PeachyDoodle Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 (edited) I've mentioned on the boards before that my youngest sister was killed in an accident in 2007. She was only 19, and it was, as you can imagine, an enormous shock to our family. Although they have handled it remarkably well, my parents still struggle sometimes, especially around the holidays. Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago. My cousin proposes to his girlfriend. She says yes. This past Sunday, my aunt (my dad's sister and mother of the newly engaged cousin) casually mentions to my mother that they've set the date for March 7. March 7 was my sister's birthday. She would be 27 this coming year. I knew from the get-go this was no coincidence. We are a small family; there were only 5 of us cousins and we grew up close. Add in the fact that my cousin's younger brother and my sister were born just 11 days apart and were practically twins, and I KNOW he knows when her birthday is. My aunt certainly does. It was all confirmed when I ran into a mutual friend this evening who squealed, "I hear {cousin} is getting married on your sister's birthday!" This family has a long history of entitlement and making everything about them. A few examples: When my parents attended my aunt and uncle's wedding decades ago, they were shocked to hear the bride and groom recite the vows that my parents had written for each other the year before. My parents had no idea they had copied their vows. A few weeks after my sister passed away, our immediate family (my parents, my other sister, dh, dd, and I) took our annual beach vacation. My aunt and uncle and cousins decided unilaterally that they would also show up, so that we could "all be together." The last thing we wanted right then was outsiders, as it was the first time we'd had just to be the few of us since the accident. My dad finally had to intervene before my sister and I went ballistic. My mother was a complete basket case. This particular cousin has lived at home his entire life (he's 32), even through college and running a successful business. He does NOTHING for himself around the house, including cooking or laundry. When his parents added on a room to their home a few years ago, war nearly broke out because he insisted on being consulted on every decision, despite the fact that he doesn't own the home and wasn't paying a dime for the renovation. DH and I rent my late grandparents' home, which is jointly owned by my father and my aunt. For the first two years we lived here, we battled constantly because this cousin insisted on keeping copious amounts of supplies and equipment in our basement, rent-free. Worse, he would throw open the (extremely noisy) basement garage door at any hour of day or night and let himself in. I had two small children (one a newborn) at the time. Even worse than that, he was prone to opening our upstairs garage door (it has a keypad entry) and letting himself INSIDE OUR HOME when he wanted to, whether we were home or not. When it became apparent that he was going to become engaged, my aunt had the audacity to ask me when we were planning to move, because he and his fiancee want to move in here! There were never any limits put on our living here. In fact, the house was offered to my cousin before we took it, and he declined. I could live with any of these things on their own (and there are many more examples) but as an ongoing pattern, they are becoming unbearable. But this new offense just takes the cake, in my book. I start to cry every time I think about my poor mother having to sit through that ceremony on the one day out of the year that she can't stop herself from thinking about the day she held her sweet baby for the first time and dreamed about all the milestones she would get to see as that baby grew up. And now she has to watch my aunt's child get married on the one day she can't stop thinking about how she will never celebrate a wedding for her youngest daughter. It hurts so much I almost can't take it. It would even have been one thing if my cousin and his fiancee had approached my parents and asked for their blessing. Then it would have been more of a tribute to my sister. But as it is, it feels like they have, once again, managed to make something that has nothing to do with them all about them. They have taken away one of the few scraps we have left of my sister's life. And every year they will celebrate their anniversary and we will have to go through this all over again. There are 51 other Saturdays in 2015. Why can't they pick one? I know my parents. My mother is in terrible pain, but she will grit her teeth and keep her mouth shut. My father hates conflict so he will pretend nothing has happened. But I've had it. At the very least, I will boycott this wedding (it's going to be six hours away, so if nothing else, I can just say we aren't able to travel that far). But I don't know if I can watch all this take place without saying something about it. It may destroy my relationship with this part of my family but at this point, I couldn't care less. Thanks for listening. :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: Edited November 7, 2016 by PeachyDoodle 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FO4UR Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 :grouphug: That is hurtful! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 Oh dear, that hurts. I really don't know what I would do regarding the wedding. But one thing is for sure. I'd be changing locks and garage door codes TODAY. 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 I'm sorry. I get it. My mother invited me to a Mother-Daughter tea on May 6th - the date of my baby girl's death. On one hand, I understand that that date is not going to stand out for everyone else like it does for me. OTOH, I don't think it's too much to ask that my mother would be aware that I am not hip on celebrating Mother-Daughter relationships on the day my daughter died. Two things, though: your cousin can't take away your memories of your sister, even if they are complete Kardashian-sized as$es about it. Second, personally, I would not have a problem telling cousin that this is NOT a happy tribute to your sister that they might imagine it is. I would tell the cousin exactly what you said here - that it will be a wound to your mother, who will definitely be thinking about those missed experiences she can never have. 29 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 I would tell them that date is atrociously insensitive and I'd get and stay as far away from them as possible. I'm sorry they suck. You and your parents deserve better. 18 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 Oh, wow, that is awful. I am so sorry. I think you are right to stay far away from the wedding, and I think it could be good if that was the beginning of staying completely away from that entire end of your family. Let them go. Stay away. Far away. ((((hugs))) I am so very sorry that they would make your horrible tragedy harder. That is so wrong. That is some very messed up behavior. You can't control your parents' choices on how to deal with this, but this is your tragedy as well, and you have every right to set boundaries of your own. If you are asked for an explanation, I would state (honestly) that on the day of your sister's birthday, there is no way you could celebrate someone's wedding, as it would be too painful and your grief would be overwhelming as you couldn't stop thinking of the wedding your sister will never celebrate. So, you will be staying home. Period. No false excuses. 23 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 ps. I'd make plans to move out of the rental home. You need a clean break from these relatives. Make your plans so you can move out on your own timetable when you have somewhere nice to move to that is your own and not tangled up with these people. 18 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeachyDoodle Posted November 21, 2014 Author Share Posted November 21, 2014 Once we laid down the law on his intruding in our home, that stopped (thankfully). We do want to move, badly. We had hoped to build on some land that my parents own, but we've been trying to get it to perk for years. We just recently exhausted our last option. It's not going to happen. Without the collateral of the land, that puts us even further behind on a down payment. And dh's company is facing a huge merger at the beginning of the year, so we're not doing anything until we see how that shakes out. They will just have to wait. Did I mention they live next door? :glare: And they are the type that everyone thinks are SUCH WONDERFUL PEOPLE. Until you have to live with them. DH wants to have it out with them. My sister was only 5 when we started dating so she was like his little sister too (and he can't stand for me to be upset). I just don't want to do anything to make it harder on my parents than it already is. I am dying to talk to my (remaining, obviously) sister about this, but she is going through a crisis of her own right now and I don't want to upset her any further. I know this will crush her. Thank you all for the sympathy and encouragement. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChocolateReignRemix Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 Your cousin is a bumhole. 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILiveInFlipFlops Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 I would tell the cousin exactly what you said here - that it will be a wound to your mother, who will definitely be thinking about those missed experiences she can never have. I would tell them that date is atrociously insensitive and I'd get and stay as far away from them as possible. I'm sorry they suck. You and your parents deserve better. What they said. I would never stay quiet about it. People need to be called out on this cr@p. I would make my feelings known and say that you're sorry your family won't be able to attend the wedding because of the insensitivity to your family's loss. ETA: I just saw what you said about not making it harder on your parents. I would still speak up. Unless someone says something, this kind of thing won't stop happening. ETA again to say I'm very sorry about the pain your family's gone through, both then and now :grouphug: I was so outraged on your behalf that part got lost :( I'm sorry that your cousin in such a jerk and so insensitive, and that his parents are clueless enough to allow him to hurt your parents yet again. How sad that family could do that to one another. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 They're inconsiderate asses. I'm so sorry. :grouphug: 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILiveInFlipFlops Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 I'm sorry. I get it. My mother invited me to a Mother-Daughter tea on May 6th - the date of my baby girl's death. On one hand, I understand that that date is not going to stand out for everyone else like it does for me. OTOH, I don't think it's too much to ask that my mother would be aware that I am not hip on celebrating Mother-Daughter relationships on the day my daughter died. :grouphug: to you too, Quill. I'm sorry she didn't recognize how it would hurt you. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 Well see I think some people see this differently. They may see this as some way to honor a person or have the focus be on something happy in honor of the person. I know it's weird, but I wouldn't necessarily assume bad intentions. And while we are at "all about me". My mother's birthday was March 7th. My mother passed away 11 years ago. Someone close to my mother had a wedding some years after on March 7th. Weird coincidences! I'm sorry you are hurt though. Not trying to make light of how you feel. :grouphug: 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 I'm so, so sorry. Recently, I've gotten to know someone with a sense of entitlement that defies any logic at all, and I finally understand that there are really people like that out there. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applethyme Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeachyDoodle Posted November 21, 2014 Author Share Posted November 21, 2014 Well see I think some people see this differently. They may see this as some way to honor a person or have the focus be on something happy in honor of the person. I know it's weird, but I wouldn't necessarily assume bad intentions. And while we are at "all about me". My mother's birthday was March 7th. My mother passed away 11 years ago. Someone close to my mother had a wedding some years after on March 7th. Weird coincidences! I'm sorry you are hurt though. Not trying to make light of how you feel. :grouphug: I appreciate this. I really do. It's probably even the way they see it. And if they had approached my parents and asked for their blessing, I am certain the answer would have been yes. I could have lived with it in that case. It would have been like a tribute. As it is, it feels as though they just TOOK, without asking or even considering our feelings, one of the few threads of her that we have left to hold onto. FWIW, dh and I named our son after my sister's boyfriend, who was killed in the same accident. We adored him and felt sure they would have gotten married had they lived. We first went to his parents and asked for their blessing, which they freely gave. If it had made them uncomfortable, we certainly would not have done it. In no way did we want to compound their suffering. We wanted to honor both their son and my sister. March 7 must be reserved as a birthdate for very special people. :) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmyontheFarm Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 If you are going to be 6 hours away from the wedding, perhaps your parents should come to you and miss the wedding also. Everyone sends a nice gift and you spend your time together as a family that loves each other. Away from the cousin. Also, be prepared to be expected to leave in 2 weeks when they give notice. Because they aren't thinking about your feelings now and they won't be thinking about them later. Do you have a contract? 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeachyDoodle Posted November 21, 2014 Author Share Posted November 21, 2014 My parents live about 5 minutes from us. The wedding will be out of town. My parents can easily make the same excuse that we can -- that they aren't able to travel/get off work/etc. We will have just returned from a family vacation at Disney so it's likely that my mother, at least, will have to do some maneuvering in order to get off work. I expect my dad's sense of family obligation will ensure they attend, however. My dad jointly owns our house with my aunt, so I am not concerned about being evicted. He can be a pushover, but he won't let that happen. Or so he assures me. They will just have to wait -- probably a couple of years. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 What sad, sad lives they must lead. Sounds like they don't have anything better to do than to stir up trouble. People like that are toxic. Don't let them poison your memories of your sister. Their choice had nothing to do with her and everything to do with them and their, frankly, pathological need for attention. In contrast to what others have said, I wouldn't even dignify this outrage with a response. My guess is that that's what they really want - that keeps the focus on them, and lets them play "poor me" with their friends who don't know your side of the story. Do not rise to the bait. Ignore them, send a reasonable but not extravagant gift, and cut off all unnecessary contact until you can move, at which point I'd go completely and utterly no contact. No letters, no calls on anniversaries and birthdays and holidays, and certainly no presents. You have no obligation to keep these people in your life just because you happen to share the arbitrary ties of blood. And I'd encourage your parents to take the same approach, though of course you cannot make them do that. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinE Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 I would tell the cousin exactly what you said here - that it will be a wound to your mother, who will definitely be thinking about those missed experiences she can never have. Yes, beautifully said. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renthead Mommy Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 Okay, I get that they have a family history. But if the wedding is 6 hours away does that mean the bride is from/lives 6 hours away? Remember, venue availabity is often what sets the date for weddings. And March 7 is only 3 1/2 months away. With that short a planning time for something as big as wedding, their dates may have been seriously limited to get that venue or any really. Plus, especially if the bride lives there, or even if she is just traveling back and doing wedding planning with her friends/mom, thinking of your family history is probably not the the top thing on their list of things to remember. They are thinking venue, caterer, band, dresses and such. Especially if the groom to be was not standing there with them. You are justified in your thinking, but you may be reading more devious methods into than there really are. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
City Mouse Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 Decided to delete due to over sharing. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 I am so very sorry that the insensitivity of others has increased the pain for you and your family. (((Hugs))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ausmumof3 Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 I am so sorry for your families loss and that thoughtlessness of others is making it so much more difficult. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 You are justified in your thinking, but you may be reading more devious methods into than there really are. You might be right. Maybe she's really upset now, and in a day or so, when she's calmed down, she'll be all "Wow, I sure overreacted to that one!" But in my experience, when people attribute malice to people who are close to them - and she grew up with these cousins, and lives close to the family now - it's generally because those people have a history of malicious or, at the very least, thoughtless acts. This time might be the exception, but if it's just one more example on a whole list of self-centered things she can point to... it's probably not. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 :grouphug: I'm very sorry for the loss of your sister. in my experience/observation (and I may or may not be in the right ball-park), those who turn everything into something about themselves are sorely lacking in their own feelings of value and seeking reassurance they have value (their method makes things worse.). they are deeply insecure- no matter how 'well-adjusted' they otherwise might appear. (someone that insensitive to others, doesn't feel comfortable enough with themselves they can allow someone else to be the center of attention.) they talk about themselves, they place themselves in center stage, they one-up the bride, and even the new mom at her own baby shower (my sil with her own *favorite* daughter). some do it out of pettiness (if they aren't happy, then no one is allowed to be happy.), other's do it out of complete obliviousness. (due to their own desperation to feel valued.). the problem is: value only comes from within and what they are doing won't cultivate any within themselves. If you do decide to say something about the date: say it directly to the cousin *and his fiancée* (who probably didn't know) who chose the first Saturday in March. be gracious (no matter how you feel) and at least pretend they must have only chosen that date due to oversight. be gracious and allow them to say "oh, we thought we were honoring ___". um, no, it just rips the scabs off the wounds of our grief. (emphasize you *know* they would never deliberately do anything to give your family more pain over your sister's death. - no matter how much you may feel otherwise.) that allows them to change the date and save face. if they are resistant to changing the date (and to really rub it in - you can ask him if he really wants people to associate his wedding with someone who died young, by getting married on her birthday? hmm? even in this day and age, "some people" are superstitious, and might consider it a bad omen for the longevity of his future marriage. I personally know "some people" who would watch such a couple just waiting for some tragedy/divorce to befall them.) 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renthead Mommy Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 You might be right. Maybe she's really upset now, and in a day or so, when she's calmed down, she'll be all "Wow, I sure overreacted to that one!" But in my experience, when people attribute malice to people who are close to them - and she grew up with these cousins, and lives close to the family now - it's generally because those people have a history of malicious or, at the very least, thoughtless acts. This time might be the exception, but if it's just one more example on a whole list of self-centered things she can point to... it's probably not. No, you are correct, if it walks and quacks and all, but that is the grooms family. And while they may never have bothered to consider the sister's death date, I would still bet the date decision was made more by the bride and the venue. Based on the posted history, I would guess the groom didn't know (because it is outside of his world) or just didn't care enough to tell the bride. And not everyone thinks of dates the same. My father died 23 years ago today. It was around 8pm on a Wedensday night, 700 miles away. Every November I remember it is coming, I know about when it is, but unless I look it up, or my mother says something to me, I don't know the exact date. It's 10:38pm and honestly I don't know today's date. I have not had to write it down the past few days. So I just looked it up, it's Nov. 20th. But here's the thing, my dad didn't die Nov. 20, 1991. He died on a Wednesday night, while I was in the middle of working Wednesday night buffet at the Country Club I worked at. It was Wednesday, a week before Thanksgiving. But I probably won't ever think of it as Nov. 20. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aiden Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 I'm so sorry your cousin and his family are so insensitive (I'll leave it at that, though "insensitive" seems a pretty weak word for what they are). I agree with the others who are saying to tolerate them, being polite but distant, as long as you have to, then drop the relationship. These people are not healthy for you to be around. And I would take the suggestion above to speak directly with the bride and groom to explain why you will not be attending their wedding, and then don't go. If your father wishes to go, that's up to him, but it would be beyond disrespectful to his wife to insist that she go if she does not feel up to it--maybe if your father feels strongly about it, you can convince him to go as the representative of the family, while the rest of you justifiably boycott. In any case, depending on the history with the bride, I could see her not knowing the date is your sister's birthday, or accepting her fiance's statements that it's a way to honor her, but I would make sure she knows that isn't the case. (Of course, she could be just like her fiance, and if so, you may already know that.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rutamattatt Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 I'm so sorry for the loss of your sister. :grouphug: I cannot imagine how difficult that experience is, having not been through that personally, but I have to say I could not imagine sitting through a wedding on such an emotional day for you or your parents. I agree with previous posters - if their intention was to honor your sister in some way, that is a question to be asked of your family and not assumed by anyone else. Sending hugs. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto10blessings Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 Okay, I get that they have a family history. But if the wedding is 6 hours away does that mean the bride is from/lives 6 hours away? Remember, venue availabity is often what sets the date for weddings. And March 7 is only 3 1/2 months away. With that short a planning time for something as big as wedding, their dates may have been seriously limited to get that venue or any really. Plus, especially if the bride lives there, or even if she is just traveling back and doing wedding planning with her friends/mom, thinking of your family history is probably not the the top thing on their list of things to remember. They are thinking venue, caterer, band, dresses and such. Especially if the groom to be was not standing there with them. You are justified in your thinking, but you may be reading more devious methods into than there really are. This is exactly what I'm thinking. When I planned my wedding My husband was not at all involved. He just wasn't very interested in the details. I would not have known his cousin's birthday and could have very well chosen my wedding date to be on her birthday. I'm so sorry for the loss of your sister. These people don't sound like very nice people, but I'd give them the benefit of the doubt. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeachyDoodle Posted November 21, 2014 Author Share Posted November 21, 2014 I have met the fiancee exactly once. She seems like a very nice person. In fact, I feel a little sorry for her because I'm not sure she knows what she's getting into with these folks. Theirs has been a whirlwind romance and she just moved all the way across the country from the west coast to be with him a couple of months ago, after they'd only known each other online for a few weeks. They seem very much in love, and I genuinely wish them a long and happy marriage. I think in this case, it's the bride who is out of the loop, though. My cousin (and his mother, I expect) knows exactly what that date is. He is a control freak (see examples above), and there's no way he's not heavily involved in the planning. And besides, they (my cousin and probably his mother -- not necessarily the bride, who really doesn't know very many people here) are telling other people we know that they are getting married ON MY SISTER'S BIRTHDAY. Not the date -- ON her birthday. I do really believe, as some have suggested, that they think of this as a tribute to my sister. My complaint is that they unilaterally made this decision without a single thought as to how it might affect us, her immediate family, who have suffered her loss the greatest. THEY decided this would be a nice thing to do, without consulting anybody else. They did the same thing right after she died when they tried to co-opt our family vacation. I know they loved her. And she loved them. But until you've lost a sister (or, God forbid, a child) I don't think you can understand that it is NOT the same as losing a cousin. And now they will get all kinds of accolades for this wonderful tribute they are paying to her from outsiders, which is exactly what they want. And it makes me angry. I can survive this. Like I said, I just won't go. But my mother has been through enough. They shouldn't get to make these kinds of decisions for her when she is the one who has suffered so much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 And not everyone thinks of dates the same. This. my father died ON father's day - before I married. I noted it, but didn't much give it any mind. after having kids, I had to pay attention to it because my dh deserved attention on father's day. ;p otoh - dh has a particular painful anniversary that he makes a comment on every year. that was over 45 years ago. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 I'm so sorry. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 I have met the fiancee exactly once. She seems like a very nice person. In fact, I feel a little sorry for her because I'm not sure she knows what she's getting into with these folks. definitely feel sorry for her. if I knew my mil before I got married . . . . I'm not sure I would have married dh. (though she's still not nearly as bad as my grandmother. I have learned to appreciate her, but I also keep her at a distance.) drop hints about dealing with narcissists and boundaries. maybe even a boundaries book set as a shower gift . . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeachyDoodle Posted November 7, 2016 Author Share Posted November 7, 2016 UPDATE -- 11/6/2016: Thought I'd update here because, for obvious reasons, I have limited outlets for venting my frustrations. Will try to keep this short. This same cousin, now married (as noted, on my late sister's birthday last year) decided in April of this year that he wanted our house, NOW. The pressure that started last year when cousin got married intensified when his wife became pregnant. They were still living with his parents and wanted to move out -- and they HAD to have our house. My father, being his usual wishy-washy, peacemaker self, and tired of the constant conflict with them, decided it was time we complied. Long, long story short: DH and I had to drop our dreams of building our own home, put our vacant lot on the market, and scramble to find a house to buy. That deal fell through (due to factors not related to the crazy relatives), and we ended up moving in September into my parents' house, which was empty because they'd just moved themselves and hadn't sold their old home yet. In fact, my dad was using it as his company offices. So we are now living here, sharing the house with my dad's company, with most of our personal belongings in storage, until we are able to find another house. We lost some money on the deal that fell through and are trying to recoup that. There were a number of conflicts that went down from April-Sept, as we were in the process of trying to move out. I won't go into detail, but suffice it to say that it involved my cousin trespassing on our property on several occasions, literally tearing down the trees in our yard, and forcing us finally to involve the law. We suspect that he broke into our home while we were on vacation, but we can't prove it, so there was nothing to do about that. They were very unhappy that we weren't getting out faster, because, as we were reminded on multiple occasions, "Cousin's Wife is pregnant!!!" Apparently the Princess Who Was Promised trumps our own two children. Baby was born two weeks ago. A scheduled delivery. On our son's birthday. For anyone else, I would have assumed this was a freaky coincidence, but honestly, with these folks, I think it's possible they did it on purpose. I let it go though. I mean, really, how far-fetched is that? But then today we learned Baby's name. THEY USED MY SISTER'S NAME. I am beyond floored. I know that last year many of you strongly suggested that we move away and cut off all contact with these people. I assure you that we have done so. But somehow they STILL manage to get to us. I have instructed my parents and my other sister NOT to update us on them UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. As far as I am concerned, they are all dead. But it is impossible to avoid any news of them, as we know far too many people in common. And they are still finding ways to make my life miserable. Anyway, thanks for letting me vent (again). 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Yell Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 I am so so sorry. I wish for you a busy week filled with good things to occupy your mind and time. Hugs! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slache Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 I am so, so sorry. I hope they all suffer with horrible hangnails forever. Seriously though, I am sorry. This is ridiculous. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 What the heck?! That is so, so wrong. I'm sorry :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RioSamba Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 No wonder you are livid. I just prayed for a wonderful new home for your family. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILiveInFlipFlops Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 WOW! I remember reading your original post two years ago. I can't believe it all escalated so badly. I'm so sorry about all that you and your parents have been through due to these crazy people :grouphug: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 That is so sad, sick and disgusting I really feel so bad for you. I know it is no consolation, but they have no life at all, other than borrowing from yours, and it simply must be pathetic to never have your own ideas, about when to get married, where you would like to live, or what to name your children. How sad for them to be such hollow shells of humanity. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 Some people love to be the victim so much they will co-opt other people's misery. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UCF612 Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 Wow, I'm so sorry. What is wrong with some people!? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thessa516 Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 What the h-e-double hockey sticks? I'm so sorry. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 Some people love to be the victim so much they will co-opt other people's misery. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Rosie is spot on... :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arctic Bunny Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 Just wow. That is all seriously crazy. Speechless. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MeghansMom Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 Incredibly sorry :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idnib Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 Wow, what a bunch of jerks. I'm so sorry. Cutting contact was the best thing to do. There's something very wrong with these people. :grouphug: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 I am so sorry you are related to these malignant whackadoodles. My father, being his usual wishy-washy, peacemaker self, has now learned what happens when you go against a bulldozer with only a white flag. you get flattened. I hope your family respects your wishes to not hear anything about these people. but I wouldn't hold my breath. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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