momofkhm Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 What are some things your next door neighbors could do to minister to you? Your parents live an hour and a half away and your sister is about 30 minutes. I cannot believe he did this. Our neighbors have been married less than 5 years. This is a planned pregnancy and he left! She is due in April. I'm thinking of inviting to dinner once a week, have the kids take the garbage cans back to the side yard and once the grass starts growing, mow the lawn. Anything else? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
curlylocks Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Are there other children? (maybe offer to watch them once in a while) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
georgialee Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Meals would be huge if she's not going to have help once the baby arrives. Also, maybe even watching the baby a couple times in the first couple weeks so she can get 2 hrs of uninterrupted sleep. That's so sad :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Buy her some comfort food. Help her shop for the baby. Does she have someone for childbirth classes? What about an emergency number in case she needed help right away? How sad. what a cad. I would definitely think of the garbage and lawn, other things she might not be able to lift on her own. I'm assuming this is their first child? Does she have a local support system, like a church, that you could tie into? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Is she working? My guess is if they've only lived there 5 years and have a mortgage, she probably cannot take the mortgage on herself. Especially, once she has the baby and pays for childcare. So, I think basic house maintenance like yardwork would be very helpful because she's going to have to sell in the next year. And a friendly ear. If I saw her working in the yard, I'd invite her in for a cup of tea (decaf?) or bring a cup out sit on the front steps with her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Offer to buy a big, hard bat and hold him down while she swings at him. Pick up stuff for her when you see it. Offer to take her to classes if she needs. Take her out. Offer to go on walks. Ask her to dinner at your house (if you're anything like me, there's always room for one more at the table). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justasque Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 have the kids take the garbage cans back to the side yard and once the grass starts growing, mow the lawn. I think these two things are particularly thoughtful. Her family will probably do many things for her, but these two will be a huge help and are things you are particularly suited to doing. Plus what excellent ways for your kids to be involved! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stages Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 I would help with the immediate physical things right now- have the kids help her cart laundry up and down stairs (if applicable), take in and out the garbage cans, and stuff like that. If you or your husband is able, maybe offer to check her tire pressure an fluid levels in her car- typical "man of the house" kind of stuff. She's probably going to be too overwhelmed to even think about taking of that kind of thing. Depending on when she's due in April, she might be starting to nest already (I'm due April 4th and it's starting to hit pretty hard). Maybe see if she needs help putting the crib or swing together. See if she's having any sort of crazy nesting compulsions- like wood polishing every surface in the house- and just help her with that. If her family is really supportive, they probably have the emotional side covered pretty well. It might be helpful to her to have someone remind her that something fun and awesome is going to happen in a few months whether she's ready for it or not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
awisha. Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 (edited) Offer to buy a big, hard bat and hold him down while she swings at him. :iagree:but with this :glare: instead of the happy smiley I agree with everyone, let your children do minor chores to help her out. And be a shoulder to cry on, support for her etc p.s I love the typo in the title, rather appropriate I think. Edited January 31, 2012 by awisha added a p.s Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlessedMom Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 This is just so sad. Bless you for being so willing to help her! She will be in my prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jennsmile Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Does she have labor support? Somebody to drive her to the hospital? Is somebody throwing her a baby shower? I love all the other ideas too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ma23peas Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 What a blessing! I would encourage her through the low points, help her see they joy in this baby...that is what he will miss mst, the joint excitement with the father...someone needs to help fill that void. I have a dear friend ho had an oops late pregnancy, dh was concerned, her inlaws were shaking their heads, I sent her a bright bouquet of flowers rejoicing with her! She said it was so hard to be overjoyed with the news with so many shaking their heads...be excited for her not feeling sorry for her, many moms either through death, divorce or other have had to go this alone...help her find the joys of pregnancy! A care package for cravings, something sweet, salty, healthy...a mom's journal...anything to help her ...the ideas you had are wonderful! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bbkaren Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Mom, I just want to mention that I think you're a really kind, thoughtful soul. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenC Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 If she has other children, I would offer to keep them while she is in the hospital. I would invite her over for dinner also. She may appreciate the company. Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jayb842 Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Ex-Dh almost did this. He stayed 5 years and kicked us out penniless because he never wanted ds. It also was a planned pregnancy. We were married 4 years before ds was born. Our divorce was a huge blessing that I never dreamed would turn out so well. The amazing blessing was my awesome husband is now ds's dad. Honestly I wish my ex had left before ds was born. I think it would have been better for ds. The down side is being a single mom is tough but the Good Lord will see her through it. Go babysit one afternoon so she can shop or get her nails done. Personal recharge was a key for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lara in Colo Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 Help her find a good SOB lawyer. Try to discover if the DuH wants this baby, if not, have him sign off his rights (she loses $ but also loses potential heartache for herself and the child). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetMissMagnolia Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 all great ideas.....it's kind of you to want to help her..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunD Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 Does she have pets? DH works away from home, and two of the hardest things for me are pet-related. Walking the dogs is difficult because I'm always afraid that if they bolt they're going to pull me over. Cleaning the litter box is supremely awkward with a big belly in the way. If she does, I think having the kids take over pet-related duties would be really nice. I would also want someone to supply me with a LOT of freezer meals and healthy snack food/drinks for after the baby arrives. I wouldn't expect it, but I would probably have cried if anyone had been so kind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
butterflymommy Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 Help her find a good SOB lawyer. :iagree: And I've never heard the term DuH... love it, I'm ashamed to say. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
curlylocks Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 Does she have pets? DH works away from home, and two of the hardest things for me are pet-related. Walking the dogs is difficult because I'm always afraid that if they bolt they're going to pull me over. Cleaning the litter box is supremely awkward with a big belly in the way. If she does, I think having the kids take over pet-related duties would be really nice. GREAT idea!! (Cleaning litter boxes when one is pregnant is unsafe...) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 Can you dh do basic car repair/upkeep? Things like checking the air in the tires, oil changes, etc. Those are just those extra things that are hard to get around to doing and might be forgotten. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LG Gone Wild Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 wow So many angry words :glare: , so little time for confession. I like the flowers idea to remind her to rejoice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunD Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 GREAT idea!! (Cleaning litter boxes when one is pregnant is unsafe...) Well, I gotta do it since the kids aren't old enough, so I put on some big elbow-length rubber gloves and cross my fingers. I wouldn't if I had someone like the OP offering to help me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in TN Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 Let her know (if it is possible on your part) that she can call you any time day or night to take care of her and/or her kids, even if for just a while until her family can get to her. Stop by once in a while with a "great deal" you just couldn't pass up at the grocery store or Target clearance rack. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beaners Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 Well, I gotta do it since the kids aren't old enough, so I put on some big elbow-length rubber gloves and cross my fingers. I wouldn't if I had someone like the OP offering to help me. I don't believe cats shed toxoplasmosis except for a few weeks right after they are first exposed. Indoor only cats or cats that have gone in and out of the house for most of their life are pretty unlikely to transmit it. But...it's a gross, stinky job so I still would prefer to have someone else do it. OP, it's wonderful of you to offer to help out however you can. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 Oh merciful heavens. Hunt him down and shoot him? Poor thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
akmommy Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 GREAT idea!! (Cleaning litter boxes when one is pregnant is unsafe...) :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 (edited) Does she own her home? Is she at risk of not being able to afford it? If she can't afford the mortgage on her own and bought prior to 2009, she is eligible to apply to the Making Home Affordable program through her lender. Divorce is a qualifying hardship. It would set her mortgage payments to 31% of her income. Just making her aware of the program might be helpful. There are many scams out there and people sometimes fall prey to fraudulent outfits. If she is interested, she should visit: http://www.makinghomeaffordable.gov/programs/lower-payments/Pages/hamp.aspx You may be eligible if you meet all of the following criteria: • You occupy the house as your primary residence. • You obtained your mortgage on or before January 1, 2009. • You have a mortgage payment that is more than 31 percent of your monthly gross (pre-tax) income. • You owe up to $729,750 on your home. • You have a financial hardship and are either delinquent or in danger of falling behind. • You have sufficient, documented income to support the modified payment. • You must not have been convicted within the last 10 years of felony larceny, theft, fraud or forgery, money laundering or tax evasion, in connection with a mortgage or real estate transaction. Edited February 1, 2012 by kijipt Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 With her family not super close, I'd offer to drive her to the hospital and to stay with her until her parents/sister could get there. Meals after the baby arrives, and even before (or have her over to dinner as much as you can beforehand). Help her get the carseat installed. This poor woman -- how awful for her! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momofkhm Posted February 1, 2012 Author Share Posted February 1, 2012 Thanks for the suggestions ladies! This is her first baby. We did let he know we'd be happy to drive her to the hospital. I think she said her mom will be there for labor thinking that the first one usually takes a while. And I reminded/told her that we homeschool so I'm home during the day if she ever needs something. All she asked us to do was pray for her dh to see the error of his ways and come back. So I'm doing that but, man, is it hard when I know she's in a tough place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kesmom Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 Laundry - bring the baskets over to your house and you can deliver it clean and folded the next day. Food - she isn't likely to need whole casseroles etc... but you could bring her a portion of your yummiest dishes once or twice a week. And do the same when you bake muffins, cookies etc.... What about the other neighbors? Could you all do a diaper/wipes collection for her? Or collect for an Amazon gc to order diapers. Assuming she is going back to work - if you can do it, I would offer to keep the baby for a week or two after maternity leave is over. A lot of moms are anxious about daycare and it could postpone that for a short time. That of course, is a pretty big undertaking and would depend on how well she knows you. Or you could offer to occassionally watch the baby for just short breaks - 30 minutes to shower, workout, grocery shop or whatever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phathui5 Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 Offer to help out with cooking and cleaning for the first couple of weeks after the baby is born. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 I agree with all of the other suggestions above and would add only maybe when the baby comes you can call her up when you're going out food shopping or Walmart etc and see if she needs anything picked up. Maybe you could also pick her up some extra diapers & wipes. In addition to cooking I remember that getting out to the stores was a real hassle for me when I had a newborn especially if it was just for a few things. I think it's great that you're so willing to help her out. The world needs more neighbors like you. :) Other than that I would just offer her an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on and just be a friend. :) I pray all turns out well for her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 As a single mom I can say the best help I got (and only help really) was when my neighbors used to mow my lawn in the summer and shovel in the winter when I was pregnant with my 4th. The only reason they did though was because my other neighbor gave them heck for not doing it sooner. I was supposed to be on bed rest with #3 and #4 but with both was out their shovelling, and mowing and weeding etc in addition to the inside chores etc. It was a huge relief when the boys next door started doing that yard work for me. The other main thing would be to simply give her a shoulder and an ear. There will likely come a day that she will not want to turn to her mom about her dh if she really wants him to come back because it will make the discord between him and her mom worse. So knowing she has someone else to tun to when she is upset, or scared etc. can be a huge relief. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in TN Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 Thanks for the suggestions ladies! This is her first baby. We did let he know we'd be happy to drive her to the hospital. I think she said her mom will be there for labor thinking that the first one usually takes a while. And I reminded/told her that we homeschool so I'm home during the day if she ever needs something. All she asked us to do was pray for her dh to see the error of his ways and come back. So I'm doing that but, man, is it hard when I know she's in a tough place. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 does she have adequate maternity clothing? What about things for the hospital, nursing bras, nightgowns, that kind of thing? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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