so mad at my BIL!!!!

[HappyLady]

My SIL and BIL (my DH's brother) found out last month they were pregnant with their first child. They're both older (SIL is 43 and BIL is 52) and don't have any other kids (they married just a couple of years ago). My SIL has been taking fertility meds so she was so happy that at her age she could get pregnant and pretty much knew this would probably be her only child.

 

To give you a little backstory, my SIL visits her family a few states away a few times a year and my BIL ALWAYS has some excuse as to why he can't go so she drives the 8 hour drive alone. He even gets out of seeing her family that lives in town. My guess is he doesn't feel comfortable around them because they're all highly educated and refined whereas he's the more down-to-earth, beer drinking kind of guy. His parents (my ILs) always come up from out-of-state and stay with said SIL and BIL for a month. My SIL isn't happy with this, but she pretty much doesn't have a say in the matter, unfortunately.

 

Anyway, last week my BIL called my DH and said he was going to see their parents and wanted to know if we wanted him to bring any Christmas presents to them. He said it was a last minute decision to go see them and he'd be flying out the next day. My SIL was going to see her family in another state so once again, my BIL wasn't planning on going with her. He told my DH that he hasn't seen their parents in their home town in 2 years (even though they stay with him and his wife for a month every year) so that's why he told her he wasn't going with her. And my SIL only sees her family out of state for a few days each time she goes.

 

Well, my DH and I just got an email from his brother stating that my SIL lost the baby just a few days before they each took off to see their respective families. So, that means that instead of my BIL going with his wife that just MISCARRIED their baby he decided at the last minute to go see his own parents (I'm quite sure my SIL's trip was already planned).

 

I can never wrap my head around how my SIL allows her husband to never go with her when she sees her family, but to each his own. Maybe she prefers it that way, I don't know. But I can't imagine her being ok with him not being with her after she just had a miscarriage!!! I haven't had a chance to talk with her yet because she's still out of town, but am I crazy or should my BIL have gone with her instead of going to see his parents???

 

I should also note that when my BIL and his parents get together it's a big drinking fest. My ILs are in their 70s, but can keep up with kids in their 20s, no joke! The first night my BIL was with his parents my MIL ended up falling and fracturing her pelvis (she was probably drunk out of her mind). So here's my BIL drinking it up and partying with his family, while his wife is in another state, probably balling her eyes out, after having miscarried. Something's just not right here!!

 

Do you agree or are there some women that wouldn't want their husbands with them after such a tragedy??

[Catwoman]

Well, it sounds like your BIL and SIL have a far different arrangement than my dh and I have, as my dh and I go visit people together, or we don't go at all.

 

Personally, if my DH pulled a stunt like that, he'd find the divorce papers waiting for him when he got home, but if your BIL is not exactly Mr Sensitive, maybe your SIL will be better comforted by her parents and siblings.

 

I guess it's all a matter of how she feels about it. For all we know, maybe it was her idea for him to visit his parents. If your BIL is uncomfortable around her family, maybe they're not wild about him, either, and your SIL feels edgy and nervous the whole time they're together, wondering if there will be an argument.

Edited December 19, 2011 by Catwoman

[angela in ohio]

Well, it sounds like your BIL and SIL have a far different arrangement than my dh and I have, as my dh and I go visit people together, or we don't go at all.

 

I agree. And I would expect a different dynamic with a couple who married in their forties.

[mommaduck]

It's their marriage...honestly, I understand your feelings, but stay out of it. I was pushing EVERYONE away after our first loss. So yes, it is possible.

Edited December 19, 2011 by mommaduck

[Murphy101]

Well I would suppose, if I had the misfortune to be married to such a donkey, I wouldn't want to be with him much in general and certainly not when I need support. :(

[OLG]

I agree. And I would expect a different dynamic with a couple who married in their forties.

 

We married in our forties and my dh would react the same, sadly. I have come to accept that it might have something to do with living independent lives for so long before marriage. Also accept (but don't like at all) that his family's way of coping and/or celebrating always involves alcohol. Lots of masking going on, imho. Life isn't pretty sometimes. We cope as best we can. So sorry for your SIL's loss. You are right to be outraged, I feel, yet people come to late marriages with a lot of baggage!

[cjzimmer1]

I haven't seen my BIL is 3-4 years. My sister and him go there separate ways for holidays. While it' snot the choice I would make it works for them. I'm having a hard time understanding why what your sister in law and brother in law choose to do for holidays should make you so upset. It's their lives, their choices. You are not really part of the equation. If you sister in law asks for advice then i can see you offering your input but I haven't got that sense from you post. I'm really hoping your post is just a vent and not something you've shared with your sister in law.

 

As far as the miscarriage goes, again different people react differently. For me after the first day or so, I didn't really want my husband around. He grieves differently than I did and so it seemed like he didn't care (which was completely untrue but in my state of mind I couldn't see the difference) and I just withdrew from everyone. I didn't want to be around anyone who was going to remind of what I went through. I needed to "bury" the grief until a later time because I was too raw to even face the reality that the I had just lost a child.

 

So while their actions are different than yours would be in the same situation, doesn't mean there is anything wrong.

[HappyLady]

I haven't seen my BIL is 3-4 years. My sister and him go there separate ways for holidays. While it' snot the choice I would make it works for them. I'm having a hard time understanding why what your sister in law and brother in law choose to do for holidays should make you so upset. It's their lives, their choices. You are not really part of the equation. If you sister in law asks for advice then i can see you offering your input but I haven't got that sense from you post. I'm really hoping your post is just a vent and not something you've shared with your sister in law.

 

As far as the miscarriage goes, again different people react differently. For me after the first day or so, I didn't really want my husband around. He grieves differently than I did and so it seemed like he didn't care (which was completely untrue but in my state of mind I couldn't see the difference) and I just withdrew from everyone. I didn't want to be around anyone who was going to remind of what I went through. I needed to "bury" the grief until a later time because I was too raw to even face the reality that the I had just lost a child.

 

So while their actions are different than yours would be in the same situation, doesn't mean there is anything wrong.

 

I'm not upset that they choose to do things separately from each other. I don't understand it because that's not how my DH and I are, but I do believe I said "to each his own." If it works for them, fine.

 

What I AM mad about, is that I think he should have been with his wife in this time of her life and not drinking like a fish with his parents in another state. I have NOT shared my opinion with anyone other than my DH and on here because I did really need to vent. I know my SIL is hurting (my BIL said in his email that she was crying on the phone to him). I do believe she would have wanted him with her if given the choice, but I could be wrong.

 

I'm just mad at my BIL and his actions are his own choice and my SIL might be perfectly fine with it all. But I'm not and I'm entitled to my opinion, which I'll be keeping from the family.

[ma23peas]

I would be beside myself, and I do believe your brother should give him a brotherly talking to (not you)...someone has to call him out on his selfishness and lack of caring...he's 52 and living as if he's a bachelor...I realize he has been a bachelor for many years, but he's acting like a 16 year old and a bad one at that.

I would hate for a child to be raised by a father like that. Please do all you can to support his wife and see how you can help, someone has to.

[Farrar]

That's definitely a head scratcher... I also wouldn't get it or relate to it. But I also can imagine there are some relationships where this would be okay, so I would just head scratch privately with dh and then let it go. My il's are mostly sweet but they also do a number of things I think are strange decisions that don't make sense. If it works for them, dh and I moan a little in private, but then let them be themselves.

[Joyofsixreboot]

Not sure of their dynamics, but for us the two times I miscarried I preferred to be alone and let dh carry on with work, etc as normal. What was he going to do anyway?

[Daisy]

It's their marriage...honestly, I understand your feelings, but stay out of it. I was pushing EVERYONE away after our first loss. So yes, it is possible.

 

:iagree: Why be upset FOR them? It doesn't appear that either one of them are bothered by the way they work their marriage.

 

It definitely wouldn't make ME happy. I wanted my husband with me when I had my ectopic. I also wouldn't make a habit of going to see my parents without my husband either, though if I could get out of seeing HIS parents....Hmmmm. The whole dynamic is not something I can wrap my brain around, but I wouldn't let it bother me.

Edited December 19, 2011 by Daisy

[Tap]

Honestly, when I am hurting I want to be left alone. I don't want to be doted over, I don't want to be bugged, I don't want extra hugs, I want to be left alone.

 

The week after we lost a pgy at 22weeks, dh went back to work, even though his employer gave him the option to take a week off. He was there for the medical procedure and through the weekend, but then he was back to work. I didn't want him there. I want to lick my wounds, and move on. If I want to cry, I want to be by myself. People hugging me and trying to comfort me, is very, very annoying to me. It makes it worse to have to pretend to be happy around other people. It makes it worse to her "are you okay...No, are you really okay" 20 times a day from well meaning people.

 

So, to answer your question... yes, there are people like me who would rather their husband was somewhere else while they were going through this type of pain. This has nothing to do with my husband, it is just how I am and always have been.

[Rebecca VA]

n/m

Edited December 19, 2011 by Rebecca VA

[Danestress]

My DH was really precious to me during and after the loss of a pregnancy. But there is only so much to be said. It was really hard, and I really did want to just be alone after the first day or two. I was physically not in bad shape.

 

It would not seem bad or wrong to me if she canceled the trip to see her parents. But if she wants to go, it doesn't seem bad or wrong to me that she go alone. He also has lost a pregnancy and might not want to spend the weekend with his in-laws in the immediate aftermath. I can understand that. Whatever you don't like about your in-laws, they are his parents and it's very nice that he loves them and wants to be with them, but if she really needed him to be with her and expressed that, I think they should have both stayed home.

[LeslieAnneLevine]

:grouphug: I'm so sad for your SIL. I don't know how she's feeling about her husband right now, but your BIL may just lose her over this. I completely understand your feelings and the fact that you're expressing them here, not running over and yelling at your BIL or anyone else who will listen.

[kalanamak]

 

Do you agree or are there some women that wouldn't want their husbands with them after such a tragedy??

 

Some hubbys are "no lads for windy weather". If I'm sick, he's out the door. He is NOT a nurse. Clueless to the point of being damaging. On the flip side, if he is sick, I'm hovering and he's saying "Leave me alone."

 

If I were balling my eyes out, I'd want to be alone, too.

 

Different strokes for different folks.

[BigMamaBird]

Well I would suppose, if I had the misfortune to be married to such a donkey, I wouldn't want to be with him much in general and certainly not when I need support. :(

 

Bingo!

 

I don't understand her mindset, but it's probably better for her to be with her family right now instead of the insensitive BIL. :glare:

[Samiam]

I really don't get why you are upset. It's their marriage and perhaps it works fine for them. They did marry older, and often that means they are used to being very independent. You are only assuming that SIL wants it differently, and that means you could be completely wrong. Have YOU called her?

[Jennifer3141]

Not sure of their dynamics, but for us the two times I miscarried I preferred to be alone and let dh carry on with work, etc as normal. What was he going to do anyway?

 

 

ITA!! With my second one, I didn't even tell my DH until he got home. Every marriage operates differently. DH and I grieved together but I did the majority of my crying with my girlfriends. When I lose a baby, I want my best friends.

 

If your SIL doesn't say something to you about it, I would assume everything is ok.

[annandatje]

Honestly, when I am hurting I want to be left alone. I don't want to be doted over, I don't want to be bugged, I don't want extra hugs, I want to be left alone. ...So, to answer your question... yes, there are people like me who would rather their husband was somewhere else while they were going through this type of pain. This has nothing to do with my husband, it is just how I am and always have been.

 

 

My immediate family suffered a tragedy about 1 1/2 years ago. The pain was so unbearable for me that I stayed in privacy of my bedroom for several days. I did not want to interact with my husband or anyone else. Processing the situation took all my mental energy; thus, I was "unable" to speak or converse. My husband called my employer to explain my absence.

 

I know that some family, friends, coworkers and acquaintances did not understand why I was not receptive to their efforts at comforting, and I am grateful to husband for fielding those calls.

 

Thus, I guess I qualify as one of those people who would rather their husband be somewhere else during grief processing too. Interestingly he also needs solitude to reflect on tragedy.

[AndyJoy]

DH and I are going to be apart for Christmas and I just had a miscarriage. He offered to take me to my parents' house for Christmas, but then found out he couldn't get the time off work. We decided I'd go without him.

 

He grieves in private (with me) and hates hugs and words of sympathy from anyone else. Going to church or seeing my family is painful for him right now because they all want to say something comforting but it doesn't help. I like to be around close friends and family when I'm in pain, so I'm seeking out the comfort of family. Some people may think it's strange, but it works for us and after almost 9 years of marriage we are open and honest and both ok with this.

[ciyates]

I have had two miscarriages and prefer to grieve alone.

[Parrothead]

I think your outrage may be displaced. You seem to be projecting what you would feel in such a situation onto your SIL.

 

While she may have been in tears when speaking to her husband, that does not mean she wants him with her. I"m sure she had the option of staying home with her dh and grieving. She chose to go to her parents.

 

I think you ought to give her (and him) the support she needs, not the support you would want if it were you in her shoes.

[JVA]

Yes, your BIL is selfish. So......I would extend myself to the SIL and offer her comfort and love at this time. So very sorry for her loss. So sad. But, maybe this id**t shouldn't be a father?

I'm curious- what does your dh say about his brother's behavior?

[Haiku]

It sounds to me like, unless your SIL comes to you for advice/comfort, you should stay out of it.

 

Tara

[TXBeth]

Yes, your BIL is selfish. So......I would extend myself to the SIL and offer her comfort and love at this time. So very sorry for her loss. So sad. But, maybe this id**t shouldn't be a father?

I'm curious- what does your dh say about his brother's behavior?

 

What a horrible thing to say of someone who just lost a child! Let's remember there are two people hurting here. His baby died too.

[missiemick]

So your BIL is going away on his own trip -- so is your sister. What's the problem? If she really wanted to be with him during this time, wouldn't she go with him?

[mommaduck]

What a horrible thing to say of someone who just lost a child! Let's remember there are two people hurting here. His baby died too.

:iagree:

[coffeegal]

Let's remember there are two people hurting here. His baby died too.

 

:iagree: It's possible she just wants to be alone with her parents in her time of grief, and he wants the comfort of his own parents... especially as it sounds like a spontaneous trip.

[Cheryl in NM]

My SIL and BIL (my DH's brother) found out last month they were pregnant with their first child. They're both older (SIL is 43 and BIL is 52) and don't have any other kids (they married just a couple of years ago). My SIL has been taking fertility meds so she was so happy that at her age she could get pregnant and pretty much knew this would probably be her only child.

 

To give you a little backstory, my SIL visits her family a few states away a few times a year and my BIL ALWAYS has some excuse as to why he can't go so she drives the 8 hour drive alone. He even gets out of seeing her family that lives in town. My guess is he doesn't feel comfortable around them because they're all highly educated and refined whereas he's the more down-to-earth, beer drinking kind of guy. His parents (my ILs) always come up from out-of-state and stay with said SIL and BIL for a month. My SIL isn't happy with this, but she pretty much doesn't have a say in the matter, unfortunately.

 

Anyway, last week my BIL called my DH and said he was going to see their parents and wanted to know if we wanted him to bring any Christmas presents to them. He said it was a last minute decision to go see them and he'd be flying out the next day. My SIL was going to see her family in another state so once again, my BIL wasn't planning on going with her. He told my DH that he hasn't seen their parents in their home town in 2 years (even though they stay with him and his wife for a month every year) so that's why he told her he wasn't going with her. And my SIL only sees her family out of state for a few days each time she goes.

 

Well, my DH and I just got an email from his brother stating that my SIL lost the baby just a few days before they each took off to see their respective families. So, that means that instead of my BIL going with his wife that just MISCARRIED their baby he decided at the last minute to go see his own parents (I'm quite sure my SIL's trip was already planned).

 

I can never wrap my head around how my SIL allows her husband to never go with her when she sees her family, but to each his own. Maybe she prefers it that way, I don't know. But I can't imagine her being ok with him not being with her after she just had a miscarriage!!! I haven't had a chance to talk with her yet because she's still out of town, but am I crazy or should my BIL have gone with her instead of going to see his parents???

 

I should also note that when my BIL and his parents get together it's a big drinking fest. My ILs are in their 70s, but can keep up with kids in their 20s, no joke! The first night my BIL was with his parents my MIL ended up falling and fracturing her pelvis (she was probably drunk out of her mind). So here's my BIL drinking it up and partying with his family, while his wife is in another state, probably balling her eyes out, after having miscarried. Something's just not right here!!

 

Do you agree or are there some women that wouldn't want their husbands with them after such a tragedy??

 

They don't need to have children together. It also sounds like their marriage isn't a very supportive one. If they are happy, fine, but I pity the children that are raised in that marriage.

[5kidsforME]

They don't need to have children together. It also sounds like their marriage isn't a very supportive one. If they are happy, fine, but I pity the children that are raised in that marriage.

 

 

Cheryl, you are basing their WHOLE ENTIRE marriage off of this thread? Off of what the OP, who does not live with them and does not know the intracacies of THEIR marriage?? WOW!

 

 

Now, that my friends is judgemental at its finest.

 

:glare:

[jplain]

I have had two miscarriages and prefer to grieve alone.

 

:iagree:

[Cheryl in NM]

Cheryl, you are basing their WHOLE ENTIRE marriage off of this thread? Off of what the OP, who does not live with them and does not know the intracacies of THEIR marriage?? WOW!

 

 

Now, that my friends is judgemental at its finest.

 

:glare:

 

This isn't an isolated incident. It's a way of life for husband and wife to live separate lives. They don't spend time with her family as a family, only her. His family spends their family get togethers so drunk that a 70 year old falls and breaks her pelvis.

 

As protective as the parents are on this board I can't see why any of you would want a child raised in this environment.

 

Funny, are you the pot or the kettle?

[Rain]

We also don't really know if the SIL's parents have said they don't want BIL in their house, or if they make nasty comments when he's around that he's not good enough, or ...

 

There could be a background with her parents that outsiders aren't aware of.

 

Some might have looked at my marriage years ago and said that dh didn't feel comfortable with my parents because he wasn't as educated as my mother and he is very down to earth. However, they wouldn't know that before we got married my mother told us (while now-dh was standing next to me) that now-dh didn't love me and was just using me, and I could do so much better. It took a LONG time for dh and my parents to get past that.

[5kidsforME]

This isn't an isolated incident. It's a way of life for husband and wife to live separate lives. They don't spend time with her family as a family, only her. His family spends their family get togethers so drunk that a 70 year old falls and breaks her pelvis.

 

As protective as the parents are on this board I can't see why any of you would want a child raised in this environment.

 

Funny, are you the pot or the kettle?

 

 

Nice try.

 

I still cannot believe you are trying to justify your nasty comments about someone elses marriage you do not even know by ONE post.

[TXBeth]

So your BIL is going away on his own trip -- so is your sister. What's the problem? If she really wanted to be with him during this time, wouldn't she go with him?

 

Exactly! Why not be "so mad" at her for not going with him?

[Cheryl in NM]

Nice try.

 

I still cannot believe you are trying to justify your nasty comments about someone elses marriage you do not even know by ONE post.

 

The post shows a pattern.

 

We don't know the whole story, neither does the OP. Based on the info in the OP I, personally, don't think that family would be a good environment to raise a child. Whatever the real story is for the BIL & SIL to being living separate lives, it's no life for a child.

 

Envision this poor child's life. Visits with mom's family without dad; the child thinks "why isn't dad here?", there's a hole. Visits with dad's family, everyone is drunk, including the old people; the child thinks "is this what having fun is", let me try".

 

You don't have to like my comments. They were meant from a purely intellectual versus emotional place. Of course my heart grieves for that poor woman. Of course I think her husband should be with her. I know he lost a child too; why doesn't he want to cleave to his wife? But the way their lives were presented just isn't a supportive, stable environment for kids. It sets the kids up to have to take sides. Parenting that way is in poor taste if you could have avoided it. I understand that sometimes we end up in these situations. The couple in the OP are in the beginning of this situation. They can come together as husband and wife or not, but do you really think children should be brought into it?

[annandatje]

..... I should also note that when my BIL and his parents get together it's a big drinking fest. My ILs are in their 70s, but can keep up with kids in their 20s, no joke! The first night my BIL was with his parents my MIL ended up falling and fracturing her pelvis (she was probably drunk out of her mind). ..QUOTE]

 

I'm a tad confused. Bean, are you saying that your own husband's parents drink and party with your sister's husband's parents? It was your mother in law that broke her pelvis or your sister's mother-in-law?

 

However the family trees branch, I would just let it go mentally.

 

Your sister in law has not complained about her husband to you.

 

If you subconsciously exhibit a negative attitude toward her husband, it could drive a wedge between you and her at a time when she needs you most.

Edited December 21, 2011 by annandatje

[5kidsforME]

The post shows a pattern.

 

We don't know the whole story, neither does the OP. Based on the info in the OP I, personally, don't think that family would be a good environment to raise a child. Whatever the real story is for the BIL & SIL to being living separate lives, it's no life for a child.

 

Maybe someone would say the same thing about your home environment.

 

Envision this poor child's life. Visits with mom's family without dad; the child thinks "why isn't dad here?", there's a hole. Visits with dad's family, everyone is drunk, including the old people; the child thinks "is this what having fun is", let me try".

 

You don't have to like my comments. They were meant from a purely intellectual versus emotional place. Of course my heart grieves for that poor woman. Of course I think her husband should be with her. I know he lost a child too; why doesn't he want to cleave to his wife? But the way their lives were presented just isn't a supportive, stable environment for kids. It sets the kids up to have to take sides. Parenting that way is in poor taste if you could have avoided it. I understand that sometimes we end up in these situations. The couple in the OP are in the beginning of this situation. They can come together as husband and wife or not, but do you really think children should be brought into it?

 

Seriously? It's not for me to say. You can think what you want. We all do. Unless there is some sort of abuse going on (which not a thing has been said about that) who are we to say? Do you like it when people comment on your life? Would you like it if something that worked for your dh, and your family was commented on as wrong weird or unacceptable? I dunno, maybe, say somethning like *gasp* homeschooling?

 

No. None of us likes it. Whatever. Maybe this works for them. Seems to me the OP has more of a problem with it than the SIL.

[nd293]

It sounds like your BIL perhaps could not handle the emotions of the situation, and looked for an excuse to get away. When my mother lost a baby to stillbirth, many years ago, my father (without consulting her) got a transfer to the city where her family was, mostly, she believes, so he would not have to deal with her emotions, and could pass the issue onto her family.

[Cheryl in NM]

Maybe someone would say the same thing about your home environment.

 

 

 

Seriously? It's not for me to say. You can think what you want. We all do. Unless there is some sort of abuse going on (which not a thing has been said about that) who are we to say? Do you like it when people comment on your life? Would you like it if something that worked for your dh, and your family was commented on as wrong weird or unacceptable? I dunno, maybe, say somethning like *gasp* homeschooling?

 

No. None of us likes it. Whatever. Maybe this works for them. Seems to me the OP has more of a problem with it than the SIL.

 

When someone asks for advice on a message board they get advice colored by the person giving it. I'm stating my opinion. You don't need to like it or agree with it. I'm not sure why you feel the need to attack me for it, but oh well, if that's the way you roll that's life.

[5kidsforME]

When someone asks for advice on a message board they get advice colored by the person giving it. I'm stating my opinion. You don't need to like it or agree with it. I'm not sure why you feel the need to attack me for it, but oh well, if that's the way you roll that's life.

 

This was the question asked.

 

Do you agree or are there some women that wouldn't want their husbands with them after such a tragedy??

 

What you said was not advice but was judgement based off of one post. This is a public message board you can type whatever you like!! :001_smile: Just be ready when other posters call in to question what you type. I am not attacking you, I am conversing with you via a message board. Feel free to ignore me. :D

[unsinkable]

DH and I are going to be apart for Christmas and I just had a miscarriage. He offered to take me to my parents' house for Christmas, but then found out he couldn't get the time off work. We decided I'd go without him.

 

He grieves in private (with me) and hates hugs and words of sympathy from anyone else. Going to church or seeing my family is painful for him right now because they all want to say something comforting but it doesn't help. I like to be around close friends and family when I'm in pain, so I'm seeking out the comfort of family. Some people may think it's strange, but it works for us and after almost 9 years of marriage we are open and honest and both ok with this.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I am so sorry.

[Cheryl in NM]

This was the question asked.

 

 

 

What you said was not advice but was judgement based off of one post. This is a public message board you can type whatever you like!! :001_smile: Just be ready when other posters call in to question what you type. I am not attacking you, I am conversing with you via a message board. Feel free to ignore me. :D

 

True, what I said didn't answer the OP's question. It was my viewpoint of the situation of the post. If people don't want that they shouldn't post on public message boards.

 

If we were having a face to face conversation I doubt you would call it a "conversation". Most people would call it a confrontation, a disagreement or a fight (depending on how they were raised). BTW, adding smileys to sentences with nasty intent is really passive aggressive.

 

I chose not to ignore anyone on this board. I'm interested in other people's viewpoints. I just think attacking people for their beliefs in childish and a waste of time.

[momma aimee]

Sounds to me like they did not vant the child, maybe the fif the fertiliy treatments and tried to get preggo cuz they thought they were supposed to, being married and all?

 

Also sounds like a marraige in name only -- differnt hosilday plans, not being together after the loss -- and if that is what they vant, fine for them.

 

I'd not waste any time or effort feeling bad for them or trying to do anything for them -- actually sounds like people I'd not have a lot to do with anyway.

[5kidsforME]

True, what I said didn't answer the OP's question. It was my viewpoint of the situation of the post. If people don't want that they shouldn't post on public message boards.

 

If we were having a face to face conversation I doubt you would call it a "conversation". Most people would call it a confrontation, a disagreement or a fight (depending on how they were raised). BTW, adding smileys to sentences with nasty intent is really passive aggressive.

 

I chose not to ignore anyone on this board. I'm interested in other people's viewpoints. I just think attacking people for their beliefs in childish and a waste of time.

 

Here's the thing I have a problem with. Think of a hardtime in your marriage, maybe a time you look back at cringe when you think of it or just a rough patch that all married people go through. Now, take an outsider that may have gotten a glimpse of it and decided to spread that on a message board. Would you want your entire marriage based on that one small part? Probably not.

 

Judge the situation, yeah it stinks he shouldn't have gone away, maybe she should have gone with him, whatever. But really, don't judge the whole marriage. IMO, that's wrong.