Do you have a favorite child?

[NCMom]

It's fairly common imho. My best friend growing up was the clear favorite of two. I see it in several homeschool families we know. Each of my parents, grandparents and several uncles/aunts had favorites. It was widely acknowledged and discussed in the family. Apparently my mother found it amusing. When other people do it though, it's horrible, lol.

 

In fact, my mother sent my middle sister a card last year telling her that middle sister was her favorite and telling her not to tell me ('cause I wouldn't care anyway) and not to tell my youngest sister (because she was previously the favorite and would be devastated). Now middle sister has gone to minimal contact with our mother. Gee, that worked out well, mom.

 

Why do people do this so openly? It has caused so many relationship problems in our family.

 

Georgia

[fhjmom]

Have you seen the book, "I Love You the Purplest?"

 

That book was exactly what came to my mind as I read through this post!

[Hoot]

Yes. My favorite is mine. :D

 

 

:lol:

Same here. I only have one, so he is the favorite by default.

[Aelwydd]

Here is an article by the Huffington Post about this very subject.

[fairfarmhand]

That seems so strange to me. I will admit that sometimes I am drawn to one child more than the other but it varies. And it is situational. It's just so...different. I could not make a blanket statement that one of my DD's is consistently my favorite. I just couldn't. My favorite for what?

 

Each thing I do with each of them is different because they are different. They have never asked if I love one of them more than the other but I think I would have to say something confusing like, "Yes. I love you both more than the other. You won't understand until you become a mother of more than one child."

 

Eh. I think that father is confusing favoritism with enjoyment. If your parenting skills and enjoyment are more focussed on activities then yes, you will enjoy a 5 year old more than a 2 year old. Just my thoughts.

 

there are certain things that I enjoy doing with some kids more than others. And I enjoy certain ages more than others too.

[mommymilkies]

I don't care how many people he quotes, I don't have a favorite child. Both of my Dc can be wonderful to be around, or they can annoy me to the nth. People can think I'm lying all they want. I don't like or love one more than the other, though they are different and I appreciate different things about each.

 

Around here it's the cat who is sometimes my favorite, the dogs are more work than the kids! Kitty clearly knows what's best for me----snuggling in bed. :lol:

 

:iagree: my poor kids have said they feel jealous of the cats, but rarely each other. :lol: I do not have a favorite. Favorite assistant cook? Yes. Favorite coffee shop and book buying buddy? Yes. Favorite walking buddy? Of course. But not favorite child.

[Maus]

I took a Human Development class in college back in the day, and the professor talked about favoritism. His definition of favoritism was very like this:

 

I do not have a favorite child. Certainly I am closer to some of my children than others. But also, some personalities get along better than others. It doesn't mean I love one child more or less than another...it's just the nature of the relationship with adult & almost adult children.

 

It isn't about loving, because most people love all their children. He said each parent has one child who "gets" them more than the others, one who can push all the right buttons, etc.

 

Remembering that favoritism, by his definition, *isn't* loving one more than another, he said every parent has a favorite and nearly every parent does not believe he or she has a favorite, but that the children do sense and know who the parent's favorite is, unless they happen to be the favorite.

 

He did this exercise in class where he said to raise your left hand if you knew who your father's favorite was; then leaving the left hand where it was, raise your right hand if you knew who your mother's favorite was.

 

He then had everyone who had no hands raised stand up, unless they were an only. It was a relatively small group -- ten or so kids out of a class of 200. He told that group, "you are the favorite!"

 

I went home and tried it. I'm one of three. My dad favors the middle child, and my mom favors the youngest. I've always known that. I asked my brothers who each parent favored. The youngest said, "Dad favors L, but Mom doesn't have a favorite." The middle argued, "Mom favors J, but Dad doesn't have a favorite." My parents both were absolutely positive they didn't have a favorite. (I should say, I have a pretty good relationship with both my parents, esp. since I left teenagehood behind. ;) )

 

 

I think the blogger was way out of line to publicly name his boys and state a favorite. Even on the net, what we say is more permanent than we think, and those boys may well grow up to read that. I think the guy he quoted had a point. It's easier to see favoritism in any one else besides ourselves.

 

I do have a favorite, and I know I do, and because I'm aware of it, I'm working hard to develop better relationships with the other two. DH is the same. His is a different child. He is also making a strong effort to really get to know and enjoy the other two.

 

I guess that boils down to, you probably *do* have a favorite, even if you don't think so, and your kids are picking up on it, even if you aren't. By being consciously aware of that dynamic, you can take steps to make sure that normal phenomena doesn't make any of the children feel unloved.

Edited September 25, 2012 by Maus

[celticmom]

Yes. My favorite is mine. :D

 

:iagree:

[Sneezyone]

I do have a favorite, and I know I do, and because I'm aware of it, I'm working hard to develop better relationships with the other two. DH is the same. His is a different child. He is also making a strong effort to really get to know and enjoy the other two.

 

This is EXACTLY how DH and I are dealing with it.

[Impish]

Of COURSE I have a favourite!

 

Diva is my favourite for having logical discussions and debates. For talking about literature, life, and politics.

 

Tazzie is my favourite when he's all snuggly in my lap...and when watching him conquer his surroundings in that no holds barred, butt on fire, hair catching driven energy he has.

 

Princess is my favourite when she's cuddling in my lap (notice a trend?) telling me she'll always be my baby girl, even when she's all 'growed up'. She's my fave when decked out in her pretty princess gear, dancing around the kitchen, playing w/her dollies, or out in a mud puddle, filthy from head to toe in hand me down jeans from her brother.

 

Boo's my favourite when he's exploring his new world, acquiring new skills, learning to talk, standing, crawling, giggling, squealing...He also has an edge right now b/c he doesn't talk, argue, debate everything, all the time.

 

so yup, I totally have a favourite. Just depends on the moment.

[I.Dup.]

Of COURSE I have a favourite!

 

Diva is my favourite for having logical discussions and debates. For talking about literature, life, and politics.

 

Tazzie is my favourite when he's all snuggly in my lap...and when watching him conquer his surroundings in that no holds barred, butt on fire, hair catching driven energy he has.

 

Princess is my favourite when she's cuddling in my lap (notice a trend?) telling me she'll always be my baby girl, even when she's all 'growed up'. She's my fave when decked out in her pretty princess gear, dancing around the kitchen, playing w/her dollies, or out in a mud puddle, filthy from head to toe in hand me down jeans from her brother.

 

Boo's my favourite when he's exploring his new world, acquiring new skills, learning to talk, standing, crawling, giggling, squealing...He also has an edge right now b/c he doesn't talk, argue, debate everything, all the time.

 

so yup, I totally have a favourite. Just depends on the moment.

 

:iagree:

 

I think it's normal and natural to have a "favorite" in a sense. Obviously it is common, and it varies. They are each so precious and so different, it really is amazing.

 

I believe like other posters have said, that some personalities just mesh together better than others. How can I feel the exact same emotions toward the child who fights me constantly as I have toward the child who is so sweet and loving all the time? They're just so different and my love for each of them is unique.

[gardenmom5]

I don't have a favorite per se, but I do have children I have an easier time talking with. (four of them are adults). I've also had to focus on needs of a particular child at times, frustratingly making me feel I was shortchanging another child.

 

I grew up in a family where we were set at competition with each other for attention. and there were very obvious favorites. I absolutely refused to repeat that in my home.

[Aelwydd]

What I find ironic is how disputed the notion of favoritism is among devout Christians, when the Bible clearly indicates that God "loved Joseph" but "hated Esau," and many other places where God favors Israel over every other nation. And finally, where God clearly establishes a pattern of favoring the second born (or youngest) over the first born, starting with Abel, going through Isaac (versus Ishmael), Joseph over Esau, David over his older brothers, Solomon over his older brothers, and so forth, right on down to the second, or last, Adam - Christ, Himself.

 

Heck, even Christ alluded to the phenomenon with the parable of the Prodigal Son. You see in the end that the older son is cast as the angry child, and the younger as embraced and loved within the fold.

 

Then, you have earthly Jerusalem (correlating with Hagar), and heavenly Jerusalem, Old Testament versus New (which Hebrews proclaims is superior to the old covenant), earthly Israel versus heavenly Isreal (the Church), and so forth.

 

In short, it's not just an anomaly, but an extant pattern throughout the Bible. Favoritism among children is clearly endemic among humans, even from very early on. I think it's so entrenched into human relationships, that that is why it's so taboo now to really admit it. We know and understand and in most cases, have experienced the negatives of favoritism in one form or another. But, we also understand it's not easy to control or suppress feelings, and we don't get to choose the personalities of our children. Conflicts are inevitable. Therefore, instead of dealing with this dichotomy head on, I think there are many parents who will just pretend or tell themselves that the strong connection they feel with one or two of their kids (and don't share with the others) is not favoritism, but some other innocuous thing.

 

All that's not to say that all kids can or must be loved in exactly the same way or parented the same. That's clearly impossible for many reasons. What it does say is that there's a line between different parenting approaches, and different strengths of bonding between parents and children.

 

I think that though bonds of affection must differ in regards to expression, the real danger lies in when the strength of the bond in question is lessor or greater than that shared with another child. That's where favoritism takes root, and can really wreak havoc in a family.

[I.Dup.]

What I find ironic is how disputed the notion of favoritism is among devout Christians, when the Bible clearly indicates that God "loved Joseph" but "hated Esau," and many other places where God favors Israel over every other nation. And finally, where God clearly establishes a pattern of favoring the second born (or youngest) over the first born, starting with Abel, going through Isaac (versus Ishmael), Joseph over Esau, David over his older brothers, Solomon over his older brothers, and so forth, right on down to the second, or last, Adam - Christ, Himself.

 

Heck, even Christ alluded to the phenomenon with the parable of the Prodigal Son. You see in the end that the older son is cast as the angry child, and the younger as embraced and loved within the fold.

 

Then, you have earthly Jerusalem (correlating with Hagar), and heavenly Jerusalem, Old Testament versus New (which Hebrews proclaims is superior to the old covenant), earthly Israel versus heavenly Isreal (the Church), and so forth.

 

In short, it's not just an anomaly, but an extant pattern throughout the Bible. Favoritism among children is clearly endemic among humans, even from very early on. I think it's so entrenched into human relationships, that that is why it's so taboo now to really admit it. We know and understand and in most cases, have experienced the negatives of favoritism in one form or another. But, we also understand it's not easy to control or suppress feelings, and we don't get to choose the personalities of our children. Conflicts are inevitable. Therefore, instead of dealing with this dichotomy head on, I think there are many parents who will just pretend or tell themselves that the strong connection they feel with one or two of their kids (and don't share with the others) is not favoritism, but some other innocuous thing.

 

All that's not to say that all kids can or must be loved in exactly the same way or parented the same. That's clearly impossible for many reasons. What it does say is that there's a line between different parenting approaches, and different strengths of bonding between parents and children.

 

I think that though bonds of affection must differ in regards to expression, the real danger lies in when the strength of the bond in question is lessor or greater than that shared with another child. That's where favoritism takes root, and can really wreak havoc in a family.

 

:iagree:

[sassenach]

I absolutely do not. Echoing everyone else, I appreciate different things about my kids at different stages.

 

The 2 people who stand out in my mind as having favorites are my MIL and an old neighbor. Both would speak openly about it and both assumed that EVERYONE has a favorite or are lying. My MIL's favorite is not my husband. She also has a personality disorder (paranoid, with a smidge of narcissism for good measure).

[Guest]

Nope. I definitely don't have a favorite child. They are *very* different kids. It's been my pleasure to be a part of their lives.

 

 

 

I heard a story on NPR with a writer talking about the chapter in her book when her father passed away. After the funeral, when all of the friends and relatives had left, and it was just mom and the siblings, they were reminiscing and the writer sib let slip that her dad had sent a card to her when he was dying. All the other sibs said they got one too. "What did yours say?" The writer said she didn't know what to say, could she really say what her card said? She looked at the floor and said, "Don't tell the others..." and her brothers and sisters all finished "....but you were always my favorite." :001_smile:

 

I had a notion that perhaps something like this went down. I don't think it's beneficial if it did, though. There's no benefit in any child believing they are the favorite, even if that was said to each individually.

[kewb]

I don't have a favorite but personality wise I definitely mesh better with one of my kids then the other. Perhaps he is viewing that as favoritism. I think what he really feels is a different level of enjoyment because the older one is just that-older and able to do stuff. Both of my kids know the dog is my favorite. I tell them all the time that he is my favorite because he is always happy to see me and he never talks back.

[bluemongoose]

"Hmm.. I think he's wrong. Not everyone has a favorite child. I don't feel I like any of my children better than the others. He says he doesn't give preferential treatment, but I think a favorite child is always treated better. He's deluding himself if he thinks his youngest child won't have a problem with it."

 

I have four kids. I do not have a favorite. I definitely have times when I get along with one better because they are being sweet, not giving me a hard time, are in an easy stage, are a cuddly baby, etc. But I do not have a favorite. My DH loves all the children very much, but he relates to the oldest better as she is old enough to do more things with him. The second child is slowly creeping up to the age where he too will be able to do bigger kid stuff, and DH is eagerly anticipating that!

 

Growing up in a family of 4 with a mom who was clear in her favoritism. She insists that she doesnt have a favorite, but she does and all but the favorite could list the order of favoritism. My brother was/is the favorite, my youngest sister was the next, my middle sister was next, and I was last. Part of this is that my mom just loved having a son, and he was a brown-noser :tongue_smilie:. Part of it is that she loves the child that needs (read codependent) her the most. I have always been extremely independent and I remind her of my father (who she detests) so we have never really gotten along. As adults I think the favoritism is swaying a bit toward my middle sister because she needs mom the most. My brother and littlest sister live in another state, and cannot need her well enough from afar. Also, I have noticed that the favoritism extends to the grandchildren that the favorite has. My family lives just under an hour away, but they never come to see my kids. My middle sister uses my parents home as her second home. My parents help my sister much much more and spend way more time with her than they would dream of doing with me, because she "needs" them. My sister has a nice husband...so the need is more that they like the social aspect of being with my parents, ALOT. And they like that my mom wants to help a lot with the grandchild. It is not like sis is a single mom, or poor, or anything and needs my moms help because her life isnt straightened out.

[TranquilMind]

The thought of having a favorite child is so foreign to me I just can't wrap my head around it or even imagine it. :confused:

 

Me either. I just can't fathom this.

 

Besides...I like the one who is being nice to me at the time!;)

[DaffodilDreams]

Yes, my child is my most favorite child in the world.

[sparrow]

I had a notion that perhaps something like this went down. I don't think it's beneficial if it did, though. There's no benefit in any child believing they are the favorite, even if that was said to each individually.

 

:grouphug:

 

I think in the case of this author, her dad knew he was getting the last laugh, because he knew they'd all share.

[Alte Veste Academy]

Well, it sounds like he prefers the older because he is not a big fan of the baby stage. That is different than saying he had a favorite child when they are 13 and 16. And he likes the elder because it is more fun to take him out right now. It might be more fun to take out the younger when the elder becomes a grumpy teen.

 

I don't have a favorite child. But, mine are at different stages in life than the author's kids.

 

I agree with this. However, I think that if he is as shallow as he seems, he is likely continue to foster his relationship with his oldest and neglect his relationship with his youngest, which will turn the whole situation into a self-fulfilling prophecy even when his younger child is old enough to be more fun to him. :glare: Little kids are perceptive and if a child sees that a bond exists between a sibling and their parent that doesn't exist for him/her, it can become an unspoken truth that never goes away and, in fact, only widens the distance between that child and parent.

 

Hellooooo. His youngest is 2 now? The same age as his oldest when he "fell in love" with him? Ah, but there will be little opportunity to fall in love with the younger son if he is out being best buds with his oldest the majority of the time.

 

Have you seen the book, "I Love You the Purplest?"

 

Love this book.

 

He isn't talking of true"favorites." He says that he can relate to a child better when he can do things with him. His youngest is too young still. I've heard the same sentiments from many fathers. It is not about loving another one any less, but just not knowing how to spend time with an infant. I think it is quite typical for those who bond by sharing their favorite activities and doing things together.

 

I agree with this, but... His youngest isn't an infant anymore. He is the same age his oldest was when he fell in love at the park. I think this dad lacks the self-awareness to realize that he is likely to create a long-term issue by being so very short-sighted.

 

And, no. I don't have a favorite. I love each of my kids "the purplest."

[Liz CA]

Especially harmful if he posted it in a blog where everyone can read it including all his children years from now. How st*pid.

[Alte Veste Academy]

Especially harmful if he posted it in a blog where everyone can read it including all his children years from now. How st*pid.

 

You know, I agree with this. However, that kid is going to know it anyway so maybe it will actually be helpful to have proof. Then dad can't deny it and make the kid feel crazy for feeling like second fiddle. :glare:

[Lolosoli]

No.I know that favorites sometimes happen but I think that post is part of an overall trend of trying to normalize something that's (imo) so clearly wrong.

 

Im guessing that anyone who's willing to be honest knows that having a favorite child - and even moreso being public about it - is wrong.

 

I couldn't agree more!!! I've seen what happens when parents play favourites! It's not good...for the favourite or the not-so-favourite child!!! :(

[KrissiK]

Well, some of my kids are easier to get along with than others, but I cannot say that I have a favorite.

[Little Nyssa]

A parent may have a favorite. It's only natural that that might happen sometimes. I don't see any good coming out of talking about it in public.

 

I THINK THE FATHER WHO WROTE THAT BLOG IS AWFUL, AWFUL, AWFUL FOR POSTING THAT FOR ALL THE WORLD TO SEE. WHAT IS DS2 GOING TO THINK WHEN HE READS IT? JERK!

[MrsBasil]

.

Edited May 16, 2016 by MrsBasil

[Little Nyssa]

Wow, that came out big. Well, at least I expressed my strong feelings accurately.

[MrsBasil]

Wow, that came out big. Well, at least I expressed my strong feelings accurately.

 

 

I think it was perfect.

[Little Nyssa]

I went to post a polite and reasonable yet heartfelt, striking, and intelligent comment on that blog. Composed it, then found I had to be on Facebook to sign in to post it. Grrr! I am not on Facebook.

I suppose all that's to the good, since if I were I would probably spend all day getting mad and posting things on other people's blogs, even though I have better things to do and should probably go and do them now!

Whoa Nyssa!

[SunnyDays]

As a couple others have said.... yes, I absolutely have a favorite child. It helps that I only have the one!! :D

 

(Though truth be told, there are many days the furry four-legged child is much easier...)

[Wendi]

What I find ironic is how disputed the notion of favoritism is among devout Christians, when the Bible clearly indicates that God "loved Joseph" but "hated Esau," and many other places where God favors Israel over every other nation. And finally, where God clearly establishes a pattern of favoring the second born (or youngest) over the first born, starting with Abel, going through Isaac (versus Ishmael), Joseph over Esau, David over his older brothers, Solomon over his older brothers, and so forth, right on down to the second, or last, Adam - Christ, Himself.

 

Heck, even Christ alluded to the phenomenon with the parable of the Prodigal Son. You see in the end that the older son is cast as the angry child, and the younger as embraced and loved within the fold.

 

Then, you have earthly Jerusalem (correlating with Hagar), and heavenly Jerusalem, Old Testament versus New (which Hebrews proclaims is superior to the old covenant), earthly Israel versus heavenly Isreal (the Church), and so forth.

 

In short, it's not just an anomaly, but an extant pattern throughout the Bible. Favoritism among children is clearly endemic among humans, even from very early on. I think it's so entrenched into human relationships, that that is why it's so taboo now to really admit it. We know and understand and in most cases, have experienced the negatives of favoritism in one form or another. But, we also understand it's not easy to control or suppress feelings, and we don't get to choose the personalities of our children. Conflicts are inevitable. Therefore, instead of dealing with this dichotomy head on, I think there are many parents who will just pretend or tell themselves that the strong connection they feel with one or two of their kids (and don't share with the others) is not favoritism, but some other innocuous thing.

 

All that's not to say that all kids can or must be loved in exactly the same way or parented the same. That's clearly impossible for many reasons. What it does say is that there's a line between different parenting approaches, and different strengths of bonding between parents and children.

 

I think that though bonds of affection must differ in regards to expression, the real danger lies in when the strength of the bond in question is lessor or greater than that shared with another child. That's where favoritism takes root, and can really wreak havoc in a family.

 

From my perspective, you're mistaking God's sovereign election of certain individuals (and establishment of the nation Israel) with favoritism. He chooses individuals to place into certain roles, to carry out His will, but they have not earned some special measure of His will and attention. (In fact, often those He chooses suffer greatly.) The Bible also shows examples of parents' favoritism in a very negative light, showing the pain and conflict it causes (look at Jacob's favoritism towards Joseph and then Benjamin). I don't think we can truly equate God's sovereign election of certain individuals into unique positions for His purposes with human parents' favoritism and preferential treatment. I think often choosing the younger son is a way of showing that (1) God is not impressed with the outward and cultural marks of success and importance, and (2) it is not necessary to have all these marks of success in order to be useful to God.

 

Wendi

[freesia]

Hmm.. I think he's wrong. Not everyone has a favorite child. I don't feel I like any of my children better than the others. He says he doesn't give preferential treatment, but I think a favorite child is always treated better. He's deluding himself if he thinks his youngest child won't have a problem with it.

:iagree: Also, it seems his youngest is only 2. Is he unaware this might change? But his blog is out there forever?

 

There is something about each of mine that I like better than something in another. But it all even outs and they are each so delightful.

[Guest]

I agree with this. However, I think that if he is as shallow as he seems, he is likely continue to foster his relationship with his oldest and neglect his relationship with his youngest, which will turn the whole situation into a self-fulfilling prophecy even when his younger child is old enough to be more fun to him. Little kids are perceptive and if a child sees that a bond exists between a sibling and their parent that doesn't exist for him/her, it can become an unspoken truth that never goes away and, in fact, only widens the distance between that child and parent.

 

:iagree: This is why I think it is wrong to voice a notion of who is "the favorite," even if a parent were to think that in their heart-of-hearts. How you perceive your children will affect how you interact with them, which will affect how they perceive you feel about them and on and on in a vicious cycle. It is way more beneficial for the children and for the parents if the parents see what is valuable about each child and gives up the immature notion of picking a favorite. Then, each child can grow up knowing they have elements that are valuable and lovely.

[ssavings]

DH and I both come from families where favorites are openly acknowledged and accepted. His parents have favorites, his grandparents, aunts, etc. my parents have a favorite. It's a fairly common, open topic of discussion ("he's my favorite because...." or "i like xxx better than yyy because...") in both our families.

 

In our case, we've chosen not to emulate this in our own family. We focus on building relationships with all our children, and in finding the positive.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Uh, maybe it's just me, but to me this dad sounds like a large 6 year old when he describes having a favorite child because he's more "fun". That's not having a favorite to me. That's enjoying the phase that particular child is at. In a couple years (or months or weeks), the tables may be turned. Older kid may cop an attitude and younger may think dad is super fun. This man's children are very young and I think he has a naive worldview. His "bragging" about it could be damaging someday when their kids stumble upon this article.

 

And ... no I certainly don't have a favorite child. Both my kids bring me joy and drive me nuts. One is generally more difficult than the other, but that's ok. It does not in any way make me want to label her sibling as my "favorite". They're different and I love them as individuals.

 

While I agree that he sounds like a giant six year old, he is showing favoritism. He admits that he spends more time with the older one. He sounds like it is OK to ignore the younger one because he isn't fun yet. He is exhibiting favoritism by how he spends his time and who he chooses to interact with.

[Plucky]

I love all my kids differently but equally. I have a picture of my dog on my iphone because I am least upset at her. LOL

[ssavings]

While I agree that he sounds like a giant six year old, he is showing favoritism. He admits that he spends more time with the older one. He sounds like it is OK to ignore the younger one because he isn't fun yet. He is exhibiting favoritism by how he spends his time and who he chooses to interact with.

 

:iagree:

 

And by accepting that the oldest is his favorite, his own perception of the younger will be altered.

[Aelwydd]

From my perspective, you're mistaking God's sovereign election of certain individuals (and establishment of the nation Israel) with favoritism. He chooses individuals to place into certain roles, to carry out His will, but they have not earned some special measure of His will and attention. (In fact, often those He chooses suffer greatly.) The Bible also shows examples of parents' favoritism in a very negative light, showing the pain and conflict it causes (look at Jacob's favoritism towards Joseph and then Benjamin). I don't think we can truly equate God's sovereign election of certain individuals into unique positions for His purposes with human parents' favoritism and preferential treatment. I think often choosing the younger son is a way of showing that (1) God is not impressed with the outward and cultural marks of success and importance, and (2) it is not necessary to have all these marks of success in order to be useful to God.

 

Wendi

 

 

Actually, if I were one of those persons who took the Bible literally, and its accounts and descriptions of God's motives as 100% accurate, I would consider God's sovereign election of saints/ groups to be much more loathsome than mere human favoritism. Because, human favoritism is most often based upon indelible characteristics and things we can't choose, like the personalities of our family members.

 

By contrast, God's sovereign election is entirely about choice. The idea that God would willingly choose some for love and for salvation, and willingly pass by or neglect, or even outright "hate" others, is more evil than...than, well your worst Mommy Dearest, if you ask me.

 

However, I don't take the Old Testament's wording as perfectly descriptive, or the authors' perspectives as equivalent to knowing the Mind of God. I do believe, as Jesus stated, that God, being perfect, rains on both the just and the unjust, and knows better than any of us how to love and to give good things to His children.

 

This perspective obviously places me well outside the realm of Calvinistic theology or Reformed belief. I share it to explain my viewpoint, not as a defense for those who practice or defend favoritism.

 

I agree with you that the Bible does show the negative effects of favoritism. I just happen to believe that the authors, themselves being part and parcel of the culture of favoritism around them, chose to depict God's dealings in the same biased light. And thus, you have the whole theology of sovereign election, and in some extreme cases, double election and all that entails.

[KidsHappen]

Yes, of course I do. It's just a different one everyday.;)

[catz]

While I agree that he sounds like a giant six year old, he is showing favoritism. He admits that he spends more time with the older one. He sounds like it is OK to ignore the younger one because he isn't fun yet. He is exhibiting favoritism by how he spends his time and who he chooses to interact with.

 

Well he is, but it is much like a 6 year old might like Billy better because he has a Wii at his house and want to spend all his time with Billy. And the following week Joe might get an XBox and suddenly be the friend du jour. I can't believe he was willing to publicly say something like this when his kids are 2 and 5, and it's just extremely poor parenting IMHO. Kids are a pain sometime. If he's choosing to spend time with the 5 year old over the 2 year old frequently, that 2 year old is going to perceive that and it will color all the relationships in the family.

 

The fact that he put this out on a public blog and is now fervently defending what he said just screams immaturity to me. I would like to think even if parents did have a favorite or a child they got along with better they would keep it on the down low. And I think if a child approached a parent saying "You like my sister Susie better", I would hope that parent would be thinking of ways to connect better with the child that is feeling slighted, instead of the child being able to find in print that yes, Susie is the favorite.

 

To each their own. I hope his kids don't need too much therapy later on. Even being the "golden child" can have it's downsides. I'm pretty live and let live on parenting styles, but this guy clearly hasn't thought 5 minutes out on this.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

My favorite is whichever kid being the least disrespectful at the moment. I don't currently favor either. :glare: