Would you donate in this situation? (NOT a request for $, a WWYD...)

[TheReader]

I just received a phone call from someone in our new neighborhood --- we only moved in at the end of October --- telling me they are collecting funds for a neighbor with cancer.

 

If I'm understanding her correctly (she was speaking at about 60mph, and my Portuguese phone understanding speed is around 30mph at best.....), he needs a daily something or other that costs $35 each time. I gather it's some sort of nutritional supplement or something otherwise not provided for through the public health system here.

 

So they are asking neighbors to each donate $35, one day's worth of this whatever it is that he needs.

 

I told her I need to think about it (my husband is at work and I would need to check this with him before committing) and she asked when she can call back for my answer.

 

I'm pretty sure we'll say no, but....is that just heartless of me?

 

Would you donate if asked in that manner?

[mytwomonkeys]

yes, i would. it's $35 and i've spent that on much dumber things. cancer is near and dear to my family though, so for me, i wouldn't mind helping at all.

[Paintedlady]

Only if I knew the need was legitimate. We have elderly neighbors acrross the street, and the wife is suffering from a degenerative disease that has her shrunken to the size of a small 10 year old, completely wheelchair bound. We donated a sizable amount to a similar fundraiser to buy them a temporary ramp for the front of their house.

 

It was money well spent IMO. BUT, we know them personally and know their need was legit. Is there some way to tell if this is on the up and up?

Edited January 27, 2012 by Paintedlady

[beaners]

I probably would, but I'd check with the actual neighbor with the medical issues before I'd hand money over to someone collecting on his behalf if I didn't know anyone well. I'd probably frame it as asking if he needs help with any light chores around the house.

[NanceXToo]

Unless I honestly couldn't afford it, I probably would. I wouldn't want to be that one neighbor who was like nah, I don't care. If I was looking to build a sense of community and ties with my neighbors and they were looking to include me as part of their community and hoped they could count on me along with everyone else to help one of their own, I would try to do it (I would try to ensure first that it was legitimate though). Then again, I also lost a grandfather to cancer, and I do try to help others where I can, and I guess I would hope that if someone in my family needed something for a life threatening illness and I felt that the situation was desperate enough that I was pounding the pavement asking neighbors, etc for help, I would hope that people would be kind enough to help if they could.

[Tammyla]

I would need more information than that, but I can be a big skeptic at times. I guess I've just be saddened by one too many scams over the years, but if it was legitimate...I could easily donate an amount that worked for our budget.

[bbmom]

Yes, I would, as long as it didn't create a financial hardship for my family.

[Impish]

I'd need to talk to other neighbours, try and get the situation confirmed.

 

Honestly, I'd rather buy whatever the $35 is for than hand over cash.

[mommaduck]

If I had the money, sure. I might ask which neighbour it is though so that I would know who I was donating for and see if there were any other needs.

[Mommee & Baba]

Knowing my neighborhood and the people who live in it, yes I would. If I could swing it.

[MamaT]

Yes, I would. I think it is touching that people would come together to help a neighbor in need. I think we could all use a little more of that in our world.

[Danestress]

I have a great neighborhood in most ways. I can see my neighbors doing something like this. To me, this is how you build a neighborhood that is worth living in. If you say "no" it's ok. You still get to live in a great neighborhood with people who care about each other with more than just lip service. But if I could afford it and had no reason to think it was some kind of scam, I would donate.

[dragons in the flower bed]

I would check to be sure it was legit too, but I would. I live in a neighborhood where most of us know each other well, swap childcare, go to the same social events, take meals when sick, et cetera. It's a good thing.

[mom2denj]

Yes, I definitely would as long as I could afford it. I would definitely ask someone in the neighborhood first to be sure it is legit.:)

[Joanne]

I'd need to talk to other neighbours, try and get the situation confirmed.

 

Honestly, I'd rather buy whatever the $35 is for than hand over cash.

 

This. I would immediately *consider* helping, and find out enough real info to be sure of making a decision one way or another. And, agreed on the paying for it, not giving cash in this circumstance.

[SweetMissMagnolia]

:iagree: I would have to know that it was 100% legit first.....

[In2why]

I would if I knew the neighbor. In most situations like this there is a bank account for donations, and most banks do this for free. If I didn't know the person collecting, or the person in need of help, I would decline. '

[J-rap]

Do you know the neighbor she is referring to? Do you know it to be true? Then yes.

[Parrothead]

I would need more information than that, but I can be a big skeptic at times. I guess I've just be saddened by one too many scams over the years, but if it was legitimate...I could easily donate an amount that worked for our budget.

:iagree:I might hand the $35 over to the patient directly instead of putting it in a fund. Just to make sure he gets it.

[Nakia]

Absolutely!

[Acorn]

Absolutely. For $35, I wouldn't even worry about asking dh.

[jennsmile]

Is it a one time thing or an ongoing, weekly month donation needed?

 

That would come into play for me. $35 a once or monthly would be doable for us, $35 weekly is another story.

[dangermom]

Asking for medical donations for a neighbor is not an uncommon scam, so I'd check into it first, but if I could afford it and it was legit, I would.

[TheReader]

Thanks, everyone.

 

I'm fairly sure it's legitimate, just because she asked for the owner of the house by name (we rent), and clearly was working from a list of homeowners in our community. It's a gated neighborhood, so I can easily verify at the administration office to find out for sure.

 

If we knew this neighbor, either the one doing the solicitation calls or the neighbor who's ill, I would not hesitate; $35 isn't that much money. But we don't know this neighbor or any other, not yet.

 

I'm not positive if it's a one-time thing or a monthly thing. If it is to be a monthly collection, I'd be more hesitant.

 

I was a little taken aback by the very straightforward request "Can we count on you for the $35?" and the expectation that I will say yes, since we don't know anyone in the neighborhood yet. We moved in at the end of October, were gone to the US in December, so we've only been in the home two months basically.

 

In this instance, assuming it's legitimate, and assuming DH says yes, I wouldn't mind giving the cash rather than try and figure out what it is I'm meant to be buying and tracking it down, etc. But I'm not sure he'll say yes; he's a lot more skeptical than I am about things.

 

Thanks for the feedback so far. I guess I need to get over to the administration building and confirm/get more details so I can explain it well to DH when he gets in from work.

[In the Rain]

 

 

I was a little taken aback by the very straightforward request "Can we count on you for the $35?" and the expectation that I will say yes, since we don't know anyone in the neighborhood yet. We moved in at the end of October, were gone to the US in December, so we've only been in the home two months basically.

 

This kind of strong wording would rub me the wrong way too, but it is probably just a good friend of the sick person trying hard to help him out. I'd give $35 if it was legit.

[QueenCat]

If I could confirm it was a legitimate need, I would do it in a heartbeat. Even for a monthly commitment. This is part of what makes a great neighborhood. People caring about each other, even if they don't know each other very well (or are new, like in your case). By donating, you would be saying "we want to be a part of this caring neighborhood".

[springmama]

My standard response to something like this is to assume that the person making the request is being honest. If it is a cause I support, and I have the money, I donate. If these people are being dishonest, God will deal with them.

 

With that said, if the people making the request are known for being dishonest, or if it is a cause that I don't feel is worthwhile, then I will decline. If a large amount of money is involved I may look into it further before donating.

[Element]

I'd need to talk to other neighbours, try and get the situation confirmed.

 

Honestly, I'd rather buy whatever the $35 is for than hand over cash.

 

:iagree: ITA, but I'm pretty skeptical in most situations.

[BigMamaBird]

I'd rather donate to someone with a tangible need who I "knew" (even if it was only a seldom seen neighbor) than to a large, faceless fundraising organization. In your case, I might donate the money. It's really not that much and if it were going, 100% to a daily need, that would seem like a good thing to me.

[beaners]

T

 

I was a little taken aback by the very straightforward request "Can we count on you for the $35?" and the expectation that I will say yes, since we don't know anyone in the neighborhood yet. We moved in at the end of October, were gone to the US in December, so we've only been in the home two months basically.

 

Is there any chance this is a cultural discrepancy? I don't know what the community is like and what the background is of everyone involved, but that thought came to my mind. :confused:

[Ohdanigirl]

Thanks, everyone.

 

I was a little taken aback by the very straightforward request "Can we count on you for the $35?" and the expectation that I will say yes, since we don't know anyone in the neighborhood yet. We moved in at the end of October, were gone to the US in December, so we've only been in the home two months basically.

 

 

Hi,

 

I see that you are in Brazil, so I would like to add my $0.02. First of all this is very common in Latin American countries. The person's manner of speak in this situation would not have been considered rude, because this type of thing is very common, and people do usually say yes. There probably is a sense of urgency, as well.

 

That being said, this does not mean that it may not be a scam. There has been a rise in phone scams in Latin America. I would discreetly verify before handing over any money. Maybe even call the owner of the house.

 

Also, is this $35 USD? That would also give me pause. That is a lot of money in Brazil. It is not unrealistic that something would cost that much, but strange that they would ask each person for that large of a donation. I know you said gated community, but is it an Exclusive gated community? Is it likely that your neighbors could afford this amount?

 

Danielle

[TheReader]

Hi,

 

I see that you are in Brazil, so I would like to add my $0.02. First of all this is very common in Latin American countries. The person's manner of speak in this situation would not have been considered rude, because this type of thing is very common, and people do usually say yes. There probably is a sense of urgency, as well.

 

That being said, this does not mean that it may not be a scam. There has been a rise in phone scams in Latin America. I would discreetly verify before handing over any money. Maybe even call the owner of the house.

 

Also, is this $35 USD? That would also give me pause. That is a lot of money in Brazil. It is not unrealistic that something would cost that much, but strange that they would ask each person for that large of a donation. I know you said gated community, but is it an Exclusive gated community? Is it likely that your neighbors could afford this amount?

 

Danielle

 

Oh, I didn't mean to imply she was rude, just that *I* was not used to being asked so directly, with such a clear expectation of a yes answer. She was nothing but polite and kind and yes, perfectly in keeping with the culture here.

 

And it's R$35, but as we are paid in Reais I figured just having everyone pretend it is dollars was an easier and more accurate comparison for the sake of asking the question. Although, $35 is only around R$60 these days, and even that would not be an unheard of sum for where we live. Some parts of Brazil, yes, but not where we are. So, the amount doesn't bother me really.

 

I think what bothered me is just being asked to give for a health need for someone I've never met, and I was flustered trying to keep up with her rapid fire Portuguese. I do well in person, but over the phone and in conversations where I've got no context to clue me in it's harder for me to understand.

 

I will check with the administration office, and have DH discreetly ask around as far as how legitimate it would be that a cancer patient would not be able to get daily nutritional needs from the public health care system; that seems like it should be covered but I could be wrong. And R$35/day seems very high for a nutritional supplement.

 

Anyway, I'll check and we'll proceed from there.

[susankenny]

Yes, I'd do it. It's not a large amount & it's only one time, right? You don't need to the know someone to be charitable, at least I don't think so. Should you choose to pass though, that is your right as well:)

 

 

Susan

[RanchGirl]

I seem to be the odd man out but honestly, I wouldn't. It is screaming scam to me. If I knew the ill neighbor, I would absolutely help with both financial and other means. But total stranger calling in what sounds to me to be a fairly pushy manner (can I count on you, when can I call you back?)... nope.

 

I would instead ask what kinds of food the sick person can eat, when I can bring a meal, and bring that over with a small carepackage in an effort to forge a hi how are you kind of relationship. THEN I would donate directly to the sick person.

 

As for knowing the homeowner's name making it legitimate - I don't know about Brazil but here that is available for free on the internet via the county website.

[Amira]

This has happened to us many times, and yes, we do give the money requested. There has been once or twice where we had to refuse, but in general, your neighbors are your insurance here. We've helped with medical bills, home repair, new babies, weddings, legal bills, and more. It's fine with me because it's important to us to be part of the neighborhood, and this is a small way we can do that. We have gotten plenty of help back, maybe not financial, but lots of support we need.

 

However, I certainly wouldn't do it based on only a phone call from someone I didn't know. If it's a neighborhood thing, I'd prefer to give the money to my neighbors that I know.

[Ohdanigirl]

Oh, I didn't mean to imply she was rude, just that *I* was not used to being asked so directly, with such a clear expectation of a yes answer. She was nothing but polite and kind and yes, perfectly in keeping with the culture here.

 

And it's R$35, but as we are paid in Reais I figured just having everyone pretend it is dollars was an easier and more accurate comparison for the sake of asking the question. Although, $35 is only around R$60 these days, and even that would not be an unheard of sum for where we live. Some parts of Brazil, yes, but not where we are. So, the amount doesn't bother me really.

 

I think what bothered me is just being asked to give for a health need for someone I've never met, and I was flustered trying to keep up with her rapid fire Portuguese. I do well in person, but over the phone and in conversations where I've got no context to clue me in it's harder for me to understand.

 

I will check with the administration office, and have DH discreetly ask around as far as how legitimate it would be that a cancer patient would not be able to get daily nutritional needs from the public health care system; that seems like it should be covered but I could be wrong. And R$35/day seems very high for a nutritional supplement.

 

Anyway, I'll check and we'll proceed from there.

 

Well, I do hope you are able to figure this out. Either way, please be careful, and follow your gut.

 

Danielle

[angela in ohio]

If we knew this neighbor, either the one doing the solicitation calls or the neighbor who's ill, I would not hesitate; $35 isn't that much money. But we don't know this neighbor or any other, not yet.

 

If I was new to the neighborhood, I would probably hand over the $35 without asking too many questions (normally, I would be checking it out and giving material instead of money.) I wouldn't want the first impression of me to be that I am stingy and suspicious. The $35, even if lost on a scam, would be would be worth it just in case.

 

I would check around quietly, if possible, or under the pretense of wanting in other ways (which I would want to anyway.) But I would be careful not to damage a future relationship in the neighborhood.

[yucabird]

Only if I knew the need was legitimate. We have elderly neighbors acrross the street, and the wife is suffering from a degenerative disease that has her shrunken to the size of a small 10 year old, completely wheelchair bound. We donated a sizable amount to a similar fundraiser to buy them a temporary ramp for the front of their house.

 

It was money well spent IMO. BUT, we know them personally and know their need was legit. Is there some way to tell if this is on the up and up?

 

:iagree:

 

 

On more than one occasion, my husband and I have had individuals with whom we are vaguely acquainted come to the door asking for money for medical treatment. We let the person know we will pay, but they must visit OUR doctor for a diagnosis. We then let the doc know that X may be visiting, and we will foot the bill.

 

We have not had anyone take us up on this.

 

We feel for the many families who cannot afford medical treatment, but we do not appreciate being scammed.