Joanne Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 That about sums it up publically. I can't go into many of the details I'd like to here, but I will communicate with pm's from known posters. Let's just say that it is not a surprise although it's still a gut wrenching, stunning situation. Let's also say that it is not in the best interest of this child to finish his growing up years with his Dad. We will have to fight this with everything we have and more since we don't have much. It's not only money resources that are drained here; I'm still weary and tired and experience symptoms of depression as a result of the effect of 15 years with the man in question. We need prayer. Lots of it. In the short term, please pray that I parent my oldest in the best way possible upon his return to this home on Monday. He has signed an affidavit of choice (indicating a preference to live with his dad). At 13, that is taken into consideration in the case, but is by far not all determining. A court case will mean family evaluations on each side, psychological evaluations and court appointed advocates for the kids. Also please pray for protection on my marriage as we respond to this as a unit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie in Oh Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 That is awful news. However, you are strong! Stronger than you even know. You can do this. Any judge will see that it is in the best interest of your ds to stay with you. You are a constant in his life-- something which from what I can tell your xh is not. I am sending lots of hugs, prayers, and peace your way. Hang in there. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Lynx Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 Joanne, I will pray for you, for strength for you, your marriage, your kids, and for the very best for your son. And for a wise judge. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liza Q Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 Joanne, I will pray for you, for strength for you, your marriage, your kids, and for the very best for your son. And for a wise judge. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dayle in Guatemala Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 :grouphug:Joanne:grouphug: You will continue to be in my prayers. You are one strong woman to have not cracked under all of this in recent times. I've been praying for you and I will continue to pray.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 :grouphug: Prayers for you as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammy Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 I thought the child requested to live with his dad..... I don't see that as 'tormenting' Joanne. I will assume his dad is only asking for custody....because the child requested to live with him....right? I believe he has just as much right to have those children as she does. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaMere Academy Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 Joanne, I have no advice, just prayers and hugs. I'm so sorry you're going to have to go through all this.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plaid Dad Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 Praying for you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 I'm so sorry that you have to go thru this. Do you think your 13 yo is mad at you for getting remarried? Or maybe just wants his dad (and maybe dad just can't be the man that ds really needs)? (You don't have to answer, just thinking out loud here.) It hasn't sounded in the past like your ex is reasonable, but do you think he could settle for more visitation, and would that be ok with you? Again, just thinking out loud. Anyway, I will be in prayer for you, and for your other kids, too--I hope this doesn't make your dd's anxiety worse. On the other hand, the psychological eval on her might prove helpful, no? A sort of silver lining? Hugs to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cin Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 Offering Coaching in Effective Practical Parenting and Get Off Your Butt Parenting. Can I just say that the guy has to have <insert appropriate word> of steel and the size of beach balls to try to take custody away from a mom with this website! (Please forgive if I offend, no other analogy seemed to fit the bill). I may not agree with you, but with your resume, I would NEVER try to challenge you! And please tell me that an affidavit from a *13* yr old is not going to go far in court. Honestly, if I were the judge that would make me look long and hard at the parent he WANTS to live with...would they be more permissive? have more money? not mandate church attendance? uh huh. That wouldn't go far with me, but I'm 'just a mom'. :rolleyes: jmho Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathleen in VA Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 Praying here.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melinda in VT Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 I thought the child requested to live with his dad..... I don't see that as 'tormenting' Joanne. I will assume his dad is only asking for custody....because the child requested to live with him....right? I believe he has just as much right to have those children as she does. We don't know that. We know the dad has sued for custody and the son has signed an affidavit, but we don't know who initiated the process. (Did the dad pressure the son to sign? Did the son ask the dad to sue for custody? It could have happened either way.) Although I will agree that we (or at least, I) don't know enough about the situation to attribute the xh's decision to sue for custody to a desire to torment or manipulate Joanne. (On the other hand, some of his recent actions--like dropping the kids' insurance--doesn't speak well.) Hugs to you and yours, Joanne. I will pray for the best outcome and wisdom for everyone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sandy in Indy Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 Praying here, Joanne. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 Oh mercy. I'm so sorry this is happening. Prayers for all of you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ashleen Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer in MI Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 Oh Joanne. I am so, so, so sorry you are going through this again. I will pray for everyone involved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted June 28, 2008 Author Share Posted June 28, 2008 Originally Posted by Tammy I thought the child requested to live with his dad..... I don't see that as 'tormenting' Joanne. I will assume his dad is only asking for custody....because the child requested to live with him....right? I believe he has just as much right to have those children as she does. There is an answer to these queries. But I'm not going to do that in a public forum. I need to not play my cards in advance and develop a stragic plan to do what's best for my family - all of us. Yes, my son did sign an affidavit of choice. I believe it to be sincere. He's spent the last month with his Dad, in the absence of younger (and annoying) siblings, no lawn or chores and his Dad is unemployed. What 13 year old wouldn't like hanging out with Dad at the water park nearly every day for a month? :001_smile: However, as sincere as the affidavit may be, that does not remove the element of coercsion which can take many forms. And we all know that 13 year olds are not yet capable of evaluating major decisions in light of the big picture. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted June 28, 2008 Author Share Posted June 28, 2008 I'm so sorry that you have to go thru this. Do you think your 13 yo is mad at you for getting remarried? Surely it's emotionally complicated. His dad is also remarried. Both were quick, especially for the kids. I don't *think* this is that. It's probably more accurate that he's rightfully upset that my marriage to his Dad didn't work. He has a good relationship with his step dad; respect, affection, seeking his time and attention. Or maybe just wants his dad (and maybe dad just can't be the man that ds really needs)? I believe that every child, every boy needs "his Dad". Ihasn't sounded in the past like t your ex is reasonable, but do you think he could settle for more visitation, and would that be ok with you? Again, just thinking out loud. I have always offered "more visitation" to my xh. Since I homeschool, we are flexible and since I don't work outside the home, I do not feel that the kids spending more time with my xh takes inappropriately from my time with them. There is a stipulated week day overnight that could have been exercised each week - and willingly by me. So, yes, more visitation would (and has been) absolutely acceptable to me. There are, however, aspects to this that need to be addressed. Anyway, I will be in prayer for you, and for your other kids, too--I hope this doesn't make your dd's anxiety worse. On the other hand, the psychological eval on her might prove helpful, no? A Thank you for the prayers. I see your point about my dd. I plan on getting her professional support regardless. :001_smile: Posted from intermittent internet access from a fireworks stand in Katy, TX. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin Hood Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 That is a lot for even the strongest of women to handle. I'll be praying for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trivium Academy Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 I feel a bit confident given the circumstances that this will work out. If he lives with his father, won't that end his homeschooling? The sheer audacity to sue for custody when he's unemployed is very telling of his mental status. I'm sorry for this stress in your life and family, your poor son to be caught in the middle of this irresponsible action on his father's part. I'm praying for you all, even your xh. I do wonder if this has just come up all of a sudden like a whim or if there has been a building of the situation, more visitations and contact. Also how can he afford to sue you for custody?? I know you shouldn't answer these on the board, I'm just voicing out loud the questions that your post stirred up in me as I have a shared custody with my oldest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammy Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 You said you didn't work....but didn't both you and your dh start working at a fireworks stand? Or does only your dh? Or maybe that is only on the weekends? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 Joanne ~ you surely have been given a lot to deal with right now!! You and your family are in my prayers. :grouphug: Anne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted June 28, 2008 Author Share Posted June 28, 2008 You said you didn't work....but didn't both you and your dh start working at a fireworks stand? Or does only your dh? Or maybe that is only on the weekends? 1) I said I didn't work apart from the kids. I make income by homeschooling others and providing afterschool/summer care. 2) A fireworks stand in TX is a 2 week venture, 2X a year. 3) The kids are involved and with us Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 After all the nonsense your ex has pulled this makes me mad. Praying here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gretchen in NJ Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 Joanne, I will pray for you, for strength for you, your marriage, your kids, and for the very best for your son. And for a wise judge. :iagree: me too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 What a stressful thing to go through. I will pray that the judge sees who is the best parent to have custody and toss this case out on the curb. I can not believe your xh would stoop so low. It's not like you have been with-holding the kids from him etc. It sounds like you have been very open with his access to them. Hopefully in the end everything works out and this will become a distant memory. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mekanamom Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 (((Joanne))) :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen500 Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 Joanne, I'm so sorry. This must be so stressful. I hope you can come to an agreement that works for everyone w/o having to go through the court system. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Atl Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 :grouphug: I wish I had more I could say or do.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 I am so sorry. I have an IRL friend in the same boat who has had this happen to her twice, most recently this spring. She won the first time, with it noted that he couldn't do it again for three years. This time the judge sent them to a mediator. As if that will help! But, it stalls things anyway. Praying that you can have peace through this. HE is in charge. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 I'm so sorry, Joanne. I'll keep this situation in prayer.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andie Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 Joanne, I will pray for you, for strength for you, your marriage, your kids, and for the very best for your son. And for a wise judge. Yes & yes. I'm so very sorry, Joanne. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue G in PA Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 Joanne, I will certainly be praying for you and your son, your marriage and your strength during this trying time. :grouphug: to you. Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRAAB Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 I haven't been here for long, but wanted to offer my thoughts and prayers. Janet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in the Kootenays Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 I thought the child requested to live with his dad..... I don't see that as 'tormenting' Joanne. I will assume his dad is only asking for custody....because the child requested to live with him....right? I believe he has just as much right to have those children as she does. It's pretty hard to judge it at a distance. I know of at least one case where asking for custody after the child has requested to move in with the other parent could be considered tormenting. And it's really not about the his rights vs her rights in my mind. It's about what's best for the child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*anj* Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 Joanne, I am so sorry that it's come to this. I can only imagine the stream of feelings that you must be experiencing right now. Please know that I'll be praying for you and for the whole situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doran Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 May you be filled with confidence, and even-handedness, clarity, and wisdom. And may the same find your xh, son, and legal counsel. (((Joanne))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vida Winter Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 I am so sorry you are going through this. And your poor son must be so confused. I just have to say that judges almost always side with the mother. A coerced signature will not count for much. I will do my best to lift you and your family in prayer. This is one of those times when you do your best and trust in God. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlashine Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 First of all :grouphug: for you. Secondly, I don't know how the law works in TX, but here in MD, it is nigh on impossible to take custody from the mother unless she has SERIOUS problems. Thirdly, the ex being unemployed is not going to help his case at all either. Finally, Tammy, I understand trying to play devil's advocate and all, but, personally, I find your comments pretty harsh and slightly offensive. But that is JMHO. I will be praying for you Joanne. There is legal aid here, maybe you can find the same in your area. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tracey in TX Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 (((Joanne))) I will pray that all progresses quickly and painlessly for you and your family. Remember that you're not alone. While you might not be able to vent all (or any) details, we will be here to lift your spirits and your family in prayer. Best wishes, Tracey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammy Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 For those of you who think I am 'judging' Joanne..... I have seen this same scenario over and over on these boards. A board member comes on here...tells all her personal business.....about divorce....her dh is messing around...whatever. Then everyone decides the dh is an idiot...a no good piece of crap. Well....it is obvious we are only hearing one side of the story. For me to decide a person is no good....will take more than one side of the story. Yea...these people are coming here for 'support'....but what do they expect? I am not going to demean someone's X because they 'want' me to agree with them. If you don't want to discuss your situtation....(when someone disagrees)...then don't post it on the boards (everyone isn't always going to agree with you). Frankly...I would never post such a thing on a message board....for everyone to read. Talk to your lawyer about it....or close friends, not people you have no clue about. I have followed Joanne's posts for a good while now...and to tell you the truth....I can't say WHICH parent those kids are better off living with, and I can't imagine anyone here can do that either. But to say things like her dh is 'tormenting' her is a bit much.....come on. Ok....bring it on.....neg rep and all!!!! Tammy Who should have kept her mouth shut....but lost control! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sleepy Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 Oh Joanne, I can't even imagine how hard this must be for you and your family. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted June 28, 2008 Author Share Posted June 28, 2008 Tammy, What an unkind, graceless and mean spirited post and perspective. I tried to answer your queries with class and respect. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*anj* Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 Tammy, What an unkind, graceless and mean spirited post and perspective. I tried to answer your queries with class and respect. You succeeded, Joanne. Sometimes the "ignore" option is your friend. ;) :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 For those of you who think I am 'judging' Joanne..... I have seen this same scenario over and over on these boards. A board member comes on here...tells all her personal business.....about divorce....her dh is messing around...whatever. Then everyone decides the dh is an idiot...a no good piece of crap. Well....it is obvious we are only hearing one side of the story. For me to decide a person is no good....will take more than one side of the story. Yea...these people are coming here for 'support'....but what do they expect? I am not going to demean someone's X because they 'want' me to agree with them. If you don't want to discuss your situtation....(when someone disagrees)...then don't post it on the boards (everyone isn't always going to agree with you). Frankly...I would never post such a thing on a message board....for everyone to read. Talk to your lawyer about it....or close friends, not people you have no clue about. I have followed Joanne's posts for a good while now...and to tell you the truth....I can't say WHICH parent those kids are better off living with, and I can't imagine anyone here can do that either. But to say things like her dh is 'tormenting' her is a bit much.....come on. Ok....bring it on.....neg rep and all!!!! Tammy Who should have kept her mouth shut....but lost control! Tammy, Aside from your personal suspicions about Joanne's accuracy in portraying her ex, would you be willing to concede that this board is a support system for Joanne? She's been here for many years, and many people have years of background information about her life. For example, you didn't even seem to understand her working situation relative to the fireworks stand. I think it's pretty fair to say that you haven't followed her story closely, or for the years and years that it's been shared here. So everyone else is reacting, not to a few months of posts, but to the big picture. Sure, her ex has not posted, so no, we are not working with both sides. There are some actions that he has taken that have been so detrimental to the kids (most recently, the insurance) that no matter who's side you're coming from, there's no excuse. The thing is, she asked us for prayer, not for a decision on the case. We don't need to know both sides. We know enough about Joanne to know that we like her and support her. Prayer is important and that's all she has asked us for. If you are still overwhelmed by your suspicions, why don't you take the time and go read the history here. Go back to our old boards and really soak up the information. Or, you can do what I think would be a kinder, more loving approach and just bow out of this thread. Let Joanne get the support and prayer she needs from people who want to give it to her. Whether or not she is handling it the way you think she should is not something that I feel like she should have to discuss when all she was asking for is prayer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenschooler Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 I will be praying on all fronts, Joanne. That is heart-wrenching, and I wish there were something more tangible I could do for you. So this affadavit was signed while your ds was visiting his dad, I assume. I wonder if he'll still stick to it after returning home. What a sneaky trick to pull on a visit (if that's how it was done - I'm just assuming). I hope the courts will take into consideration the fact that this would be splitting up the children - doesn't that count for anything? Also, your ex has lived in FL for several years, while you lived in TX, correct? So was he so very involved with the children then, or is the motivator for this a combinination of guilt/child support issues? Hang in there, Joanne. You can get through this. I'll be praying for you daily until this is resolved - keep us updated. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenschooler Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 Tammy, please, I'm begging you. I know it's important for you to get your opinion out there, but Joanne is asking for our support. Please don't hijack this thread and cause it to be deleted. Joanne didn't just 'come on here' and give us some story. This is her history, and it's been brewing for years. We've all been there with her during it, and we'll see her through to the end. If you aren't going to be a part of that, your presence here (in this particular thread) is not needed. It's a big board - there are plenty of other threads to visit. For those of you who think I am 'judging' Joanne..... I have seen this same scenario over and over on these boards. A board member comes on here...tells all her personal business.....about divorce....her dh is messing around...whatever. Then everyone decides the dh is an idiot...a no good piece of crap. Well....it is obvious we are only hearing one side of the story. For me to decide a person is no good....will take more than one side of the story. Yea...these people are coming here for 'support'....but what do they expect? I am not going to demean someone's X because they 'want' me to agree with them. If you don't want to discuss your situtation....(when someone disagrees)...then don't post it on the boards (everyone isn't always going to agree with you). Frankly...I would never post such a thing on a message board....for everyone to read. Talk to your lawyer about it....or close friends, not people you have no clue about. I have followed Joanne's posts for a good while now...and to tell you the truth....I can't say WHICH parent those kids are better off living with, and I can't imagine anyone here can do that either. But to say things like her dh is 'tormenting' her is a bit much.....come on. Ok....bring it on.....neg rep and all!!!! Tammy Who should have kept her mouth shut....but lost control! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 I thought the child requested to live with his dad..... . I don't know the facts of the situation, but one of my big unhappinesses with divorce is that it can give the children TOO much power. A 13 year old may happily put up with an unideal situation to have no bed time, or junk food, or "stuff", or no curfew, etc. Thus the evaluations and hopes for a good judge. Not a job I'd like to have, nosireebob. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sharon H in IL Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 Oh no. I'm so sorry, Jo. I'm praying hard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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