What would you do if your child tore up your paycheck?

[I.Dup.]

My paychecks NEVER arrive on time. This has been a constant issue since I started working for this employer and we are trying to resolve it.

 

This week it did arrive on time. My daughter cut up the envelope into about 9 pieces. I was floored. The only reasoning I could come up with was that she heard me talking to my dh about the fact that last week's paycheck was void because my boss went in and did a deposit at the bank for me since it took over 2 weeks for my check to get here. EVEN STILL this child is almost 10 and is as smart as a whip. She almost always knows exactly what she is doing and she CERTAINLY knows that she should not get a piece of OUR mail without asking and cut it up. WTH??????? Even if I ask my boss to mail me another one, it could take 2-3 weeks like it normally does.

 

I can't remember the last time I was this mad. I am so tired of dealing with this child, she thinks she is an adult. She came up with some half-a$$ story about how the babies did it, when I knew that was not true. I yelled at her, she finally admitted it, and I sent her to her room. She heard me crying about it to my dh on the phone, I'm sure. I am so, so angry. Am I overreacting? WWYD?

[Chris in VA]

Talk with her. Get mad. Ask my employer to rush another one, explaining the circumstances.

 

Carry on.

[Impish]

I'd freak.

 

Then I'd get out the tape, put it back together, and explain at the bank...and pray that whomever I'm dealing with has kids.

[Jean in Newcastle]

:grouphug: I would be angry too. Did she give you a reason once she admitted it?

 

You might call your bank. I have been able to submit a check that was torn in half and taped together but still had all the bank information on the bottom legible. I don't know about 9 pieces, though.

[Joker]

My older did something similiar at about 8 yrs old. She is smart but to her money was a debit card or cash. I deal very infrequently with actual checks and I just think she didn't make the connection that it could be so important. I talked with her and she felt bad and never did it again. I don't think there is anything else I would do, as far as punishment goes, unless she did it more than once.

[Ottakee]

I would try the tape it together and pray the bank accepts it.

 

On the flip side, for a child of that age, barring any special needs, I would take away all non essentials for the 2-3 weeks it would take to get another paycheck---be it penny candy, fast food, any treats, places that cost money to go to (like field trips, etc). No shopping, allowance, etc.

[I.Dup.]

She has been in her room for almost an hour (my dh is almost home and he can deal with her, I am still too angry). She said "well the babies tore up your paycheck but it doesn't matter since it's void." (she later admitted she was lying) which shows 1) she knew she shouldn't have done it or she wouldn't have blamed it on the babies and 2) she not only cut up my paycheck for some odd reason, but she blatantly lied about it. Lying is also a constant issue with this child. She probably did it because even if she did think it was void, she knew that adults cut up void paychecks. Since she thinks she's an adult, she took it upon herself to do this.

 

I did tape it together, and all the information is still clearly visible, she cut it in almost perfect lines. I'm hoping the person at the bank will be understanding.

[Ottakee]

The lying might be the biggest issue here. Yes, the money is a big deal, but as far as parenting goes, the lying is a big deal.

 

If she has a pattern of lying I would NOT give her an opportunity to lie. Don't ask, did you ? when you know she did something. just say, "you..........therefore you must (or can't) ................ Ideally you find suitable restitution to go along with it.

 

Also lying means you aren't trustworthy to be out and about at activities, etc. where you are not under direct supervision of a parent.

[Hedgehog]

10yo and cutting up your mail? :blink: Yeah, I'd be mad. Hopping.

 

A couple times in the past, Tigger has destroyed something that belonged to someone else. We were 100% certain that a) he knew it wasn't his and b) he knew it was a wrong thing to do, so we took one of his gazillion toy cars and broke it in front of him and threw it in the garbage. Obviously he has loads more, but we've only had to do that twice.

 

Some of you might think that's too harsh, but this is one tough kid and he's been a real challenge for most of his 6 years. I'm glad to say that these days, for the most part, he's a pleasure to be around. :001_smile: It was all about finding his currency, and using it sparingly - just enough to be effective.

 

HTH in some way.

[myfunnybunch]

Talk with her. Get mad. Ask my employer to rush another one, explaining the circumstances.

 

Carry on.

 

This.

 

You're not overreacting. It's a huge inconvenience, and it was a :confused::confused::confused: thing to do. She just didn't think. Especially if she heard you crying about it, she probably feels a.w.f.u.l. I'd be willing to bet that she will never do something like this again. If you typically have a consequence of some kind for impulsive behavior, certainly use it. But don't decide until you're feeling calmer.

 

:grouphug:

 

And later, use it as a springboard for a learning opportunity. Talk to her about how checks work and how important your income is to the family.

 

Cat

[Hedgehog]

The lying might be the biggest issue here. Yes, the money is a big deal, but as far as parenting goes, the lying is a big deal.

 

If she has a pattern of lying I would NOT give her an opportunity to lie. Don't ask, did you ? when you know she did something. just say, "you..........therefore you must (or can't) ................ Ideally you find suitable restitution to go along with it.

 

Also lying means you aren't trustworthy to be out and about at activities, etc. where you are not under direct supervision of a parent.

 

I didn't think of that aspect - but yes. If the issue here is lying, then don't give her the opportunity to lie.

 

I particularly agree with the bolded.

[Sukale]

I worked at a bank a few years ago. I would be able to take your check with no problem. We had special envelopes that were yellow on the back and clear in the front that we would put crinkled/ripped checks on the they would run through the proof machine easily that night.

I would be upset with my dd for lying. I would make sure she knew that it is OK for a kid (or anyone) to do something wrong but it is never OK to lie about it.

[goldberry]

I would be totally angry as well.

 

However, just saying this as a possibility....I noticed from your sig she is your oldest, and you have both a 1 y/o and a newborn at home. It is possible this is a little acting out for attention/recognition? NOT EXCUSING THE BEHAVIOR. But also you specifically mentioned she acts like she is an adult, maybe she is really trying to claim that "oldest" position in ways that obviously are still immature and inappropriate. Trying to find her "place".

 

I would be mad too, just throwing some ideas out to maybe add some things to think about.

[catz]

I would be totally angry as well.

 

However, just saying this as a possibility....I noticed from your sig she is your oldest, and you have both a 1 y/o and a newborn at home. It is possible this is a little acting out for attention/recognition? NOT EXCUSING THE BEHAVIOR. But also you specifically mentioned she acts like she is an adult, maybe she is really trying to claim that "oldest" position in ways that obviously are still immature and inappropriate. Trying to find her "place".

 

I would be mad too, just throwing some ideas out to maybe add some things to think about.

 

:iagree: I would just maybe step back and make sure she's getting enough positive attention from both you and your spouse. Not that I wouldn't punish her for this. I definitely would, but depends on the back story. I think lying is the big issue here too.

[Denisemomof4]

I have no idea why your crazy kid would do such a thing, but I remember dd11, who is such a great kid, compliant, easy, etc. held a skane of yarn up to a light bulb until it caught fire when she was 10. The yarn was acrylic and the smell was HORRENDOUS. I remember speaking with a friend later and she told me that she remembered her VERY bright son sticking a noodle up his nose when he was 10. She had to take him to the ER to get it out after it got infected.

 

My conclusion to all of this is that some alien invades the body of 10 year olds and makes them do crazy, stupid things. Thankfully it doesn't happen often, and once they're 11, the child YOU remember returns. Yeah, I think that's what happens.

 

:lol:

 

I'd be mad if I were you, but then I'd just let it go. See if the bank will do anything with the pieces. If not, bring the pieces to your boss and tell him one of your kids cut it up, expecting him to think it was a younger kid who would do such a thing.;)

[I.Dup.]

Thank you all.

 

This child gets a TON of attention. She stays up late with dh and I sometimes, she goes out with me almost every time I go out "by myself," she gets a ton of special privileges her brothers do not get. She gets treats after they go to bed, playdates with friends while they have to stay home, sleepovers, etc, etc, etc.

 

I am constantly feeling that she is just taking advantage of whatever freedom and privileges we give her. She has a tendency to feel sorry for herself and there is just no way to always please this child. She and I have a good relationship, despite the strain by her complaining, pity parties and rebellion that rears its ugly head regularly.

 

She kept asking to come out of her room, then she wrote me a note saying she didn't do it after all. I went in and talked with her and she started lying about other things (she couldn't read the return address very well when she could probably read and understand Shakespeare, etc) so I don't know what to believe.

[Audrey]

You aren't over reacting. I'd be spittin' mad, too. I'd be as mad about the cheque getting destroyed as about the lying, but it's the lying that's the worse offense.

 

Since I don't know your dd at all, I don't really know what to suggest to do about the lying other than taking away privileges.

 

I just wanted to let you know that you aren't the only one who would get really angry about this.

[MelissaMinNC]

My conclusion to all of this is that some alien invades the body of 10 year olds and makes them do crazy, stupid things.

 

NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! (My dd turned 10 last week.)

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: to the OP. No advice, but I'm sorry. The lying would make me more furious and upset than anything else.

[Catwoman]

She kept asking to come out of her room, then she wrote me a note saying she didn't do it after all. I went in and talked with her and she started lying about other things (she couldn't read the return address very well when she could probably read and understand Shakespeare, etc) so I don't know what to believe.

 

:blink: :blink: :blink:

 

When I started reading that she'd written you a note, I was ready to get tears in my eyes thinking about her sweet note of heartfelt apology.

 

Apparently not. :glare:

 

I feel so badly for you. Cutting up the check was impulsive and totally inappropriate, but I think the repeated lying is the major offense.

 

You must be having so much trouble trying to remain calm right now.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[elegantlion]

I agree with what's been posting already, but I'll add another layer. Is she trying to do something about your work situation? Has she heard or picked up on your frustration with work? Perhaps in her own little way she thought that would be vindication for what has happened. Since you didn't see her "brilliance" in her idea, she backtracked by lying.

 

I would consider that and I would take her to the bank with you to deposit that check.

[LAS in LA]

I would be totally angry as well.

 

However, just saying this as a possibility....I noticed from your sig she is your oldest, and you have both a 1 y/o and a newborn at home. It is possible this is a little acting out for attention/recognition? NOT EXCUSING THE BEHAVIOR. But also you specifically mentioned she acts like she is an adult, maybe she is really trying to claim that "oldest" position in ways that obviously are still immature and inappropriate. Trying to find her "place".

 

I would be mad too, just throwing some ideas out to maybe add some things to think about.

 

Exactly this.

[dangermom]

 

She kept asking to come out of her room, then she wrote me a note saying she didn't do it after all. I went in and talked with her and she started lying about other things (she couldn't read the return address very well when she could probably read and understand Shakespeare, etc) so I don't know what to believe.

 

It doesn't matter if she couldn't read it (yeah right); you don't cut up other people's mail.

[AHASRADA]

As a mom who tends to get really, really mad over things that, in the end, aren't life-or-death, I can absolutely sympathize with how angry you are.

 

It is a big deal, especially the lying, and you and your dh have to work together to find a parenting solution to address that.

 

Before dealing with your dd, though, I would try to step back and work through your anger. I have yet to see a sound parenting decision made in the heat of anger. I had a newborn not that long ago, and I can't even imagine trying to work from home when she was only a couple of months old, with multiple other kids to care for, including a 1yo! You are probably feeling exhausted and overwhelmed by life in general, frustrated that you work so hard to fit paid work into your schedule and have to wait an unacceptable amount of time to receive your due for that work you performed. And now, you finally get your hard-earned pay, and someone (your own child, no less) destroys it. I can see this being the last straw, but most of which has nothing to do with your dd.

 

Your work issues and your dd's behavior issues are two separate problems that just happened to converge today. Treat them as such, and hopefully you will be able to deal with both situations in the best possible manner.

 

Just my $0.02.

[LibraryLover]

At that young and tender age, a thoughtful child imagines he is helping, yet does not have a clue to cognitive/realistic ramifications. Poor little guy. :) For such a young person, if something bad can be destroyed, it not longer exisits, and therefore the problem ceases to be real/exisits ---he has destroyed it! Senistive children hear and interpret information in ways we cannot always understand. It sounds to me that the child was trying to protect the family --and had worries that naturally, given his congnitive development, transcended reality and his actions.

 

Before I thought this was something naughty, I would consider that he was trying to save the family.

 

Some children hear things we don't think they hear. Some (older/first born) sensitive/kind children try to fix the bad things in ways they think makes sense. They are too little to understand otherwise.

 

Only a sensitive & anxious 8 yr old would try to 'solve' the problem with 'magical thinking'.

 

He sounds like a dear. I would wrap my arms tightly around him, and let him know I appreciate his concern, love, and protection. That this is adult work and we are able to manage it. I would also be far more careful in the future discusssing money worries around/with such a child. Different personalities and bith order process have such children processsing family informatiom in very different ways. It does help to know which children live in your home. :001_smile: It's important to know that certainly personalities are worried enough about life without big punishments being heaped upon them.

 

Spare the children. Understand the child.

Edited October 18, 2011 by LibraryLover

[goldberry]

.

 

She kept asking to come out of her room, then she wrote me a note saying she didn't do it after all. I went in and talked with her and she started lying about other things (she couldn't read the return address very well when she could probably read and understand Shakespeare, etc) so I don't know what to believe.

 

Now this would really make me mad. I have made it very plain to my DD that once you are found out, you had BETTER NOT keep lying and try to get out of it. You are found out. Suck it up and own what you have done. DD still gets into trouble but has actually gotten very good at just admitting when she has done something.

 

If you are absolutely sure it was her, then don't even engage the discussion.

 

Regarding 10 y/os....my friend's 10 y/o just got in trouble for calling 911...at AGE 10! What's up with that?

[LibraryLover]

Scared children often lie. Especially very young (8!! So young and without life experience!) scared children. Save them, comfort them. Understand they have greater insight inot their own emotions and our tremendous anger. But insight without cognitive developemnt/growth and life experience only serves to pin thse sensistive children to the ground.

 

Have some sympathy.

Edited October 18, 2011 by LibraryLover

[celticmom]

My dd is currently an only child but if she were the eldest and had privileges becase she was the eldest and she did something like that she would lose all of these privileges for a period of time (at least a week).

[JennyD]

I have no idea why your crazy kid would do such a thing, but I remember dd11, who is such a great kid, compliant, easy, etc. held a skane of yarn up to a light bulb until it caught fire when she was 10. The yarn was acrylic and the smell was HORRENDOUS. I remember speaking with a friend later and she told me that she remembered her VERY bright son sticking a noodle up his nose when he was 10. She had to take him to the ER to get it out after it got infected.

 

My conclusion to all of this is that some alien invades the body of 10 year olds and makes them do crazy, stupid things. Thankfully it doesn't happen often, and once they're 11, the child YOU remember returns. Yeah, I think that's what happens.

 

:lol:

 

I'd be mad if I were you, but then I'd just let it go. See if the bank will do anything with the pieces. If not, bring the pieces to your boss and tell him one of your kids cut it up, expecting him to think it was a younger kid who would do such a thing.;)

 

You know, now that I think about it, I was about 10 when I put a screw with four bolts on it in my mouth during a family Monopoly game and SWALLOWED it. I have no idea why I did it. Fortunately the screw did not have a pointy end and I was just fine, but wow was my mom Not Happy, especially when the doctor subsequently tasked her with um, finding the thing on the way out. And I had to eat so many bananas -- to provide bulk, I guess? --that now I cannot even stand the smell of bananas. Children are just so weird sometimes.

 

Anyway, to the OP, I'm really sorry about your check. I would be beyond furious, too, but I suspect that those who are advocating a moderated response are probably right.

[Joker]

Scared children often lie. Especially very young (8!! So young and without life experience!) scared children. Save them, comfort them. Understand they have greater insight inot their own emotions and our tremendous anger. But insight without cognitive developemnt/growth and life experience only serves to pin thse sensistive children to the ground.

 

Have some sympathy.

 

:iagree:I think we sometimes forget what it's like to be that age and expect our children to be more grown up than they should. They still need so much guidance at nine. Of course, I wasn't one that freaked out when my dds lied and that phase was short-lived. We talked a lot and I think it does more than any punishment. It's how my parents handled things and I feel they always had our hearts not just our obediance.

[Denisemomof4]

She kept asking to come out of her room, then she wrote me a note saying she didn't do it after all. I went in and talked with her and she started lying about other things (she couldn't read the return address very well when she could probably read and understand Shakespeare, etc) so I don't know what to believe.

:banghead: I also agree that the lying is a bigger issue here.

[annandatje]

My paychecks NEVER arrive on time. This has been a constant issue since I started working for this employer and we are trying to resolve it.

 

This week it did arrive on time. My daughter cut up the envelope into about 9 pieces. I was floored. The only reasoning I could come up with was that she heard me talking to my dh about the fact that last week's paycheck was void because my boss went in and did a deposit at the bank for me since it took over 2 weeks for my check to get here. EVEN STILL this child is almost 10 and is as smart as a whip. She almost always knows exactly what she is doing and she CERTAINLY knows that she should not get a piece of OUR mail without asking and cut it up. WTH??????? Even if I ask my boss to mail me another one, it could take 2-3 weeks like it normally does.

 

I can't remember the last time I was this mad. I am so tired of dealing with this child, she thinks she is an adult. She came up with some half-a$$ story about how the babies did it, when I knew that was not true. I yelled at her, she finally admitted it, and I sent her to her room. She heard me crying about it to my dh on the phone, I'm sure. I am so, so angry. Am I overreacting? WWYD?

 

No, protection of family financial resources is a critical concept here.

[Denisemomof4]

You know, now that I think about it, I was about 10 when I put a screw with four bolts on it in my mouth during a family Monopoly game and SWALLOWED it. I have no idea why I did it. Fortunately the screw did not have a pointy end and I was just fine, but wow was my mom Not Happy, especially when the doctor subsequently tasked her with um, finding the thing on the way out. And I had to eat so many bananas -- to provide bulk, I guess? --that now I cannot even stand the smell of bananas. Children are just so weird sometimes.

 

Anyway, to the OP, I'm really sorry about your check. I would be beyond furious, too, but I suspect that those who are advocating a moderated response are probably right.

 

:scared::scared::scared:

[myfunnybunch]

My conclusion to all of this is that some alien invades the body of 10 year olds and makes them do crazy, stupid things.

 

Yes, oh my goodness, yes.

 

I am on my third ten-year-old. I have finally learned that "What were you thinking?" is not a useful question because (duh) they weren't.

 

I really would be angry and upset, btw. I have said many times to my children, "I am going to wait until I'm not so angry to talk to you about this because I want to make a good decision, not an angry one."

 

Cat

[Word Nerd]

At that young and tender age, a thoughtful child imagines he is helping, yet does not have a clue to cognitive/realistic ramifications. Poor little guy. :) For such a young person, if something bad can be destroyed, it not longer exisits, and therefore the problem ceases to be real/exisits ---he has destroyed it! Senistive children hear and interpret information in ways we cannot always understand. It sounds to me that the child was trying to protect the family --and had worries that naturally, given his congnitive development, transcended reality and his actions.

 

Before I thought this was something naughty, I would consider that he was trying to save the family.

 

Some children hear things we don't think they hear. Some (older/first born) sensitive/kind children try to fix the bad things in ways they think makes sense. They are too little to understand otherwise.

 

Only a sensitive & anxious 8 yr old would try to 'solve' the problem with 'magical thinking'.

 

He sounds like a dear. I would wrap my arms tightly around him, and let him know I appreciate his concern, love, and protection. That this is adult work and we are able to manage it. I would also be far more careful in the future discusssing money worries around/with such a child. Different personalities and bith order process have such children processsing family informatiom in very different ways. It does help to know which children live in your home. :001_smile: It's important to know that certainly personalities are worried enough about life without big punishments being heaped upon them.

 

Spare the children. Understand the child.

 

I'm all for giving kids the benefit of the doubt rather than immediately assuming a particular action was done with a negative intent or out of malice. But I don't have the impression she was trying to save the family or magically make a problem disappear based on what the OP shared about her daughter's behavior and her pattern of lying. I think the OP's explanation is more plausible. Her DD presumes to possess wisdom beyond her years (that certainly describes my 10-year-old DD—who, though sensitive, I don't think of as particularly young, tender, or little), misunderstood the situation, took it upon herself to "void" this check, and now does not want to own up to her presumptuous error in judgment. I think parents should also take care not to assume children have only the best of intentions when they make a mistake, which can be just as misguided as assuming they have only the worst of intentions.

[DianeW88]

I'm all for giving kids the benefit of the doubt rather than immediately assuming a particular action was done with a negative intent or out of malice. But I don't have the impression she was trying to save the family or magically make a problem disappear based on what the OP shared about her daughter's behavior and her pattern of lying. I think the OP's explanation is more plausible. Her DD presumes to possess wisdom beyond her years (that certainly describes my 10-year-old DD—who, though sensitive, I don't think of as particularly young, tender, or little), misunderstood the situation, took it upon herself to "void" this check, and now does not want to own up to her presumptuous error in judgment. I think parents should also take care not to assume children have only the best of intentions when they make a mistake, which can be just as misguided as assuming they have only the worst of intentions.

 

:iagree:My 10 yo would be in SERIOUS trouble. This is bratty behavior and would be dealt with accordingly in my home.

[ChandlerMom]

Only thing to add: I'd want to make it very clear to dd that not only was her action inappropriate, but adults don't lie when they do something wrong, they own up to it, try to make it right, and face the consequences. She wants to be treated like an adult, but she's not behaving like one.

 

Maybe not right now, maybe not with anger, but I'd include more discussions about what is acceptable adult behavior/interactions and how that is the ultimate goal into your lessons.

[I.Dup.]

Scared children often lie. Especially very young (8!! So young and without life experience!) scared children. Save them, comfort them. Understand they have greater insight inot their own emotions and our tremendous anger. But insight without cognitive developemnt/growth and life experience only serves to pin thse sensistive children to the ground.

 

Have some sympathy.

 

Umm, not sure if you are addressing me or not? I am posting about my daughter (not a "he") and she is almost 10, not 8. I have been tied up in knots over this all afternoon, trying to handle everything in my adult world and the repercussions of her behaviour, while making sure not to hurt her in some way, so please do not lecture me as if I am not having sympathy because I expect my child not to cut up my mail and lie about it. :confused::confused:

 

I had a newborn not that long ago, and I can't even imagine trying to work from home when she was only a couple of months old, with multiple other kids to care for, including a 1yo! You are probably feeling exhausted and overwhelmed by life in general, frustrated that you work so hard to fit paid work into your schedule and have to wait an unacceptable amount of time to receive your due for that work you performed. And now, you finally get your hard-earned pay, and someone (your own child, no less) destroys it. I can see this being the last straw, but most of which has nothing to do with your dd.

 

Your work issues and your dd's behavior issues are two separate problems that just happened to converge today. Treat them as such, and hopefully you will be able to deal with both situations in the best possible manner.

 

Just my $0.02.

 

Yes, you are right and that is what I have tried to do (separate the 2 because it didn't take me long to realize it was all tangled up together in my stress), you are right that this issue is very stressful for me.

 

I'm all for giving kids the benefit of the doubt rather than immediately assuming a particular action was done with a negative intent or out of malice. But I don't have the impression she was trying to save the family or magically make a problem disappear based on what the OP shared about her daughter's behavior and her pattern of lying. I think the OP's explanation is more plausible. Her DD presumes to possess wisdom beyond her years (that certainly describes my 10-year-old DD—who, though sensitive, I don't think of as particularly young, tender, or little), misunderstood the situation, took it upon herself to "void" this check, and now does not want to own up to her presumptuous error in judgment. I think parents should also take care not to assume children have only the best of intentions when they make a mistake, which can be just as misguided as assuming they have only the worst of intentions.

 

I agree.

 

Either way, after several hours and tears from her and I, she finally admitted to lying, and then lying some more. What got her to fess up was daddy coming home and admitting that he lies when he is embarrassed about something, and she tearfully confessed. Hugs were had all around, love was reaffirmed, and she promptly threw up afterward because of how upset she had gotten. :( What a freaking ordeal!!! I am still reeling a bit. Now let's hope the bank accepts the check tomorrow.

[Guest submarines]

At that young and tender age, a thoughtful child imagines he is helping, yet does not have a clue to cognitive/realistic ramifications. Poor little guy. :) For such a young person, if something bad can be destroyed, it not longer exisits, and therefore the problem ceases to be real/exisits ---he has destroyed it! Senistive children hear and interpret information in ways we cannot always understand. It sounds to me that the child was trying to protect the family --and had worries that naturally, given his congnitive development, transcended reality and his actions.

 

Before I thought this was something naughty, I would consider that he was trying to save the family.

 

Some children hear things we don't think they hear. Some (older/first born) sensitive/kind children try to fix the bad things in ways they think makes sense. They are too little to understand otherwise.

 

Only a sensitive & anxious 8 yr old would try to 'solve' the problem with 'magical thinking'.

 

He sounds like a dear. I would wrap my arms tightly around him, and let him know I appreciate his concern, love, and protection. That this is adult work and we are able to manage it. I would also be far more careful in the future discusssing money worries around/with such a child. Different personalities and bith order process have such children processsing family informatiom in very different ways. It does help to know which children live in your home. :001_smile: It's important to know that certainly personalities are worried enough about life without big punishments being heaped upon them.

 

Spare the children. Understand the child.

 

I'm not sure whether you are replying to the OP here or to someone else (OP has DD) but I agree with every word. I was that kind of a child. Who knows what I was thinking but there were several instances when I was absolutely certain that I was being helpful. To later realise otherwise, and just as clearly, oh, that was torture. It was exteremely embarrasing. Not only that, it was clear to me that my positive intent was so unrelated to reality, that no one would even believe me. Therefore, I couldn't even coherently explain myself. I was utterly lost.

 

The shame and embarrassment was especially deep because at the moments when I felt I was genuinely helpful, I was so proud of myself. I was in this little world, where I suddenly felt older, more mature, more responsible. I felt I was doing everything right. I even already imagined someone noticing it and maybe even praising me. And then the realisation that I was so wrong. On every count. An awful feeling.

 

I can see myself in the OP's DD's situation. Faced by an angry mother, feeling already guilty, and unable to explain myself, I could see myself lying, because nothing much mattered. Not being able to explain oneself is a very helpless feeling, especially when you believe that your mother should be able to understand (and she clearly doesn't.)

 

Well, it is complicated. I feel like I've just been to a therapist. :001_huh:

[Guest submarines]

Either way, after several hours and tears from her and I, she finally admitted to lying, and then lying some more. What got her to fess up was daddy coming home and admitting that he lies when he is embarrassed about something, and she tearfully confessed. Hugs were had all around, love was reaffirmed, and she promptly threw up afterward because of how upset she had gotten. :( What a freaking ordeal!!! I am still reeling a bit. Now let's hope the bank accepts the check tomorrow.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: to all of you. Your DD is so fortunate to have such an understanding mom.

[Melissa in Australia]

My conclusion to all of this is that some alien invades the body of 10 year olds and makes them do crazy, stupid things. Thankfully it doesn't happen often, and once they're 11, the child YOU remember returns. Yeah, I think that's what happens.

 

:lol:

 

.;)

 

does the same thing invade the body of just turned 14 year olds? MY ds14 thought that in the middle of the night it would be a great idea to try out some flint WHILE IN BED to see if it really would start a fire :confused::confused: guess what, it does. Fortunately he managed to put the fire out. :willy_nilly:

[Catwoman]

Either way, after several hours and tears from her and I, she finally admitted to lying, and then lying some more. What got her to fess up was daddy coming home and admitting that he lies when he is embarrassed about something, and she tearfully confessed. Hugs were had all around, love was reaffirmed, and she promptly threw up afterward because of how upset she had gotten. :( What a freaking ordeal!!! I am still reeling a bit. Now let's hope the bank accepts the check tomorrow.

 

I'm so glad you were able to resolve this, and that your dd seems to be genuinely remorseful about what she did. Personally, I think you handled the whole thing very well, and your dh was wonderful, too.

 

The fact that your dd was so upset that she threw up, may turn out to be a positive thing in the long run, as she may think twice before lying again. Also, the way you and your dh handled the situation may go a long way toward letting your dd know that telling the truth about having done a bad thing, is a lot better than lying about it.