Another "is your partner still attracted to you" thread...

[I.Dup.]

I will fully admit I have "baggage" in this area, yes. So it really helps me to hear about normal, healthy couples- if you don't mind sharing.

 

I am 8 mo pregnant and feeling fat. I have a short haircut right now that doesn't make me feel super sexy. I have cellulite (genetically pre-disposed, yay) that doesn't seem to go away no matter how skinny I am. I am just overall feeling very insecure.

 

My dh tells me that he thinks I'm beautiful, but it's really only if we go without teA for a few days that he really makes me feel like I'm the hottest woman on earth. LOL. Other than that, I'm really insecure with how he feels about my changing body. My butt could also be about 2 inches higher. And he is a butt man. :( The squats and lunges I've been doing don't seem to be helping with that, but I will work on it more after the baby comes.

 

BLAH. Anyway, just wondering if there are other women that have found it okay to not be perfect, and if your dh's are still attracted to you despite cellulite, sagginess, etc. Getting older sucks in this way.

[FaithManor]

Well, dh is very good about trying to build my self-esteem in this department which is good because frankly, I have NO self-esteem left when it comes to body image.

 

But, dh is not a looks oriented type of guy. He's a real intellectual, spiritual type of man so what attracts him is our friendship, the shared love of music and math, the science geek in us that attracts like rare earth magnets, etc. I could joke about someone like Ryan Gosling, or Colin Firth or whoever, however the reality for me is that I could never be physically hung up on a guy who didn't have dh's mind and heart and he feels the same way about me. I truly believe that dh is the most attractive man I've ever met which leads him to believe "love is truly blind" and he behaves that way towards me.

 

So, I guess he's probably very willing to see past my hips!

 

I'm working on it. My body fights me.every.step.of.the.way. Mostly, I'm miserable in terms of food, exercise, quality of life in that regard...lots of quality of life in other areas, but having to shop for a dress for dd's wedding reduced me to tears/out and out sobbing on dh's shoulder. Nothing I do works and the thyroid is a nightmare for the docs to regulate. I may never get anywhere which is just depressing to think about.

 

Dh, though, he keeps impressing on me that this doesn't matter to him and it keeps me going knowing that if I never thin out again, he's still happy with me.

 

The day I turned 40, my body seemed to just begin falling apart rapidly. I.resent.it.so.much.

 

Faith

[I.Dup.]

I'm sorry. :( This is depressing. My dh is definitely not an intellectual type, so I don't have that in my favor, lol.

[justamouse]

Dh and I have been married almost 18 years. I have had 7 children. Parts of me sag. Many parts of me sag. I have double stretchmarks from twins.

 

My body? He helped make it that way. :D We had fun making these strechmarks. He used to be a bodybuilder. He still works out, he still lifts, but he's 50.

 

Our bodies change, but they are no less beautiful, they are even MORE beautiful. And, that beauty is shared and held within 18 years of marriage and building a family.

 

 

Hang in there. You are building something, you are co creating right now, and with every diaper you change. It's not something you will see tomorrow, but when you are 80, 90...and you are still holding hands looking back at the bricks of each day, year by year you'll see it.

[TravelingChris]

:grouphug: :grouphug: to you both. I think part of the big problem is the media. There are so many messages out there about keeping ourselves young, thin, sexy, etc. All those messages about how guys are all about the visual. And like you said Faith, going shopping can really ruin your day, if your body isn't shaped the way the clothes are. (Not even necessarily because we are so fat, just different in some way- like my dd with a large ribcage has problems too).

 

Faith, just like you and your dh, we love to spend time together. We respect each others interests, even if we don't share them.

 

There have been genetic studies done and males fall into thirds based on one part of the genome. One third are the guys who usually become unfaithful- they are attracted to lots of women and tend to stray. One third are average- these guys may stray but they aren't serial strayers. Then there is the group my dh falls into, guys who are not interested in straying, very faithful guys. I lucked out and you did too, Faith,

 

I.Dup, you will feel better soon. NOt very long before the little one is born and then, after a few months of recovery, you can start working your way towards whatever goal you have look wise. But your husband loves you, not a imaginary perfect you.

[BakersDozen]

My dh seems to be fine with how I look but honestly, I don't really care if he is or not. That sounds worse than I meant it to, lol. What I mean is that life happens. Gravity takes effect. Babies are born/nursed. My body looks like it does because it has been used. I used to make myself nuts with exercise, trying to reacquire what I had before dc (heck, even before twins would be nice!). It isn't happening and for the first time I am totally OK with that. If dh is OK with that as well then great; if he isn't, then whatever. He isn't the one who went through pregnancy/childbirth/nursing. He gets an hour every day to walk/jog; I don't. He might like things to look different on me but I don't fret about those things (for example, he really prefers my hair long but I keep it short because it is easier and I like it better).

 

My dh is a "b**b" guy which is really unfortunate for him because there is nothing left on me and a lot of the time I am nursing/pumping so those are off limits anyway to him. I could care less what they look like because, again, they've been used for the purpose they were created. Dh doesn't say anything (smart guy).

 

The way I see it, my dh can be attracted to me or not. I'm the only woman he's got (hopefully) so he gets what he gets, lumps and bumps and all. If I exercise it is to be healthy, not to try and be 18 again for my dh.

[WishboneDawn]

He's tells you that he thinks you're beautiful.

 

Is he an honest man?

 

If yes, give your head a shake and believe him.

[fairfarmhand]

My dh told me once (and it made me cry) that he loved every one of my stretch marks, because each one represented a child that he loves more than he could ever imagine was possible. (still get teary thinking of it.) It helped me when we went to no TV. Not havign those images presented to me each night helps me feel better about how I look.

[MeghanL]

My DH still thinks I'm the hottest woman in the world. And I have more than 50 lbs extra after 3 children.

But you know what? My husband isn't the most muscular man in the world and that doesn't change my attraction to him. He's there for me...always. That's what's sexy. He knows I'm always there for him (and part of "being there" is not letting TeA be infrequent due to my own hangups) and that's what makes me sexy to him.

[BakersDozen]

e's tells you that he thinks you're beautiful.

 

Is he an honest man?

 

If yes, give your head a shake and believe him.

So what if a dh only says his wife is beautiful when he wants teA? This is something my dh did and we had a bit of a "discussion" about it. It offended me greatly and made his words mean little since they were spoken only because there was something in it for him.

[LibraryLover]

I think men who love their wives find them attractive at any age. Yet, I have known men who adore their wives who have cheated. We could discuss moral failings, but over the years I have seen some seemingly decent men easily separate love and sex.

 

[fairfarmhand]

So what if a dh only says his wife is beautiful when he wants teA? This is something my dh did and we had a bit of a "discussion" about it. It offended me greatly and made his words mean little since they were spoken only because there was something in it for him.

yup.

[MissKNG]

Hmmm...DH is still attracted to me and so are most of his "single" friends (no joke - it's kind of flattering).

 

The only minor complaint is that the bOOks aren't very big. But he knows there's nothing I can do for that aside from enhancement, which isn't something I would ever do anyways.

[I.Dup.]

So what if a dh only says his wife is beautiful when he wants teA? This is something my dh did and we had a bit of a "discussion" about it. It offended me greatly and made his words mean little since they were spoken only because there was something in it for him.

 

This is kindof what I am wondering, although I admit to being overly sensitive. He is all over me with compliments when he's feeling in the mood but other than that, it's pretty quiet on the compliment front. lol

 

I do know lots of men cheat who have beautiful partners (look at Hollywood). I don't worry so much that my husband will cheat.....I just hate to think that he thinks so many other women are more attractive than I am. Even though of course that is true, esp. as I get older. It still hurts to come in farther and farther behind.

[NoseInABook]

Yes, he is still attracted to me and I am to him. We're not as young as we once were and hoo boy did my body change after 4 babies in less than 4 years (all singletons) but he still thinks I'm the most beautiful woman in the world. He doesn't seem to see the extra 50lbs and stretchmarks.

[LibraryLover]

This is kindof what I am wondering, although I admit to being overly sensitive. He is all over me with compliments when he's feeling in the mood but other than that, it's pretty quiet on the compliment front. lol

 

I do know lots of men cheat who have beautiful partners (look at Hollywood). I don't worry so much that my husband will cheat.....I just hate to think that he thinks so many other women are more attractive than I am. Even though of course that is true, esp. as I get older. It still hurts to come in farther and farther behind.

 

 

We can't turn back time. Having a shared past, a loving relationship, and respect, keeps people married. Good sex is

important for a satisfying marriage, but we can't be 18 forever. :)

 

And you are right about men cheating on gorgeous women. Arnold had Maria, fi, and he cheated on her with a woman not Hollywood attractive. Sometimes men want variety and a thrill. Men, as women, often want to think someone other than their partner might find them desirable.

 

I might sound understanding...lol. I am not really. If it happened to me, I don't know what I would do. But I've seen it happen around me, and divorce is not always contemplated. Sometimes the scare of losing something good makes the relationship stronger. I wouldn't have believed it as a younger woman, truth be told.

[BakersDozen]

I just hate to think that he thinks so many other women are more attractive than I am. Even though of course that is true, esp. as I get older. It still hurts to come in farther and farther behind.

For me, this is just another thing I have come to accept as part of life. I'm not 18, nor 28, nor 38...sigh. There are girls/women who far surpass what I look like and if my dh notices them then that makes him human. If he acts upon that noticing, there would be a problem (so far he never has that I know of). What it comes down to is that I'm still the woman he has, so he'd better be OK with it or at least act like he is, lol. I may be "behind" other females as far as looks, but I'm the only "present" my dh has.

[I.Dup.]

You all are right. Of course there is no way to turn back time. I will just have to come to a place of acceptance in myself. That has been a struggle for as long as I can remember, but maybe getting older will help in that regard.

[I.Dup.]

Good sex is very important for a satisfying marriage, but we can't be 18 forever. :)

 

 

This is going to sound awful....but I guess I wonder, is good sex possible if the woman doesn't look p*rn star ready? From the man's perspective, if his wife is saggy, overweight, or whatever, can they still think the sex is amazing?

[UnsinkableKristen]

Yep - despite stretchmarks that look like a tiger got me, cellulite on my thighs, some unfortunate recurring "bacne" and booKs that hang to my toes. It's because he is attracted to ME - Kristen. Not "Kristen at 20", not "Kristen as long as she looks like she exercises", not "Woman's Body". Just ME. I could balloon up to 500 lbs and he would still love me and want to have all the $ex. I could emaciate down to nothing and same goes. He loves me and wants ME and while he may *really* like it when I'm running regularly and eating healthy, most of that is because *I* feel happier and more confident and it's always fun to be with someone who feels good :).

[UnsinkableKristen]

 

This is going to sound awful....but I guess I wonder, is good sex possible if the woman doesn't look p*rn star ready? From the man's perspective, if his wife is saggy, overweight, or whatever, can they still think the sex is amazing?

 

 

Yes! My Dh has a great time, has never complained nor offered up suggestions, and I am *not* perfection. Once again, it's because he is attracted to ME, not just the body I inhabit. :)

[fairfarmhand]

 

This is going to sound awful....but I guess I wonder, is good sex possible if the woman doesn't look p*rn star ready? From the man's perspective, if his wife is saggy, overweight, or whatever, can they still think the sex is amazing?

 

oh yes!

 

But sometimes, for me, I have to psyche myself up. I don't need to be beating myself up or feeling pathetic. I need to be feeling confident and energetic.

[HRAAB]

Dh sure acts like he's still attracted to me and says sex (I'm a tea drinker in real life so I can only use the word for the beverage) is better than ever. I believe him because I feel the same way. I feel better about myself at 52 than I did at 32. He noticed good looking women, and I notice good looking men, but I'm still crazy in love with dh and he is with me. We've aged together. His body isn't the same as it was at 27, and mine certainly isn't the same. Those stretch marks are a shared memory for us. I believe dh when he says I'm beautiful. Looking for perfection will drive you crazy.

[Brilliant]

 

This is going to sound awful....but I guess I wonder, is good sex possible if the woman doesn't look p*rn star ready? From the man's perspective, if his wife is saggy, overweight, or whatever, can they still think the sex is amazing?

 

 

Well, I don't like to get into this too much on a public forum. :blushing: But I'll just say that probably none of us here on the board look like those women. And yet...our hubbies still like tEA. A little enthusiasm goes a lot farther than just having any body type.

[Mom in High Heels]

James Bond tells me I'm the hottest thing he's ever seen. I've only had 2 kids and worked hard to get the baby weight off, but things are just not as firm as they used to be. It used to drive me nuts, especially when I see how very thin I was in our wedding photos (18years ago), but I've just come to accept (mostly) that there are some things that I may not be able to change, no matter how hard I work. I have a tiny little pudge in my lower belly that makes me crazy, but he doesn't even seem to notice it. I have a hard time because JB is in much better shape than he was when we got married. He was slim, but gained about 40 lbs our first year of marriage. After he joined the army, he got whipped into shape, and went from 215 to 165 in 8 weeks. He's been as high as 190 since he's been in the army, but he mostly hovers around 170/175 and is in great shape. Some days it makes me mad that he looks just as good at 40 as he did at 22, but then he's never had kids and he has to stay in shape for his job. I know that he loves me for me (though some days I question his judgment, because I can be nuts), not what I look like. It's just an added bonus that all this awesomeness is wrapped in hotness. :lol:

[TheReader]

I read something yesterday that was a serious lightbulb moment for me and I think it fits here with what you're asking about.

 

I was reading a free book for Kindle and the main female character made a statement re: the main male lead that she could really tell when he looked at her that he wanted HER, not just s-x. That with her previous partner, she now realized, he only wanted the s-x. (blinking out the middle b/c of search engines, etc.)

 

This made a light go on in my head. Big Time. My husband wants ME. Not s-x with me, not just s-x, but ME. And I want him. The whole package. Soul, mind, body, spirit, etc. S-x with some hot stud (or for him, with some perfect magazine cover model) may or may not be physically pleasing, who knows. It would surely satisfy the bare necessities, the physical lust, etc. BUT. What this quote made me realize is that *emotionally* speaking, on that deeper-than-skin-deep intimate level, s-x w/some perfect body would be about as satisfying as, well, taking matters into ones' own hands.

 

Sure, it would satisfy the urge of the body, but it would NOT be an equivalent trade off and not as enjoyable (on all the other levels) as physical intimacy with my non-perfect spouse. And I realized, same for him. That physical intimacy with the person who shares all the history, sees all my flaws *and loves me anyway*, is a million trillion times better than what I may or may not find with some random dude, and I am wholeheartedly convinced that when my husband sees me, when he looks at me, to his eyes, I'm still the girl he fell in love with in high school, the girl who made his heart pitter-patter, the girl who got his pulse racing, etc. I know this because when I look at him, even though sure I notice the thinning hair and the white bits showing up in his beard, I still see the boy who made my pulse race. Because I want HIM, not some cheap substitute.

 

Does that make sense?

 

Now, there was a time when I did NOT feel that way. When life and circumstances and insecurities and such all conspired to make me not feel like he wanted me, at all. I didn't believe it. His actions, in my mind, didn't show it/back it up. We barely made time for each other, and things were just not great. Through various circumstances, I finally confronted him about this and just poured out all the "you never........" stuff that I wished he did. He did the same, and we both listened and truly heard the other, and committed to changing. We still loved each other but realized we'd stopped being "in love" with the other, to some extent. We fought like crazy to get that back, and luckily for me, he was just as committed to fixing things as I was, and we each started doing the things the other had mentioned missing, etc. From then on, things have been better than ever and that's how we got back to that place of still seeing the one we fell in love with.

 

I share that part just to say -- if you are truly feeling he doesn't see you that way, share your heart with him about specific things he can do to show you that he does, whatever that might look like to you. Then believe him when he starts doing those things. Start noticing the things he already does that you might overlook. Start doing things (if you aren't) to show him how you feel about him. If the romance/spark/"feeling like the most beautiful woman in the world" stuff is missing, work to put it back. Because you absolutely CAN get it back.

 

((hugs))

[justamouse]

 

This is going to sound awful....but I guess I wonder, is good sex possible if the woman doesn't look p*rn star ready? From the man's perspective, if his wife is saggy, overweight, or whatever, can they still think the sex is amazing?

 

 

 

Yes, yes, it is possible. It's awesome even. It's better every year. Seriously, I was pretty awesome looking back when we married, and sex now is a gazillion times better now than it was then.

 

It's not about the bodies, it's about the people. It's not about the bodies, it's about the people.

[TheReader]

 

 

Yes, yes, it is possible. It's awesome even. It's better every year. Seriously, I was pretty awesome looking back when we married, and sex now is a gazillion times better now than it was then.

 

It's not about the bodies, it's about the people. It's not about the bodies, it's about the people.

 

 

I just should have waited to post. THIS is what I took a heck of a lot more words to say :)

 

OP, did you catch that? It's not about the bodies, it's about the people.

 

True, true, true, true, true.

[Caroline]

 

 

 

Yes, yes, it is possible. It's awesome even. It's better every year. Seriously, I was pretty awesome looking back when we married, and sex now is a gazillion times better now than it was then.

 

It's not about the bodies, it's about the people. It's not about the bodies, it's about the people.

 

 

Totally agree!!

[Scarlett]

I am 47 but only married to dh for 2 1/2 years. He says he thinks I am beautiful....and he behaves as if he means it! My dh is a very attractive man...and he is friendly but he NEVER looks at women the way my X H did.

 

I do know what you mean about falling further and further behind. I feel that myself, but try to shake it off because I know it is not rational...we can't stop time..

 

My dh is also not particularly intellectual...but he is very smart and very spiritual. I have seen him nearly swoon while listening to me discuss a Bible passage. And that works for me too.

[Mommyfaithe]

I can look like total crud and my husband will act like I'm dressed for a ball. Seriously. He must be very blind.

 

 

I used to get all pissy thinking he was teasing me....lol! He means it when he says I am beautiful and when he calls me " bride". It took me almost 30 years to figure out he really thinks I am HOT! The man is crazy, but...que cera, I love him too.

 

[jeninok]

This is going to sound awful....but I guess I wonder, is good sex possible if the woman doesn't look p*rn star ready? From the man's perspective, if his wife is saggy, overweight, or whatever, can they still think the sex is amazing?

 

 

 

I certainly like to think so, Light a candle, wear something that covers the parts you are most uncomfortable with, maybe have a glass of wine, and just relax. I think that while the thrill of new is sometimes very alluring, there is a comfort level in a long term relationship that you can't get any other way.

 

The key is to use that comfort level to have fun with intimacy. We also sext each other, I have a hang up about talking in person about it, but can do it that way. It is a great way to flirt, express desires, and just have fun.

 

This TED Talk video on youtube discusses sex, desire, the dichotomy between comfort and lust within long term relationships and how it all comes together in modern life, I have listened to it several times and so has my DH. It really made me stop and think hard about a lot of these issues.

 

 

[Mom in High Heels]

I used to get all pissy thinking he was teasing me....lol! He means it when he says I am beautiful and when he calls me " bride". It took me almost 30 years to figure out he really thinks I am HOT! The man is crazy, but...que cera, I love him too.

 

 

This made me think of my aunt and uncle. They got married in 1971 and he still calls her his bride. Sometimes he'll say stuff like "Look at my bride. Isn't she gorgeous?" It's the sweetest thing ever. My aunt can be terribly annoying (though we all love her), isn't in perfect shape and doesn't look like a movie star, but he loves her for her. She's still his bride.

[zoobie]

Have you ever watched Cops or seen mugshots of pro$titute$? They do not look like models, and yet plenty of men pay for them. Or $trippers? They only look like that on TV. I think p@rn stars are creepy and fake looking. Marital relations shouldn't be focused on the superficial. Generally my DH thinks much more highly of me than I do of myself, and that's how it should be. 8 mos pregnant with an alien about to hatch may not make you feel like a tEA goddess, so hopefully it's hormonal. :)

 

Christie Brinkley's husbands have cheated on her. It's NOT about looks!

[Chelli]

 

Well, I don't like to get into this too much on a public forum. :blushing: But I'll just say that probably none of us here on the board look like those women. And yet...our hubbies still like tEA. A little enthusiasm goes a lot farther than just having any body type.

 

 

Not always. I think you are very blessed. Some of us haven't had a sip in almost four years. :crying:

 

I think the way I look now plays a big part in that. My dh is very, very visual. Unfortunately I'm not the right vision anymore.

 

But I still love him and he loves me. It works.

[BakersDozen]

This is going to sound awful....but I guess I wonder, is good sex possible if the woman doesn't look p*rn star ready? From the man's perspective, if his wife is saggy, overweight, or whatever, can they still think the sex is amazing?

Yes. We have good sex. It's not amazing at all, it's very routine, but it's good sex. Why? Because it's the only sex either of us are having, lol!!! I sure don't look p*rn star ready (I refuse to wear lingerie as it makes me feel ugly) and I insist on the lights being out...not even a night light on. So nothing special going on in that way as far as thrilling or "new", but still we have sex and apparently my dh must think it's good because it still happens. Dhs who think their wife should be p*rn star ready might want to look at themselves in the mirror, lol! I don't know about everyone else but my dh would not make it in that area (he's not ugly, but he's not a hunk, either).

 

My posts must come off as very flippant and truly I don't mean them to be, I just am at a place of being very "real" about this, which is a nice place to be after years of trying to be the p*rn star for my dh and acting/looking like I didn't want to. I am who I am. Things are the way they are. The end result is that dh and I are very comfortable with ourselves and with each other, not trying to impress or be someone/something we are not and being OK with that.

 

One thing I tell myself if I get to feeling a bit lumpy and frumpy: I have what he does not, and that is enough to satisfy him. Things may not be shaped on my body the way they used to be, yet I still have a shape he does not (thank goodness) and that's all it takes. This was VERY hard for me to realize, especially after nursing 11 babies! How in the world could my dh be anything but turned off by what I looked like? But since I look different than he does, he finds that attractive (even if I do not).

[jeninok]

 

Not always. I think you are very blessed. Some of us haven't had a sip in almost four years. :crying:

 

I think the way I look now plays a big part in that. My dh is very, very visual. Unfortunately I'm not the right vision anymore.

 

But I still love him and he loves me. It works.

 

 

:grouphug: :grouphug:

 

That is rough, but I am glad you are making it work for you and still feel loved.

[texasmama]

I am 46, could lose 25 pounds and have had four babies. I sag and bag and all that jazz. I gave up wearing shorts about 10 years ago. I don't even wear them in the house.

 

However, my husband thinks I am amazing, like a super model. I think he is pretty good looking, too, in spite of losing his hair.

 

I have learned to accept that he prefers me and is attracted to me. It isn't getting any better from here, as far as appearance goes, so I have come to accept his view of me and not focus on my own warped view of what I "should" look like.

[Audrey]

I just stopped questioning why he thinks I'm sexy. My baggage is my baggage, not his. It's not fair to try to analyze or judge his feelings or motivations through that distorted lens.

[JennyD]

I have always wondered whether someone has ever done a study that asks long-married people to describe their spouse to a sketch artist and then see whether the results actually look anything like the spouse. My parents have been married for over 40 years and I once asked my mom if when she looks at my dad, does she see what he looks like today, or 20 years ago, or when she married him, or what? She said that she sees a combination of all of those -- her memories overlay the current reality, or maybe it's the other way around.

 

My husband firmly maintains that I look like Julia Roberts. I do not look like Julia Roberts in the slightest. No resemblance whatsoever. I do have brown hair and a big smile, but that is it. But he is not just saying this -- he really does seem to think that I look like Julia Roberts. It is preposterous, but fine, whatever.

 

All this is to say, I don't think happily married people see their spouses with any clarity at all. Furthermore, it is also my opinion that contrary to what advertisers like to tell us, heterosexual men in general are just not that picky.

 

Hang in there, OP. Late pregnancy is a hard time!

[Jennifer3141]

I just stopped questioning why he thinks I'm sexy. My baggage is my baggage, not his. It's not fair to try to analyze or judge his feelings or motivations through that distorted lens.

 

 

 

:iagree:

 

DH laughs when I mention how hot and bothered he still gets me. When I hear him on the phone... Oy. :lol:

 

He doesn't analyze me. I don't analyze him. I'm just very, very happy it's still there. Whatever it is.

[Parrothead]

I don't know if dh thinks I'm hot or not. I don't much care.

[mamajudy]

After 33 years of marriage and 5 babies, my DH still thinks I'm beautiful, and the intimacy is better than ever. I have never been gorgeous or sexy in my own eyes, but to him I am! I do try to look my best for him, although when the children were very young it was difficult. Just remember that at 8 months pregnant, you are not fat! You are carrying his child and are the very picture of womanliness. Really, who could be more feminine than a woman great with child?

[Brilliant]

 

Not always. I think you are very blessed. Some of us haven't had a sip in almost four years. :crying:

 

I think the way I look now plays a big part in that. My dh is very, very visual. Unfortunately I'm not the right vision anymore.

 

But I still love him and he loves me. It works.

 

 

Oh, darn. The last thing I intended by my post was to make anyone feel bad. :(

 

 

:grouphug: :grouphug:

[Melissa in Australia]

I have never been pretty, and never will I’m the most plane Jane person you can imagine. I have never once been told I was pretty or even beautiful by a single person in my whole life. I have been told that the clothes I am wearing are beautiful as in that is a beut dress...

 

Dh has complimented me on my large white teeth,( not as in red riding hood) and my beautiful smiles. so I try to smile all the time. DH likes thin , so I work on being thin. Dh tells me that he loves me every single day. I need that I really appreciate that. As for him, he is the most attractive guy I have ever seen. Every time I see him my heart gives a little leap.

 

I think at 8 months pregnant every single women feels heavy and ugly. I know I did.

[Mom-2-7]

 

 

Not always. I think you are very blessed. Some of us haven't had a sip in almost four years. :crying:

 

I think the way I look now plays a big part in that. My dh is very, very visual. Unfortunately I'm not the right vision anymore.

 

But I still love him and he loves me. It works.

 

 

You're not alone. We live like siblings rather than married people. Very few compliments or hugs or anything else unless I come out and request them.

 

I gained about 40 pounds in the last 9 years. I'm not attractive. We have increased our family size by 7 kids in the last 9 years. He's tired and overwhelmed. I know he loves me but I really think he wishes he had a "do-over".

 

Hmm. Never said that out loud before.

 

 

[LucyStoner]

My husband is a peach. He was attracted to me when I was 19 and fit as a fiddle. He was attracted to me when I was hugely pregnant and developed severe stretch marks on my stomach and some on my breasts (I was an A cup before I had kids and post nursing, I am still a couple of cup sizes larger, much to my supreme annoyance). He was attracted to me when my post baby stretch marks were so new and dark they looked more like tattoo ink than stretch marks. He was attracted to me while I worked to heal a severe diastasis (separated abs and a resulting flab from that) and is still attracted to me with the lingering signs of two babies and two c-sections (I am down pretty far below my weight with #2 but not my pre-kids size at all). He has never insulted me based on my looks and gives me lots of affection and sweet comments. He has been supportive but not pushy with my weight loss. He gets down on the floor with me and does pushups and sit-ups just so I am not bored doing mine even though he gets most of his fitness in from a long bike commute and is a fit, slim guy. That said, I married a guy who married me. I am tall and muscular with man sized hands and feet and was (and am) a pretty big tomboy who thinks lip balm is my only needed cosmetic. He's never expected me to be the American beauty ideal or valued me based on any unrealistic to my body type beauty standard. He's happy when I dress up; when I put on tights and short shorts for roller skating; when I am dressed demurely; and when I run around in jeans and a Science: It Works B!tch@s t-shirt. We've been married 11 years. I would say we are basically the happiest we've been so far.

 

Despite his love and continued attraction to me, at times I was far more self conscious than I needed to be and was feeling frumpy and heavy. I think that many men care far less about what their wife's body looks like than she does. Don't assume he's being critical unless he is being critical.

[texasmama]

I have always wondered whether someone has ever done a study that asks long-married people to describe their spouse to a sketch artist and then see whether the results actually look anything like the spouse. My parents have been married for over 40 years and I once asked my mom if when she looks at my dad, does she see what he looks like today, or 20 years ago, or when she married him, or what? She said that she sees a combination of all of those -- her memories overlay the current reality, or maybe it's the other way around.

 

My husband firmly maintains that I look like Julia Roberts. I do not look like Julia Roberts in the slightest. No resemblance whatsoever. I do have brown hair and a big smile, but that is it. But he is not just saying this -- he really does seem to think that I look like Julia Roberts. It is preposterous, but fine, whatever.

 

All this is to say, I don't think happily married people see their spouses with any clarity at all. Furthermore, it is also my opinion that contrary to what advertisers like to tell us, heterosexual men in general are just not that picky.

 

Hang in there, OP. Late pregnancy is a hard time!

I agree! I have come to believe that when my husband looks at me, he sees the me he met many years ago. That is a blessing. That is love. I am grateful for it.

[LucyStoner]

 

My dh tells me that he thinks I'm beautiful, but it's really only if we go without teA for a few days that he really makes me feel like I'm the hottest woman on earth. LOL. Other than that, I'm really insecure with how he feels about my changing body. My butt could also be about 2 inches higher. And he is a butt man. :( The squats and lunges I've been doing don't seem to be helping with that, but I will work on it more after the baby comes.

 

 

Maybe that is because his sex drive is on a 2-3 day cycle and he only shows that sort of appreciation when he's in the mood? Maybe if he knew you needed more touch/praise even when he's not in the mood, he's be willing to up his game?

[jeninok]

Dh will roll over in the morning, and tell me I am pretty. :blushing: I admit that this utterly confuses me, because I am convinced he is wrong, especially when I have just woken up, which is not an easy thing for me to do.

 

But rather than shoot him down every time, I have learned to say thank you, and to tell myself that I should thank everything good and pretty in this world that he thinks so!