Veritaserum Posted December 14, 2014 Share Posted December 14, 2014 My family has a name rotation (this sibling gives to that sibling/family). You can predict it out for years to come. It's up to you if you can afford or want to give a family gift or individual gifts for each person in the assigned family (e.g. a board game or movie tickets vs. something for your sibling, your sibling's spouse, and each child of that sibling). My husband's family does something different each year and it generally gets decided around Thanksgiving. We hadn't heard anything, so dh and I had decided we would give nice family gifts to each of his siblings. Then his sisters decided that instead of siblings giving to each other, everyone should just give to the children of the family (neither of them have children). BIL replied and said he'd prefer to everyone give gifts to all the siblings. I replied and said that dh and I were planning to do family gifts and that my children would also enjoy a family gift vs. individual gifts. So then we had more discussion and a vote. Each sibling/spouse is to give a gift to another sibling/spouse PLUS a family gift. Christmas just got a lot more expensive. And now we have to figure out what everybody else might enjoy for a gift. How do things work in your family/spouse's family? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted December 14, 2014 Share Posted December 14, 2014 Dh's family doesn't do anything anymore, not sure why. My family seems to change every year. I find it stressful because I need to plan. I don't get to make the decision, so I'm still waiting to hear how much money I am supposed to spend, sigh. It's the most stressful and expensive shopping I do all year. We used to draw names from a pool that included everyone and give individual gifts. This year I think we're trying a grab bag. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gingersmom Posted December 14, 2014 Share Posted December 14, 2014 We used to do kids only. By the time they hit 16 or so we stopped. My nieces/nephew are uber wealthy and want for nothing. Now only my 3 year old niece gets gifts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amira Posted December 14, 2014 Share Posted December 14, 2014 We did the rotation thing for about 15 years on both sides of the family but it's pretty much died out in the last 3 years. We skipped it a few years anyway when it was still going because we either couldn't afford it or lived too far away. We'd tell the person who was supposed to send something to us to send a gift to the person we were assigned to. When people did manage to figure out where we were living that year and send a gift, we usually had to give it away when we moved next. I am delighted that the whole thing is over and I can send a cheery email instead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caroline Posted December 14, 2014 Share Posted December 14, 2014 On my side of the family, we give everyone gifts at Christmas. However, we don't do birthday gifts every year. On my DH's side, we are supposed to only give gifts to the kids. We do give birthday gifts on that side to adults. However, I love giving Christmas gifts, and I hate being told what to do, so I always give each couple a gift basket. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted December 14, 2014 Share Posted December 14, 2014 We did name drawing for some years, but for the past 5 or so, we just do a white elephant for the adults. Since the age variations are so vast, kids still draw names. Teens get to decide if they want in on the adults white elephant exchange or the kid exchange. For the past 2 years, there are only two kids left.....both my own. LOL DD16 stays in the kid exchange because she knows she will get something good since I am the one buying it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacia Posted December 14, 2014 Share Posted December 14, 2014 Dh's family: All the adults draw names for exchanging a gift. Each family buys for the kids. We set a price cap for both adult & kid gifts. Originally, there were 5 kids, this year it's down to 4 because it was decided that my college-age nephew should move to the adult category. So, this year, we have 9 adults exchanging names & 4 kids that will be getting gifts (from 2 sets of aunts/uncles + grandparents). No one gives their own kids presents at this gathering. Since 2 of the kids are mine, that means our family is buying gifts for 2 adults & gifts for 2 kids. This is a group that makes shopping easy as generally anyone will provide some ideas if asked. My family: It is my parents, my sis & her dh, plus my family. Everyone buys stuff for everyone. I would love to draw names &/or do a price cap, but that's not the way my family (esp. my parents) rolls, so it's like the land of excess. (My kids get inundated with presents.) It's basically a free-for-all, lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bibliophile Posted December 14, 2014 Share Posted December 14, 2014 I'm sorry that you have to deal with last minute changes in your gift giving plan. :( Our families tend to do something different each year. I have had to take on the organization of family gift giving and holiday get togethers. I bring up these topics in JULY. I have found that these things are best discussed far in advance of the holiday. No one is emotionally invested in the tiny details of Christmas while enjoying summer BBQs and pool parties*. Everyone seems quite agreeable and level-headed at that time of year, at least in my family. Addressing issues at an appointed time on my calendar (yes, I have a scheduled reminder) helps alleviate my stress and agrivation over small details during the holidays. *ETA: I just realized this would only hold true for us northern hemisphere folks. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sherry in OH Posted December 14, 2014 Share Posted December 14, 2014 My siblings and I buy gifts for each other’s children. We also give gifts to our parents. Some years, we combine funds for a single large gift. Other years we each buy them gifts. My parents buy gifts for everyone. There has been some talk of stopping gift giving when the children are older in favor of an extended family vacation. The youngest is 2, so it may be a while. We are semi-estranged from dh’s side of the family. We have a gift for MIL, but no plans for getting it to her. Same with a gift for one of dh’s siblings. Prior to the estrangement, MIL and SIL would confer regarding the year’s gift giving plans and make a proclamation at Thanksgiving. Many years this decision would be revised within a week of Christmas necessitating last minute shopping. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hornblower Posted December 14, 2014 Share Posted December 14, 2014 presents for children only, & only till they're about 16 & only the ones we see. we have nephews & a niece in another town & they've aged out of gifts now but even when they were younger, their parents didn't want us mailing them stuff. We don't really exchange presents with anyone else. Last year my il's refused to come over for xmas dinner (many health issues & dementia) & dh just popped in to drop off a box of chocolates there.We bought things for our kids. Dd is making noises that she'd like to stop receiving gifts. Ds likes gifts but i think he'd be ok with stopping too so I don't know what it will be like next year. Dd is working this Christmas so we're not even sure when our kids will open presents.... we have 2 nephews who are still within gift age so dh just went this a.m. to buy some inexpensive small toy. I'm starting wrapping this morning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jane in NC Posted December 14, 2014 Share Posted December 14, 2014 My husband is one of five children. Each year we give to one sibling or his/her spouse. The names are assigned by a computer program that my husband wrote which eliminates the possibility that you will draw yourself, your spouse or the person to whom you gave the previous year. I wish the adult children on that side of the family would enter into the drawing. I have given nieces and nephews on his side of the family gifts through college; now I am giving to their children, i.e. my grand nieces and nephews. My family is smaller. I give to my sister, her spouse, her adult children, their spouses and now their young children. I am tired of giving gifts. This year I am giving family presents with a small item to each person, more emphasis on children. Each family unit has a box from us--not lots of individual packages. My plan is to try to stick to a theme. For example, for my nephew, his wife and young son, I am giving a gift card to the ice rink, Jan Brett's book The Mitten, and handknitted mittens for all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2scouts Posted December 14, 2014 Share Posted December 14, 2014 We do not exchange with any family or sibling families. We buy a few gifts for our children and maybe their SO if they are older. The rest of the family just gets together to enjoy each other's company. Honestly, I'm not a fan of planned gift giving. A gift is supposed to be from the heart and I don't want to give a gift that I would resent. I would just give what I planned to give (in your case, the family gift) and be done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pippen Posted December 14, 2014 Share Posted December 14, 2014 We stopped exchanging with siblings years ago. Never started with their children who were out-of-state, and stopped with the in-state children when SIL got divorced and money was a major issue. We still get together but don't exchange gifts. Some years I'll pick a small something up for my SIL, but it's from the heart like the above poster mentioned. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted December 14, 2014 Share Posted December 14, 2014 I give gifts to my sister and her daughter, and they give gifts to us and our children. DH does not give gifts to his brother and his family, and they do not give gifts to our family. Easy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted December 14, 2014 Share Posted December 14, 2014 In my family there are 7 sibling (all married but 1), our parents, and 14 nieces and nephews. We do a goodwill Christmas every year. You either hand down something you already own and think a specific person would like or you find things used that you think people would like. There is no obligation to get everyone something or anyone something. You simply get them something if you find something they would particularly like. This usually ends up with all the nieces and nephews getting something from all my siblings. And a lot of the time most siblings get something as well. It all just depends on the year. In dh's family there are 3 siblings (all married), his parents who are separated, and 5 nieces and nephews. This is the first year the siblings agreed to only shop for the kids and their parents. We also buy his grandmother something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Veritaserum Posted December 14, 2014 Author Share Posted December 14, 2014 The unpredictability of dh's family unnerves me all the time. Maybe I should start bringing up Christmas plans in July and stick to what was decided then even if they later change things around. :-P Dh is the oldest of four. All four are married. Dh and his brother are the only ones with kids (we have six and his brother has three). I'm one of six (four married/with kids). My family is more predictable. We are all planners by nature. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucy the Valiant Posted December 14, 2014 Share Posted December 14, 2014 My sisters and I put our heads together a few years ago in an effort to (1) maintain the joy of giving at Christmas while simultaneously (2) making things affordable for everyone. Our solution was PERFECT, and it has been wonderful for several years now - the cousins (there are lots, elementary school age and down) each pick out a candy treat for each of the other cousins, and we wrap and exchange / mail those. For the adults, each of us make 1 scrapbook page of our family from that year, and we give them to our siblings & parents - we've been doing this for 4-5 years, and I have a lovely family scrapbook of the cousins over the years. This is fun & small for us - none of our kids really need more toys / books / stuff, but we do love the fun of planning & choosing and giving a small gift. (We initially thought about doing a different "theme" each year - stickers, socks, etc., but the candy was such a hit that we've stayed there for now.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Upward Journey Posted December 14, 2014 Share Posted December 14, 2014 My family has a name rotation (this sibling gives to that sibling/family). You can predict it out for years to come. It's up to you if you can afford or want to give a family gift or individual gifts for each person in the assigned family (e.g. a board game or movie tickets vs. something for your sibling, your sibling's spouse, and each child of that sibling). This is exactly what we do on my side of the family. I love it! esp. because there are so many of us. We could never afford another arrangement. On my husbands side we give gifts to the cousins, all two of them ;) As the kids got older (teens) we, my sil & I, got into the habit of giving amazon or itunes gift cards. The kids look forward to it each year :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Upward Journey Posted December 14, 2014 Share Posted December 14, 2014 My sisters and I put our heads together a few years ago in an effort to (1) maintain the joy of giving at Christmas while simultaneously (2) making things affordable for everyone. Our solution was PERFECT, and it has been wonderful for several years now - the cousins (there are lots, elementary school age and down) each pick out a candy treat for each of the other cousins, and we wrap and exchange / mail those. For the adults, each of us make 1 scrapbook page of our family from that year, and we give them to our siblings & parents - we've been doing this for 4-5 years, and I have a lovely family scrapbook of the cousins over the years. This is fun & small for us - none of our kids really need more toys / books / stuff, but we do love the fun of planning & choosing and giving a small gift. (We initially thought about doing a different "theme" each year - stickers, socks, etc., but the candy was such a hit that we've stayed there for now.) What a lovely idea!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted December 14, 2014 Share Posted December 14, 2014 We don't give gifts to our siblings or their children, on either side. So much less stress! We all see each other maybe once a year and aren't really involved in each other's daily lives much because of proximity. Some of us are flying when we visit, so bringing gifts home is tricky, and when we got to the point of exchanging gift cards, we decided to quit. We considered drawing names for the grandkids on my side, but of the nine grandkids, my one brother has one, my other brother has three, and we have five, so drawing names doesn't work, since we have over half of the grandkids. If there were like twenty grandkids, that would make sense and could be fun. If my one brother has more kids, and my newly married sister has kids, then it could work better. DH just has one sister, who has two little kids, and it just makes more sense for her not to have to worry about all five of our kids. So now we can all focus on just being together without worrying about gifts. I like it better that way, don't know about anyone else. My sister has given gifts to all of her nieces and nephews in the past, and we've given her something, since she's been single, but we shall see what happens this year. I have something for her and her new DH that will be fine either way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Posted December 14, 2014 Share Posted December 14, 2014 Mainly my one sister and brother buy gifts for all the nieces and nephews (13). I sometimes buy family gifts and sometimes individual gifts. Two brothers and one sister don't do anything except for the nieces/nephews they see in person. Some years they may see 3 of them and other years none. There is only one niece on my husband's side. We do buy her a present and she gives each of my three a present. None of the adult children or spouses on either side exchange gifts. We quit that when it became a gift card exchange. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barnwife Posted December 14, 2014 Share Posted December 14, 2014 My family gives gifts to everyone, sort of. I have 2 siblings. My mom and and dad, one sister and her husband (and their 3 kids), and DH and I (plus our 3 kids) exchange gifts. I so badly want to cut down on the craziness of this, but it would totally hurt my mom's feelings to do so. (My other sister and I are estranged, so no gift exchanging between us/her. I assume she still exchanges gifts with everyone else). My sister/parents still do birthday gifts all around too. DH and I do not.DH's family is another story. We have only celebrated Christmas with them once since we got married. It was so different than what I was used to. I spent time, money, and effort choosing a gift for all nieces/nephews (it's big family). At opening time, they each randomly grabbed gifts and opened whatever. At the end of the night they took home whatever they wanted. I told DH that I would no longer spend my time choosing gifts for them.There have been a few attempts to start drawing names of nieces/nephews, but they don't announce this until oh, a week or so before Christmas. And I refuse to be pressured into braving stores at that point. So we buy for no one on that side. I like the scrapbook idea that someone else mentioned. I'd make a book if everyone emailed me pics..hmmmm. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Veritaserum Posted December 14, 2014 Author Share Posted December 14, 2014 We don't give gifts to our siblings or their children, on either side. So much less stress! We all see each other maybe once a year and aren't really involved in each other's daily lives much because of proximity. Some of us are flying when we visit, so bringing gifts home is tricky, and when we got to the point of exchanging gift cards, we decided to quit. We considered drawing names for the grandkids on my side, but of the nine grandkids, my one brother has one, my other brother has three, and we have five, so drawing names doesn't work, since we have over half of the grandkids. If there were like twenty grandkids, that would make sense and could be fun. If my one brother has more kids, and my newly married sister has kids, then it could work better. DH just has one sister, who has two little kids, and it just makes more sense for her not to have to worry about all five of our kids. So now we can all focus on just being together without worrying about gifts. I like it better that way, don't know about anyone else. My sister has given gifts to all of her nieces and nephews in the past, and we've given her something, since she's been single, but we shall see what happens this year. I have something for her and her new DH that will be fine either way. The sister that has mostly been in charge of determining the gift exchange has specifically asked that members of her family only receive gift cards to x, y, or z. It does feel rather odd for everyone to just exchange money or gift cards. I don't know everyone well enough to choose a thoughtful gift (I and the other married in spouses voted for just family gifts instead of individual gifts). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storygirl Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 We exchange names with DH's siblings and their spouses (there are five of us altogether), so each one of us buys a gift for only one of the others. There is also a name draw for the children (six participants), so each child buys for another child. We also buy something for DH's parents, though sometimes this is a larger gift given as a group. DH's parents buy something for everyone. We don't usually exchanges gifts with my side of the family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 My mom and step-dad's side (5 adult siblings and a couple who are close friends of the family, 9 kids) 0-12 individual gifts for kids of siblings and close friends' kids 13-99 white elephant style gift exchange theme varies each year 1 gift per participant (participation is optional) My husband's parents (2 adult siblings, 5 kids) individual gifts for the kids of siblings My dad's side (2 adult siblings who also participate in the mom and step-dad exchange) Grampa gives everyone an individual gift each family of adult siblings gives Grampa a gift Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandylubug Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 We buy for my parents and the kids on my side of the family. On DHs, we buy for parents and with only one other sibling and their family, we decided this year to exchange a new board game with them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 I have 5 siblings, 1 of whom has stepkids in their 30s and grandkids of all ages. Only one of my siblings has children (not grandkids) under age 18. My family doesn't really have any rules, though my parents did inform everyone years ago that they were going to stop buying for adults, and encouraged everyone else to do the same. Most of us still continue to buy some token gift for the siblings' families if not for the individuals. Myself, I've been gradually scaling back, but I still get something for each couple as well as a separate gift (or gifts) for each child. I guess I don't know how to stop doing it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Muttichen Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 This year my family decided that instead of buying for each other, we'd adopt a couple of local families. I thought it was a great idea until my mom (who was organizing it all) brought me an envelope with $200 and a list of what to buy. She said this was her gift to dh, the two kids still at home, and me. She bought the gifts "from" the college kids. Then if felt a little weird. I'm not sure why, but buying a bike for the kid myself was great, but taking my mom's money and buying one seemed like I just had one extra errand to run. Also, some of the nieces and nephews are pretty young. My brother lives in another state and mom bought gifts (a doll, etc.) for the little girl in the family "from" youngest niece and sent a picture of it to her. Like I said, it just feels a little weird. I decided that my Christmas gift to my mom will be to humor her in her old age and just be all sunshiny and bright about this and maybe next year I can get her to do it a little differently. =) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 DH's family doesn't exchange gifts. I believe we all get something for MIL though. And then MIL buys for her children, their spouses, and their children. On my side, back when all the cousins were young, only the kids got presents. Adults didn't exchange gifts. We do all get something for mom and stepdad, and they insist on buying for children, spouses, and grandkids. Basically the biggest gift givers are the grandparents because they have so many people to buy for. DH and I wish we could get them all to just enjoy Christmas without the gift giving. It's too expensive for them living on tight budgets. The grandmas don't like the idea of no gift giving. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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