would you say something - people going through your stuff

[HappyLady]

Whenever my sister and her kids (16, 13, and 7) come over, I can tell the drawers in our bathroom have been gone through. It irks me, but I figured it was the kids and looked at it like "kids will be kids." There's nothing personal in our drawers so it's not like they're going to see anything interesting. I just don't know why it happens every. single. time. How exciting is toothpaste?? :confused1: :laugh:

 

Anyway, my sister told me that my niece really likes my lotion and wants to know where I got it. Well, that pretty much told me it's my niece (the 13 year old) that is definitely going through my drawers because I don't keep lotion out for someone to openly see. The only lotion I use is a face lotion and it's not cheap. So her using my expensive lotion doesn't make me too happy. :glare:

 

I really don't want to say anything because my niece is a sensitive kid, but I don't think she should be going through our drawers and using our stuff, you know?

 

How would you handle this?

[Jean in Newcastle]

I give family a bit more room when it comes to "my stuff". I would just tell her where you got the lotion. And since it is expensive, the next time I would take out the lotion and put it in your bedroom somewhere.

[Remudamom]

I would put a note on my drawers (or in my drawer) that says "Keep out. This is not your stuff."

[Laura Corin]

If she was generally a good kid then I'd say nothing at all. As Jean said, if I was really bothered, I'd put the lotion away. But I would probably just see it as a part of hospitality.

 

Laura

[Baseball mom]

I would put a note on my drawers (or in my drawer) that says "Keep out. This is not your stuff."

 

 

:thumbup: :rofl: I like this. Wish I had thought about this when my niece was younger. She was (still is) so nosey. Drove me nuts

[HappyLady]

I would put a note on my drawers (or in my drawer) that says "Keep out. This is not your stuff."

 

 

I thought of that and was tempted, believe me. LOL

[Janie Grace]

Hmmm, since your sister asked (and opened the topic), I think I'd actually tell her. I'd say, "Oh, I got that at Nordstrom's! It's really great stuff -- let me know if she can't find any and I can try to find it online for you (ie, go out of your way to be nice about it). I don't know if you knew this, but I actually keep that in a drawer and it's pretty pricey, so maybe Katie could just ask next time she needs to borrow some moisturizer." (I'd say this on the phone; I probably wouldn't write it in an email.) I think it's okay for your sister to know her kid is rifling through your stuff -- I'd want to know!

[Impish]

I'd be unhappy. I don't think being a guest in someone's house gives you the right to rifle through their stuff.

[mhaddon]

For some reason my kids are very inquisitive. As in when they walk into a home they want to see the whole thing and explore. It bothers me and I talk to them about it, but I think they are like that no matter where they go... they have to look through and around at everything and remember great details.

[Georgiana Daniels]

While I'd give family more leeway than random others, being hospitable doesn't, to my thinking, include rifling through drawers. If I wanted everyone to see what was in them, I wouldn't bother to put things away.

 

I agree with the PP who suggested putting the expensive goods in another room that is off-limit to guests, though I'd be a bit annoyed that the step was necessary. But that's just me--hospitality is not my gift, lol.

[Impish]

While I'd give family more leeway than random others, being hospitable doesn't, to my thinking, include rifling through drawers. If I wanted everyone to see what was in them, I wouldn't bother to put things away.

 

I agree with the PP who suggested putting the expensive goods in another room that is off-limit to guests, though I'd be a bit annoyed that the step was necessary. But that's just me--hospitality is not my gift, lol.

 

I totally agree w/you, other than the 'hospitality is not my gift' statement. I really think it's rude for a guest to be rifling through things. Not a lack of hospitality on the part of the host, but rather manners on the part of the guest.

[Rebecca VA]

OK, I'm going to confess -- I used to be nosy when I was young. I had too little supervision and probably too much time on my hands. My stepmother made a HUGE deal about my snooping ways, which was probably the right thing to do. It embarrassed me so much and made me so fearful of being caught that I simply stopped going into other people's belongings and never did it again.

 

One thing my stepmother did was sit me down and say, "Here's what's in my drawers. Look carefully. I'm going to show you everything so you don't need to snoop. If you want to know what's in a drawer or a cabinet, you can ask. But don't ever go into people's things without permission. It makes them not trust you and not want to have you in their home."

 

Depending on your relationship with your sister and niece, you might be doing the girl a favor by mentioning how uncomfortable this makes you. Left un-dealt-with, your niece could grow up thinking snooping around is perfectly acceptable behavior. I once fired a babysitter who went through our closets and drawers and told her why -- if she continued doing that, she would get fired from a real job, or suffer social consequences far worse than losing a little babysitting job. I hope she stopped.

[Miss Mousie]

I would put a note on my drawers (or in my drawer) that says "Keep out. This is not your stuff."

 

I like this idea, but I think I'd use a different tone: "If you need to use one of my personal items, please just ask me and I will get it for you."

[Miss Mousie]

For some reason my kids are very inquisitive. As in when they walk into a home they want to see the whole thing and explore. It bothers me and I talk to them about it, but I think they are like that no matter where they go... they have to look through and around at everything and remember great details.

 

This would bother me enough to address it as many times and in as many ways as necessary. Somehow they need to understand that what they're doing is a breach of privacy that some people do not take lightly. I think Rebecca and her stepmother handled similar situations well; maybe it will help you too.

 

One thing my stepmother did was sit me down and say, "Here's what's in my drawers. Look carefully. I'm going to show you everything so you don't need to snoop. If you want to know what's in a drawer or a cabinet, you can ask. But don't ever go into people's things without permission. It makes them not trust you and not want to have you in their home." Depending on your relationship with your sister and niece, you might be doing the girl a favor by mentioning how uncomfortable this makes you. Left un-dealt-with, your niece could grow up thinking snooping around is perfectly acceptable behavior. I once fired a babysitter who went through our closets and drawers and told her why -- if she continued doing that, she would get fired from a real job, or suffer social consequences far worse than losing a little babysitting job. I hope she stopped.

[Parrothead]

If it were me and my db, I'd tell him to tell his kid to keep his mitts out of my stuff. Although, I don't know if you have that kind of relationship with your ds/dn.

[magnificent_baby]

No, I wouldn't say anything. But I am the type to avoid confronting family members in general. I would hide anything expensive though next time.

[KathyBC]

For me, deciding whether looking in drawers is rude or not depends which room in the house we're talking about. It might be expected that drawers in "public" rooms like the kitchen and bathroom might be opened. I've seen friends cleaning every cupboard in their kitchen before overnight company arrives, for instance. Especially if it's family or friends who are around a lot, bathroom drawers often contain things like bandaids, which might be fair game. Master bedrooms, on the other hand, would be clearly out-of-bounds. But then, I probably wouldn't mind a niece using lotion. If it is expensive and special, then yes, you might have to say something.

 

My. 02.

[misty.warden]

Wouldn't bother me that they were looking through it, using my expensive face cream would mean they were using my master bathroom, which I don't allow for guests. I'd ask them not to use your things without asking first and maybe suggest that if she liked the face cream that much you could make it a Christmas/Birthday gift?

 

Confession time: I look at people's medicine cabinets and bathroom drawers, however taking it upon myself to use any of the things in there besides the hand soap never crossed my mind. Most of the time it's because I like to see how people organize their cabinets, partly because I'm just a nosy person and saying something like, "I noticed you use x face cream, I haven't tried it. Do you like it?" is a good ice breaker and I'm painful at starting face to face conversations.

[Impish]

Someone that decided to go through my medicine cabinet/drawers wouldn't be welcome back. Sorry, that's just icky to me.

 

I think I'm going to start clearing everything personal out of my cabinets and drawers. It's nobody's biz what meds I take, etc. If I wanted ppl to know that kinda stuff, I'd offer them my medical charts. Blech.

 

ETA: We only have the one bathroom, so putting personal meds, etc in another isn't an option.

[somo_chickenlady]

I would feel violated, but probably would not say anything. I would be irritated that someone put their fingers in my face lotion, but that is the germaphobe in me. I don't like sharing cosmetics.

[Joanne]

Wow. I'm a bit surprised at the level of "ok" with this.

 

To *me*, opening drawers in a home with the possible exception of a kitchen during a food event is a no brainer no-no.

 

I don't care how old you are; you don't open or go into another person's stuff/personal space. Period.

[Impish]

Wow. I'm a bit surprised at the level of "ok" with this.

 

To *me*, opening drawers in a home with the possible exception of a kitchen during a food event is a no brainer no-no.

 

I don't care how old you are; you don't open or go into another person's stuff/personal space. Period.

 

:iagree:

[Ellie]

For some reason my kids are very inquisitive. As in when they walk into a home they want to see the whole thing and explore. It bothers me and I talk to them about it, but I think they are like that no matter where they go... they have to look through and around at everything and remember great details.

 

I'd be all over my children for that. They have to learn boundaries.

[Impish]

I'd be all over my children for that. They have to learn boundaries.

 

Absolutely!

[Laura Corin]

Wow. I'm a bit surprised at the level of "ok" with this.

 

To *me*, opening drawers in a home with the possible exception of a kitchen during a food event is a no brainer no-no.

 

I don't care how old you are; you don't open or go into another person's stuff/personal space. Period.

 

 

I find that there are cultural/personal rules on privacy/private space that surprise me on WTM all the time. It just doesn't worry me if someone visits without calling first, turns their car in my drive, parks on the road in front of my house or looks through drawers in a shared space like a bathroom. Just not a concern. I'd draw the line at reading documents, but apart from that I'm relaxed.

 

Laura

[Joanne]

While I would always teach my kids it is impolite to snoop through drawers, I can see how this could depend on circumstances. It would depend on how close I am to the people. There are some relatives/friends who probably feel just as comfortable in our house as their own, and vice versa, so this would not bother me.

In my opinion, putting the "keep out" note would be much more rude than a kid looking in a bathroom drawer. Sure, there are boundaries, but this seems like a very petty thing to pounce on.

 

 

 

See, I don't see or feel it that way at all. I don't consider bedrooms or bathrooms "shared space" for guests. I consider those spaces private. I don't go into my kids' dressers, closets, or bathroom drawers. I certainly expect guests not to open any or our drawers.

[prairiewindmomma]

Not ok.

 

We purposefully chose a house designed with all of the bedrooms/private bathrooms upstairs. Guests have access to a half bath in the main living space....where if they look in the cabinet, they are going to find spare clean handtowels, toilet paper, kleenex, and some feminine hygiene products they are welcome to take if needed....nothing personal at all.

[Scarlett]

I had a nosy kid...but he was pretty young. I remember so well telling him, 'do not open any doors, drawers or cabinets!' And 'this is a look don't touch house/store'. He was so cute with his little hands clasped behind his back walking around muttering, 'look don't touch.'

 

As for a 13 year old...yeah, I"d hide expensive stuff and put embarrassing stuff in the drawers.

[ErinE]

Confession time: I look at people's medicine cabinets and bathroom drawers, however taking it upon myself to use any of the things in there besides the hand soap never crossed my mind. Most of the time it's because I like to see how people organize their cabinets, partly because I'm just a nosy person and saying something like, "I noticed you use x face cream, I haven't tried it. Do you like it?" is a good ice breaker and I'm painful at starting face to face conversations.

 

 

Yeah, I wouldn't be okay with this... Asking what sort of face cream someone uses would tell me you've been snooping. When people ask for TP or hand soap, I don't mind directing them, but I would have serious problems (even with family members) if someone was going through my drawers just to see what's in there.

[Laura Corin]

 

 

See, I don't see or feel it that way at all. I don't consider bedrooms or bathrooms "shared space" for guests. I consider those spaces private. I don't go into my kids' dressers, closets, or bathroom drawers. I certainly expect guests not to open any or our drawers.

 

 

I was assuming that this was a bathroom shared with guests? Is the OP talking about an en-suite that is attached to her own bedroom?

 

Laura

[HappyLady]

I was assuming that this was a bathroom shared with guests? Is the OP talking about an en-suite that is attached to her own bedroom?

 

Laura

 

 

 

It's our main bathroom, but it's not attached to a bedroom or anything.

[crazyforlatin]

If my DD were 13 years old and snooping, meaning opening a private drawer and using an aunt's lotion, I would be upset. For the niece's own good so that it doesn't become a habit as an adult, someone needs to talk to her gently. What if she gets a babysitting job in a couple of years and this habit extends to her employer's home?

 

I don't even like it when DD goes into a store and touches everything, unless it's something we are planning to buy or need to try on. And in our case, if a toys indicates "Try Me."

[Laura Corin]

 

 

It's our main bathroom, but it's not attached to a bedroom or anything.

 

 

Thanks - that's what I thought.

 

Laura

[unsinkable]

maybe she was actually looking for something she needed? like lotion.

[QueenCat]

I can't imagine going through people's "things" but I would certainly open a cabinet to look for toilet paper.

[kitten18]

I give family a bit more room when it comes to "my stuff". I would just tell her where you got the lotion. And since it is expensive, the next time I would take out the lotion and put it in your bedroom somewhere.

I agree. I think it completely depends on your relationship with the family members. If I'm at one of my sister's houses and I needed something like lotion I would just go in their bathroom and find it (I would look in sister's drawers/cabinet but not in BIL's side) and my sisters would do the same at my house.

 

I would not do this with DH's family, the relationship is different.

[Scarlett]

And I would not mind my niece getting into my lotion.

[KathyBC]

Someone that decided to go through my medicine cabinet/drawers wouldn't be welcome back. Sorry, that's just icky to me.

 

I think I'm going to start clearing everything personal out of my cabinets and drawers. It's nobody's biz what meds I take, etc. If I wanted ppl to know that kinda stuff, I'd offer them my medical charts. Blech.

 

ETA: We only have the one bathroom, so putting personal meds, etc in another isn't an option.

 

Wow. I'm a bit surprised at the level of "ok" with this.

 

To *me*, opening drawers in a home with the possible exception of a kitchen during a food event is a no brainer no-no.

 

I don't care how old you are; you don't open or go into another person's stuff/personal space. Period.

 

 

Yet more proof of the strange dichotomy that is the internet. I have never met either of you, yet know a schocking amount of your personal history. But you wouldn't want someone you know well enough to invite into your home to know what meds you're on? I guess it must be that whole 'easier to talk to strangers' thing?

[gardenmom5]

store some bouncy snakes in your drawers next time they come over. marbles are great in a medicine cabinet.

 

then when she sets them off - thank her for finding them for you. 13yo's don't like being the center of that type of attention and it should help her think twice next time.

[gardenmom5]

Confession time: I look at people's medicine cabinets and bathroom drawers, however taking it upon myself to use any of the things in there besides the hand soap never crossed my mind. Most of the time it's because I like to see how people organize their cabinets, partly because I'm just a nosy person and saying something like, "I noticed you use x face cream, I haven't tried it. Do you like it?" is a good ice breaker and I'm painful at starting face to face conversations.

 

I would be in so much shock, I wouldn't answer. I wouldn't even dream of doing that with my best friend irl. (and I stay in her house) If i wanted to know if she had a face cream she liked, I'd ask *that*. not go snooping.

[Impish]

Yet more proof of the strange dichotomy that is the internet. I have never met either of you, yet know a schocking amount of your personal history. But you wouldn't want someone you know well enough to invite into your home to know what meds you're on? I guess it must be that whole 'easier to talk to strangers' thing?

I don't share everything, I edit my life, just as I'm sure others do as well.

 

And, no, it's nobody's biz what meds I'm on. My medical history is personal, private, and I'd like it to stay that way.

 

Yes, I'm open about having RSD, but I don't put all the ins and outs of my medical situation online, don't discuss it w/anyone outside of Wolf, etc.

 

Nobody's entitled to snoop through my house, potentially gleaning information I've chosen not to share w/them.

[Mom-ninja.]

It doesn't bother me with places like a bathroom. I think it's cultural. I have a cousin whose wife is from South America. When they stay here she really makes herself at home. We have a guest room with a bathroom. When they stayed here once I came home from the store to find her in my master bath giving her toddler a bath. She also had found the baby shampoo in my cabinet to use. I assumed she had brought her own but she didn't. So she looked for it and found it. She also preferred the tub in my master bath to bathe her dd in. Didn't bother me at all. She is a very sharing person and when we stay at their house she makes her whole house open to us. She's an amazing hostess.

 

My family is also very open when it comes to sharing things. However, my mom takes it too far. She will snoop through our bills and paperwork. She snoops in my bedroom closet. She's relentless and has no shame. Dh and I lock our stuff in a filing cabinet now when she comes over. Drives her crazy.

 

Yes, I've told her to stop. My dad has told her to stop. She doesn't. I outsmarted her. End of story.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Wouldn't bother me that they were looking through it, using my expensive face cream would mean they were using my master bathroom, which I don't allow for guests. I'd ask them not to use your things without asking first and maybe suggest that if she liked the face cream that much you could make it a Christmas/Birthday gift?

 

Confession time: I look at people's medicine cabinets and bathroom drawers, however taking it upon myself to use any of the things in there besides the hand soap never crossed my mind. Most of the time it's because I like to see how people organize their cabinets, partly because I'm just a nosy person and saying something like, "I noticed you use x face cream, I haven't tried it. Do you like it?" is a good ice breaker and I'm painful at starting face to face conversations.

 

 

If you commented on beauty or personal products I use that you found in my bathroom cupboards, I would be appalled and embarrassed. That's a mighty personal conversation starter.

 

Wow. I'm a bit surprised at the level of "ok" with this.

 

To *me*, opening drawers in a home with the possible exception of a kitchen during a food event is a no brainer no-no.

 

I don't care how old you are; you don't open or go into another person's stuff/personal space. Period.

 

 

ITA.

 

Adult guests and strangers going through stuff (and commenting on what they found!) would not be asked back. I wouldn't embarrass them in my home by calling them on it, but I wouldn't trust them enough to have them back again. I think it's pretty standard guest behavior to *ask* if you need hand lotion or whatever, and I also think it's acceptable to look for the toilet paper if you are in the bathroom and don't see it. Beyond those instances, the host's stuff is personal.

 

A niece is in the "family" category, and a child, so I would react differently. I'd nicely tell her the rules of the house for this, just as for anything else worth mentioning, but make sure she knew she was welcome. Children have to be raised. They aren't born knowing that people have different standards of manners and privacy. There are nice ways to handle these things, so the young people feel good about visiting again.

[Ellie]

While I would always teach my kids it is impolite to snoop through drawers, I can see how this could depend on circumstances. It would depend on how close I am to the people. There are some relatives/friends who probably feel just as comfortable in our house as their own, and vice versa, so this would not bother me.

Yes, I could see this.

 

But in general, I would teach my dc not to do it, because I wouldn't want him trying to make judgements over which bathrooms are ok to ransack and which are not, KWIM?

 

In my opinion, putting the "keep out" note would be much more rude than a kid looking in a bathroom drawer. Sure, there are boundaries, but this seems like a very petty thing to pounce on.

 

Definitely much more rude.

[Joker]

I think some of this could be dependent upon your family culture. In my family I would open a cabinet to look for toilet paper, toothpaste, bandaid, etc. It wouldn't be a big deal and I don't care if my family does the same here. I can open up a cabinet to look for a bandaid without snooping into what medications are there. Dh's family is the same way so we don't have these problems. Our families would actually look at us like we grew an extra head if we asked where basic things were because they would just expect us to look. I would never do it at anyone's house outside of my family though because I know they might take offense.

[Wabi Sabi]

 

 

See, I don't see or feel it that way at all. I don't consider bedrooms or bathrooms "shared space" for guests. I consider those spaces private. I don't go into my kids' dressers, closets, or bathroom drawers. I certainly expect guests not to open any or our drawers.

 

 

See, I happen to think that there are some acceptable reasons why a guest might look in someone's bathroom closets or drawers: suppose the 13 year old unexpectedly needed a tampon? Or ran out of toilet paper? In that situation I'd be embarrassed to open the door and call down the hallway (pants around the ankles) to ask my aunt permission to look for a tampon or roll of TP. Not that it necessarily sounds like this is the case with the OP, but in general I can absolutely imagine some legitimate reasons one might discretely take a peek into a closet.

[Impish]

Well, I leave extra TP out, and feminine supplies are usually on a shelf, visible. So, no, still no need to go through things at my house.

 

But, I do get what you're saying...and it's completely different from pps in this thread that have admitted to being 'nosy' and going through ppls things, or having kids that do, just b/c.

[regentrude]

Wow. I'm a bit surprised at the level of "ok" with this.

 

To *me*, opening drawers in a home with the possible exception of a kitchen during a food event is a no brainer no-no.

 

I don't care how old you are; you don't open or go into another person's stuff/personal space. Period.

 

Obviously different families have very different cultural traditions.

 

It would never have occurred to me that my bathroom drawers are personal space that family members are not supposed to open.

My family members (and that's whom we are talking about - not random strangers) are allowed to open drawers and cupboards, rummage around in the kitchen, help themselves to things from the pantry, take my books from the shelves - they're family. They are welcome to treat my home as their home.

When I visit my parents' house in the summer, it is exactly the same: I am supposed to feel as if I am at home there, too.

 

I would draw the line at reading private correspondence and going through documents. But using everyday stuff - no problem.

[kitten18]

Obviously different families have very different cultural traditions.

 

It would never have occurred to me that my bathroom drawers are personal space that family members are not supposed to open.

My family members (and that's whom we are talking about - not random strangers) are allowed to open drawers and cupboards, rummage around in the kitchen, help themselves to things from the pantry, take my books from the shelves - they're family. They are welcome to treat my home as their home.

When I visit my parents' house in the summer, it is exactly the same: I am supposed to feel as if I am at home there, too.

 

I would draw the line at reading private correspondence and going through documents. But using everyday stuff - no problem.

That's exactly how it is in *my* family is too.

[Impish]

Hmmm.

 

I don't care if ppl help themselves in the kitchen. I don't keep personal items there. Bathroom, I do, so yes, I'd feel like my privacy had been violated.

 

Maybe all it is is that neither Wolf nor I have a close relationship w/any extended family, so w/the exception of 2 of his cousins, the whole group is basically familiar strangers. That being said, there are those I've met once or twice that aren't even that. None of my family is in province, so that's not an issue.

 

Then again, I *need* my privacy. I don't like my kids going through my room, nor Wolf in my purse.