Do you think skull accessories are inappropriate for a young child?

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

I've never had to think too much about this before, and it never occurred to me that I'd feel this way, but I'm really torn on this.

 

My DD9 wants a very visible accessory with large sugar skulls on it. It's a beautiful design, but I feel a little weird about co-opting another culture's religious symbols as a fashion statement, and I also feel like it's a little gruesome for a little girl to be wearing skulls, especially when she'll be around other young children. Am I overthinking this? WWYD? 

 

Note: In case it matters, we are not religious, and the majority of the children she'll be around are not religious, or are more spiritual than religious. 

 

 

[Guest inoubliable]

Am I overthinking this? WWYD? 

 

Note: In case it matters, we are not religious, and the majority of the children she'll be around are not religious, or are more spiritual than religious. 

 

Yes. 

I'd let her.

 

Then what does it truly matter? 

 

Skulls on designs has been around a long time. It's no longer a cultural/religious theme. My kids have had skulls on bedspreads, shirts, pillows, binders, key rings, etc. It's everywhere!

[Slartibartfast]

Our Becco baby carrier had rainbow colored skulls on it so I guess not.

[Lolly]

One of my girls went through a skull stage. As long as they weren't gory, I didn't say anything. She outgrew it. But, she still loves her skull electric guitar (and I found it to be a little scary)!

[KarenC]

Well I must be missing something.  What religion has skulls as a religious symbol?

[Slartibartfast]

Well I must be missing something.  What religion has skulls as a religious symbol?

Dia de los Muertos or Day of the Dead is a Mexican holiday featuring skulls.

[Mom-ninja.]

They are religious symbols? 

 

 

I have no issue with skulls. 

[bolt.]

I hesitate to allow them for my kids, and will probably continue to avoid them. They are not something that is within my "tastes" for clothing my kids.

 

However, I don't carry this issue of "taste" so far as to think of skulls as "inappropriate" when I see them on others.

 

(Thinking further: they don't bother me on Halloween themed t-shirts, or as part of the pirate symbol.)

[KarenC]

Dia de los Muertos or Day of the Dead is a Mexican holiday featuring skulls.

Yes, but are they religious symbols?

[Guest]

I have no issue with skulls, and I am what you would probably consider "religious".

[Mom-ninja.]

Dia de los Muertos or Day of the Dead is a Mexican holiday featuring skulls.

I know. We just did a small unit study on it and made sugar skulls. We did it this month because August was the original holiday. I guess in a way it could be considered religious since it honors deceased relatives. 

[jeninok]

One of the girls in our circle of friends wears actual animal parts skulls as hair clips or bits of them as jewelry. It is pretty neat, very Prairie Gothic.

At 9 she is probably starting to experiment with style and identity and self expression. We encourage that, as long as it isn't profane and important bits are covered.

(No you can not have the shirt with Willie Nelson Flipping the Bird, Yes! You can dye your hair purple!)

[Ellie]

No, and it isn't about "co-opting" others' religions. I just think it's tacky and not age-appropriate (although I'm not sure for what age it would be appropriate, but certainly not for a 9yo).

[shukriyya]

Well I must be missing something.  What religion has skulls as a religious symbol?

 

Yes, but are they religious symbols?

 

Many ritual paintings from the Tibetan buddhist and Hindu traditions include skulls. Some of the main deities are clothed in garlands of skulls and bone skirts...

 

 

 

The kapala, or skull cup, figures prominently in some of the more esoteric ceremonies though these days it is usually a facsimile rather than the real thing.

[Happy]

We had a standing rule in our house...if you buy clothing or accessories with skulls on them, don't get mad when Mom throws them out.

 

;)

 

For me, for our family, we did not feel skulls were appropriate. Personal opinion that does not apply to other people outside our family.

 

Both of my guys are in their 20s now. While on a family vacation this summer, both were joking about mom throwing out skull decorated things so I don't think it scarred them for life. To be honest, I may have thrown out ONE teeshirt. One....but that convinced them not to buy others in the first place.

 

 

 

[PeacefulChaos]

Do I think they are inappropriate?

Nope.  All my kids have had skull stuff.  

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

I know. We just did a small unit study on it and made sugar skulls. We did it this month because August was the original holiday. I guess in a way it could be considered religious since it honors deceased relatives. 

 

Yes, this is more what I was getting at, though I couldn't put it into words succinctly enough. It just makes me a little uncomfortable because it's a symbol of grief and remembering one's ancestors. I did a little more reading, though, and it seems to be more of a festive symbol than I realized, so I think it's fine. 

 

I went ahead and ordered the backpack. It's really lovely, and I kind of want one for myself :lol: 

 

Thanks everyone!

[Ali in OR]

Skulls just mean death to me--not a focus I want for any minor. I don't consider it a really big deal--one dd was given a bathrobe with skulls on it from a relative for Christmas and it's still around. But I would have picked a different pattern for her myself. Youngest dd's soccer cleats have a skull and crossbones, but the style name is hypervenom so the poison symbol seems completely appropriate to me.

[gardenmom5]

I wouldn't. 

 

kids don't always understand the symbolism of something.  It is our job as a parent to explain things to our kids.

 

  I recall a t-shirt ds wanted . . . . I asked me if he knew what the saying on the front meant. 'uh, no'.  I told him.  he turned red - and promptly put it back.  I had a shirt when I was in high school - I didn't understand the symbolism behind it, and am VERY SORRY no one told me. (I got a lot of flack for it from other students.  much of it behind my back, until some took it to my face. - which was worse.)  I thought it was just a pretty shirt. uh, no.  it wasn't.

[Catwoman]

I don't think of skulls as being particularly symbolic to the average person. I think of them as a common theme on boys' clothing or as a standard Halloween decoration. I used to pick out skull stuff for my ds because I thought some of it was pretty cool, but he didn't like skulls.

 

Oh well.

 

But I wouldn't over-think this. If your dd really likes skulls, I don't see it as a big deal. She's not going to get obsessed with death or start mulling over the spiritual connotations of the skull in history.

 

It's just a little phase she's going through, and if you don't make a big deal out of it, she won't either. :)

[lynn]

I believe my dd would not mind having a shirt with a non-gory, cute skull, I've seen some but personally I just don't feel it to be age appropriate and she has not brought it up.  If she really wanted something with a skull on it I would probably limit it to play and not school.   Clear as mud huh?   Go with what you feel best for your child.  If you're okay with it let her wear it.

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

It's just a little phase she's going through, and if you don't make a big deal out of it, she won't either. :)

 

It's not even really a phase, I think. She just happened to like this one backpack and didn't see anything else she liked when we were shopping online. Either way, I'm fine. We don't tend to be too concerned about stuff like this, but she'll mainly be using it when she goes to the couple of outside classes/groups she'll be participating in this year, so I wanted to make sure it wouldn't be too offensive or inappropriate. I'll trust that it's not. I still think it might be a little gruesome, but I'll keep that to myself :tongue_smilie:  

[Alessandra]

No, and it isn't about "co-opting" others' religions. I just think it's tacky and not age-appropriate (although I'm not sure for what age it would be appropriate, but certainly not for a 9yo).

Yes, terribly bad taste, for any age. JMHO.

[Tangerine]

My 9 yo DD collects actual skulls. And horns. And taxidermy. She must be beyond tacky and inappropriate, and straight into macabre and disturbed.

[*Lulu*]

My 9 yo DD collects actual skulls. And horns. And taxidermy. She must be beyond tacky and inappropriate, and straight into macabre and disturbed.

Punk finds gecko skeletons from time to time. When I cringe he gives me a reproachful look and says, "this is what science looks like mom".

 

Sister is right in the middle of it with him.

 

If the girly skulls are the most inappropriate thing my daughter shows interest in I will consider that a major victory!

[Firefly]

They don't bother me.  It's WWE and Disney-themed clothing and accessories that I find horrifying. ;)

[Above The Rowan]

Definitely not inappropriate in my home. We have skully stuff as decor around our house, my kids love skulls on their clothing and same with my partner and I.

[zoobie]

They're popular right now. If the clothing fits her nicely and she's happy, I wouldn't pick that battle. They don't bother me at all though, and I wouldn't consider them a religious symbol.

[countrygal]

I don't like skulls. To me, they are like celebrating the dead or death in general. I feel like it's a subtle way of desensitizing youth to death and gore (but not in a good way, like talking about a dying relative would be, if that makes sense.) Obviously there are other opinions. I don't judge other people or kids who like them or wear them because it is a fashion fad and most people don't think into it as much as me. I just don't allow my children to have things with skulls on it. I have purposely not bought things because of skulls (like a bike and clothing.) Maybe I just find it creepy!

[SproutMamaK]

I don't like them just because after 3 boys I prefer my girl in cutesy ruffly stuff, lol. Not my style, but I don't think "inappropriate" is a word I would use for them (outside of situations like funerals, etc).

[Amira]

I'm thinking that some of you wouldn't like to visit my house where we have a number of skulls that we've picked up around Mexico, including one that hangs on the Christmas tree. We picked up this shirt when we were in the US last time and I love it.

 

No style or design is right for everyone, and I think it's fine to ban something, but I love the symbolism behind the skulls here in Mexico and their ties to pre-Columbian Mesoamerica.

 

[Dory]

My youngest has a fascination with biology and that include skulls of anything right now. I hesitate to allow it on clothes just because of where we live and who he hangs out around because I know it would make some people uncomfortable. At home though, he is welcome to enjoy his skulls, heart models, eye models, anatomy colouring books, and whatever else is on that list right now.

[unsinkable]

I passed on all clothing decorated with skulls except for one T-shirt. My son needed a dark green shirt for a street hockey tourney and that shirt was the only one I could find at the time.

 

It seems like the Tony Hawk line of clothes from Target had lots of skulls on the clothing for a few years.

[Katy]

I think it depends.  I wouldn't let my kids wear them, but I did think Ikea's x-ray skeleton bedding for a science themed boy's room was so cute I'm thinking of buying them. And a family friend dressed their infant boy in this punk-rock look outfit with a skull on it I thought was adorable.  The same look scaled up to fit a snotty 14 year old would be scary, not cute.

 

At the age of 9, and for a girl, unless it was a design that I felt was particularly repulsive I would probably voice my concerns, state where I wouldn't allow her to wear it, and let her decide.  But then we give them an allowance and make them buy their own clothes starting at age 8.

[TechWife]

Yes, I do. I think they are inappropriate for people of any age.

[LostSurprise]

It depends. 

 

I have one child who's always been drawn to darkness. I minimized things like human skulls (other skulls are fine) early for him. We don't participate in scaring others or the macabre delight in death. 

 

I'm also really into anatomy, including skulls, and I probably get so excited when the kids are curious about that stuff that bones have lost their rebel-without-a-cause/Hell's Angels/laugh-in-the-face-of-death coolness. Like war, there's a very human story to the whole thing, which I don't want minimized and turned into a mascot for some cause (freedom, machismo). 

 

So, to recap, I like bones, but I don't like to minimize or 'cutify' them. I like realistic bones. I also think some children tend to be more macabre and less empathetic so it's perfectly okay to control the presentation and use of symbols like this until their character is more fully formed...if you think that will help their development. Clear as mud?  :)  

 

Oh, and whether you like or allow cutesy skulls or not is kind of a personal thing. It's a playful mixture of hard and soft, but like tattoos people have different gut reactions to it. 

[Carrie12345]

We are skull fans here.  My babies had flaming skull grocery cart covers, and skull printed diapers. :001_smile:

My 7yo got a skull covered lunch bag for co-op this year.

I don't see anything wrong with it.

[SJ.]

I see no problem with it.  The only thing it really brings to mind is pirates and punk rock.  Truly I see nothing sinister, macabre, nor disrespectful in it.  There are definitely bigger things you could be worrying about in regards to clothing.  I think this is an instance of picking your battles.

 

On another note, I found this:

[KarenNC]

One of the girls in our circle of friends wears actual animal parts skulls as hair clips or bits of them as jewelry. It is pretty neat, very Prairie Gothic.

At 9 she is probably starting to experiment with style and identity and self expression. We encourage that, as long as it isn't profane and important bits are covered.

(No you can not have the shirt with Willie Nelson Flipping the Bird, Yes! You can dye your hair purple!)

 

Can you point me to some links about Prairie Gothic as a style? I'm intrigued but not having much luck with my googlefu on this one. :)

 

My daughter has had skull-themed clothes and accessories for years. Skelanimals were her favorites for a while, Monster High dolls, "Nightmare Before Christmas" was a favorite movie at age 5, etc. She's always been into Halloween and had a taste for the macabre (but also empathetic, I don't see them as mutually exclusive--my husband is the same way), and I often shopped for her Yule presents and stocking stuffers at the after Halloween sales. :)  She wanted to do a lot of dressing fairly goth around 9 or 10, but moved on as she got older.

[Mrs Mungo]

I never had a problem with my kids wearing skull stuff. I wouldn't like anything actually gory, but I don't think a skull (in and of itself) is gory.

 

ETA: There are lots of skull designs on threadless. Most of them that I wouldn't really think twice about. There are a few that I think are too graphic or gory. I definitely wouldn't consider a sugar skull too graphic or gory. Obviously, it's a matter of personal taste for some people. I think PLENTY of things are tacky that other people wear, LOL. I think associating those things I think are tacky with poor character traits would be BEYOND rude, judgmental and presumptuous. 

 

https://www.threadless.com/catalog/?keyword=skull

[KarenNC]

I think it depends.  I wouldn't let my kids wear them, but I did think Ikea's x-ray skeleton bedding for a science themed boy's room was so cute I'm thinking of buying them. And a family friend dressed their infant boy in this punk-rock look outfit with a skull on it I thought was adorable.  The same look scaled up to fit a snotty 14 year old would be scary, not cute.

 

I just bought the skeleton duvet cover for my 14 yo (non-snotty ;) ) daughter last week. She's thrilled! We were both disappointed that the pillow case didn't have a skull on it, however.

[Happy]

It depends. 

 

I have one child who's always been drawn to darkness. I minimized things like human skulls (other skulls are fine) early for him. We don't participate in scaring others or the macabre delight in death. 

 

I'm also really into anatomy, including skulls, and I probably get so excited when the kids are curious about that stuff that bones have lost their rebel-without-a-cause/Hell's Angels/laugh-in-the-face-of-death coolness. Like war, there's a very human story to the whole thing, which I don't want minimized and turned into a mascot for some cause (freedom, machismo). 

 

So, to recap, I like bones, but I don't like to minimize or 'cutify' them. I like realistic bones. I also think some children tend to be more macabre and less empathetic so it's perfectly okay to control the presentation and use of symbols like this until their character is more fully formed...if you think that will help their development. Clear as mud?   :)

 

Oh, and whether you like or allow cutesy skulls or not is kind of a personal thing. It's a playful mixture of hard and soft, but like tattoos people have different gut reactions to it. 

 

Yes, this. We had a son drawn to darkness. IT was hard to bring balance to his life and brain chemistry on a regular day.

 

I would happily embrace skulls and bones in a biology or science way, but not a dark fashion way. That encouraged all the wrong things in his life--especially as a young teen.

[KarenNC]

I'm thinking that some of you wouldn't like to visit my house where we have a number of skulls that we've picked up around Mexico, including one that hangs on the Christmas tree. We picked up this shirt when we were in the US last time and I love it.

 

No style or design is right for everyone, and I think it's fine to ban something, but I love the symbolism behind the skulls here in Mexico and their ties to pre-Columbian Mesoamerica.

 

OK, need to get that shirt. :) The question is whether I could resist taking fabric paint to it.......

[chocolatechip]

Yes, I think so. That's my take.

[jar7709]

My 9 yo DD collects actual skulls. And horns. And taxidermy. She must be beyond tacky and inappropriate, and straight into macabre and disturbed.

Mine too. Except that she's not quite 8. On more than one occasion she's had to go straight from ballet class to the dissection night at the local university museum. Other times she wears skull and skeleton shirts to play dates. I thought she was being true to herself and maybe prepping herself for a future career as biologist or something. Learn something new every day.

[Slartibartfast]

Yes, but are they religious symbols?

It is religious and involves prayer to those who have passed away. That is specific skulls though, not any skull. The sugar skulls mentioned in the OP *are* a part of the Day of the Dead observations. I don't think that I would allow my child to use it as a fashion accessory if it didn't mean anything to us.

 

http://www.mexicansugarskull.com/support/dodhistory.html

 

It coincides with All Souls Day or All Saints day and is a mesh of Catholicism and their own native traditions.

 

I wouldn't consider just any skull to be cultural appropriation.

 

Not all cultures see skulls as gruesome.

[Momling]

Although I always thought of myself as fairly laid back about what people wear... it turns out I'm actually incredibly picky about kids clothes.   For my own kids, I've always liked classic looking kids clothes with stripes and solids and cute flower prints and polka dots and animals... but then with foster kids, I've gotten especially picky since they seem to arrive with trash-bags full of clothes that just make me cringe.  How can I keep the violent/gun/hunting oriented clothes (rifle targets, camo, "I heart guns", skulls, NRA, duck dynasty) for a little boy who struggles with aggression and has an obsession with violence? Or how can I dress a little girl who has been sexually abused in an off-the-shoulder, midriff t-shirt that says "hot stuff" or in a mini skirt or a bikini?  Or how can I dress any kid in something stained or poorly made or ill-fitting or something that just looks kind of trashy or like we don't care?  And so I pack those things up in boxes in the basement and supply the kids with cute kid-friendly clothes instead.

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

Well my boys bought me a wonderful hello kitty skull purse when they were younger.

 

 

They personally have had various clothing items with skulls since they were small.

 

I see no issue with it.

[*Lulu*]

I passed on all clothing decorated with skulls except for one T-shirt. My son needed a dark green shirt for a street hockey tourney and that shirt was the only one I could find at the time.

 

It seems like the Tony Hawk line of clothes from Target had lots of skulls on the clothing for a few years.

I have to say I've seen more boys' clothing with skulls that I didn't care for/seemed more gory than I've seen girls'.

 

Most of the skull clothing I've rejected over the years was because the make was bad, the color was yuck, etc. than because there was a skull on it.

[KarenNC]

It's not even really a phase, I think. She just happened to like this one backpack and didn't see anything else she liked when we were shopping online. Either way, I'm fine. We don't tend to be too concerned about stuff like this, but she'll mainly be using it when she goes to the couple of outside classes/groups she'll be participating in this year, so I wanted to make sure it wouldn't be too offensive or inappropriate. I'll trust that it's not. I still think it might be a little gruesome, but I'll keep that to myself :tongue_smilie:  

 

I think it's really mostly a matter of the culture of the outside classes. I had no problem with my daughter (then 11) using her pink glittery skull backpack at our inclusive group's co-op, going to one set of grandparents, general use, etc, and no-one else did that I know of, in fact she got compliments. I did request that she use an alternative in situations where we knew it was likely to cause distress--at the other set of grandparents who would have been bothered by it and in the one class where the teacher was a very conservative Christian. There's a difference between expressing one's sense of style and being rude.