If you wear perfume to church...

[plansrme]

STOP IT. There is no excuse, absolutely none, for imposing your scent on fellow church-goers. My family and I moved seats THREE times, which means we sat in four different spots, on Easter morning. I was so peeved after we'd been chased out of the third spot that I could not focus on the sermon. I just sat there pondering whether the ladies who reeked of perfume were selfish or just thoughtless.

 

On a typical Sunday morning, we sit in the less-populated balcony solely to avoid perfume, as most perfume makes two of my children sneeze and sniffle so much that they have to leave the service. When one of my daughters was younger, the perfume also could trigger her asthma. With the extra crowd at Easter, more people sat near us, and we ended up playing musical pews to avoid their perfumes.

 

You know what? If you don't reek of body odor, NO ONE CARES how you smell, especially the people sitting behind you in church.

 

Vent over.

 

Terri

[Butter]

Yes, yes, yes!!!

 

I had to leave the women's meeting and go sit in the foyer a couple weeks ago because of someone's perfume. That means I totally missed the lesson in there since there is nowhere to sit and still hear it. I got so sick from it, I actually thought I was going to throw up which is why I finally got up and left. It took a while for my sinuses to drain and the headache to go away. Luckily the nausea went away pretty soon after I left the room and got away from the perfume. (And all that was ON allergy medicine!) Yesterday my husband and daughter both ended up with nasty headaches from someone's (a different person's) perfume. It's really not a pleasant experience to get sick at church because people are wearing perfume. Most of the time it's not a big deal for my family, but in the spring the allergen load just gets so high we can't handle it. One time, last spring, my now-5-year-olds eyes swelled shut because of a reaction to someone's perfume. I am quite sure the people wearing the perfume never even realize that their perfume can cause so many problems for people. Unfortunately, being asked not to wear it rather offends them or they figure it doesn't mean them. So we continue to suffer and just deal with it.

[melissad2]

I have horrible allergies and certain perfumes really get me going. I absolutely hate to get on the elevator at work (in a hospital) and smell perfume. Hello people!!!!!!! Your sick relatives/friends don't want to smell perfume...it makes them want to puke!

[Lizzie in Ma]

The men are just as bad with theirs, I can't stand it.

It is spray and walk through people, you don't bathe in the stuff!!

[hana]

Has your church considered a scent-free area? Fully 1/4 of our sanctuary is scent-free so that there is a wide zone of protection for those who need it.

[plansrme]

I am quite sure the people wearing the perfume never even realize that their perfume can cause so many problems for people. Unfortunately, being asked not to wear it rather offends them or they figure it doesn't mean them. So we continue to suffer and just deal with it.

 

I have admit that, every time we moved on Sunday, I said "perfume" louder as I instructed the family to collect their things and move. I like to think that people would want to know that their perfume is causing us discomfort, but you're probably right--they don't want to know.

 

Terri

[mamakimberly]

Ugh! I know!

 

We actually left church last spring once because we walked in and the entire sanctuary smelled like a perfume bomb had been let off. I had a full-blown migraine creeping in before we left and was miserable for a solid 36 hours afterwards. I was only in the building for 3 or 4 minutes!

 

I truly think people don't know how much it physically hurts those who are sensitive to it. It isn't a personal preference thing... it's a health thing.

 

Well, I guess it is my personal preference not to have agonizing pain. So yeah, personal preference.

[athena1277]

I feel your pain! My dh is super sensitive to smells. I can't tell you how many times we have had to leave in the middle of services because he got sick from the smells. We actually switched churches a few months ago because the smells were so bad where we were going.

[Twigs]

STOP IT. There is no excuse, absolutely none, for imposing your scent on fellow church-goers. …

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[plansrme]

Well, I guess it is my personal preference not to have agonizing pain. So yeah, personal preference.

 

You're such a diva. ;)

 

Terri

[clarkacademy]

I have never understood the need for anyone to bathe in it. My mother taught me when I was a young teen that perfume was something you put on lightly so that your husband or such gets the whiff when you are close. Something along those lines anyway.

 

What is up with people who put it on their clothes too? I would never do such stuff.

[melissad2]

It's kind of like 2nd hand cigarette smoke huh? There is no escaping it...even in the non-smoking section.

[Lolly]

We solved the problem. We no longer attend.:tongue_smilie:

[Jinmi]

:iagree::iagree: We've had to actually leave church several times because it has affected my ds so much.

[ktgrok]

well, as someone that probably has worn perfume to church on occasion, I apologize. I don't over use it, one spritz only, and I guess I never thought that normal amounts of scent would be painful to others. I don't wear it now, mainly as I don't own any. I do use scented body lotion sometimes....is that as bad?

[ktgrok]

I do think though, that sitting in church you might want to be less judgemental. Give people the benefit of the doubt. I really don't think they put on perfume thinking it would hurt someone.

[CupOCoffee]

well, as someone that probably has worn perfume to church on occasion, I apologize. I don't over use it, one spritz only, and I guess I never thought that normal amounts of scent would be painful to others. I don't wear it now, mainly as I don't own any. I do use scented body lotion sometimes....is that as bad?

 

I do think though, that sitting in church you might want to be less judgemental. Give people the benefit of the doubt. I really don't think they put on perfume thinking it would hurt someone.

 

:iagree: as someone who also does not wear perfume, but uses scented body lotion...

 

I think most ppl are kind of oblivious that their scent carries so far; I know I am. My DH will often say to me "wo, you over did it" when I think I've barely put any on.

 

And I suppose, in a service like Easter, there's just a lot more than normal? I don't think anyone intends to offend with their scent.

 

~coffee~

[4everHis]

I do think though, that sitting in church you might want to be less judgemental. Give people the benefit of the doubt. I really don't think they put on perfume thinking it would hurt someone.

 

:iagree:

[plansrme]

I really don't think they put on perfume thinking it would hurt someone.

 

And that is exactly the point of this post. So now you all know and will resolve to do better. Right?

 

Terri

[melissad2]

I actually avoid the makeup dept in most stores because it is so offensive to me. Also there are some stores that spray "their signature scent" all over the place. I refuse to go in Hollister because of this.

[PrincessMommy]

STOP IT. There is no excuse, absolutely none, for imposing your scent on fellow church-goers. My family and I moved seats THREE times, which means we sat in four different spots, on Easter morning. I was so peeved after we'd been chased out of the third spot that I could not focus on the sermon. I just sat there pondering whether the ladies who reeked of perfume were selfish or just thoughtless.

 

On a typical Sunday morning, we sit in the less-populated balcony solely to avoid perfume, as most perfume makes two of my children sneeze and sniffle so much that they have to leave the service. When one of my daughters was younger, the perfume also could trigger her asthma. With the extra crowd at Easter, more people sat near us, and we ended up playing musical pews to avoid their perfumes.

 

You know what? If you don't reek of body odor, NO ONE CARES how you smell, especially the people sitting behind you in church.

 

Vent over.

 

Terri

 

I agree. As I've gotten older I've found that strong perfume (can anyone wear perfume delicately??!!??) gives me a headache.

[hana]

And that is exactly the point of this post. So now you all know and will resolve to do better. Right?

 

Terri

 

But telling us does little to help in YOUR church. As I wrote before, you really might consider requesting a scent-free area in your church.

[Butter]

well, as someone that probably has worn perfume to church on occasion, I apologize. I don't over use it, one spritz only, and I guess I never thought that normal amounts of scent would be painful to others. I don't wear it now, mainly as I don't own any. I do use scented body lotion sometimes....is that as bad?

 

Usually a little bit isn't bad at all. Usually scented body lotion isn't an issue either. Pretty much if I have to be pretty close to you to smell it, no problem at all. It's the ones where they are across the room and yet I can clearly smell their perfume that are just too much. Sometimes, though, even a light spritz can cause a problem just because I am super allergic to it for some reason. That's more of an issue for my husband because he is very highly allergic to honeysuckle and that is in some floral perfumes.

 

I've got to say, I really appreciate people who never even think about perfume causing problems in others but are willing to stop wearing it in certain places or find out just how much/what causes the reactions. You can't know it's a problem unless you've been told after all! It's the people who, when an announcement is made about scents causing illness in people with allergies, continue to wear the perfume because they don't think it's theirs, or they become angry that someone would even insinuate that their perfume is a problem. It's really not our fault that we have allergies. It's nothing against the wearer. We really can't help it.

[Parrothead]

But telling us does little to help in YOUR church. As I wrote before, you really might consider requesting a scent-free area in your church.

Nicely. Seriously the the OP is rude enough to make me continue out of spite.

[Harriet Vane]

Has your church considered a scent-free area? Fully 1/4 of our sanctuary is scent-free so that there is a wide zone of protection for those who need it.

 

:iagree:

[lea1]

I can't stand it either. At the Tulsa mall, there is one store that must have some sort of scent spraying all the time. It is so strong, I have to cross over to the other side of the huge walkway (in front of the store) to walk by and then I still have to put my shirt over my nose. It is really obnoxious.

 

I once gave some perfume to a good friend of mine because I could not stand the scent (some scents bother me a lot more than others and I think it must have been a gift). I explained to her why I was giving it to her and she was happy to receive it. The next Sunday, she wore it to church and we always sat next to each other.:tongue_smilie: I nicely reminded her of why I gave it to her.

[mytwomonkeys]

i wish the anti-deodorant folks would get the same memo.

[plansrme]

Nicely. Seriously the the OP is rude enough to make me continue out of spite.

 

Wow. That's really nice. You are spiteful enough to wear perfume even when you know it causes other children discomfort? Impressive.

 

Terri

[elegantlion]

I really don't think they put on perfume thinking it would hurt someone.

 

I think Easter is probably worse, as people want to put on their nicest clothes. People who might not attend on a regular basis are there. Older people lose their sense of smell.

 

I had a asthma attack over scented soap not too long ago. My parents came up the next day. They're in their 70s, my mom's sense of smell has waned. I asked her not to wear perfume. She was clueless that it could cause issues, but obliged. She hasn't worn it around me since.

 

There have been so many new allergies and sensitivities in my lifetime, I think some people are just ignorant of them. I had no idea how prevalent peanut butter allergies were (or how dangerous they can be) until a few years ago. I've also developed allergies I've never had before.

[Parrothead]

Wow. That's really nice. You are spiteful enough to wear perfume even when you know it causes other children discomfort? Impressive.

 

Terri

When I'm being yelled at for it. Sure. I wouldn't expect anyone to take me seriously when I'm ranting and raving.

[Word Nerd]

Nicely. Seriously the the OP is rude enough to make me continue out of spite.

 

:iagree: I don't even wear perfume, but I completely understand the sentiment.

 

I would roll my eyes if I saw someone at church passive aggressively say "PERFUME" and move away from me in a snit instead of directly addressing the problem.

[Cinder]

Pretty much if I have to be pretty close to you to smell it, no problem at all. It's the ones where they are across the room and yet I can clearly smell their perfume that are just too much.

 

This is how it is for me. Thankfully we don't have heavy scenters :tongue_smilie: at our church. But the other day I started getting a headache when I was grocery shopping. There was a guy you could smell (cologne) a couple aisles over. Not kidding. I found myself in the same aisle at one point and I had to hold my breath while I quickly grabbed what I needed and proceeded to the other side of the store.

 

But the one scent that gives me an instant headache every time is Sure deodorant. I didn't think they made that anymore but one day at Chick-fil-a a couple sat in the booth next to ours and I got a whiff of Sure and sure enough (pun intended :D) I got a headache that lasted for several hours. Not sure (ok, ha ha) what it is about Sure that does it to me. Must be a particular ingredient in the fragrance.

[katiejane]

We have quite a few people at church that are sensitive to perfumes. I never wear it and have told my girls not to as well. I get it. :grouphug:

[Parrothead]

:iagree: And I don't even wear perfume!

 

I would roll my eyes if I saw someone at church passive aggressively say "PERFUME" and move away from me in a snit instead of directly addressing the problem.

Or come to a message board and start yelling at people instead of intelligently informing them of the situation.

[plansrme]

:iagree: I don't even wear perfume, but I completely understand the sentiment.

 

I would roll my eyes if I saw someone at church passive aggressively say "PERFUME" and move away from me in a snit instead of directly addressing the problem.

 

So next time, I should ask the offenders to leave the service and wash up? Should I hand out wipes? Unscented soap and warm wash cloths? Just wondering what you think the appropriate "direct" response should be. Should we have just stayed there and sneezed and sniffled through the service, possibly whipped out an inhaler when necessary? I certainly don't want to offend anyone whose scent has polluted my air space, so please let me know what I should have done.

 

Terri

[stripe]

And that is exactly the point of this post. So now you all know and will resolve to do better. Right?

 

Terri

Wow. I guess this is a consequence of the internet. Instead of dealing with the people who actually did something that bothered you, some segment of people in a totally different environment are yelled at, and then yelled at again for not obeying the requests of someone they don't know and probably will never meet.

 

It would be much more productive to be less accusatory towards the rest of us AND to deal with the actual environment that causes you problems.

 

Environment really does matter. Customs vary. Dealing with people whose behavior actually causes you problems is much more helpful than public statements that one imagines are reaching the entire universe, which they do not. Also generally more effective are requesting rather than "venting" and "ranting," which only allows the speaker to dump their opinions on others and then scream if anyone else speaks at all.

 

Since you are unsure of how to handle this, and you perceive it as a widespread problem, I think addressing the church leadership would be appropriate. You have no right to tell someone to leave their worshiping because you don't like their odor.

 

There is not only one way, people.

[mamakimberly]

It isn't like this is an uncommon thing, though! And I found the OP's wording to be a humor-laced vent at a common issue that most people are aware of.

 

I have always been smell-sensitive and prone to get migraines from strong perfumes.

 

I can't even use scented lotion on my hands or just the smell of them on my hands will give me a migraine.

 

And no, I don't mean a headache- I mean a real, honest-to-God migraine that knocks me out of life for a day or two.

 

I found it humorous when we were at a staff development while living overseas. There was a discussion of cultural differences and someone brought up that Americans are slathered in too much scented product. The Brits, Aussies, Chinese, and Koreans in the room all agreed that Americans use far too many scented products and smell far too strongly because of it.

 

I started paying attention after that and realized that if a Korean friend was wearing perfume I could only smell it if I was sitting a few inches from her or hugging her or something. My American friends smelled so strong I could smell them several feet away.

[PrairieSong]

I often wear one spritz of a citrus-scented body spray. It would never occur to me to not wear cologne because of someone else's allergies. Church wouldn't be the only place this might be an issue. Someone mentioned being bothered in a store and getting a headache. Are we expected to not wear cologne, scented deodorant, etc., whenever we go into a public place?

[ReneTL]

One member of our small church is very sensitive to scents from perfumes, candles, etc. and opts to wear a surgical mask during the service. That might be an option.

 

Rene

[ReneTL]

And sometimes it's not the perfume, but the scented laundry detergent. We got some hand-me-downs from people that use scented detergent and I know it took 15 or 20 washes to get the smell out.

 

Rene

[kitten18]

Nicely. Seriously the the OP is rude enough to make me continue out of spite.

 

When I'm being yelled at for it. Sure. I wouldn't expect anyone to take me seriously when I'm ranting and raving.

I completely agree.

[mamakimberly]

I often wear one spritz of a citrus-scented body spray. It would never occur to me to not wear cologne because of someone else's allergies. Church wouldn't be the only place this might be an issue. Someone mentioned being bothered in a store and getting a headache. Are we expected to not wear cologne, scented deodorant, etc., whenever we go into a public place?

 

I can't answer for everyone, but for me it is not an issue unless we are sitting next to each other or in other close contact. So in a restaurant, unless you're at my table, I don't care. If you're shopping in Target, no problem. I do avoid the perfume sections of stores and will not shop at a specific JC Penney by our house that has a huge Sephora you have to walk through to get to the Penney's section. I always get sprayed by the overly aggressive perfume girls- not worth the risk.

 

 

I don't begrudge anyone the right to wear scented products. I just won't be sitting near you.

 

One spritz of a citrus-scented body spray would not bother me, probably not even if you were sitting on my lap! ;)

[Heather in Neverland]

So next time, I should ask the offenders to leave the service and wash up? Should I hand out wipes? Unscented soap and warm wash cloths? Just wondering what you think the appropriate "direct" response should be. Should we have just stayed there and sneezed and sniffled through the service, possibly whipped out an inhaler when necessary? I certainly don't want to offend anyone whose scent has polluted my air space, so please let me know what I should have done.

 

Terri

 

Well my momma always said you get more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.

 

I understand allergies. But the original post was way over the top. People aren't out to get you with their perfume. Wearing perfume is socially acceptable. You have the allergy.

 

Fluorescent lighting gives me migraines. Should I stomp into every store, church, school or public facility of any kind that has fluorescent lighting and rant and rave and accuse them of being insensitive to my migraines? No. Fluorescent lighting is common. I am the one with the problem so I cope with it or I don't go to those places.

 

Your pastor may very well be willing to establish a no perfume zone but I sincerely hope you ask in a much nicer way than how you presented it here.

 

 

 

 

.

[mommaduck]

So next time, I should ask the offenders to leave the service and wash up? Should I hand out wipes? Unscented soap and warm wash cloths? Just wondering what you think the appropriate "direct" response should be. Should we have just stayed there and sneezed and sniffled through the service, possibly whipped out an inhaler when necessary? I certainly don't want to offend anyone whose scent has polluted my air space, so please let me know what I should have done.

 

Terri

Maybe leave quietly or move to the back quietly. Later, call the pastor/priest and speak with them about the situation. They might be able to either mention or place in the bulletin something about chemically sensitive people.

 

The fact is, elderly women (typically the main offenders) are losing their scent of smell and put on more, or they were of the era that taught "layering" perfume (lotion, powder, perfume all of the same scent). You also have those the sell cosmetics and hope someone will ask about their perfume. Some people simply are not aware of those that are more sensitive.

 

I have had issues with it while pregnant. I'm not going to go head to head with people. If someone asked me, I would say that I'm morning sick and some of the perfume in the sanctuary triggered me. Simple, factual, non-aggressive towards any particular person. We used to go to a church where one new family (the teen girls and the mother) would spray the neutra-air EVERY TIME they went in the bathroom! I'm not asthmatic and I couldn't breathe from it! I spoke with the custodian and we got another type of spray into the bathroom. Then everytime I saw it out or smelled it overused, I would go and hide it. It would eventually be found, but it spared several people from issues and prevented confrontation with a family that was known to be pretty nasty about any type of criticism.

 

btw, I'm a bit offended by the "no deodorant" comment. There are people that have health conditions or sweat so badly that will stink even while wearing deodorant. It's an embarrassing condition. For the rest, if you wash often enough, you don't need deodorant. There are very legitimate health reasons not to wear deodorant. In fact, some people use the perfumed sprays to avoid deodorant (they sell these sprays in the deodorant aisle, by the deodorant companies). I rarely wear deodorant. I've had my armpit swell and seep from it. I guess that would be better than standing next to me without deodorant, right?

Edited April 9, 2012 by mommaduck

[TeacherZee]

Well my momma always said you get more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.

 

I understand allergies. But the original post was way over the top. People aren't out to get you with their perfume. Wearing perfume is socially acceptable. You have the allergy.

 

Fluorescent lighting gives me migraines. Should I stomp into every store, church, school or public facility of any kind that has fluorescent lighting and rant and rave and accuse them of being insensitive to my migraines? No. Fluorescent lighting is common. I am the one with the problem so I cope with it or I don't go to those places.

 

Your pastor may very well be willing to establish a no perfume zone but I sincerely hope you ask in a much nicer way than how you presented it here.

 

.

 

I get migraines too. They are nasty. The OPs allergies might not be severe but I've had a student at the school I work nearly die from someone wearing perfume. Yes OPs reaction might be bad but it is a real problem and I think that we need to talk about this more.

[ezrabean2005]

I take headache medicine when I know a strong perfume will trigger a migraine. I know this about myself so I take responsibility for it. If it is a member of my family (DD!), I'll gently let her know. But a stranger? No way.

[plansrme]

I often wear one spritz of a citrus-scented body spray. It would never occur to me to not wear cologne because of someone else's allergies. Church wouldn't be the only place this might be an issue. Someone mentioned being bothered in a store and getting a headache. Are we expected to not wear cologne, scented deodorant, etc., whenever we go into a public place?

 

I think there is a big difference in being forced to sit next to someone for 1.5 hours and getting a whiff as you walk by in Target.

 

One member of our small church is very sensitive to scents from perfumes, candles, etc. and opts to wear a surgical mask during the service. That might be an option.

 

Rene

 

Seriously? My kids should have to wear surgical masks in church?

 

I have to say that this has been an eye-opening thread. I stand by my original post, though--there is no excuse for wearing strong perfume in church. If you are doing so knowing that it bothers other people, that is rude and inconsiderate, and you deserve to be called on it; if you are doing it out of ignorance, well, now you know.

 

Terri

[pdalley]

I can't walk down the soap aisle at the store or through a perfume area in a store without being unable to breathe.

 

Many people at our church have these types of allergies. I think it's become quite common. I quit wearing scent and if I do have it on I will warn friends that I know have a sensitivity to it before they hug me. There are people who take a bath in the stuff. There has to be a happy medium somewhere.

 

When you watch one of your best friends struggle to breathe while the rest of you find her asthma inhaler when she gets a whiff of someone who apparently dumped a whole bottle of perfume on before she got to church it gives you a different perspective. I've never been around anything scarier. She turned blue before my eyes.

[PrairieSong]

Well my momma always said you get more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.

 

I understand allergies. But the original post was way over the top. People aren't out to get you with their perfume. Wearing perfume is socially acceptable. You have the allergy.

 

Fluorescent lighting gives me migraines. Should I stomp into every store, church, school or public facility of any kind that has fluorescent lighting and rant and rave and accuse them of being insensitive to my migraines? No. Fluorescent lighting is common. I am the one with the problem so I cope with it or I don't go to those places.

 

Your pastor may very well be willing to establish a no perfume zone but I sincerely hope you ask in a much nicer way than how you presented it here.

 

 

 

 

.

 

ITA with this.

[Heather in Neverland]

I

 

I found it humorous when we were at a staff development while living overseas. There was a discussion of cultural differences and someone brought up that Americans are slathered in too much scented product. The Brits, Aussies, Chinese, and Koreans in the room all agreed that Americans use far too many scented products and smell far too strongly because of it.

 

I started paying attention after that and realized that if a Korean friend was wearing perfume I could only smell it if I was sitting a few inches from her or hugging her or something. My American friends smelled so strong I could smell them several feet away.

 

I would agree that it is cultural... Like the way I have to hold my breath in a lot of places we go here because the B.O. is so strong it makes me gag. My flight from Indonesia was the most miserable experience ever. I'll take perfume over BO any day of the week.