Just wondering

[lucyfan70]

I was just wondering if anyone else has this same issue. My husband has no clue about what I teach the girls, how I teach the girls, or what homeschooling is all about. Honestly I don't think he wants to know. I was asking his opinion about our daughter who is struggling with math and he was just clueless about the issues even after me explaining.

I feel like a single homeschooling mom. I know he trust me teaching the girls but he acts like he has no interest in their schooling!!!!

Anyone else make all the decisions when it comes to the schooling?

[Ginevra]

He trusts in your competence. It's a quality worth enjoying.

 

Also, I don't think there is anything rare about the total homeschooling falling on one parent. My dh knows practically nothing about homeschooling, though I've been homeschooling for 9 years. He doesn't know a thing about what the laws are in our state, beyond the knowledge and confidence that I'm abiding them, doesn't know a thing about different style of homeschooling are and probably could not name a single curriculum provider, let alone choose, plan or implement any of it. He assumes that, since I was the one who asked (begged) to homeschool, I handle it. He is as uninvolved as it is possible to be, other than providing the bacon by which I purchase curriculum and (mostly) stay at home.

 

But I think that is very common. It bothers me not at all.

[Janie Grace]

This was my dh until very recently. I had to go out of state (extended family issue). I wrote out detailed lesson plans and instructions and HE HOMESCHOOLED for three days. Now he totally knows what is going on and he had great suggestions for how to help things go more smoothly (and lots of gratitude for what I do!). I don't feel alone anymore and I LOVE it.

 

Maybe you need to stage a family emergency. ;)

[Starr]

I would focus on the fact he trusts you to teach them and find a good resource person to bounce things off. It would be nice to work on things together but often it's just not the case. If she were in school you would probably be the one dealing with the teachers. :grouphug:

[Catwoman]

I was just wondering if anyone else has this same issue. My husband has no clue about what I teach the girls, how I teach the girls, or what homeschooling is all about. Honestly I don't think he wants to know. I was asking his opinion about our daughter who is struggling with math and he was just clueless about the issues even after me explaining.

I feel like a single homeschooling mom. I know he trust me teaching the girls but he acts like he has no interest in their schooling!!!!

Anyone else make all the decisions when it comes to the schooling?

 

Just be thankful that he's not one of those husbands who second-guesses every homeschooling decision you make, or who constantly complains that homeschooling is going to ruin your children for life and that it will turn you into a raving lunatic (OK, that "raving lunatic" part might be sort of true... ;))

 

My dh is supportive of homeschooling and will look at curriculum if I ask, but he trusts me to make all of the decisions. He is more interested now that ds is getting older, but generally speaking, I'm better off coming here and talking to everyone about homeschool stuff, because we're all "in the trenches" every day, and can relate to each others' experiences.

[LAS in LA]

Your story sounds familiar, but I'm not sure I'd want it any other way. I'm happy my husband trusts me with dc's education and, honestly, two people equally involved would probably complicate decisions. Right now, it's "my school, my rules". :D Dh is supportive of homeschooling and is happy to hear about school if the children mention it, he's just not part of the curriculum/philosophy decisions. I do hope for more of his input as they get older.

 

This board is where I go for homeschool discussion!

[lucyfan70]

I think that I lean on my husband for support and value his input as I'm sure most wives do. Maybe I just like to have him put his two cents in. Yeah I think he has confidence in my homeschooling. I just like anothers point of view when things aren't going so great.

Maybe the lack if interest on his part is what doesn't sit with me very well.

[justamouse]

He trusts in your competence. It's a quality worth enjoying.

 

Also, I don't think there is anything rare about the total homeschooling falling on one parent. My dh knows practically nothing about homeschooling, though I've been homeschooling for 9 years. He doesn't know a thing about what the laws are in our state, beyond the knowledge and confidence that I'm abiding them, doesn't know a thing about different style of homeschooling are and probably could not name a single curriculum provider, let alone choose, plan or implement any of it. He assumes that, since I was the one who asked (begged) to homeschool, I handle it. He is as uninvolved as it is possible to be, other than providing the bacon by which I purchase curriculum and (mostly) stay at home.

 

But I think that is very common. It bothers me not at all.

:iagree:

 

And I've been homeschooling just as long. He WILL go over Algebra with them.

[Mrs Mungo]

The parts my dh plays:

 

Paying for it all

Bringing me chocolate

Sending me for a hot bath when he has to be the hammer

 

He really has no clue what curricula I use or anything.

[Catwoman]

I think that I lean on my husband for support and value his input as I'm sure most wives do. Maybe I just like to have him put his two cents in. Yeah I think he has confidence in my homeschooling. I just like anothers point of view when things aren't going so great.

Maybe the lack if interest on his part is what doesn't sit with me very well.

 

It truly may not be a lack of interest; it's probably more of a lack of knowledge about how homeschooling works on a day-to-day basis, as well as not knowing the details of things like state requirements, testing, grade level expectations, etc. He may simply not feel confident in providing much input.

 

I think it's easy for us to forget that homeschooling can be a full-time job on its own, and if your dh is already working full-time, he may simply not have the energy to devote to staying up to speed on all of the details.

 

He trusts you to do the right thing, and I think that's more important than anything else.

 

But I do understand why you'd like someone to talk to when you're having a rough day -- so come here and talk to us! :001_smile:

[dangermom]

 

I think it's easy for us to forget that homeschooling can be a full-time job on its own, and if your dh is already working full-time, he may simply not have the energy to devote to staying up to speed on all of the details.

 

 

Yeah, I think this is very true. I've spent years accumulating a lot of knowledge about what we're doing; at this point the only people who can understand what I'm talking about are here on this board. ;) My husband has spent years focusing on his work, which I don't really understand very well because I don't know a lot about C++ or laser analysis of...stuff. We talk, but it can't get too technical or the other one is lost!

 

My husband does enjoy doing some math work with the girls when he can, and they talk about science. But in the end-- I do the homeschooling, and it's my job, and he supports me in that. He feels no need to know the details.

[Farrar]

I think surely there's some place in between complete lack of awareness and having it be too much detail or get in the way of his own job. But I think it may seem too vast to grasp (as it's a full time job for you!) for a lot of non-homeschooling parents. If you want him more involved or connected, can you give him something small and specific to do or take charge of? Yes, he works, but working parents still are expected to help with homework, etc. in schooled kid families.

[Kate CA]

I think that I lean on my husband for support and value his input as I'm sure most wives do. Maybe I just like to have him put his two cents in. Yeah I think he has confidence in my homeschooling. I just like anothers point of view when things aren't going so great.

Maybe the lack if interest on his part is what doesn't sit with me very well.

 

It is probably the bolded above, and I understand that, but look at it from a different angle. He trusts you and believes you are capable, but this isn't his area of expertise. It is yours. Why not ask here or your local homeschool friends? They are going to really understand how to help you, but your husband isn't. He doesn't know the ins and outs of Saxon or Singapore or MUS, but the families here that really use them do. I liken it to my dh asking me about which operating system or virus protection or programming language I like. I just *don't* know about those things and would not be able to give him an educated answer. What is more, I trust that he will take care of those things when the need arises here. Those mamas in the trenches with me though, now they can help me with an educated answer. Different spheres of knowledge do not make one necessarily uninterested, just uneducated. I don't hold it against my man that he doesn't know about Saxon versus MUS. He has enough on his plate than to have to think about that. :001_smile:

[LibraryLover]

Trust is amazing and wonderful.

 

My dh has some very specific topics that are of interest to him, so he is a daily influence, and has much to say and offer.

 

I think whatever works in your family, works!

 

Maybe your partner loves history and wants to read certain historical fiction or watch certain films---then offer his thoughts.

 

There are many ways to give children info, and many routes to dicussing that info & ideas. Disussion and talking about whether you agree with something is a huge part of a classical ed.

. :)

Edited October 27, 2011 by LibraryLover

[joannqn]

My husband leaves all of the homeschooling decisions to me. I've tried to talk curricula with them, and he literally tells me that whatever I decide will be fine. He'll listen to the kids tell him what they are learning. He'll supervise school and help them, as needed, when I go out of town (though I do completely prepare them and teach all lessons before I go). He'll stand behind me on behavior issues. But that's it.

[smilesonly]

This used to be us, but not any more.

 

If I know who his most important clients are and what he is doing for them, he should know what style/curriculum I am using with our dc.

 

With that said, he respects my choices. May not always agree with them, but he respects them and supports me.

 

If your dc are young, it may be an issue similar to becoming a new father-he may need to grow into his role as a hsing dad.

[nowimscrappin]

My husband doesn't know what I'm teaching the kids unless I specifically ask him to help or participate (when we did Astronomy a couple of years ago, he took them out with the telescope a number of times). This year, we were getting ready to start Classical Conversations and he thought it was about classic literature - so I had to give him the cliff-notes version of a classical education model

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

Your story sounds familiar, but I'm not sure I'd want it any other way. I'm happy my husband trusts me with dc's education and, honestly, two people equally involved would probably complicate decisions. Right now, it's "my school, my rules". :D Dh is supportive of homeschooling and is happy to hear about school if the children mention it, he's just not part of the curriculum/philosophy decisions. I do hope for more of his input as they get older.

 

This board is where I go for homeschool discussion!

 

:iagree: Exactly. For me though, dh wasn't always supportive of homeschooling. He is now- just doesn't really want to hear all the details. He's just glad not to have to hear my complaining about the public school anymore.

[jlmom]

My dh is a ps high school teacher, yet knows very little about what we do here at home. Every year he takes a day off and we spend 2 days at our local homeschooling conference and he does help me a lot in picking out materials/curricula for the following year. Beyond that, if I have to go out for a day or an evening I will leave him "homework" to get done, but that's it. I do wish he would help me more but I understand why he doesn't. He's just exhausted by the time he comes home and usually has a couple hours of work to do in the evening yet. It used to bother me more, and if I'm having a bad day it still does, but I understand it now and don't push him for more help. It does bother me when he asks "so why aren't you using ____ yet? Are you doing enough ___?" Once I explained how I feel he stopped asking, but I also understand that it's out of concern for our dd and not a criticism of what I'm doing. It took us some time to each get to this point, though.

[Harriet Vane]

My dh cannot compete with the research and time I have put into homeschooling. He knows just the basics, if that, about what we actively study. However, he cheerfully listens to whatever we tell him about the day--just as he would if the kids were in a brick-and-mortar school--and is our most hearty supporter. For him, his role is very, very similar to what it would be if the kids were in a traditional school setting. There's nothing wrong with that either. I talk curriculum with others who have done the research and know the job--just as he talks shop with his coworkers. I have no way to advise or participate in his work with insurance, so why would I expect the same level of expertise towards my job?

[MamaT]

My dh works long hours and does not have the time nor inclination to be that involved in the dc's schooling. He totally trusts me to provide them with a rigorous and thorough education. His homeschooling contribution is providing the finances and being the heavy when someone is not pulling their weight or doing their best.

 

It works for us. We each have our jobs to do and trust each other to do them well.

[CalicoKat]

I was just wondering if anyone else has this same issue. My husband has no clue about what I teach the girls, how I teach the girls, or what homeschooling is all about. Honestly I don't think he wants to know. I was asking his opinion about our daughter who is struggling with math and he was just clueless about the issues even after me explaining.

I feel like a single homeschooling mom. I know he trust me teaching the girls but he acts like he has no interest in their schooling!!!!

Anyone else make all the decisions when it comes to the schooling?

 

Yes, this was me. Until he got laid off. Now he has a better idea of what we're doing because e's here all the time and when someone is struggling I ask him to spend a few minutes to be a different voice.

 

I'm sure we'll return to this when he's employed again.

 

It's nice to not be micro-managed. But a bit of support would be great. I used to tell dh that I needed him to listen and not let his eye's glaze over. :D

[Desert Rat]

Yes, this was me. Until he got laid off. Now he has a better idea of what we're doing because e's here all the time and when someone is struggling I ask him to spend a few minutes to be a different voice.

 

I'm sure we'll return to this when he's employed again.

 

It's nice to not be micro-managed. But a bit of support would be great. I used to tell dh that I needed him to listen and not let his eye's glaze over. :D

 

I was coming on to say just that. Dh has been back to work 8 months now. This week he's only worked half days and I threw science at him. :lol: I'm not great with experiments. I'm so grateful he's back to work, but we do miss him around here. We grew closer together as a family and understand each other a lot more now.

When dh was laid off we had intensive shoe-tying lessons and little man had a lot more reading time with Dad. It was nice to have the help. He took over a lot of the other chores while he was out of work, too. Some of them I'm glad to have back. Like the laundry. He could have kept the grocery shopping though. :glare:

[Night Elf]

:grouphug: In the beginning, my DH was very hands off. I started homeschooling when I pulled my son out of Kindergarten. Basically, DH wasn't involved when the kids were doing elementary level stuff. However, he has gotten very involved as their subject matter has gotten deeper. Now that the kids are in high school, I would say that he participates about 80% of the time. I don't know what I would do without him at this level of work. Ds15's Algebra 2 is killing me! I keep asking if we can go back to the 4th grade math level, a great comfort zone of mine. No one is interested in though. :glare:

[Margo out of lurking]

I know he trust me teaching the girls but he acts like he has no interest in their schooling!!!!

Anyone else make all the decisions when it comes to the schooling?

 

We've homeschooled for ten years. My dh has no clue how I teach my kids, or what we use. He never has. He stopped working a few years ago, and he still has no idea. If I died tomorrow, it would be impossible for him to figure out what to do the next week, the next year, or the remainder of my kids' schooling.

 

I'm happy with it; my kids are happy with it; he's happy with it. Occasionally, I'll ask for help if *I* am stuck with one of their math (or chemistry) problems.

 

I'm the one that's always invested the time in learning how the material is presented to the kids, how it's BEEN presented. If they get stuck on something, he has no idea how to tell them HOW to find the answer on their own.

 

While he is very interested in the fact that they are learning, he's not interested in the way they have gotten there, if that makes sense. He's very happy it's gone so well for us, and he's our biggest hs supporter. It works for us (thankfully!)!

[Meriwether]

Dh is supportive in a distant way. When I present him with a problem I'm mulling over, he will give an opinion. It isn't always an informed opinion, though.:D He does absolutely not want to spend an evening debating the various Pre-Algebra programs out there. He also does not do well as a substitute teacher. I went to the doctor one time and he came home from work for a few hours so that I could go alone. They watched TV. I will occasionally still be doing school when he gets home from work and I'll have him read a list of words with Ds5 or check one of the boys' math papers. The kids think this is cool, because Dh will sign off on their work.

[Mom-ninja.]

My DH has no involvement at all with home schooling. He makes the money and supports us.

[jennsmile]

:grouphug:

 

Dh is wonderful but doesn't know a thing about schooling. Even when I ask his opinion on something specific since his degrees are in education and rhetoric I get nada. So I enjoy the fact I can homeschool them. He does like to see them tested though in the past we used online tests. Other than that we get lots of freedom.

[lucyfan70]

okay so for some reason I thought I was all alone on this but apparently not.

 

I am having problems with my sixth grader in math and I ask him to look at some of her work to help me figure out if it was my teaching or her carelessness or if the curriculum just isn't working and yes he looked at it but he wasn't very interested in coming up with a solutions with me. And he said that we have changed curriculums too much which is not true at all.

We started using Saxon two years ago. I used everything Abeka until two years ago when I figured I couldn't do three girls with Abeka. So I switched things around. I've stuck with those changes for two years.

So I've only switched curriculums once. Anyhow that's enough about that.

Thank you ladies for being supportive and caring and for all the knowledge that you guys give!!!!!:)

[mcconnellboys]

Sigh.... yes....

[Mommy22alyns]

DH is unemployed right now, so he's actually teaching Sylvia math & LA. He's still largely clueless. He trusts me 100%. I was asking him the other day how he likes what we're using (trying to get input) and he says, "It seems okay."

 

That's it.

 

"It seems okay."

 

Does he have ANY idea how many hours I spend researching and deciding on curriculum?!?!?! :svengo:

 

I managed to get out a little more input, but yep, it's usually "my school, my rules." And that's actually not so bad. :D

[Snickerdoodle]

My DH has no involvement at all with home schooling. He makes the money and supports us.

 

This is us too.

 

He does absolutely not want to spend an evening debating the various Pre-Algebra programs out there.

I'm sorry, but this made me spew coffee out my nose. :lol:

[ereks mom]

It truly may not be a lack of interest; it's probably more of a lack of knowledge about how homeschooling works on a day-to-day basis, as well as not knowing the details of things like state requirements, testing, grade level expectations, etc. He may simply not feel confident in providing much input.

 

I think it's easy for us to forget that homeschooling can be a full-time job on its own, and if your dh is already working full-time, he may simply not have the energy to devote to staying up to speed on all of the details.

 

He trusts you to do the right thing, and I think that's more important than anything else.

 

But I do understand why you'd like someone to talk to when you're having a rough day -- so come here and talk to us! :001_smile:

 

:iagree:

[CalicoKat]

I was coming on to say just that. Dh has been back to work 8 months now. This week he's only worked half days and I threw science at him. :lol: I'm not great with experiments. I'm so grateful he's back to work, but we do miss him around here. We grew closer together as a family and understand each other a lot more now.

When dh was laid off we had intensive shoe-tying lessons and little man had a lot more reading time with Dad. It was nice to have the help. He took over a lot of the other chores while he was out of work, too. Some of them I'm glad to have back. Like the laundry. He could have kept the grocery shopping though. :glare:

yes, we're enjoy having DH around right now. I'm going to miss having his help with leveraging the kid's activities & little's schedules when he goes back to work, which might be sooner than anticipated (twisting everything into a pretzel and praying hard).

[Catherine]

I've involved my dh only when, like Mrs. Mungo, I need to him be an enforcer. I also have bounced things off him when there's a problem. But he's got his own long hours and career to manage and we've chosen together to delegate their education to me, which is fine. I manage the school stuff when they've been in school too.

[Lolly]

okay so for some reason I thought I was all alone on this but apparently not.

 

I am having problems with my sixth grader in math and I ask him to look at some of her work to help me figure out if it was my teaching or her carelessness or if the curriculum just isn't working and yes he looked at it but he wasn't very interested in coming up with a solutions with me. And he said that we have changed curriculums too much which is not true at all.

We started using Saxon two years ago. I used everything Abeka until two years ago when I figured I couldn't do three girls with Abeka. So I switched things around. I've stuck with those changes for two years.

So I've only switched curriculums once. Anyhow that's enough about that.

Thank you ladies for being supportive and caring and for all the knowledge that you guys give!!!!!:)

 

You most certainly are not alone! I agree that it is the norm. I know my dh does not want to talk about his job when he comes home. I think he assumes I do not want to talk about mine either. If I do bring a problem to him, he wants to come up with a solution for it. His solution is what he is most familiar with, "Maybe we should send him to regular school." I wonder if your dh thinks you switch curriculum a lot because that is the only thing he remembers. Perhaps you consulted him before the switch? I know my dh wouldn't have a clue as to time frames!:grouphug:

[SweetMissMagnolia]

hubby's not really involved in our "studies"--sometimes if he's home I'll have him sit down and listen to zach read or help give a spelling test--but he leaves everything else to me.....

[4wildberrys]

He trusts in your competence. It's a quality worth enjoying.

 

Also, I don't think there is anything rare about the total homeschooling falling on one parent. My dh knows practically nothing about homeschooling, though I've been homeschooling for 9 years. He doesn't know a thing about what the laws are in our state, beyond the knowledge and confidence that I'm abiding them, doesn't know a thing about different style of homeschooling are and probably could not name a single curriculum provider, let alone choose, plan or implement any of it. He assumes that, since I was the one who asked (begged) to homeschool, I handle it. He is as uninvolved as it is possible to be, other than providing the bacon by which I purchase curriculum and (mostly) stay at home.

 

But I think that is very common. It bothers me not at all.

 

 

:iagree: Our situation too after 10 years---although HE was the one to suggest homeschooling :tongue_smilie: He is here for support and discipline issues if I need it---doesn't bother me at all. We laugh at him trying to come up with the name of our curriculum :lol:

[In the Rain]

I was just wondering if anyone else has this same issue. My husband has no clue about what I teach the girls, how I teach the girls, or what homeschooling is all about. Honestly I don't think he wants to know. I was asking his opinion about our daughter who is struggling with math and he was just clueless about the issues even after me explaining.

I feel like a single homeschooling mom. I know he trust me teaching the girls but he acts like he has no interest in their schooling!!!!

Anyone else make all the decisions when it comes to the schooling?

 

This could describe my husband too- but it isn't a bad thing. He definitely has an interest in the final result, just not the day to day process. Sometimes after one of the girls reads something difficult, or says something profound, he looks at me and says, "Wow, you did that!" He wants them to be educated, and he gives me credit for doing the work, he just doesn't care to know exactly why I choose a particular program.