Melissa in Australia Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 *If* I could afford it I would go. As a gift I would give the child something that would make life unhappy for the parents, like a drum set. what about a rock polisher :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 That's entirely normal in our sphere for teens and adults. Otherwise no one would be able to afford birthday parties. I'm pretty sure the invitation would say "no gifts" though! Rosie I was wondering if it was common practice here in Australia.I I am sort out of the party loop, living way in the middle of nowhere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 I have never heard of this "fad". What in the world? That is so strange. Can't afford to pay for a party of paintballing? The parents need to scale down. You entertain at the level that you can afford to treat. Period. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannah Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 Seriously???? $50 to go blows me away, just as much as people generally giving $50 cash gift. I think both are totally inappropriate. The OP did not add a denomination to the 50. I'd expect that it is Malaysian Ringgits. 50 Ringgits would be about US$16.50 Here it would be regarded as extremely tacky to ask guests to pay. In our circle we still have regular backyard parties. Or we downscale the party list if there's a special venue or event to attend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted February 18, 2012 Author Share Posted February 18, 2012 The OP did not add a denomination to the 50. I'd expect that it is Malaysian Ringgits. 50 Ringgits would be about US$16.50 . Yes that is true. But I also earn Malaysian Ringgits so RM50 is still a lot. I can take my family of 5 to dinner at Chili's for about the same amount! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 Yes that is true. But I also earn Malaysian Ringgits so RM50 is still a lot. I can take my family of 5 to dinner at Chili's for about the same amount! Ok, I am wrapping my head around Chili's in Malaysia. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sewingmama Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 They are expats as well from Australia Well that explains it then ;) Things here cost a LOT of money - although it is not common it is also not unheard of for people to ask for a contribution towards the cost of a party like that because it is so huge. The invite comes with the expectation that not everyone will attend due to the cost and those that do won't grumble about it :D Most people here understand the cost of things and are happy enough to pay if they want to go or to decline guilt free. I think expecting a present on top is a bit much - the usual protocol is if you pay for party costs then a gift is not included -that IS the gift. They are Aussies - they won't be offended if you don't bring a gift - we are laid back like that ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted February 18, 2012 Author Share Posted February 18, 2012 Ok, I am wrapping my head around Chili's in Malaysia. :001_smile: :lol: I know right? You'd be surprised. It is super modern here. Chili's, Starbucks, TGIFridays, McDonalds, Burger King. They seem to think the more "americanized" they can be, the better. :001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ester Maria Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 This is far from the standard practice, from what I know. Guests, of any kind, whatever kind of party it is, do not pay the cost of the party itself. It does not matter where it is held, the hosts are to provide for it - many teens we know have parties which do include restaurant bills, theatre tickets, or in some cases reserving entire facilities for the party (paintball facilities, hiring a private club for that evening, etc.) and the guests are never supposed to pay towards it. The entire cost of the party is on the host, always. It is actually against common etiquette to require from the guests to pay for anything. Even when our acquaintances reserved an entire club for their (older) teenage daughter's birthday, not only were the guests not paying the standard entrance fees (there was a list and they would enter for free), they were also not paying for anything they consumed, either (and the parents put a limit on drinks and provided for outside food), and they most certainly did not donate any money towards the reservation of the club, which was a hefty sum. If you cannot pay for it, you do not host it. As simple as that. You never assume your guests are going to pay. If you cannot afford ensuring all the cost of the party is covered for all guests, you set up for a more modest party which does not include going-outs, reserving facilities and whatnot. Ridiculous. I thought it was a common knowledge that a party like that is not an excuse to *get* things, but something where you principally *give*. Few people end up "profitting" for the parties they throw, because gifts are pretty symbolic at that stage amongst kids, so celebrating a birthday is always viewed as a financial investment, something where you will lose money. So in my mind it goes without saying that, yes, if I organize a party, I can do whatever I please, but the cost is on me. I would let my child attend and I would not mention anything to anyone, but personally, I would think the whole thing was arranged in extremely poor taste. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindy in C-ville Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 In one word, ridiculous. Good grief! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
runmiarun Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 You buy $50 birthday gifts for friends? I don't spend that much on my husband! My birthday is coming up... friend. :D :lol::lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quiver0f10 Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 (edited) , Edited February 20, 2012 by Quiver0f10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyinTN Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 To me that's just crazy. If I can't afford to pay for everyone..we don't do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
River notes Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 I know how you feel. It is tacky! A long time ago, I was invited to an adult surprise birthday party and at the end they told me I owed them 10.00 for the food. The kicker was that I bought my own food and I sat in the corner of the otherside of the birthday party because they couldn't make room for me. sorry for the rant, it brought back an ugly memory. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shellers Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 Well this is new to me! I can't imagine having to pay to attend a birthday party and having to buy a gift too. My kids would skip this party. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 I find it interesting how much peer pressure affects adults. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadeOrchidSong Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 I find it interesting how much peer pressure affects adults. :iagree::iagree::iagree: Why should we let the expectation of the next generation (them being disappointment if they are not able to attend THEIR BEST friend's party) or OTHER parents dictate how we live our life???? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarreymere Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 My granddaughter attends public school here in PA and she has brought home a few birthday party invites that involved things like ice skating and swimming at the local rec center, and the guest is expected to pay the entrance fee to get into the facility......and those fees are pretty modest, like three dollars or so per kid. Which makes it even worse, IMHO. We've been bucking the trend for years with birthday parties in our immediate family. We insist on only homemade birthday cake at home after a family dinner (family being the people who normally have dinner at the house and not adult siblings and all the cousins). Very low key, and one or two presents. But even the adult kids are irritated with us about it and do big productions for the grandkids........... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 That's what I hate the most about this. It is his best friend. He will be crushed if he can't go. So now this mom has put ME in a bad spot. I either fork out the cash or I disappoint my kid. So either way I lose. :glare: Here's the gift: An Evening at the Movies! Make a clever card and include current movie listings. Make it clear that the friend buys his own ticket. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 (edited) *If* I could afford it I would go. As a gift I would give the child something that would make life unhappy for the parents, like a drum set. Or a rock tumbler. :lol: ETA: someone beat to the rock tumbler :-( (read EVERYTHING before posting) Hey, has Ellie seen this thread? I think she'd pop a gasket over an invitation like this! Edited February 18, 2012 by KungFuPanda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 what about a rock polisher :D :lol: perfect! I'm amazed how many of you have received similar invitations. :001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamakim Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 I have never heard of this "fad". What in the world? That is so strange. Can't afford to pay for a party of paintballing? The parents need to scale down. You entertain at the level that you can afford to treat. Period. :iagree: Our children don't have lavish birthday celebrations because we don't have the money to throw them. What is hard about this? Why on earth would I want to teach my children that they're entitled to stuff they can't afford, and that they can attain that stuff by having others pay for it :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 But it would be all ok any other day of the year, right? Then it would be just "catching up" rather than a party? Rosie, representing the uncouth nation of Australia. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greenmama2 Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 I was wondering if it was common practice here in Australia.I I am sort out of the party loop, living way in the middle of nowhere. I wouldn't say it's common practice but it does seem more common than it should be. We've been invited to a few playcentre parties and it's about a 50% split whether the host has paid or asked us to pay. However only one family has planned a party at a paid venue without first sending an email around to the parents of possible invitees checking if the minded paying for entry. I resented just being expected to pay. I wouldn't be forking out $50 for entry, that's insane! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 But it would be all ok any other day of the year, right? Then it would be just "catching up" rather than a party? Rosie, representing the uncouth nation of Australia. :tongue_smilie: I'm pretty sure your ancestors got sent there BECAUSE the sent tacky party invitations. You have no credibility in this discussion :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greenmama2 Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 But it would be all ok any other day of the year, right? Then it would be just "catching up" rather than a party? Rosie, representing the uncouth nation of Australia. :tongue_smilie: I don't know about you, but "just catching up" doesn't usually happen somewhere with $50 entry. If it did, it probably involved a lot of back and forth negotiation until all parties agreed openly on an activity. I would never plan a party and expect guests to pay. Perhaps that makes me unAustralian? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
River notes Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 :iagree: Our children don't have lavish birthday celebrations because we don't have the money to throw them. What is hard about this? Why on earth would I want to teach my children that they're entitled to stuff they can't afford, and that they can attain that stuff by having others pay for it :confused: :iagree: We don't have lavish birthday parties due to the same reason. Our children birthday parties were usally just family oriented. One year I did bring in cupcakes to share at story time, but that was the most we could do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 I don't know about you, but "just catching up" doesn't usually happen somewhere with $50 entry. If it did, it probably involved a lot of back and forth negotiation until all parties agreed openly on an activity. Our kids are small yet. I've never heard of anyone expecting guests to pay for small kids' parties, only for teens and adults (but not 18ths or 21sts, I don't think.) But I can't remember the last time any of us went to a party anyway. $50 just for entry to "catch up" would be ridiculous, I agree, but celebrations are supposed to be a bit more than your usual weekend routine, aren't they? (I wouldn't do this myself, but I wouldn't start a ranting thread about someone else doing it. I might think they didn't really want me to come, though. :lol:) I would never plan a party and expect guests to pay. Perhaps that makes me unAustralian? Fair dinkum :lol: Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 I'm pretty sure your ancestors got sent there BECAUSE the sent tacky party invitations. You have no credibility in this discussion :D :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virg Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 :iagree:We don't have lavish birthday parties due to the same reason. Our children birthday parties were usally just family oriented. One year I did bring in cupcakes to share at story time, but that was the most we could do. :iagree: We always have parties at our house with a cake and a few snacks BECAUSE we can't afford to pay for everyone to go to a party. I have told the kids several times when they have asked for a party at a certain place, well you can but the fun time with your friends would be your present. Every time they have said oh well we have fun at our house too, let's do that. My children are little capitalists :lol: Fun for three hours < presents we can play with for days, weeks, or maybe even months Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 You know, DH and I were talking about the place where we took DS8 for his party a few weeks ago - we did laser tag. They had party packages and stuff available, but it was ridiculously expensive (as most are), yet it was a better deal than just playing one game. One game for us, our two DS and two of DS8s friends was $51 ($12.50/pp). For parties, they offer two games + two return tickets per guest for $16/pp, but you have to have like 8-10 people (if I remember correctly), which we didn't, and wouldn't have been able to have anyway. Anyway, we were discussing it and had thought that maybe in the future it could be something fun for a birthday or something, just coming with friends and doing it that way - but the kids would potentially have to pay their way. I'm thinking tween+ years when, to me, that's what these things are - not necessarily 'birthday parties' so much as just getting together with friends and doing something fun. No birthday cake, no presents, etc. Would that be equally tacky? I guess I thought it wouldn't be such a big deal... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mabelen Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 Well, in the UK, the tradition is for the birthday person to go down the pub with friends and get invited to drinks from them. In Spain, it's the other way round (and not in a pub, of course). So cultural differences do exist in how celebrations are conducted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 My dd invited some friends to join us for pizza on her birthday after Mock Trial. All the kids brought money with them expecting to pay for their own. Maybe it is a change since outings are becoming more expensive but the kids like to get together to enjoy them. I'm too old to change, we paid for the pizza. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannah C. Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 Wait..they invited you to a party and never once mentioned that the people who came would have to pay for themselves?! That seems rather odd. I have paid my own way for friends' parties - in high school and college years, when the parties were arranged by the teens/young adults whose birthday it was. These also were not traditional "parties" - they were "let's go somewhere in honor of x's birthday" parties. Plus, *everyone* knew beforehand what the deal was. I don't have a problem with that. I would have a pretty big problem with the situation described in the OP. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sewingmama Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 Rosie, representing the uncouth nation of Australia. :tongue_smilie: Don't worry - I've got your back Rosie :thumbup: I had my guests pay a small covercharge for my 21st. I payed for the venue and drinks and cake but the venue still wanted a small covercharge for each person. So I spread the word around and 50 people still showed up - not one of them grumped about having to pay to get in - some even bought me gifts on top of it (not expected of course) :cheers2: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vanna Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 My ds 13yo is going to a birthday party today for his friend. It is at a paintball facility. I just found out last night that the cost is 50 per kid! First, I have never been charged for attendance at a birthday party before. Second, we are still supposed to bring a gift and most teen parties here do cash gifts and the typical going rate is 50. So this party is now going to cost me 100. :glare: Fine. Whatever. I just think if you are going to throw a party for your child you should either pick a place you can afford or suck it up and pay it. To charge my child to attend plus gift is ridiculous. Last year my ds wanted the paintball party too. We told him he can have the party (which we would pay for) OR he could have nice gift from us, but not both. I guess I am just old-fashioned but all these new birthday party, engagement party, wedding trends just seem tacky to me. . Eeee-gats! I hope this doesn't catch on. I think it's ridiculous that you are being "charged" to attend a kid's party. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2denj Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 We would not be attending. I have never heard of such a thing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 *If* I could afford it I would go. As a gift I would give the child something that would make life unhappy for the parents, like a drum set. I like the way you think!!! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 Well, all I know is that the next time I'm in the mood to throw a really fancy, expensive party, I'm having it in Australia. ;) That way, it won't cost me anything and I'll get some lovely gifts and a very nice vacation, as well. (Someone remind me to write on the invitations that all of the guests will be chipping in to pay for my airfare and hotel costs, in addition to springing for their own food and entertainment at the party, and of course, my lovely gifts. I can't forget to do that.) My party is going to put that whole "paintball and 50 bucks" thing to shame. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teachin'Mine Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 That's what I hate the most about this. It is his best friend. He will be crushed if he can't go. So now this mom has put ME in a bad spot. I either fork out the cash or I disappoint my kid. So either way I lose. :glare: Incredibly tacky. But being it's his best friend, and it's not his fault his parents set it up that way, could your son talk to him and explain that he was given 50 as a gift, but he can't afford another 50 to go. Then leave it up to his friend whether he'd prefer the 50 as a gift, or for his best friend to be there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 I guess I am just old-fashioned but all these new birthday party, engagement party, wedding trends just seem tacky to me. . :iagree: Some very, very tacky stuff is passing for parties these days. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 Rosie, representing the uncouth nation of Australia. :tongue_smilie: :lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 I'm pretty sure your ancestors got sent there BECAUSE the sent tacky party invitations. You have no credibility in this discussion :D :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dayle in Guatemala Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 It's the same here. It's been a bit of culture shock for us as well! My kids have paid for most of the birthday party activities for themselves (a few american families have paid for the activities for the party guests) and we have also been given a list of food to bring for the party as well.:001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 (edited) Would you spend $50 for your kid to play paintball? Would you spend $50 on a your kid's friend's present? If yes, then just do it and don't worry about whether it's tacky. Remember, this is about the boy and celebrating his birthday, not about the manners of the parents. IOW, don't punish the kids just because you think the parents are oafs. If you can't afford to do both, then spend the $50 for the paintball and give the boy a nice card. Your son's presence at the paintball will be his friend's present. Tara Edited February 20, 2012 by TaraTheLiberator typo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vanna Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 It's the same here. It's been a bit of culture shock for us as well! My kids have paid for most of the birthday party activities for themselves (a few american families have paid for the activities for the party guests) and we have also been given a list of food to bring for the party as well.:001_huh: Given a list of food to bring (unsolicited???) wow. wow. wow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bootsie Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 I don't even like being invited to a tupperware "party." I don't feel like I am a guest at a party when the purpose is to sell me something. I did get an invitation to a birthday party for a woman who is turning 54. I got to the bottom of the invitation and the invitation read that I was to bring a birthday gift--a $54 contribution to her upcoming political campaign. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 I did get an invitation to a birthday party for a woman who is turning 54. I got to the bottom of the invitation and the invitation read that I was to bring a birthday gift--a $54 contribution to her upcoming political campaign. Not only would she not be getting my $54 "gift," she wouldn't be getting my vote, either. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
love2read Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 It's not happening in our town and if it did, we would send our regrets. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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