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Do you have a favorite child?


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Do you have a favorite child?

 

This father writes in his blog that he does.

 

http://blogs.babble.com/kid-scoop/2012/09/19/admit-it-you-have-a-favorite-kid-i-do/

 

I have a son and a daughter that are completely different. I have never felt like I have a favorite. I lie. I have liked the dog more than my children at times. :001_smile:

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No.I know that favorites sometimes happen but I think that post is part of an overall trend of trying to normalize something that's (imo) so clearly wrong.

 

Im guessing that anyone who's willing to be honest knows that having a favorite child - and even moreso being public about it - is wrong.

Edited by momoflaw
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Hmm.. I think he's wrong. Not everyone has a favorite child. I don't feel I like any of my children better than the others. He says he doesn't give preferential treatment, but I think a favorite child is always treated better. He's deluding himself if he thinks his youngest child won't have a problem with it.

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That seems so strange to me. I will admit that sometimes I am drawn to one child more than the other but it varies. And it is situational. It's just so...different. I could not make a blanket statement that one of my DD's is consistently my favorite. I just couldn't. My favorite for what?

 

Each thing I do with each of them is different because they are different. They have never asked if I love one of them more than the other but I think I would have to say something confusing like, "Yes. I love you both more than the other. You won't understand until you become a mother of more than one child."

 

Eh. I think that father is confusing favoritism with enjoyment. If your parenting skills and enjoyment are more focussed on activities then yes, you will enjoy a 5 year old more than a 2 year old. Just my thoughts.

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Depends on the time of day and/or the activity I want companionship for, sure.

 

If I want a buddy to watch a show with, or someone to accompany me to Barnes and Noble, my eldest is my favorite pick. If I want to sit down and build blocks, go on a walk, or read a book, my 3 year old son is my favorite pick. If I want someone who won't squirm away while I cuddle him/her, the 3 month takes the cake.

 

Around 5 o'clock pm when the 3 year old hasn't had a nap and the 11 year old has found her sarcasm again, the 3 month old is my favorite. Mornings, my 3 year old is always in a great mood and is my favorite. Late night, my 11 year old finds her good juice again and is my favorite.

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Do you have a favorite child?

 

This father writes in his blog that he does.

 

http://blogs.babble.com/kid-scoop/2012/09/19/admit-it-you-have-a-favorite-kid-i-do/

 

I have a son and a daughter that are completely different. I have never felt like I have a favorite. I lie. I have liked the dog more than my children at times. :001_smile:

 

I don't care how many people he quotes, I don't have a favorite child. Both of my Dc can be wonderful to be around, or they can annoy me to the nth. People can think I'm lying all they want. I don't like or love one more than the other, though they are different and I appreciate different things about each.

 

Around here it's the cat who is sometimes my favorite, the dogs are more work than the kids! Kitty clearly knows what's best for me----snuggling in bed. :lol:

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Well, it sounds like he prefers the older because he is not a big fan of the baby stage. That is different than saying he had a favorite child when they are 13 and 16. And he likes the elder because it is more fun to take him out right now. It might be more fun to take out the younger when the elder becomes a grumpy teen.

 

I don't have a favorite child. But, mine are at different stages in life than the author's kids.

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Do you have a favorite child?

 

This father writes in his blog that he does.

 

http://blogs.babble.com/kid-scoop/2012/09/19/admit-it-you-have-a-favorite-kid-i-do/

 

I have a son and a daughter that are completely different. I have never felt like I have a favorite. I lie. I have liked the dog more than my children at times. :001_smile:

 

I have all boys that are all so different. Sometimes I'm amazed that they are all related. I love each of them unconditionally and love different aspects of their personalities. I can't even imagine having a favorite. I doubt I'd admit it even if I did because that just seems cruel.

 

Certain stages can be tough. My 8 & 6 yos do seem easier than my 4yo and 18 mother right now, but isn't that why God makes little ones so darn cute?

 

I do agree that some days my wonderful aging lab is my favorite living creature in the house. I doubt our new puppy will ever have that distinction, but out new leopard gecko is off to a good start.

 

Yes. My favorite is mine. :D

Easy choice :lol:

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He says that he likes the one he has more fun with.

 

I don't think I like one more than the other in general. But there are some activities that are more fun with my 10 year old and other activities that are more fun with my 7 year old.

 

So, while I may like running with the 7 year old more than running with the 10 year old, it doesn't mean I like my 7 year old better than my 10 year old. And vice versa.

 

I wonder if it's more that he doesn't like the baby/toddler stage, and that if his sons were twins, and at the same developmental stage, he'd like them the same.

 

Then again, I don't have kids whose personalities don't mesh with mine. They have different personalities, but we all get along. I suppose if I had one kid like me and another kid who was completely opposite and we didn't understand each other, I suppose I would "like" the one like me more?

 

I guess I'm just rambling now. I personally, do not think I like one better than the other. I don't think the '95% of parents have a favorite' line is true.

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Each thing I do with each of them is different because they are different. They have never asked if I love one of them more than the other but I think I would have to say something confusing like, "Yes. I love you both more than the other. You won't understand until you become a mother of more than one child."

 

Have you seen the book, "I Love You the Purplest?"

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Uh, maybe it's just me, but to me this dad sounds like a large 6 year old when he describes having a favorite child because he's more "fun". That's not having a favorite to me. That's enjoying the phase that particular child is at. In a couple years (or months or weeks), the tables may be turned. Older kid may cop an attitude and younger may think dad is super fun. This man's children are very young and I think he has a naive worldview. His "bragging" about it could be damaging someday when their kids stumble upon this article.

 

And ... no I certainly don't have a favorite child. Both my kids bring me joy and drive me nuts. One is generally more difficult than the other, but that's ok. It does not in any way make me want to label her sibling as my "favorite". They're different and I love them as individuals.

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No. No favorite child out of my children. I think a parent should never say that or publicly post that, either. My children vary in how agreeable they are and how easy they are to raise, but it doesn't amount to me saying I love one more than the other(s).

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Guest submarines

He isn't talking of true"favorites." He says that he can relate to a child better when he can do things with him. His youngest is too young still. I've heard the same sentiments from many fathers. It is not about loving another one any less, but just not knowing how to spend time with an infant. I think it is quite typical for those who bond by sharing their favorite activities and doing things together.

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Guest submarines
Uh, maybe it's just me, but to me this dad sounds like a large 6 year old when he describes having a favorite child because he's more "fun". That's not having a favorite to me. That's enjoying the phase that particular child is at. In a couple years (or months or weeks), the tables may be turned. Older kid may cop an attitude and younger may think dad is super fun. This man's children are very young and I think he has a naive worldview. His "bragging" about it could be damaging someday when their kids stumble upon this article.

 

And ... no I certainly don't have a favorite child. Both my kids bring me joy and drive me nuts. One is generally more difficult than the other, but that's ok. It does not in any way make me want to label her sibling as my "favorite". They're different and I love them as individuals.

 

:iagree:

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I'm not sure what was more sobering - his writing or the comments.

 

I have three boys and not one of them is my 'favorite'. Like the others upthread, I enjoy all of them in different ways at different times. I don't have a favorite.

 

I think this guy is very new to parenting and talking out of his rear - like I did when I was a new parent. I thought I had all the answers. Uh no...

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Depends on the time of day and/or the activity I want companionship for, sure.

 

If I want a buddy to watch a show with, or someone to accompany me to Barnes and Noble, my eldest is my favorite pick. If I want to sit down and build blocks, go on a walk, or read a book, my 3 year old son is my favorite pick. If I want someone who won't squirm away while I cuddle him/her, the 3 month takes the cake.

 

Around 5 o'clock pm when the 3 year old hasn't had a nap and the 11 year old has found her sarcasm again, the 3 month old is my favorite. Mornings, my 3 year old is always in a great mood and is my favorite. Late night, my 11 year old finds her good juice again and is my favorite.

 

Definitely, I enjoy certain activities with one Dc more than another. Shopping with Dd is torture. I keep telling her she's a girl and she's supposed to enjoy shopping, but she hates it. Ds, on the other hand, loves it. He will go and go no matter how many errands or stores I have to visit. I keep thinking he's going to have a happy wife b/c he'll shop with her, and Dd's going to have a happy husband b/c she'll never drag him around from store to store---she's all about getting in and out as fast as possible.

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He isn't talking of true"favorites." He says that he can relate to a child better when he can do things with him. His youngest is too young still. I've heard the same sentiments from many fathers. It is not about loving another one any less, but just not knowing how to spend time with an infant. I think it is quite typical for those who bond by sharing their favorite activities and doing things together.

 

He also said something about the circumstances of the oldest's birth elevating him a smidge in his heart. That doesn't sound like only preferring the stage. I think that guy is a jerk and I pity both his children and his wife.

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No, I don't. I have ones that are easier to relate to at a given time. But that isn't the same at all. When they are happy and healthy, they are all great. (I just mentioned health because I know that being ill or being in pain makes some of them grumpy or irritable, and being in a lot of pain does that to me too).

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I just read the article. This dad has no clue. He is a young, inexperienced parent and perhaps is posting something controversial because it brings a lot of readers.

 

BTW, I recall a time my SIL declared that "Every parent has a favorite kid and if they say they don't, they are lying through their teeth!" I disagree and what is more, even if I did have a favorite kid, this is the type of "lie" that should always be kept in one's heart. There is no benefit to making such a pronouncement and potentially, it could be terribly harmful.

 

I have a memory from when I was perhaps 5 or 6. I am not certain if this was a dream or a fantasy or if it actually happened. I was riding in the car with my mother, without my siblings, which rarely happened. She told me I was her favorite child. I have wondered if she did do this for real.

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No, but I wonder if he confuses favorite with easy. :)

 

Some personalities mesh well with others. My sister has always sworn that my mother has a favorite - our brother. It's not true. It's just that the boy could get along with ANYONE. My sister is a little easier to stress out or make anxious so you have to word things more carefully or think before you speak. So, it's not that he's a favorite, he's just easy. :)

 

I have a couple kids like that. They're easy. They don't argue, don't bicker, just like life in general. I have others that are higher maintenance. I love those JUST as much. ;) Sometimes I admire them more because they have spunk, but the relationships take more effort.

 

I tell them all they are my favorite. It's true. I wouldn't trade a single one of them for any other kids I know. ;)

 

It's a shame he translates that to favorite.

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I saw him on GMA this morning. I think his wording is all wrong which is the problem. If he had said, "I feel like I click better with my oldest because we have the same interests, but I want to work on connecting with both of my children better." reaction would have been far different.

 

I do not have a favorite.

 

My oldest has passions that I love. Art, strategy games, and is my logical thinker.

 

Middle is fun loving, likes to please and get along with everyone.

 

Youngest is sweet and loves to help people.

 

I could list their weaknesses too, they all have them! :lol:

 

They are SO different though and have different strengths and weaknesses.

 

I will say that I tend to react more protectively towards my oldest because of his Asperger's.

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My oldest is the only one of my kids who is starting to morph into a "friend" relationship so my relationship with her is completely different than the younger ones. That doesn't make her a 'favorite' just different.

 

That's pretty much what I tell my kids when they ask (which they have once or twice). They are all my favorites for different reasons.

 

DD18 is my first born, and is at a stage in life where we can talk about more things and spend time together doing "grown-up" things.

 

DS is my first with dh and my only boy. He's my little man.

 

DD is my baby. She's the last baby I will ever have and the most like me.

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I saw him on GMA this morning. I think his wording is all wrong which is the problem. If he had said, "I feel like I click better with my oldest because we have the same interests, but I want to work on connecting with both of my children better." reaction would have been far different.

 

This guy was on GMA? :glare: If he was aiming to get his 5 minutes of fame, I guess he succeeded. Good reminder why I don't watch TV "news".

 

If he would have said "I am having so much fun with my 5 year old right now, and boy is my 2 year old in a difficult place", there would have been no controversy. Again - this dad sounds like a child himself and I can't believe anyone thought his naivete worthy of a news segment.

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No, but truth be told, there are rare moments when one or the other is higher up in my "good graces." Not always the same one.

 

There are times when I think about the future and wonder if I'll have a workable relationship with my child. But this happens with both children, for different reasons.

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Nope. I definitely don't have a favorite child. They are *very* different kids. It's been my pleasure to be a part of their lives.

 

I just read the article. This dad has no clue. He is a young, inexperienced parent and perhaps is posting something controversial because it brings a lot of readers.

 

BTW, I recall a time my SIL declared that "Every parent has a favorite kid and if they say they don't, they are lying through their teeth!" I disagree and what is more, even if I did have a favorite kid, this is the type of "lie" that should always be kept in one's heart. There is no benefit to making such a pronouncement and potentially, it could be terribly harmful.

 

I have a memory from when I was perhaps 5 or 6. I am not certain if this was a dream or a fantasy or if it actually happened. I was riding in the car with my mother, without my siblings, which rarely happened. She told me I was her favorite child. I have wondered if she did do this for real.

 

I heard a story on NPR with a writer talking about the chapter in her book when her father passed away. After the funeral, when all of the friends and relatives had left, and it was just mom and the siblings, they were reminiscing and the writer sib let slip that her dad had sent a card to her when he was dying. All the other sibs said they got one too. "What did yours say?" The writer said she didn't know what to say, could she really say what her card said? She looked at the floor and said, "Don't tell the others..." and her brothers and sisters all finished "....but you were always my favorite." :001_smile:

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You know what's sad?

 

He said something thoughtless and stupid. Then, in order to keep attention, he had to stick by it.

 

He must have forgotten his child is a human who will grow up.

Sigh.

 

And I'll repeat myself AGAIN: As a society, we think only about five minutes ahead.

 

:iagree:Yes, this, exactly!

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You know what's sad?

 

He said something thoughtless and stupid. Then, in order to keep attention, he had to stick by it.

 

He must have forgotten his child is a human who will grow up.

Sigh.

 

And I'll repeat myself AGAIN: As a society, we think only about five minutes ahead.

 

I think you are right. Unfortunately, it is very hard to unsay things these days.

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There is one I love the best, another I love the most and then another who is my heartbeat. Of course there is the one who is my greatest blessing and last of all the one who makes the sun shine.

 

I love them all the best.

 

Though I will admit some of the relationships take more work than others. My two youngest have always been easy to love. The very youngest has autism and at times thats a challenge. The oldest held back a bit. The third has attachment disorder BUT oh how far we've come. My 2nd has so many neurological issues that every second with her is work. But I love her more than she will ever understand.

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No.

 

My husband definitely prefers one of our kids over the other. But I honestly, genuinely love and enjoy them both equally, although in entirely different ways.

 

My daughter has become my friend as she's matured. We like each other and share a lot of interests. We watch the same silly TV shows together, laugh at the same jokes, have the same wicked sense of humor. It seems sometimes like we share a brain.

 

On the other hand, my son brings out in me things I didn't know were there. He demands more of me in many ways, and I have to really nurture my bond with him, appreciating every time he lets me into his heart and mind. He makes me laugh in completely different ways than my daughter does, and we read many of the same books. I seem to be one of the few people in the world who knows what a big ball of goo he is just under the surface.

 

Each of them brings different challenges and frustrations, too. They are such individuals, and have been since birth, that comparisons are meaningless. I just know I love them both.

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I haven't read all the replies here, but since this came up in a conversation I had with someone just a little while ago I thought I'd reply anyway. For a parent to have a favorite child shows nothing more than that they are still immature. How can someone that is mature and able to appreciate difference in people look at their children and no love one as much just because that one is different than the parent and they don't click?

My oldest ds is the child I have to think the most to understand. He is a lot like his daddy in many ways. But I love his uniqueness. I love his soft heart, his gentle approach to people and his willingness to help. Each of my kids has an amazing side to them and a not so amazing side. My dd is so much like me that I find her easier to understand, but I also see a lot of my own weaknesses in her and that's a little scary. My youngest ds has interests in areas that excite me because I understand them, but he also has a temper and a half and is very impulsive. If I can only see the amazing in one child, I am not fit to parent.

The closest I could come to saying that I have a favorite child is to say that I find one of my children easier to parent than the other, but that doesn't mean that that child is my favorite.

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Our two girls are very different. I don't have a favorite. We do different things together, but I don't like one of them more than the other.

 

What we do have a bit of an issue with is child favoritism! Our younger daughter is a daddy's girl in a big way, and also very affectionate and demanding of affection. The older one has always been more self-contained and less demanding in that way, but she still needs it. We have to work to make sure that the younger one doesn't crowd out the older one for Dad's attention and that they both get time with him.

 

My younger girl has always been pretty blatant in her favoritism and would be happiest if Dad were the SAH parent. I don't mind, but constantly monitoring to make sure they get equal attention is tiring.

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Do you have a favorite child?

 

No.

 

From blog: Jeffrey Kluger “95 percent of the parents in the world have a favorite child, and the other percent are lying.â€

 

Jeffrey is wrong. I'm not lying (see above).

 

Have these guys never been tried as parents? When favorites is not all cheeky fun about who is more smiley, who is easier, but when you call upon some kind of inner strength in parenting to carry you all through. When everyone is sick. When someone dear has died.

 

These men need more heroic models. That is all.

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I actually thought long and hard about this. No I don't have a favorite child. But why I thought long and hard about it is that I wanted to make sure my words and actions definitely lived up to what I felt in my heart.

 

Sometimes it isn't what we say or even think but our actions that read the loudest and I don't want to be a foghorn proclaiming "I don't have a favorite" if my actions might be interpreted differently by my kids.

 

I grew up knowing I was my dad's least favorite of the four of us kids. He never said it. He didn't have to. It was obvious though he probably never realized how it came across. He wasn't malicious about it... but he wasn't very good at hiding it either.

 

So from the perspective of the "least favorite" as a child, this dad is setting himself up for some major problems in his relationship with Charlie down the road. Either Charlie will realize early and learn to not give a darn about his dad or he'll try so hard to win his dad's affections until he realizes it is useless that he'll come to resent him and again learn to not give a darn about his dad. And only a huge dose of forgiveness on Charlie's part will change that...something I learned the hard way.

 

I am trying very hard to not do that to my kids even unintentionally... I know the scars it leaves on kids. But I am sure even in trying to be diligent I've messed up a few times.

 

I will say it took until I was a full grown adult to wrestle with all those things and finally forgive my dad without an apology... and things are better now. So there is hope for any relationship- even this guy and his youngest son.

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No.

 

 

From blog: Jeffrey Kluger “95 percent of the parents in the world have a favorite child, and the other percent are lying.â€

Jeffrey is wrong. I'm not lying (see above).

 

Have these guys never been tried as parents? When favorites is not all cheeky fun about who is more smiley, who is easier, but when you call upon some kind of inner strength in parenting to carry you all through. When everyone is sick. When someone dear has died.

 

These men need more heroic models. That is all.

 

While I don't think that 95% of all parents have a favorite, I do think that it is quite common, certainly more than the folks on this thread are crediting.

 

Look, if he's so "out there" with his comments, then why do so many of us know families or have relatives, or even come from families, where a parent favored one child over another?

 

My husband's parents favored their younger son. My dad favored one of us three sisters, and my mom favored another, leaving the third in last place. My best friend's brother was favored over her, even to this day.

 

I could go on, but the point is, I think it's disingenuous to pretend it's not common, or that there may even be moms on this board who feel closer to or prefer one child's companionship to another. IME, it's so common, I don't even blink when I hear someone talk about a "favorite" child or grandchild.

 

FTR, I have a favorite child -- my son. ;)

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I actually thought long and hard about this. No I don't have a favorite child. But why I thought long and hard about it is that I wanted to make sure my words and actions definitely lived up to what I felt in my heart.

 

Sometimes it isn't what we say or even think but our actions that read the loudest and I don't want to be a foghorn proclaiming "I don't have a favorite" if my actions might be interpreted differently by my kids.

 

I grew up knowing I was my dad's least favorite of the four of us kids. He never said it. He didn't have to. It was obvious though he probably never realized how it came across. He wasn't malicious about it... but he wasn't very good at hiding it either.

 

So from the perspective of the "least favorite" as a child, this dad is setting himself up for some major problems in his relationship with Charlie down the road. Either Charlie will realize early and learn to not give a darn about his dad or he'll try so hard to win his dad's affections until he realizes it is useless that he'll come to resent him and again learn to not give a darn about his dad. And only a huge dose of forgiveness on Charlie's part will change that...something I learned the hard way.

 

I am trying very hard to not do that to my kids even unintentionally... I know the scars it leaves on kids. But I am sure even in trying to be diligent I've messed up a few times.

 

I will say it took until I was a full grown adult to wrestle with all those things and finally forgive my dad without an apology... and things are better now. So there is hope for any relationship- even this guy and his youngest son.

 

I agree. It can be very damaging. My parents' playing of favorites caused all three of us sisters pain and produced a lot of conflict among us when we were younger.

 

I also very much agree with you that actions speak louder than words, and are sometimes more indicative of our true feelings, than we will even admit to ourselves. That's why the condemnation of this guy side steps the fact that he's right about one thing -- favoritism is common. And it can't be addressed if people are not willing, like you are, to carefully examine themselves to see if their actions meet up with their words.

Edited by Aelwydd
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I am closer to our son. DH is closer to our daughter. It doesn't mean we don't love them both or meet each of their needs as best we can but our connections with them are different because the children themselves are so different. DH and DD understand eachother in that same soul-deep way that I understand DS. DD is touchy-feely-huggy and DH loves that. DS is stand-offish and I respect his personal space.

 

As DD gets more into 'girly' stuff and becomes interested in boys and goes full on pubescent...she's seeking me out for more one on one time/guidance and our relationship is getting stronger. Similarly, DS has developed the same boldness and tenacity that DH has and they're quickly forming a mutual admiration society.

 

Kids get close and pull away all the time. Isn't that normal? I will say tho that this is the reason we will never have a 3rd. We like the balance we've been able to achieve so far.

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