'm just being honest. It's not open and go for me, I do think it's excellent, I'd love to just do SOTW probably and I'm just really getting ready for middle and high school, oh, and my DH is heavily involved in helping with school. Take all that with a grain of salt and let me know what you think. We can do projects together if you start where we are--otherwise stay with what's working! ;) I'm happy to tell people what we've liked and not but our good stuff might be a disaster for you. Same goes other way around. Like Farrar, I struggle more with seeing other kids in a "more challenging curric" and thinking, "Ooh, ooh, we need to do that!" But my desire for happy kids who don't despise school often tempers me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sahamamama Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 I would say that for me the biggest contributor to that lack of confidence or sense of self-doubt is myself, not other people, whether they homeschool or not, whether they support homeschooling or not. No, I am the biggest reason why I sometimes say in despair, "Who am I kidding? What am I thinking? What makes me think that I am able to _________ to/with/for these children?" (fill in the blank with just about anything) Last week it was "teach Science." The week before that it was "explain math." Next week it will probably relate to French or Latin or Music or History or Art. I have good weeks and bad weeks, struggling with my sense of educational inadequacy. I don't think that other people contribute to this in any way, not even through their blogs. It's just me with me, sad to say. The most helpful antidote for this sense of inadequacy has been to (1) remain hopeful, and (2) remain diligent. I remain hopeful by reminding myself of the power of consistent plodding (hey, I'm good at that!), reminding myself that my children don't have to learn everything from me at home, and focusing on the strengths we do have and the things I know we can do well within our means. I remain diligent by getting to bed on time (hugely helpful), getting started on time with school work (hugely productive), and studying ahead of my oldest child, to the extent that this is possible for me. My best effort will have to be "good enough," combined with the best efforts of my children, my husband, and our support system (such as it is). After I calm myself down, I begin to think we will be okay, if we put forth the effort that (I believe) is really necessary to do well with homeschooling. I actually find the rare opportunities I have to "talk shop" with other homeschooling moms refreshing and interesting, not defeating. It doesn't much matter if the other mom unschools, schools-out-of-a-box, outsources nearly everything, or teaches her own way from curriculum at home -- I just enjoy hearing what other moms do (or don't do), hearing how they balance their lives (or don't balance them), and how it all seems to work out (or not work out). It doesn't really make me question what I'm doing here at home with my children. Quite the contrary! Hearing what some moms do or go through makes me realize that the course we're on here is the right one for us. I like hearing about opportunities that are "out there," but at this point, we're able to do so much good, solid work at home. I still like hearing from other moms, though! But most HSing moms here don't seem to talk shop much. Not enough, really, but I guess they like keeping things private. ?? The one exception to this general rule was when we first moved to this area (1.5 years ago), and we became connected with an unschooling family at our (then) church). That mom was a bit... um, zealous to make me a convert to unschooling (I think)? What I mean is that it felt to me as though she continually pressured me to explicitly accept their way of doing things (or not doing things) and wanted me to approve of her choice to not require her children to do anything they didn't choose (I didn't), and to acknowledge this by joining her way (we didn't). That was truly awkward, and in some ways was part of our decision to move on from that fellowship. We still see each other, but it's better with some distance. OTOH, that experience did help our family to clarify our purpose and goals, so it was okay. I can't think of a single thing that any HSing mom has talked me out of! Hmm.... Nope. Nothing. I'll come back and post it, if I can think of anything. I suppose this means I am hard-headed? :lol: :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chrysalis Academy Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Yeah, you guys talk me into and out of stuff all the time. People in IRL? Not so much. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FO4UR Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Oh...well....I just came on here to say that my oldest is in the 6th grade and is running his own business. My 4th grader is reading at a 12th grade level, and my 3rd grader is learning to design aircraft. Oh, and the 2yo is a stinkin' genius....I'm pretty sure she just read Brown Bear phonetically. Compare THAT! j/k...6th grader swindles his siblings out of their allowance, 4th grader cried over subtractions today, and 3rd grader's aircraft is made out of lego. I like my initial spin better though. That said, my 2yo is a stinkin' genius. Brown Bear is probably merely memorized, but she can find every sharpie in the house and create beautiful art (all over furniture, books, and her sister's toys...but...) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
athomeontheprairie Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Just read a ridiculous blog post about how homeschooling prevents parent burnout - from the parent of toddlers?????? Talk to me in 10-15 years about burnout. . Just read a blog that was extolling the value of large families. The author just had a baby and thought her family was getting large. She was encouraging people to have more babies. Kept reading. Yup, she had two. Not my definition of large... Not by a long shot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RootAnn Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 - If someone's toddler is already reading & keeps giving you advice on how to get your 8 or 10 year old reading like her kid, ignore 'em. - Don't take advice from a mom whose kids are "self starters" if yours are push-when-led-from-behind'ers. - If you have a natural speller, please don't tell me I don't need to teach spelling. (And if you have kids like mine, don't insist that moms of natural spellers have to teach their kids spelling every day & every year.) - The math/history/grammar/spelling/science program we use might not work for you. Please don't try to push yours onto me if I didn't ask about it. - There is nothing wrong with outsourcing while homeschooling if that's what's going to get the work done & allow your kid to succeed. - There's nothing wrong with keeping homeschooling at HOME if that's what's going to get the work done & allow your kid to succeed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatholicSteph Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 I was talked out of reading comprehension as unnecessary, spelling as unnecessary before 4th, and almost out of grammar before 4th by someone with very early readers and natural spellers. Now I am paying for it by adding in AAS and WWE in 3rd. I've learned I am far too impressionable and I'm really trying to find my way for my family. I've also been talked INTO several programs that were terrible fits for my family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SeaConquest Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 This is our first year homeschooling, but, the more experience I have, the more I see what I don't know. It's kinda like Pilates. The first time you do it, you think it's easy. The better you get at it, the harder it becomes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EndOfOrdinary Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Don't listen when someon tries to tell you that your unschooling doesn't count compared to their unschooling. I promise that your kid is different from theirs and as a result the versions of education they choose for themselves will be different. I promise that the way you help facilitate your child's personality as their parent will be different than the way they facilitate their child. That does not make one superior to the other. It actually just makes the education personal. Isn't that sort of the point? Do not listen to the control freak mom who has her children on a military style schedule when she tries to shame your unschooled kid or you. Wait a couple years until middle school is coming and then see how self directed your toddler becomes. Five year olds do not have the fine motor skills to pull off what ten year olds do. Her kids are just older. Her five year old was not curing cancer or winning a Puiltzer, I promise they were more than likely very much like your five year old. If anything, they had just seen more flashcards. Shaming is not okay. Just because someone repackages it as social norming does not make it okay. Boys can pierce their ears and have long hair. They can dance and learn to sew. Girls can learn to fix cars and read comic books. They can wear overalls and love snakes. Kids can learn to read at 4, 7, or 9. They can start writing at 5, 8, or 12. Kids can wear polka dots and plaid at the same time, live in Crocs, and pajama pants are just plain comfortable! The only action that can make any of these negative is when a person feels complelled to be something other than themselves in order to avoid ridicule. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gratia271 Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Other homeschooling moms in my area quickly talked me out of talking to them about anything regarding my children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SarahW Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Weird. I only know one classical homeschooler IRL. Other than TWTM, our homeschooling bookshelves are 99.9% different. When we visit we always say "ooh, la, la! Anything new I can look at?" It's fun, but ultimately we both do our own thing. For example, she makes her kids do Saxon. The horror! :lol: Other than that, most of the homeschoolers in my area are either strongly Christian-BJU/Abeka or atheist unschoolers. Discussing curriculum with either group is pointless. Plus, most of what I use seems to be rather obscure IRL. Michael Clay Thompson, who's that? Beast Academy, what? Song School Latin, what-why? I blame this forum. And all of you. You are all responsible. Each and every one of you! <_< :P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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