Anyone else dreading Thanksgiving family drama?

[BlueTaelon]

The holidays come with drama and this year will be no exception. My mother expects us to come to her house, she hasn't said anything yet but I know its expected, were gluten free, without fail every year something gets messed up and I get sick. There's also the fact that I can not drink the water in their new house. I get really sick from it, I can't eat anything thats been cooked in it no matter how long it was boiled. No idea what the problem is but the local well water makes me very sick. (There was heavy mining in the area for over 100 years, guessing its the toxins in the ground) My house is on city water and doesn't bother me. That said I will tell my mother were having it at my house this year, she and her DH are welcome to come and bring their own stuffing and apple pie, I will be serving GF versions they find unacceptable. (yes, rude I know but every holiday they have made ME bring our safe food for us and I will not contaminate our kitchen with gluten, I react to trace amounts)

 

I'm pretty sure she's intending to invite my 2 uncles who live up here, I like 1, the other, I manage to piss off just by existing, he's cranky and intolerant beyond belief. I keep my mouth shut when were eating meals together at my moms house to keep the peace. I have managed to avoid him the past month since were in our own place now:) I'd really rather not invite him but I'd never hear the end of it if I didn't.

 

I'm pretty sure my mom will decline coming but oh boy is it going to cause a stink. I plan to have xmas at our house too, you should have seen the stink when I refused to show up at her house at 6am xmas morning to open the presents they got for the kids. (I said we would come at 10am) Yes, she expected us to get up, eat, have our own xmas celebration and leave by 5:45am.  We decided to just stay the night at her house xmas eve to save the fuss, it was fate that my car wouldn't start that evening:) Honest, I had nothing to do with it. The cold zapped the battery, great timing though! We had a wonderful slow xmas morning with a big fire going:) She ended up picking us up around noon for xmas dinner I think:)

 

Anyway, holidays mean drama in my family, I don't remember to many pleasant ones. All I want is a calm meal in my own home with no drama where I don't have to watch every word I say.

 

Who else is dreading the family drama?

[bolt.]

Are you looking mostly for company... or perhaps advice?

 

I'm bad company, but I'm also quite the know-it-all when it comes to helpful suggestions... perhaps the two traits are related.

[shanvan]

Sort of... We have very little and possibly nothing to spend this year since Dh is unemployed.  Even if he should find a job before the holidays I don't see myself deciding to live it up and spend.  

 

We have to tell the families that we will not be buying gifts this year for anyone.  We simply are not in a position to do so.  Dh & I are also in agreement that we will spend time with the families on a day other than their gift exchange day so that we will not feel awkward and fewer people will be tempted to buy for us since we prefer they do not. I don't think it is going to go over big, but I figure anyone who does not understand will just have to get over it.  It is what it is.

 

I have no idea how Sil paid for all the gifts she bought when her Dh was unemployed (though I suspect credit cards), but we are not doing it.  So Dh and I are in agreement.  We know how we are going to handle the holidays and we just are not going to let the relatives' reactions bother us.  At least that's the idea.  I'll let you know if we are successful! LOL We will probably make some baked goods and maybe something small for grandparents, but other than that, no gifts. We'll be focusing on other aspects of the season.

[bettyandbob]

I love my family. My MIL is super cool. We live with 10 minutes of my parents, 10 minutes of my brother, 40 min my sister, 45 min SIL, and 45 min MIL. I already told dh I didn't want to see anyone. He hasn't said what he wants, he seems to be following what I've said. Sounds weird, but partly is to preempt drama surrounding one of my dc. While my family is really great, there is someone who thinks they are helpful, but really have become hurtful and I need to give that dc space. dh knows this is the reason. 

 

I did want to go away to have a real excuse, but we don't have the money for that. 

[BlueTaelon]

Are you looking mostly for company... or perhaps advice?

 

I'm bad company, but I'm also quite the know-it-all when it comes to helpful suggestions... perhaps the two traits are related.

 

lol, company:)

[AimeeM]

We're going drama free. No extended family :) I think. Lol.

 

We're also going "no cook" again this year. Honey Baked Ham turkey and ham, sides, etc.

[AK_Mom4]

I think you are right on target.  A polite "We are having Thanksgiving dinner at our house this year, but will come over later for dessert.  Or you are welcome to join us for dinner." might get you out of it with a minimum of fuss.  But don't count on it.  Holidays seem to touch some highly sensitive button with families and any sort of "changes" seem to spark terrible melt-downs.

 

Stick to your guns and just refuse to go to their place for meals.  Eventually, that will be the new "tradition".

[Mom-ninja.]

 That said I will tell my mother were having it at my house this year, she and her DH are welcome to come and bring their own stuffing and apple pie, I will be serving GF versions they find unacceptable. (yes, rude I know but every holiday they have made ME bring our safe food for us and I will not contaminate our kitchen with gluten, I react to trace amounts)

 

How is this rude? I don't consider it rude at all.

 

I will not make gluten versions of anything in my kitchen. Ever. I even put strict restrictions on gluten that someone wants to being into my house. It must be kept in a container away from everything else. I will serve you food if you have gluten on your plate or have touched gluten. I decided on this rule after my parents touched a gluten bum and then stuck their hands in the salad bag therefore ruining the salad for me. They did the same with the cheese slices. Then they used a spatula to get a burger and the spatula touched their buns and they put the spatula back onto the burger plate. I then could not eat a burger.

 

People who don't live with celiac or gluten sensitivity just don't think of every little detail to avoid cross contamination. There is nothing rude in protecting my health. My health is a higher priority than someone being put out or offended.

 

I offer to host Holiday meals and my parents will come. The first couple times I got in a fight with my mom because she brought gluten and got it all over my kitchen. My in-laws don't ever accept. Fine by me. They think a gluten free meal has got to be nasty and won't try anything. Their loss.

 

We sometimes go to my in-laws on a holiday but only after we have eaten at home. Then we just don't eat at their house. We usually take a walk while the rest of the family eats. My dh chooses to walk with me to support me so I'm not alone even though I've told him he can eat with his family. Love that man. 

 

I've tried taking my own food there to eat. It hasn't worked. I literally have to stay out of the kitchen because flour flies everywhere. Bread crumbs are everywhere. It's a nightmare for me.

 

We've taken food there to share and it sat untouched. No one would even try it. My dh was ticked about that one. They act like gluten free food is poison and refuse to eat it. They are being rude. I'm not because gluten actually is poison to me so I have a reason to decline eating. They're just picky.

 

So, I in no way worry about people thinking I'm rude when it comes to my food.

 

As for the rest of family drama....I kind of enjoy it. I like to sit back and watch. It's like watching a reality TV show. :lol:

[*Lulu*]

I feel your pain.

 

We have had some major life changes in our extended family this year, so we are choosing to keep the status quo. NEXT YEAR, however, I am seriously hoping we will begin a new nuclear family tradition of leaving town!

 

My family loves my kids, but, despite the fact that they are intelligent individuals, they refuse to understand the nature of the SN issues we are dealing with. The emotional regulation for my son with Aspergers always gets touchy around holiday events and when the inevitable meltdown occurs there are all these adults acting like they don't understand why his behavior is not age appropriate. I spend most of the day keeping the road as smooth as I can for him, then catching flak for coddling him too much. Seriously? I get that he needs to practice being flexible; we just choose to practice that within his normal routine where we can give him the space to recoup if he spirals out of control instead of on a day where his emotions, sugar consumption, and expectations are supercharged. (And he has a massive audience!)

 

There is a reason my pre-holiday shopping list always includes new bottles of booze. :P

[MyThreeSons]

I'm blessed to not have much drama around Thanksgiving. We will, most likely, go to my mother-in-law's house. I can bring what I want, or not bring anything at all. There will be plenty of food. I usually bring mashed potatoes and a ham, though. If I don't do the mashed potatoes, there won't be any. There will be at least a couple of casseroles of the sweet potato variety. 

 

Throughout the day, there will be anywhere from about 35 to 70+ people in and out. It may be on the low side this year, as many of us were together for Granny's 90th birthday celebration early in October. Most everyone gets along with everyone else just fine. The few potential conflicts will be avoidable -- with that many people, we don't actually sit down at the table together, and folks are spread out throughout the house, porches and yards. Plus, people come and go. We will go and stay throughout the afternoon, as I have no family in the area. 

 

There is much more likely to be drama among the small family gathering with my Mom, sister and her husband, and maybe my brother and his family -- six people, total. 

[bobbeym]

Me.

 

We've always gone to my parent's but most recently DH is on the outs with one of my brothers and semi-so with my dad. It's partly based on his/our religious beliefs and partly on the political climate (or really the overlap of those) and he feels greatly overwhelmed in holding his tongue when he's feeling particularly convicted to say something specific.   Add to that a potential for drama from my daughter-in-law's sister who typically hosts for their family and this year it's just a huge potential to be a mess.   I really want to just stay home but even making that decision will result in drama b/c my mom will get my reason but my dad won't and will turn our absence into a big deal. 

 

I'm trying not to even think ahead to Christmas. DH is not opposed to giving of gifts just because we can bless others with them, but he is opposed to celebrating Christmas itself for religious reasons.  I have NO IDEA how we're going to handle that situation.

[JessReplanted]

Two Words: Strong Boundaries.

 

Your holidays should not be miserable.

You don't want your kids to grow up and remember every holiday as an episode of misery.

 

There's nothing wrong with saying: "We're having Thanksgiving at home this year, and you are welcome to join us if you want to."

 

:grouphug:

[AlmiraGulch]

Thanksgiving may or may not be an issue for us this year.  My niece always hosts but we don't plan to go to her house this year because my sister (niece's mother) apparently isn't speaking to me.  

 

Honestly, I'm not even sure we'll be invited, which would be easiest, but if I know my niece she will refuse to be in the middle and invite us anyway.  Regardless, we won't go.  We'll just tell her we have other plans this year and that will be that.  The hitch will be if my parents show up.  They live out of state and were planning to be here this year, but since my mother was so ill I doubt they'll be able to make the trip.  I honestly hope not.  And if they do, I'll tell them that we thought they weren't coming and made other plans, but then I'll have to find time to go visit, and they'll be staying at my sister's.  

 

I'm kind of bothered, because Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday.  I love(d) getting together with family, the food, the conversation, the laughs...all of it.  It just isn't to be this year.  Now I'm trying to decide if I'm going to cook, which I don't want to do for just four of us, or if we'll go out, which is fine except it's expensive and money is tighter than usual this year. 

 

Speaking of money.....my husband and I have tentatively agreed to cut way back on gifts this year.  I just don't see him actually following through with his side of the family, though.  We decided to use our money for other things this year, and I hope he sticks to it.......

 

So, yeah....I'm with you.  And I really do usually love this time of year.

[Meadowlark]

Ah, yes, a lot of family drama here. I don't get along with my brother (he's a self proclaimed sociopath who totally fits the description) and so we go to my parents house and pretend everything fine when the tension is so high you could feel it across the street. There's been a decade of hurt and abuse from him and his wife, and so I had to cut off the relationship. It's very, very sad. So, yes, holidays are... Hard.

[Jennifer3141]

Two Words: Strong Boundaries.

 

Your holidays should not be miserable.

You don't want your kids to grow up and remember every holiday as an episode of misery.

 

There's nothing wrong with saying: "We're having Thanksgiving at home this year, and you are welcome to join us if you want to."

 

:grouphug:

 

Abso-freaking-lutely!

 

Every person posting here is a grown up. As grown ups, you don't have to participate in drama you don't want to. Walk away from it and give your children an awesomely good holiday instead.

[lavender's green]

I am really glad that when I first got married, my therapist gave me some friendly advice: don't do any holidays with your parents or in-laws in the first year, because if you do, you'll be expected to go every.single.time.  Set the tone early!

 

So, I am looking forward to a very nice, drama-free Thanksgiving. :D

 

However, when my mom recently visited she said that she wanted us to "talk in a month or two" to fix things with some family members I'm estranged from.  Of course "a month or two" lands smack-dab in the middle of the holidays.  Funny how that always happens.  :lol:   Anyway, they're 800 miles away, so they won't just show up on my doorstep (or if they do I'll know they've gone completely insane and won't let them in), and if they try to call I'll just ignore it.  If they send cards or letters DH will pre-read them for me so I'm not caught off-guard and get upset. 

[Santi]

We're going to dh's family this year. Yes, I'm a grown up and can make my own choices, but I'm not going to ruin his and my daughters Thanksgiving. That means I get to hang out with my terrible mother-in-law for a few days while she gives me dirty looks and talks about how she wishes dh would've married a pretty jewish girl.

[school17777]

I'm kind of bothered, because Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday.  I love(d) getting together with family, the food, the conversation, the laughs...all of it.

 

 

This is one of my favorite part of getting together for holidays.  We spend Thanksgiving at dh's family, but there's no conversations, at least known that don't even talking about sports - which I'm not interested in.  I try, try, try to get conversations going, but nothing takes off.  I get so bored.  After the meal, my sils either sleep or surf the net - no interaction with anyone, at least not with me.  I help clean up afterwards with mil and aunt and we talk then, but after that, no more conversations.  I miss the conversations and laughs that I've enjoyed at other Thanksgiving tables.

[Jennifer3141]

We're going to dh's family this year. Yes, I'm a grown up and can make my own choices, but I'm not going to ruin his and my daughters Thanksgiving. That means I get to hang out with my terrible mother-in-law for a few days while she gives me dirty looks and talks about how she wishes dh would've married a pretty jewish girl.

 

 

That just wouldn't fly in my household. If my DH caught his mother saying something like that me, we would leave. Nor would I ever allow my parents to say something like this to DH. So I don't quite get spouses that do. That's horrendous and if I felt like DH didn't have my back, it isn't just holidays that would stink for me. :(

[Tammyla]

I feel for you. 

 

[Santi]

That just wouldn't fly in my household. If my DH caught his mother saying something like that me, we would leave. Nor would I ever allow my parents to say something like this to DH. So I don't quite get spouses that do. That's horrendous and if I felt like DH didn't have my back, it isn't just holidays that would stink for me. :(

Oh, she hasn't liked me since I first met her, which was in elementary school. He's been telling her to be nice to me for over twenty years. She's still his mother though and I'd never let him stop talking to her for my sake.

[*Lulu*]

What kills me is my kids LOVE all family gatherings.

 

DH and I spend the whole time doing damage control and trying to avoid the land mines of my family. We leave exhausted; the kids leave having had a great time. *sigh* So when we deviate from the extended family traditions we catch hell from both my family AND the kids.

[LucyStoner]

No, I am not dreading it. Because there is no drama anymore. Because I spend Thanksgiving with my drama free immediate family and family of choice (close friends). Best decision I ever made.

[*Lulu*]

No, I am not dreading it. Because there is no drama anymore. Because I spend Thanksgiving with my drama free immediate family and family of choice (close friends). Best decision I ever made.

I hope two years from now I will post just this on the holiday drama thread!

[Angie in VA]

No drama here (but it is a sad time for me b/c my mother died on Thanksgiving Day), but dd will be home from college and I just want to soak her up (between her catching up on sleep and studying for finals, that is).

 

We don't want to snub family, but I hope for a relaxing week that week!

[Chocolate Rose]

I've always loved holidays with my extended family. We always get together for Thanksgiving and Christmas and even though we've all got our weirdnesses and issues, we somehow managed to make the holidays work.  That's not to say there weren't stressful or uncomfortable moments, 'cause there have been many. And, part of the fun of getting everyone together is rehashing some of the craziest moments.  And it's made for some very memorable moments for dd (both good and bad).

 

But, I'm not looking forward to the holidays this year. My dd is in college and living 2 hours away. My mom died a few days before Thanksgiving last year. I have to work on Thanksgiving so dd took a dog sitting job for that whole weekend, so I probably won't see her until xmas. The rest of my family decided to get together at a sister's house which is too far for me to go on Thanksgiving. I'm also feeling overwhelmed at the loss of my mom right now. You'd think that after almost a year I'd be over it. Anyway, Thanksgiving is just going to be dh and me and I know I'm not going to feel like cooking a big turkey dinner for just the two of us. Actually after working all day, I'm not going to feel like cooking at all. And, since I have to eat lchf, I can't eat a turkey dinner anyway. I'm considering cooking a prime rib - please tell me that's easy to do.

 

I'm hoping that we'll have our normal, dysfunctional xmas, though. 

Big venting whine over...

[PinkInTheBlue]

My family isn't Thanksgiving drama but I'm just not in the mood. I have the bigger house and it's just easier

to have it here.  However, I'm looking at tickets to fly just us to New York city for Thanksgiving week.

 

Our boys are really big into our local theatre and it would be amazing to show this Broadway plays.  My mother

will be really disappointed but understanding. I hate to leave her here but I'm just not in the Thanksgiving

stress mood. It's been a crazy busy several months. 

 

I always do the "right" thing and I think, just this once, I'm going to do the selfish thing for my little group. :)

[LucyStoner]

I hope two years from now I will post just this on the holiday drama thread!

This last decade has been glorious. I love my family. But all of them together is just insane. My brother with the biggest house likes to host but he's a really bad housekeeper so it's not a comfortable home, he doesn't even bother to set the table so we can sit down to eat. Then his ILs are drunk rude homophobes who smell like sour smoke. Also my mom is dead now and not here to temper my dad at all. Also my older and younger brothers do not get on at all.

 

We trade off with a set of friends on hosting years and go to the mat to make the best food. My FOO is welcome to join us but they know our ground rules. When my mom was alive she alternated years between ours and my younger brother. My dad usually goes to my younger brother's which is fine. He then comes over to our place on Black Friday for leftovers and pie. Easy and stress free. We do pretty much the same on Christmas, though we will often share dessert with my younger brother and his family after hosting my big brother and his family along with some friends for an early dinner. Firm expectations keep it calm. No discussion of family not there is tolerated. Usually later on in the evening a steady stream of friends worn out from their own family dramas drop in on us for pie and drinks.

[gardenmom5]

let her have her drama - you do not have to be an audience.

 

thanksgiving used to be at my house every year. (dh did most of the cooking, controlled everything, and wanted it that way.)  and the group just got bigger, and bigger and bigger.  I think our biggest group was 28 - not counting children or babies. for sit down china silver crystal.  the last two years, it's been at my sil's so her fil will come - with dh doing much protesting. (sil's fil is welcome at our house, he just won't go to non-family's homes.) this year, dh announced we were having thanksgiving at our house (apparently, with just our family to dinner.  say what ?  ? ? ? ?  did hell freeze and no one told me?)

 

he's suggested getting together with his family later for either dessert that evening, or another day for leftovers.

 

 

[Jenn121]

I've always loved holidays with my extended family. We always get together for Thanksgiving and Christmas and even though we've all got our weirdnesses and issues, we somehow managed to make the holidays work.  That's not to say there weren't stressful or uncomfortable moments, 'cause there have been many. And, part of the fun of getting everyone together is rehashing some of the craziest moments.  And it's made for some very memorable moments for dd (both good and bad).

 

But, I'm not looking forward to the holidays this year. My dd is in college and living 2 hours away. My mom died a few days before Thanksgiving last year. I have to work on Thanksgiving so dd took a dog sitting job for that whole weekend, so I probably won't see her until xmas. The rest of my family decided to get together at a sister's house which is too far for me to go on Thanksgiving. I'm also feeling overwhelmed at the loss of my mom right now. You'd think that after almost a year I'd be over it. Anyway, Thanksgiving is just going to be dh and me and I know I'm not going to feel like cooking a big turkey dinner for just the two of us. Actually after working all day, I'm not going to feel like cooking at all. And, since I have to eat lchf, I can't eat a turkey dinner anyway. I'm considering cooking a prime rib - please tell me that's easy to do.

 

I'm hoping that we'll have our normal, dysfunctional xmas, though. 

Big venting whine over...

 

 

I am so sorry for your loss. Don't feel you have to be over it! We all grieve in our own time.  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

 

P.S. Prime rib is not any harder than a turkey if you cook the standing rib roast.  It can be  on the pricey side though.  I have cooked it for my FIL. He had bypass surgery and eats turkey all year. On special occasions he want red meat. 

[Chocolate Rose]

I am so sorry for your loss. Don't feel you have to be over it! We all grieve in our own time.  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

 

P.S. Prime rib is not any harder than a turkey if you cook the standing rib roast.  It can be  on the pricey side though.  I have cooked it for my FIL. He had bypass surgery and eats turkey all year. On special occasions he want red meat. 

Thanks, Jenn!!

I've never cooked a standing rib roast. Is that what prime rib is?

[BlueTaelon]

How is this rude? I don't consider it rude at all.

 

I will not make gluten versions of anything in my kitchen. Ever. I even put strict restrictions on gluten that someone wants to being into my house. It must be kept in a container away from everything else. I will serve you food if you have gluten on your plate or have touched gluten. I decided on this rule after my parents touched a gluten bum and then stuck their hands in the salad bag therefore ruining the salad for me. They did the same with the cheese slices. Then they used a spatula to get a burger and the spatula touched their buns and they put the spatula back onto the burger plate. I then could not eat a burger.

 

People who don't live with celiac or gluten sensitivity just don't think of every little detail to avoid cross contamination. There is nothing rude in protecting my health. My health is a higher priority than someone being put out or offended.

 

 

Your welcome to join us:) I totally get it but my step dad doesn't, he glutened my dd13 the other day without even realizing it. Touched his bread then reached into the deli meat bag and touched the mustard bottle after touching his bread. He thinks were just over reacting, I was proud dd was able to figure out what made her sick. Both times she's gotten glutened the past year were his fault. In his defense it was at their house but it was brand new and safe for dd until he touched it before she could make her sandwich.

 

I hate gluten, you should have felt my panic when dd7 came home from school about a week ago to proudly show me the DNA helix she made from jumbo sized red licorice and colored mini marshmallows. She showed it to me as soon as she got home after touching all over the house, door handles, counters etc. Home is the one place I should not have to worry EVER that there is a hidden bomb laying around just waiting for me to touch it. Doesn't help matters that I have DH on top of Celiac so just touching it makes me miserable with itching. People just dont get it and think were over reacting and being rude. I still haven't forgotten a coworkers reaction when I tried explaining that no I couldn't eat her yummy looking squash/zucchini because the pan was Teflon and used to cook gluten in it before. She was really really offended I wouldn't eat it:( Sorry but I'm not going to deal with a reaction to make you feel better.

 

You know what I would love to do? Invite a bunch of celiacs over for TG dinner:) To bad I don't know  a single one here.

[Seasider]

What kills me is my kids LOVE all family gatherings.

 

DH and I spend the whole time doing damage control and trying to avoid the land mines of my family. We leave exhausted; the kids leave having had a great time. *sigh* So when we deviate from the extended family traditions we catch hell from both my family AND the kids.

I can empathize here. The kids just don't get it. But that's okay, I'd rather they stay blissfully ignorant for as long as possible.

 

In one particular extended family group, I find the conversations more draining than enjoyable, mostly because I hold varying beliefs on religion and politics, the two main topics of discussion. If I open my mouth to say anything, I undoubtedly become like the speaker of this quote by Robert McCloskey:

 

"I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant."

 

It's truly mentally and emotionally draining. I'm learning to stay quiet and just smile stupidly. I refuse to nod, though!

 

I much prefer to celebrate holidays with like minded friends than to be forced into long, obligatory family functions. Can't always make that happen, but I will make a point this year to plan to spend a lot of time gathered with friends to recharge between the obligations.

[KungFuPanda]

A LOT of this baggage can be avoided by moving the day of your family celebration. Just have your nuclear family holiday several days ahead, then you've had a lovely holiday and all of the relative nonsense becomes just a dinner and not a ruined Thanksgiving :-)

[HS Mom in NC]

No, I'm resigned to it.  It's already started.

[G5052]

I've always loved holidays with my extended family. We always get together for Thanksgiving and Christmas and even though we've all got our weirdnesses and issues, we somehow managed to make the holidays work.  That's not to say there weren't stressful or uncomfortable moments, 'cause there have been many. And, part of the fun of getting everyone together is rehashing some of the craziest moments.  And it's made for some very memorable moments for dd (both good and bad).

 

But, I'm not looking forward to the holidays this year. My dd is in college and living 2 hours away. My mom died a few days before Thanksgiving last year. I have to work on Thanksgiving so dd took a dog sitting job for that whole weekend, so I probably won't see her until xmas. The rest of my family decided to get together at a sister's house which is too far for me to go on Thanksgiving. I'm also feeling overwhelmed at the loss of my mom right now. You'd think that after almost a year I'd be over it. Anyway, Thanksgiving is just going to be dh and me and I know I'm not going to feel like cooking a big turkey dinner for just the two of us. Actually after working all day, I'm not going to feel like cooking at all. And, since I have to eat lchf, I can't eat a turkey dinner anyway. I'm considering cooking a prime rib - please tell me that's easy to do.

 

I'm hoping that we'll have our normal, dysfunctional xmas, though. 

Big venting whine over...

 

Similar here.  We can't travel because of family medical issues, and the family that usually travel probably won't because of financial set-backs.  Everyone else is far, far away, and/or we keep at arm's length for boundary reasons.

 

Likely it will be just the immediate family for both Thanksgiving and Christmas.  As it usually is.

I'll probably get a ham for one or both and laze around...

[Seasider]

I've always loved holidays with my extended family. We always get together for Thanksgiving and Christmas and even though we've all got our weirdnesses and issues, we somehow managed to make the holidays work. That's not to say there weren't stressful or uncomfortable moments, 'cause there have been many. And, part of the fun of getting everyone together is rehashing some of the craziest moments. And it's made for some very memorable moments for dd (both good and bad).

 

But, I'm not looking forward to the holidays this year. My dd is in college and living 2 hours away. My mom died a few days before Thanksgiving last year. I have to work on Thanksgiving so dd took a dog sitting job for that whole weekend, so I probably won't see her until xmas. The rest of my family decided to get together at a sister's house which is too far for me to go on Thanksgiving. I'm also feeling overwhelmed at the loss of my mom right now. You'd think that after almost a year I'd be over it. Anyway, Thanksgiving is just going to be dh and me and I know I'm not going to feel like cooking a big turkey dinner for just the two of us. Actually after working all day, I'm not going to feel like cooking at all. And, since I have to eat lchf, I can't eat a turkey dinner anyway. I'm considering cooking a prime rib - please tell me that's easy to do.

 

I'm hoping that we'll have our normal, dysfunctional xmas, though.

Big venting whine over...

Oh sweetie, it is okay to still be grieving the loss of your mother! In my experience, it takes a long, long time. Even to this day, five years down the road, tears will still spring up when something out of the blue reminds me of my departed parent. But that's okay, not all tears are bad tears. May you always, when you get sad and missing your mom, find that pleasant memories come to your mind. I believe that bittersweet chocolate has a mighty rich flavor.

 

Start planning ahead some fun things to do with your dd when you get together over Christmas.

[Jenn121]

Thanks, Jenn!!

I've never cooked a standing rib roast. Is that what prime rib is?

 

 

Prime rib is what thay call in in restaurants whne you get a slab of it. The roast it comes off of is called, at least on the west coast, a standing rib roast. Since you are not feeding a large group you can probably get the butcher to cut you one with two to four ribs, which when cut after roasting, will give you three-four, cuts of "prime rib" like you are used to seeing.

 

I season lightly. The meat is usually really good. Salt, pepper olive oil.

[Slartibartfast]

I wish home wasn't too far to drive for Thanksgiving. :(

 

However neither my family nor dh's family are as crazy as some of y'alls. I am the only one with food allergies, I am always getting exposed to things, particularly when we go home. :lol: If it was my kids and gluten or even worse, peanuts I might freak out but my kids don't have allergies.

[inmyopinion]

We're going to dh's family this year. Yes, I'm a grown up and can make my own choices, but I'm not going to ruin his and my daughters Thanksgiving. That means I get to hang out with my terrible mother-in-law for a few days while she gives me dirty looks and talks about how she wishes dh would've married a pretty jewish girl.

This is kinda me.  My husband and kids really like Christmas at the in-laws and for them I put up with passive-aggressive comments from MIL and SIL.  Although tense, it is not horrible and I have learned that it is ok to take a book or watch lots of tv by myself.  Plus, I have learned not to offer to help or bring anything to contribute to dinners as it is not wanted so I can be lazy!  

[gardenmom5]

Thanks, Jenn!!

I've never cooked a standing rib roast. Is that what prime rib is?

"prime" is a grade of beef (has to do with fat content, tenderness, and predicted flavor of the beef for the particular cut).  about 2% of beef is rated prime.

most grocery stores carry choice (2nd) or select (3rd), and some occasionally get prime.

 

prime rib - is a standing rib roast that is prime grade.  (and yes - restaurants will call their choice or select standing rib roasts "prime rib", even when it isn't prime beef.  they don't want to pay prime rates.  not. the. same.)

 

eta: we've occasionally done a standing rib roast for Christmas.  Costco will get in prime roasts for a better than average price per lb.

[readinmom]

MIL sent out an email that Thanksgiving would be held on Saturday.  We have told her repeatedly that we can't do that Saturday, ever.  This has been going on for several years now.  When dh says something, it will be the first time we ever brought it up.  :closedeyes:   We should have told her sooner...sigh...

 

 

[Lisbeth]

No, I am not dreading it. Because there is no drama anymore. Because I spend Thanksgiving with my drama free immediate family and family of choice (close friends). Best decision I ever made.

Amen!!

[Unicorn.]

The last few years have been nice, because we have been going to my brother's, so it's been very calm and laid back.  Peaceful.  The other day we got a guilt summons from dh's aunt.  She sent him a text that said it was for me, but she didn't have my number (could have gotten it from a dozen people in the family, but whatever).  It said that she really hoped we would come to T-day this year, as it was probably going to be "our Christmas, too", as mil, sil, bil, etc were going on a cruise at Christmas, and they were also going to be gone...blah, blah, blah.  Oh, and cousins so and so would be there. 

 

Don't really want to go.  Thinking of splitting up this year, as my cousin from Calif. is going to be at his brother's, so that means they will probably end up at my brother's.  I'd rather see them.  Ds told me last year, he really doesn't like going to dh's family stuff, because the kids have always been relegated to some back room where they can't be seen or heard.  My family treats them like equals, has conversations w/ them, etc.  If we split, up, I'm pretty sure ds will go w/ me, and at least one of the girls will too.  One will probably go w/ dh out of loyalty, and because she will feel bad that nobody else wanted to go, but she adores my my cousin and his wife, so it would suck for her either way.  :(          Downside of marrying someone whose family lives so close to my own, and then moving back here was mistake number two.  Sigh... I hate the holidays.

[PollyOR]

For years we have been expected to travel several hours and spend 2-3 days with DH's family (brother or sister host).  I hate sleeping over at other houses.  It's just a pain.  Packing, bringing our own pillows and sleeping bags, bringing the dog or taking her to a kennel. ugh.  Oh, and someone is always sick.  Your kid is puking?  Don't stay home!  Come stay in a house packed with people so you can share the germs.  

 

Last year at the "last minute" before Thanksgiving I started having terrible pain in my right groin area.  I told my husband firmly that I was NOT going to stay over at someone's house while I was in that much pain.  No one believed me.  sigh.  Yep, I was faking it, not!  I had hernia surgery a couple of months later.

 

This year we are eating nearby.  Drive 20 minutes, eat, make polite conversation, go home, sleep in my own bed.  :)

[amo_mea_filiis.]

Lots of drama here. My father texted me to let us know where to be and what time. Um, excuse me? Last time I checked I was an adult and would like to have a say in where I go.

 

I can't drive at night and he's being quite immature about that.

 

Thanksgiving and Manhattan are not things I enjoy mixing. Actually I don't like mixing manhattan with anything. I'd rather just stay away.

 

His last text about thanksgiving was "forget I asked. Bye"

 

Thanksgiving morning, I'm pretty sure I'll get a text asking if we're getting ready to leave. Or he'll text the kids telling them to remind me to get ready.

 

ETA: I've been thinking of hiding out from mid-August to the beginning of February. That passes all the non functional birthday and holiday expectations. We can see family from February to August and then go back in hiding.

[TammyinTN]

Holidays for years were crazy.  No more...I'm a very strong boundary girl.   This year I've invited all family to our home.  We are 5 hours from them and if they come they will need to get themselves a hotel room.    We are picking up our dd and 3 grandbabies 8 hours away the weekend before Thanksgiving due to her dh having to work.  There will be 9 people in our home that week...4 grand-babies under 3...and all our children.    If they come, which they haven't said yet...I expect everyone to be on their nicest behavior.  There's lots of babies to love on and dd who need mentoring.    

[TechWife]

Unfortunately, we'll have drama with my family. For years, we didn't do both families at any one holiday because the celebrations took place in separate states. A couple of years ago, my husband's family started having Thanksgiving at our niece's house, which is less than an hour from my parents. They do it there alternating years, with this year being the year. It will be the second time we've done this. I love my husbands family. Drama free! Niece volunteered to have Thanksgiving on Wednesday so I could be with my family on Thanksgiving. She has planned a week of activities & outings that we can come to, or not, as we can. She won't take any offense if we don't make it for something. We treasure time with this family - my husband and his sister will be able to be together, which is something we don't take for granted as they have already buried their parents and their two brothers. We know time is short, even when it seems like you have forever. 

 

Now, my mother calls my husband's family "those people." I've been married for 20 years. I won't get into the weirdness that is my siblings - suffice it to say that they are rarely in a healthy emotional place. Holidays are full of attempts at "oneupmanship," but not in the way you'd think. It's a contest to see who has the most miserable story, not who had the best, most, whatever. Makes for great times!  Additionally, my mom will want me to be at her side all the time. She is old and is homebound and I know she's lonely, but we will not be able to enjoy being together, talking or playing games because she will be working on spreading unhappiness and guilt throughout the family. She's always been like that, but we've had a rough year here, so I know it will wear on me in ways that it usually doesn't. Sigh. Thanks for letting me unload. 

 

[SweetMissMagnolia]

never had that kind of family drama but the drama of dealing with packing up and getting to relative's house for dinner is a big thing so a few years ago dh and I decided that we were doing relaxed for the holidays so we started having holiday meals at our house and making our own "family memories"....easier for us,less stressful to say the least......

[kewb]

You have the power to make it drama free.  Dealing with my dh's family used to be a big thorn in my side.  Not anymore.  I have mastered the "smile and nod' and never say anything meaningful.  I keep holiday visits to a minimum (distance is a good thing). 

 

Your food needs is a different animal all together.  Bring your own.  Keep it separate.  Explain it is necessary for your health and then smile and nod and do what you need to do.  Do not let your food out of your sight.  If having the holiday at your house tell them what you are making and that they are welcome to bring their own food packaged in containers that can be heated up because you can not contaminate your cooking utensils due to your health needs.  Smile and nod.