10 y.o. dd started.... (female content)

[Brigitte]

It would appear that one of my 10 y.o. twins started her period the day before yesterday. :crying: She is not admitting it and won't talk about it. I figured it out by her constant trips to the bathroom and the vast quantities of toilet paper disappearing. There were other clues, but that is neither here nor there.

 

I put supplies in the bathroom and told her where they were and what to do with them. She has made use of them, but still is not talking about it. I don't want to keep harping on it, but I do need to make sure that is what is going on and not bleeding from someplace else.

 

Hugs and advice welcome!

 

PS - Of course, we are at my in-laws and not at home.

[JudoMom]

No advice, but :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:.

[Teachin'Mine]

:grouphug: Maybe you could go to the library together and look at a book or two or use your mom's library card to take a book out and read it together at home. It's so hard for them when they're so young. :grouphug:

[Whereneverever]

:grouphug: can you go get her a copy of The Care and Keeping of You?

[Slipper]

:grouphug: can you go get her a copy of The Care and Keeping of You?

 

I found that book at our drugstore. I bought it for my 10 yr old when she was 8 yrs old. I hope things get better for both of you!

[Live2Ride]

:grouphug: can you go get her a copy of The Care and Keeping of You?

 

:grouphug:

I second this book. My daughter likes to read (research) about things. She definitely gets that from me. She has referred to this book more times than I can count. She has no desire to get rid of it any time soon and if/when she does, I'm tossing it into her hope chest for any dd that she might have, :tongue_smilie:.

[ktgrok]

for the love of God, just don't get her a balloon. My mom did. I was mortified. MORTIFIED.

[MinivanMom]

What's there to do? I would have been mortified if my mother had made a big deal out of it or tried to talk to me. That goes double if we had been at the grandparents' house (for fear my mother would be indiscreet and grandparents could find out). She may not want to talk until you get home or ever. If you haven't had a talk before, then I second the idea of getting her a book (discreetly, not with fanfare as she doesn't seem to want that).

[Tammyla]

Oh, poor kid. I'd get her some chocolate and the book recommended here. The fact that she is away from home is likely to compound her embarrassment a bit. kwim?

[Mommyof4ks]

:grouphug:

I second this book. My daughter likes to read (research) about things. She definitely gets that from me. She has referred to this book more times than I can count. She has no desire to get rid of it any time soon and if/when she does, I'm tossing it into her hope chest for any dd that she might have, :tongue_smilie:.

 

:iagree: My dd preferred reading about it and being able to discuss it with some level of knowledge before she talked to me about it. We went to a local ice cream shop for cones and then to the park to talk. It really helped being away from everyone else, and she felt more comfortable that no one would hear us. :grouphug:

[Kertie]

for the love of God, just don't get her a balloon. My mom did. I was mortified. MORTIFIED.

 

:iagree: :glare:

 

Wow, that makes me feel better about the announcement to my dad that we were going to the store to look at all the product options!!

 

I don't have motherly advice--my dd isn't there yet.

 

But, I know that when I started at 11, I was NOT HAPPY and did NOT want to talk about it. Mom was all excited, and I felt like life as I knew it was ending. I knew what it was, had some info, etc., but now I was worried about things like what if I had to change my pad in the middle of a softball game--you know, heavy things like that;). As an adult, I have perspective--something I was sorely lacking at 11!!

 

I'd give her some space and reapproach the matter in a couple days in a casual way.

 

This is assuming that she knew about the whole period thing prior to this. As long as she knows that she's not dying, monitor her mood and look for a good opening:001_smile:.

 

:grouphug:

[In the Rain]

for the love of God, just don't get her a balloon. My mom did. I was mortified. MORTIFIED.

 

:lol: Sorry, but that totally cracks me up!

 

 

OP, :grouphug: I'd be like you, wanting dd to talk about it. Since you are concerned there may be a problem, tell her you need to know if she is having her period, or experiencing another type of bleeding. Reassure her that you won't make her discuss it at length. My dd is the type who would prefer to initially read a book for information, and then discuss for clarity.

Edited December 29, 2011 by Julianna

[Brigitte]

:grouphug: can you go get her a copy of The Care and Keeping of You?

 

She has that book and another body book (All About Her, I think is the title, it is Catholic). I gave the girls both books about a year ago when this twin started developing. So, I have that covered. I have talked to the girls about periods, so the topic is not foreign to them. I just feel awful for her that she can't talk to me about it.

[Brigitte]

for the love of God, just don't get her a balloon. My mom did. I was mortified. MORTIFIED.

 

Oh.my.word! No balloons here. Given that I have significant problems with periods, I am not one to "celebrate" this particular aspect of womanhood, especially for a girl this young. :tongue_smilie:

[Starr]

She's using the products you've given her. I would get a book and spend some time with both girls, after you get home. :grouphug:

[Scarlett]

It would appear that one of my 10 y.o. twins started her period the day before yesterday. :crying: She is not admitting it and won't talk about it. .

 

I'm crying with you! Ten is waaaay too young darn it! My niece started that young. That just ain't right.

 

I hope you can get her to talk to you. Maybe when you get home.

[Brigitte]

What's there to do? I would have been mortified if my mother had made a big deal out of it or tried to talk to me. That goes double if we had been at the grandparents' house (for fear my mother would be indiscreet and grandparents could find out). She may not want to talk until you get home or ever. If you haven't had a talk before, then I second the idea of getting her a book (discreetly, not with fanfare as she doesn't seem to want that).

 

Oh, I don't necessarily think there is anything to do or any more discussion that needs to happen. I asked her when we were alone in the car if she knew what a period was (I know she does) and that if she started hers. She responded that she did know all about it and that no, she had not started and that she would tell me when she did.

 

Dh and I were out last night and dd managed to clog the toilet with toilet paper (she had evidently been stuff t.p. in her panties), so my mil knows. I have been very careful to not cause her embarrassment in front of others.

 

My own experience with my mom was not great. I was scared to death when I started because I was not sure what it was at first. Fortunately I had older sisters who helped me out.

[Guest submarines]

Oh.my.word! No balloons here. Given that I have significant problems with periods, I am not one to "celebrate" this particular aspect of womanhood, especially for a girl this young. :tongue_smilie:

 

You might want to see how she's feeling about it. I'm not suggesting a balloon or a party, but she might want something quiet and privete but commemorative to mark the occasion.

 

Even if you feel negatively about your periods, there's no reason for her to be encouraged to feel this way.

 

When I started (11), a girl in my class who started about the same time was actually excited. She talked about a special day with their mom. I remember feeling a bit wistful. There's no way I would've been comfortable with a balloon type of celebration, but some kind of a positive acknowledgement would've been nice. She might feel that her life is changing forever (they way I feel) but a comiserating and agreeing adult is not necessarily the best course of action.

 

But it all really depends on the child. All I'm saying I'd try to be perceptive and act more in accordance of what she wants--even if right now she doesn't feel like even talking about it.

 

:grouphug:

[SpreadingtheFeast]

My mom took me out shopping to get a nice little bag to put my pads in(which I could take along in my schoolbag). She made a nice little day out, out of it, without mentioning 'the subject' too often ;).

[love2read]

I would bet that she'll talk to you when she gets home and you can be alone in a really private place. My daugthers would have died if they got it for the first time away from home and even the older ones "freak" (as they say) if they get it or think they will get it when we are staying with relatives or at a hotel. The otherwise are fine with the idea and we talk freely about those things, just not away from home. :grouphug:

[justamouse]

for the love of God, just don't get her a balloon. My mom did. I was mortified. MORTIFIED.

 

I'm so sorry I'm laughing, but I can hear this in my head and you're cracking me up. (I made your voice up, but hopefully it sounds like you).

 

OP :grouphug:

[SonshineLearner]

My step-daughter started early, too, but stopped after a few months and then picked up a few years later. You might explain that some of it might just be for a while, and not come back till later.

I'd also suggest getting rid of any foods that aren't best for her... Make sure the milk she drinks, and as much other dairy is organic.... and try for free range chicken/beef products (and other meats you might eat) It was suggested by our mainstream Dr to eat meat and other things with no possible steroids... etc. Anyway just a thought :)

[Zebra]

Oh, your poor DD :grouphug:!

 

She must feel awful, not being home and all that.

 

Can you try to take her out alone, for cocoa or something? Give her the opportunity to talk to you but not push it? Maybe sit at a coffee shop and shoot the breeze, and see if it comes up? She's probably having a heck of a time processing it right now, maybe she just can't talk about it yet.

 

My mother announced it at dinner, not in a nice way either. It was awful.

 

Here's one for you too :grouphug:!!!

[Pretty in Pink]

Awww :grouphug:

 

I think what you've done is fine. I might discreetly slip her a copy of a book appropriate for the occassion and let her know that I was available if she had any questions or just needed to talk about anything. I'd also ask her if she was getting along okay with the hygeine items that I provided and make sure that she knows how to use them.

[*********]

for the love of God, just don't get her a balloon. My mom did. I was mortified. MORTIFIED.

 

*snort*

 

That's, uh, MOST unfortunate.

 

OP, my dsd started at that age. Poor girl was here at dad's house, but she was comfortable enough with me that she came out of the bathroom and whispered "I think I started my period' in my ear.

 

I knew it was inevitable, she had all the signs. But I tried not to make this face: :001_huh:.

 

I knew she was factually prepared, so I just took her quitely and made sure she knew where the supplies were, and told her if she ever needed anything, to just let me know.

 

I didn't do anything 'special' or commerative with her, as I figured her mother would want to do that, and I didn't want to step on toes.

 

I *did* get the pleasure of informing dh. I just told him later in private, assured him he need not say anything to her or even acknowledge in any way that he knew, I just thought he should know for information's sake. His reply? "Um, don't you need to take her to the doctor?! She's TOO YOUNG!" :lol: Poor dh. He was totally serious. I don't think he appreciated the laugh I was unable to stifle before telling him that wouldn't be necessary. :D

[NotSoObvious]

for the love of God, just don't get her a balloon. My mom did. I was mortified. MORTIFIED.

 

OMG!:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

[NotSoObvious]

OMG!:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

 

OK, didn't mean to laugh! I'm just dying! Can you imagine how our moms must have been feeling, though? I think my mom would have thrown a party for me if she could. I think I'm just going to start crying when it happens to my dds. :(

 

 

BTW, here is another book that I just LOVE!!! It is all cartoons, but very explicit, so it's not for everyone.

It's So Amazing

[lynn]

May I hijack. Dd is 6 and I have been answering questions age appropriately as they arise. Is 8 a good age for the book that was mentioned? I mentioned to dh that we could only be 4-5 years away from these things, just so he's not caught totally off guard...lol

[Parrothead]

Brigitte - I have a friend who has identical twin girls. They both started withing days of each other. Just thought I'd give you are heads up. I don't know if your girls are identical.

 

May I hijack. Dd is 6 and I have been answering questions age appropriately as they arise. Is 8 a good age for the book that was mentioned? I mentioned to dh that we could only be 4-5 years away from these things, just so he's not caught totally off guard...lol

I think an 8-year old is old enough for The Care and Keeping of You set of books.

[SKL]

Aww. It was hard for me and I was 13. :grouphug:

[C_l_e_0..Q_c]

I asked her when we were alone in the car if she knew what a period was (I know she does) and that if she started hers. She responded that she did know all about it and that no, she had not started and that she would tell me when she did.

 

 

So she's saying it's not what's happening to her? My 11yo DD regularly clogs the toilet, and her period has definitely not started. If she gets a sticky #2, that's what happens. She will go through a complete roll of toilet paper. :001_huh:

[Mommy22alyns]

May I hijack. Dd is 6 and I have been answering questions age appropriately as they arise. Is 8 a good age for the book that was mentioned? I mentioned to dh that we could only be 4-5 years away from these things, just so he's not caught totally off guard...lol

 

 

Yes, 8 is a good age. Rebecca has gone through hers backwards and forwards!

[3peasinapod]

Yes, 8 is a good age. Rebecca has gone through hers backwards and forwards!

 

My DD is almost 9 in 2 months. I had planned on getting that book but haven't yet. I guess it's time. Yikes! She's my baby! :crying:

[Brigitte]

So she's saying it's not what's happening to her? My 11yo DD regularly clogs the toilet, and her period has definitely not started. If she gets a sticky #2, that's what happens. She will go through a complete roll of toilet paper. :001_huh:

 

She is saying it's not happened. This is not a #2 problem unless she is bleeding from her rectum. The clog was t.p. only.

[Brigitte]

Brigitte - I have a friend who has identical twin girls. They both started withing days of each other. Just thought I'd give you are heads up. I don't know if your girls are identical.

 

 

I think an 8-year old is old enough for The Care and Keeping of You set of books.

 

They are fraternal. The other just developed breast buds in the last week or so. So, that gives me some time before the other starts.

 

8 is a good age for that book, but not sooner. At least for most kids.

[*********]

She is saying it's not happened. This is not a #2 problem unless she is bleeding from her rectum. The clog was t.p. only.

 

Well, then she should tell you why the toilet was clogged with tp, and why the 'montly supplies' are disappearing.

 

At least, in my house that conversation would be had. She's either lying about not being on her period, or she's doing some nonsense in the bathroom she shouldn't. :tongue_smilie:

[NotSoObvious]

This thread is making me shake in my boots! My twins are 9.5. I'm not readdddddy!!!!!!

 

Time for the darn book.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Well, then she should tell you why the toilet was clogged with tp, and why the 'montly supplies' are disappearing.

 

At least, in my house that conversation would be had. She's either lying about not being on her period, or she's doing some nonsense in the bathroom she shouldn't. :tongue_smilie:

 

I wouldn't go with an accusatory tone (at least that is way it seems here.) I certainly wouldn't take her unwillingness to talk about it as blatant lying. She feels uncomfortable talking about it. She could feel weird that she has started and her little sister has not. She could be in denial because she doesn't feel ready to be that grown up. She could be feeding off OP's attitude toward the topic, who herself said that, due to her own difficulties, does not see it as something to celebrate. (Not judging you, Bridgett.) Making it about lying would make things even more uncomfortable and further erode any sense of trust. I think a little grace goes a long way. Ending the conversation with "I'm here if you want to talk about anything." could leave the door open while respecting her privacy.

 

BTW, I never had the talk with my mom. I don't think I remember her even saying the word "period" until I was an adult. I saw the movie at school. Supplies appeared in the bathroom. When I clogged the toilet with items flushed instead of thrown away, a little note appeared in my bathroom. I would have been super mortified if my mom tried to discuss it (but then again, everything embarrassed me as a kid!)

[Farmgirl70]

My dd is 17 and will talk very openly with me now, but when she was 10 she would not have said anything in a conversation about periods. At different points when I felt she needed to know information or just to know that I knew what she might be going through, I would spend some time alone with her and I would just talk. I might even say, "I know you don't want to talk about this, but I'm your mom and I just want you to know...." I'd just tell her whatever you want to know and then move on with some time together, focused on her but not necessarily her period.

[Brigitte]

Well, then she should tell you why the toilet was clogged with tp, and why the 'montly supplies' are disappearing.

 

At least, in my house that conversation would be had. She's either lying about not being on her period, or she's doing some nonsense in the bathroom she shouldn't. :tongue_smilie:

 

We have established what is going on (she has stated her period without a doubt) without her saying a word. I am not going to confront her in a "I know you are lying" way, because I do want her to feel like she can come to me when she is ready. I suspect when I asked her, she was still just spotting and she really was not sure. Also, she is a very private/modest person and has been for quite a while. I will respect her desire to not talk about it, since that is generally the way I am. She has been using the panty liners and I just informed her privately that the pads next to them are more absorbent and cover better. She acknowledged what I said and we moved on.

 

Her twin, on the other hand, is not the least bit private or modest with family. We will all know about it when it happens for her. When we have discussed it in the past, she always expresses her opinion and her sister sits back quietly. It is just who they are.

[Brigitte]

I have been worried about this stage for a while. She started to develop pretty early, so I had a clue that we would be here earlier than I was ready for. But I was hoping I had at least another 6 months.

[Brigitte]

I wouldn't go with an accusatory tone (at least that is way it seems here.) I certainly wouldn't take her unwillingness to talk about it as blatant lying. She feels uncomfortable talking about it. She could feel weird that she has started and her little sister has not. She could be in denial because she doesn't feel ready to be that grown up. She could be feeding off OP's attitude toward the topic, who herself said that, due to her own difficulties, does not see it as something to celebrate. (Not judging you, Bridgett.) Making it about lying would make things even more uncomfortable and further erode any sense of trust. I think a little grace goes a long way. Ending the conversation with "I'm here if you want to talk about anything." could leave the door open while respecting her privacy.

 

BTW, I never had the talk with my mom. I don't think I remember her even saying the word "period" until I was an adult. I saw the movie at school. Supplies appeared in the bathroom. When I clogged the toilet with items flushed instead of thrown away, a little note appeared in my bathroom. I would have been super mortified if my mom tried to discuss it (but then again, everything embarrassed me as a kid!)

 

Thanks, Ellen. I have always been careful to not project my feelings about the topic on the girls. I have always dealt with it in a very matter of fact way. It is what it it. I don't want them to be scared that they will have the same experience as I did/do, since theirs could be very different.

 

I also try to talk rather casually about topics related to growing up and other things, so they can feel comfortable about talking about them to me. I still have a hard time talking to my mom about many subjects, because we didn't talk about much when I was growing up.

[Word Nerd]

We have established what is going on (she has stated her period without a doubt) without her saying a word. I am not going to confront her in a "I know you are lying" way, because I do want her to feel like she can come to me when she is ready. I suspect when I asked her, she was still just spotting and she really was not sure. Also, she is a very private/modest person and has been for quite a while. I will respect her desire to not talk about it, since that is generally the way I am. She has been using the panty liners and I just informed her privately that the pads next to them are more absorbent and cover better. She acknowledged what I said and we moved on.

 

Her twin, on the other hand, is not the least bit private or modest with family. We will all know about it when it happens for her. When we have discussed it in the past, she always expresses her opinion and her sister sits back quietly. It is just who they are.

 

I think this is a good way to handle it. I was older than that and still denied it the first time I was asked if I had started because my first . wasn't what I expected (there wasn't much bleeding, just brownish spotting). I wasn't even positive that's what was going on. I tried several times to get up the nerve to talk to my mom, but it was just so personal and private that I had a hard time speaking up. I was relieved when I did finally get the nerve to tell her because she didn't make a big deal about it and was very matter of fact about getting me what I needed and not making me talk about it.

[Mommyfaithe]

Oh, poor kid. I'd get her some chocolate and the book recommended here. The fact that she is away from home is likely to compound her embarrassment a bit. kwim?

 

:iagree:

Chocolate goes a long way in opening up communications. My girls and I call it emergency coffee.....

 

Faithe

[*********]

I wouldn't go with an accusatory tone (at least that is way it seems here.) I certainly wouldn't take her unwillingness to talk about it as blatant lying. She feels uncomfortable talking about it. She could feel weird that she has started and her little sister has not. She could be in denial because she doesn't feel ready to be that grown up. She could be feeding off OP's attitude toward the topic, who herself said that, due to her own difficulties, does not see it as something to celebrate. (Not judging you, Bridgett.) Making it about lying would make things even more uncomfortable and further erode any sense of trust. I think a little grace goes a long way. Ending the conversation with "I'm here if you want to talk about anything." could leave the door open while respecting her privacy.

 

BTW, I never had the talk with my mom. I don't think I remember her even saying the word "period" until I was an adult. I saw the movie at school. Supplies appeared in the bathroom. When I clogged the toilet with items flushed instead of thrown away, a little note appeared in my bathroom. I would have been super mortified if my mom tried to discuss it (but then again, everything embarrassed me as a kid!)

 

Well what do I know. :tongue_smilie: I wasn't trying to sound accusatory, I was just meaning that maybe you'd want to get to the root of why she is lying to you about having started her period. Not in an invasive or punititive or negative way. But in an "I'm your mom and you should be able to tell me about your period' way.

 

That's all. :)

[kewb]

for the love of God, just don't get her a balloon. My mom did. I was mortified. MORTIFIED.

 

 

Oh my! That is right up there with how the morning after I first got my period my father looked at me and said "My baby is now a woman." I remember turning tail and screaming up the stairs "Mom! You TOLD dad!"

 

I have instructed my dh that when the time comes he is to say absolutely nothing to dd.

 

OP, I suspect she will feel more apt to talk when you are home and alone together.

[Brigitte]

I *did* get the pleasure of informing dh. I just told him later in private, assured him he need not say anything to her or even acknowledge in any way that he knew, I just thought he should know for information's sake. His reply? "Um, don't you need to take her to the doctor?! She's TOO YOUNG!" :lol: Poor dh. He was totally serious. I don't think he appreciated the laugh I was unable to stifle before telling him that wouldn't be necessary. :D

 

Unfortunately for dh, he was the one to find the first evidence. I am not sure what to say about his reaction. It isn't really rational, but he has at least not said anything to her.

[Unicorn.]

Brigitte, I think you are handling it wonderfully. My twins started a year apart, and they sound like yours. One could care less if everyone knew about it, and leaves evidence everywhere! The other one wouldn't admit it for days, and doesn't like to discuss it at all.

[8circles]

Well, then she should tell you why the toilet was clogged with tp, and why the 'montly supplies' are disappearing.

 

At least, in my house that conversation would be had. She's either lying about not being on her period, or she's doing some nonsense in the bathroom she shouldn't. :tongue_smilie:

 

Or she's really embarassed about getting her period & doesn't want to talk about it. :confused:

[nd293]

Dd started at the same age, and was also not wildy keen on talking about it. She had already read "The Care and Keeping of You". She wasn't at all stressed about the event itself, but discussions with Mom were clearly another matter altogether!

 

ETA: I personally have found that awkward conversations can be easier to conduct when not face-to-face, so chatting when I'm driving and dd is in the back seat of the car can be more relaxed.

Edited December 30, 2011 by nd293