Seasider Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 Say you have a pot luck at someone's home (I like the term "cooperative dinner" used by someone else in the other thread). The dinner is over. In my years growing up and participating in these as a young married person, when the meal was over, each person recovered her dish and took the leftovers home. DH is not from the south, and when we do dinners with his extended side, it seems like those who attend, following the meal, expect to divvy up the leftovers and have all the food taken home in batches. How do you do it? Do you expect to bring home a doggy bag from a cooperative dinner? I don't suppose it bothers me to share the food, I just was surprised the first time a hostess took my dish remains and started dishing out take home portions to others. Also, the one hosting and often providing the main meat/seafood courses, is somewhat expected to parcel out the leftovers, which seems rather unfair to me (freely offered is one thing - expected to give it all out seems different). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 For some reason, if at a family gathering people divvied up the leftovers, it wouldn't bother me. I'd go home with not just one kind of food, but a variety that would keep me from having to make at least one meal. My family would prefer that instead of me serving them a whole meal of leftover sweet potato casserole. Plus is shows people liked my offerings enough to want to have more of it. But at a potluck at church or something, it would bother me to find people taking stuff from my dish to take home and eat later. (Exceptions are made - like when a family member couldn't attend because of work or something. Bringing a plate home for that person would be encouraged) I would expect the host to put away for herself a larger portion of the meat if she wants. And maybe even a larger amount of all the leftovers since she probably went above an beyond to host the event and would really like some leftovers so she can relax for a day or two. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 I don't remember ever divvying up leftovers after Thanksgiving. They stay with the host family, but there are almost always overnight guests so they're gone within a day or two anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted November 7, 2014 Author Share Posted November 7, 2014 I am mostly talking about smaller home events - I don't even save my own leftovers from a church wide potluck since there usually comes a time when the little bored kids get into things while the older folks are chatting. As for the sharing, I don't mind it, I just didn't expect it, having not grown up that way. I am wondering what's common in others' experience. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 Growing up everyone just took their own remaining dish home. Once in awhile someone might ask to have some of it to take home and nobody had a problem with that. It really would not bother me either way though. Often times there really wasn't much left over though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 We divvy out leftovers from our family meals. We have some elderly family members who otherwise eat out for every meal (no longer cook but too proud for meals on wheels or to accept food from us). We also have some young singles who don't make elaborate spreads for themselves. I host Thanksgiving---and I recently picked up disposable take home containers from Costco in anticipation of sending leftovers home with everyone. I would think it extremely odd if someone took my leftovers home from a church event and a bit unusual from a dinner party. I would not be upset....I bring whatever I bring as a gift to the meal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted November 7, 2014 Author Share Posted November 7, 2014 Good points prairiewind! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ksr5377 Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 We do not divvy out leftovers unless they are offered by the person who brought them. I think I would be offended if someone just assumed that they could pass out food that belongs to me to other people. I realize that you bring it to share, but I feel it's just for that meal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cjzimmer1 Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 I agree with Annie, when it's family we divy it up usually because whoever brought X doesn't really want that much of it. My mom always make s a 25+ pound turkey so we have enough for lunch and supper that day but there is still more than 2 people will eat in a reasonable time as leftovers. But she puts away as much as she wants then the rest take what their group will use but leaving enough for others at the same time. I always appreciate the meat and stuffing because that will be my breakfast for the next few days. I tend to leave the leftovers of the salads, breads that I take because there usually isn't more than a small bowl or few pieces left and it's easier to let my mom and dad make a meal out of them than try to divide amongst my crew. But a public poltuck, yeah my leftovers are my leftovers unless I choose to abandon them (in a disposable dish of course). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OhanaBee Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 Growing up, there were really only two families at our T-day table. Ours and my Aunt's family. Plus Grandma ;-) My mom was in charge of the turkey, dressing, and the casserole, Aunt Ann was in charge of the dessert and vegetables. Grandma made the jello salad. Whoever was hosting that particular year got to provide the bread. Everyone made enough to send a bit home with everyone else. My mom usually fixed enough turkey for 20, even though there were just 9 of us. So I'm now in the habit of making a lot more food than is needed and sending a bit home with everyone else. Thanksgiving with the family is totally different than a regular dinner party or church dinner. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 Here in the North :) we usually just bring home what we came with. However, I have been to potlucks where people offer to share what is left of theirs with the others. They always ask though, and they don't seem to care if others decline. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 It really depends on the setting. My church congregation includes a lot of college students. They are definitely invited to troll the leftovers after a congregational meal. We keep extra ziplocks and such around to make it easier for them. I suppose if someone wanted their leftovers they could take their dish out to the car before that started. Most holiday meals seem to include the host asking people if they would like to take leftovers home. I'd never assume anyone's leftovers were free for the taking. If I'm at someone's house and there are leftovers of something I brought, I'd ask if they wanted them. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. I hate having food pushed on me. Even if it's something I would like, I might not have fridge space for it, or be able to eat it before it went bad. So I don't push food on other people. But since I have a lot of starving students in my life, it's not usually a problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 I would think it extremely odd if someone took my leftovers home from a church event and a bit unusual from a dinner party. I would not be upset....I bring whatever I bring as a gift to the meal. Yeah that would be odd, but then again I think I'd be flattered. I'd assume they really liked what I made! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 There is nothing consistent about how we do it. I usually offer the hostess to take what she wants of the dishes I brought and then offer any other guests. There is usually not a lot of food that is "leftover." My extended family loves my cooking, I guess. :D We do have one family member who rarely contributes to family dinners. Then she shows up late, after dinner has been served but not yet cleaned up. She "makes plates" for any of her immediate family that couldn't attend, plus leftovers. She says that since she RSVPd for X people and only Y people could make it, it is only right that she takes "their food" home. I don't care how much food she takes...but she will NOT take it home in my non-disposable dishes, containers, etc. I learned the hard way I'd never see them again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 TG involves mostly my own food, as the guests are children! LOL--okay, adult children. So the food stays here. We did have guests (friends) last year, and I think they brought, like, various whiskeys and cheese...so, no leftovers. (Totally kidding--yes, there was whiskey and cheese, but it was a tasting kinda thing for during the Cowboys game!) We did send other stuff home, but again, it was stuff I'd prepared. I do, however, go to a study every Monday evening, and the 9 of us have a potluck. People offer their leftovers to others, esp to the single guy who comes. (The comment was made last week that someone's casserole apparently wasn't very good, since even "Sam" didn't want a plate to take home...LOL!) We would ask each other if we wanted a bit to take home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 Back home, whatever dish is brought is left with the hostess. Nobody takes their leftovers home. It's like giving the hostess a bottle of wine - you don't pack that up after dinner either. Here, I find that people take home the leftovers of the dish they brought. It took me a while to get used to that. I have never been at a function where the leftovers are divided among people to take, but it makes a lot of sense - this way, everybody gets several components of a meal, instead of just a heap of one thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aiden Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 I grew up in the South. If asked, my family and church members would say that the assumption was that whoever brought the food would take home the leftovers. However, the unspoken expectation at family events, in particular, but also at smaller church events, was that if the person brought a lot (which everyone always does), so there's a lot left over (there is), that the person will look at the amount left, exclaim "Oh we won't eat all that! Who wants some?", and proceed to semi-force everyone present to take some home. Singles and sick or elderly people get double portions, as do families where one of the members is known to particularly love a certain dish. It's a complicated little social dance that no one really leads but to which everyone knows the steps ;) Usually everyone ends up leaving with their own container, some of their own food, and some food brought by others. The host always has plastic bags, throwaway containers, or paper/plastic plates and foil for this sharing of the leftovers--but no one ever plans to have those things on hand specifically for this dance; they're just always on hand. Occasionally you do get someone who doesn't know the dance, or who for some reason wants to take home all their own leftovers, and I'm pretty sure no one thinks badly of them. It's never discussed--nothing related to this dance is ever discussed; it's just part of the culture. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 In my husband's family everyone usually takes home what they brought. We usually get together at his aunt's or grandmother's house. I don't mind to leave my food with the hostess but usually there is so much leftover food it won't get eaten. If I notice that someone really liked a particular dish, I'll leave a portion for them. My MIL will frequently send her leftovers home with us because she usually fixed the food with my husband in mind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 At a cooperative family or friends gathering it ia assumed that all leftovers stay with the host family. You bring your empty dish home. If there are a lot of leftovers the host will usually offer/insist it is more then will be eaten and everyone should divvy up the leftovers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 I grew up in the South. If asked, my family and church members would say that the assumption was that whoever brought the food would take home the leftovers. However, the unspoken expectation at family events, in particular, but also at smaller church events, was that if the person brought a lot (which everyone always does), so there's a lot left over (there is), that the person will look at the amount left, exclaim "Oh we won't eat all that! Who wants some?", and proceed to semi-force everyone present to take some home. Singles and sick or elderly people get double portions, as do families where one of the members is known to particularly love a certain dish. It's a complicated little social dance that no one really leads but to which everyone knows the steps ;) Usually everyone ends up leaving with their own container, some of their own food, and some food brought by others. The host always has plastic bags, throwaway containers, or paper/plastic plates and foil for this sharing of the leftovers--but no one ever plans to have those things on hand specifically for this dance; they're just always on hand. Occasionally you do get someone who doesn't know the dance, or who for some reason wants to take home all their own leftovers, and I'm pretty sure no one thinks badly of them. It's never discussed--nothing related to this dance is ever discussed; it's just part of the culture. I grew up in the South and am back there now Some of this is: When you are making food for a potluck, you don't want there to NOT be enough. The worst thing at a potluck is to run out. But then... you end up with tons of leftovers. Many times too much. Some families don't really prefer leftovers. But you also don't want to see them thrown out. You'd rather see them eaten and enjoyed. So you trade some of your leftovers with other people for THEIR leftovers. You scheme to make sure certain folk (who don't cook/have difficulty cooking) have enough home-cooked food to tide them over. And your family rebels less at having to eat 1 or 2 meals of leftovers than a whole week's worth! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 I'm in the South.............. it varies......... When in someone's home, usually, I leave the leftovers with the host, as do most people, from what I've seen. However, sometimes the host offers to divvy up leftovers, which is graciously accepted. It's not the norm to take your leftovers home, definitely the norm to leave with the host. However, I will add that it is pretty rare to bring something other than wine, as usually the host provides the meal, just like I provide the meal if I'm hosting. Maybe bring dessert, as the offer for that might be accepted, but not parts of the meal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 Growing up this was moot. Thanksgiving was usually just my immediate family and maybe some church friends or the priest. As an adult with a group of friends who share the holiday, we have become divvy people. No one wants or can eat all the leftovers. Everyone would prefer a little of each thing. It's a win-win. When I have bought the turkey, I don't see it as a generosity to let people take some of the leftovers. I view it as a favor to me so that I'm not eating it for several weeks. A little of everything is preferable to a lot of only what I prepared. And please for the love of all things, don't leave it all at my house. I wouldn't ask a host to do it that way, but it's the norm in my circle and I wouldn't need to ask. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mbelle Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 That might his personal family culture. I'm from the South too. At large potlucks we just take home our dish and any remaining food. If we go to someone's house for a smaller gathering we leave the food/drink at the host home, unless they "insist" we take it home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 Back home, whatever dish is brought is left with the hostess. Nobody takes their leftovers home. It's like giving the hostess a bottle of wine - you don't pack that up after dinner either. Here, I find that people take home the leftovers of the dish they brought. It took me a while to get used to that. I have never been at a function where the leftovers are divided among people to take, but it makes a lot of sense - this way, everybody gets several components of a meal, instead of just a heap of one thing. For regular meals, we leave it all with the hosts. But on thanksgiving, it would be almost unkind to leave anyone person with all the leftovers! Let's hope they have a big fridge and aren't on a diet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto10blessings Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 We divide and conquer. Everyone brings more food for extra leftovers. Is there anything better than thanksgiving leftovers? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulycrabby Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 I am from the south, take food in a disposable dish, and it is my gift to the hostess. If she is determined to send it home with me, fine, but I do not expect to take it when I leave. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Buckin' Longhorn Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 I'm in the south. Texas. When my family has foody get togethers, everyone usually brings some Tupperware/storage containers with them. After the meal, everyone takes home a little bit of everything that way we all get the day off from cooking the next day or so. I don't want to bring home a whole bunch of just what I made. Boring. We have a few complicated family dishes that only get enjoyed once or twice a year. I want some of those! I want to bring home a meal. This is how it has always been. I haven't always lived in the south, but I am from the south, so that tradition has been going on in my family as long as I can remember. That's how we did it at my grandparents' house, and that's how we do it now whether I'm hosting or anyone else in the family hosts. We always remind everyone to bring their Tupperware for leftovers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 For some reason, if at a family gathering people divvied up the leftovers, it wouldn't bother me. I'd go home with not just one kind of food, but a variety that would keep me from having to make at least one meal. My family would prefer that instead of me serving them a whole meal of leftover sweet potato casserole. Plus is shows people liked my offerings enough to want to have more of it. But at a potluck at church or something, it would bother me to find people taking stuff from my dish to take home and eat later. (Exceptions are made - like when a family member couldn't attend because of work or something. Bringing a plate home for that person would be encouraged) I would expect the host to put away for herself a larger portion of the meat if she wants. And maybe even a larger amount of all the leftovers since she probably went above an beyond to host the event and would really like some leftovers so she can relax for a day or two. I agree with this. Although at our family gatherings, we generally bring home what we brought. I host Thanksgiving, which is an all day affair, I buy the disposables and when I'm cleaning up, I'll put the leftovers in a container and put it in the fridge and wash the serving dish. So, the person can go home with their leftovers and a clean plate. Usually there is very little to take home, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 For some reason, if at a family gathering people divvied up the leftovers, it wouldn't bother me. I'd go home with not just one kind of food, but a variety that would keep me from having to make at least one meal. My family would prefer that instead of me serving them a whole meal of leftover sweet potato casserole. Plus is shows people liked my offerings enough to want to have more of it. But at a potluck at church or something, it would bother me to find people taking stuff from my dish to take home and eat later. (Exceptions are made - like when a family member couldn't attend because of work or something. Bringing a plate home for that person would be encouraged) I would expect the host to put away for herself a larger portion of the meat if she wants. And maybe even a larger amount of all the leftovers since she probably went above an beyond to host the event and would really like some leftovers so she can relax for a day or two. I agree with this. As a frequent hostess whose family has a limited tolerance for leftovers, I like to split up the meal so that my guests can have another meal from the event. Who wants to eat just stuffing the next day? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loowit Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 We don't often have a lot of leftovers. My mom and MIL tend to send a bit of everything she made for the main meal (turkey, potatoes, gravy, etc) home with people. I usually bring desserts and they are always gone, and in the unlikely event they aren't I try to get rid of as much as I can because we don't need all the sweets at home. Any other type of potluck type meal everyone just takes their dish home at the end with whatever leftovers. If someone wants leftovers they usually ask before just taking them if someone else brought it. However, in the last several years I have avoided potluck type situations because of my youngest's severe food allergies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 It never occured to me that the food I bring to a potluck is still "mine". Once I bring it, it is up for grabs, that's why I brought it. I love it when everyone takes a little of everything home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 In my settings, if things are cozy enough that 'everybody does the dishes' after a meal, things get divvied. If not, then you take home your own. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shawthorne44 Posted November 7, 2014 Share Posted November 7, 2014 In my settings, if things are cozy enough that 'everybody does the dishes' after a meal, things get divvied. If not, then you take home your own. I was trying to figure where the line is, and this is it. It has always seemed more practical and less work to take home your own dish. If you left it with the hostess then you'd have to get your dish back later, or bring your food in an ugly disposable. But, if I'm at my parent's house, for example, my dish will be washed long before I go home so I might as well take home a variety. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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