S/O spouse traveling

[UnsinkableKristen]

We have been married almost 20 years now. Since day one if he had to travel for business-short or extended I supported it. I may not have always been happy about it but I never made his life difficult or unpleasant because of it. It was a requirement of his job. He did the travel and when it reached levels he didn't like he looked for other employment. If the alternative was possible loss of job/opportunities then I rolled with it.

 

:iagree: Except we've been married for 10 years.

 

Neither one of us likes being apart, and he travels as little as he can, but it is a necessary part of his job. We muddle through with good attitudes. However, if it were up to us, we would spend pretty much all of our time together. That is my favorite part of him working from home! :001_smile:

[Momof3littles]

DH travels for work periodically. His trips are usually 3-7 days. There are 10 day trips needed but he hasn't had to go on one that long as of yet. We've been married for 10 years and neither of us particularly enjoys it. It is part of his job and we do try to roll with it as much as possible. His employer offers comp time and is rather flexible overall, so that makes it easier to swallow. I have three young kids (8, 5, and almost 2) so it is just a tough season of life to not have help. When we lived near my parents, I could count on them for relief. Where we live now, I do not have a regular babysitter or any family to help, so I find it challenging. I get into a decent groove with everything, but certain things are difficult like timing bedtime for the youngest with letting the dog out (sometimes my cosleeping little one will wake up if I leave the room to let the dog out). We have had frequent bouts of illness while DH is traveling. He just got back from a trip and while he was away my youngest had a high fever, was clingy, whiny, disagreeable, and pretty lethargic. It made it hard to keep up with wash, cleaning up after everyone, etc.

 

His company is supportive of spouses and children traveling with the employee, but we can't afford the airfare most places for 5 of us. We have taken trips with DH when driving was an option. My youngest is still nursing, so I can't leave the kids to travel with him, but my parents have offered to come stay and watch the kids should we have the opportunity. We may do that for a week to a European city sometime, but not for another year or two at the earliest.

[Carrie12345]

My husband works long hours and can be called away for up to two weeks. Fortunately, it's usually just a couple of days. 4 weeks would put me over the edge.

 

(We've been married for 11 years.)

[nukeswife]

I think you almost needed an option that said "I'm a military spouse, that's just how life is" because I think we're skewing your poll. :tongue_smilie:

 

We'll be celebrating 15 years this June and we're on our 7th deployment. One of the was only a few months but most have been 5-8 in length plus all the workups (in and out for a week to a month at a time testing systems and running drills before the deployment that usually goes on for the 4-6 months prior to the official deployment) We even had a time where he lived in WA and we were in WI that lasted for 1.5 years and included one of the deployments. We saw him for about 3 weeks during that 1.5 years.

 

For me it's just part of life.

[LarlaB]

We've been married 15 years and DH travels on a monthly basis- gone 1 week (Monday AM-Friday PM) every 4-5 weeks to the home office (another state & time zone). We knew this would be a requirement when we chose to move away from the home office, and its ok for us- actually I enjoy it because it breaks up the routine, but I hate that its so incredibly stressful for him while he's there, plus he comes home exhausted.

 

So, I'm not sure how to answer. The monthly trips add up to a lot of time gone, but is still better than 3 straight months/extended trip.

[TheReader]

I thought of that too. I also wondered if it is a matter of being married later in life. I married dh when I was in my early 30s so I was okay with being alone before I met him.

 

That's a good point, too; we were high school sweethearts and married while he was still in college/I had just graduated. I hadn't thought of it, but I bet that influences my thoughts for sure.

[AdventureMoms]

DW and I have been together for 6 years, and in the beginning she travelled a TON. Gone for 6-8 wks, back for a couple of weeks, gone for another month or so, etc. Her work was entirely on the road. I honestly never minded it before kids, I enjoy a little time to just be alone and do my own thing.

 

However, now we have three kids under 4. Being on 24/7 duty is exhausting. Just feeding, clothing, and putting everyone to bed is exhausting many days. DW travels less now (only a few times a year, for a week or two at a time) but it is way harder on me, because I get less alone time with no one here to help me, day or night. When the kids get older I expect I'll go back to enjoying it again. I'm a very independent person by nature and an introvert, both of which play into my feelings on this. I miss her when she's gone, but it is a fun change for me too.

[Julie Smith]

Is it sad that I can't answer this poll since I'm not sure how long we have been married. :p

[jillian]

I think you almost needed an option that said "I'm a military spouse, that's just how life is" because I think we're skewing your poll. :tongue_smilie:

 

We'll be celebrating 15 years this June and we're on our 7th deployment. One of the was only a few months but most have been 5-8 in length plus all the workups (in and out for a week to a month at a time testing systems and running drills before the deployment that usually goes on for the 4-6 months prior to the official deployment) We even had a time where he lived in WA and we were in WI that lasted for 1.5 years and included one of the deployments. We saw him for about 3 weeks during that 1.5 years.

 

For me it's just part of life.

Isn't that the truth. I am almost a little nervous about when he's home every night with no chance of traveling :lol: Now he's on shore duty and home more it's weird. I'm so used to prepping for a patrol out to sea every few months.

[Susan in TN]

Dh rarely travels for work, and then it's only for a day or two. He has gone on 1-2 week long scout trips with our oldest, and it was OK. Easier to manage if it's summer and school year activities are done with, but we've managed without him. One time my parents came for a visit during a long trip and it was nice to have them here.

 

In general, I don't like it, but will deal with it if I have to.

[In the Rain]

The deployments some of you are mentioning would be too much for me. :001_huh:

 

Heavy travel is okay with me, as long as I get to see him on the weekends. :D

[hollyh]

I've been married 10-15 years and voted that I would not be ok with it. I was very surprised to see the results... I thought it was a no-brainer that it would not be ok for most everyone. I love how things like this open your eyes to who others might view things! If dh was going to be gone for a month, I and the kids would be in a hotel nearby (by both of our desires).

[Veritaserum]

Dh has gone on business trips that were up to 2-3 weeks. It was hard, but we survived and we would survive again. We've been married 13 years. I miss him, of course, but I enjoy alone time, too.

[Desert Rat]

We've been married almost 18 years and I am never okay with him being gone. He's having to travel for this job. The longest has been 12 days. I was miserable. As was he. We just need to be near each other.

[RegularMom]

RegularDad has just started needing to travel quite a bit for work. He just left yesterday for what will probably be at least a month's time away from home. I'm ambivalent about it. It's easier to do school work when he's not here, so we'll get more work done. But we all miss him a lot so it's hard. We skype as much as we can, and that helps a bit, but it's just not the same as having him here.

 

Now that we have dogs, I sleep easier when he's not here, but the dogs add quite a bit of work to my day which he's not here to help with, so I'm not sure how to feel about that either. I'm working on really simplifying our meals and evening routines. The girls have a lot of activities and usually RegularDad is here to help with the driving so I can still make a decent dinner. But now, that's all changing. My MIL comes to stay when she can so that I can still do things like go to the theater or to poetry readings and workshops and such, which is a huge help.

 

Also, I have this weird habit of piling up load after load of clean clothes on his side of the bed while he's gone, so that when I go to sleep it's like there's someone there with me. Last night I went upstairs to go to bed and when I turned on the light, there was someone sleeping in the bed already. I almost screamed my head off, but it was just my 8yo. She snuck in there at some point without my noticing her. Practically gave me a heart attack, though.

 

Sigh... I'm trying to take advantage of having more quiet evenings, for writing or whatever. RegularDad usually likes to spend the evenings together, so I don't always get time alone when he's home.

 

You make the best with what you've got is what I'm saying, I guess. The poll choices are kind of weird to me. I voted 15+ and I'm fine with the traveling. But it's not quite as if we had a choice about all this travel. He brings in the income. His boss needs him to travel. It's not exactly optional, unless he were to change careers. And this job market isn't all that great for making radical career changes right now. So we sort of "need" to be okay with it. If he didn't have to travel like this, I suppose I would sometimes "wish" he'd have to travel, because sometimes we could use a break from each other. But when you're faced with 5+ years of constant month long trips, it suddenly changes into realizing all the joy he brings to my day-to-day.

Edited February 14, 2012 by RegularMom

[Mrs Mungo]

I think you almost needed an option that said "I'm a military spouse, that's just how life is" because I think we're skewing your poll. :tongue_smilie:

<snip>

For me it's just part of life.

 

I agree. In the midst of an 8 month deployment a friend called and said, "my husband is on a business trip and I was thinking that now I understand what you go through! It's so hard with him being away!" I told her it would take me more than 4 days to realize my dh was gone and not just working late. :tongue_smilie:

[desertmum]

My husband has always made short trips for work. Last time he spent 5 months in the Gulf before we (ds and I) joined him. I understand that dh travels because he has to, he is not going on a holiday.

[jillian]

I agree. In the midst of an 8 month deployment a friend called and said, "my husband is on a business trip and I was thinking that now I understand what you go through! It's so hard with him being away!" I told her it would take me more than 4 days to realize my dh was gone and not just working late. :tongue_smilie:

:lol: How true is that?!?!?!

[albeto]

We will be married 20 this summer. Dh travels for up to 3 weeks (after trial and error, we've discovered 3 weeks is a good max for us). He works in the field and we are out of contact most of the time. I don't let myself think about it, tbh.

[jillian]

I've been married 10-15 years and voted that I would not be ok with it. I was very surprised to see the results... I thought it was a no-brainer that it would not be ok for most everyone. I love how things like this open your eyes to who others might view things! If dh was going to be gone for a month, I and the kids would be in a hotel nearby (by both of our desires).

I guess I just look at it like "it's usually not their choice". DH would rather be home with me and dd but fact of the matter is it doesn't always work out that way and he has no choice kwim? I guess that's why I don't get so upset. Does it suck absolutely. Do I enjoy it? Nope. Do I realize he isn't wanting to be there? Yes. That's the difference, I know if he could be home he would be.

[Tigger]

I've been married 10-15 years and voted that I would not be ok with it. I was very surprised to see the results... I thought it was a no-brainer that it would not be ok for most everyone. I love how things like this open your eyes to who others might view things! If dh was going to be gone for a month, I and the kids would be in a hotel nearby (by both of our desires).

 

I can understand that, as it is my DH's position and why he and I decided I wouldn't return to work since my job would require 80-100% travel all.the.time. Not only would I not like having to be away from DH and my kids, DH and the kids wouldn't like it either, so I get to be a SAHM now!

 

Prior to our move here, DH did have to travel more often and I was okay with it, it was part of his job (as it was mine when I was working). I knew it going into our relationship and our marriage.

 

His situation now is different, he travels rarely, and when he does, it's for conferences he needs to attend and the vast majority of the time we go with him (very easy to with homeschooling). But there are occasions when it just doesn't make sense to travel with him - like last year when I had the baby, one of the conferences he attends each year was four weeks after the baby was born....no way was I going to even try to go, but there was no reason for him not to go, my mom was here helping me with the baby, so I wasn't going to be alone with a new baby and DS.

 

Recently his mom became very sick and again this year I've opted to not go with him, but stay here since if his parents need something, no other family is nearby. He's only going four days instead of a week and I'm totally okay with that - in fact, I think with all the stress with his mom now, he NEEDS the mental health break right now!

[KidsHappen]

I am a military brat, born, bred, raised and married. I am quiet used to the man of the household being gone for extended periods of time. Hubby is out of the military now. He is a computer consultant though and he travels almost as much as he did in the military. The only difference is that he usually gets to come home weekends. It was hard when the kids were little but I had family around to help. Now I don't have any family around so I think it would be harder if he was gone for an extended period of time.

[Parrothead]

I agree. In the midst of an 8 month deployment a friend called and said, "my husband is on a business trip and I was thinking that now I understand what you go through! It's so hard with him being away!" I told her it would take me more than 4 days to realize my dh was gone and not just working late. :tongue_smilie:

While dh isn't military, I get the 4 days thing. I really can't keep up with the coming and going at times. The last time he was gone he got orders to go again. So he came home washed laundry and packed up again.

 

Then there are other times he doesn't leave at all.

 

The possibility to go for 5 months at any given time is always there since he is qualified as an instructor. My brother routinely gets called to teach. He has to leave home for it. (Dh and db have the same job.)

[HiddenJewel]

We've been blessed with being one for over 18 years and have never liked being apart.

Edited February 14, 2012 by HiddenJewel

[Shellers]

We are the 7-10 range and I voted I would not be okay. We would not want our family to be a part for an extended time. Dh had to go for a 2 day business trip a few weeks ago and we all hated it. He was trying to figure ways for us to tag along. I guess we all just like to spend all of our time together :001_smile:

 

We like to spend our time together too, but DH has to work.

 

Last week my DH was in Oklahoma, today he's in down by the California - Mexico boarder, and next week he'll be in Nevada. Ugh...

[Karen in CO]

My dh and I have both always traveled for work. After our second child, I chose to move to a job where I went from 40% travel to 0, but didn't require that he did the same. Everything is harder to accomplish when he's gone, but it isn't that bad, it is kind of relaxing. We get an all-girl thing going here. I certainly miss him, but it doesn't stop me from using the opportunity to declutter, clean, read, watch movies he wouldn't like, cook food he wouldn't like... You get the idea. :D

[regentrude]

My DH and I have been through 8 years of long distance relationships, with distances between 50 and 5,000 miles, and separation periods as long as 4-5 months. That's par for the course if you are a scientist.

I don't *like* it when he is gone, and in the last few years he has not been gone for more than 2-3 weeks at a time, but if he has to travel, he has to travel. (We try to come with him whenever possible)

[higginszoo]

We've been married for 17 years. If I could, I'd go along (and bring everyone) if he had an extended work trip. But if not, I'd still be ok with it. There have been times when his work has required pretty much 100% travel, and we did fine. It IS a different dynamic having him gone that much than when he's home (he has only had one, 4 day business trip in the past 2 years, so it has been a little while since we've had him gone a lot, though he sometimes takes 2-3 trips a year alone to see family and friends). It would be tough with all the activities the kids have going right now. They might even have to drop some, as getting them where they need to be often takes both of us now, but we could make it work if there was a need. (If we were talking a month, my preference would be to pack up and follow, and that would cut into their activities, too.)

We have been together for 21 years -- 2 years dating while together in the same place, then I moved away for most of our 2 year engagement, so even before we were married, making things work long-distance was something we were familiar with.

I grew up a Navy kid, so when I was the ages most of my dc are, my dad was gone more than he was home up through when I was in college (he was on shore duty from about the time I graduated until he retired 7 years later). So I guess that may color my idea of 'normal' ... my mom has an interesting take on this. She was a Merchant Marine kid. She swore that she wouldn't marry a man who went to sea. Broke up with her boyfriend of 6 years when he joined the Navy in 67. When he got out 3 years later, she married him ... and then he went back on active duty 8 years later, for another 24 years. Of that second part, he was on ships for 14 years. She ended up writing a book on how to stay connected as a couple through deployments and work separations.

Edited February 15, 2012 by higginszoo

[dsmith]

I voted I would not be ok with it. (Married over 15 years.) Part of why we still homeschool is so that we can travel as a family. It's our own company though, so I don't have to worry about whether or not the company will allow us or pay for us to travel together. :001_smile:

[Pretty in Pink]

We've been married for 9 years and I'm okay with extended travel. It's never something that I look forward to but we cope just fine with it. I grew up in the military and my dh is military. I am accustomed to this lifestyle.

 

ETA: We like to spend our free time together as well -- I do understand that. I get lonely sometimes when my dh is gone. He's my best friend. We have a lot of fun when he is home a lot. I don't want it to sound like it's no big deal for him to leave, because it is, but at the same time we are sort of used to it.

Edited February 14, 2012 by Pretty in Pink

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I'm curious about how long people have been married and how they view a spouse traveling for work. Dh and I have been married for a while and if he were to have to go on an extended work related trip (4 or more weeks) I'd be packing for him and planning my vacation accordingly. :D

 

Truly the only time I don't like him being gone for a week or 12 is when he has to be gone during holidays.

 

I don't pack for him. I do make sure everything he needs is clean. I will also shop for little things he needs before he leaves.

 

I will usually sit with him for an hour or so and go through everything he needs to make sure he has with him. Generally I come up with a couple things he's forgotten.

 

He would be gone for 2-4 months at a time with 1-2 months back at home in between trips. Glad that we're down to just a few week long trips every once in a while.

 

Sometimes I plan trips for when he's away so we can maximize our time together. Sometimes I wait so he can come too.

[EJCMom]

We've been married for 8 years. None of us enjoy it when he is gone for an extended period of time, but we get through it.

[Renee in NC]

Almost 15 years here and anything more than a few days is not acceptable. I could handle it fine, but I don't want to.

[Brindee]

We're another couple that does NOT like to be apart. DH travels rarely and that's how he (and I) wants/likes it! He's turned down two job "promotions" that would have paid more but required much more extensive travel. When he's gone once or twice a year for business travel, it's usually for less than a week, and we put up with it. But we're not at all interested in vacations without each other!

 

I DID end up going on a mission trip to Kenya, that he couldn't go on, that was 3 1/2 weeks long a few years back. His mom came to help out while I was gone. I had an amazing experience, but I missed him and my family IMMENSELY, and they missed me! We said we'd never do that again!

 

YOU MILITARY FAMILIES....................I SALUTE YOU!!! :patriot:

 

Oh, and next month will make 24 years of marriage (and we'd both marry each other again in a heartbeat)! :001_tt1: :001_wub:

Edited February 14, 2012 by Brindee

[DawnM]

We have been married almost 17 years. I don't want to be a single parent. A week at a time is ok (only twice per year right now) but more than 2 weeks at a time, no.

[MFG]

Two weeks is the limit for both of us. We have been married 30+ years.

[Ester Maria]

Long-term married. Husband in a travel-heavy professional culture. I guess that sort of answers it, LOL.

[nukeswife]

I agree. In the midst of an 8 month deployment a friend called and said, "my husband is on a business trip and I was thinking that now I understand what you go through! It's so hard with him being away!" I told her it would take me more than 4 days to realize my dh was gone and not just working late. :tongue_smilie:

 

:lol: I've been there.

[Impish]

*haven't read responses*

 

When we were first married, Wolf was on the road for work more than home. We've both agreed since, that if that job had continued, we'd probably have ended up divorced.

 

That being said, when he applied for the job he's under consideration for, we realized that it could very well mean him being gone M-F and only home on the wknds for a month or so, until we could find a place for all of us to move to.

 

We were willing to do that, but not excited about the prospect. Wolf was already pouting about missing some of Boo's potential 'firsts'.

 

We'll be married 9 yrs in Apr.

[T'smom]

I think it's interesting that there are people who are not okay with it. Most of the time, it's not really a choice. Maybe, sometimes, there is a business trip that different people at the company could do and there might be a choice involved......but, if he needs the job, and the job says he goes......well.....

 

Now, my dh rarely travels for more than a week. When he does, my mom comes to visit or we go to visit her. (we'd go with him if it was feasible, but so far it hasn't really been- even though his company is paying for the hotel and stuff, we'd still have to pay for our plane tickets, etc. and the locations haven't been worth it- if he was going to be near a beach or something, bring it on- but CO in the winter? no thanks!) I think it's fabulous that we've been able to have extra time with my mom. Sure, she comes when he's here too- but it's great that she can spend lots of time with the kids without feeling like she's intruding on his time with them.

 

I think this is a pretty easy "when life gives you lemons make lemonade" situation.

 

Oh, also- the kids and I travel to see my parents 3-4 times a year for 2 weeks at a time. Do we miss dh? a LOT But he doesn't want to use up his vacay, the trip is sooooo long and there are so many relatives to see once we get there......I miss my dh and the kids miss their dad, but I want to see my grandparents as much as possible, before it's not possible anymore. Not too mention my siblings and nephews, cousins, aunts/uncles, etc.

[Shellydon]

Nearly 17 years and extended travel would a be a reason to switch jobs. I think the number of children you have really plays into how much you tolerate your spouse being gone.

[Shellydon]

I think it's interesting that there are people who are not okay with it. Most of the time' date=' it's not really a choice. [/quote']

 

For our family, extended traveling was a reason to change jobs. Now, DH goes out of town 4 times a year for 2 days each time.

[nono]

I guess we've been lucky. When my husband was working, he had several overseas assignments, but none were more than about 20 days total.

 

Oh, and one year, he commuted to Europe (mostly Germany, Wendy) every week. Living not too far from the Newark airport, there's almost always a way back. He did China once a month for 2 weeks for 1/2 a year too, again with all the direct flights from EWR, it really wasn't that bad.

 

Earlier this year, he went from NJ to South Africa to Qatar to Greece to Turkey to home in 8 days! That one was rough. And for that agony, he got laid off! :lol:

 

Married 11 years, but old as dirt. :tongue_smilie:

[Farrar]

Dh and I lived apart for nearly a year when we had only been married for a few years. It was fine. We missed each other, but instant messaging was around so keeping in touch wasn't hard. I have some strangely fond memories of some online "dates" we had. For example, watching the Oscars together live. Him in the evening, me, in my pjs up first thing in the morning before work. We im'ed about the clothes and the awards the whole way through.

[Shellydon]

Things are different when dh is home. Less spontaneity. When he is traveling for work dd and I do different things. When he travels he is seeing places, meeting people, doing things outside the norm. I take advantage of it as best I can to do things differently and make the time fun.

 

 

I think the big difference is you only have one child. Living life with just one child is so much easier than with a passel of 'em. I say that as an only child myself. I did all kinds of things with my mom that I could never do with all 4 of my kids.

[cassiemc]

DH travels for work as he is a pilot. 4 day trips are fine, but anything else and we all go crazy. It's all what you are used to, I guess. If DH had to be away for work 4+ weeks we would go with him. He was once looking at a job in Vietnam for 12 months. We were planning to go with him. We turned it down since it didn't pay enough for us all to live there. We really do like each other and enjoy our time together. DH hates to be away as much as we don't like him being away. We have been together 18 years and married 13.

[cassiemc]

I forgot, DH did work in another state when our oldest was an infant. We didn't have much money for traveling back and forth so it was pretty horrible. We survived but it was the worst time as a family unit. I believe it lasted 3 months or so. Not something I would ever want to do again, but it was necessary to his career.

[QuirkyKapers]

We have been married over 15 years. I wouldn't have a problem with it unless it was happening all the time. Than it would be hard.

[chiguirre]

Dh travels about 30% of the time. I really don't mind, I like having him home, but the kids and I are used to him being gone. I do have the advantage that he is home almost every weekend. My friends whose husbands work offshore or in Angola or Nigeria have a rougher road imho. But lots of people do this in Houston and make it work.

[SheilaZ]

DH and I have been married for 17 years but he always traveled several times a year and usually works 60 hour work weeks. During the really hectic years, he was gone at least a quarter of each year.

And since he's military, we also have deployments. He was gone six month during my second pregnancy and then he had an 18 month deployment that was not fun at all.

My last two children were induced around my husbands work schedule. (so the babies would be at least two weeks old before he left for a month.)