Do you find it frustrating and/or difficult to get your child the social interaction they need?

[Soror]

After trying for weeks to arrange something for the kids and have it fall through due to weather and general hs mom flakiness I'm so saddened and frustrated. I've known for awhile that my son needs more of a social outlet then what he is getting (especially being the only boy in our house) but I haven't been up to much with the new baby and chronic sleep deprivation. Last night however I took him and my oldest daughter to their first TKD class, they loved it, which is saying a lot for my son (as he is often ambivalent). I told my husband it is kind of like buying friends.

 

The classes have a ton of boys my son's age and from what I've looked at around here it seems to be the best option I have to get my son time with other boys that he is craving (I want to look into dance for my daughter as that is her interest but classes aren't open now). I wish I could arrange time with other hs kids but I guess that just isn't going to work out. I don't know if other kids don't have that need, other parents are too busy, don't want to visit or don't care. My kids are the social butterfly types though and I can foresee lots of driving in my future. I had planned to sign up ds anyway as I think it will be good for him in a multitude of ways, it is just the lack of social time that put me over the edge to do it sooner rather than later. 

 

So, am I the only one that perceives this as a difficulty? Can we talk about this without devolving into dismissing the hs stereotypes? I told my husband it seems it would be easier if my kids were the loner type :) I just want to make sure I listen to their needs and wants but doing so is certainly not the easiest choice. I do know however that I was always frustrated with my parents for never allowing me to try anything, my only options were softball and basketball through the school, neither of which appealed to me at all. I've also noticed reading a lot of hs success stories (student did well and was happy) it seems that the parents worked hard to find outside opportunities that met the needs of their child.

[rebot]

Yes, yes and yes.  This is my first year homeschooling and all is going well except for social interaction.  I'm a homebody at heart.  In the midst of a crazy Michigan winter, we may only leave the house once a week.  My son thrives when he has kids his age to play with, but it is hard to find a child that we both like and also a parent that I like.  I'm not looking for a mom BFF, but I do want someone that I can interact with and has somewhat similar parenting ideas as I do.  

[ondreeuh]

I finally got my son into after school clubs at the local school. He can't really do sports and he struggles academically, and the only class he was kinda interested in was too far away. He now goes to the middle school twice a week for clubs and has started making friends. What a relief.

[Χά�ων]

Can't say that I do. DS is big into sports everything so that may have something to do with it. 

[Shellydon]

We have many active homeschool groups here, so it has not been a problem.  My kids participate in a weekly co-op.  I teach classes to make sure they have fun classes that will draw kids their ages.  They do music lessons,  and AWANA weekly along with Girls Scouts twice a month.  I also host kids at my house frequently.  For example I'll send out a email to our co-op that says on Friday afternoon, I am having a 3rd/4th grade girls craft day or game day.  We'll have 6-12 girls over to play for 2-3 hours.   The only hard part of socialization is that I am an introvert and would rather stay quietly home.  I find that I just have to buck up and do what is necessary for my kids to have plenty of friend time.  I really strive for consistent social interaction with many of the same friends. A few years ago, when talking to homeschool graduates, they felt that friendships was one of the main areas that their education lacked, so I work really hard to make that happen for my kids.

[Soror]

I've done some organizing myself but in general I find many hs moms to be flaky (especially ones that have kids that my kids connect to it seems). It is really tiring to plan something and have people be late or not show up and always doing all the work is a bit annoying. We do scouts and AHG and co-op but it isn't enough. Co-op is generally every other week but we don't always have an event where everyone can have enough time to hang out and play. The kids enjoy scouts but 1 hr a week isn't much.  Neither of my kids have been very into sports, although I think ds will be well-suited to TKD. We don't have a ton of options here, there is just one hs group. I have thought about seeing if the kids can participate in some of the afterschool clubs when they are older but from what I've heard that doesn't really happen around here.

[Χά�ων]

I've done some organizing myself but in general I find many hs moms to be flaky (especially ones that have kids that my kids connect to it seems). It is really tiring to plan something and have people be late or not show up and always doing all the work is a bit annoying. 

:iagree:  :iagree:

 

I gave up. I stalk museums and ask the high school groups if DS and I can tag along behind on a tour.

[Lilaclady]

Yes. I found that I really need to be proactive about getting my kids out and involved for them to make friends. I have had to start some groups and also put them in a coop mostly for then social interaction. As they are getting older, it is becoming easier as they tend to have a couple of friends that they want to stick with.

[MomintheMountains]

This is my biggest challenge, especially as my boys are getting older. We live in a very rural area and there aren't a lot of activities. My oldest ended up going to high school because of this issue. My 10, soon to be 11 year old, is looking for more interaction right now. The 8 and 6 year olds are not quite as antsy, but they are always asking me to arrange "play dates", which I rarely do because aside from the fact that I work and am busy, the idea of sitting around my house for hours on end supervising play dates doesn't really sound like my idea of a good time. We drive to a coop that is 45 minutes away, but it is not holding together very well.

[Rachel]

I struggle with this too, my son is craving male friendships.  I like to just be at home, one kid activity per week is enough for me, otherwise other things fall through the cracks.  Plus my other two kids still need naps (or rest time).  We are very active at church but our life group only has girls, our best friends only have girls, the two homeschool boys who are semi-close to my son's age live 30+ minutes away in different directions.  Trying to work out a time to get together is hard, the day we are free they have co-op.  The day they are free I have bible study.  We have a ton of co-ops here, but I'd really just like to find a park or support group.  Our library has a group twice a month and I have found a weekly gym class for homeschoolers, but they meet during naptime for my youngest he can only miss his nap one time a week or he's a bear.  I think (hope!) it will get easier in a year or two.

[Runningmom80]

I struggle as well. My ds just doesn't connect with many kids. He seems fine about it, but I am feeling like he needs more than one friend.

[Ellie]

No. :-)

 

We had Sunday school and church on Sunday morning, children's clubs on Wednesday evenings, a children's musical once or twice a year, weekly dance classes and several dance competitions through the year, Camp Fire and 4-H activities, monthly park days with the support group, periodic get-togethers with other hs friends (I don't do "play dates"), random neighborhood children stuff.

 

I wouldn't have done co-ops or any other weekly/bi-weekly classes with other homeschoolers. The few times we ventured into similar activities later on in our homeschooling years we lost focus on our home life. Being outside the home on a regular basis before, oh, three in the afternoon was a killer for us.

[madteaparty]

Actually, yes. It requires a tremendous amount of work on my part. I think it will get better as we get more integrated into the homeschooling world (we are still getting our bearings, and moved from NYC to a rural area) but yes, we do miss the built-in daily social interaction that public school afforded.

 

It would help if my kid was into group sports, but he is not; he plays tennis. DH coached a FLL team this past semester and that helped, but again, once a week is not enough.

We are taking a days' worth of classes at a homeschool-support type school, and he will stay for their afterschool program. Trying to arrange playdates is the bane of my existence, so we need to have the built-in, frequent one that such classes will afford. I don't have any academic expectations of them.

[regentrude]

No. I was worried about it, but found it not a problem.

 

We joined a homeschool group that had weekly get togethers for social purposes - park, skating rink. Both my kids made friends there.

DD is extremely extroverted and craves people. She also made friends in her children's choir and at the barn where she rides horses. When she was younger, she used to be at the barn for several hours most days of the week and often on the weekends, so she had plenty of company there.

 

DS is an introvert, and for many years the weekly homeschool group meeting was enough for him to satisfy his social needs. He got together with one of his friends outside of park day every few weeks. Now during the last two years he has come a bit out of his shell, joined several martial arts groups and made friends there. He has a group of friends over at our house two nights a week for martial arts practice and socializing, goes to home school group, sees his friends at his martial arts classes several days a week.

 

Due to our location, socializing for the kids does take a lot of driving. Our homeschool group is area wide, and many families live rural, so meetings can be in town or half an hour drive away. I made these meetings a priority every week and arranged my work schedule so that this time was available. My son's best friend lives half an hour away, so whenever they wanted to get together, it involved me having the friend for a sleepover and taking him back home in the morning. But it is important to me, so we make it work.

 

ETA: Now, don't get me started on the topic of finding academic peers for my kids. That has proved impossible until DD began dual enrollment at the university at age 14.

[LLMom]

I have always had this problem.  I think it is mostly because we have always lived in a more rural area.  I have a lot of children so they always had each other to play with, but they needed more, especially the ones that are shy.  I spent/spend a lot of time in the car to make it happen. 

[Chrysalis Academy]

Yes, I personally find this challenging because I'm an introvert/homebody and I'm fine if I don't seen anybody but my family.  My older dd is fine, she has several close friends who live nearby that she gets together with on the weekends (they call each other to arrange it, so it's not all on me) and one of her two extracurriculars - theater - is incredibly social and time-intensive, so after a two-month stint of rehearsals 3+ nights a week and then performances, we're all ready for a break!  She's fine.  But my 2nd grader feels it.  She is so much healthier (psychologically) and happier being out of ps, but she does miss the social interactions, and she's at an age where I have to be really involved in setting them up, which is hard for me.  She does Brownies, but that's just twice a month, and she does one other activity once a week.  She goes through spurts where she really wants to be with other kids, and spurts where she wants to be a homebody.  

 

It's on my mind a lot, how to balance things out for her and give her the social interactions she needs.  I don't really have an answer.  

[leeannpal]

So far, this has been the most frustrating thing about homeschooling for us. Dd likes homeschooling itself, but she is social and misses interaction on a daily basis with other kids. She is in gymnastics and attends a church program once a week. I make it a point to do a "field trip" of sorts at least once a week too.  We live in a rural area for now, but we are renting and looking at housing in an area that has much more to do mainly because we think she needs more social interaction.

 

[MysteryJen]

For us, it has been a combination of neighborhood kids (not always the perfect match, but people to hang out with and play video games and pick up basketball) and swim team. Seeing the same group of kids every single day during the week and on a lot of weekends has been the key to finding friends. For the swim team kids, their best friends (no matter where they go to school) are on the team.

 

And they are friends with each other.

[stripe]

I find it much easier when it's not winter, especially horrendously cold, because I can send my kids to play outside for hours. My kids have quite a group of neighborhood kids to play with and I've supplemented with sports classes, but it hasn't necessarily led to great friendships. I think also activities with families you know, regardless of educational status, is helpful, if you have friends with kids who get along with yours. It's definitely something I work on, and am not always successful at, so that's why I am happy there are so many kids who play outside and are close in age to my kids, right near my house.

[Arcadia]

 Last night however I took him and my oldest daughter to their first TKD class, they loved it, which is saying a lot for my son (as he is often ambivalent). I told my husband it is kind of like buying friends.

 

We are in the "buying friends" stage too.  It could be the age thing too for my boys.  My 9 year old started badly wanting company other than his only sibling about a year ago.  Before that it was just polite complaints now and then.  Now we are waitlisted even for YMCA's parents night out.  I need to get them registered for the summer camps they want soon before it is all booked out.

 

ETA:

Both my boys are more of introverts. However 9 year old is socially adept and get compliments from his teachers even when he was in preschool but my 8 year old gets all the complaints (which are unfortunately valid).   We are working on the 8 year old's behavior.

 

We don't even live in a rural area and it is difficult.  Most kids around here go to school all day.  They go home and probably do homework then rinse and repeat.  Extracurricular stuff is done at the school.  So if you aren't in that loop, there aren't a ton of other options.

 

Same here and my area is densely populated. No kid in sight from 8:30am until dinner time even on weekends.  We have to go to the libraries after school hours if we want to see any kids.

[Tiramisu]

I have found it very hard. Two of my kids crave social activities to the point that they never seem satisfied. One social activity per day is not enough for them. My 11 yo is now in school and that's part of the reason. I completely wore myself out trying to provide enough activities to keep her sufficiently stimulated.

 

The most difficult part for me is meeting the needs of different age groups. Once I had a high schooler, our ability to spend time on outings and social things was really cut down, which wasn't beneficial for the younger ones. And choosing activities that suit everyone's interests at their different ages is hard.

 

My second is going to high school next year for social reasons. She is not particularly extroverted but she has had a hard time finding kids with similar interests close by. I am not willing to spend time in the car the way I did years ago. I am tired and it's just too expensive.

[Elisabet1]

This is a huge issue with us.

 

In the home school community, your children cannot just be friends with someone, you have to be friends with their parents too, or they are not friends. I have found the religious home schoolers in our area (not saying this everywhere, but it does go on here) seem to be exclusive to their church. It does not even matter if you are a Christian too, you are not in THEIR church. And the secular home schoolers, I am just not interested in. I have been to some of the meetings here (again, not saying it is like this everywhere, but it is like this here) and they seem to be unable to get through a get together without religion bashing or political bashing. Add in the high number of unschoolers who call making your children do anything child abuse, the secular groups in my area have not worked out.

 

We are not attending a church at this point and I do not foresee us returning. We had attended one for many years, but it fell apart. I took a good hard look at what they were teaching and realized I was just there for attendance sake. We joined it when we first moved here, which was right after college. I really did not like the people there, the teachings, etc. They were backstabbing and extreme liberal. While preaching tolerance, they were very intolerant of anyone who did not buy in to their views. For example, I was criticized a lot for home schooling and at one point, the youth pastor, who did not even know me, told me that only people who have bad homes and want to cover up for something home school. Lovely. My dh put me in charge of finding a new church. I visited a few places, and he went along a few times. Finally, I found a church I loved. After months of going, my dh joined me. He liked it at first. But eventually, he did not. I think he got tired of going. I suppose there are little things that one could pick at. But for me, it was everything I wanted in my church. And it really felt like a "church family." For my dh though, he said he didn't want to be that involved in church and hated that they had things like <gasp> luncheons after church, or monthly get togethers involving a dinner and such. After that, I floated around looking for a church we could agree on and realized it will not happen. Everything that was most important to me in a church was exactly what my dh did not want. I wanted a church family, he wanted a place to clock in for an hour on Sunday morning and then be done with it for the rest of the week.

 

But the point was not the church....the point is...where do we socialize? I am not going to attend a church that I do not like or doesn't teach things I value just for the sake of having a social group. Where does one find middle of the road home schoolers?

 

This issue is my biggest challenge. Right now, I pay for my children to be in activites where they interact with others. I am tired of being broke though!  This is the one huge issue that sucks the life of home schooling out of me.

 

I wish I had a solution. Good luck! If you find something that works, come back and share it.

[Dolphin]

I found that as we left traditional school at 2nd grade, we were already plugged into traditional activities. We did not do a lot with other homeschoolers, for a lot of the reasons you mentioned. That was great for the first few years, but then I realized that the kids and I both needed to spend some time with others who were experiencing this life.

 

As much as homeschool is growing, we are still a bunch of social rebels out on a limb. I talked to another homeschool mom and she had the same issue. Last spring we started a homeschool recess. We started a FB group, very local as most homeschool activities seem to on the other side of town. We picked a day and met at the park once a week. As it got colder we talked to local libraries. Most wanted to charge, but one gives 2 hours free to any non profit children's group (not registered non profit, just no sales). We meet and bring board games and such.

 

We have stayed away from organizing anything. If one or 2 families don't show up, no biggie. No one is relying on anyone. It is purely a time for the kids to play and the moms to talk. Just a thought as it was really not much to set up, and now it just happens each week. 

 

Other than that, we do stick with traditional activities. TKD and Dance are great ones. We also have a middle school boys choir that my son does. The director is great with working with them as their voices are changing.

[Rachel]

I found that as we left traditional school at 2nd grade, we were already plugged into traditional activities. We did not do a lot with other homeschoolers, for a lot of the reasons you mentioned. That was great for the first few years, but then I realized that the kids and I both needed to spend some time with others who were experiencing this life.

 

As much as homeschool is growing, we are still a bunch of social rebels out on a limb. I talked to another homeschool mom and she had the same issue. Last spring we started a homeschool recess. We started a FB group, very local as most homeschool activities seem to on the other side of town. We picked a day and met at the park once a week. As it got colder we talked to local libraries. Most wanted to charge, but one gives 2 hours free to any non profit children's group (not registered non profit, just no sales). We meet and bring board games and such.

 

We have stayed away from organizing anything. If one or 2 families don't show up, no biggie. No one is relying on anyone. It is purely a time for the kids to play and the moms to talk. Just a thought as it was really not much to set up, and now it just happens each week.

 

Other than that, we do stick with traditional activities. TKD and Dance are great ones. We also have a middle school boys choir that my son does. The director is great with working with them as their voices are changing.

I love the idea of using the library, I may have to steal this idea. I don't mind the park, but right now it's too cold.

[Dolphin]

I love the idea of using the library, I may have to steal this idea. I don't mind the park, but right now it's too cold.

 

Steal it. A lot of libraries have conference rooms. That way the kids can be loud, and run. With 27 kids in a conference room, most of us moms leave with headaches, but it is so worth it. It is incentive during the week to get work done, and the kids leave exhausted. 

[musicianmom]

Yes, it's hard. And we do lots of activities, too. But it's not the same. My dd8 makes friends easily, but then she wants to spend time with her friends when they can actually hang out and play. But she's still young enough so I have to arrange the get-togethers. And we rarely get invitations in return. And then my other kids want to have a friend over at the same time, but they don't have as many friends bc they're younger. And I have just enough social anxiety that arranging these things is torture for me.

[regentrude]

We picked a day and met at the park once a week.

.... If one or 2 families don't show up, no biggie. No one is relying on anyone. It is purely a time for the kids to play and the moms to talk. Just a thought as it was really not much to set up, and now it just happens each week. 

 

I found that this is the way to go: have a standing date, fixed day and time, recurring every week. Just post the location on a fb group or some other site. Whoever shows up, shows up, but nobody has to feel guilty for not making it. Everybody knows when it is and can plan accordingly. I found this works much better than trying to arrangeing get togethers anew for every single date.

[helena]

Oh yeah, I was heart broken at not knowing how to provide my kids with the socialization they wanted. Homeschool play groups didn't work for us, and I quickly started to feel like a homeschool cliche. I can still see and hear them in tears, telling me how lonely they were for friendships and adventure.

 

Each daughter is different in personality, but in the end, fencing met both their needs. It's a club environment, which they like. They have occasional movie nights there, fussball, couches to hang out on and chat. There's boys and girls, so they get a chance to navigate friendships with the opposite sex. And, there's lots and lots of exercise. :)

 

Something heavy was lifted off of me when my 2nd kid settled into fencing. It was that "Everything is going to be okay" feeling. I mean... you know, not everything, but that thing, yeah. Problem solved!

It feels good, everyday.

 

Right now my husband is driving to class 5 nights a week. Soon it'll be just 3. He thinks it's worth it. It's rough, but oh well. 

 

 

[Walking-Iris]

Just my two cents. FWIW. 

 

This is not a homeschool problem.

 

I don't really have any homeschool friends locally except one family. Most of the homeschool families here aren't interested in secular homeschoolers. Most of my friends with children are public school or private school moms. And this comes up all the time. We're always talking about getting the kids together blah blah but it doesn't happen. In talking with them they aren't really getting their kids together with others outside of school or organized activities either.

 

That's just the reality----homeschool or not homeschool. Kids are just simply busy with school and sports and lessons etc, so that means their parents are busy as well. 

 

Their kids are around kids all day at school, so they don't really think about it as much. School is the time their kids see  another kids. But there isn't a whole lot of just relaxed kids playing without any adult organization going on here.

 

We had neighborhood kids a few time. But I live on a quiet street with lots of elderly couples and kids in high school, so there isn't a lot of kid stuff.

 

My kid's closest friends are each other and their cousins. 

 

And they have adult friends. My oldest has Asperger's and finds it difficult to interact. He has an art mentor this year ( a couple who is also their unofficial official godparents whom we've had serious discussions about living wills with) and they get along famously. 

 

When I was a kid (in public school) I didn't have friends really. I had classmates or the occasional neighborhood playmate. But it wasn't till high school that I had real friendships. 

 

My DH grew up in the same small town and he agrees. He remembers being in elementary school with kids, but he doesn't remember feeling a true friendship towards some of them until he was a teen.

 

But then again teens don't wait for their parents to organize playdates! 

 

 

 

 

[Shellydon]

All of the groups I know of have started from 1 mom deciding her child needs something.  In my area, there are more than 100 weekly play groups or co-ops, each one started by a determined mom.  It can take time for your group to grow, but it will.  Pick a day and place (Tuesdays 2-4, City Park) and get the word out.  Good luck!

[srs]

It has been on my mind lately, as it has become harder to find a good fit for my oldest, who is academically on/above grade level, but physically disabled. She can't keep up with the other kids at park days, and she hasn't aged into more academic hobbies yet. She loves her dance class, but I put her with the preschoolers for gross motor ability, and this will only work for so long. 

[Snow]

Us too. We are in the same place as many of you on this. Very few kids in the neighborhood and they are often busy. Ds only kinda connects with a couple boys at a play group but their still young so my dd would have to come along and...hang with the moms at the kids house??

 

It's such a difficult situation because there are so many variables. We just got done with a play date and it went pretty well. But this is our first in while because we haven't found the right combination of ages for my two kids and a mom I can chat with for 2-3 hrs and a kids who at least kind of like the things. Even today, ds was just so-so bc this boy only wanted to play Legos the whole time and ds can do it a while but then wants to play outside or sports or something.

 

Ds has never made friends with someone from his sports teams only buddies to chat with while he's there.

 

Anyway I agree it takes way more effort on my part than I was expecting.

[mommymonster]

It's odd, but we do fine with our play group -- there are weekly and monthly get togethers, and then random "field trips." It's actually quite lovely. And even better, most of the kids in the HS play group are quirky, similar to DS8, but they tend to get along. The boys also do swimming, which isn't really social time, but it seems to be social enough for them.

 

The hard part for us is dealing with our neighborhood kids. They are all older or just too "cool" to hang out with DS. So unfortunately, today, everyone is hanging out on our hill, sledding, but none of them will play with DS8. It's just a bit heartbreaking. And he's trying so hard to be cool and calm about meeting more kids. Sigh. We're also dealing with "fading" friendships from public school... the PS kids are just so busy, we are finding it impossible to get on their "calendars." Probably not exactly the social interaction issue you were thinking, but this is our challenge. 

[Kevin'sMom]

This is a big problem for us, as well. We live in a rural area of Missouri, and we are even miles outside the small town near us.

I have been wondering about this: my 10-year-old granddaughter, who goes to a very fine private school in Wisconsin, collaborates online with her classmates on Google Docs etc., doing research and other classwork. Would this be an option for any of us? Phone calls, online collaboration of any kind? For example, my son is 10 and totally loves Shakespeare and art, among other things. I'm wondering if it would be fun and helpful to work together with someone on a project, especially another boy around his age.

 

I know he needs to be involved more socially. He does go to chess club once a week, but even that has been cancelled lately due to the extreme weather. We are planning to move to Athens, Georgia within a year or so, mainly so he can have more opportunities to socialize.

[My3girls]

We get out of the house at least once a week, but my girls don't think that that is enough. It's hard because there are so many different schedules and priorities at play plus the having to get along with the parents aspect. It's hard enough for me to make friends, but now, I have to make friends with people who have kids that my kids like, too. And there is always the money aspect.

 

There is a HS group in the area that has monthly moms meetings. I am going to my first one next Monday. I have taken the girls to a couple of the kids get- togethers, but they haven't made any real friends yet. They have had fun, though, so I am hoping that we'll find a "home" there. We, also, participate in Girl Scouts (2x a month) and 4-h(1x a month). Their art class starts 2/27 and meets once a week. I am hoping that that will help.

 

The family that we started our HS journey with has taken a different course, and I think we are drifting a part which makes me sad. The girls all got along with her girls, and I thought we got a long pretty well, too. However, they never want to go anywhere or do anything. I suggest things all the time, and it's not that they are doing anything else. They just say everything is boring or too hard. I'm all so staying home and watching Netflix is better? Maybe, I annoy her with my gung-oh-ness?

[Elisabet1]

This is a big problem for us, as well. We live in a rural area of Missouri, and we are even miles outside the small town near us.

I have been wondering about this: my 10-year-old granddaughter, who goes to a very fine private school in Wisconsin, collaborates online with her classmates on Google Docs etc., doing research and other classwork. Would this be an option for any of us? Phone calls, online collaboration of any kind? For example, my son is 10 and totally loves Shakespeare and art, among other things. I'm wondering if it would be fun and helpful to work together with someone on a project, especially another boy around his age.

 

I know he needs to be involved more socially. He does go to chess club once a week, but even that has been cancelled lately due to the extreme weather. We are planning to move to Athens, Georgia within a year or so, mainly so he can have more opportunities to socialize.

I have wished for a chat board for our kids. But it would have to be very moderated, with seriously restricted enrollment. Maybe just kids of people who have more than X posts here and Y months?

[Jackie]

I do worry about it. I have an extrovert only-child daughter; DH and I are both introverts and homebodies. DD is currently pre-k. She goes to a play-based preschool two days a week while I work and while that would be plenty of social time for me, she begs on a nearly daily basis for us to set up more play dates. We're trying to set up play dates, but most of the preschool parents work full time, most organized activities around here are on Saturdays, so that only leaves Sunday for play dates - when we put forth the effort to arrange something. I hate to think what this is going to look like when we don't have those two days of preschool or the kids there to try to arrange things with.

[Tracy]

This is sooooo frustrating.  No, you are not the only one.  I run a play group, which helps a lot.  We invite everyone we know to come over at a set time.  That way when people flake out or get sick, we still have a play date.  We meet only 2x/month, and even with a dozen families invited, we have still had occasions where no one has shown up.  But we generally have at least a couple of families show up.  We get more people when someone other than me hosts it (novelty, I guess, is more inviting) or when someone plans a field trip.  So overall, it has been very good, but still frustrating at times.

[Farrar]

No.

 

I think it's a little luck and a little doing something right though.

 

The luck part is living in an urban area with lots of people and lots of homeschoolers with a similar enough outlook that I can find a social group.  I know with the religious politics of homeschooling that a lot of people have trouble with that on all sides.  Also, we have been going all the way through and I lucked into a preschool homeschooling group that was a good group.  Almost everyone from that group went on to homeschool for the school years and I think knowing the social support was out there really helped.

 

The doing something right part has been being willing to drive all over creation, being willing to be out of the house a lot, being willing to put things together and host things myself, being willing to see open-ended social time as important and not a waste of our day, and putting myself out there and making friends with the parents because that's just as important as the kids getting along (probably more so).

[shanvan]

I used to be frustrated and spent lots of time arranging events and attending events that exhausted me.  Then I stopped and just let my kids pursue their interests.  I did continue to make an effort with kids/parents we clicked with.  For a while we were to ourselves a lot.  Now I am more frustrated with trying to carve out some time away from social interaction so we can regroup and fit in some down time.  

 

We have a writing class 2 times a month, 4H clubs, dog classes and shows/trials, piano, and other events we say no to.  I worry more about downtime than anything else at this point.  I wonder if, as kids get older and carve out interests they more naturally meet kids they can be friends with b/c of shared interests.  Then it becomes less of a burden on the parent.

[Farrar]

 Now I am more frustrated with trying to carve out some time away from social interaction so we can regroup and fit in some down time.  

 

Yep.  I hear that.

 

I am glad that I put in a lot of time when the kids were younger building friendships and a good social circle.  I now am in a position to trust that that's there for us.  Now it's more finding a way to bow out sometimes.  If I was trying to build that social circle now *and* get school done, I think I'd go mad.  It was way easier when school was just half an hour of playing with C-rods and practicing letters.

[MomintheMountains]

I have wished for a chat board for our kids. But it would have to be very moderated, with seriously restricted enrollment. Maybe just kids of people who have more than X posts here and Y months?

My 10 year old really wants this. I told him I would look and see if anything existed like this and so far I haven't found anything. I told him that maybe we could try to start a homeschooler chat board. He is doing an online Socratic discussion group and it precipitated this desire of his because he would like to talk to the other kids a little more outside of the academic discussion time.

[DianeW88]

No.

 

We're pretty free range and old school, as is everyone in my neighborhood.  Kids go outside to play here and find other neighborhood kids to play with.  I don't (and never have) arranged "play dates".  If a child wants to play with mine, they knock on our door, or call on the phone.  My son does the same thing.

 

My son is in Scouts, and we have church activities as well.  All with the same neighborhood kids. 

 

As far as extra curriculars, he plays city league sports and takes martial arts.  But only because he's interested in the activity, not to make friends.  If that happens, it's collateral damage. :D

[MomintheMountains]

No.

 

We're pretty free range and old school, as is everyone in my neighborhood. Kids go outside to play here and find other neighborhood kids to play with. I don't (and never have) arranged "play dates". If a child wants to play with mine, they knock on our door, or call on the phone. My son does the same thing.

:D

Must be nice! I wish the nearest kid was closer than a half mile away.

[mommymilkies]

We don't even live in a rural area and it is difficult.  Most kids around here go to school all day.  They go home and probably do homework then rinse and repeat.  Extracurricular stuff is done at the school.  So if you aren't in that loop, there aren't a ton of other options.

That's how it is here, but rural. Kids are never outside and they're so busy with school stuff that it's pretty impossible. And there are a few things not through the school IF your child is a gifted athlete. If not, you're very limited. I do have a couple athletes and they still can't break into the social circles here because we are not townies and not accepted. I'm desperate to move.

[SereneHome]

This is such a sore subject for me.  First of all, we moved to this area fairly recently and neither my DH nor I have any friends here or family.  So, we can't even have get-together at our home bc we DON'T KNOW ANYONE.

 

Second of all, besides the flakiness of HS moms, I am finding out that many don't like to drive.  Well.....we don't live in NYC, so driving is kind of a requirement.

 

Then!!!!!  I don't have the best personality so when meeting new families I never know if 1) they just don't like me or 2) they really are sooooo busy or 3) they just don't want to drive or 4) our kids didn't click.

 

My oldest, 5.5, doesn't want to do ANY activities, but desperately wants to have friends.  So, I try to find him friends.  It is sooooo hard for me. 

 

I feel like I am dating all over again, except this time, I am dating in "pairs" - me AND the kids.

[Mergath]

It does get frustrating for us.  Dd is only five, so it isn't a huge issue yet, but I do worry about it.  There is only one hsing group in town here, and they're extremely religious.  Their statement of faith actually says that any member who they determine has dressed inappropriately will be kicked out.  :blink:  So as non-Christians, there's no way we'd even consider that.  

 

We get out a fair amount- each week dd has bowling, storytime at the library, a playgroup thing through the school, time at the Y's child area whenever I work out, and two sessions of speech therapy- so it isn't as if we aren't out and around people, but a lot of times she seems content to hang out on her own and just read or watch the other kids.  I suppose that means there's a good chance she's going to be an introvert, but then she watches tv shows about how great friendship is (stuff like My Little Pony) and tells me that she wants a group of close friends to play with every day.

 

Anyway, it's something I think about quite a bit.

 

 

 

[Soror]

We live rural here, there are no neighborhood kids to play together on the street. I just found out recently that one neighbor a mile up the road has boys but they are a few years younger than mine (I have tried to make some connections but it hasn't happened yet as the mom is very shy- there is another boy a bit further up the road and he isn't interested as mine is too young for him- although I get along great with his mom). I have worked hard on organizing things. I had a boys science club a few years back for this explicit purpose, but people started flaking out and I grew too tired with pregnancy. We've always done co-op as well and my son always has kids to play with but he's never connected to any of them as a good friend. I've tried to arrange that more but it seems that people are too busy, not interested or flake out. There aren't tons of clubs around here or mom's groups. There is 1 hs group, which I've done a significant amount of the work and planning to keep going and 1 mom's group. They have sports teams for various things but nothing that has ever been a real interest to my kids. I've started the kids in scouts and yet again done a ton of work in organizing both AHG and Scouts and we strongly considered establishing a Robotics Club for 4H as well but considering everything else we weren't up to it this year. 

 

So, I really have put work in here but either it hasn't worked out in the long run due to various reasons or it just isn't enough for my son especially. In the last year or so he's really gotten more and more needy of that time with other boys specifically. My girls are younger and can play with each other, my son plays with them as well but it doesn't quite fill him up. Also, my kids so far are the type who just love being around people, all the time. 

 

I think those that live in urban areas and/or areas with a lot of opportunities don't grasp the lack of stuff out there. I have a friend who lives in town and her kids have others to play with quite often, just on their street. We have to do playdates here for that to happen, kids just don't wander out and walk a mile up the highway.

 

We did library time when he was younger and as I said we've always done co-op but there's not been anything big that there was an interest for(there are various sports, TKD, 4H (currently only offered on the same nights as we have Scouts) and just recently dance but afaik that is pretty much it for the ages of mine), not for the younger ages. I tried TKD around 5ish but I didn't really feel he was ready then and the money was a stretch. Now, we've had the money the past few years but to be honest with an exhausting pregnancy and babyhood I haven't felt up to it.

 

It seems as I've thought that it requires a lot of work and a lot of driving for some of us, especially if we don't live in areas with a lot of offerings. I just get tired of being the ones having to start and organize everything the kids want to do.

[Walking-Iris]

That's how it is here, but rural. Kids are never outside and they're so busy with school stuff that it's pretty impossible. And there are a few things not through the school IF your child is a gifted athlete. If not, you're very limited. I do have a couple athletes and they still can't break into the social circles here because we are not townies and not accepted. I'm desperate to move.

 

Don't I live like 2 minutes from you... ;) 

 

Why our kids don't do things together more often is beyond me...

 

We're in walking and bike riding distance.

 

Something I should know?..... LOL

[linders]

I did find that building relationships with other homeschool kids became difficult, especially as my two got older. When they were toddlers/young elementary, park days and group playdates at homes worked great, but as their group of kids got older, meshing school/activity/younger sibs nap schedules seemed more and more difficult. Moms with youngers along wanted morning get-togethers, but moms with olders (like me) found that we didn't want to sacrifice prime school time. And as they got older, the individual interests of the kids mattered more in terms of compatibility.

 

Now, both DS13 and DS10 have almost all friends through their activities (swim team, scouts, running club, orchestra), although most of these friends go to school. I don't see it as buying social interaction. Rather, it is an opportunity to hang out with kids who have similar interests.