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JAWM tired of the disappointments

8circles

By 8circles,
in The Chat Board

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8circles

8circles

Posted
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I don't know if anyone remembers, but I'm going through some major crap with my parents. In large part involving their enabling of my mentally ill sister. I'm trying to not completely cut them out for my kids' sakes. My kids miss them a lot. So I made a point of inviting my dad to join us at a museum and staying the other weekend, joining us at church to hear my kids playing the piano during the service. I knew my mom was going to visit my sister who recently moved out of their house - it just so happened it was the only weekend it would work otherwise I would have invited them both. It isn't easy for me to reach out - I don't personally want anything to do with them right now, but my kids miss them. So I called to invite him, only to be told that he can't come because they only have one car (that my mom will be using) because they gave the other one to my sister.

 

I don't even know if what I typed makes sense. Please dont nit-pick. I'm just so tired of being disappointed.

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Ripley

Ripley

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:grouphug:

 

I have a sister who is needier than the rest of us; she has always been, and has taken so much of our parent's time, energy, and resources.  It's been hard for all of us, but one of my sisters has an especially rough time with it. She struggles with trying to be a "good" daughter and do the right thing by our family, but being met with constant rejection because the needier sister's needs always win out really does wear on her.

 

I'm sorry you're being met with that same type of disappointment. If they don't already, I hope one day your kids appreciate your selflessness in ensuring they maintained a relationship with people who put extra wear and tear on  your emotions.

 

 

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Desert Rat

Desert Rat

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As the sibling of a person who gets way more help from parents than I am afforded, I get it and I understand. 

Big hugs. :(  It's a very hard place to be in emotionally. I always felt like second best. It has gotten better but only because my brother got his act together and is doing much, much better. There's always hope! 

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8circles

8circles

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Unfortunately my sister is a narcissist who is now showing signs of schizophrenia. Hope is on another planet.

 

As the sibling of a person who gets way more help from parents than I am afforded, I get it and I understand.

 

Big hugs. :( It's a very hard place to be in emotionally. I always felt like second best. It has gotten better but only because my brother got his act together and is doing much, much better. There's always hope!

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catz

catz

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I'm sorry.  I have an adult brother who's been saved and enabled by my parents a number of times.  It's so frustrating.  I try to remind myself what it might feel like if one of my kids has struggles as an adult and how difficult it might be to navigate that.  It has made me mad, sad, and frustrated many times.  :grouphug:

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Plink

Plink

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((hugs))

 

As the parent of a child who needs an extraordinary amount of help to simply function daily, I am so happy that you posted this.  It can be easy to unintentionally ignore my less demanding kids in an effort to keep the needy one from extreme negative (over)reactions.  It isn't fair to always bend her direction, but it seems cruel to ignore her obvious distress.  Being a mom isn't easy.

 

--> Off to go create a day of fun for my NT kids that will probably be miserable for my SN kid.  This is long overdue.

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marbel

marbel

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:grouphug: :grouphug:     Different circumstances but parent/grandparent disappointments abound here.  I have a sibling who was overly dependent on our mother when she was alive.   It caused a lot of heartache.  Now with my inlaws the problems are different but they still hurt.  :grouphug: :grouphug:

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Cera

Cera

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((hugs))

 

As the parent of a child who needs an extraordinary amount of help to simply function daily, I am so happy that you posted this.  It can be easy to unintentionally ignore my less demanding kids in an effort to keep the needy one from extreme negative (over)reactions.  It isn't fair to always bend her direction, but it seems cruel to ignore her obvious distress.  Being a mom isn't easy.

 

--> Off to go create a day of fun for my NT kids that will probably be miserable for my SN kid.  This is long overdue.

 

It is great that you are doing that for your NT kids.  

 

Just a side note though, A SN kid is a very different situation than an NT kid that is lazy and unmotivated.  My extended family has both.  Nobody resents the SN kid (now in his 30's).  He simply needs more to achieve the same as the rest of us.  Everybody resents the lazy NT kid (again, in her 30's) who believes the world should be handed to her.  She doesn't need more than everyone else, she simply wants it, without any effort.  

 

She has no family relationships anymore and when the enabler is gone (our grandmother) who knows what will happen to her.  She doesn't have a single aunt/uncle/cousin that wants anything to do with her.

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