caitlinsmom Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 Their marriage for years has been rocky but things for the last few weeks have really started to excalate. My sister recently had a bad pap and had to have 3 spots biopsied (she is only 25). The results came back yesterday as moderate, which is pre-cancerous. She called to let him know and he didn't say anything. In the end there was a fight with her saying something to the effect of "All I need is you to say this sucks, we'll get through it, everything will be alright" His response? "I don't want to say those things, I want a divorce." He locked the bank accounts so she has $37 bucks with 3 kids. She lives in GA while he is on business in NV and later India. He claims he will get her money for her to move (although he was upset about having to pay for the LEEP) back here to Idaho. It's a mess to say the least. If you could keep her in your thoughts, prayers, etc. She is a mess understandably. If you by chance need guitar lessons for your kiddo (or self) please check out my sig link. We are trying to earn her money in case he really leaves her high and dry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 She should file for a divorce and an immediate order of child support and alimony. Don't wait for him to "give" her money. He very well may not. Get it in writing that he consents to the children being moved to Idaho. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 ugh! I'm sorry for your sister and her kids. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WillametteMom Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 I'm so sorry your sister has to go through all this. I'm praying for her. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 I am so sorry - thoughts and prayers.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: She can petition the court for emergency and immediate relief that he will have to provide. She needs to call an attorney and do this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daisy Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 I'm going to just say it. What a jerk! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 I am so sorry - thoughts and prayers.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: She can petition the court for emergency and immediate relief that he will have to provide. She needs to call an attorney and do this. :iagree: Tell her to get an attorney asap. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsheresomewhere Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 :grouphug: Karma will come back. Can you sister see if there are any low cost options for the LEEP? I know some docs can do it in their office. Also, what about seeing if Planned Parenthood has any options for it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 I'm going to just say it. What a jerk! :iagree: Get her an excellent attorney immediately. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 She needs to contact a lawyer ASAP. Is there a women's shelter locally that she can contact- maybe they could help her w/ immediate needs like food, and even put her in touch w/ someone who can help her. I can't believe he locked their accts and didn't give her anything to feed the kids. (well I can believe it but......) Do they have credit cards? Did he cancel those too? If not, I'd be hitting the grocery store, and getting cash advances or something! Prayers and a :grouphug: for your sister! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 Lawyer up and fast. Get her a big ol' donkey b*tch of an attorney, too. Sounds like her stxh could use a good legal a$$ kicking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samiam Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 Is she not on the bank account at all? Not even an authorized user? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 I know that divorce is frowned upon somewhat on this board, and it's certainly not the best of all possible worlds, but no one should have to be married to a scumbag who would divorce a woman over a health issue beyond her control. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 She should file for a divorce and an immediate order of child support and alimony. Don't wait for him to "give" her money. He very well may not. Get it in writing that he consents to the children being moved to Idaho. I am so sorry - thoughts and prayers.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: She can petition the court for emergency and immediate relief that he will have to provide. She needs to call an attorney and do this. :iagree: She has options, even if he wants to make her think she doesn't. She needs to lawyer up, NOW. What an a$$, ugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 I agree about having somehow... him saying that moving back is agreed upon between them. A low pressure email would be great. Then, gather the $$$ to get them back straight away so it's not used as leverage. She needs to be with family, even if all of them are at one of your houses.... It'd be horrible for her to get stuck there. I agree about the filing as well; do it RIGHT after you get that it's agreed for her to be Outa There!! Any guy who mentions that is an absolute jerk, when he's just heard that his wife needs him. The guy shoulda bucked up. Bet there's another woman :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 She should file for a divorce and an immediate order of child support and alimony. Don't wait for him to "give" her money. He very well may not. Get it in writing that he consents to the children being moved to Idaho. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 I think that sometimes people are ordered to maintain health coverage for a certain amount of time.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeW88 Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 As Dave Ramsey says, she needs to get an attorney she can barely stand to be in the same room with. Someone who will absolutely nail this clown to the wall. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caitlinsmom Posted January 20, 2012 Author Share Posted January 20, 2012 We are in the process of scrounging up every dime to get the papers filed ASAP. She wants them filed before she leaves GA. I will be flying out to pack her up and drive the uhaul back next weekend. That gives her a week to get everything under control. No she doesn't have access to the accounts. She is only an authorized user but she has doesn't have a debit card right now. She qualifies for emergency funds but she isn't going to apply for them until she moves here. Right now she is ok for food, she went shopping Monday. He doesn't want much to do with any of them. He wants to party and play and the family is just baggage. He has no worries now that they are gone. Oh the things I could say right now!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 The only words I have, aren't repeatable. How can he lock her out of the accounts unless she isn't on there as one of the account holders? Yep, attorney time! QUICK! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 We are in the process of scrounging up every dime to get the papers filed ASAP. She wants them filed before she leaves GA. I will be flying out to pack her up and drive the uhaul back next weekend. That gives her a week to get everything under control. No she doesn't have access to the accounts. She is only an authorized user but she has doesn't have a debit card right now. She qualifies for emergency funds but she isn't going to apply for them until she moves here. Right now she is ok for food, she went shopping Monday. He doesn't want much to do with any of them. He wants to party and play and the family is just baggage. He has no worries now that they are gone. Oh the things I could say right now!!!!! I believe Georgia has a very short wait time for a divorce to be final. :iagree: with others to get the attorney, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 I don't think she should do that until she talks to an attorney. Georgia is where this divorce will happen, and Georgia is where every hearing will be. She's going to have to be prepared to go back and forth a fair bit. I woudn't do it without hearing from an attorney that it wouldn't be better to stay in the house with the kids until this is done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ma23peas Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 :iagree: Get her an excellent attorney immediately. Yes, sounds like a man on a mission..most likely an affair...start saving all cell phone records and internet communications...track that man...will be praying...poor kids and momma... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
butterflymommy Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 Yes, sounds like a man on a mission..most likely an affair...start saving all cell phone records and internet communications...track that man...will be praying...poor kids and momma... My thoughts too. Did she contract HPV through DH via another woman? She really needs a good attorney and fast. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 Thinking about this some more. If she leaves the marital house scumbag-almost-ex could claim abandonment. it would make the whole situation her fault instead of his. She needs to stay put for the time being. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbgrace Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 Thinking about this some more. If she leaves the marital house scumbag-almost-ex could claim abandonment. it would make the whole situation her fault instead of his. She needs to stay put for the time being. Yes--this. She needs to be very careful and consult an attorney before she moves. I think moving, even if he's "suggesting" it, could give her H leverage in court she won't want him to have. What a horrible thing. I'd be thinking affair or affairs too. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandra Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 She could also call a domestic violence hotline -- usually those numbers are in the front of the phone book. They should be able to give her advice of what she could do immediately, without a lawyer, in terms of getting the emergency support she needs. I agree with all the comments to get a lawyer, but it sounds as though she needs help now -- Friday evening, I guess -- and cannot wait until Monday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 She needs to slow the heck down and consult a lawyer pronto. She needs to not leave the house yet. She may be eligible for more benefits from her STBH since she contracted this illness while they were married--he may have an obligation to support her through that. There are a lot of possibilities. If she does the kneejerk thing, she could end up having trouble keeping her children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dustybug Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 That is horrendous. :glare: I agree that she shouldn't leave quite so quickly and should lawyer up. On a side note, you can contract HPV without a partner being unfaithful. I did and it was also moderate. My dr. told me that sometimes it can lie dormant for years before it comes up. I know my DH has never been unfaithful and neither have I, so it had to come from before we were married. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happycc Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 Christian to my ex. You know live by example ...more like be a stinking doormat. Yeah well I got screwed really bad! I should have gotten a lawyer asap and protected myself and the kids. My family members (mother, brothers, father) are not Christian and they are so angry at what being a Christian has done to me and now they have had to help me out so much financially because I was trying to be a good Christian. I am a Christian still but very very careful about taking certain kinds of Christian advice. So tell her she needs to protect herself and her kids. I lost my older kids because of not getting a lawyer in the first place. We did everything through a mediator or legal mediator lawyer kind of thing. I thought we were going to have an amicable divorce. He was just a great actor that is all. He has completely alienated the children from me and then called the police force that he use to work for on me and then they callled cps and cps based decision on his police force. I had no idea people could get that evil and vindictive. Ugly ugly ugly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 I agree with others that she needs to get a lawyer right away and probably, depending on what the lawyer advises, stay in Georgia so he can't take advantage, at least for right now. He is a real cretin, that is for sure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigMamaBird Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 I'm going to just say it. What a jerk! :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 I believe Georgia has a very short wait time for a divorce to be final. :iagree: with others to get the attorney, though. (Get the attorney before anything ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virg Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 She should file for a divorce and an immediate order of child support and alimony. Don't wait for him to "give" her money. He very well may not. Get it in writing that he consents to the children being moved to Idaho. :iagree: I know several people who ended up SOL because they didn't think their DH would do something so horrible. It was really sad Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbgrace Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 I thought of something else--she needs copies of all financial records and account balances. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 (edited) She should file for a divorce and an immediate order of child support and alimony. Don't wait for him to "give" her money. He very well may not. Get it in writing that he consents to the children being moved to Idaho. :iagree: he sounds like a real jerk. and a junk-yard dog of an attorney to find anything he may try to hide. eta: I agree with the stay in Georgia until a good attorney says it is legally safe for her to leave. He can use it against her. this does not sound like a "quick" a knee-jerk reaction on his part, but something he has been thinking of, and he decided now was time to bail. Edited January 21, 2012 by gardenmom5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meggie Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 This is very similar to what my father did to my mom. She needs a good lawyer ASAP! Do not even let her listen to any "I'll be nice, we can do this fairly," BS. My dad promised something similar to my mom and we told her not to believe him. Once the threats started coming in, she realized we were right and ended up filing before he did so that she could protect herself. Do not let her leave the home, do not let her go without getting a GOOD attorney. I'm so sorry this is happening to you all, but right now she's gotta get tough. What she's facing ahead of her is tough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jelbe5 Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 I don't think she should do that until she talks to an attorney. Georgia is where this divorce will happen, and Georgia is where every hearing will be. She's going to have to be prepared to go back and forth a fair bit. I woudn't do it without hearing from an attorney that it wouldn't be better to stay in the house with the kids until this is done. :iagree: I would consider having family come to her! Why should she leave the house and take the kids elsewhere when HE wants a divorce! I know it is easier to armchair quarterback but if this was me I would not go anywhere or give up anything. I would try to get him to leave the home first. What a low-life! :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiana Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 If at all possible I would send someone in the family down to help her out rather than have her leave. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plansrme Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 Can we go back to that thread a few months ago in which so many on this board weren't bothered by the fact that stay-at-home spouses will not be able to get credit cards without the income-producing spouse's consent? I am sorry for your sister. While she is in the house, and he is not, she needs to take every financial record she can get her hands on straight to an attorney. "Jerk" just isn't strong enough. Terri Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caitlinsmom Posted January 21, 2012 Author Share Posted January 21, 2012 (edited) About the moving..... they have had this move planned for a month now. The original plan was that they move here mid-February then the move was pushed back to the end of March so that he could travel to India for a month. Now that she doesn't have to wait for him she wants to continue on with the move as planned. He wants nothing but his guitars and even told her to sell it all if she wants. He honestly has no ties what so ever to their life. She will file here in Idaho because we have a shorter wait time and because court isn't needed in an uncontested divorce as it is in Georgia. She has to go to a short class and that is all. She has been in GA for 9 months and has no support system at all. She knows one person who happens to be a business parterns wife. She wants to be here where she can break down if need be with people around to help. As for the lawyer, I may be naive here but I don't think she needs one. They have no assets, no mortgage, no money, nothing. The only thing they share besides the kids, are medical bills. He wants nothing to do with them except visitation, and even that he doesn't want on a schedule because his business takes him all over the country and India frequently. They already have a house lined up here in Idaho and he let her know tonight that he already has an apartment here also. He apprently plans to relocate back here after India as well (all family is here on both sides.) So...what a mess. Edited January 21, 2012 by caitlinsmom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 About the moving..... they have had this move planned for a month now. The original plan was that they move here mid-February then the move was pushed back to the end of March so that he could travel to India for a month. Now that she doesn't have to wait for him she wants to continue on with the move as planned. She will file here in Idaho because we have a shorter wait time and because court isn't needed in an uncontested divorce as it is in Georgia. She has to go to a short class and that is all. She has been in GA for 9 months and has no support system at all. She knows one person who happens to be a business parterns wife. She wants to be here where she can break down if need be with people around to help. As for the lawyer, I may be naive here but I don't think she needs one. They have no assets, no mortgage, no money, nothing. The only thing they share besides the kids, are medical bills. He wants nothing to do with them except visitation, and even that he doesn't want on a schedule because his business takes him all over the country and India frequently. They already have a house lined up here in Idaho and he let her know tonight that he already has an apartment here also. He apprently plans to relocate back here after India as well (all family is here on both sides.) So...what a mess. I hate to say it, but yes. You are being naive. She needs a lawyer and she needs one tomorrow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caitlinsmom Posted January 21, 2012 Author Share Posted January 21, 2012 My thoughts too. Did she contract HPV through DH via another woman? QUOTE] Not sure. She didn't have it 3 years ago at her last pap. She doesn't think he would cheat but I have thought the SOB was cheating for years. Who knows and at this point I don't think she cares. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caitlinsmom Posted January 21, 2012 Author Share Posted January 21, 2012 I hate to say it, but yes. You are being naive. She needs a lawyer and she needs one tomorrow. What does a lawyer do in these situations? lol My parents divorce was a simple cut and dry ordeal so I have no idea really. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 As for the lawyer, I may be naive here but I don't think she needs one. They have no assets, no mortgage, no money, nothing. The only thing they share besides the kids, are medical bills. He wants nothing to do with them except visitation, and even that he doesn't want on a schedule because his business takes him all over the country and India frequently. Child support. Children's medical insurance. She may just want to wash her hands and cry now, but 3 kids need support. What is he? A hashish smuggler? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stripe Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 As for the lawyer, I may be naive here but I don't think she needs one. They have no assets, no mortgage, no money, nothing. The only thing they share besides the kids, are medical bills. Then the kids are why she needs a lawyer. I know tons of uninterested parents who suddenly wanted them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caitlinsmom Posted January 21, 2012 Author Share Posted January 21, 2012 Child support. Children's medical insurance. She may just want to wash her hands and cry now, but 3 kids need support. What is he? A hashish smuggler? She nearly filed 3 years ago and apprently the child support could be set up without a lawyer (???). I think anyway. I know that as soon as she was on food stamps the state automatically started garnishing even though it was a seperation. As for insurance, what do they do when someone is self employed and not able to get insurance? They have never had insurance and I doubt ever will. And honestly I have no idea what he is. He does marketing stuff, or at least that is the cover story. I have wondered for years if it isn't something illegal that he hides. Just speculation on my part. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeW88 Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 I hate to say it, but yes. You are being naive. She needs a lawyer and she needs one tomorrow. :iagree:She needs a lawyer. A really, really good one. And quickly. Do not believe a word that comes out of his mouth. Everything needs to be done through the proper legal channels. He is already being a jerk by freezing her accounts. It will only get uglier. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elizabeth Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 What does a lawyer do in these situations? lol My parents divorce was a simple cut and dry ordeal so I have no idea really. Child support, healthcare, alimony to rehabilitate her back into the work force, custody and visitation, division of debts, possible bankruptcy filing depending on the amount of debt and a million other items. I am an attorny and can say that she is making poor choices on her own behalf and that of her children. Wherever they spent the last year is where the jurisdiction for filing for and adjudicating a divorce usually is. There is no good reason to not speak to an attorney first. It costs a great deal more to undo the damage people who engage in self help commit than to simply speak to a domestic relations /family law attorney. Get the ducks in a row and then move forward. This attorney heeds the sage legal advice of the hero Davy Crockett,"Be always sure you are right, then go ahead." Truly you have no idea what this woman is owed on future earning capacity of her husband and you are doing her a disservice by permitting her to act impulsively. Loving someone does not mean letting them cut off their nose to spite their face. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 What does a lawyer do in these situations? lol My parents divorce was a simple cut and dry ordeal so I have no idea really. The medical bills Her continued medical difficulties The kids If he is cold enough to walk out when she needs him most, he is cold enough to screw her over royally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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