WWYD: Sunday school paranoia

[Harriet Vane]

While I am normally a big proponent of good child safety, I agree with you that these practices are overkill. Parents should be able to observe the classroom and get to know teachers.

[TranquilMind]

My church has instituted a new policy. Yesterday was the first day of the new regime.

 

 

The old policy was this: parents take their child directly to their room and sign them in and out. I usually said hi to the helpers. I knew them and they knew me. Volunteers are well-screened (background check, Megan's Law, references). Life is good. No problems. But the new director comes on board and I guess she felt the need to improve things. :tongue_smilie:

 

New policy: The children are locked into the children's wing (there's a door that leads to a long hall. The Sunday school rooms are on that hall. Make sense?) . No one (even parents) are allowed in that wing during services. We sign them in/out in a large room at the entrance to the children's wing and receive a color-coded card that indicates how many kids we dropped off.

 

We are not allowed to see inside the classroom. There are a lot of volunteers I haven't met before. We're not introduced to our child's leader (different from before, I think... but, then again, I really have no way of knowing). Parents can't stay unless they're trained, screened volunteers.

 

After the parents are gone, the kids are escorted as a group to their actual SS rooms by their teacher or a helper.

 

Check out procedure is this: turn in your color-coded card. The same parent that dropped the child off, MUST be the one to pick them up. No exceptions. Sorry dad, you can't help out mom by picking up the kids while she chats with a friend after service. Its' inconvenient, isolating, STUPID, unnecessary and feeds into our culture of fear.

 

Anyway, all this is for the kids' "safety."

 

It took everything in me not to laugh squarely in the Sunday School director's face when she told me this. Exactly how scary does she think the world is? How is locking kids away from their parents safe? In churches, kids are most likely to be abused (not just s*xual abuse) by trusted adults (pastors, SS teachers, etc.). How is it SAFER for me to not have the opportunity to meet my DD's SS teacher or observe a class if I feel like it? It also galls me to know that DD is developing relationship with adults that I've never seen, much less met.

 

(Note: in situations where kids DO require extra safety, for example during a custody dispute, why not just have the parent speak with the child's SS teacher directly and explain his/her concerns?)

 

I want to write a letter expressing just how utterly NUTS this is, but I'm not sure how to say it. Please help.

 

By the way, the new powers that be like to use the phrase "partnering with parents" when explaining the decisions they've made (even though they never asked for any parental feedback or suggestions at all before changing things.). The only thing I can think to say is (with apologies to Inigo Montoya - I think) "You keep using that word "partnership." I do not think it means what you think it means."

 

WWYD? Would you write a letter? Quietly leave? Suck it up and do nothing? If you'd speak up, what would you say?

My kids are teens now, but no way would I have permitted them to attend Sunday School under that policy. NO ONE keeps me away from my children without my consent. I can't think of a single scenario - except maybe surgery, for reasons of sterility - where someone is going to tell ME that my children must be taken from and brought to me. Would not happen. I would leave that church under that policy.

 

I wouldn't write a letter first. I'd meet with the pastor immediately (with husband), and tell him my (previously written) list of concerns, after explaining that I do understand their concerns with liability, but that I believe they are going too far to prohibit parental access to their own children.

[TranquilMind]

*Michelle: Unless my kid is being wheeled through the OR doors for surgery, I'm not putting them anywhere that prohibits me from seeing them in that environment whenever I choose.

Ha. I just said this downthread. It is the only legitimate situation that occurs to me where a parent can reasonably be prohibited access.

 

It is all legal CYA stuff because of all the lowlife predators out there. I'm glad my kids are teens.

[TranquilMind]

Also was on staff at a large church (5000+ per weekend, 1000 kids) in Children's Ministry, and while I understand the new procedures, I also can understand why they feel so...awful to you as a parent.

 

At the church where I worked there were a handful of registered sexual offenders who attended there. There were strict guidelines for these folks as far as where they could and couldn't be in the church, but we had a system set up similar in that adults couldn't come all the way to the rooms for the younger children (preschool/infants). This was not to keep parents out - it was to insure unknowns didn't "get in". We also could not share the names of the people we had on the "not around kids" list to the parents for obvious reasons. This wasn't a policy of fear, it was a policy set to respect the ministry needs of everyone - the children, the parents, and those who struggled with inappropriate relationships with children. But I struggled with it - all aspects of it, and I don't think there is a perfect balance. It isn't good to be too cavalier or naive, but it also isn't healthy to instill fear in either parents or children. It just isn't easy.

 

Now, as a parent I understand that you need to know WHO is teaching your child. I also know as a parent I like being able to have a brief "chat" with the teacher during check out time - just a little sentence or two about how the class went, what they talked about, etc. I would hate to not have that opportunity to see and interact with who was teaching my child.

 

I encourage you to talk to the Children's Minister because I think you have some really valid points and concerns. But just know, it is hard to be in her shoes. It is a tremendous responsibility to provide a safe and caring environment for children, and it is (almost!) easier to deal with angry parents than to live with the pain and regret of one incident. And of course, no matter how diligent churches or people are, bad things can still happen. There is no policy or procedure that can eliminate evil from the world our kids live in. That's the balance that is hard to find. But together, I hope you can find a middle ground.

:grouphug:

You make some good points.

 

Maybe the Catholic Church has this right; there IS no Children's church. Families all attend church together.

[TranquilMind]

When I asked the director, "Why are you doing all this?" She said, "It's for safety." If there was a problem, we (the parents) were never told about it. We were never asked what we thought about the current (well, now, "former") safety procedures.

 

What I feel like screaming from the rooftops is that, in a church setting, children are MOST at risk of being abused by TRUSTED ADULTS. It's the Sunday School teachers, youth pastors, elders, etc. that are the most likely to abuse a child in a church setting. So you're locking my kids in with the people who are most likely to abuse and then telling me to shut up and go away?! NO. NO. NO.

 

Listen, I realize that most adults wouldn't ever abuse a child. I don't particularly suspect anyone at that church. But, I have a policy of meeting people my kids will be interacting with (teachers, neighbors, whoever...) and doing a quick gut check. 99% of the time I feel okay with them and life goes on as normal. However, with the current set-up at the church, I don't have the option of meeting these people and doing a gut check. I'm just handing my kids over and keeping my fingers crossed.

Stick to your policy. It is a good one.

[mommytime]

Unless my kid is being wheeled through the OR doors for surgery, I'm not putting them anywhere that prohibits me from seeing them in that environment whenever I choose. I would definitely be writing a letter, in the least, and leaving if I were told the changes would remain in effect.

 

I would probably start the conversation by asking what the specific complaints were regarding the previous system.

 

I agree with this. Our church's policy is the same as your previous policy...it works great. I would talk to the director or write a letter, but if it didn't change we would leave. That just sounds like a horrible way to run the children's program. What a joke.

[TranquilMind]

OK, in fairness to the conductor of the Crazy Train, if I made some noise I could probably get introductions to the volunteers after class or something. But, I'd have to the That Mom (you know, the one that's a trouble maker). And, honestly, meeting and learning the first name of the people volunteering with my kids shouldn't be some right I have to fight for. Things should be run in such a transparent manner that relationships between parents and volunteers are almost inevitable.

 

This doesn't feel like a church. It feels like something ugly and impersonal. It feels slick and not at all family-friendly. It feels like they value efficiency over relationship.

My spouse is convinced that God never intended large, run-like-a-business churches, and I think he is right.

[Starr]

Less info than you get in ps. :(

[FloridaLisa]

I wouldn't do it. I would just take my dc with me into the service.

 

Lisa

[shinyhappypeople]

I wouldn't mind so much if it was the teacher doing the signing in. At least then I'd get to see this person, do a gut check, chat briefly and feel somehow connected to the process. It's a little ironic that this safety policy makes kids less safe.

 

FWIW, I use my DH and my mom as soundboards for when something ticks me off. They're both practical people who are willing to tell me when I'm over-reacting. BOTH of them are pretty shocked by the new policy and have encouraged me to take the girls elsewhere. (DH is a Christian, but doesn't usually go to church with us)

[MomatHWTK]

I think there are probably all different church systems for all different kinds of people, different places spiritually, etc. This set up doesn't sound like the one for you. It wouldn't be for me either. I agree, knowing what the teacher is like is about what kind of teaching they will be doing not just the background check. :)

Edited April 17, 2012 by MomatHWTK

[misidawnrn]

NO way! My kids would be sitting in main assembly with me if this was the case. Stand your ground and follow your gut instinct.

[LMD]

Yeah, this sounds really, really strange to me. Are you not allowed to meet the teachers? If they are trying to partner with the parents wouldn't they specifically do a meet'n'greet?

 

What if the parent has an emergency and needs to take the child out early? Bang really loud on the locked corridor door?! :O

 

For us, I will not allow my children somewhere that I don't have access. If the teachers balk at me asking to stay (any teacher, SS, PS, music etc.) then I'm not comfortable with it.

[tristangrace]

I think it's very reasonable to want, and ask for, better contact with the caregivers. Some of the responses here seem a little dramatic, though: I wouldn't let that get you worked up before you know the score. Just have a conversation with the folks in leadership. No biggie.

[Tarreymere]

I'd write a letter and not use Sunday School anymore. It's absurd. If I can't check on my kids directly and if I don't know who is taking care of them, they stay with me.

 

:iagree:

[Forget-Me-Not]

OK, in fairness to the conductor of the Crazy Train, if I made some noise I could probably get introductions to the volunteers after class or something. But, I'd have to the That Mom (you know, the one that's a trouble maker). And, honestly, meeting and learning the first name of the people volunteering with my kids shouldn't be some right I have to fight for. Things should be run in such a transparent manner that relationships between parents and volunteers are almost inevitable.

 

This doesn't feel like a church. It feels like something ugly and impersonal. It feels slick and not at all family-friendly. It feels like they value efficiency over relationship.

 

Be That Mom. Often times when That Mom speaks up, it gives courage to the other moms to speak out as well. Write letters, speak to the other parents, go up the chain of command.

[Catwoman]

Be That Mom. Often times when That Mom speaks up, it gives courage to the other moms to speak out as well. Write letters, speak to the other parents, go up the chain of command.

 

:iagree:

 

If being a part of this particular church matters to you, stand up and roar. Call the pastor directly, and tell him every single one of your concerns, and politely ask what he or she is going to do about it.

 

The new policy sounds incredibly misguided, but because it is new, the leadership may welcome opinions about it. If people complain amongst themselves, but don't become "Those Moms," the church leaders will never know that they have made a terrible mistake.

[laundrycrisis]

You could start bringing the children to the regular church service. And give them lots of candy beforehand...the kind loaded with artificial colors and flavors :D Explain that since the kids programs have been taken over by such an authoritarian regime, you feel better just keeping them with you :tongue_smilie:

[Catwoman]

You could start bringing the children to the regular church service. And give them lots of candy beforehand...the kind loaded with artificial colors and flavors :D Explain that since the kids programs have been taken over by such an authoritarian regime, you feel better just keeping them with you :tongue_smilie:

 

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

And it's always a good time to play the maracas, and maybe a little drum and a kazoo... ;)

[MindyD]

You make some good points.

 

Maybe the Catholic Church has this right; there IS no Children's church. Families all attend church together.

 

:iagree: and I'm not even Catholic!

[shinyhappypeople]

Yeah, this sounds really, really strange to me. Are you not allowed to meet the teachers? If they are trying to partner with the parents wouldn't they specifically do a meet'n'greet?

 

I don't think it's so much that we're "not allowed" to meet the teachers, there's just no natural opportunity to do it. I'd introduce myself, but I'm not sure which of the random volunteers milling around to approach.

 

What if the parent has an emergency and needs to take the child out early? Bang really loud on the locked corridor door?! :O

 

Yes. No joke.

 

For us, I will not allow my children somewhere that I don't have access. If the teachers balk at me asking to stay (any teacher, SS, PS, music etc.) then I'm not comfortable with it.

 

Me, too. And, what's crazy is that I wouldn't necessarily USE the access at all. I never visited DD's SS class when things were accessible. I never felt the NEED to do it. But, with everything hidden away now... ick... it just makes me uncomfortable. I don't necessarily suspect them of any nefarious deeds at this point. As my DH put it: "It's just not natural to lock kids away from their parents." So, maybe it's just my mama bear instinct in overdrive, but I *do* *not* like it.

[Reflections]

I have not read all the replies but I just had to add - isn't it a standard "RED FLAG" when a group, who is in charge of your children, does not allow you free access to your children at all times?

[besroma]

No. No, NO, NO.

 

Nope, sorry, usurping my access to my children is NOT for their safety, it is to exert control. Not knowing the staff/volunteers is NOT safe (or reasonable). No, there is no "partnering with parents" going on there. No. Just no.

 

Exactly.

[Ellie]

That's why I'm saying I really do think it will relax over the next few weeks - probably several people will complain and whatnot, and they may change the process a little.

Or not.

 

The leaders in the church cannot make policies based on popular vote. Those in leadership see way more than what most parents do. They *know* the stories that are every parent's nightmare, because they've heard them from other churches. I've heard those stories. I've experienced a couple. I've spoken with people face-to-face who have lived through the nightmares. So TPTB have to make decisions for everyone, even if some people are unhappy, even if some people don't understand.

[Whereneverever]

Or not.

 

The leaders in the church cannot make policies based on popular vote. Those in leadership see way more than what most parents do. They *know* the stories that are every parent's nightmare, because they've heard them from other churches. I've heard those stories. I've experienced a couple. I've spoken with people face-to-face who have lived through the nightmares. So TPTB have to make decisions for everyone, even if some people are unhappy, even if some people don't understand.

 

The sad reality is that there are people out there who hurt kids. And sometimes those people go to church to do it.

 

They at least owe you an explanation, though, even if it's just that their risk management policy has updated.

[Laurie4b]

First of all, I agree with you that to limit parents' access is to take away a valuable safety layer, not to add one. (Parents being able to come by at any time to check puts a damper on anything illicit that might go on if unsupervised.)

 

However, please extend some grace to the new director. This is exactly the way children's Sunday school is handled in one of the mega-churches that everyone copies. So she may have simply been taught that this is "best-practice." So approach her as if this is the case--that she has reasons (she's been to this stellar church that many churches think should be copied) and she's trying to do what she now thinks is best. If you approach it with this understanding, you'll get a lot further than wigging out. (though I totally understand the feeling. I would have it too.)

 

The only part of the policy that you describe that we use at our church is the parent who signs the child in must sign the child out until the volunteers (ours volunteer each week, so they get to know children and parents) know which parent goes with which child. However, until that happens, or in case of substitutes, making sure that the child is going to the correct parent is worth the occasional aggravation of delay. Once parents "get" it, it happens very, very rarely--like once a year. People get briefly annoyed, but do understand.

[shinyhappypeople]

Or not.

 

The leaders in the church cannot make policies based on popular vote. Those in leadership see way more than what most parents do. They *know* the stories that are every parent's nightmare, because they've heard them from other churches. I've heard those stories. I've experienced a couple. I've spoken with people face-to-face who have lived through the nightmares. So TPTB have to make decisions for everyone, even if some people are unhappy, even if some people don't understand.

 

If there's something awful going on behind the scenes, some danger lurking that the average attender doesn't know about, then TPTB need to communicate it. If I'm going to entrust my kids to your care, then I have the right to know if/why a certain situation is risky.

 

I don't accept patronizing crap like, "We know what we're doing. Just trust us." Trust is earned. Keep things open and transparent. Communicate with parents. Build a positive working relationship with me. THEN (and only then) will I honor you with my trust.

[shinyhappypeople]

The sad reality is that there are people out there who hurt kids. And sometimes those people go to church to do it.

 

They at least owe you an explanation, though, even if it's just that their risk management policy has updated.

 

And the even sadder reality is that the perps are usually trusted adults. In the church setting that would include sr. pastors, youth pastors, Sunday School teachers...

 

So, they're trying to keep my kid safe by locking her in with the people that are statistically most likely to abuse her?

[Whereneverever]

And the even sadder reality is that the perps are usually trusted adults. In the church setting that would include sr. pastors, youth pastors, Sunday School teachers...

 

So, they're trying to keep my kid safe by locking her in with the people that are statistically most likely to abuse her?

 

Um, you don't need to keep reiterating this at me. I know. I know way more then I want to know about this.

 

From the churches perspective they have people who are background checked, hopefully trained in preventing awareness, and working in teams so they are never alone with a child.

 

Letting in a stream of parents and others lets in the unknown. Unless you are going to background check every parent, you defeat the purpose.

 

And statistically, more kids are hurt by family members then church leaders.

 

I don't agree with everything your church is doing. I'd be uncomfortable, too. All I'm saying is that people are freaks. Lots of people. Some of those people are at churches and until very, very recently there has been little attention to that within and even less done to stay to keep kids safe.

[Lawana]

This is so far removed from the world I grew up in and the church we were in when my kids were little that I just can't grasp the idea that anyone thinks this is a good idea.

 

I do understand the need in a larger church for some organization and policy regarding pick up and drop off. But disallowing parents from any interaction with their children's teachers is just plain crazy, IMO.

 

In the church we belonged to when my kids were little, everyone knew who was related to whom, and if GreatAunt Sally showed up in the nursery saying she was taking Eliza Jane to her parents, then great, the nursery volunteers, who didn't have to pass a background check, got to leave that much earlier. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying checks are bad. I just have a visceral reaction to the procedures supposedly designed for safety, which can't possibly offer any guarantees.

[Whereneverever]

I just have a visceral reaction to the procedures supposedly designed for safety, which can't possibly offer any guarantees.

 

Isn't that the sad truth. :(

[swellmomma]

Be That Mom. Often times when That Mom speaks up, it gives courage to the other moms to speak out as well. Write letters, speak to the other parents, go up the chain of command.

 

:iagree:And being That mom really isn't so bad. Sometimes you have to take a stand be That mom, and when it comes to kids being separated from parents with no "real" reason (at this point it is due to what ifs not an actual incident as far as I can see), it is time to not only be That mom but to be That mom with everything you got. I guarantee there is more than a few parents feeling the same as you and as soon as 1 stands up against this the rest will too.

[Ellie]

If there's something awful going on behind the scenes, some danger lurking that the average attender doesn't know about, then TPTB need to communicate it. If I'm going to entrust my kids to your care, then I have the right to know if/why a certain situation is risky.

 

I don't accept patronizing crap like, "We know what we're doing. Just trust us." Trust is earned. Keep things open and transparent. Communicate with parents. Build a positive working relationship with me. THEN (and only then) will I honor you with my trust.

It's probable that they are being proactive.

 

And having been one of TPTB, I can tell you that although it seems patronizing to you, trying to explain it to all the parents is painful. Some parents understand it right away, some don't and want extensive explanations on every detail, some don't ever get it and just continue to argue.

 

I would hope that you trust the leadership at your church in the first place; otherwise you wouldn't be attending there. If you haven't had any reason to distruct them up to now, then you should be willing to trust them in this.

[Rebecca VA]

It's possible that your church is getting too big for your comfort level. It might be time for you to find a church that's more small, intimate, and trusting.

[LizzyBee]

I would not drop off my kids at a place where I have no opportunity to see their room, meet their teacher, etc. The kids would stay with me. If the policy is not changed, I would change churches. It's that important.

 

The idea that kids do better if their parents are not around is not universally true. Just like with shots , dentist appts, etc, some kids do better with their parents and some do better without. When I've worked in the nursery, I've never had any problems with parents coming in. Most parents know whether or not it's okay for their kids to see them and they are mindful of that. Many moms come in to nurse and then turn their babies back over to the nursery staff with no problems.

 

Our church is large, and when our last building was built, there was talk of going to a system where the children's dept would be locked and parents denied access. Fortunately, it never came to pass. There are safety procedures in place though. Kids are signed in using a computer system, and whoever picks up a child from nursery has to have the computer generated tag that matches the child's tag. Young children are not allowed to pick up kids from the nursery. The parents are allowed in the front part of the nursery and can see everything going on, but they are not allowed in the back where the babies actually are. The nursing room is off the front part of the nursery. Funny story, one time Jason Carroll (country singer) came to pick up one of his kids without the tag. The worker refused to turn over the child to him, so he had to go find his wife to get the tag. Fortunately, he thanked the worker for following the procedure.

 

We have issues with registered s*x offenders attending our church, and there are people who keep tabs on them at all times when they are at church. We have custody issues going on with a few families in our church, and their children's teachers are informed in addition to using the tag system. It is possible to create a safe environment without going to the extreme of blocking parents' access to their children.

Edited April 17, 2012 by LizzyBee

[ByGrace3]

I am all about safety. I agree that parents should not be randomly hanging out in classrooms. I do think parents should be allowed to check in on children if the need arise, an escort would be acceptable in these circumstances. Checking in is one thing, I wouldn't permit parents in classrooms at will. However, if a parent came to me to request sitting in for a time, I would work that out, be it by visitor badges, an escort, something.

 

I attend a church of 4,000+ members and I have never once been restricted access to my children.

 

In the preschool ministry I drop my children at the door of their classrooms , parents don't go in but they do see the teachers at drop off. At a certain time the doors are locked for security reasons but there is a large counter and lots of windows. At any Point I wanted to check on my child I would simply ask and they would open the door for me. Now ipwhen they are younger I don't want them to see me so if I need to check on littles, which I did EVERY week for. My youngest between services until recently, I would just ask a worker up front. Safety yes, but I was not restrict access arbitrarily.

 

In the children's dept I dr my dd at the door of her classroom. I also pick her ul at the door. Parents dont go in the classroom. There is security procedures, but I would not be ok dropping her in area with expectations of a single adult walking her alone to her class. Just.not.gonna.happen. I drop her in a group, not by herself, even with someone I trust. The safety card gets negated when an adult is alone with my child ever, even to walk her to class.

 

And I completely agree that "this is what is best" is absolutely not an acceptable answer. It is patronizing. They are human and are capable of making mistakes and bad policies-- leadership is about serving. If you are not willing to listen you are not leading you are lording. We are adults, and these are our CHILDREN. And I am sorry, but it being a pain to tell parents or explain over and over is well, too bad. That is their job. And I have been a children's minister...it is the nature of the job.

[CroppinIt]

Are kids not allowed in church? Policies vary, so I don't want to assume.

 

If they were allowed in church, they'd be in the pew with me. If they're not allowed in church, they'd be in the pew with me anyway. Nobody locks my kids up without an arrest warrant.

 

If somebody complained about my kids in church, they'd be in the pew with me at another church.

[PeacefulChaos]

Or not.

 

The leaders in the church cannot make policies based on popular vote. Those in leadership see way more than what most parents do. They *know* the stories that are every parent's nightmare, because they've heard them from other churches. I've heard those stories. I've experienced a couple. I've spoken with people face-to-face who have lived through the nightmares. So TPTB have to make decisions for everyone, even if some people are unhappy, even if some people don't understand.

True. IME, however, if enough parents are upset about something like meeting the child's teacher, most staff will arrange a meet & greet of some type or something. Not necessarily change the policy, but make transition a little easier for the parents.

 

And the even sadder reality is that the perps are usually trusted adults. In the church setting that would include sr. pastors, youth pastors, Sunday School teachers...

 

So, they're trying to keep my kid safe by locking her in with the people that are statistically most likely to abuse her?

I think this doesn't really apply as much here. If there are always two people with all the children, there is VERY LITTLE chance of anything happening. Most of the time the adults who abuse children do so in much more dangerous settings - alone with the child, away on a trip, etc. Obviously anything can happen, but I kind of think you are beating a dead horse with this...you've said it multiple times, and I don't think that going to your staff with this sort of argument will get you very far. Churches do a lot to ensure the safety of children. By all means, go and complain - but I think you'll be much better off coming at it from a different angle.

Um, you don't need to keep reiterating this at me. I know. I know way more then I want to know about this.

 

From the churches perspective they have people who are background checked, hopefully trained in preventing awareness, and working in teams so they are never alone with a child.

 

Letting in a stream of parents and others lets in the unknown. Unless you are going to background check every parent, you defeat the purpose.

 

And statistically, more kids are hurt by family members then church leaders.

 

All I'm saying is that people are freaks. Lots of people. Some of those people are at churches and until very, very recently there has been little attention to that within and even less done to stay to keep kids safe.

:iagree:

 

The bottom line is, church rules have to be made considering the MOST extreme of cases.

[joannqn]

I'd write a letter and not use Sunday School anymore. It's absurd. If I can't check on my kids directly and if I don't know who is taking care of them, they stay with me.

 

:iagree:

 

 

Just add me to the no way my kids are going to that church crowd. Heck, my two year old doesn't stay in Sunday school without DH most of the time. She's just not ready yet.

[vonfirmath]

As a Sunday School teacher I wouldn't like this either! I like knowing the parents of my kids, being able to find out what is going on when they are "off" etc. and drop off/pick up is the best time to put parents and kids together.

 

For this reason I am not fond when a sibling picks up, though it is allowed in our church if they have the tag to do so.

[lynn]

I'm a rebellious sort I would not be abiding by their rules. If I want to check on my children during the service I will. My children would not be locked in and I will absolutely know the SS teachers and volunteers personally. I am all for having name tags and numbers although no one ever verify's the tag and number match when I pick up dd from ss.

[shinyhappypeople]

** deleting because I may actually send this letter. Thanks for the feedback.**

Edited April 18, 2012 by shinyhappypeople

[PeacefulChaos]

I think it's a good letter! :)

[swellmomma]

Draft 1 sounds good so far though I would make it very clear the specific concerns/changes you want to see done. Right now it sounds like an eloquent complaint but with no expectation of specific changes. Offer a solution, such as keep the sign in table but no locked doors. Or Parent's drop off at the classroom but SS teachers walk all the kids out front after SS to avoid the chaos of pick up time. Offer suggestions right away rather than waiting for an invitation for input.

 

Also I would CC it to the Sr Pastor to ensure that he knows what is going on within his congregation. If you only contact the children's pastor it is easy for her to claim to the sr pastor that everyone loves the new policies etc.

[Lucy the Valiant]

I think it's a good letter, too.

 

Having been on the "sending" end of some not-well-thought-out ideas, I'd be gracious in tone and assume they mean well, but - yeah. My children would not be there until there was free access to parents 100% of the time.

 

Also, I'd list specific suggestions that would (A) help them achieve whatever they're trying to achieve (fewer disruptions? a heightened sense of security?) as well as (B) give you the freedom and security you need (because if you feel this way, I'm sure others do, too).

 

There are LOTS of other ways to get to where they want to be, ways that are acceptable to parents of the church.

Edited April 17, 2012 by Katie

[QueenCat]

Also I would CC it to the Sr Pastor to ensure that he knows what is going on within his congregation. If you only contact the children's pastor it is easy for her to claim to the sr pastor that everyone loves the new policies etc.

 

:iagree:Excellent idea!

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

 

I would address it in our farewell letter. There is absolutely no way I would be ok with any organization whose leaders could make such bad decisions, whether they choose to correct them in response to complaints or not.

 

:iagree:

[shinyhappypeople]

I think it's over. I just found out something about the director. Suddenly it ALL makes sense. The lack of communication until after the decision has been made. The patronizing "It's all for your DD's own good" (while refusing to elaborate further) in response to my questions. Locking parents out of both the decision-making and the day-to-day (well, weekly) operations. She's running the children's department like it's a public school, because that's her day job. She's a public school teacher. Heaven help me, I feel like I can't win that fight. (That's not a bash on all PS teachers. But, it is disheartening to the nth degree to see her not be able to separate running a classroom from running a church ministry. They're NOT the same thing.)

[Word Nerd]

Nt

Edited April 18, 2012 by WordGirl
Only read first page.

[Jpoy85]

well usually a church has a pastor and also a committee. I would go to the pastor and ask how to talk to the people on that committee. get AS MANY concerned parents on this issue as POSSIBLE to go to the committee.

 

In our Methodist church, this is how its done. You go to the committee/leadership team.