How has homeschooling affected your relationship with your kids/ spouse?

[Mommyfaithe]

Our school year is coming to a close. This was possibly my worst homeschooling year yet. It was my 20th year, and maybe I am just burnt. Today, I am away from home, resting, trying to relax and pondering where to go from here. I am beyond burnt! My hubby is beyond burnt....my kids are burnt too. I am at a place where I know our lives will always be a bit hectic. But, what I am really rolling around in my mind is how homeschooling has affected our relationships.

 

My hubby has never been pro-homeschool, or anti-homeschool. He has always been neutral to withdrawn and really has no interest in making educational decisions. He has always left it up to me to figure out how and what, and why and to carry it all out with my other chores, my job etc. as long as we didn't bother him, he stayed out of it. When I do bring up homeschooling problems, his only answer is to send them to PS. For me, that is not really an option, but it is looking better and better.

 

So, anyway, there is a bit of resentment, but understanding too... It takes all he has running his business, being a good dad, spending quality time with our kids when he can etc.

 

Right now, my relationship with my kids is very strained. My older ones are finding their independence and my younger ones are not as driven to learn, nor do much of anything.

 

I am looking forward to a few weeks off. My younger kids are ahead in humanities, behind in writing and math. I know what we have to do, I just don't have the energy to do it. My teen is going through teen nutters old, and making us all nuts too! Oh, I need this break SO MUCH!!!!

 

So, really, I would like to know how homeschooling has effected your relationship with your kids and spouse....for me, I think it is straining it big time. I originally started homeschooling to encourage a strong family and sibling bond. I have seen that in my kids. What I did not see coming was my kids view of me and their relationship with me as they grew older. So far I am 2 -2, with 2 kids very close and 2 kids very distant. The 2 distant ones hurt my heart....but I am not sure how to heal that rift. There is no anger, or fighting, or rough words...just they grew up and got out as fast as they could! The other 2 are grown and make it a point to come home as often as possible, keep up communications, text, Facebook etc....

 

So, can we talk about this??

 

Faithe

[TammyinTN]

If it were me...I would take 6 weeks off..work on relationships and just veg a little.  Pick up in August when everyone has had a break.   :grouphug:

[Mommyfaithe]

If it were me...I would take 6 weeks off..work on relationships and just veg a little. Pick up in August when everyone has had a break. :grouphug:

Oh Tammy, I know the drill...and abide by it. I am talking the long term, not the short. And I am geared for a good 6 week break, but life will not cooperate. Putting the books away is easy. Taking them out again is going to be a challenge, especially when I see my deepest and most precious relationships deteriorating. I am not sure there's such a thing as homeschooler therapy, but I think if someone starts offering it, they are going to rake in the bucks!

[TammyinTN]

Big hugs, Faithe  :grouphug:

[lmrich]

Can you out source some classes? You need a break from the everything ness of your life. Find a way to make the load the lighter. Even a cleaning service would help I bet.

[LucyStoner]

What do your remaining hs kids think about it? All of them are old enough to have some serious say in how they are schooled.

 

I don't think the homeschool therapy thing needs to be a joke. There are HS friendly therapists and educational consultants.

 

This isn't your first rodeo. You are a veteran. If you feel the need for big changes, make it happen. Trust yourself.

[sassenach]

Spouse, I'm sure it's effected our relationship, but I can't say how much or in which direction.  We're on the same page, and I don't feel that homeschooling is divisive at all, but I do wonder if I could serve him better if so much of my energy wasn't poured out into educating the kids.

 

Kids, In the younger years, it's definitely enhanced.  In the middle school years, I think it has strained our relationship.  My oldest and I were really struggling when we decided to end our homeschooling days with her.  It was a fantastic decision and I have zero regrets.  Ds11 is going into 6th grade and I am starting to feel the strain.  Our solution is to majorly outsource next year. 

 

We're probably going to wrap up our homeschool life in the next 2-3 years.  

[fairfarmhand]

My solution (which may or may not be one for you) was to enroll the oldest in virtual school. It definitely doesn't fit what my view of homeschooling high school was. I wanted so much more depth and fun. But by the time she got old enough for depth and fun, she was also irritable, and turning up her nose at everything that I think would be fun and neat. 

 

So stepping out of being a direct teacher to her was a win-win. I'm able to be a better teacher for my youngers and when she's angry that things aren't going well, all I have to do is say, "Well, I guess you need to e-mail your teacher."

 

I understand. I'm closer to my 3 youngers who LOVE homeschooling and see the benefits and coolness of the stuff that we can do. My older thinks I've ruined her life by homeschooling. It hurts to be judged so harshly. She sees nothing good about what we've done here. But it is what it is. I just do the best I can.

[Liz CA]

Our school year is coming to a close. This was possibly my worst homeschooling year yet. It was my 20th year, and maybe I am just burnt. Today, I am away from home, resting, trying to relax and pondering where to go from here. I am beyond burnt! My hubby is beyond burnt....my kids are burnt too. I am at a place where I know our lives will always be a bit hectic. But, what I am really rolling around in my mind is how homeschooling has effected our relationships.

 

My hubby has never been pro-homeschool, or anti-homeschool. He has always been neutral to withdrawn and really has no interest in making educational decisions. He has always left it up to me to figure out how and what, and why and to carry it all out with my other chores, my job etc. as long as we didn't bother him, he stayed out of it. When I do bring up homeschooling problems, his only answer is to send them to PS. For me, that is not really an option, but it is looking better and better.

 

So, anyway, there is a bit of resentment, but understanding too... It takes all he has running his business, being a good dad, spending quality time with our kids when he can etc.

 

Right now, my relationship with my kids is very strained. My older ones are finding their independence and my younger ones are not as driven to learn, mor do much of anything.

 

I am looking forward to a few weeks off. My younger kids are ahead in humanities, behind in writing and math. I know what we have to do, I just don't have the energy to do it. My teen is going through teen nutters old, and making us all nuts too! Oh, I need this break SO MUCH!!!!

 

So, really, I would like to know how homeschooling has effected your relationship with your kids and spouse....for me, I think it is straining it big time. I originally started homeschooling to encourage a strong family and sibling bond. I have seen that in my kids. What I did not see coming was my kids view of me and their relationship with me as they grew older. So far I am 2 -2, with 2 kids very close and 2 kids very distant. The 2 distant ones hurt my heart....but I am not sure how to heal that rift. There is no anger, or fighting, or rough words...just they grew up and got out as fast as they could! The other 2 are grown and make it a point to come home as often as possible, keep up communications, text, Facebook etc....

 

So, can we talk about this??

 

Faithe

 

I would take some time off and not try to work this out at the end of a school year when you are all a little frazzled. If you take a week or two in August to seriously weigh the issue, talk to a good friend or two, mull it over and come to the decision that all or a few of the kids may be going to PS, you still have time to enroll them - I would think. After a relaxing summer, the relationship with your kids will likely improve. Life is lived in phases and this time of year is the time when we have some battle scars from the school year. Bottom line for me is always not to make a decision in haste and out of an emotional slump.

 

[OneStepAtATime]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

I have done both.  I have seen both sides.  I honestly don't think that ps is as consistently horrible at all schools as many believe it to be, and for some I do think it may be a very viable option.  I have friends who have put kids in ps after homeschooling for a bit and the kids did great and relationships improved.  Nearly everyone I know IRL has kids in ps.  Some are truly thriving and some not so much, but that is true with any type of schooling situation.  And sometimes it depends on what stage in life they are at.   I don't think you should feel bad about seriously considering that option. 

 

My kids were in brick and mortar for many years.  It wasn't the he** hole that those who have never used brick and mortar might imagine.  There were some really good teachers, the kids made friends, there were certain subjects that were taught really well, better than I could have done.  There were also some awful teachers and some really stupid mistakes made but we worked around it and the kids did o.k.  

 

That being said, once we pulled the kids out and started homeschooling, both kids have been much happier and both are still committed to homeschooling.  We make that decision every year as a family.  They also, though, know what it was like in brick and mortar.  They have something to compare it to.   So do I.  I see pros and cons for both.  

 

And while we have had bumps, those bumps would have been there anyway (differences in personality, going through hormone changes, etc.).  I am closer than I used to be to both kids.  And my DH sounds sort of like yours, but he is more on board now than he used to be with homeschooling.  He still doesn't do anything to help but he has a ton on his plate already.  But I know that there are times when he feels like so much of my energy goes into teaching the kids and handling the house and my mom's family business that he is low man on the totem pole.  At the same time, he has also seen what things were like in brick and mortar and knows that some of what we might gain would be balanced by what we might lose by putting them back in.  He recognizes that homeschooling doesn't solve every problem and neither does ps.  

 

You just have to weigh the pros and cons.  Since you, OP have been homeschooling for a very long time it may be hard to weigh those pros and cons from a position of actual knowledge.  That makes it harder.  Do you know others in the area that have kids in ps?  Could you ask around for detailed reviews of the schools, not just a one or two sentence response?

 

What if you just tried ps for a year, to see if just having that break would help all of you?  And if it isn't working out, homeschooling is always still available, right?  And at that point the kids might be really a lot more motivated to work at it and you would have had time to recharge your batteries.  On the flip side, if school is working out much better than you thought it would, then that's o.k., too.

[Leav97]

Take a break.  In 2 moths decide if it needs to be a whole year break.  If you aren't ready to start school again, send them to public school.  There are some public schools I wouldn't recommend, violence and gangs, but most of them will be ok.  You can always re-evaluate after a year of PS.  Your kids might develop an appreciation for homeschooling.  Or you might all decide that public school was the best choice.

[LLMom]

I have homeschooled 18 years so I know what you are talking about. :grouphug:  I have sent most of mine to school because I couldn't do it anymore.  As far as relationships, I have an excellent relationship with my dd who was homeschooled all the way through, but it was very strained from 16-20.  She has told me that she won't be homeschooling her 2 (that she has so far).  My 21 year old son and I have a terrible relationship.  He blames me for all of his problems and says I messed him up because I homeschooled him.  (this is coming from an unmedicated bipolar person)  And my 17 year old homeschooled through 8th grade.  We have a good relationship now.  He was giving me an awful time at home about school so I sent him.  It was the best decision we made. He has told me he think school is better than homeschooling.   :crying:   Great relationship with my 15 year old (but she is now in school) not so great with my 13 year old (I sent her to preserve our relationship--it is improving), 10 year old is hard no matter where he is which is in school, and great relationship with my 9 year old dyslexic who is still homeschooling.  

Take a break and enjoy your summer.  Do some thinking and reflecting.  You have time to decide.  Remember if you decide to put them in school and you don't like it, you can always take them out.  Come visit my blog (see signature) that deals with burnt out homeschool moms and moms considering school.  Would love for you to share your story.

[Miss Marple]

Haven't read the other responses, but wanted to just mention a couple of things.  I am finished with homeschooling.  My youngest just graduated.  My oldest has graduated college and is working (married and expecting a baby).  I truly don't think homeschooling affected our relationships at all.  It was what we did.  I don't think that any activity we involve ourselves in is the culprit in any dysfunction.  I think it's the people involved that are the cause of the dysfunction.  How we approach our kids, how we approach our spouse, how we approach our job of schooling are all issues that can cause the dysfunction.  

 

We have great relationships - they are all different, but all good.  My youngest has been the most difficult because he is the most unlike me and my dh.  But in recognizing that, we worked to provide what *he* needed to grow and mature whether or not it was easy or fun for us as a family or as parents.  We talked about everything.  We didn't side step problems - they were dealt with head on as much as possible.  It was exhausting but it was worthwhile in the end.  

 

My nephew and his wife are contemplating homeschooling.  His wife is insecure in her ability and really doesn't want to do it.  I cannot imagine that there is ever a great outcome when the homeschooling person doesn't want to do it.  I enjoyed schooling but it wasn't always easy or fun.  In fact, it was probably one of the hardest things I've ever done.  

 

You've been through the teen years before but you were younger and had more energy and a fresher outlook.  I think your feelings about schooling and relationships are pretty normal.  And I think your kids are pretty normal as well in their response.  I found it harder to school in our later years.  Maybe it isn't the homeschooling that is the issue.  Maybe you need to consider other options?  I am truly grateful for the opportunity to dual enroll my boys in their last couple of years.  That saved our sanity :)   However, I think we could have made it without that.  I think that homeschooling can sap our energy so that it is difficult to deal with our kids and spouses.  But changes can be made to the program that will allow more free time for you.  If you truly want to continue, and your kids understand why, then spend the break making some short term and long term goals.  Communicate those to your kids explaining why those goals are important to you.  Listen to what they say and see if you can come to a consensus.  Maybe you'll discover that it's the way you are schooling or something else.  But that information can help you make adjustments.  I think relationships are more about how personalities get along rather than if we homeschool or not.  

 

Best wishes - you've been at it for a long time :)  You've got some successful graduates to prove that you did a good job. Give yourself some well deserved pampering and time off.

 

[Arcadia]

There is no anger, or fighting, or rough words...just they grew up and got out as fast as they could!

I was from a latchkey generation. Some of us thrive being latchkey because of our personality. I rather be happily roaming the streets than be home but that does not mean that I'm not close to my parents, aunts and much older cousins.

 

My dad's friends gave him this advice when I was a small kid. Child rearing is like flying a kite. If the kite string is too taut, it might snap. The kite flyer has to adjust so that kite soars high. I was a hard kid to raise.

 

I would worry if there are tension or undercurrents of tension, but just wanting to grow up faster than norm isn't a red flag. I have to keep my kids apart for academics else they are at each other's throat even for outside classes. They do dote on each other at all other times including playing together.

 

For my family, schooling at home affected the spousal relationship in a bad way due to me not having down time and us "outgrowing" our house. Putting kids into parents night out often helped, getting them into outside classes help a lot more. My kids love outside classes just like I did at their age so we are adding more for the coming school year.

 

One long reply just to say that people are different and some like to leave the nest earlier regardless of how wonderful the nest is.

[Mommyfaithe]

What do your remaining hs kids think about it? All of them are old enough to have some serious say in how they are schooled.

 

I don't think the homeschool therapy thing needs to be a joke. There are HS friendly therapists and educational consultants.

 

This isn't your first rodeo. You are a veteran. If you feel the need for big changes, make it happen. Trust yourself.

All of my older kids are thankful they were homeschooled. They are all a bit quirky and all 4 have either finished college or are pursuing a degree. My youngest of those 4 is at a weird place right now that I do not think was effected by school choice as much as him having a chronic illness which dominated his mid teen years. He is much healthier, but emotionally scarred. He is figuring it out, thankful we educated him the way we did, yet feeling cut off from his peers as well.

 

I don't think homeschool/ family therapy is a joke either.....just the dynamic in a homeschool family is so different than a traditional family, with a large amount of the burden falling on the teaching parent. I know we didn't know what we were getting into when we started! It was a grand experiment and I am trying to determine the results, and also determine whether the cost was worth the outcome.

 

Can you tell I am exhausted?

[OneStepAtATime]

All of my older kids are thankful they were homeschooled. They are all a bit quirky and all 4 have either finished college or are pursuing a degree. My youngest of those 4 is at a weird place right now that I do not think was effected by school choice as much as him having a chronic illness which dominated his mid teen years. He is much healthier, but emotionally scarred. He is figuring it out, thankful we educated him the way we did, yet feeling cut off from his peers as well.

 

I don't think homeschool/ family therapy is a joke either.....just the dynamic in a homeschool family is so different than a traditional family, with a large amount of the burden falling on the teaching parent. I know we didn't know what we were getting into when we started! It was a grand experiment and I am trying to determine the results, and also determine whether the cost was worth the outcome.

 

Can you tell I am exhausted?

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

Yes.  And I wish I could give you a real hug, and maybe an all expense paid vacation to the destination of your choice.  :)

[Mommyfaithe]

What do your remaining hs kids think about it? All of them are old enough to have some serious say in how they are schooled.

 

I don't think the homeschool therapy thing needs to be a joke. There are HS friendly therapists and educational consultants.

 

This isn't your first rodeo. You are a veteran. If you feel the need for big changes, make it happen. Trust yourself.

Oops, You asked about my younger group. Dd loves homeschooling and hates being a homeschooler. She loves learning at her own pace, studying what interests her etc. she hates how isolated we can become. She craves friendships and social scene, which is not easily available in our rural area. I do whatever possible to make this happen for her, but she is shy and awkward...so that doesn't help much.

The 2 boys are 10&12. They have not really voiced an opinion. This is what we have always done. It is normal for them. They are not academics! They want to play. A lot. Homeschooling gives them that opportunity....almost too much!

[Storygirl]

I am totally sympathetic.  I am burnt out, and honestly, I have been burnt out for years. I do get reenergized when we take breaks (which are small, because we have always done some school in the summer), and I think that when we start again things will be different.  But they aren't. If this is not a new state for you, if you have been feeling burnt out for a long time, it may be time to make some different choices. We're working through that ourselves at our house.

 

I started homeschooling primarily to build relationships with my children, so it is a great sorrow of mine that homeschooling has actually harmed my relationship with one particular child, who resents being told what to do or corrected. He resents me as his teacher.  As soon as we sit down to do school, his face hardens and his attitude changes. He is not loudly defiant, but resentment rolls out of him in waves. He won't actually refuse to do his work, but he does everything he can to show me that he's not willing to cooperate fully. His behavior is passive aggressive, and he purposefully provokes me. I'm sure some people will read this and think, "oh, no, it is not purposeful." But it is. It is a daily problem that is affecting our relationship for sure. I accept that my teaching style and my personality are part of the problem; they obviously irritate him. Although we have similar problems with non-academic things, it is mostly during school lessons that the conflict happens. I think we probably need to put him in school, and it is a dagger to my heart.

 

Out of the other three, one is a joy to homeschool, and the other two have their own individual challenges, both behavioral and academic (learning disabilities), so I have three that have been difficult to homeschool for various reasons. I've been having a hard time accomplishing all that we should, both because these issues (and other things) interrupt our days, and because I just have been worn down by it all and find it very hard to spur myself on.

 

Homeschooling impacts every part of our lives. Not just because we have school in our home, but because I've been carrying a heavy burden -- both emotionally and logistically as I keep our complicated family running --  and I am absolutely and completely worn out. I know what I want to do academically. I know I could be a good teacher. I want to homeschool. But I just don't seem to have it in me to keep pushing forward.

 

DH is a supportive but mostly uninvolved with academics.  He has been picking up the slack with housekeeping and laundry and takes the lead on child care when he is here, because by the time he walks in the door, I am spent. He worries about the effect that homeschooling has on me and thinks we should enroll the kids in school.

 

The bottom line right now is that I love love love homeschooling, but it makes me miserable. And it is specifically homeschooling that is the issue, because when we take a break for awhile, things in the family improve, and when we start school again, the challenges reboot. Something needs to change.

 

So, you are not alone. There is the kind of burn out that people refer to that seems to be fixed by taking a breather from school. My issues are something deeper. If yours are as well, you probably know it deep down.  Sometimes bigger changes are needed. If you need to enroll your children in school to improve your family life, it is not the end of the world.  It may be what is best for all of you.

 

Whatever you decide, best wishes.

[justasque]

I think it's wise to put some ongoing thought into how you plan to gradually transition older kids away from mom-centered homeschooling and towards other-teacher education (of which there are a wide range of options) and/or independent living/employment of some sort.  The rate of movement towards independence will vary for each child, but in most cases there should be at least some movement as time goes by, you know?  So if you are burning out, and if your children are needing new challenges and/or more independence, it might make sense to revisit your timeline-to-independence and see if something needs to be tweaked.  Where do you want them to be in four or five years?  Where do they want to be?  What skills and experiences do they need to get there?  Where can they get those skills/experiences?  If PS isn't an option, are there private schools, summer programs or camps, online options, local co-ops, private tutors, apprenticeships, volunteer positions, community college, anywhere that offers a la carte classes, etc?  

[Mommyfaithe]

 

 

 

 

The bottom line right now is that I love love love homeschooling, but it makes me miserable. .

I could have written most of your post word for road! Homeschooling would be so wonderful if it weren't for these darn kids! 😳

 

Honestly, I love homeschooling, but it may not be best for these kids at this time. Taking a few weeks off is not going to solve our problems, but maybe I will be able to have a better perspective. I used to be so convinced and so fervently pro homeschool! The idea of NOT homeschooling all the way through breaks my heart, but losing my kids hearts and my own sanity is not worth standing on my laurels.

[elegantlion]

Well I'm in the midst of a divorce, but homeschooling was never the issue. Exdh was/is very supportive of us homeschooling, emotionally supportive anyway. But when he was here all I did was focus on being wife and homeschooling mom. At one point he wanted me to be his bookkeeper (self-employed carpenter) and I laughed at him. Seriously, our marriage would have ended years sooner had I tried that, he's just not organized. 

 

Ds and I get along well, we have similar personalities. We're isolated now, but we're both introverted and dealing with chaos, so it fits our life right now. 

 

This year has not been good through schooling wise. We have another week and I'm done. I have no clue what progress he made in a few areas and I'm ticked. 

 

When I'm stressed about other stuff, school suffers. I'm not sure I'd have the emotional energy to keep schooling if I had more children. If ds were much younger, he'd be in school and I'd be working full time. I enjoy homeschooling, and it's right for this child, so we'll finish his final two years, but it won't look like it would have had life not exploded on us. I'm angry about that and it is ex dh's fault and he knows it too (so much a long story to go with this). 

[Catwoman]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

Yes.  And I wish I could give you a real hug, and maybe an all expense paid vacation to the destination of your choice.  :)

Yes. This. Exactly.

 

I'm so sorry you're feeling so stressed and discouraged, Faithe, but your tack record with your older kids shows that you're obviously both a great mom and a great teacher, so chalk this up to exhaustion and burnout, and try to give yourself a break from worrying about all the school stuff. It sounds like both you and your kids could use some nice, relaxing time off.

 

:grouphug:

[Storygirl]

I could have written most of your post word for road! Homeschooling would be so wonderful if it weren't for these darn kids! 😳

 

Honestly, I love homeschooling, but it may not be best for these kids at this time. Taking a few weeks off is not going to solve our problems, but maybe I will be able to have a better perspective. I used to be so convinced and so fervently pro homeschool! The idea of NOT homeschooling all the way through breaks my heart, but losing my kids hearts and my own sanity is not worth standing on my laurels.

 

Totally with you. Unfortunately. But it helps a little to know I'm not the only one!!

[MistiDelaney]

So, really, I would like to know how homeschooling has effected your relationship with your kids and spouse....for me, I think it is straining it big time. I originally started homeschooling to encourage a strong family and sibling bond. I have seen that in my kids. What I did not see coming was my kids view of me and their relationship with me as they grew older. So far I am 2 -2, with 2 kids very close and 2 kids very distant. The 2 distant ones hurt my heart....but I am not sure how to heal that rift. There is no anger, or fighting, or rough words...just they grew up and got out as fast as they could! The other 2 are grown and make it a point to come home as often as possible, keep up communications, text, Facebook etc....

 

 

Faithe

 

Oh, Faithe, I am so sorry.  I know how that hurts! 

 

But please don't blame yourself or homeschooling. My older kids (34, 34, 33, and 29) went to PS, and they also grew up and away - all of them.  And two of yours have stayed close.  So, it can happen no matter how they are educated.  Some kids are just more independent and less "attached" in the early years.  Two of mine have come back and now make it a point to contact me ever so often, but the other haven't...yet.  :)

 

We are still in early stages with caboose boy (he's 11 and HS from birth) but so far HS seems to be bringing us all closer - but we do it as a team and I am sure that makes a huge difference.  As does CB's youth.

 

Yes, rest.  Just relax and take a break and try to trust, at least for a few weeks, that it is all unfolding as it should. 

 

<hugs>

 

Misti

[whitestavern]

I had a year like yours two years ago.  I felt like my relationship with my kids was deteriorating, after many good years. I put my daughter in 8th grade this past year (parochial school; seemed better academically) and for her, it was wonderful.  She absolutely loved being at school, everything about it.  She'll be continuing on with high school.  Our relationship is very good again.  However, this year wasn't so great with my son.  I've had to take on more work, which makes me more stressed out, and that in conjunction with his age (I think) was rough.  So I'm seriously considering sending him to school in the fall.  He'd be in 7th.  I don't know if it's the age or what, but it just got really difficult once my kids kids got older/work got more demanding. 

 

I would take a summer break and see how the relationships feel in the fall.  You can always try public school at that point.  Nothing's set in stone so if that doesn't work out either, you can always bring them back home.

[mommymilkies]

Well, my oldest is only 13, so I don't have a super long outlook.  But homeschooling has greatly improved my relationship with her.  She went to ps until 1/2 through Kindergarten.  I saw her breifly in the morning, around 5pm off the bus at dinner, and then baths, homework, and bed.  I probably spent less than 1 hour total with her a day.  It was terrible I missed her, and our relationship is better now.  She is 100% in the pro-homeschooling camp.  She likes online classes sometimes, but loves learning on her own time.  She's also introverted and can't stand groups of people.

 

My son (12), otoh, really craves the social structure of school...to a point.  He's also introverted, but likes playing with groups of kids sometimes-something I really can't provide often for him here. 

 

However, I think it's having a rather poor effect on my 6 yo.  She's an extrovert/introvert (needs breaks but craves social experiences) and I really can't handle that right now.  I have to tell her several times a day: "I love you, but I don't need to inhale you."  I think she'd do good in a good classroom.  However, the ps is not accommodating of her allergies and I can't afford private school.  So she's stuck with me. :p

 

For me, I love homeschooling.  I just don't love the actual doing of the homeschooling atm.  I've been burnt out for years-a weepy worthless mess of ppd. The kids are thriving, their test scores are impeccable, but I dread every.single.day.  I don't think stopping homeschooling would help, though.  I kind of wish I could put them in summer school so we can have a break from each other without a huge commitment.  But I've been the ps mom and I know this is better for us all right now.  You really have to take it one day at a time sometimes.   :grouphug:

 

Oops, You asked about my younger group. Dd loves homeschooling and hates being a homeschooler. She loves learning at her own pace, studying what interests her etc. she hates how isolated we can become. She craves friendships and social scene, which is not easily available in our rural area. I do whatever possible to make this happen for her, but she is shy and awkward...so that doesn't help much.

I have this same situation with a couple of my kids.  

[Catwoman]

I could have written most of your post word for road! Homeschooling would be so wonderful if it weren't for these darn kids! 😳

 

Honestly, I love homeschooling, but it may not be best for these kids at this time. Taking a few weeks off is not going to solve our problems, but maybe I will be able to have a better perspective. I used to be so convinced and so fervently pro homeschool! The idea of NOT homeschooling all the way through breaks my heart, but losing my kids hearts and my own sanity is not worth standing on my laurels.

If you take a break from doing school, but you keep feeling like homeschooling is no longer the best choice for your family, maybe it's time to make a change.

 

I know you will make the right decision. Just don't feel like you have to decide on anything right away. You're already under enough stress, and let's face it, when you're stressed and exhausted, it's not exactly the best time to make a big decision. :grouphug:

[Anne in CA]

Because we have a blended family I think home schooling is the only way we had enough control over our lives to stay together as a family. I think home schooling was very good for my relationship with my son because I was able to give him independence as he was ready to take it, and when I  gave him too much I was ready to take some back. Both of my girls just wanted independence all the time and fight tooth and nail to not need me. Home schooling was good and bad for the girls in different ways.

 

Home schooling is not the magic bullet I thought it was when I began. The only people I knew who had home schooled had AMAZING kids. It is not fair to compare most families to those people, but I did not know that then. I am sad about being done home schooling. I went yesterday to enroll my youngest in ps and I am already not happy about some stuff, but I am trying.

 

I tried online school this year and it was a complete bust. She was annoyed that it was too easy, she didn't take it seriously and just flaked out. Also, we had a bad internet situation so trying that again would be pointless. 

 

I am sad not to be a home school mom anymore. For 16 years I have been a home school mom first. Now I have to reinvent myself. I am going to, but change, even for the better, is so painful when it is so abrupt.

 

[Lanny]

We are Distance Learners, so that requires far less from my wife and me than what is required for you to provide home schooling  to your DC.

 

The big surprise, that my wife  pointed out some months ago, is that our family is much closer now.

We eat meals together. We talk a lot more. There is much  less stress in our family.

 

When DD attended a "brick and mortar" school (that ended in June 2012), I had to wake her and my wife up, at 450 A.M. DD would gobble down her Breakfast and she was out of the house at 550 A.M.

 

My wife, DD, and I are all extremely happy with the situation now.

[J-rap]

Relationships are most important.  I'd do whatever you need to do to help those be strong.  If that means outsourcing some classes, do it!  Do your kids have outside activities apart from your home?  As my kids got older they were involved in lots of different things that took a lot of their time and energy:  swimming, music, theater, part-time jobs.   Maybe that helped home life feel so good.  They were so busy, that being home was a treat, even though they were still homeschooled.

 

In high school, they did take a class or two at the PS.  We had a nice assortment of things going on.  Keep a sense of humor if you can.  That can save almost anything!

 

You've been at it a long time.  I'm sorry you're going through a difficult time.

[Catherine]

Faithe, I've only been at this for 10 years, and taught three children, and I think I have some idea of what you are talking about! It has helped me to see that my oldest is finally doing well. For many years of his childhood, I would describe our relationship as difficult, and high school was TOUGH. But he has, thankfully!, matured and grown and we are close now.

 

I have to be honest here that on of my children has had a terrible school experience. But I really think that has less to do with the school, which I honestly believe is an excellent school, and more to do with him personally and his development and quirks. I do believe he'll come around, but in retrospect, he might be doing better right now if he had not gone to school. Then again, I alone would be dealing with the current crisis, so I'm not sure I wish now that things were different. Of course, if he had stayed homeschooled, and been fine right now, that would be great, but I honestly don't think the school is the cause of his struggles.

 

I think we are all doing the best we can with the hand we've been dealt. Taking the responsibility for the complete education of multiple children is a daunting task!! You have already accomplished so much! Before you even think about the next step, allow yourself some points for what you've already done. And yes, take the kids' preferences into account.

[Mommyfaithe]

 

 

Home schooling is not the magic bullet I thought it was when I began.

 

I am sad not to be a home school mom anymore. For 16 years I have been a home school mom first. Now I have to reinvent myself. I am going to, but change, even for the better, is so painful when it is so abrupt.

Thank you for sharing! I also believed in the magic bullet....and I do have some pretty great kids, but as I said before....I am crispy! We tried online too.....that does not work for us.

 

I pray for your peace and have fun reinventing! Take some time for you. 16 years is a long time! Good luck!!!

[ThisIsTheDay]

So, really, I would like to know how homeschooling has effected your relationship with your kids and spouse....for me, I think it is straining it big time.

 

Overall, it's kept us much closer as a family. It allowed us to make a couple of moves that we never would have done, because we never would have taken our kids out of their wonderful school.  We pulled our oldest from that school 12 years ago to homeschool.

 

When my kids were younger, homeschooling bound us very tightly together, and my husband ended up being a bit excluded. He's always been very supportive, my big cheerleader, but he's never had any input into any aspect of our schooling. That's fine, it works for all of us. We never dreamed we'd homeschool for so long. For the first eight years, we took it one year at a time.

 

Midway through our hsing, he began suffering from a very serious health issue, and he hasn't worked in several years because of it.  It changed our family dynamics some, but the biggest effect on our hsing was that I eventually went back to work part time. At the same time, my dd's and my relationship was really beginning to suffer, too much closeness. So my going back to work eased that strain up quite a bit and life went back to being normal, good.

 

My dd just finished her first year away at college, and my ds just finished 10th grade.  The relationships between all of is really strong.  I feel like we are very close.  I am humbled by that when I read of the struggles shared here. 

 

Being with your kids so much, especially as they get older, lets them see ALL of your faults, magnified.  I don't know how they can stand me sometimes, how they can continue to be patient and kind. As their parent and teacher, I was very used to (and liked!) that control, and it's been a tough balance to let go.  I don't know that I've really done such a great job of it, but God has covered me completely, picking up every place where I've lacked (which is a lot.).

 

 

. I used to be so convinced and so fervently pro homeschool! The idea of NOT homeschooling all the way through breaks my heart, but losing my kids hearts and my own sanity is not worth standing on my laurels.

 

There is not necessarily only one right answer.  You've laid the groundwork with your youngers. Maybe it is time for that change, or to reconsider and pray about it.  You don't have to make a permanent commitment either way, maybe a year at a time (for the sake of consistency).  IF you were to put your kids in school, or even do something totally different at home, maybe your perspective would be changed after a year.  It may give you the time, the break, you need.  Or you may decide, WOW, this was such a great year, maybe I should have done this a year or two sooner!

 

You've been doing this for a *really* long time. You can change your mind about never sending your kids to school (which I'm assuming, based on your comment above).  I don't know if this is how you're feeling, but I feel I should say it:  Don't hold yourself out as the die hard homeschooler. (Please don't take offense, I couldn't post this without saying that, and if it doesn't apply to you, maybe it will to someone else?)

 

You are right, losing your kids' hearts and your sanity is too high of a price.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

 

 

[Reefgazer]

I have only been homeschooling a year and likely can't offer you much in the way of advice, but maybe some ideas...

 

I teach my kids at home and I also teach part-time at night at a local college.  The co-op wants me to teach science also, but I absolutely can not because I am just all "taught out" by the end of the day.  Anyway, I don't teach in summer, because when summer rolls around, I need a break.  And I don't mean a 2 week or 5 week break, I mean I need the entire 3 months to re-charge.  That means we aren't doing school around here in summer.  So maybe an extended break will get you through. 

 

You said you are opposed to PS, but is that because it is school, or public school, specifically?  If it's just public school, can you look into an online virtual homeschool, or a local private school?  Also, from your siggy, it seems you have a 16 year old.  Can that child dual-enroll for most classes at that age in your state?

[LanaTron]

Hi, Mommyfaithe.  I don't have much advice, but reading your OP really hit home with me, although I will say my dh is slightly more pro-homeschool than anti-, but he certainly isn't much help with any academic stuff.  I thought I would share my story, not to hold up my choices as what you should do, but out of hope that you will find something useful.
 
First of all:   :grouphug:  And I'm sorry this got SO long.
 
Now my story:  I have homeschooled for 12 years now, and just graduated my eldest on June 1 (praise God).  The spring before my eldest 2 dc were entering 9th and 10th grades, they both asked to go to ps.  I had always said they could go to high school IF they had a compelling reason like they really wanted to play soccer, and there were no non-school soccer teams for that age in our area.  Well, neither could really articulate why they wanted to go to school, so I said no.   :huh: But, I rightfully figured out that they wanted a larger peer group, i.e. FRIENDS besides each other (our homeschool community had pretty much evaporated due to the death of one mama, the infidelity of another mama, and the moving away of a third family... it all cascaded and our homeschool group fell apart).  So, I started a co-op, that really was a flop in terms of attracting lots of high schoolers so that my kids would have a larger peer group.
 
That year, I had started working part time because I was tired of living hand-to-mouth AND right after I started, dh went from corporate food service (a M-F workweek, home in evenings, weekends/holidays off) back into being a chef at a start-up restaurant (70+ hours/week, not home in evenings, etc.).  So things were (are) crazed around our place, and I was (and still am) over-extended and over-stressed because I was solely responsible for the bulk of things here at home.  I burnt out for sure.
 
After their respective 9th and 10th grade years, I was getting them enrolled in dual-credit, because to me that would be at least part of the solution.  Ds--the rising 11th grader--took the placement tests and tested well enough on the reading/writing portions to enroll.  He was super excited to go to college!  When I talked to dd about taking the placement exams, she very quietly told me that she didn't think cc was what she was looking for, and could she go to public high school.  At that point the decision was so easy, because I had watched her be so unhappy at home that year.  Interestingly enough, I talked with ds about possibly going to ps instead of cc, and he said NO WAY, that he was thrilled to go to cc.  So, ds continued on to 11th grade, enrolled in dual-credit classes, and taking the rest at home with me or at our co-op.  Dd did 9th grade over again as a ps student.
 
Now my rising 9th grader is going to ps this fall, too.  I asked him last fall which way he was leaning, and he was very sure about giving ps a shot.  He knows that if it's not a good fit, he can come back home, but I'm pretty sure he's in it for the long haul.  I think my rising 6th grader would go, too, if I gave her the chance, but I don't feel she's emotionally ready for middle school (and you can see below what my older dd thinks about that, too).
 
My dd has been exposed to a LOT of things (like the girl who pulled up her shirt sleeve and showed her where she had been cutting herself, or all the talk about sex and sexuality, and of course the talk about drugs and drinking) that I wish I could have shielded her from.  But she went into ps with a very solid sense of herself and a lot of confidence, and she senses that she has something special that many of the other girls around her don't have.  She has told me, unsolicited by me, that she is glad she homeschooled as long as she did, because it allowed her to figure out who she is without all the peer pressure.  She tells me that there is no way her younger sister should go to school, for now at least, because younger sister is very tender-hearted, and she deals with some mighty self-confidence/self-image issues, and big sister thinks her spirit would be damaged.  #2ds is like big sister, so I think he'll do fine, too... and he has always had a low tolerance for bad behavior from others, so I'm pretty sure he'll choose the right friends.  (now that I write that, I see the irony, because he was horribly behaved when he was little)  :tongue_smilie: 
 
Academically, the school is...mediocre.  The district is under a special state program for not meeting math testing goals.  :thumbdown:  And IMO, my dd has not had nearly enough homework, as she has had almost none.  There's no way she's being prepared for college, at least as far as workload goes.  There is only Spanish or French, and the French pre-AP class my dd signed up for this year did not make, so she was in regular French 2.  But she has had some great teachers so far.  And many of the teachers/staff went to that high school (as did I), so they really seem to care.
 
 
I don't really have a moral to the story, except that there is burn-out that is remedied by a break, but then there is the burn-out that is the real deal, and changes need to be made.  That's the place I got to, and am actually still at.  I still believe that homeschooling is the "best," but I am also okay with "good enough" so that I don't completely become a stark-raving-mad-lunatic  :willy_nilly: can relax a little more and hopefully not be so stressed and hopefully be a better mom and wife.

[Melissa in Australia]

(hugs))