"Just Wanted You to Know -- You're Not Invited to Our Wedding" Notifications

[Rebecca VA]

This makes "save the date" magnets look like the highest form of etiquette:

 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2276016/Youre-NOT-invited-Bizarre-new-wedding-trend-sees-couples-alert-B-grade-friends-theyre-wanted-big-day.html#axzz2KOZ0xS5M

[LaxMom]

Is this what the world is coming to, that people have collected so many "friends" that they have to be tiered?

 

How rude.

[mom2att]

In a word, Facebook. If you have 5,000 FB "friends" and have announced your engagement, wedding, etc. there, clearly not everyone is going to get invited to the wedding. So just so no one is left wondering, you can make a call or send a note to let them know they aren't THAT kind of friend. How . . . thoughtful :glare:

[Rebecca VA]

Well, I predict the next trend in weddings is live-streamed ones. That way, you can "invite" all your Facebook, chat room, and other virtual friends, along with long-distance friends who just can't take days off of work and spend hundreds of dollars on airfare.

[Faithr]

People are incredibly narcissistic. The other day I was in a Panera and this girl was going on and on, I mean gushing, about her engagement and all her wedding plans to what looked like six of her female workers. I could see them stifling yawns. I was trying not to overhear it and was stifling my own yawns. And I think the wedding was a YEAR away. Oh my. But with not only bridal magazines but these bridal shows now and everything is about spending so much money and going over the top, etc, etc. Ick. I have even heard that brides can suffer depression after getting married because of the let down after all that attention and build up. Just ridiculous!

 

I do think streaming weddings could be the wave of the future.

[Donna]

Seriously, people do that?!

[Acorn]

Well, I predict the next trend in weddings is live-streamed ones. That way, you can "invite" all your Facebook, chat room, and other virtual friends, along with long-distance friends who just can't take days off of work and spend hundreds of dollars on airfare.

 

My neighbor just watched her dd's through Skype. They had planned to travel nearly cross country, but weren't able to.

[athena1277]

How tacky. It's a shame that being rude is no longer considered rude.

[GailV]

Well, I predict the next trend in weddings is live-streamed ones. That way, you can "invite" all your Facebook, chat room, and other virtual friends, along with long-distance friends who just can't take days off of work and spend hundreds of dollars on airfare.

 

 

We've been to one that was live streamed. But that was because they wanted to have people from several continents attend. The bride had been involved in mission work ... her family of origin had plenty of money to spend on live streaming, and her friends overseas were fairly low income.

 

It was a great wedding, by the way, and I'm glad so many people got a chance to be part of it.

[FaithManor]

Holy moley! I need to get ready for work, but I just had to tune in and say that every time you think a society has stooped as low as it's going to go, it manages lower the bar into negative numbers!

 

Seriously, the narci stuff seems to have no end. I know I'm about fed up with it and ready to explode on some people.

 

I do have to wonder about the effect of Facebook and texting all the time on young people. I hypothesize that they think they have real relationships when in reality all they have is the illusion thereof and they do not develop appropriate social skills, knowledge of manners, or concern for other peoples' feelings without face on contact with real humans. It's amazing to me how so many teens and twenty somethings will relate that their BF is someone they met on FB and they have NEVER met this person or even talked to them on the telephone. It's pretty easy to then end up tragically rude and self-serving towards someone whom you can cut out of your life with one click of a button. I think it dehumanizes society.

 

But, it's just a theory. No proof just lots of anecdotal evidence.

 

Faith

[GailV]

Holy moley! I need to get ready for work, but I just had to tune in and say that every time you think a society has stooped as low as it's going to go, it manages lower the bar into negative numbers!

 

Seriously, the narci stuff seems to have no end. I know I'm about fed up with it and ready to explode on some people.

 

I do have to wonder about the effect of Facebook and texting all the time on young people. I hypothesize that they think they have real relationships when in reality all they have is the illusion thereof and they do not develop appropriate social skills, knowledge of manners, or concern for other peoples' feelings without face on contact with real humans. It's amazing to me how so many teens and twenty somethings will relate that their BF is someone they met on FB and they have NEVER met this person or even talked to them on the telephone. It's pretty easy to then end up tragically rude and self-serving towards someone whom you can cut out of your life with one click of a button. I think it dehumanizes society.

 

But, it's just a theory. No proof just lots of anecdotal evidence.

 

Faith

 

 

My personal theory is that weddings bring out some of the worst of it (the narcissism), so you're seeing more than most of us.

[FaithManor]

My personal theory is that weddings bring out some of the worst of it (the narcissism), so you're seeing more than most of us.

 

 

Well, that's probably true! Seriously, if all the money wasn't tied up now in unrefundable deposits for facilities, the caterer, etc. you can bet we'd be loading these kids on a plane and headed away from the narci's to have them marry at an isolated waterfall somewhere in the world! Alas, can't be done now.

 

But, the saving grace is that in a little while, I'm headed to work at the quilt store where I will spend the day helping a great group of women who are the nicest, sweetest, most loving, gentlest, compassionate, people you'll ever meet. There will be 40 of them there for the class and not one single nasty person in the whole lot. So, possibly, by 4:00 this afternoon, my faith in humanity will have been restored or at least bolstered enough to function next week! LOL

 

And the best news is that they know that dh and I can't afford to give her a huge wedding so they won't be receiving invitations and they are all just okie dokie fine with it! Gotta love these gals. They don't know dd very well, but honestly, if I thought I could get away with it, I'd fire a bunch of relatives and invite these gals.

 

Faith

[Giraffe]

I am so glad we eloped. So incredibly glad.

[Remudamom]

Okay, I just got into a huge debate with dh and the kids about this. They brought up limited amounts of money. I think there's a better way to handle limited spaces at your wedding/reception.

 

I grew up in the South and you sent invitations and that was that. The midwest drives me nuts. In our small town they apparently put an announcement in the paper and whoever wants to come, comes.

[Chris in VA]

Or there's the curious custom of inviting people to the wedding ceremony, but not the reception...

[bobbeym]

Well, I predict the next trend in weddings is live-streamed ones. That way, you can "invite" all your Facebook, chat room, and other virtual friends, along with long-distance friends who just can't take days off of work and spend hundreds of dollars on airfare.

 

 

We're considering it for DS and DD(IL2B)'s wedding. DD's brother just started a tour of duty in Afghanistan while the wedding date is being planned around DS's best friend/man's Naval leave before he's ship-bound somewhere. Our church already does live streaming for service, so we're going to see if it's an option for the wedding. It would also make it easier for DD's friends from California to at least see them get married, even if they can't participate.

 

I don't see how it's all that different from Skyping it.

[Word Nerd]

The wedding industry keeps finding new products to sell to brides-to-be. The funny thing is they've probably convinced some people it's poor etiquette NOT to tell people they aren't invited to your wedding.

[Impish]

Silly me. I always thought that you receive an invitation = invited. Didn't get one = not invited. Isn't that the purpose of invitations?

 

My brain hurts.

[happypamama]

 

 

We've been to one that was live streamed. But that was because they wanted to have people from several continents attend. The bride had been involved in mission work ... her family of origin had plenty of money to spend on live streaming, and her friends overseas were fairly low income.

 

It was a great wedding, by the way, and I'm glad so many people got a chance to be part of it.

 

 

Actually, that sounds like a GREAT idea! My elderly grandparents were unable to travel across the country to my brother's wedding; I'm sure they appreciated seeing pictures and all, but live streaming would have been really cool for them! Or what if you have several internet group friends that are casual acquaintances but who live too far away to come (or if the venue for the ceremony just can't hold many people) -- live streaming sounds like a nice way to include people.

 

"You're not invited" cards, though -- WOW! That does seem awfully rude. Then again, it's rude of people to say "did my invitation get lost?" as well. If the couple doesn't hear from Susie Jones, then they are the ones who should call her and ask if she got her invitation.

[SKL]

OK, I wonder what happened to my post. Anyhoo.

 

I recall receiving a postcard announcing that there was going to be a wedding and hardly anyone was invited because of the cost. (It was to be somewhere exotic if I recall.) These were not people I was close to - I can't even remember who it was. I figured this was basically a request for gifts. I wonder how many people sent them a card with some money. I know I didn't.

[Word Nerd]

I wonder how they compile a non-invitation list. Which names get booted to the bottom tier and don't even merit a non-invitation?

[PachiSusan]

<shaking my head> our society is messed up.

[Dandelion]

Unbelievable.

 

Is the proper response to the "un-invite" the "un-RSVP"? Maybe they should sell cards that say "Just wanted you to know - I wasn't planning on coming anyway." :blink: :001_rolleyes:

[Parrothead]

Well, what happened to the wedding announcement? It was sent after the fact to people who needed to know the couple got married but they were "not invited to the wedding"

 

So a tasteful old tradition is being replaced with tacky and new.

 

By the time dd gets married she will be having a retro wedding.

[Dmmetler]

Well, I predict the next trend in weddings is live-streamed ones. That way, you can "invite" all your Facebook, chat room, and other virtual friends, along with long-distance friends who just can't take days off of work and spend hundreds of dollars on airfare.

 

 

 

One of my cousins did this-she and her fiance were married in a vegas wedding chapel that had a live and recorded feed available, and a few days before she sent out a mass e-mail saying "We didn't want a big wedding, but if you want to see it, here's where you can watch."

[Miss Marple]

This makes "save the date" magnets look like the highest form of etiquette:

 

http://www.dailymail...l#axzz2KOZ0xS5M

 

 

Yes, these are real. We received one last summer from a nephew and his live-in girlfriend of 7 years. I posted about it last summer. "Although you are really awesome, we simply can't invite all the awesome people we know..." It came complete with request that if we would care to donate $$$ to them that would also be "awesome".

 

Here's the really sad thing: In May of 2012 they decided to get married (for reasons unknown) and had a nice little ceremony and party with their awesome friends. They informed his mother via mail by sending her a "wedding ceremony" photo book. His mother, my sil, was greatly offended and hurt. But the saving aspect was that they planned another wedding this coming April 2013 in which all the really awesome people they know, including their parents, were invited. This event is to take place in Mexico as a special venue. His mother has been looking forward to it for months. Last month she was diagnosed with Stage 4 metastatic melanoma. She has been given a 2 month life expectancy. Last week she underwent surgery to remove to large tumors which were causing strokes. Because of major complications she is still unconscious. I don't think she will make the trip to Mexico.

 

This same self centered couple sent an invitation and tickets to the Mexico event to his elderly grandparents who are in assisted living. They don't get around well and would never be able to make the trip. We, their caretakers, were sent the non-invite :p We did consider taking his grandparents and dropping them at the wedding with the advice that we packed plenty of diapers for them and we, the non-invitees, were going to vacation nearby :D

 

I have posted the non-invite above my computer on my bulletin board as a reminder that such things should never happen. And because of such selfishness albeit unintentional they have screwed his mother out of seeing him married. What a shame...

[MiniBlondes]

Silly me. I always thought that you receive an invitation = invited. Didn't get one = not invited. Isn't that the purpose of invitations?

 

 

This was kind of my thoughts as well.

[MiniBlondes]

 

Yes, these are real. We received one last summer from a nephew and his live-in girlfriend of 7 years. I posted about it last summer. "Although you are really awesome, we simply can't invite all the awesome people we know..." It came complete with request that if we would care to donate $$$ to them that would also be "awesome".

 

Get out of here! They asked you to DONATE?! My mouth is literally hanging wide open at the moment. :ohmy:

 

 

This same self centered couple sent an invitation and tickets to the Mexico event to his elderly grandparents who are in assisted living. They don't get around well and would never be able to make the trip. We, their caretakers, were sent the non-invite :p We did consider taking his grandparents and dropping them at the wedding with the advice that we packed plenty of diapers for them and we, the non-invitees, were going to vacation nearby :D

 

And this? Made my mouth open wider. In laughter. :laugh: :lol:

[MindyD]

Wow, that would hurt! We did have one friend get married, and we never received an invitation. We were close enough to them (we thought) that we assumed we were invited considering the other people we knew were invited. Then a week before the wedding, I realized we'd never actually received an invite. So, that was kind of awkward. I don't know that a "you're not invited" card would have made it more or less awkward. As for the "Save the date" magnets, I actually like them. They're only sent to people invited to the wedding (or that's how it's supposed to be). It helped us with travel plans anyway.

[jillian]

My good friend got married after we graduated high school in 2004 and she sent announcements afterward and told me privately that it was just family because money was right. That was cool with me. I can't understand this "non invite" thing though. Weird

[caroljenn]

Unbelievable.

 

Is the proper response to the "un-invite" the "un-RSVP"? Maybe they should sell cards that say "Just wanted you to know - I wasn't planning on coming anyway." :blink: :001_rolleyes:

 

Haha!!

[justamouse]

What is the point of sending an *invitation* then? You don't get an invitation, you don't go. What is so hard about that? And really, with the $ problems people face today, if you get steamed that you aren't invited to a wedding? You just showed why you're not that close of a friend.

[caroljenn]

 

 

Yes, these are real. We received one last summer from a nephew and his live-in girlfriend of 7 years. I posted about it last summer. "Although you are really awesome, we simply can't invite all the awesome people we know..." It came complete with request that if we would care to donate $$$ to them that would also be "awesome".

 

Here's the really sad thing: In May of 2012 they decided to get married (for reasons unknown) and had a nice little ceremony and party with their awesome friends. They informed his mother via mail by sending her a "wedding ceremony" photo book. His mother, my sil, was greatly offended and hurt. But the saving aspect was that they planned another wedding this coming April 2013 in which all the really awesome people they know, including their parents, were invited. This event is to take place in Mexico as a special venue. His mother has been looking forward to it for months. Last month she was diagnosed with Stage 4 metastatic melanoma. She has been given a 2 month life expectancy. Last week she underwent surgery to remove to large tumors which were causing strokes. Because of major complications she is still unconscious. I don't think she will make the trip to Mexico.

 

This same self centered couple sent an invitation and tickets to the Mexico event to his elderly grandparents who are in assisted living. They don't get around well and would never be able to make the trip. We, their caretakers, were sent the non-invite :p We did consider taking his grandparents and dropping them at the wedding with the advice that we packed plenty of diapers for them and we, the non-invitees, were going to vacation nearby :D

 

I have posted the non-invite above my computer on my bulletin board as a reminder that such things should never happen. And because of such selfishness albeit unintentional they have screwed his mother out of seeing him married. What a shame...

 

Awesome. They sound like awesome people. Geez!!

[Chris in VA]

 

Yes, these are real. We received one last summer from a nephew and his live-in girlfriend of 7 years. I posted about it last summer. "Although you are really awesome, we simply can't invite all the awesome people we know..." It came complete with request that if we would care to donate $$$ to them that would also be "awesome".

 

Here's the really sad thing: In May of 2012 they decided to get married (for reasons unknown) and had a nice little ceremony and party with their awesome friends. They informed his mother via mail by sending her a "wedding ceremony" photo book. His mother, my sil, was greatly offended and hurt. But the saving aspect was that they planned another wedding this coming April 2013 in which all the really awesome people they know, including their parents, were invited. This event is to take place in Mexico as a special venue. His mother has been looking forward to it for months. Last month she was diagnosed with Stage 4 metastatic melanoma. She has been given a 2 month life expectancy. Last week she underwent surgery to remove to large tumors which were causing strokes. Because of major complications she is still unconscious. I don't think she will make the trip to Mexico.

 

This same self centered couple sent an invitation and tickets to the Mexico event to his elderly grandparents who are in assisted living. They don't get around well and would never be able to make the trip. We, their caretakers, were sent the non-invite :p We did consider taking his grandparents and dropping them at the wedding with the advice that we packed plenty of diapers for them and we, the non-invitees, were going to vacation nearby :D

 

I have posted the non-invite above my computer on my bulletin board as a reminder that such things should never happen. And because of such selfishness albeit unintentional they have screwed his mother out of seeing him married. What a shame...

 

I can't possibly be the only one who LONGS for you to share this post with them.

[Farrar]

I know someone who sort of did this. But in that particular case, it was because no family was invited because there were issues involved with some old bad behavior with different parts of the family and they couldn't face the potential of stirring things up. They needed to be clear. And they held separate regional celebrations where it was an everyone and their cousin is invited kind of thing.

 

I can't decide what's ruder though - is it the people that send these or the people who assume they're invited just because they keep up with the bride on FB?

[kewb]

That is messed up.

 

I think live streaming is an awesome idea. I wouldn't mind live streaming my dd's Bat Mitzvah for my almost 101 year old grandma. I doubt she will be able to make the trip and she would love to see her great-grandaughter read Torah.

[Audrey]

I am so glad we eloped. So incredibly glad.

 

 

Me, too.

[MFG]

I wonder how they compile a non-invitation list. Which names get booted to the bottom tier and don't even merit a non-invitation?

 

Now one has to make non-invitation A and B lists?

[Rebecca VA]

I think the A-listers get an invitation. The B-listers are told that they might get moved up, if anyone from the A-list declines.

[PachiSusan]

Now one has to make non-invitation A and B lists?

 

We did, but we never sent out "You're not invited" notes to the B list. We sent out the first 200 invitations ( a little earlier than etiquette demanded to get time for declines) , which were our A-list people. As declines from the A list came in, we sent invitations to the top of the B list. By the end, we were able to invite all our A list and All our B list. Luckily, it worked out great for us.

[Jeannie in NJ]

dh and I were invited to a wedding where the ceremony was in the morning and the reception 5 or 6 hours later. It was a 2 hour drive for us and we had to get a babysitter as the bride said no children whatsoever. We asked what we were supposed to do for the 6 hour break and we were told to "walk around the area" right in heels and in August. We chose to skip the ceremony and just go to the reception. The bride who was so against children had a baby a year later and then right after the couple got divorced.

 

this was the wedding of the son of friends of ours. I would have liked a non-invite for this. Dh asked (just me luckily) if we could get our wedding gift back if the wedding last less than 2 years.

[jillian]

For what it's worth we had a no children (15 and up only) policy and had a baby about a year later. Why did we have that policy? Because we didn't want to arrange nursery care, we didn't want to deal with the drama that comes with kids. We love children but we wanted it to be adults only.

 

By drama I mean how many small children enjoy being dressed up and kept out past their bedtimes in most cases?? Not many lol

[PachiSusan]

For what it's worth we had a no children (15 and up only) policy and had a baby about a year later. Why did we have that policy? Because we didn't want to arrange nursery care, we didn't want to deal with the drama that comes with kids. We love children but we wanted it to be adults only.

 

By drama I mean how many small children enjoy being dressed up and kept out past their bedtimes in most cases?? Not many lol

 

I think it simply has to do with what people's perceptions of a wedding are. For us, we saw our wedding as a celebration of family and two families coming together through our love. It didn't even occur to us to exclude children because that's what family is all about *to us*.

 

My nephew got married and he had a no kid policy because they wanted to DRINK and PARTY and having kids there would get in the way of their friends partying with them.

 

Everyone else's mileage may and does differ. :thumbup1:

[jillian]

Exactly. Now that I've got a little one I'm seriously like no way no how going out around her bedtime. I wouldn't enjoy myself at all.

 

Lol Susan that was part of our thing too. We literally were home for the wedding for a week and that's it because we were PCS-ing right after. We actually got married 6months before at the court house before orders came down so I'd be on them and he'd be eligible for housing allowance

[Aspasia]

People are incredibly narcissistic. The other day I was in a Panera and this girl was going on and on, I mean gushing, about her engagement and all her wedding plans to what looked like six of her female workers. I could see them stifling yawns. I was trying not to overhear it and was stifling my own yawns. And I think the wedding was a YEAR away. Oh my. But with not only bridal magazines but these bridal shows now and everything is about spending so much money and going over the top, etc, etc. Ick. I have even heard that brides can suffer depression after getting married because of the let down after all that attention and build up. Just ridiculous!

 

I do think streaming weddings could be the wave of the future.

 

Wow. I think people are onto something with their comments about narcissism. Honestly, who wouldn't feel like the world revolves around them when they spend a YEAR planning a day to celebrate themselves?

 

I kinda think Mormons do weddings right. First of all, most couples are only engaged for 2-4 months. That's it. Plan your wedding, get married, and get on with life. Why a year??? Second, in our culture, there is a wedding every weekend (if not two). Yes, you are queen for the day and everyone's attention is on you--but just ONE day, because next Saturday, it's another girl's turn. Third, we tend to just have a reception, so we invite everyone we know, give them some h'ordeuvres and some cake and a good time with friends, and they give us gifts (if you aren't terribly close to the couple, you give 'em a $20 toaster. Done.)

 

Letting it be the norm that a wedding takes a year to plan seems like it would encourage people to think that their day is THAT important to everyone else, too. Hence the need to send un-invitations if, heaven forbid, you can't accommodate every single acquaintance with a full fancy meal (the contents of which you agonize over for months).

 

For crying out loud, It's the most important day of YOUR life, not everyone else's.

[Faithr]

Aw, I am definitely in the weddings are about families and not just an excuse to get drunk and party camp. Geez, you can do that anytime! One thing I love about my dh is that when we were trying to decide whether to invite kids or not (because it makes things more expensive food-wise and we were on a budget and paying for everything ourselves). And he said, no it isn't a wedding if you don't have a kid crying and making noise in the background. So we just had an afternoon tea that was buffet style but it was a wonderful reception and the best thing was all those little kids getting out on the dance floor and dancing with their moms, dads, siblings, cousins, grandparents. They had a blast. It was so sweet and one of my fondest memories of the reception.

[Impish]

Personally, I wouldn't bring Boo to a wedding. I was at one where a toddler shrieked during the whole ceremony, you couldn't hear ANYTHING but the kid having a meltdown.

 

At my wedding, Diva was the youngest kid there...Wolf's the age of most of the *grandchildren* in MIL's family.

[tabrizia]

I have no issue with no kids allowed wedding. Just like I have no issue with kids allowed wedding. DH and I were quite happy to have children at our wedding. My sister is getting married March. My youngest (the almost 2 year old) and his cousin (just turned 2), will be there for the cerimony, though taken out if they are making noise, and pictures. After that they will both make a brief visit to the reception and head back to my sister's house with my sister's nanny for bed. My nephew is in bed by 7:15 and DS is in bed by 8pm normally, they would not be happy for long at an evening wedding so they won't be there. My older DS and DD and my niece who is 7 will party the night away at the wedding on the other hand. Other children were invited but based on when the wedding is and the location (not exotic, just not where a lot of the couples with kids live) they will be the only 3 children at the wedding.

 

As for the you are not invited cards. We have gotten these twice from DH's only 2 cousins in the US. They also didn't invite his grandmother or parents. Both DH and I felt like it was more of a gift grab then anything, so we didn't get them a gift but wished them well. If they had sent the announcement after the wedding, we won't have cared, we aren't close, I don't think I have seen either of his cousins since DS1 was 9 months old. The whole we are getting married on xyz date at xyz venue, but you aren't invited thing however just seemed the height of rudeness.

[FaithManor]

Wow. I think people are onto something with their comments about narcissism. Honestly, who wouldn't feel like the world revolves around them when they spend a YEAR planning a day to celebrate themselves?

 

I kinda think Mormons do weddings right. First of all, most couples are only engaged for 2-4 months. That's it. Plan your wedding, get married, and get on with life. Why a year??? Second, in our culture, there is a wedding every weekend (if not two). Yes, you are queen for the day and everyone's attention is on you--but just ONE day, because next Saturday, it's another girl's turn. Third, we tend to just have a reception, so we invite everyone we know, give them some h'ordeuvres and some cake and a good time with friends, and they give us gifts (if you aren't terribly close to the couple, you give 'em a $20 toaster. Done.)

 

Letting it be the norm that a wedding takes a year to plan seems like it would encourage people to think that their day is THAT important to everyone else,

 

Well, I think that this is ideal, but I think it's naive to think that all family members can travel on only 2-4 months notice. Yes, the wedding itself can be planned on short notice, but that doesn't mean that the people you want most to be with you at the event.

 

Dd's fiance's parents do foster care. Unfortunately their state and county are VERY stinky about lining up respite care. It's quite difficult to get respite. If they have less than six months notice, they won't be able to go away for more than 24 hours or they'd have to ask the girls to move. These precious ones have been with them nine years - will never be legally free for adoption, but will live the rest of their childhoods in care - and when the engagement was announced in September, his parents began applying for a respite placement so they could be gone for four days - the court denied them permission to take the girls out of state to attend their brother's wedding since he is not legally recognized as "family". (It's a 12 hour drive so 24 hrs. out of that will be spent on the road). So far DCFS has been able to find a family willing to take one of the girls but not both. They have less than four months to find someone else. Otherwise, they either issue a letter of intent forcing DCFS to remove their daughters permanently from their home - something that would rip everyone apart and they would never get over it - or a parent has to stay home from the wedding!

 

Between military placements and families living hundreds and thousands of miles apart, the logistics aren't so easy for everyone. If one of my nieces or nephews in the southern states was getting married and gave us less than six months notice, dh would not be able to attend. Except for a funeral in the immediate family, he can not have more than 48 hrs. of vacation without applying six months in advance. With our rocket team, he applies for next year's vacation one year ahead just in case they make it to Finals. If dd had given us less than six months, his employer would have said "tough tiddlywinks". He works for a company that has over 100,000 employees so he's not alone in this draconian practice. My brother is in the same boat because he's on a DoD contract. It takes months to get a sub because of security clearance issues. So, 6-9 months out he has to plan his time off. They look the other way on emergencies, but weddings aren't emergencies...it's hard enough to get a funeral declared one! Oh, and dd is a medic...if she wants more than one day off at a time, she must also apply 6 months out unless it's an emergency because there aren't enough medics to go around and covering shifts takes a lot of planning.

 

I think that in terms of scheduling, life has become rather tough for many families.

 

Now, that said, I'm still of the belief that "uninvites" are so rude, that they practically beg that the recipient respond with, as suggested, "I wasn't planning on coming anyway!" and a picture of Waterford Crystal or platinum silverware with the caption, "And here's the gift that I won't be sending too!" :biggrinjester:

 

But, I suppose that's only fueling the fire.

 

I wish I could invite the hive to the wedding. What is the proper method for pink slipping narcicisstic relatives? :D I bet you we could come up with some real doosies!

 

Faith

[Crimson Wife]

Okay, I just got into a huge debate with dh and the kids about this. They brought up limited amounts of money. I think there's a better way to handle limited spaces at your wedding/reception.

 

 

It isn't just the money issue- it's the fact that large weddings are very overwhelming to those of us who are introverts. I limited the guest list at my wedding because my extroverted dad and MIL would probably have invited 400+ guests between the two of them.