Jump to content

Menu
Giving You and Your Child a Road Map to the Best Possible Education
The Well-Trained Mind Community

That woman REALLY chaps my hide. (Annual annoying relative vent and JAWM) Let's not be too philosophical, please.

Ginevra

By Ginevra,
in The Chat Board

 Share

Recommended Posts

Ginevra

Ginevra

Posted
Posted (edited)

 

EDIT: this is an old thread. Just so you know...not currently having much trouble with this person. 

This SIL just burns me up. She is such a control freak. I know she thinks she's demonstrating how Very Organized she is, but it seriously just does not strike me that way. It strikes me as Bossy Control Freak.

 

In order to really get the full picture, you need to know that my DH sent out the Thanksgiving e-mail, saying, basically, "Let's discuss who can bring what for TGiving, because Mom thinks she can do it all when she clearly cannot. So, she'll make the turkey and our DD will help her make the noodles. We'll bring a dessert and birthday cake for November bdays; let us know what everyone else plans to do and can contribute." So, through e-mails, the other TGiving foods were worked out. I thought it was respectful of what each person felt able to provide. But I know the two SILs who are a thorn in my side always, complained that nobody organized beverages (as in Lemonade and Iced Tea - you know, really complex and difficult to put together the day of), and there were no Saltines and Tabasco for the traditional oysters for the guys' skeet shoot (though, had they asked *me*, I do have Saltines and hot sauce, but they didn't ask me, just fumed that it wasn't "organized" in advance, such that SIL had to go to the store that was open and buy them).

 

So, anyway, now the SIL who, no doubt, believes she's "properly organizing" Christmas dinner, sends out the e-mail that orders everybody what to bring like so: "Dinner starts at 6:30. Plan to provide for 35. Bob and Betty, bring Ham and Sweet Potatoes. Tom and Jill, bring a vegetable and Dinner Rolls. Quill and Mr. Quill, bring a vegetable side and dessert..." and so on, ordering everyone what their assignment is, with pretty much no regard for what anyone's plans are, or what anyone feels well-equipped to bring. *Side note: I hate bringing a vegetable side. I never know what to bring that is good for make-and-take. I can only come up with the ubiquitous Green Bean Casserole, which I don't like. I can bring it for the benefit of others, but I don't personally like vegetables smothered in goo; I like my vegetables clean and simple, but that doesn't work well for make-and-take. But back to your regularly-scheduled whining.

 

Anyhow, today she's sending an e-mail again, because she needs to know precisely which vegetable side and dessert we plan to bring, because I guess it would be some sort of tragedy if we had two pumpkin pies and no apple.

 

Now I remember why I was seriously considering going on a family trip far, far away for Christmas.

Edited by Quill
  • Like 16
Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • Replies 175
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Days

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Days

Tanaqui

Tanaqui

Posted
Posted

Guess it's too late to send a group email asking somebody to swap with you because you hate bringing the vegetable. Bummer.

 

And your in-laws - wow! If they were so concerned about organizing beverages or saltines, why didn't they bring that up in the initial round of emailing? Sheesh. At least you don't have to see them every day.

  • Like 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites
MeAndTheBoys

MeAndTheBoys

Posted
Posted

I get while you're annoyed--but being married to the "let it go" guy and being the "I'm so stressed that every detail isn't worked out" person, I can see both sides.  I've softened up a lot, but I really get tight when there are family dinners and every detail isn't worked out.  Because what if ONE THING is missing???  In my crazy mind, it really does strike me that "all will be ruined!"

 

And it's not because I intend to be bossy and control everyone; I just want everyone to be happy and I feel like (completely irrationally) it will all be my fault if the saltines aren't there and I didn't think of it---

 

I would feel just as put out with the "laid back" people because I just knew that if the hot sauce was missing, *I* would have to run to the store to get it.

 

I feel your pain :) because I am more aware of how my OCD tendencies for organizing things annoys people, and I try to soften it up a bit--but they may not be TRYING to boss you around.  Different personality types rub up against each other for sure---

 

B

  • Like 6
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Ellie

Ellie

Posted
Posted

This SIL just burns me up. She is such a control freak. I know she thinks she's demonstrating how Very Organized she is, but it seriously just does not strike me that way. It strikes me as Bossy Control Freak.

 

In order to really get the full picture, you need to know that my DH sent out the Thanksgiving e-mail, saying, basically, "Let's discuss who can bring what for TGiving, because Mom thinks she can do it all when she clearly cannot. So, she'll make the turkey and our DD will help her make the noodles. We'll bring a dessert and birthday cake for November bdays; let us know what everyone else plans to do and can contribute." So, through e-mails, the other TGiving foods were worked out. I thought it was respectful of what each person felt able to provide. But I know the two SILs who are a thorn in my side always, complained that nobody organized beverages (as in Lemonade and Iced Tea - you know, really complex and difficult to put together the day of), and there were no Saltines and Tabasco for the traditional oysters for the guys' skeet shoot (though, had they asked *me*, I do have Saltines and hot sauce, but they didn't ask me, just fumed that it wasn't "organized" in advance, such that SIL had to go to the store that was open and buy them).

 

So, anyway, now the SIL who, no doubt, believes she's "properly organizing" Christmas dinner, sends out the e-mail that orders everybody what to bring like so: "Dinner starts at 6:30. Plan to provide for 35. Bob and Betty, bring Ham and Sweet Potatoes. Tom and Jill, bring a vegetable and Dinner Rolls. Quill and Mr. Quill, bring a vegetable side and dessert..." and so on, ordering everyone what their assignment is, with pretty much no regard for what anyone's plans are, or what anyone feels well-equipped to bring. *Side note: I hate bringing a vegetable side. I never know what to bring that is good for make-and-take. I can only come up with the ubiquitous Green Bean Casserole, which I don't like. I can bring it for the benefit of others, but I don't personally like vegetables smothered in goo; I like my vegetables clean and simple, but that doesn't work well for make-and-take. But back to your regularly-scheduled whining.

 

Anyhow, today she's sending an e-mail again, because she needs to know precisely which vegetable side and dessert we plan to bring, because I guess it would be some sort of tragedy if we had two pumpkin pies and no apple.

 

Now I remember why I was seriously considering going on a family trip far, far away for Christmas.

 

I regret to say that I don't play well with those kinds of rules. I would probably give a non-response, as in, "Gosh, so much will depend on what our budget is on the day I go shopping, and what my time will be like in general. I promise to bring something yummy."

  • Like 16
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Robin M

Robin M

Posted
Posted

I'm so sorry you have to deal with that. So irritating especially when you had your plans figured out.

 

Is she changing all the previously agreed upon arrangements? if so, I would do a group email back to her saying this is what is agreed to bring originally so you'll have to deal with the vegetables. Harsh, but forthright. Otherwise, if you don't want to argue with her, just reply "I haven't been to the store to check out the frozen aisle yet. See ya later, love". and then do what you planned.

 

I have a tendency to get snarky when others try to change or make others feel guilty over little things.

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Stacia

Stacia

Posted
Posted

As an easy make & take, how about a big pan of roasted veggies (carrots, cauliflower, onion -- really whatever veggies you like that you can chop into about a 1-inch cube; toss with a little olive oil, sprinkle with Mrs. Dash or a mix of Italian seasonings; roast about 30-40 minutes on 400, stirring a couple of times)? Or a cold/raw veggie tray? A big mixed salad of some sort? Basically, fix something you like & that doesn't require a lot of hassle on your part.

 

I wouldn't tell ahead of time what you're bringing -- just say it will be veggies & a dessert, like you were 'assigned'. Or, I'd ignore this email altogether & just not respond.

 

:grouphug:

  • Like 10
Link to comment
Share on other sites
myfunnybunch

myfunnybunch

Posted
Posted

"What email? Oh. That was serious? I thought you were trying to recreate that Thanksgiving joke where the woman tries to micromanage the family meal via email."

 

Sigh. Ok, maybe not that. I'd just tell her you haven't decided and then make something that you want to make. At best, everyone else will love it too; at worst, you won't be asked to do the veggie side again.

 

My family tends to do things the way you do. So I had to send ds and his cousin home (we had our Tgiving meal at our church down the street) 2-3 times for things we forgot, and we didn't have lemons, and someone forgot their side dish. But (believe it or not) the world did not end.

 

All of that would bug me too, especially from people who already bug me. I hate being "managed."

 

Cat

  • Like 11
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest

Guest

Posted
Posted

I get while you're annoyed--but being married to the "let it go" guy and being the "I'm so stressed that every detail isn't worked out" person, I can see both sides. I've softened up a lot, but I really get tight when there are family dinners and every detail isn't worked out. Because what if ONE THING is missing??? In my crazy mind, it really does strike me that "all will be ruined!"

 

And it's not because I intend to be bossy and control everyone; I just want everyone to be happy and I feel like (completely irrationally) it will all be my fault if the saltines aren't there and I didn't think of it---

 

I would feel just as put out with the "laid back" people because I just knew that if the hot sauce was missing, *I* would have to run to the store to get it.

 

I feel your pain :) because I am more aware of how my OCD tendencies for organizing things annoys people, and I try to soften it up a bit--but they may not be TRYING to boss you around. Different personality types rub up against each other for sure---

 

B

Yeah, I get that, but I am an OCD person. I'm just an OCD person who has discovered that nothing calamitous happens if there are no Saltines, KWIM? I guess I am an OCD person for whom apathy has set in. ;)

  • Like 17
  • Haha 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Katy

Katy

Posted
Posted

"Oh, honey, is your OCD acting up again?  I hate to bring vegetables, but I'll bring three pies.  Bring a vegetable yourself."

 

Can you imagine being married to someone like that?  Every time I hear a story like that I think about how horrible that would be.

  • Like 16
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Laurie4b

Laurie4b

Posted
Posted

Since I'm of the "What on earth is wrong with running out the day of for hot sauce?" mindset, this would drive me nuts, too. 

 

If you like "clean" veges, you could: 1) tell her that you need an oven and roast veges once you get there. (prep them at home) 2) take plain baked sweet potatoes and provide some brown sugar and cinnamon for anyone who wants to dress them up, 2) tell her you will need space on the range and take your choices of veges and steam or saute them when you get there.

 

You could also cook collards there (very nutritious) and stink up the house.

 

I can't stand the green bean casserole either. It's about the only thing left from the 1950-60s "Make everything with canned cream soup,  french onion soup packets, and sometimes cheese days" and I'm grateful there aren't more.

  • Like 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest

Guest

Posted
Posted

Your SIL's name wouldn't happen to be Marney, would it?

 

http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/2009/11/26/awkward-family-story-the-thanksgiving-letter/

OMG, that is highly close to the e-mail I did receive! And no, SIL is not named "Marney," but, funnily enough, her name is very similar to it! We even have one family member whom everybody know will not read the e-mail (though I'm kinda wishing I had that reputation...maybe not, since that means I would get a phone call, which is way worse!)

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest

Guest

Posted
Posted

My Multi-quote isn't working right...

 

I like the Roasted Vegetables. That is a great idea an ought to transport well. And I will actually eat that.

 

At Thanksgiving, this SIL also got very irritated with my son playing in the family room with his cousin. They were wrestling. Never mind that her own kids used to do that too; it was acceptable then, but not anymore. She said, "When we have Christmas at our house, those BOYS will be in the BASEMENT! I have a thousand square feet of unfinished basement they can roll around in all night, but they are NOT playing around in MY family room!"

 

Up yours, woman.

  • Like 16
Link to comment
Share on other sites
dsmith

dsmith

Posted
Posted

Sounds very annoying! How about some lightly glazed carrots? I make them on the stove-top and then throw them in the crock pot on warm when we have a crowd. I don't make them gooey, just a very light coating so that the taste of the carrots stands out. Trader Joe's has a bag of carrots that are white, orange and purple. They looked very pretty on the plate.

  • Like 6
Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • Popular Post
albeto.

albeto.

Posted
  • Popular Post
Posted

How can you resist the temptation to one-up her?

 

Quill: That sounds great. I was thinking of preparing either A, B, or C. Please let me know what you would like me to bring.

 

SIL: Please bring A.

 

Quill: Thank you. I was thinking of broiling, baking, or sauteing A. Please let me know which preparation suits your menu the best.

 

SIL: I think baking is the best for that dish.

 

Quill: Thank you. I was tempted to add between 1 and 2 teaspoons of minced garlic. Please let me know how much garlic to add.

 

ad nauseum.

  • Like 59
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
HS Mom in NC

HS Mom in NC

Posted
Posted

This SIL just burns me up. She is such a control freak. I know she thinks she's demonstrating how Very Organized she is, but it seriously just does not strike me that way. It strikes me as Bossy Control Freak.

 

In order to really get the full picture, you need to know that my DH sent out the Thanksgiving e-mail, saying, basically, "Let's discuss who can bring what for TGiving, because Mom thinks she can do it all when she clearly cannot. So, she'll make the turkey and our DD will help her make the noodles. We'll bring a dessert and birthday cake for November bdays; let us know what everyone else plans to do and can contribute." So, through e-mails, the other TGiving foods were worked out.

 

I think this way  is the right approach too.  That way you avoid duplicates or voids and everyone is treated like an adult. This is how my 20-25 people sized family handles it.

 

I thought it was respectful of what each person felt able to provide. But I know the two SILs who are a thorn in my side always, complained that nobody organized beverages (as in Lemonade and Iced Tea - you know, really complex and difficult to put together the day of), and there were no Saltines and Tabasco for the traditional oysters for the guys' skeet shoot (though, had they asked *me*, I do have Saltines and hot sauce, but they didn't ask me, just fumed that it wasn't "organized" in advance, such that SIL had to go to the store that was open and buy them).

 

If they cared so much about those specific things being there, why didn't they volunteer to bring them?  Why didn't they bring them just in case?  Those things keep for later so it's no loss to being them and not use them if someone else brought them.

 

I detest going to the store the day of too.  So if they want to avoid going to the store for anything they better have every possibility covered and ready to go themselves.  They're old enough to think ahead about things and meet their own needs.  They're not kids after all. If they choose not to think ahead and are unwilling to meet their own needs, then it's on them, not on you.

 

So, anyway, now the SIL who, no doubt, believes she's "properly organizing" Christmas dinner, sends out the e-mail that orders everybody what to bring like so: "Dinner starts at 6:30. Plan to provide for 35. Bob and Betty, bring Ham and Sweet Potatoes. Tom and Jill, bring a vegetable and Dinner Rolls. Quill and Mr. Quill, bring a vegetable side and dessert..." and so on, ordering everyone what their assignment is, with pretty much no regard for what anyone's plans are, or what anyone feels well-equipped to bring. *Side note: I hate bringing a vegetable side. I never know what to bring that is good for make-and-take. I can only come up with the ubiquitous Green Bean Casserole, which I don't like. I can bring it for the benefit of others, but I don't personally like vegetables smothered in goo; I like my vegetables clean and simple, but that doesn't work well for make-and-take. But back to your regularly-scheduled whining.

 

Anyhow, today she's sending an e-mail again, because she needs to know precisely which vegetable side and dessert we plan to bring, because I guess it would be some sort of tragedy if we had two pumpkin pies and no apple.

 

I think you should tell her what you have decided you will bring and it won't be a vegetable just you do for TGiving.  Don't ask.  Don't apologize. She can react to that however she chooses.  She can have a hissy fit if she chooses because it's not what she told you to bring and if she does, I suggest that you not care one itty bitty little bit that she's upset.  You'll bring what you decide to bring. 

 

Now I remember why I was seriously considering going on a family trip far, far away for Christmas.

 

 

 

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Ellie

Ellie

Posted
Posted

How can you resist the temptation to one-up her?

 

Quill: That sounds great. I was thinking of preparing either A, B, or C. Please let me know what you would like me to bring.

 

SIL: Please bring A.

 

Quill: Thank you. I was thinking of broiling, baking, or sauteing A. Please let me know which preparation suits your menu the best.

 

SIL: I think baking is the best for that dish.

 

Quill: Thank you. I was tempted to add between 1 and 2 teaspoons of minced garlic. Please let me know how much garlic to add.

 

ad nauseum.

 

This. :001_tt2:

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites
NorthwestMom

NorthwestMom

Posted
Posted

Ha ha ha, I DO agree with you.  

 

But as as aside, have you noticed that the older we get, the more people lost their filter and can't hide what they are feeling as well as they used to? When someone is a touch crazy and getting older, they can't hide their frustration and disappointment anymore and it leaks out all over family gatherings. It's annoying, and I'm afraid it'll be ME any day now. LOL. If I were you I'd be making Saltine jokes to my DH for YEARS.

 

And another digression, have you seen the recipe that's floating around, for toffee and Saltine cookies? This was getting raves on my FB last week.  A little dig at her she'll never get if you bring it for dessert: http://allrecipes.com/recipe/saltine-toffee-cookies/

 

Good luck! I'd totally eat roasted vegetables.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites
LucyStoner

LucyStoner

Posted
Posted

OMG, that is highly close to the e-mail I did receive! And no, SIL is not named "Marney," but, funnily enough, her name is very similar to it! We even have one family member whom everybody know will not read the e-mail (though I'm kinda wishing I had that reputation...maybe not, since that means I would get a phone call, which is way worse!)

Show up wearing this shirt:

 

http://awkwardandsons.com/products/the-marney-shirt-1

 

And with the worst possible veggie side imaginable and a store bought pie.

  • Like 11
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Rosie_0801

Rosie_0801

Posted
Posted

There are worse things than a lack of Saltines.

 

Like the year my dad told my sister he was coming to my place for Christmas Eve dinner, and she told him she was too. And *neither* of them told me!

 

They rocked up to find $200 worth of food uncooked in my kitchen because we were expecting them for Christmas lunch. 

 

So all they got for their Christmas dinner was left over soup.

 

(We're not on speaking terms any more, but it wasn't because of the dinner. :lol: )

  • Like 17
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Carol in Cal.

Carol in Cal.

Posted
Posted

For veggies, I always want something light and cool with a heavy meal.

So I would go with very clean dry salad fixings, and bring dressing to toss right before dinner.

Examples:  Romaine lettuce and roquefort dressing (my favorite is the one in Chez Panisse Menu Cooking)
Baby spinach, dried cranberries, goat cheese, and slivered almonds with raspberry vinaigrette

Butter lettuce with herbed vinaigrette

Or I make a nice strong Dijon mustard vinaigrette with no oil and lots of chopped shallots, and blanch and chill green beans, and pour the vinaigrette over it right before I leave (I have one of those sealing marinade dishes from Tupperware for this), and flip the dish a few times on the way to thoroughly coat everything, and then lift them out onto a ceramic quiche pan or long, narrow serving dish right before serving.  This is always popular.

I dislike cooked veggie casseroles, pretty much.  But the one exception is a mushroom souffle, but that is hard to transport very far.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites
SKL

SKL

Posted
Posted

I think I would bring a cold vegetable tray and one of those boxes of frozen cream puffs from Sam's.

 

My family does a ham and potato/macaroni salads for Christmas.  Nobody is asked to bring anything.  It isn't a sit-down meal.  Nobody has died of starvation yet.

 

When my sisters do cooked veg sides for big dinners, it's usually broccoli or cauliflower au gratin.

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest

Guest

Posted
Posted

If I were you I'd be making Saltine jokes to my DH for YEARS.

OMG, that gives me the BEST idea! i totally need to bring a box of crackers and hot sauce to hand to her upon arrival, stating, "you know. Just in case." :P

  • Like 34
Link to comment
Share on other sites
mom2samlibby

mom2samlibby

Posted
Posted

I must be mellowing in my old age. I don't see it as a big deal. Decide what are bringing and send her an email back to let her know. I'm guessing there is some back history that makes this seem worse to you. She's organizing it the way she wants to. When it's your holiday, you can organize how you want to.

 

Try to relax and enjoy the holiday.

  • Like 6
Link to comment
Share on other sites
albeto.

albeto.

Posted
Posted

I must be mellowing in my old age. I don't see it as a big deal. Decide what are bringing and send her an email back to let her know. I'm guessing there is some back history that makes this seem worse to you. She's organizing it the way she wants to. When it's your holiday, you can organize how you want to.

 

Try to relax and enjoy the holiday.

 

I didn't get the impression Quill saw it as a "big deal," but humorous in the absurdity of the situation. If I thought this was meant to be a serious cry for help, I couldn't get past noodles for Thanksgiving Day dinner. I mean, lolwut?

  • Like 15
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Grover

Grover

Posted
Posted

OMG, that gives me the BEST idea! i totally need to bring a box of crackers and hot sauce to hand to her upon arrival, stating, "you know. Just in case." :p

 

oh, PLEASE do this.  But make sure someone is filming and post a link.  Pleeeeeeeease?

 

We do family Christmas with my parents.  Despite being a grown up with a family of my own I am still apparently 12 and unable to actually provide anything for the meal.  After 4 requests for "what can I bring" this year (turning up with any old thing would not be acceptable.. tried that last year), I finally got told I could bring some lettuce and some eggs and "I'll take care of them when you arrive".  Righto.  On the other hand I'm in charge of Trifle for the other side of the family's dinner.  I've never actually made one before, so that might be interesting :-)

  • Like 9
Link to comment
Share on other sites
HS Mom in NC

HS Mom in NC

Posted
Posted

I didn't get the impression Quill saw it as a "big deal," but humorous in the absurdity of the situation. If I thought this was meant to be a serious cry for help, I couldn't get past noodles for Thanksgiving Day dinner. I mean, lolwut?

 

I was trying to keep it to myself, but the noddles and the seafood for a skeet shoot threw me too. 

 

Maybe this is how our guests react to Mexican Food for a Christmas gathering with my family?

  • Like 6
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Cinder

Cinder

Posted
Posted

:grouphug:   Bleah on overbearing relatives.

 

 

FWIW I'd just take steamed broccoli and cauliflower, maybe some butter, salt, pepper on top. I did take sauteed green beans simmered in (not boiled--just enough liquid to provide steam for cooking) beef broth, with garlic and soy sauce. No recipe, just winged it; they turned out well.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Stacia

Stacia

Posted
Posted

I'd bring awesome take out pizza because a) congress says it's a vegetable & b) I'd be the COOLEST aunt ever & all the kids would love me & c) odds are everyone would want a slice & that would bug the proper hosts.

 

And a big tub of ice cream for dessert.

 

Is ketchup still classified as a veggie? If so, a big bottle of ketchup & a pack of Oreos would fit the bill too.

 

Big bottle of ketchup = $3.00

Two packs of holiday-themed Oreos (what the heck -- it is Christmas, after all!) = $10

Sil's expression when you had over the plastic grocery bag with your items = Priceless

 

:lol:

  • Like 26
Link to comment
Share on other sites
zoobie

zoobie

Posted
Posted

I'd bring awesome take out pizza because a) congress says it's a vegetable & b) I'd be the COOLEST aunt ever & all the kids would love me & c) odds are everyone would want a slice & that would bug the proper hosts.

 

And a big tub of ice cream for dessert.

Or ketchup! Or spicy ketchup, hitting both veggie and hot sauce categories.

 

ETA: Sorry, Stacia! Was posting slowly on my phone. :)

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...