Career or homeschool?

[schaiane]

Hey guys,

 

I wanted opinions on wether I should homeschool my daughter or send her to school and I could get a job? Do any of you regret not going to work? I feel like my daughters education is so important, but I am scared of throwing my life away in a way to just stay home and homeschool.do any of you feel or have felt this way?

[Erica in OR]

What did you decide to do for your daughter last year? I see you were considering an immersion school or online homeschooling. What sorts of things helped you make your decision last year? Was working outside the home a consideration?

 

I don't see it as an either–or decision. I homeschool while also doing consultant work out of my home, in addition to taking care of my younger-than-school-aged children (no daycare costs).

 

Erica in OR

[elegantlion]

I opted for homeschooling. I've been doing that since ds was in first grade, he'll be a junior in high school next year. I don't regret it. 

 

 

I would consider a few things. 1. Are you planning more children - I assume you have only one. 2. Do you anticipate needing to return to the work force at some point? 3. Can you keep your skills fresh along the way? 4. Are you currently at home? How do you feel about that? Some women need to work for $ or for sanity. There are way to do both, but it can be more difficult.

 

Honestly, you don't need to decide the entirety of it at one time. Some people homeschool on a year to year basis. Your family's needs may change and that's okay.  

 

Personally, I've regretted the things I didn't try more than the ones I did. I'm glad we opted for homeschooling. 

[Mama Geek]

Hey guys,

 

I wanted opinions on wether I should homeschool my daughter or send her to school and I could get a job? Do any of you regret not going to work? I feel like my daughters education is so important, but I am scared of throwing my life away in a way to just stay home and homeschool.do any of you feel or have felt this way?

 

I haven't ready anyone else's reply.  

 

I have an engineering degree and worked more than 10 years in the field before having kids.  Now that we have our dd, I stay home and just love it. Work is just that, work.  Yes it put us in a decent financial position and we are able to do lots of things for dd, but I do regret being so focused on a career instead of having kids.  I would love to have several now, but I am 39 and we tried for several years before dd came along.  I learned a lot from working and grew up a bunch before having kids, but I would probably do it differently if I had to do it again.

[schaiane]

I am only 23 so I have never had a job other than to take care of my daughter. I did put her in a Spanish immersion school, but we started having problems with her learning spanish so we put her in a charter school. I feel like she hasn't learned anything all year, other than what I've managed to teach her. I also have a 7 month old and I am scared of putting her in daycare, but I feel terrible for not contributing financially for our family.

[Rosie_0801]

I don't feel like I'm throwing my life away. I feel like I'm living it. Something happened recently that make me feel extra glad I have chosen to live it this way.

But money is good to have. Anyone who says otherwise must have too much. :p

 

Childcare workers might be poorly paid, but there are other professionals who work with children who bring in over a hundred dollars an hour. Methinks the work I do has value, even if I don't get paid well for it.

[elegantlion]

I am only 23 so I have never had a job other than to take care of my daughter. I did put her in a Spanish immersion school, but we started having problems with her learning spanish so we put her in a charter school. I feel like she hasn't learned anything all year, other than what I've managed to teach her. I also have a 7 month old and I am scared of putting her in daycare, but I feel terrible for not contributing financially for our family.

 

You might look at how much money you could net from a job. I know when ds was born I stayed at home. It would have cost more in daycare, commuter costs, clothing, etc to work than to stay at home. Also would you need after school care? 

 

Being a mother only brings innumerable value to a family unit, not everyone opts that direction, but there is value is doing that solely. 

 

There are ways to work and homeschool as well, work in the evenings, work at home. Parenting itself can be a full time job. 

[schaiane]

I do think my contributions have value, and I admire you all that have given yourselves up for your childrens education.

[LucyStoner]

Only you (and your spouse, if any) can decide what is best for everyone around this issue. There is no one right answer.

 

I left a non-profit management job to homeschool and care for my son with autism. This was after 2 terrible years of school and 1 year of homeschooling with 2 working parents. Because of his needs, the decision was clear and basically made for me. He is better off with a parent home with him and we are better off with that parent being me and not my husband. Partly this is because of my skills with him and home based responsibilities and also, partly because my husband's work has killer medical benefits we couldn't afford to lose and helps pay for him to advance his education. My work paid more but the benefits in my sector were never anything like what my husband gets. A child with weekly medical visits needs that goldplated insurance coverage.

 

I am home basically full-time. I homeschool a 10 year old with autism, care for a preschooler and tend the home fires. Our lives run much more smoothly than they did before. I can get my son to all of his therapies and activities. I periodically take a client or two for short-term projects. I also have one organization I work for about 4-7 hours a month. It's not a lot of money but it's enough to cover two kids in music lessons and keep me connected with the job market enough that if could get a decent job if I needed one. I also volunteer in a couple of capacities for my own interest and, again, staying connected.

 

I am planning to slowly work on continuing my own education as my kids get older so that when I do want to head back to work more full-time, I can do so for a decent hourly rate at something I will enjoy more than what I did before.

 

I don't think it has to be fully either/or. That whole you can have it all but not all at the same time thing I guess. I am definitely not throwing my life away and my contribution has a huge impact on our family, including on our finances. If you have the kids in school or daycare, whoever is providing that care is earning money, money you pay one way or the other. By staying home, you are saving a lot of money right there.

 

I also see you are young. I married at 21 and had my older son just shy of 23. One advantage of this is that I will still have quite a bit of time to have another career. Just after the kids are older.

 

I am not going to lie. It's a big opportunity cost to be home. But the opportunity cost of working (and thus not being home) is just too steep for us. I can never get back this time to help him grow and adapt and learn. Never. And his needs make it so that he is obviously and significantly better off in my care rather than in some other arrangement.

[Rosie_0801]

I do think my contributions have value, and I admire you all that have given yourselves up for your childrens education.

 

I haven't given myself up. I have a job to do and I'm doing it the best way I can. That is not giving myself up. From my point of view, I'm self actualising.

 

I still like money though. :D I will have a career later on. 

[elegantlion]

I do think my contributions have value, and I admire you all that have given yourselves up for your childrens education.

 

You might consider reframing the last part. I don't feel like I've given myself up, I feel like I'm doing what is right for my family (recognizing each family will be different). I was the person who never thought she'd have a child much less homeschool. But here we are a decade later and homeschooling fulfills me in a way that's hard to explain. I've embarked on a journey of self-education along the way, which make my college freshman year much easier. 

 

I think parenting requires sacrifices, I had already made some of those when we opted to homeschool. 

[Arcadia]

I am only 23 so I have never had a job other than to take care of my daughter.

 

What are your plans if for any reason your husband is unemployed. My brother's wife isn't working and finances are very tight so they rent out a bedroom to two ladies to break even.  Would you be able to do a few hours of afterschool care a week for a child to earn some income?

 

My hubby was nearly unemployed last year.  He found a new job before the last day of his old one luckily but it took a few months.  However I did wish I had kept a part time job because it is impossible for me to go back to my old job now when hubby couldn't find a job. I have to restart at the bottom and compete with the fresh engineering graduates. I worked 6 years before stopping when my first child was born.

 

With a 7month old, it would make more sense to earn spare cash babysitting at your own home or any flexible do at home jobs you can find.  Obviously I don't know how comfortable or tight your financial situation is.

[Ellie]

Hey guys,

 

I wanted opinions on wether I should homeschool my daughter or send her to school and I could get a job? Do any of you regret not going to work? I feel like my daughters education is so important, but I am scared of throwing my life away in a way to just stay home and homeschool.do any of you feel or have felt this way?

 

"Just" staying home to instruct and nurture one's child is not throwing away one's life. It is investing in the life of another, surely the best career there could be.

[Mrs Mungo]

I homeschool my kids. I chose to do that (among other things) instead of having a career during this part of my life. I definitely do not feel I threw anything away or gave anything up. I made a choice. You can't take both roads in the wood, even when one is just as fair.

[schaiane]

Thanks everyone for the fast replies.

I didn't mean to offend anyone when I said you've given yourselves up, I just meant that you all gave made a huge sacrifice that's all :)

My husband makes a good amount of money for his age (23) I wanted to make this decision for my own sanity. I really admire you all, and I appreciate your opinions.

[73349]

Is there something you can do in the evenings or on the weekend to bring a little money in? That might help you feel better, and then you wouldn't need childcare if your spouse is home. If you'll mention what field you would be working in, we may be able to suggest something.

 

I am happy homeschooling and would've netted very little putting DS into another setting while I taught other people's children, so in my case it is not really a sacrifice.

[DawnM]

I worked in my career for 17 years before staying at home.  There are days I regret quitting work to stay home, not because I want/need the money, although that would be a bonus, but because I really liked working.  

 

But I do think this is the best thing for my kids at this time.

 

Do you have a career that you love and plan  to be in for the next 40 years?  

[busymama7]

Hey guys,

 

I wanted opinions on wether I should homeschool my daughter or send her to school and I could get a job? Do any of you regret not going to work? I feel like my daughters education is so important, but I am scared of throwing my life away in a way to just stay home and homeschool.do any of you feel or have felt this way?

I have never been of the mindset that caring for a family (with or without homeschooling) is throwing a life away. It is my life and I am very happy being a wife and mother. I am absolutely ok with never working for money. If you are not and can't come to terms with your worth outside of paid employment then you must factor that into your decision.

[tabinfl]

I left a successful professional career after 25 years to homeschool our children. I have gratitude beyond words that our family is in a situation where this is possible.

 

At the same time, it has been a very difficult adjustment for me. So much of my identity and self-worth was wrapped up in what I did for work that I still feel like I've lost a huge part of myself, and homeschool mom just isn't filling that gap. I think a big part of it is that I was good at what I did professionally, very good. I am... not so good at being a mom and homemaker, and of course much of the success I do have in educating the children is as much their success (or not) as mine.

 

Do I regret it? So far, no. I know that there is nothing in this world as important to me as time spent with my children and (hopefully) preparing them for happy, successful futures of their own. I don't always feel it, but I know it. Sometimes that (and my husband talking me down on the crazy-making days  :willy_nilly: ) is all that stands between me and a phone call to the school admissions office so that I can go back to something I understand and am good at, but I haven't made the call yet.

 

[Mrs Mungo]

OP, I don't think anyone was offended, just explaining that there is a perspective shift for many of us.

[LucyStoner]

There is a practical consideration here too. With no prior job experience or specialized education, you honestly are unlikely to make enough to cover the costs of working full time unless you have some free childcare or can handle working totally opposite shifts from your husband.

 

The Two Income Trap is an interesting read.

 

If your motive is totally financial, I recommend looking at jobs you can do with your kids around, like babysitting.

 

If your motive is boredom or feeling like you are missing out on your dreams, I recommend some volunteering and educational or business plans for you.

 

If your motivation is feeling less than for staying home or not earning an income, I recommend shifting your thinking and embracing that you are making a contribution that is invaluable and worthwhile.

 

If your motives are mixed, I recommend a mix of the above, lol.

[morgan]

About 15 years ago I stayed home to raise and homeschool my stepdaughter. This was before I had a chance to start a career. I was in my early twenties, and although I did attend college, I didn't finish. Financially we did not need me to work and for the most part I enjoyed staying at home.  We had another child that I currently homeschool.

 

However, over the last several years my husband has developed some serious health problems and we are faced with the reality that I don't have the ability to support us if necessary. So, now here I am in my thirties going back to college. I can't say I have major regrets, I think I made the decision that made the most sense for my family at the time, and I have wonderful memories of raising and homeschooling my kids; but in hindsight, I do wish I would have finished college and at least worked part-time or had meaningful volunteer work that would look good on a resume. I think it will be a difficult transition for me to enter the workforce and leave behind my identity as a homeschool mom. For me it has been helpful to realize that my role might need to change because of necessity (or desire) and I am not a prisoner to my decision many years ago to stay home. I hear people mention "seasons" in their life, and I think that is really true. A lifetime is full of different stages and you have to take each one as it is. Having a career after many years of staying home, or the reverse, isn't really a bad thing in my opinion.   

 

[LucyStoner]

I think being able to work if needed is critical. Because I stay connected to my past profession with the very PT gig and volunteering, I know that if the shit hits the fan here and my husband's income is gone, I would most likely be able to land a basically decent, if not dream, position within 1-3 months. I still get feelers from people looking to hire and I have been out of the full time workforce for more than 2 years. If I didn't stay involved though, I could pretty much count on a pretty steep barrier to reentry after 2+ years totally out of the local market, to say nothing of 10-20 years out. And while there is absolutely nothing wrong making $10 an hour at age 50 because all of the sudden you need a job, any job; I'd just prefer not to find myself in that situation.

[regentrude]

I have a job that I love and I homeschool. It does not have to be an either/or situation.

 

Granted, I do not have the career I could have had with my education, because I chose to have a family; if both parents had opted for a career, we'd have needed a nanny to raise our kids. But I did keep my foot in the door, have developed a certain expertise, and will be able to fill the holes left by the soon-to-be empty nest. For me, work is about much more than money.

 

This is a decision you need to make together with your husband.

I would imagine it very hard to return to the workforce as a middle aged person who has never before held a job, or if a health emergency arises. But it also all depends on your qualifications. If you have a specialized education, I would be wary of not developing at least some job experience. The situation would be different if you have no specific training.

 

Lastly, think in terms of life seasons. With a baby, staying home makes a lot of sense. When your kids are older, you can reevaluate the situation.

[Garga]

I left a successful professional career after 25 years to homeschool our children. I have gratitude beyond words that our family is in a situation where this is possible.

 

At the same time, it has been a very difficult adjustment for me. So much of my identity and self-worth was wrapped up in what I did for work that I still feel like I've lost a huge part of myself, and homeschool mom just isn't filling that gap. I think a big part of it is that I was good at what I did professionally, very good. I am... not so good at being a mom and homemaker, and of course much of the success I do have in educating the children is as much their success (or not) as mine.

 

Do I regret it? So far, no. I know that there is nothing in this world as important to me as time spent with my children and (hopefully) preparing them for happy, successful futures of their own. I don't always feel it, but I know it. Sometimes that (and my husband talking me down on the crazy-making days :willy_nilly: ) is all that stands between me and a phone call to the school admissions office so that I can go back to something I understand and am good at, but I haven't made the call yet.

I felt much the way you did for a long time. But as the boys have gotten older it's dropped away. I think it's because their school work is harder and I can really start sinking my teeth into it. We can have discussions where they don't just parrot back things to me or give opinions I can anticipate. I hope you find that things get better for you as well as your kids grow older and provide a more intellectual challenge.

[Lieutenant Stranger]

I do think my contributions have value, and I admire you all that have given yourselves up for your childrens education.

 

I haven't given myself up. I'm still me. I still have interests and value. 

 

Look. You're 23 and have a school-aged-ish child. I'm assuming you were a teen mom? Or a very young mom at the least. I had my first child at 23 and remember struggling with all these feelings when my friends were all travelling and getting jobs and doing fabulous things and I was home, with babies.  It was a very hard and lonely place to be.

 

You're in a tough place and just really starting adulthood, which is a confusing time to be in life. 

 

There are seasons in life. Let's say you have no more kids-- at 43, you would have a 20-year-old. There is still time to "do" the job thing. A lot of women are having 1st babies at that age! I sometimes can't get over how I'll have this whole new phase in my life at a time when many others are starting babies and toddlers.

 

So...I think you can have both, but you have to realize that with life's seasons, things will change, and you will, too. And that is OK. I love that I made the decision to stay with my kids. Yes, I had a job. Yes, I had an education and when people hear of what I did before I had kids, they're impressed. But, I want to give my 100% to them right now and, for me, that 100% is staying home with them to homeschool. Some other people think their 100% is finding the best nanny, or the best private school, or being the PTA president, or just being the best parent they can be that day.

 

Volunteering is a great way to contribute to your local community, be at a hospital, library, school, nursing home, Girl Scouts...I volunteer a lot and it really does help make you feel like you're contributing. 

 

You have to decide your 100%. But, even if it ends up being radically different than my 100 (and that's totally cool!), it doesn't mean I've given myself up. Not in the slightest. 

 

 

[Jenny in Florida]

I do think my contributions have value, and I admire you all that have given yourselves up for your childrens education.

 

Speaking only for myself, of course, I've actually found myself in educating my kids. Homeschooling has been the absolute best, most interesting, most challenging "job" I've ever had. 

 

When I was still new at the staying home thing and feeling insecure, I used to periodically run the numbers to see how much difference it would make to the family, financially, if I went back to work full time. What we found was that, once we paid for child care and/or private schools for our kids (who are very bright and would not have done well in the public school around the corner) plus all of the extra expenses associated with me working (occasional lunches out, professional clothes, commuting, etc.), it would have made a much smaller difference in our financial situation than one would expect. And the price for that small monetary bump would have been not seeing my kids for the bulk of their waking hours five days a week.

 

It quickly became clear that, for our family, it simply wasn't worth it, especially once we started seeing how our kids thrived with me teaching them at home. I also made a conscious choice to "earn" money by using the time and energy I had a a result of staying home to cut expenses wherever I could. I cooked from scratch, made a lot of the kids' toys and clothes, wrote my own lesson plans making use of free and cheap educational materials, etc.

 

Over the years, I have worked occasional part-time jobs. I worked retail for a little more than three years when the kids were little and my husband went through a rocky time in his career. I worked evenings and weekends when my husband could be home with the kids. And for the last year I've been tutoring English and social studies online 10 - 15 hours a week, which I really enjoy. Because I'm being forcibly "retired" from homeschooling this summer (with one kid moving out and the other heading to college), I am beginning to think about how to transition to working more.

 

At no point have I regretted making the choice to homeschool. I don't feel like I missed out on a thing.

[Catherine]

I'm coming from a place of having always worked, and almost always, part time.  I have three children and at one time taught all three and worked half time.  It has worked for me.  I put a huge amount of time, effort and money into my education.  I have not been willing to give this up, though it really has been challenging at times. 

 

When my dh had a heart attack at the age of 46, I was extremely relieved to be able to honestly say that if it became necessary, I could support us alone.  I respect and admire SAHMs.  I consider myself a kindred spirit though I've always had a job, because I shoulder all of the home responsibilites too.  But if I had a daughter, I would strongly encourage her to establish herself in some sort of self-supporting career.  There are way too many unknowns in life.  I've had friends trapped in dangerous marriages by their large families and lack of job skills.  It's not a nice place to be. 

 

I would encourage you to self-educate as you begin to teach your child.  It might be slow, particularly because you have 1 child and a baby.  But I've yet to meet a woman who regrets getting an education and career.  Just take your time and set goals, and work toward them. 

[Catwoman]

After reading your posts, I'm getting the impression that you will think less of yourself if you homeschool. You've mentioned "throwing your life away" and "giving yourself up," and those aren't positive feelings.

 

Do you have a college education? Would it be possible to go to school part time while you're homeschooling your child, so you will be better prepared for a career when your kids are a bit older? Even if you can only take a course or two at a time, you'd be bettering yourself and could feel as though you were moving forward toward a better future for your whole family, while still spending a lot of time with your children. Basically, you'd be combining both of the things in your thread title, by preparing for a career while you homeschool.

 

I'm not sensing any great passion for homeschooling in your posts, but perhaps more of a sense of duty, and at your age, I would hate to see you feeling trapped in that way. It won't be good for you and it won't be good for your children. You're a young mom and I'm sure you have many dreams for your future, so that's why I'm trying to come up with a way for you to find a way to improve your own personal prospects for the future, along with being able to be with your kids -- and to do both of those things right now.

 

I'm sure no one took offense at anything you posted, but I definitely got the impression that perhaps homeschooling isn't really your first choice, but that you feel obligated to do it, and I think that could lead to a tremendous amount of resentment as time passes if you're not also pursuing some of your own personal goals at the same time.

 

I hope everything works out for you, and that you'll spend more time on this forum so we can get to know you better! There are many young moms here, and I'm sure they'll be happy to share their experiences and perspectives with you. :)

[fraidycat]

If anything, I feel like I "gave up" my chance at a career when I married my DH (military), so having kids or not/staying home with them or not isn't really a factor in that. I could get a job, if necessary or wanted, but not really nurture an actual career unless I owned my own (portable) business.

 

That said, it didn't make sense for me to get " just a job", just to pay childcare costs when my children were too young for school. In many cases, the cost of having a job would actually be more than I would bring home, resulting in me making a negative "contribution".

 

But, I'm not naturally a "kid" person. I do have to make sure I get enough adult interaction throughout the week that I don't start to feel like "I gave myself up" to be home with them. At times when they were younger I longed for a job - just to get out of the house and see an adult!! Now that they're older and I have fantastic friends to keep me more sane, I don't feel the pull to "contribute" financially as much... Except when I overbuy in the books department and feel a twinge of guilt for a second or two. :D

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

I think the idea that a stay at home mom is "just" taking care of the family (with or without homeschool) is a cultural view that family life is not as important as economic position.  When I look at those families I know who are full time dual income, I am pretty shocked by the stress levels of everyone- there is added stress on the mom, of course, but also on the DH and kids.  The same amount of family "work" needs to get done (cooking, cleaning, quality time with kids, errands, doctor's appts...) but in significantly less time and with less energy to spare. 

 

For me, my contribution to the home is more than the sum of its parts- yes, I do the bulk of the cleaning, cooking, childcare, and home education, errand running, doctor's visits, etc, etc, BUT the result of this is that we are low-stress, never rushed, spend our weekends and evenings relaxing with DH, and the household runs smoothly. 

 

Is it "fulfilling" every second of the day?  No.  Sometimes I miss my (brief) career and the lack of use of my degree.  HOWEVER, I have the next 10+ years to discover myself, who I am, what I love, and what I'd like to do AFTER kids!  I was a relatively young mom- DS was born when I was 23- and I still see some 20 years there after the youngest is high school aged for me to create a career for myself, something totally different than what I would have chosen 10 years ago when I was in college trying to make life-long decisions without enough life experience! 

 

And it is fulfilling MOST of the time.  :-)  Taking care of my kids in a nurturing home setting rather than an "industrial setting" is very important to me.  Life comes in seasons, and this is my child-rearing season, and I am enjoying it very much! 

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

Oh, and it helps to consider homeschooling as a "real job."  If you are doing research on learning and teaching, reading up on philosophies of teaching, and taking things seriously, it really is a REAL job. 

[kiwik]

If your husband works regular hours you may be able to get a part time evening job. That way at least you would have something if things went pear shaped. I do know a number of women who have built future careers through being involved in their children's education though.

[basketcase]

My husband and I were just talking about the quiet self-confidence we see in long-term homeschooling moms. These are women who act like they can do anything, because they have. Choosing to homeschool is choosing a different kind of professional development, not giving up on it.

[carriede]

I didn't read all the other replies, but...

 

Even if we weren't planning on homeschooling, I'd still be a SAHM, at the very least until all my babies were in school (and then I'd probably only work part time). This would all depend on DH's consistent employment, of course.

 

I don't think it's a waste being a SAHM, doubly so being a SAHHomeschoolingM. But if I felt the need/desire to renter the workforce for my OWN self, DH and I would try to make that possible.

[Night Elf]

I have many regrets in my life, and some of them do involve homeschooling. But overall, I'm quite happy with my decision. It was good for the kids and built a family bond that I will forever hold dearly in my heart. I've been homeschooling for 13 years. We've all been enjoying the journey. I have thought about what I want to do when my last dd graduates, though that will be from public school one year after her homeschooling brother has graduated. I might go back to work but I've really enjoyed not working outside the home to focus all my energy on my family. I'm not sure I'd enjoy going back to work. If I do, it will be to work with children in a daycare. I have no interest in going back into an office.

[umsami]

Yes, I do regret giving up my career sometimes…. especially as I feel it can make one feel trapped in a marriage.

 

But I do not regret homeschooling, as it has done wonderful things for my son and my family.  I did try to pick up some consulting jobs in the early years of being a SAHM, but it was tough to do the travel to clients. 

 

The one thing with homeschooling to remember is that it is not a lifetime commitment, or even a year long commitment.  If it isn't working for you, or a job offer turns up that is too good to turn down, your child can return to school and you can return to work.  Yes, it gets harder after 5-10 years, but in the beginning, it does not have to be a forever commitment.  

[Reefgazer]

I work part-time outside the home to maintain my professional reputation, so if that's an option, you may want to consider that.  I did take a pay and career prestige hit to do that, but not for one second do I regret homeschooling my DD as my main "career"; it is the most personally rewarding thing I have ever done and has been fantastic for her.  Working for a nameless, faceless bureaucracy with poor decision-making practices vs guiding, teaching, and nurturing my kids made my choice pretty easy.  You may have different values and experiences, however, so this is probably not a question anyone can really answer for you.

 

It's very important to realize that, unless you have over-the-top life insurance on your DH and a solid pre-nup in place, you are vulnerable to financial calamity if your DH should die or if you divorce.  Sometimes when you are older (as I am), there is realistically no time to start a career from scratch or re-start a delayed career in such a case, so you do need to look at things with your eyes wide open.  I am confident enough in my situation to roll that dice, but I can see where many might not be and in that case, there's no shame in securing your financial position instead (or first).

Hey guys,

I wanted opinions on wether I should homeschool my daughter or send her to school and I could get a job? Do any of you regret not going to work? I feel like my daughters education is so important, but I am scared of throwing my life away in a way to just stay home and homeschool.do any of you feel or have felt this way?

 

[Reefgazer]

I had trouble with this also, and it took me a while to realize that devoting time to raising the next generation is an honorable profession; our society devalues this so much, so it took me a while to realize this and block out society's noise.  My guilt also subsided when I considered the cost of child care and private school as an alternative. 

I am only 23 so I have never had a job other than to take care of my daughter. I did put her in a Spanish immersion school, but we started having problems with her learning spanish so we put her in a charter school. I feel like she hasn't learned anything all year, other than what I've managed to teach her. I also have a 7 month old and I am scared of putting her in daycare, but I feel terrible for not contributing financially for our family.

 

[Catherine]

Friends have hired nannies.  They all regret not being there with the children, and their children are unavailable on the weekends as they are busy having quality parent time in their mansions. They do not regret having a retirement income source.  I will never be able to catch up to what I could have earned if I stayed full time, but on the other hand, I don't have the desire to summer here, winter there etc. and I don't feel that my children need to vacation in Vail each year. So different strokes...you have to decide what will work for your situation.

You know, I can't let this pass unremarked.

 

I've hired a nanny and I do not regret it. I do not live in a mansion and I most certainly do not "summer here, winter there". I think your broad-brush judgement of people who used paid child care is inaccurate and smacks of Mommy War judgement of others' choices. Not everyone who pays for child care is heartless, we don't all regret it, and we are not a bunch of high flyers with trust funds. You doth protest too loud. Maybe you have regrets about your own choices? But please don't judge mine.

[creekland]

When we got married my hubby left it totally up to me whether I'd work or stay home after we had kids.  My parents both worked full time, yet I decided to stay home - I'm not really sure why other than it just seemed "right" to me.

 

That didn't work out so well.  It wasn't just the money.  It was my personality.  I get bored in a rut and can get cranky.  He was out working and getting diversions and I was home doing "home" chores, play groups, and being with my kids, but it just wasn't stimulating enough.

 

We didn't "change" until my youngest was three years old and hubby opted to leave working for a company to start his own.  At that point we needed extra income, so I looked around and found I could sub at school on days of my choosing and earn some money, but still be part time.  That was 15 years ago and started an ideal situation for me.  I could work on days I chose, doing jobs I chose, and stay home when desired without "losing" anything.  It also showed me what our local high school was like (many classes - mostly math/science as those are my specialties) and led me into homeschooling (pulled mine after 8th, 6th, and 4th grades).  We no longer need my income, but I've kept at the job as I just plain love it.  I have plentiful friends/co-workers, have gotten to know literally thousands of kids over the years, I have a diversion from "ruts" as needed, and it makes me an all around better person to be around as I've less stress.

 

Not all of us are cut out to be SAHM.  Perhaps part time somewhere would work for you?  Homeschooling while working part time is definitely something that can be done.  BTDT.

[Catwoman]

Friends have hired nannies.  They all regret not being there with the children, and their children are unavailable on the weekends as they are busy having quality parent time in their mansions. They do not regret having a retirement income source.  I will never be able to catch up to what I could have earned if I stayed full time, but on the other hand, I don't have the desire to summer here, winter there etc. and I don't feel that my children need to vacation in Vail each year. So different strokes...you have to decide what will work for your situation.

  

 

You know, I can't let this pass unremarked.I've hired a nanny and I do not regret it. I do not live in a mansion and I most certainly do not "summer here, winter there". I think your broad-brush judgement of people who used paid child care is inaccurate and smacks of Mommy War judgement of others' choices. Not everyone who pays for child care is heartless, we don't all regret it, and we are not a bunch of high flyers with trust funds. You doth protest too loud. Maybe you have regrets about your own choices? But please don't judge mine.

I didn't get the impression that Heigh Ho was referring to anyone other than the specific people she knew. I'm not sure why you thought she was judging your choices, particularly since it doesn't even sound like you fit the same demographic description as the friends she was discussing.

 

I think you're taking her post far too personally.

[The Girls' Mom]

Have you talked to your husband about how he feels about you not working? Something that relieved me of a lot of financial guilt was knowing that my husband 100% wanted me to stay home and school our kids. Honestly, for him, it is way less stress knowing that he doesn't have to worry about the day to day stress of running a household AND working full time. In the past when I worked full time and our kids went to childcare/public school, it was more stressful on both of us.

[ThisIsTheDay]

Hey guys,

 

I wanted opinions on wether I should homeschool my daughter or send her to school and I could get a job? Do any of you regret not going to work? I feel like my daughters education is so important, but I am scared of throwing my life away in a way to just stay home and homeschool.do any of you feel or have felt this way?

 

I don't think you'll find your answer on whether or not to homeschool by asking others if you should.  It's a very personal decision, unique to each family, and even then not always one consistent answer.  Some may be better of homeschooling; others may not.  There's no one right choice.

 

I quit work and began hsing 12 years ago. I went back to work part time a few years ago, still have one child homeschooling.

 

If I'd worked (at least full time) while my kids were growing up, I would have considered that to be throwing my life away.  I had my husband's full support and encouragement, and while we made sacrifices for me to stay home full time, the homeschooling part of it was never considered a sacrifice.  Not everyone is in that same situation.

 

No regrets here.  EVER. NEVER.