Tranquility7 Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 Recently I have met two grandmas (I'll call them GM-A and GM-B ) in our neighborhood out walking with their preschool grandchildren whom they keep during the day. Their kids are the same age, a tad younger than my DD. We are new to the neighborhood and I was friendly and over the course of our meeting mentioned coming over to play. Both indicated interest, although GM-B said she would need to ask her DD (I'll call her GM-B-DD) (her GDD's mother). So we exchanged info. GM-B-DD called me and we chatted and got along very well (some good things in common). Problem is, I sent out the email this week to set it up (per their request, email went to GM-A and GM-B-DD, not GM-B ) but the response I got back is that GM-A is coming and GM-B-DD's *DH* is coming! GM-B-DD had mentioned this possibility in passing on the phone and I was kind of taken aback and responded in some kind of vague way (can't exactly remember how), hoping that really it would just end up being GM-B! But now here we are and it is me, GM-A, and GM-B-DD's DH! Honestly this feels really awkward to me, and to my DH. I guess I don't mind if he comes the first time (can't fault them for wanting to see the environment and get to know us a little before they let GM-B bring the kids over), but I'm worried this will be the regular plan. He works out of their house and apparently has quite a flexible schedule (not flexible enough to keep his kids all the time, but enough to go to a playdate in the middle of the morning). WWYD? I was really hoping to get to know GM-B (nice to know neighbors since we are new to the neighborhood, and GM-B-DD's family lives elsewhere in town). But I'm wondering if she is shy or something (she seemed a bit shy when we were talking (although friendly), and though she has lived here for 30+ years I couldn't tell how comfortable she is with English... but she is from a part of the world near where I lived as a child (as an expat) and I would enjoy getting to know her more). I don't want to make GM-B-DD's DH feel unwelcome, but... well... past the first play date, he kind of is! That sounds terrible. It's obviously nothing personal (I've never even met the guy), but a man changes the whole dynamic of the play date, and it's just not what I have in mind. So what do I do? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristusG Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 It would be awkward for me too. I'm already a shy, introverted person....if I was inviting grandma and ended up with dad, I'd be a little thrown off. I wouldn't be sure what to do about the situation though! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 I dunno. There are more and more SAHDs. There are more people working flex jobs so both parents can be involved with kids. So, this is something that is just getting common. 20 years ago, my BIL was the parent who attended the weekly toddler playgroup in his neighborhood (hosted at rotating homes). BIL, 20 years later, is fulltime working as a psychiatric nurse practitioner. SAHD was a stage and it made sense based his career and SILs career at the time. That said, BIL and SIL still wanted their dc connected to neighborhood friends. So, BIL did all the playgroup/playdate stuff. I wouldn't feel that awkward. I probably have a different perspective. I am not hugely comfortable with groups of women--they just seem to devolve into junior high behavior no matter what age. I find men easier to interact with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 Why does it change the dynamics of the play date. Kids still get to play and you can talk to 2 adults. Why does him being a man matter? If you had a problem with it you should have mentioned it when his wife brought up the fact that her dh might be there. I would say you can either suck it up or be honest that you just want the playdate to get to know the women and don't want dh there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joshin Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 I guess I don't understand. Is the play date for your child or for you? Why is a dad awkward and a mom or grandparent isn't? My DH finally got to the point where he would not take the kids to any activities because of the cold shoulder he received from other moms/grandparents. The other mom's seemed to think he would hit on them, molest their children, or that he was a "good-for-nothing" unemployed leach. He is also self-employed/work at home, and he was a full time SAHD when the kids were younger. Yes, I'm a bit sensitive to this, but really, what is the motivation for him being unwelcome? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tangerine Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 I think the solution is to bow out of the whole thing, because I can't come up with a gracious way to tell someone their sex makes them unsuitable for your playdate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 Maybe I'm missing something. :confused1: Why does it matter? A playdate is for the kids. You don't know any of these people, so why does it matter who brings the kids? Odds are he's just as nice as the other adults, so sit and chat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shawthorne44 Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 This is the main drawback to SAHD's, which my husband is. DD is a lovely social little girl. DH would be OK to blending into the background, or being the supervising parent. But, DH has to take her to the McDonald's playground and hope that there is a kid there for her to play with. Early on I mentioned the idea of a SAHD playdate. But, the few we know ignore their kids while they fiddle with their phones, and their kids are already becoming little hellions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 Well, give it a try and see how it goes. Perhaps you can mention to the dad that you hope that GM-B comes sometime because you were looking forward to talking about your shared country experience. I think you could do that in a way where it isn't making him feel like you don't want him there, but hopefully it will encourage him to talk GM-B into coming next time. Also, maybe GM-B would be more comfortable starting off just walking or meeting at a park? (rather than going to your house) Next time you run into GM-B, perhaps you can try and arrange that directly with her. Hope it goes well! I'm sure it will. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wintermom Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 Maybe you can arrange to meet at a neutral location, such as a park. That way the kids can play, the adults can talk while watching the kids, and you can leave when ever you want. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 There's lots of stay at home dads here. We've had regular dads at homeschool play groups. This would be no big deal to me. Especially for a first meeting. ETA - I do agree meeting at a more neutral location like a park or indoor playground might be preferable. I often prefer that for playdates with more than one family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aggieamy Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 I know it's not exactly the same thing but I have a picture in my mind of a 1970's office and a bunch of guys sitting around talking about how the office is going to be awkward because they've now hired a woman accountant. I like the suggestion of inviting the grandma's over for coffee sometime if you want to know the grandma's. Otherwise I'd make a genuine effort to be sociable with whomever shows up with the kids. Last year in DD's girl scout troop there was a dad that volunteered for everything because the mom wasn't a kid person. I don't think my circle of friends is that unusual and we have a handful of SAHDs that I know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 There are quite a few work at home dads here too who go on playdates. They have the playdates in the park and the dads are there to help their own kids if needed. Most times kids play together and parents/grandparents just sit around. Sometimes they do a potluck picnic. ETA: Moms have a regular moms night out and a regular book club to go to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 Is part of the problem that GM-B is not coming? (I may be a little confused.) Maybe you can bring up the idea of getting to know GM-B because of your common connection to a part of the world. If you mention a playdate, I would assume it's about the kids, so it may be that GM-B and the dad are the ones free to bring the children in question. Perhaps this dad will actually entertain all of the kids so that you and GM-A can chat. Maybe GM-B was busy that day? It sounds like you might be overthinking. At some point, if you want to get to know this woman in particular, you might just need a coffee date with her. My husband works a wild schedule, so he is sometimes home during the day. We consider it a bonus. He does come along on some outings, but not all. Neither of us tend to have friends that are friends of only one of us unless it's around a shared interest (and even those friends are rare). We really do come as a duo. We know other couples like this. I realize the dad coming is not part of a couple in this scenario--I mention this more as a way of keeping things in perspective; some people just really don't consider friendship to be with one person but with couples and families. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
albeto. Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 I don't want to make GM-B-DD's DH feel unwelcome, but... well... past the first play date, he kind of is! That sounds terrible. It's obviously nothing personal (I've never even met the guy), but a man changes the whole dynamic of the play date, and it's just not what I have in mind. So what do I do? It sounds terrible because sexism is terrible! Stereotyping people based on belonging to a group (like being a man, Jewish, black, gay, politician, priest, etc) is damaging not only to the individual, but to your community. Whatever fears you have of this guy (rape, molestation, can't talk about the toys in your nightstand drawer) should be based on actual behavior, not perceived potential behavior because he fits a stereotype (men are...). Encouraging stereotyping to your children is problematic not only for them (they'll miss great opportunities in life if they see an individual as a spokesperson of a perceived group) as well as society (oppression functions to preserve an unjustified but traditionally honored privilege, to the detriment of all). I would encourage you to figure out exactly what it is that would make you feel uncomfortable and figure out how to address that, not try and come up with ways to exclude him because he's a man in such a way that he won't notice he's being excluded because he's a man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 ? Dads on play dates is standard for us. That has not ever been a problem. It's not a date, lol, and you still get a chance to chat with GM. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrookValley. Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 I think the solution is to bow out of the whole thing, because I can't come up with a gracious way to tell someone their sex makes them unsuitable for your playdate. Maybe I'm missing something. :confused1: Why does it matter? A playdate is for the kids. You don't know any of these people, so why does it matter who brings the kids? Odds are he's just as nice as the other adults, so sit and chat. This and this. I don't understand. I understand if you want to get to know the Grandma better (given the things you have in common), but I don't understand why Dad bringing the child for a playdate matters when it's a playdate. For the kids. The two are separate things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny_P Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 I wouldn't like it either, just to offer you a little support. Could you change it to a picnic in the park? Having a man there definitely changes the tone- no matter how nice, etc. he is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 I think it is very damaging to stay at home parenting, and to children, in cases where someone creates an unwelcoming social environment for dads. Sexism hurts us all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 This and this. I don't understand. I understand if you want to get to know the Grandma better (given the things you have in common), but I don't understand why Dad bringing the child for a playdate matters when it's a playdate. For the kids. The two are separate things. Yeah, if you said playdate, I would assume it's for the kids too unless you said otherwise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 I wouldn't like it either, just to offer you a little support. Could you change it to a picnic in the park? Having a man there definitely changes the tone- no matter how nice, etc. he is. I've had playdates with SAHDs before, and there's no difference in "tone." You might want to consider that the difference is on your end, not the dad's. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 It will be okay. It's just not what you have in mind. Ask him about his work. Ask him about what his daughter is interested in. Ask him how long he and his wife have been married, whether they are travelling this summer, how they met. I think you are just surprised at how it worked out. I don't really think that you are sexist. If you don't want to do it next time, then don't extend the invitation. If he wants to get the kids together later, ask for a public park or something else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 It's just a tagalong adult. No biggie. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 I don't understand the issue. I would think it is great that the parent is involved and wants to meet the people his kid is spending time with. If the problem is that you really wanted to get to know the grandma, then just invite her over for coffee. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 I don't think it's at all odd that the stay home parent would want to accompany GM on a play date with people they don't really know. I also wouldn't find it odd for him to tag along for several of them until he is more comfortable. I don't think it's a big deal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 Jumping in again. I think the situation is awkward for the OP because it's new to her and not typical of her cultural environment. Most of the time when a person encounters something new, even when that something is a normal part of life, it feels awkward. Look at it this way. Since there will be two guardians coming to the playdate (one for each of the girls), plus the OP and her dd, it's an opportunity for the OP to get to know one of the other adults in the life of a child who is becoming friends with the OPs child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alice Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 I think the other families heard the invitation to a playdate as I would, a time for the kids to play and get to know each other. I actually hate the whole modern playdate for this very reason. As an introvert, I don't really want to chat with other Moms I don't know very well while our kids play. It sounds like you meant this more as wanting to specifically get to know the GMs and to also have the kids play. GM-B might be happy to get together if you specifically asked HER over for coffee or lunch or something. Or you could ask her and the kid, "I'd love to talk more about _________, can you come over for coffee and it would be great for little Susie and Sally to play too." But you set up a playdate which to me (and probably to these families) is more about the kids than the adults. You invited the child over and they are sending the child along with a caregiver. I also have a dh who stays home part-time with our kids (we both work part-time). You have the right to feel less comfortable with a man but the reality is that kid's have fathers and sometimes their fathers are the ones that are taking care of them. My dh isn't much of a playdate guy either but he's been the only man in plenty of settings (waiting at ballet class, etc). I'm grateful to the Moms who made him feel welcome and not like he ruined the Mom party. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 It is sexist, however. Op is uncomfortable because a man is visiting with his mother and child on a play date. It doesn't make her a bad person to be uncomfortable, however. Challenging our own assumptions and moving out of our comfort zones to be inclusive in this kind of situation is a good thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyS Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 Well, where I live playdates and playgroups really are about mom. Yeah, the kids get to have fun, but the real purpose is for moms who are pretty much isolated at home, to have a chance to get out and talk to and meet other moms. To develop friendships. And most moms want other MOMS for friends, not dads. Sorry. A dad wouldn't be unwelcome or told to leave, either. Probably, someone would offer to let him drop the kids off and come back later (especially after he came once or twice), if he'd like some time to go to the gym or something. Or maybe someone would find another dad available for him to hang out with. I'm not sure. Luckily, it doesn't come up much. I guess I don't understand. Is the play date for your child or for you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagle Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 It would never have occurred to me that a dad would not be welcome to a play date. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tangerine Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 I don't want to make GM-B-DD's DH feel unwelcome, but... well... past the first play date, he kind of is! That sounds terrible. It's obviously nothing personal (I've never even met the guy), but a man changes the whole dynamic of the play date, and it's just not what I have in mind. So what do I do? I think it was a mistake to make it an issue of his maleness. Really, he just wasn't who the op invited and intended to hang out with, right? The title of the post is "Dads on Playdates". Not "Person I didn't Invite on Playdate". It is clearly about his maleness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tranquility7 Posted July 10, 2014 Author Share Posted July 10, 2014 Great, thanks everyone for all of the very helpful input! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom-ninja. Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 Being a mother of three sons this thread makes me sad. Yes, girls and women have a tough time in our society for various reasons but discrimination against males is rising and seems to be okay. Just because my boys are male does not make them inherently bad or out to "get" females. The same goes for my dh, my father, my brother, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 Well, where I live playdates and playgroups really are about mom. Yeah, the kids get to have fun, but the real purpose is for moms who are pretty much isolated at home, to have a chance to get out and talk to and meet other moms. To develop friendships. And most moms want other MOMS for friends, not dads. Sorry. A dad wouldn't be unwelcome or told to leave, either. Probably, someone would offer to let him drop the kids off and come back later (especially after he came once or twice), if he'd like some time to go to the gym or something. Or maybe someone would find another dad available for him to hang out with. I'm not sure. Luckily, it doesn't come up much. If the dad is told he'll be allowed to drop off the kids but then he has to go to the gym or something, he IS being made unwelcome. Very much so. I find this attitude extremely sad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostSurprise Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 I might feel awkward if someone I didn't invite came to my home. I may feel disappointed that the person I was interested in befriending was not the one coming. In general, men are much more involved with their children now. If I wasn't a SAHM and my MIL was keeping the children DH would totally want to go to the meet-up first. He's very protective and would want to 'feel-out' the situation before deciding if it was a healthy atmosphere for our children. That's just who he is (especially with the first few children when you're so idealistic). Plus he knows that MIL loves everyone and isn't always the best at seeing manipulation or bullying. So it's not that odd. Even for a guy who isn't a SAHD. Just meet at a public area and be friendly. Who knows, maybe he'll be fun! Chances are if you pass muster GM-B will show up in a few meetings or you can eventually change the time to one which will include her over the girl's father...since she's someone you want to cultivate a friendship with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyS Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 As another mom of sons, I have to say that I think you are reading too much into OPs post. I don't think she's anti-male (though I have to agree that it's a rising problem in our society) or that she thinks the dad is out to get her. I just think that she was looking forward to making some new girlfriends/momfriends on the playdate and having a man in the room (so to speak) will change the dynamic, in some way (probably not all that much, since this is first out all around). You don't have to be anti-man to recognize that men, no matter how awesome, aren't girlfriends/momfriends. They just aren't. Being a mother of three sons this thread makes me sad. Yes, girls and women have a tough time in our society for various reasons but discrimination against males is rising and seems to be okay. Just because my boys are male does not make them inherently bad or out to "get" females. The same goes for my dh, my father, my brother, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyS Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 If the dad is told he'll be allowed to drop off the kids but then he has to go to the gym or something, he IS being made unwelcome. Very much so. I find this attitude extremely sad. :001_rolleyes: Go back and read the post. That is *not* what I wrote. I said someone would *offer* to let him drop the kids off so he could go to the gym or something. Where I live, that is a big gift. Generally, drop offs are discouraged at play dates because no one wants to have to discipline other people's kids. And most of the men that I know have no desire to be in the middle of a mom's coffee clatch. They would *much* rather shed the kids and go to the gym. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 I do not understand the issue. If you invite kids for a playdate, you have to expect that some available adult caregiver comes along. I do not see what the issue is about it being a dad and not a grandma. The "dynamic" about a playdate is the dynamic between the kids. Now, if the purpose of the meeting is to socialize with the gradma, you should invite the specific adults for a get together and let them bring the kids along. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tangerine Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 :001_rolleyes: Go back and read the post. That is *not* what I wrote. I said someone would *offer* to let him drop the kids off so he could go to the gym or something. Where I live, that is a big gift. Generally, drop offs are discouraged at play dates because no one wants to have to discipline other people's kids. And most of the men that I know have no desire to be in the middle of a mom's coffee clatch. They would *much* rather shed the kids and go to the gym. I would LOVE it if someone would do that for me. Unfortunately, I am a woman. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandylubug Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 It is hard for SAHDs. DH was one for a long while and people do seem to isolate them. If you are uncomfortable having another male in your home, change the location to a park. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 Maybe I'm missing something. :confused1: Why does it matter? A playdate is for the kids. You don't know any of these people, so why does it matter who brings the kids? Odds are he's just as nice as the other adults, so sit and chat. My husband would be very uncomfortable with a man neither of us know from Adam, alone with his wife and children in his house for hours. It may not be the popular opinion on the board, but there it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyS Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 I would agree with that in general, but the odds that the dad is a wacko are pretty slim. He's a SAHD, not an odd guy off the street. Besides, isn't the other grandmother coming, too? My husband would be very uncomfortable with a man neither of us know from Adam, alone with his wife and children in his house for hours. It may not be the popular opinion on the board, but there it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 My husband would be very uncomfortable with a man neither of us know from Adam, alone with his wife and children in his house for hours. It may not be the popular opinion on the board, but there it is. But they're not alone. Another adult will be there along with the man's child and the other adult's grandchild. Not a scenario likely to be dangerous. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pronghorn Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 I knew a homeschool dad who quit homeschooling partly because of social obstacles, like people cancelling playdates to avoid being alone with him and his children. The dad was a great guy too! I think sometimes we need to go out of our comfort zones a bit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 My husband would be very uncomfortable with a man neither of us know from Adam, alone with his wife and children in his house for hours. It may not be the popular opinion on the board, but there it is. Why? I am honestly curious what it is you think the risks are here. I am especially curious because I see you have sons. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brehon Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 OP, maybe a little perspective from the other side? My dh is a SAHD and I work. Because of attitudes against dads showing up with their kids to outings, parks, etc, *my* kids are more isolated. Dh took the kids to a get-together at a water park and was basically given the cold shoulder by the other moms there. Wonderful. And offering to let a dad drop off his kids and *go somewhere else* or find him another guy to hang out with because you are uncomfortable with men? How...welcoming and neighborly of you. How often do we (both on this board and IRL) bemoan the fact that some men aren't involved with their kids? How often on this very board do we talk about how involved or not fathers are? How we should encourage them to step up and co-parent? Is this only applicable inside the family home? Seems that some women want it both ways - dads involved, but for heaven's sake, not in public and not without the mom (or other approved female caregiver). Is this what we teach our sons - that it is only acceptable for them to be involved with their children to a certain, rather arbitrary female decided point? OP, I understand about being an introvert. I am an introvert who is also extremely shy. Still, I would encourage you to look past this prejudice of yours. It might open up a whole new world for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrookValley. Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 As another mom of sons, I have to say that I think you are reading too much into OPs post. I don't think she's anti-male (though I have to agree that it's a rising problem in our society) or that she thinks the dad is out to get her. I just think that she was looking forward to making some new girlfriends/momfriends on the playdate and having a man in the room (so to speak) will change the dynamic, in some way (probably not all that much, since this is first out all around). You don't have to be anti-man to recognize that men, no matter how awesome, aren't girlfriends/momfriends. They just aren't. I don't think anyone is suggesting she is anti-male, and I think most of us understand that she may be disappointed about not getting to spend some time/cultivate a friendship with the grandma. But the fact remains that it's really not fair to the dad (or the kids, for that matter). If Dad is the parent at home and available to take the kids to playdates and activities, why would he be less welcome? And while yes, many of us make "momfriends" on playdates and get-togethers, a playdate or get-together does not automatically mean you're searching out new friends amongst all the parents. Some will become friends, some will be closer friends than others, and some will remain just acquaintances. I don't see why having a man in the room will preclude making friends with one or more of the other moms/grandmothers. No one is insinuating that the OP should make the man her new bestie. :huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 OP, maybe a little perspective from the other side? My dh is a SAHD and I work. Because of attitudes against dads showing up with their kids to outings, parks, etc, *my* kids are more isolated. Dh took the kids to a get-together at a water park and was basically given the cold shoulder by the other moms there. Wonderful. And offering to let a dad drop off his kids and *go somewhere else* or find him another guy to hang out with because you are uncomfortable with men? How...welcoming and neighborly of you. How often do we (both on this board and IRL) bemoan the fact that some men aren't involved with their kids? How often on this very board do we talk about how involved or not fathers are? How we should encourage them to step up and co-parent? Is this only applicable inside the family home? Seems that some women want it both ways - dads involved, but for heaven's sake, not in public and not without the mom (or other approved female caregiver). Is this what we teach our sons - that it is only acceptable for them to be involved with their children to a certain, rather arbitrary female decided point? OP, I understand about being an introvert. I am an introvert who is also extremely shy. Still, I would encourage you to look past this prejudice of yours. It might open up a whole new world for you. I'm sorry to hear that your dh is treated like that. I hope he comes across a group of accepting home schooling moms for his sake and your children's Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 Oh bother, meeting someone you would like to get to know and then being sent a different group is disappointing. How funny everyone thinks she's anti male. Why aren't the lot of you calling up the stay at home dads and having them over regualrly to hang out? If I invited the grandmas and the dad said he was coming I would figure he was checking out the household and maybe a bit controlling since he doesn't trust his mother who babysits regularly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brehon Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 I'm sorry to hear that your dh is treated like that. I hope he comes across a group of accepting home schooling moms for his sake and your children's Thanks. Dh is a great guy and wonderful dad. He is also very extroverted and will talk about anything to anybody. He loves getting to know people. [i, on the other hand, would be perfectly happy living as a hermit. :) ] I guess I'm befuddled by this type of sexist attitude. We (women, collectively) fought hard to be accepted by men and not continually deal with the "your place is not *here* (where ever men thought women shouldn't be)" attitude. I don't know why some women turn around and treat men the same way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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