Brilliant Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 That's how I feel! She's not paying him so she can take the $1,500 he is saving her and buy a new bike. Or she could pay him $100-200 or however much a bike costs and he can buy the new bike with that money. If he was just visiting then maybe I would consider paying for the bike or for half of it, but he;s taking several nights away from his family to do them a favor. Her son broke my kid's toy last time he was over but I did not ask for payment. It sounds like your mind is made up about not paying. And that you are more upset about the fact that he's doing the free work worth $1500 that's taking him away from your family for several evenings. He should still pay for the bike, but he shouldn't do them any more favors. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebecca VA Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Here's what I think he should say: "You know, I don't feel 100% responsible for this accident, and I think Nephew should take some responsibility. I'm willing to pay (x amount of money) to help buy him a new bike. I think that's fair." And he should do it in a kind way, not a grudging way. If SIL wants to get huffy about it, your husband should make himself unavailable to help with future repairs on her home. Yes, your husband was at fault, but your SIL is pushing the boundaries. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 The bike wasn't new so he could fix up a used bike and give it to him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Ok - the driver was out in the country, knew all the kids were in the house, and he walked around the back of his vehicle to load it. So I guess I can understand that he KNEW that there were not kids around at that time. It's not like he mindlessly hopped in his truck and started backing up when there were a bunch of kids playing. The kid was 12. I'm sure he knew the vehicle he put his bike behind was not his parent's vehicle. I still think there is a shared responsibility, but sister sounds like a piece of work to demand for him to pay for it. I'd probably pay for the bike, and tell them I was unavailable for the free work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Imp, your reasoning is much like mine. Our kids were raised to keep their things away from where a car might drive AND off sidewalks where mail carriers and guests walk. I clearly recall our oldest two telling their friends not to leave their bikes on the driveway because it might get run over- and their friends quickly learned that when visiting our house that they were to park the bikes/skateboards in the grass. I just thought everyone did that. I am stunned by how many people look behind their car every time they get in it- some days I go out several times, and when I leave work I approach my car from the front- never occurred to me to check behind my car. There are lots of people like you. At childcare they have a picture that shows exactly how many children can be in the blind spot behind a mini-van type vehicle. That has made me paranoid and I check behind my van before getting in most of the time (I should do it all the time). If I even think there is a kid out of car nearby, I'll sit in the car and wait until I see them clearly in a car seat/out of the path of the vehicle before I drive off at grocery stores. http://www.americano...out-blind-spots ETA: I also teach my son, when going around parked cars, either to hand on to an adult (taller, easier able to be seen) or to go around the FRONT, never the back. Yes, there is a blind spot in the front but the driver is more likely to see a kid that way than one going around the back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PineFarmMom Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Do you pay for it? My dh was at his sister's house and her son left his bike right behind my dh's rear wheel. He ran right over it... She wants him to pay but he says no way, it's the nephew's fault. Which I agree with. I wouldn't ask someone to pay for my kid's bike when the kid left it behind the wheel of a vehicle. What say you? Well, I backed over my own child's bike and didn't pay for it. I used it as a lesson in responsibility. My child left the bike there, and I felt they received the fruit of their own irresponsibility. It was a while before they had a birthday so they went without a bike until then. If I sound cold, I'm really not. I hated that they went bikeless, but 1st, we don't have $80 just laying around to go by another one; and 2nd, they know where to put their bikes and chose to be lazy. No, you don't owe them a bike. I think if it made peace in the family, I'd pay for it, but I'd discuss and explain first why I think they are out of line in asking it and offer that they should use it as a learning experience for their child. I like the idea of paying half. ADDED: On the "awareness" thing on the part of the driver, my case may be different. All my kids were in the car and we live in the country, so I knew there were no humans in my path. I read other responses and see the points of those who talk about the driver being responsible to check behind their car. At 12, though, I still think the child should own at least a portion of that responsibility!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Edited since a couple sentences previously included were not very charitable: If he was spending nights there doing free work that is worth $1,500, that is a whole different story. Under these circumstances, I might say "OK, let's make a deal. The work I have done for you has saved you $1,500. My half of the bike damage is $50. If you feel payment is necessary, let me know when and how you would like to pay me the difference." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa R. Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 His nephew is 12. I don't know, i would never ask someone to pay for my child's mistake even if he was 4. If they insisted I may let them pay, but I would never ask. My husband was also there to do free work that she had an estimate from someone to do for $1,500. So, he's saving her $1,500 by taking a couple evenings away from his family to do work for free and she is still asking him to pay for the bike? Wow. I can understand why your dh thought his sister was out of line. No one really likes anything to be demanded of them. Furthermore, it really makes it seem as if she is ungrateful of his time and expertise that is saving her a significant sum of money. If your dh had been over to her house on a casual visit and the bike had been damaged, would he feel differently? I do think he should pay for the bike even though he was doing her a favor. I think she should graciously decline since she's saving so much money. To keep the peace, I would pay for the bike. I would not let a bicycle come in the middle of a relationship. However, I would be hesitant to do these types of favors for her in the near future. If I were your dh, right now I would feel....used. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoundAbout Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 In my world people are generous and gracious when it comes to kids. They are *kids*. The reason we don't let them vote or drive at this age is they are not always mature enough for good judgement. I imagine my DH would probably immediately open his wallet if he did this. At a minimum we'd be scouring Craiglist and have a new used bike there within the week. The fact that he was there to help makes the sisters behavior that much more obnoxious, but I still think offering to pay is the right thing to do. I'm sure the kid will learn his lesson either way, but he' ll probably also be left with a bad view of his uncle as cheap and mean. That's ok though, because it doesn't sound like you like these people much anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto10blessings Posted February 25, 2013 Author Share Posted February 25, 2013 Interesting all the new facts that come out. If he was spending nights there doing free work that is worth $1,500, that is a whole different story. It seems a bit hard to believe that a 12yo would go park his bike right under his uncle's car, or that it was pitch dark at dinner time at this time of year, but whatever. Under these circumstances, I might say "OK, let's make a deal. The work I have done for you has saved you $1,500. My half of the bike damage is $50. If you feel payment is necessary, let me know when and how you would like to pay me the difference." Yep, I am lying! It was actually light outside and he was there to ask for money and my husband actually ran over it on purpose to teach him a lesson. You found me out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 I don't know where OP lives, but we've been eating dinner in the dark for a couple months. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 I don't know where OP lives, but we've been eating dinner in the dark for a couple months. Yes. true here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 My dad came to my house to fix something for me. When backing out, he ran into the drain pipe on the corner of my garage. He was very upset about it. But do you think I would ask him to pay for it? No way! I went and fixed it myself and never said a word about it again. When someone is doing you a favor, you should treat them like royalty. So yeah, I can understand why the brother is taken aback under the new facts given. However, I maintain my stance that in general, an adult's responsibility to make sure the way is clear trumps a child's responsibility to keep his bike safe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto10blessings Posted February 25, 2013 Author Share Posted February 25, 2013 I did forget our geographical location, time of incident, what time the family sat down for dinner, what phase the moon was in, what color shirt my husband was wearing... Sheesh. I'm signing off now . Ok, I must add that I probably would not offer to pay for the kid's bike even if he was not doing her a favor. We teach our kids that you take care of your belongings and if they are damaged because you left them somewhere then it is your fault. I'm sure the nephew will be much more careful about where he leaves his bike. Thanks for the input, everyone Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Yep, I am lying! It was actually light outside and he was there to ask for money and my husband actually ran over it on purpose to teach him a lesson. You found me out. The sympathy would have been all for your husband if you'd mentioned these facts up front. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 I also find it odd how many people say "we teach our kids ___" therefore "other people's kids should ___." There is no connection. I teach my kids Hindi, so should everyone else's kids be able to understand it? My kids were out of diapers at 1.5, so should everyone else's tots be punished for not using the toilet? It's great if you teach your kids to be responsible, but it's not the law for all parents. A responsible adult knows that the world is full of irresponsible kids, regardless of what we can expect from our own. And also, talk like that is usually followed by an embarrassing, foolish choice made by our own kids in the immediate future. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Incognito Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 momto8blessings - I'm sorry you feel attacked. It is unfortunate when someone we help is unkind or ungrateful. I think it should affect how you choose to spend time and money in the future, but for now there is still a broken bike which your DH broke. It isn't about who is right or wrong. I do understand how dark it is and that accidents happen. After 10 years of backing out of my own driveway here safely, I almost backed into a vehicle the other day. Thankfully they honked, and thankfully I stopped. I suppose if I hadn't and it had gone to court, I'd have been 85% at fault for doing it, and the other person 15% for speeding. But family relationships don't work that way. It isn't about justice- it's about compassion, grace, and mercy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PineFarmMom Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: This place can be a dangerous one when you're putting your heart out there. Kindness isn't always first in the responses. I agree with Incognito. I'd encourage you to do what will make for peace in your family, then forgive. In all truth, it seems there is responsibility more on the side of the nephew, but being the bigger person is often the thing that is in order. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 To me, this whole scenario is not about who is to blame since I do think that both the driver and the child share the blame. It is about being gracious. If I am the parent of the child who left the bike out, then I am gracious to my guest and insist that they not pay. And I am teaching my own child a lesson about taking responsibility for their own belongings. If the other person continues to insist on paying, I will give in and allow them to be gracious while making a big point to my child about how gracious they were in doing so. If I am the person who backed over the bike I will graciously offer to pay for the bike. I find it very very interesting that the reason the husband was there was to help his sister with repairs - an action which I hope came from a feeling of grace towards her and not for any other reason. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 After reading the new information, I think your dh should at least pay half. If it was that dark and that far off to the side, maybe nephew thought it was far enough out of the way. So, they both made a bit of a mistake. Nephew didn't completely put his bike out of the path of a visitor's car and your dh didn't do a full check behind his vehicle. I get that you teach your kids how to do things a certain way, but not all do. I always do a full check behind my car and I will be teaching my kids to do the same when they start driving. They will not get to use it being too dark as an excuse for missing something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Apparently I'm in the minority here, but if I, at the age of twelve, had left my bike laying behind a guest's vehicle for them to run over, not only would I NOT have gotten a new bike but I probably would have been grounded for a few days for possibly damaging the vehicle in question. When I was a kid (and this was the mid-nineties, so not exactly eons ago) you took care of your things. If you didn't, and something got ruined, you didn't demand a new one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
springmama Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Just another vote for always checking behind the vehicle. It's been almost three years since my friend lost her little one in a backover accident. We try very hard to make sure that will not happen to anyone else we know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 I don't find any of the new information relevant to the issue of who should pay. I still go back to the fact that your dh broke it, so he should buy it. I also go back to the fact that legally the driver is culpable for what they damage with their car. Whether or not your sister is a nice person, or what her rules are about where things get stored, whether or not an honest mistake was made, why he was there in the first place . . . none of these things change the fact that your dh broke it and should therefore cover that damage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitten18 Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 I did forget our geographical location, time of incident, what time the family sat down for dinner, what phase the moon was in, what color shirt my husband was wearing... Sheesh. I'm signing off now . Ok, I must add that I probably would not offer to pay for the kid's bike even if he was not doing her a favor. We teach our kids that you take care of your belongings and if they are damaged because you left them somewhere then it is your fault. I'm sure the nephew will be much more careful about where he leaves his bike. Thanks for the input, everyone All the information that you added later makes a difference in how people perceive the situation. It would have made a big difference in how this thread had gone if you would have had it in the OP. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 In the spring/summer I check under my car for my cat. Either my dd is with me or in the house and dh is old enough to get out of the way when he hears the car start. We don't have visitors that are unexpected and unaccounted for. So no, I don't walk all the way around my car when I get in it. If dd leaves her bike, scooter, whatever in the spot behind the passenger side back tire and it gets run over it is her fault for leaving it there. If there is a toddler in my driveway or my yard to potentially be run over by my backing up. I want to know where the heck the parents are of said toddler that he is in my yard or driveway unsupervised. Oh, I side with the OP's dh. on this one. The kid is 12. He is way to old to leave his stuff behind a parked vehicle that does not belong in his driveway. He knew his uncle would be leaving at some point. And the sister is nuts for demanding payment of $100 or so when her brother is saving her over a grand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Momof8, I know you said you are bowing out, but with the new info you can hardly fault us armchair jurors for having a new take on things. I would encourage you to see these as two separate issues: (1) the runover bike, and (2) the demands of an ungrateful sister. As for the bike, be the bigger person. It could have happened at any other home your dh was visiting. The demonstration of care by a generous uncle will have a lasting impact on the young man, and the nephew is the only one to think about with regards to the bike. Let your dh have an opportunity to be a generous hero (which btw seems like a lesson he'd not get from his own mom). Discuss the bike no more with sis. As for the free electrical work, when it's complete, your dh should prepare a statement for the full value of the cost of the work rendered. Make two copies, take to sis. Ask her to sign your copy "for tax records of charitable donations" and hand her the extra copy with the suggestion that she ask her tax person how she needs to go about declaring the value of work received on her next year's taxes. (Yes, the tax talk may all be hooey but it would satisfy the passive aggressive part of me :laugh: ). Once these events are handled, do not under any circumstances offer to do any more free work for her. And make the choice to not hold a grudge against her. Yes, she is wrong, but you are the one getting gray hairs over it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lolly Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 His nephew is 12. I don't know, i would never ask someone to pay for my child's mistake even if he was 4. If they insisted I may let them pay, but I would never ask. My husband was also there to do free work that she had an estimate from someone to do for $1,500. So, he's saving her $1,500 by taking a couple evenings away from his family to do work for free and she is still asking him to pay for the bike? Okay, I still think your dh is responsible for the bike, but with these circumstances it is ridiculous for them to ask him to replace it. I'd probably present them will a bill for his services and tell them I would replace the bike when it is paid. The bill would be equal to the amount of the replacement bike. I am guessing your dh was worn out is the reason he didn't notice the bike. Poor dear, do a good turn and this is what you get. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 I have been in a situation where my son got something from another country and showed it too their friends. One of their friends left it in the driveway and their mother ran over it. Here is the deal for me, her kids are taught to take care of their stuff, put it away. Never a word was said. The child didn't have to apologize, mom didn't offer to pay. I can tell you if this had happened at my house,I ran over something of her child's, she would have thrown a major fit. Double standard. I try and think about if what I expect in the situation is what I would expect if the situation was reversed. If you wouldn't expect her to pay if it was your child's stuff than, I wouldn't give it another thought. I would also wonder if she would have offerred to pay if she had done that and it had been one of your children's bikes. I don't think it is just easy to say, pay for the bike. If I had been giving and giving and giving and there hadn't been return on the other parties side, it would impact how I felt and what I would do. Certainly, you don't give and expect equal return. But, I have been in situations where I have looked back and realized, hey, I am the one always giving. Does she have a sense of entitlement? Is she cheap? Did they just buy that bike? How bad is the bike? Can it be taken somewhere and fixed? How upset is the nephew? Did he leave it there on purpose because it was an older bike and he wanted a new one? Did he drop it there because he was called into eat and obeyed his mom immediately? Again, all of these things would impact my decision about the bike. For me, I wouldn't have told someone they have to pay. However, I would liked an apology. For me, an apology goes a long way. (Not saying your dh didn't do that). In that situation, with dh helping out, I wouldn't have said anything about the bike since he was doing us a favor already. I would probably pay for the bike but I would really think twice about doing work for her. What if something goes wrong with the work and she expects you to pay for that too? Based on experiences with family and doing work, I would not even go there. If something goes wrong, they don't think the work was done the right way, they feel they overpaid in the end, all of these things impact the relationship. It stinks to do be willing to do someone a favor and then have something unexpected happens and have them be ungracious. Especially, if you are in a habit of being gracious with them. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GSOchristie Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Yes, your SIL is being a totally ungracious jerk, but is it worth it to have trouble in your family? I would not be happy, but I would pay my SIL the money and then pray that Jesus would help me not to be bitter toward her :). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 I also find it odd how many people say "we teach our kids ___" therefore "other people's kids should ___." There is no connection. I teach my kids Hindi, so should everyone else's kids be able to understand it? My kids were out of diapers at 1.5, so should everyone else's tots be punished for not using the toilet? It's great if you teach your kids to be responsible, but it's not the law for all parents. A responsible adult knows that the world is full of irresponsible kids, regardless of what we can expect from our own. And also, talk like that is usually followed by an embarrassing, foolish choice made by our own kids in the immediate future. ;) Well, speaking for myself, I mentioned what we teach our children b/c it absolutely has to do w/my thinking on the issue. I was picturing being the parent of the kid who's bike was run over, and basing my answer on that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 With all of the added info, I say your dh is right. His sister sounds spoiled. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto10blessings Posted February 25, 2013 Author Share Posted February 25, 2013 Ok, I'm back. :laugh: Yes, after it happened, my husband brought the bike up to the house and apologized to his nephew and told him when he came back he would try to fix it. Sister tells him "No, you need to buy him a new bike since fixing it probably will not make it like new". DH says whatever, we'll try to fix it. Meanwhile, before dh is home I get call from sister telling me what happened and how he's really going to have to buy a new one because it's too messed up to fix it up and it'll end up looking junky. I joke that nephew will learn a lesson after this and she gets mad... The reason my dh is helping her out with these repairs is because my dh is highly skilled and he likes to use his skills to help out his friends, family and those who are less fortunate. Repairs cost a ton of money. Sister was a little angry at dh that night because dh was complaining about how her dh could be helping him with these repairs instead of playing video games. We get it, not every one can do that kind of work, but the kids and her dh could hand him things and be his laborer but they refused. I should have included age and details in the OP. My apologies. I feel like I have given too many details and wasted too much time online on this issue... If it were my child I would not ask the person to pay and I thought the majority of parents would feel the same. Thanks for showing me different sides on this issue. And, again, no kids were at risk of being run over. I promise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 maybe dh could decide what kind of person HE is, without factoring in what kind of people his dear sister and nephew are, and then behave that way. is he the kind of person who volunteers to help his sister with her electrical work? yes. is he the kind of person who goes above and beyond the call to be helpful? yes. is he the kind of person who teaches his kids to be responsible for their things? is he the kind of person who pays for what he breaks? then he can figure out how he wants the relationship to evolve from here. hugs, ann ps. he might also consider being really open with his sister. something along the lines of "you know, it scared the bejeebers out of me that i was right there putting the tools in the back of my truck and didn't see the bike.... it could have been a kid or a dog or anything that i didn't see. its made me realize how really tired and overstretched i am. i'm going to take next weekend off, and sleep, and then i can finish up the electrical work at your house once i'm rested enough not to break anything else." pps. the whole video games incident would make me nuts, and would probably cause me to not volunteer to be helpful another time unless it seemed to me as if the relationship were more reciprocal than it sounds. ppps. it sounds as if the deal here is way more about relationship and feeling taken advantage of, than it is about the cost of a bike... i'm sorry about it all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyinTN Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Do you pay for it? My dh was at his sister's house and her son left his bike right behind my dh's rear wheel. He ran right over it... She wants him to pay but he says no way, it's the nephew's fault. Which I agree with. I wouldn't ask someone to pay for my kid's bike when the kid left it behind the wheel of a vehicle. What say you? Well being me....I would just pay for it. Kids are kids, and they make mistakes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Given the additional info, I would pay for the bike and consider it a cheap payoff to avoid ever doing anything for that sister again. She would be amazed at how suddenly busy I became. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 SIL sounds like a real brat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 If it were my child I would not ask the person to pay and I thought the majority of parents would feel the same. Thanks for showing me different sides on this issue. I do think that the majority agree with you on this. We would not ask the person to pay in that situation. But, being the driver, most of us would pay. A double standard, I know. Sometimes it's worth a few bucks to not have bad feelings following one around. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brilliant Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Ok, I'm back. :laugh: I'm glad you came back & hope you're not mad about all the different opinions expressed. It sounds like a situation without a good outcome, except that it gives dh the chance to be the bigger person. :closedeyes: About SIL's dh and kids not helping: Is the job done? (you mentioned several evenings). If not, dh should call to schedule his next visit "when it's convenient for SIL's dh to help, just let me know when!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 I think I'd wait for my sister to take me to small claims court. Then, I'd pay. And sister would never ever get free repairs again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 FWIW, I don't think this is about the bike at all. Had the OP made her original post about how her dh was bending over backwards to do SIster a huge favor (and taking a lot of time away from his family and saving her over $1500.00 to do it,) I think she would have received a lot of sympathy for that if Sister was completely ungrateful for his help. I can certainly understand the OP feeling resentful over that, even without the bike incident. I think the bike thing is more of a "straw that's broke the camel's back" sort of thing, rather than the true reason for the OP and her dh being so upset. I don't think they should be fighting with Sister over the bike, but instead should be addressing what appears to be a much larger issue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luanne Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 His nephew is 12. I don't know, i would never ask someone to pay for my child's mistake even if he was 4. If they insisted I may let them pay, but I would never ask. My husband was also there to do free work that she had an estimate from someone to do for $1,500. So, he's saving her $1,500 by taking a couple evenings away from his family to do work for free and she is still asking him to pay for the bike? I understand the driver being responsible to look behind him, but a 12 year old should know NOT to put a bicycle behind a car on the driveway. He is old enough to understand that. I think maybe splitting the cost would be fair, but I don't see why your dh should have to pay for the entire thing just because she hasn't taught her 12 year old any responsibility. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luanne Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 And I find it kind of disconcerting that a lot of people here have felt the need to jump all over the OP. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto10blessings Posted February 25, 2013 Author Share Posted February 25, 2013 Yes it would be nice for dh to pay since he was the one who ran over it. I just have a terribly hard time getting in to the mindset of a child not taking care of his things and receiving a new bike because of it. That's not how I raise my kids. And, yes, that does not mean that other people have to raise their kids the same. But I just can't reward that. Dh said nephew was kind of excited when he mentioned he'd fix up the bike so we'll see what happened when he goes back over there. Honestly, dh and I don't have $100 or so to buy a new bike. We just don't :crying: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Yes it would be nice for dh to pay since he was the one who ran over it. I just have a terribly hard time getting in to the mindset of a child not taking care of his things and receiving a new bike because of it. That's not how I raise my kids. And, yes, that does not mean that other people have to raise their kids the same. But I just can't reward that. Dh said nephew was kind of excited when he mentioned he'd fix up the bike so we'll see what happened when he goes back over there. Honestly, dh and I don't have $100 or so to buy a new bike. We just don't :crying: If you can't afford to replace the bike, Sister should be more understanding and buy her kid the bike. Under normal circumstances, I'd say your dh was responsible, but if he's really saving Sister $1500 by doing the work for her, she should suck it up and pay for the bike. I have to say, though, that if you're not in a position to be able to buy a bike, perhaps your dh's time could be better spent doing side jobs for people who will pay him, rather than working for free for someone who doesn't appreciate his efforts. Sister sounds like she thinks he owes her free labor, and that is simply not the case. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Dh said nephew was kind of excited when he mentioned he'd fix up the bike so we'll see what happened when he goes back over there. Honestly, dh and I don't have $100 or so to buy a new bike. We just don't :crying: I would have dh fix it like he originally offerred, especially since nephew is excited Since your dh is handy, I'm sure he could fix it up and it would look nice. Sounds like nephew might have a few ideas of what he would like to have is bike look like. Custom bike. Unique. No one else would have one like it right? See, how the SIL is after the bike is done. It may not be an issue any longer especially if the nephew is happy with it. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KatieJ Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 About SIL's dh and kids not helping: Is the job done? (you mentioned several evenings). If not, dh should call to schedule his next visit "when it's convenient for SIL's dh to help, just let me know when!" I agree with the above and with whomever said your DH can suddenly get real busy. It is nice to help out, but I don't believe you really have to be taken advantage of either. Sometimes you just have to make it clear that your time is valuable to your own family as well. DH had an occasion to help out someone with some computer work. it ended up he had to reload a program and that takes a while. At first he assumed that person didn't know to do it. Eventually in the course of conversation found out in fact yes, he did know how and had done it several times. Same person finally said, well, our favorite program is on, so I'll just leave you to it. Dh came home. And didn't go back. I Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandelion Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 I would still pay for the bike, even though the child is 12 and should know better. IMO it's the driver's responsibility to check around their car before backing up. Based on your update, it sounds like your DH might be able to fix the bike. I think that's a very reasonable offer and I hope your in-laws will accept that, given the circumstances. Another option might be to check Freecycle, if it's available in your area. You might be able to get a free used bike and/or free parts to fix your nephew's bike. www.freecycle.org Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto10blessings Posted February 25, 2013 Author Share Posted February 25, 2013 If you can't afford to replace the bike, Sister should be more understanding and buy her kid the bike. Under normal circumstances, I'd say your dh was responsible, but if he's really saving Sister $1500 by doing the work for her, she should suck it up and pay for the bike. I have to say, though, that if you're not in a position to be able to buy a bike, perhaps your dh's time could be better spent doing side jobs for people who will pay him, rather than working for free for someone who doesn't appreciate his efforts. Sister sounds like she thinks he owes her free labor, and that is simply not the case. True, we are strapped for cash since dh is making half the money he was a couple years ago. Mostly because all our extra cash goes towards paying off the medical bills we accumulated last year. There are not many people around here who can afford to pay for repairs. Hopefully the economy will go uphill soon. Thanks for listening to my rambling. Darn pregnancy hormones! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Yeah, I've done some free tax work for people who refused to keep their 4yo from literally climbing between my feet and trying to play with my computer the entire time. While daddy watched motocross. Then I heard something about how they thought they could have done a better job themselves. Thereafter they had ample opportunity to prove their theory. :/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Nope. If a kid leaves a bike in the driveway it's the kid's fault. Driveways are a place where cars drive. If you don't want your stuff run over by a car, don't leave your stuff where cars drive-driveways, streets, parking lots, etc. The value of this lesson learned the hard way is worth more to the child than the cost of replacing the bike. Welcome to the laws of physics and a world full of natural consequences. My children are not allowed to pay in the driveway if a car is coming or going on it. If a car engine is turned on, the kids have to immediately leave the driveway and take all their stuff with them. If they're no longer playing in the driveway they have to take all their stuff with them. I would never allow a child too young to do that on his/her own to play out front unsupervised. This is also true about playing on the street. If they can see a car moving on the street, they have to immediately get off the street and onto the sidewalk and take all their bikes, balls, toys and scooters with them. That's the norm here in my neighborhood. It's illegal to have pets roaming here. The homeowner's association doesn't allow outdoor cats and we have leash laws. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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