Do your children look really different from each other?

[Kathryn]

I'm tired of the "joke" that the mailman was somehow involved. I admit that my children look very different from one another.

 

Eyes: 6yo got his dad's blues, 2yo got brown from me

Skin tone: 6yo got his dad's whiter than white, 2yo got my Slavic skin

Hair color: 6yo has my brown-from-birth color, 2yo has his dad's that starts out blond

Hair texture: 6yo has my thick waviness, 2yo has his father's straight thin hair

 

And on and on. It seems they didn't choose the same feature from either of us for any trait. I get that it's interesting/strange, but must everyone make the same offensive joke? Especially in front of my children. I'm just waiting for 6yo to ask what that means and then say "Mrs. Smith is implying that one of you isn't really daddy's child" or something along those lines.

 

If your children look different from one another, do you get these comments? What do you say?

[shinyhappypeople]

Both of my girls have similar coloring, but different features. However, they're similar enough that no one can tell that one of them is adopted. If someone *dared* make a "postman" comment to me in front of the kids I'm not sure what I would do (probably wouldn't be my proudest moment), but I *am* sure that 8 yo (adopted) would understand and it would wound her. She's very, very sensitive about being adopted.

[stripe]

If your children look different from one another, do you get these comments? What do you say?

My kids look more like different relatives, but share a few features. They look somewhat like each parent and somewhat like each other but certainly not identical.

 

I got a few more comments with my first child because he looks so much like me. One woman (whom I knew already) actually told me it was not possible my husband was his father. Honestly, I have not recovered yet from that insult. Because the others look vaguely like him, I think the mailman comment wouldn't make sense. But I feel your pain. Really. I do.

[sunnylady303]

YES!! So glad you posted this. Two daughters, two years apart. Older: straight blond hair and blue eyes, pale skin, tall and lanky. Younger: Super curly dark hair and dark brown eyes, dark skin, and very strong and solidly built. People comment on it all the time.

 

Once we had just moved to town (DH was pastoring a church in town) he and I were at a the little local supermarket conversation went like this:

 

Church lady: Oh, your girls look so different! They're sisters?

Me: Yes.

Church lady: Are they both yours?

Me: Yes

Church lady: (leaning in and whispering) Are they both his?

 

My smart mouth self wanted to say, "No. I had an affair and I am going to tell you, lady I just met at the supermarket!" It doesn't help that my oldest doesn't look particularly like either of us. Very much like my husband's mom.

The comments drive me crazy!! Crazy, I tell you!!

:lol: Clearly you struck a chord.

 

 

 

Also: Another different but slightly related frustration. There is something, admittedly, about my 6YO younger daughter that is adorable and Shirley Temple-ish. But people very often, in front of my older daughter (8YO) say things like, "Oh, you're so beautiful." "Aren't you the most adorable child?" "I love your hair! It is the cutest hair I've ever seen!" Don't you people have kids? I think my older daughter is going to get a complex. And, for the record, she is beautiful too. ;)

 

 

ETA: I just tried to add an old picture.

Edited June 26, 2012 by sunnylady303

[fairfarmhand]

I have 3 girls, a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. They don't look much alike, and though I've never gotten the milkman comment, people do say, "How did you manage that?"

 

YES!! So glad you posted this. Two daughters, two years apart. Older: straight blond hair and blue eyes, pale skin, tall and lanky. Younger: Super curly dark hair and dark brown eyes, dark skin, and very strong and solidly built. People comment on it all the time.

 

Once we had just moved to town (DH was pastoring a church in town) he and I were at a the little local supermarket conversation went like this:

 

Church lady: Oh, your girls look so different! They're sisters?

Me: Yes.

Church lady: Are they both yours?

Me: Yes

Church lady: (leaning in and whispering) Are they both his?

 

My smart mouth self wanted to say, "No. I had an affair and I am going to tell you, lady I just met at the supermarket!" It doesn't help that my oldest doesn't look particularly like either of us. Very much like my husband's mom.

The comments drive me crazy!! Crazy, I tell you!!

:lol: Clearly you struck a chord.

 

 

 

Also: Another different but slightly related frustration. There is something, admittedly, about my 6YO younger daughter that is adorable and Shirley Temple-ish. But people very often, in front of my older daughter (8YO) say things like, "Oh, you're so beautiful." "Aren't you the most adorable child?" "I love your hair! It is the cutest hair I've ever seen!" Don't you people have kids? I think my older daughter is going to get a complex. And, for the record, she is beautiful too. ;)

My youngest is a very pretty girl too, waist length, silky blonde hair, big blue eyes, perfect teeth...I know what you mean. It drives me nuts!

[starwarsmomma]

My oldest looks like my father-in-law

My middle looks identical to my dad/and very similar to me.

my youngest is my husband's clone. Freaky identical clone. Even in behavior! :D

[Elinor Everywhere]

Isn't it amazing that people think they are being so fresh and clever with a very stale joke?

 

One of my kids is adopted, but they look enough like each other to be siblings. My dd takes after my dh, and my adopted son looks a lot like my side of the family (my eyes, my mom's skin, my hair, etc).

 

This picture is when they were 6-7 years old (we adopted my son when both my kids were 6). Both of them now have darker hair (my son's isn't blond at all anymore), but otherwise they both look pretty much the same now at 14.

 

I would be pretty ticked off if people said those things once my kids could understand.

[LinRTX]

I so get this. My middle child is beautiful with clear skin, naturally curly hair, big eyes, long lashes, etc. She is head turning pretty and has just turned 19. We got these comments all the time when the girls were little. And my oldest daughter does not feel pretty. She is also beautiful, but more a classic beauty, not a head turning beautiful.

 

As a funny aside: my middle works at Staples and a plastic surgeon was in there the other day. He said she had the most perfectly heart shaped face he had ever seen and wanted to take pictures. She is like ah, no, feeling very uncomfortable. I am not certain he was really a plastic surgeon. I think it is the most unusual come-on line I have ever heard. But stuff like this happens to her all the time.

 

Linda

[Bee Happy]

My oldest three kids were often called triplets. They are each 2 years apart. So, outside of different textures in hair, they look a lot alike.

 

My youngest is from a new marriage, but despite this, she fits right in and doesn't look too different.

 

LOL

[Dory]

My kids have differences, but they are all blonde haired and blue eyed so I don't get the ribbing the way some ladies do. I had two cousins that were complete and total opposites though. One was short, round, with fine blonde hair, and light blue eyes. The other was slim and medium height, with dark brown hair and brown eyes. Even the way they talked and acted was completely different. I remember my aunt chewing out my grandma once for the 'mailman' comment so I know she got it a fair amount.

[mommaduck]

Yes, we've been asked if they are full siblings before. Our children range in looks and shading. I uploaded a couple of pictures of my lightest and my darkest children. They are full siblings. My husband and his brother don't look anything alike (also full siblings). I look more like some of my half siblings than others. My sibling group runs the gamut, but we have halves on this side, that side, and the other side, so it's more expected and there is greater ethnic variety depending upon who has which mom and which dad.

 

 

Edited June 26, 2012 by mommaduck

[mommaduck]

The entire crew:

 

[Joani]

Yes! I have two blond kids who get mistaken for twins, and then a redhead. The three kids all have the same father, but we divorced when my youngest was a baby, so people always seem to assume that he has a different father. I hate it.

Edited June 27, 2012 by Joani

[swellmomma]

yes they do. I have been asked if they were adopted or are foster kids because none of them look like siblings. I can see some differences due to being half siblings BUT the older 2 are "full" siblings and look nothing alike.

 

Not counting the little blond boy (my nephew) this was my kids last thanksgiving. As you can see they don't really look alike at all.

[dangermom]

My two girls are very different looking. The only thing they have in common is brownish-hazelish eyes.

 

One has my mom's dark, straight hair, mysteriously olive skin, and her dad's smile.

Two has wavy red hair (textured like mine, red like several relatives), extremely fair skin, facial expressions like my sister and features like...well I'm not sure.

 

No one has ever made the mailman joke, thank goodness, but they do comment on how different the girls are.

[Heather in Neverland]

Well, considering I have one Caucasian child, one Korean child,and one Indian child... Yeah, we get ALL kinds of comments. :tongue_smilie:

 

Where did you get them?

Are they all yours?

Do you have any REAL children?

Are you going to tell them they are adopted?

 

And I once had a worker at Chuck E Cheese accuse me of trying to kidnap my ds because he doesn't look like me.

 

Thick skin and a good sense of humor gets me through it. :glare:

[Mrs.Gregg]

My girls look similar to eachother. Both have blue eyes, though one tends towards grey and the other dark ocean. Both have dark blonde hair. Though DD1 was very blonde as a small child and didn't start getting darker blonde until 6. DD2 (age 6) has always had dark blonde hair. Very smiliar skin tone, peaches and creame with a tendedncy to tan. They get that from my mother. I am very fair, whiter than white and burn like crazy. DH tans. DH and I both naturally have very dark, dark brown hair but he was a blonde as a kid. I've always had brown wavy. Oh DD1 has straight hair and DD2 has curly.

 

In my own family I look nothing like my two full siblings. My sister has natural dark blonde hair curly and olive skin with blue eyes. My brother has golden to olive skin with white blonde curly hair (even as an adult) and very light blue eyes. I have Dark dark brown hair, fair-never-tan skin and blue eyes that go to green. Our face structures are very different from eachother. I actually look more like my adopted brother than my full siblings.

 

My mother is a natural blonde (light, white) fair with golden under tones, blue eyed woman and my father (birth father) in very fair, blue black hair with blue eyes. He is Irish and Welsh.

Edited June 26, 2012 by Mrs.Gregg

[wendybird]

My 3rd child is a redhead and is the spitting image of my grandfather.My first, second, and fourth look like their father, although pretty different from each other(no clone kidlets!).The fifth, sixth, and seventh also look like Brian and I. I have had so many comments about how Gavin is the mailman's, or the milkman's, or my all time most hated comment," He obviously is from a different dad." Said in front of my children, who then wanted to know how I could have a baby with a different man when I am married. I was flabbergasted that they were flat out saying I skipped paternity on my 3rd child, then resumed relations with my husband. When Luke was born in APril the most joyful thing to me was his red hair. I feel vindicated that people can see that Gavin has a sibling who looks like him, that it is truly a cool genetic thing, and that our family has a broad pool. :lol:

Oldest dd:blonde straight hair, grey/blue eyes, tan

oldest ds:Brunette straight hair, grey/blue eyes, fair

2Ds: redhead straight hair, bright blue eyes, fair

3ds: brunette curly hair, brown eyes, tan

4ds: curly brunette, brown eyes, fair

2dd: blonde curly hair, bright blue eyes, fair

3dd: brown curly hair, brown eyes, tan

5ds: red hair(wavy right now, who knows how it will end up), blue eyes,fair

Edited June 26, 2012 by wendybird
broad, not brood!oops

[edeemarie]

We get this a lot. The oldest 3 all look pretty similar. Then there is number 4 who has blonde hair and my husband and I both have dark hair. He is also built different from the older 3, was 2 pounds bigger than them at birth, and has different facial features. The only thing they all have in common is they all got their dad's blue eyes!

[bluemongoose]

Yep I get this all the time, only now that I have a new baby, it comes with a special twist!

 

DD: Daddy's carbon copy. Dark brown thin straight hair, green eyes, olive skin, tall and thin.

 

DS1: Darker blond-turning brown thick cowlicky hair, very white skin, big blue eyes, tall but stocky build, and a ginormous head. His coloring is my side, build is FIL.

 

DS2: Light brown (going darker) thin straight hair, blue-green eyes, olive skin, still a bit of toddler chub but leaning out, average height. He is the most mixed between DH and I.

 

DS3: Daddy's second carbon copy. He looks exactly like DD and DH. As he is 5mo he is still pretty bald, but his facial features look like DD and DH, very long and lean baby, and he has the olive skin.

 

The only thing my children have in common is that they all have my dimples (and the same parents:tongue_smilie:).

 

DS 1 and DS 2 do not look like each other or anybody else. Before DS 3 was born I would get the "do they have the same father" question. Recently I have gotten that question with the added..."I see you got back together with your oldest childs father!" As an added bonus, they often comment that I must have started my family very young. This is usually accompanied by a frown and questions like "what were you, all of 15?"

 

People really need better mouth filters:glare:

[justLisa]

My sis and I look completely opposite. My kids, DH and I all look very similar.

[Berta]

I get this a lot too. My two oldest are full siblings from my first marriage and they look nothing alike. One is dark hair/complexion and the other is very light with blonde hair. My girls are adopted and my youngest is Chinese. Our family portraits look like you took six strangers off a street and put them together for a photo lol.

 

Most people can see that my youngest was adopted, and the next question is always "are they all adopted?" or "any of them your REAL children?".

 

My older kids are adults now, and the questions don't bother me like it used to. Now I like to have fun with their questions. My older daughter is Caucasian (adopted from here in the USA), but when people find out she was adopted we now respond with "Yes, from a little country called U-jiji, she is from a small village in the middle of nowhere on the African continent". It takes them a while to come up with another question after that response.

 

I have had someone ask me if my youngest daughter's father is Chinese. I said "I don't remember, it was dark and I didn't get a good look at him".

[Princess Peach]

My kids look like siblings, but my brother and I look nothing alike. He looks like Micheal Westen on Burn Notice (really!) and gets super dark in the summer. I look like, well, my avatar. LOL, not really, but I have very fair skin, blond hair, green eyes. My brother looks like my mother and I take more after my father.

 

I will never forget the secretary in grade school asking me if I was adopted. :confused: They knew my brother and my mom would volunteer at the school, so they knew her, but they never saw my dad, so I guess they didn't understand why I looked different. It really freaked me out for a while!

[gardenmom5]

My children definitely look like siblings, with some looking like clones.

 

however - dh and his brother . . . you wouldn't know they were related let alone brothers. dh is fair, red-haired and blue eyed with a stocky build. his brother was olive, black hair and brown/blk eyes and tall.

 

eta: when they were growing up, people used to ask who that kid was that hung around with the D family.

fil is western european ancestry - dh has his features and coloring. mil is 1/2 armenian - and bil got her father's features. sil's are a total mix of the two, but are lighter than bil.

Edited June 26, 2012 by gardenmom5

[mom2jjka]

I have three children that look quite similar, and one that looks a bit different from the rest. My others all look somewhat alike, and resemble my husband and myself to some degree.

 

But my other daughter has a darker complexion, and I do not see a strong resemblance to my husband, myself, or any of our relatives. From the moment she was born everyone said she just looks "like herself."

Edited June 26, 2012 by mom2jjka

[kewb]

My kids are very similar in looks but one of my friends is from Guatemala and her husband is blond hair, blue eyed German. One kid looks like her and the other looks like the father. She is often assumed to be the nanny of the blond hair/blue eyed child.

[Kertie]

We used to get the mailman remark a LOT. My boys have red hair, and dh and I don't. And the oldest also has blue eyes, which dh and I also don't have. We learned early on to be preemptive--as soon as the random stranger starts in with "well, would you look at that red hair!" we just jump right in talking about how funny recessive genes are, and you just never know who will get what. Yes, it involves telling random people silly bits of family stuff, but it's better than getting slammed with the mailman remark in front of the kids. My daughter doesn't have red hair, so we also get the "she didn't get red hair" bit, in front of her, which I've also learned to be preemptive about--"she got the red highlights" or whatever. If you meet the incredulity with a wall of info, they back off;).

[HappyLady]

*I* was always the "mailman's" kid growing up. :lol: I had blonde hair, blue eyes, and was tall and thin. My parents and sister had dark brown hair and brown eyes and my mom and sister are on the shorter side. I actually looked like my dad, but since he had such dark skin and I was so fair skinned it was hard to tell.

 

My kids look very different, I think, but thankfully both look a lot like my DH. There's no denying they're his, no matter how much he questions it sometimes. :lol: (He likes to joke that they can't be his when they're acting up.) :D

[mrsrevmeg]

 

 

 

Also: Another different but slightly related frustration. There is something, admittedly, about my 6YO younger daughter that is adorable and Shirley Temple-ish. But people very often, in front of my older daughter (8YO) say things like, "Oh, you're so beautiful." "Aren't you the most adorable child?" "I love your hair! It is the cutest hair I've ever seen!" Don't you people have kids? I think my older daughter is going to get a complex. And, for the record, she is beautiful too. ;)

 

 

 

 

My youngest and oldest look so much alike. They have the same slight build, same hair texture, everything. My middle son is different. Built stockier, thicker, curly hair. When he was a baby, random strangers would come up and comment on his beautiful eyes and hair, while my older son would just be sitting there. One day he piped up, "I have hair, too!" The lady he said that said to commented on how his hair was so smooth and straight. She did look a little shocked.

[LittleIzumi]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I'm surprised I don't get more comments, actually, considering one dd's blonde hair and blue eyes, with my nearly black hair and hazel eyes plus dh's brown hair. (He does have baby blues, though.) Ah, she's still my avatar pic. Now picture a Slav or a gypsy/Roma, and that's what I look like, lol. (Even have some genuine Slav blood in there.) The others look like mine. :lol:

[Tap]

Dh, dd, ds and I all look related.

 

Light skin with gold-undertone, blond hair, blue/hazel eyes. Dd looks just like me...ds looks like dh.

 

 

DD5 is my neice. She is dark complected, dark hair, dark eyes.

[Lab1]

My girls are nothing alike and neither are my boys. Both boys have features they pulled from the girls in different ways. So we had four to round out the genetics. Two are quite dark toned where we both aren't. My DH has dark hair, but pale skin. I've been asked many times if I has an affair! Some more subtle then others. I simply say I carry a recessive gene and they look just like my brother and mother. They look very French while I look very Dutch as do two of my kids. My DH looks very English. None of his siblings look related and neither do mine. We have a fun European mix going on!

[fraidycat]

Yes, I have night and day.

 

~ DD has olive toned skin, dark brown eyes, and brown hair. (takes after her Dad in coloring, but looks like me in features)

 

~ DS has pasty white skin, grey eyes, and dirty blonde hair (takes after me in coloring, but looks like his dad in features)

[UnsinkableKristen]

We have the opposite problem. All of ours look *exactly* alike. Besides slight differences in shades of hair color (very slight), all of our kids look like we used the same cookie cutter :D.

 

We had a lady at church see our newest boy and say "Well aren't you the cutest thing! But you look just like your brother and sisters! Why didn't your parents make you your own face??" :001_huh:

[krisperry]

My husband is black and gets asked if these are his kids (they are and so is the baby that looks like these two). This was middle of the summer and when they are the most brown:

 

He does not get those same questions about this kiddo (or the other two that favor her):

 

Sorry for the huge pics :blushing:

[krisperry]

We have the opposite problem. All of ours look *exactly* alike. Besides slight differences in shades of hair color (very slight), all of our kids look like we used the same cookie cutter :D.

 

We had a lady at church see our newest boy and say "Well aren't you the cutest thing! But you look just like your brother and sisters! Why didn't your parents make you your own face??" :001_huh:

 

I have something similar. I have 3 and 3. 3 that look completely alike and another set of 3. They are every other kid too which is weird! The two sets aren't completely dissimilar but they are enough different that a LOT of people comment that "those 3 look alike" and "those 3 look alike".

[DawnM]

Oldest looks more like DH

Middle looks more like me

Youngest looks quite Chinese :lol:

[higginszoo]

Mine all look pretty alike, but we do have one blonde that people ask about sometimes. I find that kind of questioning rude, so my pat answer has been to shrug and say that I don't know what happened -- the mailman we had back then was black. (Which is true, though it's neither here nor there, really :glare: ). It usually shocks them enough to shut them up, though.

[Mommy22alyns]

Nope, there's no getting around the fact that the girls are sisters. In fact, we often get asked if they're twins. They're 2 years apart. :001_huh: Rebecca has blue eyes, slightly lighter hair, and her hair is straight. Sylvia has brown eyes, slightly darker hair and skin tone, and a head full of thick curls. But facially, they are very alike.

[Mommy22alyns]

Mine all look pretty alike, but we do have one blonde that people ask about sometimes. I find that kind of questioning rude, so my pat answer has been to shrug and say that I don't know what happened -- the mailman we had back then was black. (Which is true, though it's neither here nor there, really :glare: ). It usually shocks them enough to shut them up, though.

 

 

:lol::lol::lol: OMG, this is the funniest thing I've read all day!

Edited June 27, 2012 by Mommy22alyns
Because I can't type.

[AK_Mom4]

Definitely!

 

My kids look like they are "His - Hers - and Theirs"!

 

DS20 looks just like his dad.

DD18 and DS20 look enough alike to be twins and have my coloring.

DD11 has her dad's coloring like big brother, but with light blue eyes like the middle two.

[Alphabetika]

My children look very similar to each other in coloring, but different from me.

 

DH and The Girls: Blond, straight hair and blue eyes.

 

Me: Brown, crazy curly hair, green eyes.

 

No one has suspected the mailman (since our mailmen are almost always Asian ;)) but people often ask me if my hair is permed (it's not) because they can't believe none of my girls got it.

 

My oldest dd is seeing a man with white-blonde, crazy curly hair, so I have high hopes for grandkids who look like me. :D

[Pamela H in Texas]

My mom would get that because my brother and I look so differently.

 

My two big kids don't look alike either. And yet they both look similar to me AND my son looks a lot like my brother.

 

Go figure.

 

Honestly, people need to just hush! It isn't their business.

 

BTW, people also talk about how much my younger daughter looks like me (really? hmmm) and how much our foster baby looks like me (interesting). They also say how much my younger daughter and the two boys look alike but never claim the boys look like me. However, then I get told that the baby looks like the 5yo (who isn't related).

 

Seriously, people are just weird. Again, they really shouldn't be making comments or asking. Do I wonder about other families sometimes? Absolutely! Would I say something or ask? NOT ON YOUR LIFE!

[MedicMom]

DS is white-blond, dark blue eyes, light light skin.

DD has jet black hair, brown eyes, and her skin tone clearly speaks to her Slavic and Native American ancestors.

 

Neither of them resembles their father or I in the slightest, but I swear they are ours.

[clearycrew]

One of my seven bio children looks nothing like the rest-- it's kind of weird, but he looks exactly like his dad so no mailman jokes. :) My other son is adopted from Ethiopia, so yeah, he looks really different from the rest. :)

[Peaceful Isle]

My kids all look like my dh. Good thing I like the way he looks! heehee :D

[Mommyof4ks]

My three are near carbon copies in the face, but they have cousins who do not even look related (both have the same parents). Genetics is a strange thing. People should mind their own business. We have enough friends who have adopted children that it does not phase me, but I cannot imagine making a comment like that to anyone.

[learningmama]

We used to get the mailman remark a LOT. My boys have red hair, and dh and I don't. And the oldest also has blue eyes, which dh and I also don't have. We learned early on to be preemptive--as soon as the random stranger starts in with "well, would you look at that red hair!" we just jump right in talking about how funny recessive genes are, and you just never know who will get what. Yes, it involves telling random people silly bits of family stuff, but it's better than getting slammed with the mailman remark in front of the kids. My daughter doesn't have red hair, so we also get the "she didn't get red hair" bit, in front of her, which I've also learned to be preemptive about--"she got the red highlights" or whatever. If you meet the incredulity with a wall of info, they back off;).

 

:iagree: DD has red hair I'm brunette, dh is bald (but is blonde), and ds is blonde. So we have had to explain the red hair alot. My brother had red hair as a baby and mil was strawberry blonde. Both of our families came from Scotland long ago...so there you go.

[Oak Knoll Mom]

my youngest is my husband's clone. Freaky identical clone. Even in behavior! :D

 

I really don't belong in this conversation because my boys all look a lot alike. :001_smile: However, I wanted to comment on this...I was in my hometown last week and ran into an old friend that I hadn't seen in probably 10-12 years. She said she kept watching me to figure out if I really was me and the moment my son--whom she has never met--walked up, she knew it was me because he looks just like my husband. :D

[FO4UR]

Mine look each other. They just don't look like me. I was asked 3 times (by the same person!) if my dd was mine yesterday. :001_huh:

 

 

I am very fair - auburn hair/hazel eyes. dh is asian. The dc have his dark hair/eyes/complexion.